I woke up to hear whispers and sighs coming from an unknown voice, that I don't recognize. Opening my eyes I look up to see Derek talking. Looking up and around I see Carolyn, Mark, and Cristina talking. "You're awake, how do you feel babe?" Derek asksstroking
my cheek. "Everything hurts, my stomach hurts a lot," I grimace clutching onto Derek's shirt and resting my head back on his chest.
"Mark can you run and get Stefanie?" Derek asks rubbing my back. Mark nods and gets up from the couch to go get her. "Mhhh," I moan in pain digging my face into Derek's chest and tugging on his shirt. "Squeeze my hand babe," Derek tips up my chin as a
/single tear runs out of my eye. "Oh baby, it hurts that much?" Derek asks taking my hand in his as I begin to squeeze his hand.
I bite down on my lip and nod for that's all I can do in so much pain. "It hurts, make it stop," I cry out rolling into the fetal position. Derek stands up wrapping his hands around mine letting me squeeze them tight. "Breathe Mer, just breathe," he calmly
/says as Stefanie comes running in with Mark behind her.
"So you're in pain? Can you roll onto your back or does it hurt too much?" Stefanie asks rolling the computer over to me. "It hurts," I mumble rolling onto my back. "Okay, can I ask you all to leave real quick?" She looks over toward our company. Mark
/stands back up and ushers Cristina and Carolyn out of my room.
"Okay Meredith I'm just going to check you too make sure there isn't any bleeding going on," Stefanie says pulling the blankets up over my knees. She snaps gloves on and rests a hand on my knee as she quickly inserts her fingers. "Bare with me, you're
/going to soon feel a lot more pressure," she says moving her hand in deeper.
I close my eyes and bury my face in the pillows as Stefanie applies more pressure. "Owww," I groan arching my back up as Derek caresses my knee. "Mer look at me, deep breathes," he says cupping my cheek as I clench my teeth and bit on my bottom lip. Derek
/takes my hand that is resting on my stomach and kisses it, "Come on Mer, breathe," he shakes my hand as I let up on my lip and breathe out of my mouth. "Good Meredith, keep breathing you're doing great," Stefanie says as she squirts gel onto the transducer
/and pushes it into me. "Relax, take nice deep breathes," she says watching the monitor.
"Deep breathe in Mer," Derek says breathing with me. I wipe tears away from my eyes and groan in pain as I take a breathe in. "I can't order you any pain medication, I need to get Dr. Levick down here," Stefanie says turning the monitor off and taking
/the wand out of me. "What's wrong?" Derek asks brushing the tears out of my eyes. "I can't be certain until Dr. Levick's down here, I'm going to page her now," she says standing up and going out into the hallway.
"Derek it really hurts!" I cry rolling onto my side and tucking my knees under my chest. "I know honey, squeeze my hand and keep breathing," Derek strokes my hair as I squeeze his other hand in pain. "Ohhhhh," I gasp as a sharp pain increases in my abdomen.
/Squeezing my eyes shut, Derek rests his hand on top of mine over my stomach and gently circles my abdomen.
"Hello Meredith, you seem to be in a lot of pain as I can see. Can you put your legs up and bend your knees? Let me have a quick look?" Dr. Levick says slipping on gloves as Stefanie stands to her side. I turn my body over so I'm on my back and bend my
/knees. "Okay you're going to feel a bit of pressure," she says sitting down by my feet and inserting her fingers.
"Mhhhh," I groan as Derek kneels down and presses his forehead against mine, "Keep breathing baby I know it hurts," he says pressing a kiss to my tear struck cheek. I gasp again at the feel of Dr. Levick pushing down on my cervix. "I know you feel pressure,
/but keep still. I need to get to your uterus to make sure there is no bleeding," Dr. Levick says pushing deeper inside of me as I moan and bury my head against Derek's chest. He strokes my hair out of my face and kisses my hair to calm me.
