Chapter Thirty Three

Amber

Mara was a complete wreck. I sat with her in the back seat, watching her out of the corner of my eye as she stared out the window at the passing scenery. Despite my best efforts, Hex had ended up behind the wheel. At least focusing on getting Mara to relax slightly distracted me from his driving.

'Hey,' I said softly. She looked my way briefly, gave a tight smile, then faced the window again. 'Mara. You alright?'

'Do you know what really sucks about this whole situation?' she said, bitter, angry. 'We don't even know where to start. I mean, they could be anywhere, with anyone... It's like searching for a bloody needle in a fucking haystack.'

In the rear view mirror I saw Hex's eyebrows rise.

'I know,' I said softly. 'But we're doing everything we can, right?'

'It's not enough though. It's never enough.'

She faced the window again, stubbornly shutting me out. I sighed and gave up; I understood her frustration, though. We'd already thoroughly searched Neil, Paulo and Alex's flats, finding nothing but destruction and little to go on. By now Mara was completely and totally fed up with everything that had happened. Once again, I didn't blame her, but I wanted her to understand that taking it out on us wasn't going to help.

I reached across the seat and put my hand on her arm. 'I know you're scared, upset, worried... I am too.' I glanced at the front seat and then back to her. 'And Hex is. We'd be crazy not to be. A lot's at stake here, we're completely out of our depth and, yes-' I grinned as she looked at me '-it's like looking for a needle in a fucking haystack.'

Mara gave a little laugh, sniffing. She'd been crying; I noticed the drying trails of tears on her cheeks, the slight redness of her eyes.

'But if we don't work together, if we don't stay strong and focused, then we have no chance.'

There was a pause.

'Okay.' Mara sniffed again. 'You've brainwashed me. I was being an idiot. I'm sorry.' She tried to look stern. 'Stiff upper lip, chaps,' she added, over exaggerating her accent and drawing her eyebrows together in a determined frown; I laughed. 'Carry on.'

Hex snorted. 'Aren't you two meant to be distraught?'

I let go of Mara's arm and hit the back of Hex's head. 'Shut it, Giles. Keep driving.'

'Yes, ma'am.' He snapped a salute, the car swerving.

'And keep both hands on the wheel.'

'Yes, ma'am.' There was a snigger; my eyes narrowed. I looked up at the rear view mirror again, just in time to catch his eye roll. Another hit to the back of the head. Unfortunately, Mara intervened before I could relieve him of any more brain cells.

'Okay, lovebirds. I'm all cheered up now.' She still looked worried, but I imagine that Hex and I both wore similar expressions. 'You can start taking it seriously again. We've still got Li's flat to look at.'

'Indeed we do,' I agreed, but I was reluctant to let go of the joking; it was making the tension retreat a bit, for me at least. I gave Hex one final tap on the head. 'Drive, Giles.'

Hex parked in the designated visitor's car park at the unit complex. Mara tumbled out of the car before it had even fully stopped.

'I'll head on up,' she said, already setting off for Li's flat.

I got out of the car more slowly, Hex watching me closely.

'What?' I said, annoyed.

He held up his hands defensively. 'Nothing. You coming?'

'In a minute.'

He stopped, halfway to the stairs.

'Go on.' I waved him away impatiently. 'I'll catch up.'

After staring at me curiously for an extra second or two, Hex shrugged and left, calling, 'Hurry up,' over his shoulder. I waited until he'd disappeared up the stairs and around the corner of the first landing before turning around and heading in the opposite direction. Something felt wrong. Weird. Out of place.

After a quick scout of the parking spaces, both the visitor and tenant ones, I made my way back to the car, intending to head up to Li's flat. I wasn't feeling hopeful, knowing deep down that all we'd find would be what we'd discovered in the others' flats: a monumental mess and nothing to help us unravel the mystery.

I climbed the stairs, pausing at the top. Li's flat was down the corridor straight ahead; I started down that way, but stopped again, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, my heart rate accelerating. Someone was behind me. Slowly, nervously, I turned around and-

'Jasper!' I gasped, heart racing.

'Sorry,' he said quickly. 'Didn't mean to scare you.'

As my heart rate slowed to normal I moved forward, pushing him in front of me, away from the direction of Li's flat; my friends didn't need to know he was here. 'Scare me?' I hissed. 'You nearly gave me a heart attack. What're you doing here, anyway?'

'Um... I- er- I need to talk to you.'

His tone didn't boost my confidence and I slowed, staring at him with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity.

