How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Six

Thanksgiving

Gabby shivered slightly as she stepped out of the shower and turned around so Matt could wrap the warm towel around her. She leaned back against his bare chest and briefly closed her eyes, "I wish you didn't have to work today."

"I know," Matt mumbled, burying his head in the crook of Gabby's neck. "Trust me, on a day that's all about giving thanks…there's no place I'd rather be than with you. Honestly, before this year, it's never really bothered me to spend my holidays at the firehouse. But this year…for the first time in a long time…I find myself with a damn long list of things to be thankful for. You, Eli, Gus and…." His hands moved from her sides to her stomach, "this baby." He chuckled, "if someone would've told me last year what my life would be like in exactly a year…never would I have believed it."

Gabby smiled and dropped her gaze to Matt's hands, "It's crazy, right? I mean, God knows these past couple of years have been one long ass roller coaster…I kind of feel like things are starting to level out for me and a lot of that has to do with you."

Matt planted several kisses along Gabby's bare neck before standing up straight and spinning her around in his arms so they were facing each other. "You know…you say it like that and I just might be inclined to think that you're thankful for me," he teased.

"I'm very thankful for you." She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. "More than you'll ever know."

"I don't know…you did a good job of showing me just a couple of minutes ago." Gabby felt her cheeks go red and ducked her head in embarrassment but Matt wasn't having it. "Oh come on, don't get all shy on me now," he quipped. Placing a finger under her chin, he brought her head back up so she was looking at him again. "I thoroughly enjoyed your decision to join me in the shower."

"I thought you might." She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers, their lips nearly touching. "It's just one of the many ways I plan on showing you how thankful I am," she whispered.

Matt placed a quick kiss on Gabby's lips and then again on her nose before putting some distance between the two of them. If they kept going he would most definitely be late for work and he always, always prided himself on getting to work on time. "If we keep this up I'll be late to work."

"I know, I know."

Matt couldn't help but smile as Gabby's own smile turned into a pout. She'd been more affectionate than usual the past couple of days and he wasn't sure if it was her hormones or what. After putting the boys to bed last night, instead of cuddling on the couch and watching a movie like she'd talked about; Gabby had led Matt into their bedroom and practically jumped his bones.

And then this morning, as soon as his first alarm had went off, Gabby stirred awake next to him and wasted no time in picking up where they'd left off the night before. Once they were finished, she rolled off of him and cuddled back into his side, instantly falling back asleep. He took the couple of minutes before his next alarm went off and just enjoyed having Gabby in his arms. He'd eventually convinced himself to climb out of bed and head across the hall to take a shower where after a couple of minutes he was being joined by Gabby.

Heading towards his locker, Severide smirked as he passed by Matt; he knew that look on Matt's face all too well. "Dude, you totally got laid this morning."

Matt's eyes widened and he glanced around the locker room, checking to make sure they were alone before turning his attention back to his best friend. He was never really one to brag about such private matters but over the past couple of weeks, Gabby's unpredictable hormones had been working in his favor. He held up two fingers, "twice," he whispered. "Once in bed and then again in the shower. And honestly, who knows how many times more if I wouldn't have had to put an end to things to get ready for shift."

Severide laughed, "dude! I've always been told that pregnant women are extra horny but I can't say I've ever experienced it firsthand."

"You mean you actually have limits? All the books say it's because she's now in her second trimester." He shrugged as he slid his bag from his shoulder and dropped it in the bottom of his locker. "The morning sickness is gone and now that she's no longer working at Lakeshore her stress has gone down tremendously…things are great right now."

"That's great dude, I'm really happy for you." He chuckled, "you and Dawson are absolutely perfect for each other. You guys really balance each other out."

Matt raised a brow, "we balance each other out? Ok, what self-help book have you been reading?"

Severide rolled his eyes, "no. April had this talk show on the other day and…" he trailed off once he saw the look of complete amusement on Matt's face. "Oh fuck off!"

"Hey, I think it's great that you're really trying to take an interest in things that April likes. That means you're serious." He chuckled, "and dude, it's about damn time. I was having a hard time of keeping track of names and faces. At one point, Shay and I had joked about making a deck of cards."

