The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione
Note: A BIG, BIG, BIG THANK YOU TO WHOEVER NOMINATED THIS STORY AT THE DRAMIONE AWARDS (the link is posted on my profile page) UNDER THE "YET TO KNOW" (incomplete) CATEGORY!
Ooh, and voting at the Dramione Awards begins soon... I would be honored to have your vote... (but of course, there are tons of stories nominated that are WAY better than mine, so I completely understand if you would rather vote for a different story...)
Thanks to my 1400th reviewer, tianyi! And thanks to all my other reviewers!
Disclaimer: Hem, hem. Harry Potter does not belong to me. Hem, (Who on earth would want that insolent child?) hem. And this coughing trademark belongs to the honorable Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge, who is a very kind, gentle, thoughtful, intelligent, and respected woman whose life was disrupted by HARRY POTTER- I'M OUT TO GET YOU! HEM, HEM!
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Chapter 36 (A/N: I can't believe this story has 36 chapters already!) – Troubling Troubles
The teachers were walking back to the school.
McGonagall trudged ahead of Snape, Dumbledore, Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick, who were talking about the game.
Snape cleared his throat loudly.
McGonagall walked on.
Snape coughed.
McGonagall paid him no attention.
"Minerva!" Snape yelled, no longer trying to subtly attract McGonagall's attention.
McGonagall whipped around so fast that her hair nearly fell out of its bun.
"What!"
Snape looked very smug, and McGonagall resisted the urge to punch him again.
"You do realize who won the game…" Snape reminded her.
The other professors tried their best to conceal their laughter.
"Hmph," McGonagall started walking away.
"You remember our agreement, right?" Snape was smiling wickedly.
McGonagall froze.
"Since Slytherin won, I get to choose a task for you…" Snape continued.
McGonagall stiffened.
"…But since I am too joyful about our, ahem, my, victory to humiliate you, no wait, you were already humiliated," Snape laughed aloud. "I am going to decide what sort of embarrassing act you'll have to do later. Let's take a rain check, eh?"
McGonagall was busy contemplating the number of ways in which to murder Snape.
"Of course, I understand your dislike toward me…" Snape said.
I could put a rattlesnake in his bed… McGonagall thought.
"…I'm sure I won't choose anything too shameful for you to do…" Snape continued.
Maybe I could light him on fire… Hmm… Didn't that already happen? McGonagall wondered.
"…But then again, I am head of Slytherin, so I can't make any guarantees…"
I can poison his tea! Wait, he doesn't drink tea… I could poison his beer!
"…If you die of humiliation, well, it'll be a shame that such a wonderful teacher has left Hogwarts…" Snape was still talking, unaware that McGonagall wasn't listening.
I could accidentally push him off the Astronomy Tower…
"…We'll understand if you decide not to show your face in Hogwarts for the next seven years, when all the first years have left… Of course, all the teachers will still remember what you did…"
McGonagall imagined a screaming Snape falling of the Astronomy Tower… Falling… Flailing his arms… Crying for mommy… Smacking the ground… A random dog peeing on him…
McGonagall laughed aloud.
"…"
Snape was the first to break the silence. "I swear all the teachers have gotten ADD these days!"
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Hermione Granger was the last one to leave the Quidditch field. She left the stands and walked across the grass. Halfway across the field, Hermione realized the Snitch was still in her hand. She thought about releasing it, but decided to put it into her pocket, thinking it might come in handy later. She was right.
Hermione's mind was repeating the scene over and over in her head… The glint of gold… A hand reaching up to grab it… The flutter of the wings against her hand… The roar of the crowd…
Hermione sighed. Today had been full of surprises.
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Suddenly, a scream burst shattered the silence of the grounds.
The teachers looked at one another.
"Wha-" Flitwick began.
"Sprout!" Trelawney cut in.
"Why do you always assume it's my fault?" Sprout protested.
"Did you remember to close the door to Umbridge's office?" Trelawney asked.
Sprout's eyes widened.
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Inside Hogwarts, mass chaos had erupted. Nifflers were running around everywhere. Most students had taken shelter inside their common rooms, careful not to let any nifflers inside. In the corridors, suits of armor were destroyed (Nifflers go after shiny things.) and there was much damage done everywhere.
