Chapter 34

The next few days drag by as Gale and I follow our new routine. By day we act only as friends and then every night we sneak out and go out to the woods where we can be alone together. I'm beginning to hate daytime. Our time in the woods is always so much shorter than I want it too be whereas the daytime hours seem painfully long.

The only good thing about the daytime is that I'm not distracted and can focus on trying to figure out more about my mother and her plan for me. I've been poking around the house whenever I'm alone in hopes of stumbling onto something else like I did with the letters. I even checked behind the other pictures in the house. All to no avail. My efforts hadn't turned up a single thing.

For the last hour I've been sitting on the floor of my closet, pretending to organize my hair ribbons and clips. What I'm really doing is working up the courage to do what I think is the next step in my investigation. I'm going to have to pry information out of my father or Mabel. Or perhaps both of them. But I'll have to do it in a way that seems unsuspecting. They can't know what I'm really up too. I can't decide who would be better to start with. My father may be more inclined to offer something up but getting his attention may be difficult. Mabel, who clearly knows more than she ever lets on, may not divulge information as easily though I can get her attention whenever I want.

I decide the best thing I can do is continue to play up my sadness over missing my mother. Mabel may try to comfort me and if I can manage to ask the right questions, in the right way, she may offer up some clues without knowing. Yes, Mabel is my best bet for now. I'll need to allow her to comfort me. It'll be hard because I don't trust her right now but I'll have to put on my very best illusion ever.

I'm sure Mabel is downstairs in the kitchen cleaning up after a long night. My father had some employees over for dinner following the viewing and she will probably be cleaning up for the next hour or so. And maybe catching her at the end of her long day will make her easier to fool with my illusion.

I go to my vanity and take a look at myself. I look too good right now. I wash my face and then rub my eyes with my fists so that they get red and puffy. I slip out of the dress I've been wearing and put on my nightgown. My ruffled nightgown. Ever since Gale mentioned it to me it's been my favorite one. Hopefully it'll make me more courageous tonight. I check the mirror on my vanity again and see that my appearance is much improved. I look like I can't sleep and like I've possibly been crying. I pad quietly down the back stairs and pause before entering the kitchen. It's showtime.

"Oh, Mabel! I didn't realize you were still here." I choke out, trying to make my voice crack a little.

"I'm just finishing cleaning up after the dinner. Did you need something? Are you alright dear?

"I'm just having trouble sleeping. Too much on my mind." I say.

"Sit then. I'll make you some chamomile tea. It'll help you relax." She says lovingly as she pats a spot at the table and then starts working on my tea.

"Thank you. I didn't mean to trouble you or make more work for you."

"Nonsense Miss Madge. This is what I'm here for, to take care of you."

She places a steaming cup of tea in front of me and squeezes a wedge of lemon into it before dropping in two sugar cubes.

"There you are dear. Now, how's about you tell me what's on your mind, hmm?"

"I don't want to bother anyone. It's silly really." I say shaking my head and looking down at my teacup. I hope she'll push me to talk once more. I want it to look like I'm reluctant to talk to her. To try and make her think she's the one retrieving information, not me.

"Miss Madge, sometimes talking things out can make them all make sense. And anything that has you losing sleep is worth talking about." She prompts as she places her hands over mine across the table.

"I just miss my mother. I worry about her. She is so sick and I just worry they won't take care of her where she's at the way we would take care of her here. The way you took care of her."

"I know you miss her sweetie. But you need to know that she's in the best possible place now. And they are taking good care of her dear, I promise you that."

I nod and sniffle as if I'm trying not to cry. "That isn't all I worry about. The part that's silly but I still can't help but worry about is that I worry I'll be like her too. I worry that whatever she has, whatever illness it is, that I'll get it too. And I don't want to be sick like her."

"Aww, that's not silly dear. It's only natural to worry about things like that. You are made of part of her. But I wouldn't worry about getting her illness dear. Your mother's illness started long before you were born and you'll never have it dear."