Shay came strolling into the locker room, hands in her pockets and a look of suspicion on her face, "ok, heard my name. Someone explain."

"Paranoid, much?" Severide joked.

Matt laughed, "I was congratulating Severide on actually being in a relationship. I told him about our plan to create a deck of cards."

"Ha!" Shay grinned as she opened her locker, "it was definitely a great idea."

"You got it?" Gabby asked as she walked closely behind Eli with Gus in her arms while they walked up the path towards her parents' front door. With Gus filling up her arms, Eli had begged her to let him carry in the chocolate chip pie they'd made last night.

"Yes, mama. I got it," Eli insisted. The tip of his tongue poked out between his teeth as he walked in deep concentration.

"Ok, ok…" they reached the front door and Gabby opened the door, stepping aside to let Eli in before her.

"There you guys are!" Marie rushed into the foyer and eagerly took Gus from his mother's arms, kissing his chubby cheek affectionately. "Hello, sweet pea!" Gus grinned and reached for his grandmother's nose. "Oh, did you miss me too?" She settled Gus on her hip and looked down at Eli, "and you brought pie!"

Eli grinned, "I made it all by myself!"

"All by yourself, huh?"

"Well, mama helped me find the ingredients but I mixed it up."

"Well I can't wait to try a piece."

"It's super yummy. I made another one to take to the firehouse today. Hey guess what, Abuela?"

"What, dear?"

"Mama, Matt, Gus and me are gonna go shopping for a new house!"

Marie shifted her surprised gaze over to her daughter, "is that so?" Gus reached out for his mom and Marie handed him back off to her daughter, her gaze not wavering.

Oblivious to the look his mother and grandmother were sharing, Eli continued on. "Yep! Mama says I can have my own bedroom and Matt says he'll help me build a tree house!"

"Well that sounds very exciting, darling." She reached down and held her hands out for the pie, "here, why don't I take this into the kitchen for you and you head into the living-room where your cousins are."

Eli handed the pie off to his grandmother, "don't forget to put it in the refrigerator."

"Oh, I won't." Marie waited until Eli was out of sight before narrowing her eyes, "when did you guys decide on this new…venture?" Not waiting for an answer, she headed for the kitchen knowing Gabby would follow her.

Gabby sighed and did just as her mother knew she would; she followed her into the kitchen. "A couple of weeks ago. We've looked at a couple of places online but yesterday Matt and I went to the bank to see what kind of loan we can qualify for."

Just as she had promised, Marie placed the pie in the refrigerator. "So you two are having baby together…buying a house together…" Marie shrugged, "it just seems like something is missing, don't you think?"

"And there it is," Gabby muttered.

"There's what?" Marie challenged. "Is it so wrong for a mother to want to see her daughter get married?"

"No but…" Gabby sighed. "There's just so much going on right now that I don't think it's the right time."

"But you do plan on marrying Matt, right?"

"One day….sure. Just not right now."

"Hmm…I see."

Gabby huffed and readjusted Gus on her hip as he attempted to squirm out of her grasp, "I know you're disappointed in me but-"

"I am most certainly not disappointed in you, Gabriela," Marie interjected, clearly upset that her daughter would even think such a thing. "I want you to understand that while I have not always approved of your choices and behavior, I have never considered you to be a disappointment. Ok?"

Taken aback by her mother's words, all Gabby could do was nod.

"Good. Now, then…just promise me that when you and Matt do get married, you at least keep me in the loop with all the planning. Your father and I have money set aside for things like this-"

"You and dad have money set aside for my wedding? Seriously?"

"Well yes, we had money set aside for Antonio's wedding, too. Tradition may say it's the bride's parents' responsibility but a traditional Catholic wedding is not cheap." Gabby looked away instantly and Marie propped her hands on her hips, "please tell me you do plan on having a traditional Catholic wedding?"

Gabby shrugged, "I don't know..."

"Well..." Marie shook her head, "we'll definitely pick this conversation up another time."

Thankfully—and surprisingly—it had been a quiet evening at the firehouse, giving the men and women of Fifty-One a chance to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with their extended families. By the time dinner had been cleaned up and leftovers had been packed, sorted and handed out it was well past nine. With Matt's help, Gabby bundled up two very sleepy and slightly grumpy boys.