The teachers entered the Great Hall, Dumbledore remembering to turn them back into themselves ("But I liked being young," Sprout said.) at the last minute.
Immediately, Dumbledore took action and tried to vanish the nifflers. It didn't work.
Flitwick attempted to place an immobilization charm on them. They only ran around faster.
McGonagall tried to transfigure them into rocks, but they suddenly multiplied.
Snape tried to brew a potion to make the nifflers disappear.
Trelawney ran away.
Sprout decided to have a brilliant, or incredibly stupid moment, her second one today, what a record!
"ACCIO NIFFLERS!" Sprout yelled.
Hundreds of nifflers zoomed towards her. Nifflers flew from every corner of Hogwarts. They came through the ceilings and walls. The teachers (who were the only ones that hadn't taken cover in the common rooms) ducked.
Every single niffler zoomed toward Sprout, who started cuddling as many as she could get her hands on.
Sprout ran out of Hogwarts, a crowd of nifflers following her.
Dumbledore began to ask her where she planned to deposit the nifflers, but decided to assess the damage first.
There were many niffler-shaped holes in the walls and ceilings. Suits of armor and other items were scattered throughout the corridors.
Sprout ran back inside, niffler-free.
Dumbledore somehow managed to clean everything up in one spell. ("Wow, it worked like magic!" Sprout cried.)
But, there was one thing that even Dumbledore couldn't clean up.
It was perhaps the most horrible thing ever to embrace Hogwarts.
More disgusting than Snape's hygiene.
More sinister than Lord Voldemort.
More appalling than Sprout's stupidity.
It was…
Your worst nightmare (other than the one concerning Snape in a bikini)...
The most evil...
Most dreaded...
Niffler poop.
It was everywhere.
And it smelled horrible.
Dumbledore tried to mask the smell with a strong spell.
Snape tried to brew a scent potion.
McGonagall tried to transfigure the poop into flowers.
Flitwick attempted to make the poop disappear.
Trelawney had not yet returned from her hiding spot, but would have undoubtedly run away again.
Sprout stood there.
The niffler-poop would not go away.
The situation was getting desperate.
Then, Sprout did the most random thing, or perhaps yet another brilliant/stupid thing, or both.
She dashed up the steps and went to Umbridge's office. The teachers weren't sure whether Sprout was trying to help or commit suicide by jumping out the window.
Everyone hoped it was the suicide.
Minutes later, Sprout dashed back.
Everyone sighed. She didn't die.
Then, Sprout did something amazing, and yet so simple that it made all the teachers' jaws drop.
She was holding a broom. But not a flying broom, a regular broom.
Sprout began sweeping the poop off the floor.
The teachers gasped so loudly that it must have sounded as if someone had did something crazy, like Snape washing his hair, or Flitwick growing taller.
The poop gathered into a large pile. Sprout pulled out a large Wal-mart bag (where on earth had she gotten one? Apparently, she was a preferred shopper...) and swept all the poop into the bag. The horrible smell disappeared.
Sprout vanished the bag (When on earth had she learned how to do a useful spell?).
The teachers were dumbstruck. Literally. They were struck by Sprout's dumbness.
Suddenly, Dumbledore did something surprising.
He clapped.
And clapped.
And clapped.
The rest of the teachers joined in.
They broke into applause.
Sprout bowed.
And bowed.
And bowed.
She bowed so many times that she got a headache.
She bowed until the teachers had all stopped clapping and were staring at her.
Today, everyone had learned something new: Sprout wasn't as dumb as she looked. She was dumber than she looked. And yet, her stupidity saved them all, three times.
"Sprout, you did it!" Flitwick cried.
"I know. Something like this takes great mental tough-ocity," Sprout said, pointing at her brain.
The teachers returned to whatever teachers normally do. There was still niffler-poop on the other floors, but Dumbledore decided to leave that to the students to take care of.
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Hermione lingered on her way to the school. Suddenly, the ground shook and she saw a very strange sight. There were hundreds upon thousands of nifflers, and Sprout was leading them. Hermione shook her head. She must be imagining things. Suddenly, as unexpectedly as they had come, the nifflers were gone. Where had they gone?
Hermione spun in a circle and looked around. Seeing nothing, she continued her walk back to Hogwarts. Her mind must be playing games with her today.
