When Was The Last Time You?
Chapter Thirty Six: When Was The Last Time You Whispered?
A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell
"Goodness speaks in a whisper, evil shouts."
Whispers followed me about the castle, particularly when Draco was with me. The students who knew that it was we who had removed Neville, Luna and Collin from the dungeons did not speak of this, it were the one's who were gossiping and guessing that whispered as we passed. There were whispers among the students, that we were the one's to see if you sought refuge from the Carrows, yet I was unsure of how to handle this. I could not be seen allowing students to simply waltz into the Room of Requirement because they deemed that they needed to. I could only offer it to those who needed it most desperately. With the holidays a month away I hoped that the students who had already bravely requested my help could wait. Perhaps after spending the holidays with their families, perhaps they might not be so desperate. Perhaps the whispering that followed my every move would cease and I could think freely and without guilt.
I had been spending a large amount of time within the Room of Requirement, Neville, Luna, Ginny and Draco were all permanent residents of the room, particularly after their escape which I aided they had to tread particularly careful when in the presence of the Carrows who were searching for any excuse to hang them by the wrists in the dungeons again. Luckily they had not been punished too severely following their escape; Snape had spoken to each of them and given them a detention in the forest with Hagrid. I was shocked at his leniency; I had at least expected them being handed over willingly as demonstrations. Yet for once Snape had showed something beyond his cruel prejudice against the Gryffindor's and let them off relatively lightly. A shock to all involved I can assure you! It was perhaps more of a shock to me when I realised he knew I was involved in the escape.
I was unsure of how he could be certain yet there was no doubting it as I sat opposite him in his large spacious office. I could see it in his dark eyes. He placed his hands folded upon the desk as though pondering something deeply. Sadly his attempts to intimidate me were falling quite short, I had faced the glare of Dolores Umbridge, it took a great deal more to frighten me these days. He breathed in deeply as though considering carefully what it was he was planning to say. I straightened myself carefully in my seat beginning to feel slightly nervous, the sudden realisation that there was no possible way he could know that it was me who had rescued Neville, Luna and Collin from the dungeons doing nothing to help ease the uncertainty I felt. But I remembered there was every possibility that my scrawling upon the wall had left a trace to me, perhaps he could tell it was my handwriting, perhaps I had left something behind. I finished my goblet of water and placed it front of me.
"I have been carefully considering what form of disciplinary action to take against you Miss. Granger." He said darkly. "It has come to my attention that perhaps you played some role in the freeing of Mr Longbottom, Creevey and Miss Lovegood. However admirable and courageous your actions were they were still wrong and you must be punished accordingly for these. Perhaps being one of Potter's friends has given you a false sense of the rules."
"I was asleep during the entire thing; anyone in my dormitory can vouch for me Sir." I replied carefully.
"Unfortunately there is no-one to vouch for you Miss Granger, I have already checked, both Miss. Patil and Miss. Brown were absent from the dormitory at the time, and it would be merely your word against the evidence."
"What evidence Sir?" I asked.
"Let me begin with the mysterious message upon the wall, wandless and in the condition they would have been in after spending the night chained to a wall I wouldn't imagine any of the three capable of performing wandless magic, let alone carving a message into solid stone. What do you take me for a fool?"
I sat there bearing no emotion, that would have been foolish to do in the current situation. "No, Sir. In fact quite the contrary."
His lip curled unpleasantly as though I had managed to get on his nerves. I could remember clearly the way in which his lip would curl during class if you managed to find yourself the victim of his temper.
"Evidently you are smart, especially if you managed to outwit the greatest wizard of the age, gaining his trust enough to be within his most trusted of friends and advisors." I added, emphasising the word 'friends' attempting to see whether it would hit a nerve. I was unsure whether one would call them friends however I assumed it was so.
"Do not speak of that which you don't understand and shall never even begin to comprehend!" He retorted angrily.
I smiled to myself; I had managed to hit a nerve. "What do you intend to do Sir?" I asked, "Because personally this charming little conversation could continue all day, but I have classes to attend and other matters of importance to attend to. I am sure also that Draco is awaiting my return to lunch." I added on the end.
"You do nothing to deserve one of such pure blood. His love is merely a game to you, a means to achieving your ends." He said.
"What would that end be? Because the last time I checked, the end looked pretty bleak for me, in fact it was so bleak it didn't even exist. How could I use him to achieve and end that doesn't exist?" I asked.
"You play a clever game Miss. Granger, perhaps you are more intelligent than I give you credit for." He said warily.
"Is there some problem you have with me being at the school? Because the last time I checked I called this place home and so do you. Would you want to be forced from your home simply because of your blood status, would you want to lose everything you have left because you refused to reveal where you best friends, the last hope any of us have are hiding? Because to me, it would seem as though I am the one who is being used. I am here because I have no other options, I wouldn't alive if I was out there and trust me, sometimes I wish I was. I am here as the result of my best friends choices." I said breathing in before considering continuing.