"I feel like we've done this before," Matt joked as he carried Eli in his arms and walked side by side with Gabby out towards her car.

Gabby grinned as she nodded her head, "now that you mention it, it does feel a bit like déjà vu, doesn't it?" She adjusted Gus on her hip, Gabby pulled her keys from her pocket and pressed the button to unlock the doors. The single beep echoed in the silence of the night but neither Gus nor Eli was even the slightest startled by it. "If I'm not mistaken…the very first night we met, you walked us out to our car."

"And then again after pizza at Shay and Severide's."

"You know that was totally a setup, right?" Gabby asked.

"I had an inkling that something like that was going on," Matt said as he opened one of the doors to the back of the car. He hunched down so he could settle Eli into his booster seat without waking him. He fastened the seatbelt across Eli and quietly shut the door. He took Gus from Gabby's arms and walked around to the other side of the car. "Shay's not as slick as she thinks she is when it comes to her brilliant plans."

Gabby laughed and leaned against the driver's side car door and watched as Matt gave her his signature grin before ducking down and putting Gus in his seat. Turning around, she pressed her back up against the car and slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat, waiting for Matt to come back around.

Matt walked back around the car and stopped in front of Gabby. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, pressing his forehead against hers. "I must admit, though…it kind of worked."

"Only kind of? That was…" she paused to do the quick math in her head, "not even five months ago and we're already expecting a baby and looking for a house," she quipped. "Speaking of looking for a house…Eli told my mother all about it."

His smiled slipped as he started to fear that from the lack of Gabby's enthusiasm, some tension might've resulted from Eli's announcement. "Oh? How'd she take it? I hope it didn't cause a fight or disagreement between the two of you because that's the last thing I want."

Gabby shook her head, "it didn't. It just brought up the topic of some other life events that most people usually experience before buying a house and having kids."

"What are…oh…" Matt's voice trailed as the realization hit him.

Gabby dropped Matt's gaze as soon as she knew he'd realized what she was referring to. She cleared her throat and focused her attention on the collar of his fleece CFD pullover. "If she says anything to you, don't be afraid to tell her to mind her own business."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie if she asks…it is something I've thought about." He raised a brow, "haven't you?"

Gabby shrugged, "I mean…right now we've already got a lot on our plate…I can't say it has never crossed my mind but-"

"It's not something you want right now?"

"I just don't think right now is the time. We don't need to get married just because I'm pregnant and-"

Gabby was cut off by the sound of the alarms going off signaling a call, Gabby sighed and met Matt's eyes, catching the slight look of dejection. She stood on her toes and captured her lips with his. "I love you…be careful, ok?"

Matt mumbled a quick I love you in return before dropping Gabby's hands and rushing back towards the station.

Gabby was restless.

Despite the aches in her muscles and heaviness of her eyelids, her mind would not stop running. Her conversation with Matt at the firehouse had been left unfinished and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the look in his eyes when she'd said marriage wasn't something on her mind at the moment.

It wasn't that she didn't see marriage happening for them…she just didn't see it happening anytime soon. Despite the pregnancy and their search for a new house…their relationship wasn't even six months old. It wasn't that she didn't trust Matt or her relationship with him because she definitely did; learning to trust again was one hurdle she'd worked to overcome since meeting Matt.

No, trust wasn't the issue.

She just didn't think now was the time to even consider planning a wedding.

Making up her mind, she swung her arm out and blindly felt around for her phone before wrapping her hand around it and bringing it just inches from her face. Her thumb danced along the screen as she put in her code and swiped to her previous calls; finding Matt's name instantly.

Glancing around the empty common room, Severide opened the refrigerator and pulled out one of the pies Gabby had brought over. This specific pie only had two slices left; he'd just finish it off, dispose of the pan and nobody would ever have to know. He grinned excited and immediately dug in with a fork.

"Seriously, dude?"

Severide jumped and turned around at the voice of his best friend. "Dude, no need to get upset, I'll share."

Matt shook his head, "the pie is all yours…I'm pretty sure there's still at least two sitting in the refrigerator at home."