"Okay I'm now at the top of your uterus," Dr. Levick says taking the ultrasound wand from Stefanie, "I'm going to insert the ultrasound to make sure my diagnosis is correct," she says before pulling out her two fingers and pushing the transducer up into
/me. "Ohhh Derek," I mutter throwing my head back against the pillows. "Okay, I'm against your uterus, I'm going to push down on your abdomen now and make sure what I'm seeing is correct," she says moving her gloves hand over to my pubic bone and pressing
/down hard. "Der, owwwwwwww," I wince out staring up into Derek's eyes as the pain increases.
"Okay all done Meredith," Dr. Levick says pulling the wand out of me and standing up. Stefanie turns the monitor off so Dr. Levick can wash her hands. Derek drapes the blankets back over my feet and pulls them up over my shoulders as he rubs my back.
/Dr. Levick throws the paper towels away and sits down on the chair next to me.
"So what I'm finding that you have is endometriosis, tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus - the endometrium - is growing on the outside of your uterus. I believe this is why you had ovarian cancer, also this can make your periods very
/heavy and painful. Another thing to keep in mind is that this can lead to infertility, since you have already froze your embryos you don't have to worry about that as much," she says as more tears roll free from my eyes.
"I know this is a lot to take in, but this is what is causing your pain. I'd like to get you started on hormone injections and oral pills to get you some relief. A heating pad may also help with the discomfort so we will bring you one in okay?" Dr. Levick
/explains standing up and walking out of my room. Stefanie pushes the ultrasound machine out of the room and shuts my door.
"Derek it really hurts," I plead staring up into his eyes. "Honey they are going to be back soon," he strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. "Will you lay with me? So I can rest against you?" I ask scouting down the bed so he can get in behind me. "Yes
/babe," he says taking his shoes off and climbing in behind me. "Just relax baby," Derek whispers in my ear as I lay against his chest. We thread our hands together and rest them on my abdomen as Derek kisses my neck.
"Okay so we are going to start you on a dose of norethindrone by IV, and estradiol by pill for now. That should help with the pain as well as a heating pad," Dr. Levick says as Stefanie injects me with the IV. "I'll plug the heating pad over here and
/you can just rest it on your abdomen," Stefanie says handing me the heating pad as Dr. Levick hands me the pill to take. "Okay thank you," I sip the water Derek has offered me and lay back against his chest. He wraps his arms around my stomach and
/holds the heating pad in place as it starts to warm up.
"Call me if you need anything," Stefanie says throwing the trash out and walking out with Dr. Levick. "I'll tell your family they can come back in okay?" Stefanie adds and Derek nods his head in agreement. "Does the heating pad help?" He asks rubbing
/it over my stomach. "A little," I sigh, turning over so my head is on Derek's chest and snuggling up against his body as the heating pad is draped over my abdomen in between us. He rubs my back and kisses my forehead as his other hand rests against
/the heating pad holding it in place.
"Feel any better Mer?" Cristina asks walking in first and hopping on the couch. "A little bit," I smile as Carolyn and Mark walk in with food in there hands. "Honey how do you feel? Is the pain going away?" Carolyn asks sitting down in the chair. "Okay,
/the heating pad makes it feel better. Dr. Levick diagnosed me with endometriosis and says that's why I'm in pain and probably why I had ovarian cancer," I explain.
"Oh dear that's terrible, do they think that's why you had an ectopic pregnancy?" She asks as I start to tear up again. "They didn't say Mom," Derek answers wrapping his arms tight around me as I cry. "Sweetie I didn't mean to upset you," Carolyn says
/as I sob out. "I know, Mer it's okay we are going to have more babies," Derek replies rocking me back and forth as my tears settle down. "Here Mer," Carolyn hands me a tissue to wipe my face.
"Meredith it's okay to cry, you're allowed to cry, what you have gone through nobody should have too," she says grasping my hand. "I know- it's just, I think we shouldn't have had sex it feels like God is punishing us," I murmur as I start crying again.
/"Oh sweetie, God doesn't punish good people, you and Derek will have a baby, it will happen trust me," Carolyn says. "I know," I breathe out, "I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you about sex. I just wanted a baby when she said I was
/pregnant. I love Derek so much and I just thought why not and then she told us what was happening and I just, it just ripped me apart. I wanted the baby so badly and we lost it," I say through sobs.