"I am here because this is what they wanted for me despite it going against everything I wanted. Tell me if that's fair because I certainly don't see it. I know what it's like to be used; I'm being kept here so perhaps they will never find my blood on their hands. I'm here to learn more so that when I get out there I can use it against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I'm being trained as a weapon. So don't you ever imply that I would use Draco, because the truth is, knowing what it feels like, I don't want to force it upon another." I spat, grasping my mouth suddenly realising what I had said, they were my deepest, thoughts, the ones that remained locked away at all costs.
I grabbed the goblet in front of me and smelt it carefully. Veritaserum. Snape smiled, "But perhaps not intelligent enough."
"I can't believe I forgot to check." I replied the words 'Constant Vigilance' coming to mind suddenly, the truth continued to spill from my lips uncontrollably. "I should have suspected you would be capable of spiking my drink with such a potion. It is something only one like you, a traitor would do. We trusted you, we trusted you with everything and that is how you repaid us. I was trying to convince Harry that you had changed, he refused to believe me and now I wish I hadn't even tried."
"Where are Harry and Ron?" He asked carefully.
"I don't know, they were at Number Twelve Grimmuld Place until after the hearing, they moved after that. I don't know where they are." I replied.
"Are they in correspondence with you?"
"N…N…Yes." I replied the words being forced from my lips despite my best efforts to conceal the truth. "Stop this please. You don't need to know any of this, it's not vital. I don't care if your master wants this information. I don't want you having so stop before I do something I'll regret. Please?" I whispered the begging and pleading clear within my voice.
"One last question; did you or did you not aid the escape of those trapped in the dungeon?"
"We both know the answer to that. Yes. Yes I did and I would do it again if it meant that someone would be saved from that terrible and medieval punishment. No-one deserves that." I said standing and walking away from the desk.
"What do you want from Draco Malfoy?" He asked as I reached the door.
"Nothing except the chance to love and be loved in return." I replied.
"Do you love him?" He asked softly.
"Yes, more than anything." I said opening the door and leaving the room.
To say I was irked by his attempt to see into my mind and take such vital information so forcefully would be somewhat of an understatement. I was disgusted in myself that I could not restrain myself any better than I had. I had failed both myself and Harry and Ron. The only people who will have benefited from that conversation if it could be called as such were Snape, Draco and perhaps if ever given the information - Lord Voldemort. Perhaps now that Snape knew the truth about Draco and I, that it was not some façade, that it was a real relationship, perhaps he would not attempt to destroy it. Perhaps for once he would allow his better half to take control and do something for others for once, perhaps he could actually put others first.
I could feel the affects of the potion wearing off, I no longer felt compelled to be truthful with every question I asked myself. I still could not believe that I had allowed myself to drink something offered by the known enemy. Yet for a second I had forgotten that he was the cause of Albus Dumbledore's death. I had allowed myself to somehow forget this, and fallen deep within a trap I could not squirm my way free of. I had not known I felt used by Harry and Ron, as though I were being trained as weapon, this must have been locked away deep within my subconscious brought to light by Snape's meddling. Yet for some reason with everything he now knew he had allowed me to walk free, without punishment. This was of course odd, particularly in my eyes yet at a stage such as this in the war you took what ever freedom you could get and used it to the utmost advantage. I ran to tell Draco what had happened, he of course knew of the meeting, he also knew that I was guilty of freeing Neville, Collin and Luna. They of course had no objections to this.
Unable to find him at lunch I walked to my next class, Arithmancy without seeing him. I felt rather sad about this but it was part of the gamble of actually attending the meeting, I knew there was a chance that potentially I may have even been chained up myself therefore I would not have seen him for quite some time. I sat drawing up the complicated number chart Professor Vector had written upon the board pondering the true value of these classes in the real world. Was there a real value in all this for me? Was there a value in any of my education in a world so war torn, a world that desired nothing more than my capture? I enjoyed the rush that this information gave me as I absorbed it, but it was nothing more, there was no value. What good could Harry and Ron take from it? I decided now was the time, that if I was going to do anything to rebel against authority and the punishments that had become almost normal here now was the time.
At the completion of my last three classes: Arithmancy, Muggle Studies and Transfiguration I moved as quickly as I could to the Room of Requirement where I ran into Neville lingering just meters away from the entrance, waiting for the corridor to clear of students before disappearing from sight. I stood beside Neville waiting for the corridor to clear.
"You better get your coin out Neville, we're having going to have a meeting." I whispered to him, a fire igniting someplace deep within his eyes, almost as though at last the moment had arrived, the war had truly begun.
Dedicated To: My Mother, who feeds my love of literature with trips to the bookstore.
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Author's Note: Four down, three to go. Yet another week almost gone, and the end seems to be drawing ever nearer. Last night when I found myself with nothing to do, I drafted up the last part of chapter one hundred. Trust me it's going to be one long chapter. But for now my focus shall remain on these chapters and the murky and troublesome waters this portion of the story is heading into. Leave a review to let me now you passed by this way, I enjoy seeing your thoughts on the story.