"In that case, I'll make sure to stop by tomorrow," Severide joked. Matt's phone went off and he observed his fellow lieutenant check and ignore the call before returning it to his pocket. He raised a brow, "Did you just ignore a phone call from Dawson?"

Matt sighed and slid into one of the stools at the counter, "I'm not so sure we're on the same page like I thought we were."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't think Gabby wants to get married."

Severide nearly choked on his mouthful of food. "You asked her to marry you?"

Matt shook his head, "no, I didn't. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about it…I mean, I have looked at rings…" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair anxiously. "But today…after I had her walked her and the kids out to her car, she'd mentioned her mom asking about marriage and Gabby basically said it wasn't something she wanted right now."

"If I'm honest...I'm not surprised."

"Why do you say that?"

"Dude, since you and Gabby have started dating I've seen her actually look happy. I mean, yeah, there were a few road bumps along the way—and I'm sure there will be a lot more—but just the fact that Gabby hasn't gone running in the opposite direction is basically a miracle. I'm not saying she's got commitment issues or anything but…you know…"

"Really, guys?"

Both men glanced up and met Shay's death glare. Uncrossing her arms, Shay walked up to the two of them, slid into the stool next to Matt and reached out, grabbing the fork full of pie from Severide's hand just as he was about to put it into his mouth. She popped it in her mouth, "mm…so good," she mumbled, briefly closing her eyes and enjoying the taste. She opened her eyes and continued to shift her glare between the two men. She stopped at Severide, "you're definitely not someone who should be giving out relationship advice." She turned to Matt and pointed her fork at him, "and you, next time you ignore someone's call, don't press end."

Matt's eyes widened, "I didn't! I just ignored it."

"No, you didn't…you ended the call and sent it straight to voicemail. FYI, she didn't leave a voicemail. She called me, practically in tears and asking if you were ok."

"Shit," Matt cursed. He groaned and rubbed the palms of his hands against his forehead. "I knew this was going to blow up," he mumbled.

"So this is about the marriage conversation you two had earlier?"

Matt sighed, not even caught off guard that Shay knew about the conversation, "yeah. The topic of marriage came up and I don't know…I guess we're not on the same page."

"About marriage?" Shay rolled her eyes. "Marriage might be considered the ultimate form of commitment but I'd say having a baby together and buying a house together are pretty big signs of commitment too."

"I know but-"

"No buts, Matthew Casey. If you have an issue about something you need to talk to her about it, not ignore her phone call. It's almost one in the morning and she's almost four months pregnant…her emotions have got to be out of whack."

Matt knew Shay was right, ignoring Gabby's phone call was wrong and he'd felt guilt tighten inside his stomach immediately after he'd done so. But he'd done it because he wasn't exactly sure what to say to her at the moment. He wanted marriage. He wanted marriage with her. "You're right," he whispered. "I'm going to go call her back-" he groaned as the alarms went off. "After we get back."

Gabby had eventually fallen asleep out of pure exhaustion but it was a restless sleep. She woke up every other hour checking her phone to see if Matt had called or texted before tossing it to his side of the bed and falling back asleep. By the time her first alarm went off a little after six, her head hurt, her eyes were still heavy with sleep and her body was letting her know she had not gotten nearly enough rest. Unable to fall back asleep, she shoved back the covers and climbed out of bed.

Having no intentions of leaving the house until later in the afternoon, Gabby changed into a pair of leggings and Blackhawks hoody. She ran a brush through her unruly hair before pulling it up out of her face in a messy bun and made her way into the living room. She was headed to the kitchen when there was a knock on the apartment door. She frowned and glanced at the time on her phone, only then noticing the four missed calls from her brother and three missed calls from Shay.

Her heart dropped.

Matt.

She bolted to the door, one hand finding the lock on the doorknob and the other finding the deadbolt above it, her hands moved in unison and she pulled the door open. She met her brother's concerned look and shook her head as the very worst started to play out in her mind. She shook her head and covered her mouth, attempting to mute the strangled sob that fell from her lips.

"Gabby-"

"No, don't!"

Antonio shook his head and grabbed his sister's shoulders, securing her spot in front of him. "He's fine!"