"It's okay, remember I have four daughters, I've been through this sort of thing before. With you and Derek I see my husband and I through your relationship. When we were engaged I experienced a miscarriage, we were only maybe 20, back then though you
/got married early and had kids, so I was so excited when they said I was pregnant. Two weeks later I experienced a miscarriage. It was horrible, Michael and I knew then to count our blessings, and so we got married two months later and had Nancy a
/year later; my point is that everything will work out, you just have to lean on each other for support," Carolyn tells us.
I nod as I clutch onto Derek's shirt as he rubs the heating pad over my abdomen. "Mer, honey we will have more babies soon, and it will be perfect," Derek reassures me squeezing my hand. "That's what I want, I want a big family with you, I want to be
/fat and happy carrying our baby," I smile through the tears pooling out of my eyes. "Sweetie you will have that, you just have to trust God, he has bigger plans for you two. You'll have children when the Lord is ready to bless you with them, until
/then you have two beautiful babies at home waiting to see their mommy," Carolyn smiles.
"Yeah I just wanted a baby that Derek and I created, and when she said I was pregnant I was elated even though we weren't expecting that. Then she ripped my heart out when she said I couldn't carry the baby, it is like my body is against me having babies,"
/I cry as Derek rubs my back. "I know, but think about when you get pregnant next time. Your body will support and care for the baby and that's the miracle of life," Carolyn explains. "Mhhh," I sigh intertwining my hand with Derek's and resting it
/over my stomach.
"One day we will have a baby growing in there Mer," Derek smiles running circles over my stomach. "I can't wait for that," I smile wiping my tears away. "How does your belly feel? Any better?" Derek asks, "Yeah a little better," I reply taking deep breathes
/in and out to relax.
"Mer are you hungry?" Mark asks opening a bag of pretzels. "A little," I smile as he offers the bag to me. "Eat the pretzels, I also got a banana and a strawberry shake for you if you want," Mark says putting them on the tray table and sliding it towards
/me. "Thanks Mark," I say munching on the pretzels.
"Oh look, Izzie just sent this picture to me, now this should cheer you up," Cristina announces standing up and showing me her phone. "Aww my babies are asleep in the swing!" I smile taking her phone to see them closer. "They are adorable babies," Carolyn
/comments looking at the picture. "Thank you," I smile loving seeing them relaxed and sleeping. "Can you send me the picture Cris? They look so darn cute!" I ask handing her phone back to her. "Yup no problem," Cristina says sending me the picture
/of them.
"Here Mer, drink the shake," Derek hands me the strawberry shake and takes the empty bag of pretzels. "Thanks," I murmur sucking on the straw. "Mer I'm going to go, I have that packet in math that is due tomorrow, so I'll see you later," Cristina says
/standing up and picking up her bag. "Mark do you want a ride?" Cristina asks hugging me. "Uh yeah I guess I'll go," Mark stands up and gives Carolyn a hug and comes over to Derek and I and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll cya guys later, thanks
/for coming," I smile. "No problem Mer, feel better," Mark waves and they walk out.
"Carolyn are you sure you don't want to go home with them?" I ask looking over to her. "I'm fine right here," she looks up and smiles. "I'll have Owen or Alex pick you up later if you want," Derek says. "Okay, I just want to make sure you two are alright,"
/she smiles. "How's the pain? Any better?" She asks, "A little with the heating pad, but it still is about a seven or eight," I tell her. Just as Carolyn opens her mouth to respond Dr. Levick knocks and comes in.
"Hello, how are you holding up?" She asks washing her hands at the sink and coming to sit in the chair opposite of Carolyn's. "I'm still in pain, but the heating pad feels good," she nods. "On a scale from one to ten, ten being the worst pain you've ever
/been in what's the pain?" She asks turning the pages over in my chart. "Around a seven or eight, it's just all right here," I put my hand over my abdomen showing her where it hurts the most.