'What about exactly?'

'Um...' Jasper bit his lip. 'It's a- Um...'

'Jasper?' I reached out and, hesitantly, took hold of his arm. 'Are you okay?'

He looked down at my hand and then back at me. 'Your friend came to see me the other day.'

'Which one?' Before he could answer, it dawned. 'Alex. Right.'

'Yeah.'

'What'd he want?'

'To talk, believe it or not,' he said with a tiny laugh. 'Well, after a slight... fight.' He half winced, his hand brushing a bruise forming along his jaw.

I nodded slowly, confused as to where the conversation was headed.

'He told me I needed to face up to what I did- to your boss. He said I needed to go back to jail when this is all over. I agreed.' He stared at me, pure terror written all over his face. 'But I can't, Annie. I just can't. I've double crossed some of the most powerful drug and weapon dealers in Europe; I've been on the verge of dying at the hands of ruthless dealers so many times I've lost count; I've killed people in cold blood; I've watched friends, family, die... But I can't go back to prison. I can't face that.'

'Jasper,' I said softly, 'a couple of those things are the very reasons why you were sentenced, why you have to hand yourself in. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you, but it's your own fault. You made the decisions, now you have to deal with the consequences.' I let go of his arm. 'I need to get going.'

As I turned and started walking back down the balcony, Jasper grabbed my arm.

'There's something else,' he said urgently. 'I have another theory.'

'Oh great,' I muttered. 'Something for me to look into during my spare time.'

'I can't tell you what it is.'

'What?' I asked, confused. 'Why- If you can't tell me, why bother mentioning it?'

'Because I think it may concern you.'

'Jasper-'

He cut me off with a quick, 'I haven't got any evidence, nothing more concrete than a cryptic sentence I wasn't even supposed to hear.' He stared at me, begging almost. 'Look, Annie, I just- I don't want to see you get hurt.'

I almost blurted out, 'So trying to have me drowned in the Thames and nearly pushing me off a twenty story balcony wasn't trying to hurt me?' but managed to keep my mouth shut.

'Do you trust me?'

Caught off guard by the question, all I could manage was a startled, 'What?'

'Do you trust me?' he repeated.

I actually had to think- really think- before answering. 'I did. Once. Then you sort of...'

'Wrecked everything. Yeah. I know.'

I shook my head without really being aware of what I was doing. 'No, no. Well, partly, yes. But it's more than that, Jasper. It's... It's everything. It's what happened. It's what nearly happened. It's the circumstances in which we met. It's who we both are- I mean, I'm with MI5 and you're...' I trailed off, feeling awkward, wanting to come up with another excuse, something general that could apply to anyone, not just him. 'Besides, I don't trust people that easily anyway.'

'But you said you used to trust me.'

'Yeah. I did. And- Please don't take offence to this, but I honestly think that was one of the worst mistakes I've made in my life. I'd prepared so much for a mission where the targets would be evil, people I could barely stand, who I'd be so happy to see put away for ever. That's how it started off. Then... Then I got to know you- and Georgia, Roxy and... I stopped seeing you as a target and just as a friend who'd gotten into some bad business.' I let out a shaky breath and stared at the ground. 'Do you know that one of the most terrifying times in my life was when I was told that the mission was being folded, that you were going to be brought in. I- I actually considered letting you know, telling you what was going to happen and making sure you could get away. Mustn't have been too good at hiding it because- You remember at the industrial lot? I got that phone call; it was one of my friends, asking me where I was.'

'Yeah, I do remember. You said you were having a few days off.'

I nodded. 'She knew I was lying, but she didn't think I was in danger. She thought I was going to skip the country with you.'

There was a tense silence, broken only when Jasper said quietly, 'Kind of wish we had of.' He looked up at me. 'You need to get out of here, out of London, out of England- out of Europe would be even better.'

'Why?'

'My theory.' Jasper gave a tiny smile. 'I know I don't deserve it, but do you think you could trust me again? Even just a little bit?'

'I don't know. Believe me, I really do want to. But I don't know if I can. As much as I wish I could, you can't change the past.'

'Can change the future, though, right?'

I started to get a bad, bad feeling about where the conversation was headed. With a quick, mumbled goodbye I turned on my heel, ready to walk away and avoid what I knew was coming. Once again, Jasper grabbed my arm.

'Come with me.'

'I can't.'

'Sure you can. It'll be safer- for both of us.'

