[In "Charity Drive" in season 1, Gob was supposed to break into the permit office to plant stuff in the files, so he cased the joint as a Courier Express delivery man. However, Gob chipped his tooth and became too memorable, so he passed the job onto George Michael.
Also, I realize now that the gift receipts in Sitwell's presents should not have had prices on them, so I've changed earlier chapters to say they were just making lists of which stores to return the gifts to.]
Still stuck in his hotel room, Michael tried again to edit the magic video into something presentable, but he had trouble cutting out the ending with the doves flying away. Besides, he was still somewhat worried and distracted by how needy Gob sounded on the phone.
Michael turned off the laptop and disconnected it from the video camera. He slipped the computer into his leather bag, then started packing clothes to move out tomorrow. Michael hoped that Gob would take back the video camera when he came over tonight; otherwise Michael would have to bring the camera along when Lindsay picked him up.
While Michael sat on the bed to fold clothes, he recalled discussing fake names with Gob last night before they went to sleep. From what Gob said, he apparently thought of them as Ricky and Derek from iSilver Spoons/i, even though those TV characters were only friends, not brothers. That must be because Gob secretly knew they weren't related. Michael imagined what life would have been like if he and Gob hadn't been raised as brothers. If they had just met in school, or been neighbors. He wished they could have grown up that way for real.
Michael considered the episode when Derek got written out; he could remember it because Gob had been rather annoyed, and he lost interest in the sitcom afterward. Derek had to move away due to his parents getting a divorce. Ricky, who had often made sarcastic and judgmental remarks about Derek to his face, was actually sad to see him go. So the kids did bond despite their sparring relationship, and they shared a goodbye hug.
Similarly, Michael felt sad when Gob left town after Eve Holt got pregnant; even though it meant that Michael wouldn't have to Boyfight with Gob any more, he still sort of missed him being around. And he certainly didn't feel triumphant or pleased about Gob getting beaten outside the club in Torrance in 1987. That was why Michael talked him into putting Franklin in storage; because he still loved his brother despite their childhood problems.
Meanwhile Lindsay had lunch with Tobias and Steve Holt at the model home. After they finished making a list of all the stores her birthday presents came from, Steve had called Sue Hsu to ask if she still liked him. He convinced her that the Bluth scandal was untrue gossip, and she agreed to have a date tonight, as long as they drove out of town to avoid reporters.
"That's nice." Then Lindsay asked Steve to go live with Buster and Oscar at the penthouse.
Steve was surprised, because he was just starting to settle in and feel like a part of the Bluth family. "You don't want me to stay here, Aunt Lindsay?"
Tobias also protested because he liked having Steve Holt at the model home. He had hoped that Steve might help him rehearse lines for his part as the homeschool teacher in Maeby's movie. After all, Steve had acted in the high school Shakespeare play that Tobias directed. "Lindsay, don't kick him out. He may be Gob's son, but he's still our nephew." Tobias didn't care that Lindsay was adopted and not blood-related to the Bluths; after all, Lindsay still loved George Sr. like he was her real father.
Lindsay explained, "I didn't mean it like that, Steve. I'd love to have you stay with us. It's just, there's the scandal, and the reporters might think we were dating or something."
"Oh," Steve said, not having realized that before. "But I can just tell them I'm dating Sue."
"Would she be okay with that? She wants to avoid the reporters. Besides, you were fighting with my dad earlier about the magic doves."
Steve said, "Well, maybe I'll keep them in the garage or something. Or take them back to my dad's yacht to practice." He did want to hang out with Gob more.
Lindsay tried another angle. "Come on, Steve, why would you want to live in the kids' old room, when you're not a kid? You're 21 now, right?"
"Yeah," he said.
"And when you date Sue, you don't wanna bring her back to a room with bunk beds, do you?"
"Oh, I guess not." Steve did feel that he should try to act more grown up now that he wasn't dating high school girls anymore. Sue went to college, but was home with her family for the summer.