But Gabby didn't hear her brother's words as her emotions started to take over, "I can't do this without him!"

"You won't have to," Antonio insisted, trying to break through to Gabby. "Listen to me, Gabby!" He moved his hands up to her face, cupping it and gently forcing her to look directly at him. "Matt is fine!"

Gabby froze, "he's fine?"

Antonio nodded, smiling, "yes. Besides some smoke inhalation and a few stitches in his side…he's fine."

Gabby angrily shoved her brother in the stomach, "don't ever scare me like that again, Antonio!"

"Then answer your phone!" Antonio bit back. "Besides, knowing you like I do, I knew you'd still insist on heading over to Chicago Med to make sure for yourself and I figured I'd save you the hassle of having to drag the boys along with you."

He shook his head, waving his arm up and down Gabby, "and no offense, sis. But you look like shit."

When Gabby got to Chicago Med she could barely make it through the sliding double glass doors. There were so many people—fire fighters and paramedics—standing around that at first she didn't even see everyone from Fifty-One. "Shay!" She called out, hurrying over to her best friend. The dry blood on the side of her the blonde's face startled her, "oh my god! Are you ok?"

Shay nodded grimly, "it's not mine. Or Matt's," she hurried to add. Shay took a deep breath, motioning around the lobby of Chicago Med. "There was a huge warehouse fire…" she shook her head, "there were three firehouses that showed up, Fifty-One is the only one that didn't have any casualties."

"Oh my god," Gabby whispered as she once again looked around, suddenly realizing why there were so many men and women in uniform standing around. She took a closer look, every single one of them was covered in blood and soot…grim faces of mourning on their faces. As selfish as it was, she shook her head and her thoughts snapped back to Matt. "But Matt?"

"He's fine," Shay assured her. "Had a run in with a falling wall and was pierced in the side. He just needed a few stitches."

Gabby breathed a sigh of relief, "where is he? I want to see him."

"I'm headed in that direction so I'll take you to him," April said as she approached the group. "I'm on my way to check on a patient that's a few curtains down from Lieutenant Casey."

Gabby nodded, "thank you."

April shook her head and gave Gabby a reassuring smile, "it's not a problem."

Gabby followed close behind April and as soon as April motioned to the curtain that Matt was behind, Gabby rushing over to it. "Matt!" Gabby yanked back the privacy curtain just as Matt was attempting to put his shirt back on.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he insisted, seeing the tears in Gabby's eyes as she rushed over to him.

Gabby shook her head and leaned down to inspect the wound herself. Her fingers brushed along Matt's skin, careful of the redness and stitches. Once she was satisfied that whoever had stitched him up had done a decent job, she looked back up at him. She took his face in her hands, her thumbs wiping away the soot and dirt. "You're sure you're ok?" She whispered, searching his eyes for any sign of pain or discomfort.

"Yes, I promise." Slipping his arms into the sleeves of the shirt, he pulled it over his head and pushed it carefully down his torso.

"I'm so sorry," Gabby cried. She moved her hands over every inch of his face, still not completely convinced he was really ok.

"Gabby," Matt grabbed Gabby's wrists, stopping her movements. He found her eyes, "you have nothing to apologize for."

"But this afternoon-"

Matt shook his head, "no. I should be apologizing. I jumped to conclusions when you were trying to explain…and I ignored your call. I'm sorry." He sighed, "I didn't handle it very well-"

"One day….one day, I do want to marry you," Gabby interjected. She took a breath, "just not now. There's so much going on and I'm afraid if we pile too much on our plate then we won't be able to give any one thing the amount of attention it deserves. I guess…" she groaned, frustrated that she was having trouble explaining herself. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that when the time comes, I want to be able to focus on actually planning a wedding and right now I'm having a hard time focusing on everything that's going on right now. This pregnancy, I start working on Monday, Christmas is a month away and not to mention our search for the perfect home-"

"Gabby-"

Gabby shook her head, refusing to let Matt interrupt her. "I know, you said before that we don't need to be in such a rush to find house but you're right, my apartment is really, really small for the four—almost five—of us. Not to mention, Eli is insisting that we find our new house in time to spend Christmas in." She smiled shyly, "and to be honest, I would too. I think it would be a great way to spend our first Christmas together…"

Happy for the distraction, Matt grinned in amusement at Gabby's ramblings. He raised a brow once she finally took a breath, "can I say something?"