"Does it feel like cramps? Does your back hurt at all?" She asks writing down something and looking up. "Kinda, they feel worse than period cramps, and my back is killing me, that's why I'm laying on my side," I reply. "Are you in the same pain during
/your periods?" She asks, "Yes, except I'm nauseous more during my periods," I respond. "Well you aren't nauseous now because we gave you an anti-nausea medication. You are on birth control correct?" She asks standing up.
"Yes in January I was put on birth control," I say resting my hand on the heating pad and pressing it against my stomach. "Did that help with your symptoms at all? Or do you still bleed heavily and get the cramps?" I groan in pain as the heating pad doesn't
/help anymore. "No when I went back to the gynecologist two days ago she was going to switch my birth control, but she didn't get to because of the ectopic pregnancy," I explain. "So you still get all the symptoms when you get your period? Cramping,
/heavy bleeding, nausea, lower back pain, any other symptoms you get?"
"Yeah I still get those and painful migraines," I hold onto Derek's hand tighter. "Okay, well I want to run a few tests and switch your birth control. Also I'd like to talk to you about possibly having surgery to get rid of the scar tissue from the endometriosis,"
/she says putting gloves on and wheeling the ultrasound machine to the side. "Okay," I respond.
"Alright I want to do another ultrasound to see exactly how much scar tissue I'd have to remove," she says pulling the blankets up and onto my knees as I bend them and Derek stands up holding my hand. "Okay, I'm first going to do a quick pelvic exam to
/make sure you don't have any cysts lining your uterus," she explains sitting at the bottom of the bed.
I grasp Derek's hand tighter as she slowly inserts her two fingers. "Just relax for me, I know it hurts," she says resting her other hand on my pelvis. "Look at me Mer, squeeze my hand baby, I've got you," Derek says tipping my chin up as I gasp in pain.
/"Here take my hand," Carolyn says offering her hand to grasp onto so I'm holding both of their hands.
"You're doing great Meredith, I'm just applying pressure to feel for any cysts," she says pressing her hand in deeper as I feel more pain. I wince and moan in pain as I bite my lip and look up at Derek. "Ohhh Derek!" I cry as my lip quivers, "It's almost
/done honey, breathe in and out," he says stroking my cheek and hair. Dr. Levick presses down on me against my uterus and the pressure there is unbearable. "Meredith keep breathing, you're clenching and it's going to hurt more then," Dr. Levick calmly
/says moving her two fingers around inside of me. I nod and try to breathe through the pain. "Okay I can feel a small cyst along your uterus, now I'll do an ultrasound to see exactly where it is so I can remove it," she takes off her gloves and puts
/a fresh pair on.
"Okay, is there a lot of scar tissue?" I ask, "There is some, but I will be able to remove it laparoscopically through your belly button," she says picking up the wand and sitting back down at my feet. "You know the drill, this will be cold," she smiles
/turning the monitor on. I nod and look over at the screen as she inserts the transducer into me. The pressure is worse this time and I try to just focus on the screen. "Here is your cervix, and moving a little further in is your uterus," she says
/pointing to the screen.
"Here is the cyst, it's medium sized and here is the scar tissue, you see lining your uterus," she points around to the lighter spots on the screen. "Wow, you will be able to remove all of it? And it will take the pain away?" Derek asks kissing my hand.
/"Hopefully, it is a lot of scar tissue, but if I can get around 85% that would be ideal and it would decrease the pain that you're in," she smiles removing the transducer from me.
"Would I still be in pain or would the pain frequency go down too?" I ask. "Both hopefully, the pain should go down, but as for the frequency I've had patients where it's completely stopped and others that the pain still is there, but not as much so we
/will have to wait to know for sure," she says washing her hands and sitting down on the bed.
"Do you have any other questions for me?" She asks, "What will happen if you only get a little of the scar tissue, can I still get pregnant?" I ask. "Well right now I don't see a problem with getting at least 80% of it, so you would be able to get pregnant.
/As for if I only get a small amount it would be harder for you to convince even with the fertility treatments. I'll go in and get the cyst first then remove the tissue," she says. "Okay when can you do the surgery?" Derek asks.