Lindsay added, "Besides, Buster can rehearse magic with you. He used to do shows with Gob."
Steve got excited, "Yeah, maybe he can help me learn to be a good assistant for my dad."
Tobias pouted and said he didn't want to be alone with George Sr. constantly making fun of his acting. He'd probably call him a "useless Nellie" too.
"Don't worry, honey." Lindsay told him that he wouldn't have to be all alone fighting with Dad for long. She told him that Sitwell was going to start building more houses soon, and they were renaming the place Paradise Gardens.
That did cheer up Tobias. "So there will be a lot of construction workers here, with all their cranes and trucks and swinging balls?" Construction had stopped on Sudden Valley a long time ago, and he was excited for it to resume. "I could bring them lemonade and stuff."
"Sure." Lindsay hoped that seeing all the brawny construction guys would make Tobias happy, and possibly he could find a man to date.
Later that afternoon, Gob went to retrieve a copy of his Franklin CD from the model home, and he ran into Steve Holt alone and feeding the doves in the living room. Lindsay and Tobias had gone to return all of Sitwell's birthday gifts for money, and George Sr. was still golfing at the country club.
Gob started to talk to his son, and Steve explained that he was going to move in with Buster and Oscar at the penthouse, and Gob was pleased.
"Good," Gob said to Steve. "And you're still going on that date with that girl?"
"Yeah," Steve replied happily. "I called Sue, and she believes me! We're gonna have a great time tonight." To impress her, he would probably tell her all about his joining the Magician's Alliance tomorrow, and he hoped that she would admire his career.
"That's great. Love each other." Gob then headed upstairs to search for the Franklin CD in the master bedroom.
Steve soon took the doves (in their cage) out to his Camaro, so he could drive to the penthouse at Balboa Towers. He was also going to bring his packed bags and the boombox with the Final Countdown CD in it. Lindsay already called Buster to tell him that Steve was moving in.
Gob quickly found the CD where Michael left it, so Dad must not have found it when he moved in. It looked like Dad just hung all his clothes in the walk-in closet, instead of using any dresser drawers. Gob smiled and put the CD in his pocket before he returned downstairs.
Getting on his Segway, Gob quickly left the model home and returned to his yacht to figure out how to sneak into the hotel again. His usual method of entering the restaurant, hiding out in the bathroom until the restaurant closed, and sneaking up the stairwell, probably would not work with all the paparazzi outside. So Gob decided to go in disguise as a delivery man, like he did at the permit office a few years ago. But maybe he should wear dark glasses and a wig too.
While Gob was retrieving his disguise, he noticed that the page on the clipboard had been signed by someone at the permit office, and the name was Charlie Levinson.
Gob considered that name for Michael's alias in Cabo, and he said to Franklin, "That sounds like a believable lawyer's name, doesn't it?"
Franklin said, "Yeah, and Michael likes names that start with 'Cha' too." Gob had mentioned "Chareth Chamberlain" already.
"Yeah, and it's not too long." Gob tore the page off the clipboard and gave it to Franklin. "Okay, remind me to make a passport with that name later." He was glad to finally have a fake name picked out for Michael.
Then Gob got out some dark sunglasses, and Tony Wonder called back to tell him the time of Alliance meeting tomorrow. "Okay thanks."
"And I called all the members back. They're fine with voting your son in too. It'll be so great to see the look on Rollo's face."
"Yeah." Gob chuckled. Then he decided to go ahead and ask Tony Wonder to bring a magic DVD to the meeting for him.
"Oh, you don't have one already?"
Gob lied, "No, uh, I lost half my stuffs during my divorce. So I was hoping you could get me a new copy so I can show Michael, and he can make a DVD of my father-son show too."
"Okay. I'll get you replacements, Gob, plus the new DVD of my gay show."