'I- What I mean is, I don't want to. It's nothing personal, Jasper, I swear, but for one thing you're not even one hundred per cent sure of this second theory, are you?' And you're meant to be in a high security prison.

Jasper didn't answer.

'And even if you are, I'm not going to run away, leave everything behind. I can't do that- and I don't just mean legally.'

He shrugged and smiled tightly again. 'Suppose you're right. You've still got everything, haven't you? Your job, boyfriend, place to live, friends... Freedom. I shouldn't drag you into my mess.' He didn't sound jealous, just sad. There was an uncomfortable pause before he continued: 'Just, um, hypothetically, if you didn't have to leave everything, if the circumstances were different, would you have come?'

Yet another painful pause.

'I'm not sure,' I finally said, and then hurried to shove the conversation in another direction. 'And you know that you can't leave, don't you. You do have to face this, Jasper. Alex is one hundred per cent right: you need to hand yourself in. I do promise you, though, that you don't have to do this alone anymore, okay? I'll come visit.' It briefly crossed my mind that maybe, after everything had been wrapped up, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him, but I quickly banished that thought. And I was going back to Boston shortly after everything had died down, after everything was back to normal- I didn't consider that things might never be "back to normal" again; it wasn't an option the way I saw things- but I left that part out too.

'Really?'

I nodded. 'Of course. And don't worry, I won't bring Hex.'

Jasper shrugged. 'He's not that bad.' He smiled genuinely for the first time. 'A little scary to be around, slightly overprotective of you and I'm starting to wish I had a second pair of eyes in the back of my head, just in case he tries to sneak up on me, but I can understand his reasons.' He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. 'Oh, and, just for the record, I'm glad you didn't warn me about my impending arrest. Like I said, I don't want you caught up in this. And... I'm sorry- for everything.'

He hurried down the walkway and I turned, headed back towards Li's flat, feeling incredibly sombre. As soon as I opened the door, Mara's head snaked out from the end of the hallway. Her face fell.

'Just Amber,' she called over her shoulder, presumably to Hex.

'So no sign of Li?' I asked sadly, making my way down to her.

She shook her head. 'Where the hell are they? First Paulo, then Alex, Neil-' her voice broke '-and now Li. They've been kidnapped, haven't they?' The thought had been in the back of all of our minds, but we'd pushed it away, had never actually said those exact words out loud. Now, though... We couldn't exactly ignore the possibility anymore. The reality. 'Well, we already know Paulo has- that's a given. But...' She sighed and planted her elbow on the back of the couch, resting her head against her palm.

I put an arm around her shoulder. 'Maybe there's a perfectly logical explanation for this.'

'Like what?'

Hex bustled into the room, caught sight of me and frowned. 'Where did you get to?'

'Just having a look around outside. You know... Checking.'

'Right...' He gave me a funny look and then flicked a small white piece of card at me.

'What's this?' I read the card. 'HPW Indust- That's Hart's business. Where did you find this?'

'In the kitchen.'

Mara took the card off me. 'So what's it doing here?' Her jaw set and an angry, determined glint in her eyes, Mara looked from me to Hex and back at the card again. 'They've got them. At this office block. They must have dropped a card.'

'Oh great,' Hex groaned, rubbing his forehead. 'Just one quick question: what's the chance that they "accidentally" dropped this card onto the kitchen bench, propped up against a bag of apples?'

'So they put it there deliberately?' I asked him. He nodded as Mara handed the card back to him.

'It's got to be a trap,' she said.

'Yeah,' Hex murmured. 'But who for? Something about this... It doesn't feel right.'

I scoffed. 'You're so perceptive. When has this ever felt right?'

'Point. So what do we do? Walk in there? It'd be good if we knew why they kidnapped Neil, Li and Alex.'

'Don't forget Paulo,' Mara reminded him.

'And Paulo- but that was probably just over the undercover thing.' Hex frowned and then looked pained. 'We'll have to go in, take a look around. Undercover. I'm sure I can rustle up a couple of those worker jumpsuit things.'

'Two of us should go in,' Mara said. 'Amber and I.'

'Hang on, let's just think this-'

'No, Hex,' she insisted. 'It's perfect. Amber and I can go in, have a look around- no one there will recognise us. You'll have to help us bypass security. Can you tap into whatever controls the doors, cameras, stuff like that?'

Hex paused for a second and then, slowly, nodded his head, still frowning. 'As plans go, this one stinks.'

'It's the only one we've got,' I said, shrugging. 'What else are we meant to do- just sit back and do nothing?'