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The rest of the day went rather smoothly. Eventually, students came out of hiding and discovered the niffler-poop… Soon enough, however, students being less smart than teachers (well, most teachers), everyone started sweeping up the poop before resorting to useless spells.
Lunch proceed as usual. Thankfully, the nifflers had all been evacuated, or else they would have gone crazy over the shiny dishes and goblets.
Sprout was busy bragging to the other professors (ones who had not been involved in the Quidditch game or the niffler-incident) about her achievements.
"And there was a whole gang of nifflers with big guns!" Sprout exaggerated. "Everyone got scared! Trelawney ran away screaming!"
"I was not screaming!" Trelawney interjected.
"Anyway, I was the only smart one, and I cast a VERY complicated spell-" Sprout continued, waving her wand in squiggly motions as if performing a spell.
"-You said 'Accio nifflers!'," Trelawney snapped.
"And I solved the niffler crisis! Everyone gave me a standing ovation! They clapped for ages! I couldn't get them to stop!" Sprout said.
"You bowed 27 times!" Flitwick said.
Sprout glared at him. "Hey, I'm telling the story here! And the nifflers were gone! But then, there was a bigger problem!" Sprout paused dramatically. "It was huge! Everyone was shocked!"
"It was niffler poop," Flitwick said.
"Hey! You ruined the suspense!" Sprout cried. "So, anyway, everyone was doing useless stuff, like vanishing it-"
"My vanishing spell was not useless! One piece disappeared!" Flitwick protested.
"That's because you stepped on it," McGonagall said.
Flitwick looked at the bottom of his shoe and grimaced.
"So, I was the smart one-" Sprout continued.
Snape coughed.
"Ahem, like I was saying, I was the smart one and I-" Sprout began.
Snape coughed violently.
Sprout ignored him. "I was being smart and decided to-"
Snape gave a loud cough that shook his entire body.
"WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!" Sprout yelled.
Then, everyone realized that Snape was not coughing about Sprout's stupidity.
He was choking.
"Should we save him?" Flitwick asked aloud.
Everyone thought for a minute.
"Nah," everyone agreed.
But, McGonagall had a shred of decency (after all, she was head of Gryffindor) and decided to… bargain with Snape.
"If I save your life, what do I get in return?" McGonagall asked Snape, who was turning blue.
Snape coughed some more and made some gagging noises.
"Will you pay me?" McGonagall asked.
Snape coughed loudly and grabbed at his throat.
"Will you not make me do my task?" McGonagall poked Snape.
Snape nodded his head as fast as he could.
"Okay, I guess I'll save you…" McGonagall decided.
She punched Snape in the back.
A chicken bone flew out of his mouth.
Snape gasped for breath.
"Hmm… I killed two birds with one stone; I got to hit Snape and no longer have to do my task," said McGonagall.
Snape gave her a dirty look.
This time, it was McGonagall who looked smug.
"One day, I'm gonna make you pay for that…" Snape vowed, still gasping for breath.
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After lunch, Draco was in deep thought. He had basically admitted that he like Hermione… to Krum… But that wasn't the important part. Now, Draco seemed to have gone from denial to… admittance. And he knew what came after admittance… Acceptance, and then confrontation.
He planned to tell Hermione about his feelings toward her.
Draco knew where to find Hermione. He always seemed to know where Hermione was, even though it was painfully obvious. The library.
Draco walked to the library and looked for Hermione.
He found her sitting in an armchair in the back of the library. Draco had often noticed Hermione sitting there, but never before had he ever been looking to find her there.
Draco stood beside a bookshelf, behind where Hermione sat.
She wasn't reading, but appeared to be asleep.
Draco immediately realized that she wasn't sleeping; she seemed to sigh now and then.
Maybe she was thinking; maybe thinking of him, Draco hoped. He had no idea how right he was.
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Oftentimes, Hermione discovered that she needed time alone, time to think.
Today, Hermione's thoughts were focused on a certain blonde ferret. A cute blonde ferret.
She'd have to admit, out of all the Quidditch players in the game, only one had caught Hermione's eye, and no, it wasn't Krum.
Hermione realized that she had spent the entire Quidditch game staring at Draco. He, however, didn't look at her.
Many times, Hermione had thought that if you stare at someone for a long time, they're bound to notice and glance at you. This time, however, it seemed as if Draco never looked at her.
