Chapter 36

Each day a new gift arrives from Christian. Wednesday was a care package with all of the things I love in Seattle. He had to of talked to someone because I don't think I ever discussed this with him. I will have to get to the bottom of that one later. Thursday was red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, another favorite. What the hell? Who is the mole? Friday it was a thumb drive full of music from my Christian mix along with a few additions. Everyday had a note declaring his love and begging for forgiveness. I have to admit he was wearing my down. Five days is still not proof enough for me to drop my guard. Tonight I have plans with Kelly and Conner. We are headed to Brooklyn to a new coffee house for a reading from an up and coming author. I am grateful they are not into clubbing. I don't have the energy or the clothes for that life style. Conner and Kelly pick me up just after 8 pm. The author doesn't disappoint and Kelly sets up a meeting for Monday to try to sign him with WP. I think he would be a great addition. We decide to continue our evening at a local café over breakfast.

"Ana, do you remember my friend Jacob?" I nod. "He mentioned wanting to ask you out. I wasn't sure if you were ready yet? What do you want me to tell him?"

"Give him my number. I would love to get to know him better. I am not ready for a relationship, but I don't see how shutting myself off is beneficial."

"Okay, I'll call him tomorrow and give him your number. I really think you guys will hit it off."

I caught a cab back to the apartment. I am starting to feel more confident with my surroundings and I know I can't depend on Kelly and Conner to drive me every evening. I decide on a long bath and then head to bed. Passing the pile of gifts from Christian that I refuse to open, I feel a deep plunge of pain in my heart. I move all the items to the closet. Out of sight, out of mind, yes mind over heart in this matter. I fall into bed, but my dreams are filled with Christian. His face, his smile, his strong shoulders, the scars that dot his chest, how his hands feel on my skin; I wake up covered in sweat. He is breaking my resolve with these small gestures. All the more reason I need Jacob to call. Distraction from Grey, it has to work. RIGHT?

Saturday morning I go to Central Park for a walk. I put in my ear buds. I forgot that I never took my Christian playlist off. I decide to allow myself some time to reminisce. After an hour of smiles, tears and overwhelming grief I turn back to head home. Crossing the street I look to my left and notice a man exiting a car. Do my eyes deceive me? Christian Grey stands mere feet from me. So he has decided that waiting is not a game he can play. Just like Christian to hunt me down and push me into a decision. I head straight for him. I won't give him a chance to sneak up on me. I have to take control of this situation. His back is to me and I reach up and tap him on the shoulder. He spins around and I speak before I lose my will.

"Really you couldn't even wait a week before hunting me down like a lion stalking its prey? How dare you. You threw me out Christian. I loved you and you turned your back on me. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do, just take you back and act like none of it ever happened?" I am practically screaming at him with tears pouring down my face.

He grabs my wrists and pulls me to his chest.

She's here, talking, actually yelling, nonetheless in the flesh inches from me. I reach out grab her wrist and pull her to my chest. I am struck silent by the mere smell of her. My body immediately reacts. I squeeze her tight afraid she will flee if I release her. I lean down and whisper into her ear.

"God I have missed you Ana. I can't live without you. Please forgive me, I am a stupid arrogant jack ass and I don't deserve you. You have every right to hate me, never forgive me, but I am begging. Please Ana." I lift her head to see my face as the tears roll down my cheeks. Then I press my lips on hers softly. She pulls back.

"Christian, please! I need space to process this. You chose to listen to Charlotte and Elena. You believed that everything between us was a lie. You crushed my heart and I am not sure it can be reclaimed. I miss you every day. My heart aches for you every minute. I can't risk you turning me away again. It will kill me. So please explain to me why you came today expecting me to just fall at your feet?"

"Ana I have been here on business for a week. It just happens that my apartment is across the street from your current home. I was not here to force you into coming back to me. In fact, I love you so much I am going to walk into my building and let you escape. Please go fast before I change my mind. Know this, I will win you back. I will do it by building your trust and convincing you that I have changed. You have changed me Ana."

He releases me and I run across the street. Bursting through the door I head straight to my room and begin going through all of the gifts from Christian. Is it possible? Could he have really changed? Does he love me enough to let me go? Oh, God can I live without him? My lips quiver still full from his kiss. The tears flow freely and I don't stop them this time. I place the bracelet on my wrist and lie on the bed full of emotions.

I don't look back to see her leave. I know if I do I won't be able to walk away. The feel of her back in my arms was like holding a piece of heaven. I actually can't believe I had the will power to let her go. On the way upstairs I call Flynn. Now more than ever I need reassurance. The old Christian wants to march across the street, grab her and never let her out of my sight again. Flynn walks me through each thought and doubt. We discuss a new plan of action to win Ana's trust. John discusses options and we settle on trying to develop a normal dating relationship. I will have to trust him on this and use his guidance since I have no idea how to approach that at all. I will give her a few days to recover. Then ask her out on a casual date. I would love to go over the top on this, but Flynn assures me that Ana will probably respond better to the lifestyle she is accustomed. Ana will have to make the rules. I will give her the lead and John will help me navigate the foreign waters. This is going to be a huge challenge for me. I know Ana is worth it and I am more determined than ever to make her mine, again.

Dreaming of Christian, I can smell him, feel him and taste him. I want to stay here forever. It is so peaceful and comforting. A phone begins to ring we both look at our phones and neither is ringing. We look at each other confused as the phone continues to ring. My dream fades away and I feel empty. I realize it is actually my "real" phone ringing. I don't even look at the number afraid they may hang up.

"Hello," I answer.

"Hi is this Ana?" says a man's voice that I don't recognize.

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"Ana this is Jacob, Kelly's friend. She gave me your number. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time?"

"Not at all, how are you? Didn't we meet last week at one of the readings?"

"Yes, I was there with Conner. You might remember me talking about my band? We play small venues around NYC I think I was a little overbearing in my invitations." He laughs.

"I remember. I don't think you were over bearing at all. I would love to come see you play soon."

"Well I was actually hoping to ask you to go out with just me this time. Are you free Monday night? Weekends are hard for me since we are usually booked for gigs."

"Monday works for me. Could you pick me up from work? Is it okay if I dress casually? I didn't know what you have in mind?"

"Great. Yes, please dress casually I thought we would have a casual dinner and then I would show you around SOHO. There are a lot of little unique shops and artists hangouts. I will see you Monday say 5:30?"

"I'll be ready. See you then Jacob. Bye," I hang up.

Why do I feel like I am cheating on Christian? I have to get it through my head that I have every right to go on a date. This will be a turning point for me. It will help me move on or drive me back into Christian's arms. I will spend tomorrow trying to put all of it out of my mind. I think I will treat myself to a spa day. There is no risk at running into Elena here so I could actually relax. I call Kate and ask what spa she recommends. I have some extra money since I don't have to pay rent or gas. Kate loves trips to NYC and I know she will have the information I need. We chat for a few minutes I let her know I got asked on a date. She is thrilled and I promise to call her Monday when I get home. I leave out the Christian drama. She would just be pissed at me for letting him get to me. After I hang up with Kate I call the spa and make an appointment for the works at 10 am on Sunday. God I need a ME day.