A real tear slips from my eye as I think about my mother being ill even before I was born. I use the tear to my advantage and make sure to look Mabel right in the eyes so she can't miss seeing it roll down my cheek. "I didn't realize she'd been ill for that long. Was she always ill? Wasn't she ever healthy?"

"Of course she was. In her day, your mother was a happy and outgoing girl, full of life and energy."

"Did you know her? I mean before she was ill?"

"Well, I knew of her dear. Everyone knew the Donner girls. We were from different crowds of course but she was always a nice girl. She, Maysilee and their friend Lily were inseparable. I think every girl wanted to be their friend and every boy wanted to steal their hearts." She says smiling as she remembers them.

"It's good to know that. Thank you. I know so little about her that it's nice to hear something positive for a change. Nice to think of her as something other than sickly." I say smiling warmly across the table at Mabel. She doesn't realize it but she's given me a tiny clue. She told me the name of a friend I never heard of. Said they were inseparable. Now all I need to do is find out who Lily is and see if she can lead me anywhere.

"See, didn't I tell you that talking about it would help dear?"

"You were right. I think maybe I'll head off to bed now and try to sleep again." I fake a small yawn and rise from the table before leaning over and kissing Mabel on the cheek. "Thank you."

"Goodnight dear. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiles and undoes her apron as she rises from the table.

I nod to her and hurry up the stairs to my room and close the door. I can't wait to see Gale! I also can't believe I just pulled that off! My heart was racing the whole time. I can tell she never suspected a thing. I have no idea who Lily is but I have to find her. She may be able to tell me when exactly my mother began feeling ill. And if she can do that, maybe I can even pinpoint what caused it. Such a tiny clue with such big possibility. And what if they were friends after they grew up? What if this Lily person knew of my mother's plan for me? Obviously my mother lost touch with everyone once she fell ill but perhaps she was able to tell Lily about it prior to that. My mind is all over the place.

I glance over at the clock and see that I still have time before I go to meet Gale. Ugh! I just want to see him now! I try to make the time pass by making a list of all the women around my mothers age who live in town. Most of the town people are types of merchants so I decide to be methodical with my thinking. I start at the edge of town and work my way shop by shop naming the women. Ruth, Mavis, Jeanette, Sondra. I'm halfway around the town square and I can't think of a single person named Lily. There are several women who I only know by last name though so I can't rule them out.

I check the clock again and I'm surprised at how much time has passed. I must have been thinking a lot longer than I thought I was. It's already five past midnight. Gale is waiting already! I jump up, slip on the first pair of shoes my hands can reach and hurry quietly down the back stairs, slipping out the back door as fast as my feet will carry me. When I come around to the back of the shed he's sitting there waiting patiently.

"I'm so sorry! I lost track of time!" I whisper as I take his hand and we climb through the fence and make our way over to the woods. He keeps smiling over at me the whole time we're crossing the field to the woods. I know he's happy to see me but he's acting funny. I raise a brow at him but don't say anything.

Once we're in the woods and at our usual spot he just turns and grins mischievously.

"What?" I ask.

"Nice outfit." He says teasingly.

"What?" I say in confusion before looking down. Oh my gosh, I'm in my nightgown again! I forgot to change back after I talked with Mabel! "Oh no! I didn't think about it! Once I saw that I was late I just grabbed shoes and ran out to meet you." I explain as I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. I am mortified. Flat out mortified.

"I love it. You look stunning." He says laughing as he pulls my hands from my face and kissing my nose.

"Then why are you laughing?" I say, confident my cheeks are still bright red.

"Because you're so darn cute when you get embarrassed."

I look up at him and make a face. He ignores it and just places his hands on my waist and kisses me. His kiss melts away my embarrassment and I lean into him as I kiss him back.

"Guess what? I got a clue about my mother!" I tell him excitedly once our lips part.

"Really? What? How?"

"I chatted with Mabel. Played up the whole missing my mother thing to see if she would unknowingly drop any hints that could help us and she did Gale, she did! Apparently my mother wasn't always so sickly. She and her sister Maysilee were best friends with a girl named Lily. Seems that the three of them were very inseparable."