He was busy with the game, Hermione reminded herself.
She was certain that Draco liked her. But, how could she possibly be sure?
But, all the days she had spent with Draco (attached to him) only strengthened her confidence that Draco had feelings for her.
Suddenly, Hermione realized that she missed being chained to Draco. At least being chained to him gave her an excuse to be near him. How would it look now if she suddenly spent time with him?
To be honest with herself, Hermione couldn't wait until tomorrow (Monday), when she would be chained to Draco again. Somehow, the tasks didn't seem so bad anymore. Hermione had no idea how wrong she was.
The only thing left to do on Monday was tell Harry that she wouldn't go out with him, but tell him in the best possible way. Hermione reminded herself not to let Harry know that she like Draco; that would only hurt him more.
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Draco had no idea how long he had been standing there, looking at Hermione. But, he soon became aware that someone was approaching. Draco pulled a book off the shelf and pretended to read, while wondering who was walking by.
Draco pretended to immerse himself in Beauty Basics for Young Witches.
There were a hundred other books on the shelf, and I had to pick this one! Draco thought angrily.
Harry Potter walked by, giving Draco a strange look, having seen the title of the book.
Draco smacked his forehead, once Harry passed him.
Great, now the whole school will know about the "secret nature" of Draco Malfoy! Draco thought.
There was, however, something else that caught his attention at the moment.
Harry was talking to Hermione.
Draco was only four feet away, and could hear every word of their conversation.
"So, Hermione," Harry said slowly.
Hermione looked up, surprised.
"Have you decided whether you want to go out with me?" Harry asked.
Draco froze. An unsettling thought occurred to him. I might lose Hermione to Harry Potter.
Draco was relieved to hear uncertainty in Hermione's voice.
"I… I'm not sure… I'll tell you t-tomorrow…" Hermione said.
Draco breathed again (When had he started holding his breath?).
Hermione wasn't sure. That meant that she might like someone else, namely, him.
Draco walked away, realizing that he was invading on Hermione's privacy. However, it had made him feel better to know that Hermione might like him, and not Harry.
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Once Harry left, Hermione thought about Draco some more.
In a mere two weeks, she had grown from hating him to liking, and maybe even loving him.
How on earth had such romance blossomed so quickly?
Hermione sank in her seat.
Then, she decided to pull herself out of her thoughts. She pulled a random book off a bookshelf and started reading.
Hermione sank in her seat.
Then, she decided to pull herself out of her thoughts. She pulled a random book off a nearby bookshelf.
Beauty Basics for Young Witches, Hermione read to herself. Heh, I might as well, Hermione thought, flipping to a chapter titled, "Tame that Mane". She began reading.
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Dinner that night was nearly normal. Snape had recovered from his previous choking episode.
McGonagall, however, was busy entertaining the other teachers with her impressions of Snape.
She was clutching her throat and making gagging noises.
The other teachers were laughing hysterically.
Snape was glum. He didn't even have enough in him to brag about the Quidditch victory.
Dumbledore was amused by McGonagall's acting.
Now, it was Snape who was contemplating ways to kill McGonagall.
I could hit her with a bat… Snape thought.
McGonagall shook in her chair, imitating Snape.
I could make her choke on a bagel! No, wait, I think I already did that... Snape thought.
McGonagall made coughing noises as Snape had done.
I could make her listen to Professor Binns for an hour!
McGonagall grabbed at her throat.
Snape imagined McGonagall bound to a chair, listening to Binns drone on and on… She would be crying for mercy… Then, she'd die…
McGonagall added a part to her Snape-imitation by giving one last cough and pretending to die. She collapsed on the table.
Snape imagined that the collapsed McGonagall was the one who had suffered Professor Binns-torture.
"HA!" Snape cried.
"…"
"And he thought I had ADD," McGonagall broke the silence.
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After dinner, Hermione was making her way to the Gryffindor Common Room, when she suddenly remembered something.
I'm in Slytherin now, Hermione thought.
Suddenly, as if appearing out of nowhere, Dumbledore approached Hermione.
"Miss Granger, tonight will be your first night in the Slytherin girl's dormitory. You are to gather your belongings and go there immediately. The password is 'Quodpot', and Pansy Parkinson will show you the dormitory," Dumbledore said.