Gob rolled his eyes at Franklin, because he didn't like Tony's new gay magic act. There was all the glitter and the lame slogan, "I'm here, I'm queer, now I'm over here." Also, the voiceover about a disapproving father reminded him too much of his own father. Gob decided that he would just give that particular DVD to Steve Holt to study how to be a good assistant. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Okay, bye Gob!" Tony then hung up and eagerly searched for extra copies of all his DVDs to give to Gob. He would autograph them all and wrap them up together like a present.
When Sally Sitwell came over that night, she was amused by Tony getting so excited for the Magician's Alliance meeting. They heated up the leftover pasta for dinner, and she told Tony about all the old photos and news clippings she dug up about Lindsay today. She was going to mail the package to Maeby in Hollywood soon.
"That's nice," Tony said, not really paying attention to his girlfriend. He opened a new bottle of red wine, even though Sally told him that it didn't go with chicken. "I like it," he insisted, though he agreed to grab a chilled white wine bottle from the fridge for her.
When George returned from golfing, he complained to Lindsay that the shareholders didn't want to vote Sitwell out yet. All the scandalous gossip about the Bluth family made them too nervous to make another major change at the company board meetings.
"I tried to tell them that this whole scandal was Sitwell's fault for inviting all the news media to the party, but they wouldn't agree. They even liked his press release, and they're hoping that will fix it."
"I'm so sorry, Daddy," Lindsay said, then tried to cheer him up by showing him all the money they got from returning Sitwell's gifts to the stores.
George was very happy to count the cash and pocket it. "Great. Now we'll have plenty of money to buy back shares once we convince people to sell." He went upstairs to put the money away in a locked drawer.
When he returned downstairs, they had dinner with Tobias, and George asked, "So you made Steve Holt move out already?"
"Yeah, he's at the penthouse with Buster and Oscar."
"What? I thought you were sending him to the hotel to watch Michael."
Lindsay told him about the change of plans. "Michael was whining that Gob would get mad at him, so I decided to move him into the cabin." She explained about Sitwell finding both halves of the cabin and bringing them back to Orange County soon.
"That's my cabin, though," George complained. "Michael shouldn't have got rid of it in the first place, even if he was depressed about dating that simple-minded Rita."
Tobias said, "I don't even know why he had dates with her in the same cabin car where she got beaten and drugged; I guess she really didn't remember the kidnapping."
George shrugged, not caring. "Michael should have married her for the money, and then just let her live in the cabin car. Rita could play the banjo all she wanted, or crash the trains in the Tiny Town set that Gob built. We could have kept her happy and hidden away from her Uncle Trevor, but no, Larry Mittleman had to screw it up."
Lindsay said, "Well we've got the cabin back now. I'm going to teach Michael a lesson by making him live in it."
George did like the idea of punishing Michael, but he wasn't sure about the method of Lindsay's revenge. "Actually it's not that bad a cabin, when it has the bedrooms attached. I brought lots of mistresses there, when it was in Lake Tahoe."
"Yeah, but that cabin hasn't been used in forever, Daddy, and it's probably all musty and smelly now."
"Hmm, I guess you're right." When Lucille found out about the secret cabin, she had forbidden her husband from going there, and she hired Gene Parmesan to make sure he never went on any other business trips with women. George still managed to sneak around with Kitty for eight years because they had sex on the family yacht, rather than leave town.
Lindsay warned them both not to tell Michael before she surprised him with the cabin tomorrow, and they agreed.
Then George started plotting to undermine Stan Sitwell some more, and Tobias listened silently, wondering if he ought to try calling Sitwell again.
George then discussed going to Lucille's bail hearing tomorrow, to find out if she could be released to house arrest.
Lindsay didn't want to go to the hearing, and she made the excuse that she ought to go to work as usual so she could spy on Sitwell some more.
George said, "You probably want to see Ice too."
Tobias became uncomfortable, and Lindsay cleared her throat. "Don't talk about Ice." Though Tobias already gave Lindsay permission to date, she knew that he still felt jealous.
