Okay, so like I said, sometimes it doesn't work out like it should. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue. This one was just pushing too long.
See you on the other side…
The drive to the graves is a quiet one as I stare out the window, my fingers knotting in my lap.
When we arrive I see Emmett and Rose with Billy, Sue and Seth. They turn our way as we drive closer.
I'm wearing my Billabong sweatpants that Leah bought me shortly before the accident along with the Maui tank top Jake bought me the same day. I'm barefoot, like we always used to be.
Sue embraces me when I reach her.
"Welcome home," she whispers at my ear.
"Thank you," I whisper, holding back tears. Sue has been a mother figure to me for so long and I feel horrible not visiting. I hope after this it will be easier.
Seth comes walking up and I playfully punch him on the arm.
"Thanks for sticking up for me Kid," I smile.
He shrugs, embarrassed. "It was nothing," he smiles back. "Jake would have kicked my ass any other way."
I bend down and hug Billy long and hard before I turn back to Edward. He's standing with the surfboards I brought with me.
I take them from him, walking over to the graves. Emmett takes Jake's board from me and I let him, knowing this must be a sort of a closure for him as well.
We lean the boards against the gravestones and he steps back. Everyone is behind me, I can feel them. But most of all I can feel Edward, his eyes on me, his worry and his concern…but most of all, I feel his love.
I go on my knees between the graves.
"Hi guys. So…I don't know…I have so much to tell you. I miss you guys so much."
I'm battling to breath past the crushing ache in my chest.
"I brought your boards for you. I think they should be with you. That way you can always remember the good times."
I turn slightly towards Jake's grave, my hand finding purchase on the cold marble gravestone, my fingers gripping tightly.
"You asked me…you asked me when I was going to admit that I loved you too," I whisper, no longer trying to hold back the tears but letting them flow freely.
"My answer would have been yes Jake. That I loved you too, with all my heart. That I still love you and always will. Before the accident, I saw it all with you…settling down, getting married, having children, growing old. There's no one out there who I wanted more than I wanted you."
The sobs rip through my chest and I feel my brother's hand on my shoulder but I ignore him and after a few seconds his touch is gone.
"I didn't want to live anymore. Not without you or Leah. I couldn't go through every day anymore without you. But…a miracle jumped over my wall Jake. He saved me. He's taken all my pain and guilt and made it his own. Oh Jake, you would have loved Edward. You would have loved his family too. I know this because I know you. He's given me a reason to breathe again Jake. I'm sorry I…"
I'm crying so much I can't talk anymore. I'm vaguely aware of a body kneeling in front of me and warm, strong arms wrap around me. I'm pulled against a big chest I am very familiar with, one I never thought I'd feel again. My arms circle around him, crushing him to me, feeling his tears run down my shoulder. We sit like that for a long time.
He straightens eventually and I smile a small smile his way as he cups my face, his thumbs wiping at the tears that won't stop.
"I hurt you. I'm so sorry Bella," his voice pleads. "I'm so sorry for being blinded by my pain, by being selfish and self-centered."
I bring my hand up and wipe the tears from Sam's face.
"It's okay Sam. I was blinded too. We just dealt with it differently, that's all. I've spent a lot of time hoping that I would get you back some day. We've already lost Jake and Leah. We need each other…now more than ever."
He nods and pulls me back against him and I melt into him, into that woodsy smell that reminds me of Jake.
"He loved you so much," he says as he gets up and pulls me up with him. "You were his beginning and end Bella. He wouldn't want you to waste a single moment not being loved by someone that treats you as good as he did."
"I know," I nod. "It took a long time for me to see that, but I know that now. Edward…Jake would have loved him Sam. And if you give him a chance, you'll love him too. I know you will."
I look over to Edward and I'm surprised that there is not a look of murder on his face, but one of acceptance and as ever, love for me.
"Edward, this is Sam," I say, knowing that they have first-hand experience with each other but feeling a proper introduction is needed.
Edward steps forward and they shake hands.
"Listen," Sam starts. "I'm sorry…"
Edward shakes his head and puts his hand on Sam's shoulder.
"You've made peace with Bella. That's all that is important. The rest…well, I have a feeling we'll be laughing about that in years to come."
I gaze at Edward. How did I get so lucky? How on earth did God think me worthy enough of this man's love?
Sam nods and turns back to the graves. I stand beside him, holding onto his arm.
"You know Jake, I only have one thing to say to you," he says, smiling. "I hope that wherever you are, you're riding the biggest most kick ass wave ever."
I peek up at Sam and the smile that he has on his face and then I can't hold it back any longer. I burst out laughing. That is such a Sam thing to say and wherever Jake is now, he's laughing his ass off.
I can hear Emmett laughing and when I look over at him I see the whole pack has showed up, Embry…Paul…all of them. Right here, with us, like it should be.
"So, I'm guessing that the food Sue's been slaving over all morning isn't going to waste?" Billy says, smiling our way.
A chorus of hell no's are heard all around and before I can make my way over to Edward I'm lifted over Sam's shoulder and carried like a caveman towards Sue's house. This is so Sam…and so Jake…and I let him be.
We spend an evening on the patio under the stars remembering our friends. Telling stories and laughing…and sometimes crying. It's what my soul needed. I've finally put them to rest.
"The weather's perfect for a night run," Sam muses as we get up to leave.
I'm sure my face lights up like a Christmas tree as I look over to Edward.
"Go for it," he says encouragingly and I hug him before turning on Sam.
"I'll have to swing by the house, I have no wetsuit or board with me," I say as I watch Paul jump up and down in anticipation.
"You're forgetting whose house you're at," Sue says as she gets up and disappears inside. She emerges a short while later with a big fluffy towel and Leah's wetsuit.
"You're sure?" I ask Sue as I tentatively take it from her.
"There's no place else that belongs than with you Bella," she says softly.
Seth comes running from the graves with Leah's board under his arm and hands it to me.
"Come on Bella. Take her for one last ride," he says, his eyes shining with unshed tears.
I look at each one of them, from my brother to Rose, from Billy to Sue, to each and every pack member, my eyes stopping by Sam.
"You know," I say as I hold onto Leah's things so tight my fingers ache from the effort. "A while ago I wouldn't have thought myself worthy of this. But now I know better…we're family. There's no other place on earth that will ever feel more like home than right here with you."
Sam pulls me in for a hug and before I know it we're crowded by the rest of the guys as we hold onto each other for a few seconds.
Seth pulls away first.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Stalling Bella?"
I grin a cheeky grin his way and Sam laughs loudly.
"Now you've gone and sent a dare her way little man. You're so in for it now."
"You wanna play with the big boys Seth? Think you can keep up with your sisters' crew?" I ask as I hook my arm into his, making our way to Sam's jeep.
"I hope so," he says, nervous suddenly and I peck a kiss on his cheek.
"Don't worry, we'll go easy on you."
"Take care of him Bella!" Sue shouts after us and it astounds me after what has happened that she entrusts another one of her children to me.
"Always Sue!" I shout back.
"We'll see you down there!" Emmett shouts as they make their way with Edward to the vehicles. "Cold Corona's around?"
"Damn straight Brother Bear!" I shout back just as Sam takes off.
With the darkness around us we make our way to the beach, everyone chattering wildly and excitedly around me.
This is a perfect ending to this perfect night…the perfect goodbye to the perfect people we have lost.