Hermione didn't bother to wonder what "Quodpot" was. She entered the Gryffindor Common Room, expecting everyone to start booing her for catching the Snitch for Slytherin.
No one booed her, for Hermione had left dinner a bit early.
Hermione packed her trunk and dragged it down the stairs. As it hit the last step, the trunk burst open.
At that moment Harry and Ron entered.
Hermione gathered her things and repacked her trunk. Thankfully, nothing embarrassing was in view of the two boys. Hermione hoped Harry and Ron wouldn't hate her for accidentally catching the Snitch.
As if reading her mind, Harry said, "Don't worry, Hermione, we still love-er-like you, even though you caught the Snitch. I'll still be your boyfr-friend who happens to be aboy… I'm not sure about Ron," Harry whispered to Hermione as he walked by.
Hermione couldn't tellif Harry was joking or not, or whether he referring to the "friend" part or the "boy" part. Hermione hoped it was the first one.
She finished putting everything into her trunk and left the Common Room, trying not to make eye contact with Ron and Harry.
Hermione made her way to the Slytherin Common Room, at the other end of Hogwarts. (A/N: Does Slytherin have its own tower like Gryffindor? Or is their Common Room located near the dungeons?)
Hermione was hoping no one would ask her what she was doing. A few people did, but she ignored them.
Hermione stopped at an ugly portrait portraying the cruel slaughtering of Muggle-borns. It reminded her of the Holocaust. Hermione was disgusted.
"Quodpot," she said.
A wizard in the portrait said, "No, I'm sorry. The password has changed."
"But-" Hermione began.
"No excuses. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Mudbloods to kill," the wizard said.
Hermione wanted to punch the portrait, but controlled her anger.
Suddenly, the portrait swung open and Draco stepped out. He looked surprised to see Hermione standing there, but soon understood, seeing her trunk.
"The password's Creaothceann," Draco told Hermione.
"You guys come up with the strangest passwords," Hermione said.
"Blame it all on him." Draco pointed at the wizard in the portrait that was killing Muggle-borns.
Hermione poked the portrait and, not waiting for the wizard's response, stepped inside. She immediately concluded that the room was the most Slytherin place imaginable. Everything looked sinister. The walls were grey, the armchairs were dark green, the fireplace was dark and had obviously been unused for ages. Hermione wondered how she would survive.
"There you are!" cried a shrill voice.
Hermione wasn't sure whether to stay or run away.
Pansy Parkinson marched up to Hermione. Hermione noticed her hat, which had "Viktor Krum" in squiggly writing on it. It looked as if Krum had signed the hat in brown eyeliner.
"Come with me," Pansy commanded.
Pansy strode to the end of the room (Hermione grimaced every time Pansy's heels scraped against the floor) and walked up a staircase. Pansy opened a door. Hermione stepped inside the room.
Hermione realized all too late that she was not in a dormitory.
Suddenly, Pansy shut the door and locked it.
"Have fun in the closet, Mudblood!" Pansy cried, running off.
Hermione had to laugh at Pansy's sad attempt to lock her in a closet. Pansy had not accounted for the fact that Hermione was smart, possessed a wand, and still had her trunk, which she could easily use to break the door open.
But, Hermione hadn't acknowledged one very crucial detail. She was not alone.
"Hello, Hermy-oh-nee," said a deep, heavily accented voice.
Hermione knew she would've recognized that voice anywhere, although she had never imagined that she would be in a situation like this.
Hermione wasn't sure whether to scream, slap, or Stun.
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Note: I know, I know! Yet another cliffhanger! I'm sorry, but I just wanted to add something interesting this story, and this was the right time…
The passwords for the Slytherin Common Room were random words I chose out of Quidditch Through the Ages.
Somehow, I feel like this needs to be said: This story is rated T and will remain so. No, Viktor Krum does not rape Hermione. No, he doesn't kill her, although that would make an interesting tragedy.
Hmm… This story is still Romance/Humor… Although it has taken on a tiny bit of a serious edge…
Yes, I will update as soon as I can… I seem to have developed a habit of updating on Sunday nights... (U. S. Pacific time), mostly so that when I come home after a long Monday of school, I can read some reviews.
Please review! (and please vote at the Dramione Awards, the link is posted on my profile page.)