Disclaimer: See it in Chapter One.
Chapter 36: Recovery
Ever since my change I had too much going on to think about what that change really meant. And now with the Volturi no longer a threat, I had too much time to think about it.
I thought of my parents, with a pang of guilt that I hadn't thought of them sooner. They believed I was dead, the victim of a snake bite. But though the snake venom hadn't killed me, I certainly wasn't alive – at least not in the traditional sense – and this wasn't a secret I could share, even with them.
I would never see Renée or Charlie again.
Or Jacob.
I would never be able to let go of Jacob. When you love someone that much, it doesn't end just because they died. The weeks following his death were hard.
Everything I had once known of existence was completely changed. Except Edward. He remained exactly the same, and he became my rock – the one stable thing in my existence I could cling to now that everything had been turned upside down.
I had lost so much in so little time. I had lost my parents, my best friend, and my mortality. I had lost part of my innocence in that battle with the Volturi. I shuddered when the unbidden image of Jane's head in my hands plagued my thoughts. And then there was that other image that kept replaying.
A huge russet wolf had his jaws wrapped around Caius' neck, but the vampire wasn't going down.
I recalled it at random times.
He raised his fist, and it crashed into Jacob's skull.
Sometimes the memory crippled me, and sometimes I was able to suppress the sickening guilt and remorse.
I knew Edward worried about me, but there was nothing he could do.
It crashed into Jacob's skull.
It was something I would have to learn to live with, and bear.
It took almost two months, but I finally began to feel joy again. All of us had been solemn after the battle with the Volturi and Jacob's death, but nothing can stay that way forever. I found myself laughing, almost unwillingly at first, at Emmett's jokes and Alice's exuberant personality. I didn't want to feel happy. I didn't think I was ready for it. But when something breaks, even a heart, the only thing to do is fix it. And even when dusk falls and it feels as though night will never end, it is always followed by a dawn.
We would have to leave Forks.
None of us really wanted to. We had made this our home for so long, but it was time to move on. Sooner or later people would notice that the Cullens weren't aging, and I couldn't be seen by anyone at all.
So we began to pack our belongings. Soon we would move to a small town north of Winnipeg. There was a place the Cullens had there, but it was just a stopping point. We would only stay there about a year before moving on to somewhere more permanent.
I was loading a box of Edward's books into the trunk of the Volvo when I heard the engine of a familiar car. My initial response of excited happiness quickly sank to disappointment as I realized the driver of that 1986 Rabbit would not be who I hoped it was.
The car pulled up the long drive and I recognized the three figures in it. Leah drove. In the back seat I could see Seth's solid form sprawled in the back. And in the passenger seat was Meg. It must have been a trick of the light, because I thought I saw her smiling.
And that would have been impossible. We had both lost Jacob, and while I had Edward to help me survive the loss, Meg had given more of herself to Jacob than I ever could. So she couldn't have been smiling. I wouldn't believe that she had been.
I was nervous to see them. They had come by a few times the weeks following the encounter, but at that time I hadn't been in the state of mind to see any of the Pack. I wasn't sure now if we would be able to go back to the way we used to be, or if all of us still had to heal.
The car stopped a few yards from me and Leah, Seth, and Meg got out. Meg seemed to have a glow about her. It was easy to see why Jacob had loved her so much. I started to greet them, but before I could, Seth wrapped me up in a hug that lifted me off the ground. I laughed despite myself.
"Good to see you, Bella!" he grinned at me.
"You too, Seth!" I laughed again and he set me down. "Leah!"
"Hey, Bella." She smiled quickly before she too pulled me in to a hug, although hers was more gentle than Seth's had been.
"Hi," said Meg shyly. She took a few steps toward me before throwing her arms around me with complete abandon for the fact that I was a vampire, and she was a human. I made sure to treat her gently, like a china doll.
"We wanted to say good-bye before you packed up and left," Seth explained. "We know you probably won't be back for a while, so…" his voice trailed off.
"So you wanted to get Esme to make you something to eat one last time before we went?" I teased, but Seth's eyes lit up.
Leah noticed it too, and she groaned. "I swear, Seth! Is that all you boys ever think about?"
"No," said Seth with a huge smile spreading across his face. "I also think about-"
"Okay!" she cut him off. "I don't want to hear it if I don't have to! Bella, you're lucky. Trust me, you do not want to know what goes on in the male mind!"
"Oh, yeah, like it's such a joy to have to hear what's in your head, Leah! Bella, did you know that Leah-"
"That's enough, Seth!" she scowled at him.
"Why don't we get him something to eat. It will keep him from talking," I laughed. "Esme's right inside and we haven't packed any of the kitchen stuff yet. I'm sure she'll be happy help you out."
I opened the door and the bickering siblings walked inside. Meg hung back, her hands in the pockets of her jeans.
"Do you want something to eat?" I asked her.
"No, well, yes, but I want to talk to you first."
I felt anxiety spreading through me. What would she want to say? Was she mad at me? Did she blame me for what happened? I unconsciously held my breath in anticipation.
"Oh, I have something for you," she said and walked back toward the car. She opened the door and pulled out three rectangular objects. She held on to them protectively before speaking again.
"He wanted to give these to you." She didn't have to explain who 'he' was. "He told me that the day before he met me he had planned on coming by and dropping them off. They're yours, well, the first two are. He got them from your dad's house and he thought you would want them back."
She handed me two of the books, and I instantly recognized my copy of Wuthering Heights and my compilation of Jane Austen novels. I ran my hands over the familiar worn bindings, unsure of how to feel.
"The last one…" Meg paused to wipe a tear from her eye, but she was smiling. "He noticed you didn't have the last book in your collection, so he bought it for you. Jacob said you'd get a kick out of it." She laughed and wiped away another tear before she handed the book to me.
Dracula. Of course. I laughed. He knew me so well. I did get a kick out of it.
"He wrote something in there for you," she said meekly.
I took a breath to steady myself before I opened the cover and read the message in his rough handwriting, dominating the page.
Bells,
Use this as a guide on "How Bloodsuckers Shouldn't Act." Not that you'll need it. I should've known you'd come out of this okay. No matter what, I'll always be your friend.
Love,
Jacob
I ran my hand over the inscription and traced his signature. "Love, Jacob." I had no tears to cry, but my heart welled with an unstable mixture of emotions.
"Thank you," I whispered to Meg. "It means a lot to me. I know that you must have been going through a lot…"
"That's not the only reason I'm here," she said. "Bella, I have something else to tell you."
Meg paused and inhaled before she began.
A/N: A real quick thank you to RyAnn Leigh for her help with this chapter, and if you haven't checked out her story, there's a link on my profile.
Thanks for reading, and thanks to those that have reviewed!