"I can do it in about an hour, I'll book you as an emergency and get you in. The full procedure takes about two hours and you will just be given an epidural to numb you," I nod, "Wow it's that quick and you just numb me," I smile. "Yup, some people get
/nauseous, but nothing too serious, we will wheel you down and the anesthesiologist will inject the epidural. A nurse will be at your head in case you get sick," she explains. "Okay," I grin rolling onto my side. "I'll go book the OR then, see you
/in a few," Dr. Levick says walking out of the room.
"Hopefully dear they can get all of the tissue that way you don't have to suffer in pain anymore," Carolyn says rubbing my arm. "Hopefully," I reply yawning, "Mer go to sleep, maybe you can sleep for a half hour before they take you down," Derek says
/stroking my cheek. "I'll try," I smirk as my eyes flutter shut.
"Hey Mer, time to wake up sweetie," I hear Derek whisper brushing my loose pieces of hair out of my face. "I'm awake," I croak opening my eyes a sliver. "Are you ready to go Mer?" Derek asks. "Yeah," I sigh opening my eyes all the way now. "Meredith can
/you get into the wheelchair?" Stefanie asks moving it to the side of the bed. I nod and roll onto my back and slowly sit up draping my legs over the bed. "Here Mer, I got you," Derek says taking my hands to help me up and sit me in the wheelchair.
/"Okay all set, let's go," Stefanie says.
She wheels me out into the hallway as Derek holds my hand and Carolyn walks to the side. We get on the elevator and go down to the floor the OR's are on. "We have arrived at the double doors, you know the drill," Stefanie smiles and steps to the side
/to give Derek, Carolyn, and I some privacy.
"Meredith everything will work out so don't worry. I love you dear, I'll see you when you come out," Carolyn says giving me a big hug. "Thank you Carolyn for being here, I love you too," I smile letting her step to the side.
"Mer I love you so much, you will do great, even if they don't get all the tissue we will still have a family," Derek kneels down and tips my chin up so we are looking in each other's eyes. "I love you so much too Der. We will get to have a big family,"
/I smile as he leans in to kiss my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and burry my hands in his hair as our tongues meet. Derek pushes his tongue in my mouth as he cups my cheek. I moan into our conjoined mouths and gently pull away smiling. "I love
/you Der," I whisper as we press our foreheads together. "Hmm forever and always babe, I love you," he says pecking kisses on my lips. I pull him into me for a tight hug and rest my head on his shoulder as he rubs my back. "You will do great honey,
/you will be out of pain shortly," he presses a kiss to my hair and we pull away still holding hands.
Stefanie comes up behind me and releases the brake, "Ready?" She asks looking at Derek and I. He nods and kisses my hand one last time before she pushes me past the double doors. I turn back and wave to Carolyn and Derek as we turn into the cold sterile
/OR.
"Meredith I need you to hop up here so I can inject the epidural," the anesthesiologist says as Stefanie helps me up onto the table. "Okay lean your back down," Stefanie says holding onto my hands on my knees. "Okay your going to feel a pinch and then
/a warm feeling over come you, but we need you to lay down immediately when we tell you okay?" the anesthesiologist says moving my hospital gown off of my shoulders as he preps my back with iodine. "Okay," I reply leaning down squeezing Stefanie's
/hands.
I feel the anesthesiologist's cold hands press against my spine and next thing I know I'm in pain as I squeeze Stefanie's hands. "Okay good, now swing your legs up onto the table," the anesthesiologist says. Stefanie helps me readjust and lays a blanket
/over top of me. I shiver as I feel the warm feeling moving down my body. "Perfect," Stefanie says as she holds out my arms on the table.
She drapes the blue sheet around the poles so I can't see anything past my chest and puts a throw up basin next to my head. Dr. Levick comes into the OR from the scrub room and puts her gown and gloves on. She steps past Stefanie and stands by my waist.
/"Can you feel this?" She asks, "Feel what?" I respond, "Okay your all ready and numb," she smiles.