George sighed and let it go.
Soon they finished eating dinner, then watched TV while Tobias went for a jog, hoping to get in shape for those burly construction workers.
Later that night, Gob went in disguise to the hotel, carrying a large fake package. (He was going to use it later to take the video camera out of the hotel room.) Soon Gob got past all the paparazzi and into the hotel lobby.
Some security guard tried to stop him from going to the elevators, but Gob insisted that his package needed to be signed for, and that he wasn't going to hand it over to anybody else to take upstairs.
"Well, who's the recipient? I'll call their room and check that the package is expected."
"It's for Michael Bluth. Tell him it's from Derek Taylor." He pretended to read the sender on the clipboard.
"All right." The security guard called Michael's room, and Michael confirmed that he wanted the package.
So the guard waved Gob on, and Gob hurried to Michael's room.
Michael was eager to let him inside, and he put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door before shutting and locking it. Then he kissed Gob and pulled off his wig and glasses. "You look so silly in this."
Gob tossed aside the clipboard and empty box. "Time to show you my package."
They laughed and headed to bed happily. As they undressed and kicked off their shoes, Gob told Michael that he picked out the fake name Charlie Levinson for him.
Michael didn't really care and said, "Okay." Then he tried to get on top, but Gob rolled them over.
"It's my turn," he said.
"But I thought you'd let me do it even when it's not my birthday."
"Sure, but I have to bring the dong tea for that."
Michael pouted. "I don't need that."
"You haven't tried it yet, Mikey. It could be even better maybe. Let's wait until you move in to your new place. Come on, it's my turn now."
"Oh okay." Michael did enjoy the sex they had on the yacht, and when Gob showed him how to sit on him the other night. Gob was great at making love in any position. Besides, Michael wanted to make up for how he had been a jerk to Gob for so long, so he didn't mind letting Gob have his way tonight.
"Good. Come here."
They finished getting naked, and Gob lay on top of Michael, counting his freckles. Michael laughed and ran fingers through his hair. They melted together with deep kisses, gradually rubbing each other more and more. Then they got out the lube and condoms, and Gob surprised Michael by showing him a new sideways position.
"Wow." Michael was impressed and turned on. Gob knew so much about gay sex, and Michael was eager to learn.
"Mikey." Gob fucked him passionately, while Michael stroked himself.
It was hot, and he was so gay for Gob. When they finished, Gob spooned his brother cozily and he asked, "Did you mean what you said before? About being sorry for Marta?"
"Yeah," Michael said, and turned to touch Gob's scar from prison. "I'm sorry, Gob. It's just that you didn't love her, and I thought you gave me permission when I confessed at the soap opera set. Remember, I told you back then?" After the Boyfight in front of the courthouse, Marta dumped them both and afterward Michael explained the whole thing to Gob.
"I guess." Gob shrugged. He only partly remembered what happened on the soap opera set because he had been punched out by an actor. He wasn't sure he could believe Michael's version of events, but maybe he was telling the truth now, because he loved Gob.
Michael asked, "Why were you so mad at me, Gob? You didn't really love her, did you?"
"No." Gob pouted and said, "It's just, I thought you weren't ready to date yet, Michael. When Tracey died, you just kept working more at the Bluth Company and didn't take off your ring for a year. Even when you did, you said you never had time to date."
"Well, I wasn't ready," Michael said. Tracey had been a huge part of his life, and he could not get over her quickly.
"I know, but I was worried that maybe you decided to never date anybody again, after Tracey died. You were alone so long, and you told Lindsay that you weren't gonna date anybody while George Michael was in high school."
Michael remembered Lindsay teasing him for being too scared to ask out Jessie Bowers.
Gob said, "Sure, you dated that publicist Jessie, but I thought it was just for the press releases, to make the family look sympathetic. But if you really wanted Marta, then that meant you were okay with dating. I thought you'd tell me yourself, so I could help you learn how to date again. So that we could at least be friends and I could be your wingman." The dating scene had changed drastically since Michael was last single. "I thought you'd let me show you how to pick up girls, and maybe let me teach you about threesomes too. Maybe we could be together someday, if you weren't afraid."