"How is that a clue?" He asks in confusion.

"Well, my aunt is no longer alive but this Lily person probably is. If I can figure out who she is maybe I can talk to her about my mother. Maybe she can tell me when it was that my mother started to get sick. Or even better, maybe they were still friends when I was born and my mother may have shared something of her plan!"

"Huh. You know, I wouldn't have thought it would be a clue at all but I bet you're right. I'm impressed."

"Oh yeah? Well, don't get too impressed just yet. We still have to figure out who Lily is and then we have to convince her to talk to me about my mother. And we have to do it discreetly." I say, reminding him that we still have work to do.

"So, any ideas on where to find this Lily?"

"Well, she would be about my mother's age. She would live in the town, not the Seam because Mabel said they ran in different circles than she did. I've been running through the merchants trying to think of all the first names of the women. Haven't found a Lily yet but there's several who I only know by their last names."

"I'm afraid I won't be much help on this part. Can't say I know much about the town people that are you're mother's age."

"What about your mother Gale? She went to school with my mother and aunt. I'm sure she could help us locate Lily." I say, surprised the idea never crossed my mind before.

"I don't know. I mean, we can ask her. I can ask her. I doubt she was friends with your mother and this Lily person though."

"She doesn't need to have been friends with them. She just needs to know who Lily was so that we can find out who she is now. Please ask her Gale, please!"

"I will. I'll ask her tomorrow morning. Don't worry."

"Thank you." I say smiling up at him.

"Hey, you said your Aunt died. Was she sick like your mom? Did they have the same thing?"

"No, she was reaped and died in the Games." I tell him quietly.

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry. That must have been hard for your mother, having her sister go into the games. I can't imagine how I'd feel if Rory, Vick or Posy were reaped. I'd probably do the same thing as Katniss did."

"Haymitch Abernathy was in the same games as my Aunt. They were allies for a little while. She died shortly after they parted ways. Even then he still tried to come to her rescue." I tell him.

"That's crazy. The Games are crazy." He says closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I don't want to talk about the games."

"Me either." I agree.

"I think we should discuss your outfit instead." He teases, lightening the mood.

"Are we back to that?" I tease back putting a phony frown on my face.

"Yes. Seriously though, I love it. I already told you how amazing I secretly thought you looked that night I first saw you in it. These ruffles, they drive me crazy ya know." He says as his fingers drag lightly along the edges of the ruffled hem. His eyes have that mischievous look gleaming in them again. It excites me and I smile as my lips meet his.

Our kissing deepens and we fall backward onto the ground, me lying on top of his chest. My fingers grasp at his dark hair and his arms wrap around my back. I work my kiss down to his neck, inhaling the scent of him as I do. When my lips find the spot on his neck, just below his earlobe, he lets out a little moan and I can feel his breath quicken. The moan makes me more eager to touch him, to kiss him. I deepen my kisses, pressing my lips more firmly against his neck and run my hands down to his chest. His hands have traveled down from my back and I shudder in delight as they graze over my hips and lay on the back of my bare legs. My heart is racing as my lips move to find his again. A moan escapes his lips again beneath my kiss and his fingers tighten against the back of my legs. They move upward and mold around the curve of my hips. I press myself more firmly against his body and my breath catches as I feel him pressed against me. My hands tug at his shirt, begging for him to remove it. I want to feel his bare skin, want to kiss his chest. He moves us upright and I wrap my legs around his waist as he lifts his shirt over his head. Both of us are breathing heavy. I take his bottom lip between mine and kiss him with more passion than I have ever felt. His hands ignite a fire against my skin as they grip my thighs.

"Madge…" He breathes out between kisses.

"No." Is all I say in response. I know where he's going just by the tone in his voice. I don't want him to stop us this time. I want him. All of him. Right now. I don't stop kissing him and I move my fingers down to the button of his pants.

He kisses me back without hesitation and though I expect his hands to stop mine, they don't. I fumble with the button on his pants and finally get it undone. I kiss down the taught, tanned skin of his chest and it's only when my tongue crosses his navel that his hands finally stop me.