Two scrub nurses pull trays of instruments to the side of my legs as Dr. Levick moves the overhead lights down. "Meredith tell me if you feel anything at all. You may feel some pressure, but it should only last for a couple of seconds," Dr. Levick says.
/I feel a little pressure, but I just close my eyes as the surgeons do there jobs.
"Meredith sweetie you're all done you did great," Dr. Levick says taking off her mask and rubbing my shoulder. "Did you get it all?" I mumble, "We did, it took a little longer, but we got it all," she smiles as a nurse drapes a blanket over me and starts
/wheeling me out. "I'm going to go talk to your family so rest up," she says walking next to me. I nod and close my eyes as sleep over powers me.
-DEREK'S POV
"Hello," Dr. Levick says entering the small waiting room. "How did it all go?" I ask as my mom and I stand up. "She did great, it took me longer than I anticipated, but I was able to get all of the scar tissue so she should heal nicely and be pain
free,"
Dr. Levick smiles. "Oh thank you so much! Wow you got it all!" I smile hugging my mom as tears well up in my eyes. "Oh Derek she's going to be out of pain," Mom says wiping my tears away.
"I can take you to her recovery room if you'd like, she was sleepy coming out of the surgery," Dr. Levick says. "Yes we would love to see her," I smile as we follow Dr. Levick to her room. She pulls open a curtain to reveal a sleeping Meredith. I go and
/sit down by her side and grab her hand and kiss it.
She lightly stirs and mumbles something I can't understand. "Mer honey?" I get up to kiss her forehead as her eyes flutter open. "Der-Derek?" She croaks out with her eyes still half closed. "Yeah Mer, it's me, you did great honey," I kiss her forehead
/again and stroke her hand that is taped with IV's running through her veins.
"Can you get me some water?" She chokes out as I pour water into a pink plastic cup. "Here baby," I hand her the cup to drink from. "Hmm thanks," she smiles resting her head back on the pillows. "Did she get it all?" She asks staring up at me through
/her long lashes. "She got it all Mer," I smile back at her. "Good, I'm glad," she's says as her face lights up.
"Do you feel any pain?" I ask hoping there isn't any. "No my body just feels weird, it's still kind of numb," she giggles her soft laugh that makes my heart beat faster. "That's good," I laugh with her and sit down on the bed. "I think I'm going to sleep,"
/she yawns leaning her head on my shoulder. "Go to sleep babe, you've had an exhausting day," I kiss her hair and gently rub her back. I hear her deep breathes and can see her chest rising and falling with every breath she takes so she is sound asleep.
"Hey Mom," I smile up at her as she slips past the curtain and sits down with food in her hands. "Hello honey, how is she?" She asks putting the food on the tray table. "She was good, giggly even, she asked for water and just feel asleep," I say as my
/mom peels back a banana and takes a bite of it.
"I have a feeling that this will fix Meredith and get her to where you need to be," she smiles drinking a cup of coffee. "Yeah I sure hope so. Hopefully this is her last surgery," I say as Mom gets up to throw the banana peel out. "And that she is out
/of pain," Mom says, I nod, "That we can only pray for," I smile using one of her lines that she used all the time growing up.
"Do you want me to call Mark to come and get you? It's almost 12:30," I say glancing at my watch. She shakes her head, "I'm fine right here," she smiles. Meredith fidgets a little and blinks open her eyes a little. "Mhhh," she mutters as Mom and I look
/at her to make sure she's okay.
"Meredith babe," I stroke her hair, "Go back to sleep," I whisper as her eyes pop open. "Mhhh, I'm okay," she mumbles. She blinks again and sighs, "Derek, will you lay with me?" She whispers in her tiny voice, "Turn over honey," I roll her on her side
/and she lays back against my chest going back to sleep.
"Derek go to sleep, you're exhausted too," Mom says as she covers us with another blanket and kisses both of our heads. "Good night Mom," I whisper as she sits down and reclines pulling a blanket over herself. "Good night dear," she yawns as I close my
/eyes and fall asleep.
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