Michael was surprised, and he realized now that Gob hadn't started coming on to him, or leaving sexually explicit messages on Michael's computer at work, until after the fight about Marta. "I didn't know. So why did you try to set me up with Nazghalia then?"
"To help you learn how to date, but not fall in love." It had been a double date with Gob's girlfriend of the moment, a high school cheerleader. "But I got jealous of you flirting with Nagarma." So Gob seduced her instead.
"I wasn't really flirting with her," Michael said. "I was just being nice, like when I used to try to cheer up Lindsay about her big nose."
"Oh." In any case, Michael soon dated the teacher Beth Baerly, and Gob had to get back at him. But he wound up sleeping with the wrong teacher. "You lied about me to George Michael, though," Gob said irritably.
"I'm sorry." He kissed him.
Gob forgave him and explained, "So later I tried to teach you how to have a one night stand at that bar." That was when Michael met Maggie Lizer, while Gob got distracted by Krindy that night.
Michael said, "Well now we're together, Gob. We got it right at last."
"Yeah. You finally love me." Gob nuzzled him and said, "Tell me I'm good,"
Michael remembered how needy Gob was before, and he reassured him, "You're so good, Gob. I love you."
Gob smiled happily and enjoyed Michael petting him a while. It helped keep away the darkness inside of him.
Michael said that he didn't ever want to be the favorite son, and Dad was a jerk for making them Boyfight. "I wish... I wish we could have been friends back then." He wished they weren't raised as brothers, and could have been truly like Ricky and Derek, only never separated.
Gob asked, "So you did kinda like me, huh?" Sometimes when Dad was out of town cheating on Mom, Michael was nice to him. Also, during lessons, Michael would hug him when they were screaming at the one-armed man. But Gob wasn't sure if that was just because Lindsay always hugged Baby Buster.
"Yeah, I did." Michael said. "It's just, you never believed me when I tried to stop fighting or make up with you. You wouldn't trust me because of Dad and you always thought I was trying to trick you."
Gob looked at his brother sadly and felt bad about their horrible childhood. He wished that they could have been friends too. He said quietly, "I'm sorry for beating you up, Mikey, and pushing you into the ocean when we went fishing. It's just, Dad never liked me unless I was fighting with you."
"I know."
"And Dad loved you. You were the good son." Pain and jealousy flashed on his face for a moment, and he looked away.
Michael made Gob face him again. "Gob, I never wanted to compete with you or hurt you."
Gob felt better. "You really mean it, Mikey?"
"Yes," Michael said, and caressed him tenderly.
They kissed some more, and Gob told him, "Egg and her religion friends would tell me all the time that I'm a no-good sinner who should repent. So did her family." They were so judgmental. But Gob thought of something and worried again, "You said I should change too because of God, remember?"
Michael felt guilty for being judgmental, especially in light of how wrong he was about Nellie the whore that night at the hotel. "I'm sorry." Why should he agree with some evangelical nuts about God, anyway? "I was so wrong." He snuggled closer. "They don't know you like I do, Gob. They don't see how good you are."
Gob grinned and liked hearing he was good. "I'm magical."
"Yes you are."
[The fake name "Charlie Levinson" is a reference to the Wes Anderson movie The Royal Tenenbaums, and specifically the character Chas Tenenbaum. In Margot Tenenbaum's thinly veiled play about her family, they have the surname Levinson. Chas Tenenbaum is the character most like Michael Bluth, because Chas is a widower who is overprotective of his sons, hates his father, and is a serious businessman. Chas is also played by Ben Stiller. (The parallels are not exact, though. It's Richie who's the favorite son, and Richie who's in love with his adopted sister.) I have not decided yet whether anyone in this story will be aware of this movie.]