"Oh, yeah…go ahead! Sorry!"

Matt shook his head, "don't apologize." He took a breath, not really sure where to begin. His thoughts had already been all over the place before the call and now he couldn't even think straight. "Today definitely puts things in perspective. One minute my biggest fear was that we weren't on the same page and then a couple of hours later I'm surrounded by fire and a wall is caving in right in front of me…"

Gabby's heart hurt as she watched the emotions move over Matt's face. Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his fussed blond hair. "It's ok, baby," she whispered encouragingly.

"It's just a lot, you know?"

"Yeah…I do."

Matt ducked his head in shame, "we were doing one last sweep for bodies and the guys I was with…I was at the end of line…" He took a breath, "Lieutenant Ford from Firehouse 23 and Lieutenant Gomez from Firehouse 47 were in front of me when the wall came down…they were crushed, Gabby. If I'd just-"

Gabby frowned, and took Matt's face in her hands, forcing him to look up at her, "hey…don't you dare start blaming yourself. This is not your fault." He opened his mouth to protest and she shook her head, "I'm serious, Matt." She sighed and glanced around for his chart, "no concussion, right? Let's see how long until we can get you home."

Matt shook his head, "I can't go home."

"Yes you can."

Both Matt and Gabby looked over in the direction of the booming voice. Boden had slipped into the makeshift room undetected by them. Still in his gear, he had a grim look on his face. "Shift's over, Casey. Go home and be with your family."

"But Chief-"

Boden shook his head, "there's nothing more to be done, Matt. Normally I'd try to convince you to stay a bit longer for observation but I trust Gabriela will make sure you take it easy."

Gabby managed a small smile, "you know I will, Chief."

"Give those two munchkins a big hug for me, will you?"

When Matt and Gabby stepped into their apartment, both boys were running towards them. Eli went straight to Matt and was startled when Matt didn't scoop him up. He frowned, "you look sad. Are you sad?"

Matt sighed and ruffled Eli's hair, "I'm a little less sad now that I'm back home with you guys."

"Was it a bad fire?" Eli asked, following Matt back into the living room.

"Eli-" Gabby started but was cut off by Matt.

"It's fine," he insisted, meeting Gabby's eyes and giving her a small nod before easing his way onto the couch. He watched as Eli climbed up on the couch next to him, "it was a bad fire."

"Did anybody get hurt?"

"Several people did."

"Did anybody die?"

"Unfortunately, a few firefighters did."

"Oh." A look of genuine sadness fell across Eli's face as he sat and contemplated Matt's words.

Gabby, Matt and Antonio all shared looks as they allowed Eli to process what Matt had told him. Gabby chewed her bottom lip nervously as she watched Eli closely. They'd talked about death and what happens when people die but he'd thankfully never experienced it firsthand. "You ok, sweetie?"

Eli shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sad about the firefighters that died but I'm happy that Matt didn't die." He looked up at Matt, his brown eyes filling with tears, "I don't want you to die, Matt!" He jumped up and threw himself into Matt's lap, wrapping his little arms around Matt's neck and settling his face in the crook of his neck.

Was it possible for your heart to break and swell with pride at the same time?

Because Matt was sure that was exactly what was going on.

Matt kissed the top of Eli's head, "I try my hardest every day to make sure I come back home to you guys."

The day had been a solemn one. One that was spent just lounging around the apartment playing toys, watching movies and eating Thanksgiving leftovers. It didn't go unnoticed by Gabby that Eli had practically glued himself to Matt's side and taking it upon himself to make sure Matt was feeling ok.

After tucking in both boys and making sure they were asleep, Gabby made her way back out into the living-room. Matt was sitting up straight on the couch with his eyes on the television in front of him. Sports Center was on but Gabby knew he wasn't paying attention. "Matt?" she whispered, surprisingly gaining his attention on the first attempt.

He glanced over at her, "both boys asleep?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. I uh…will you be ok while I go take a quick shower?"

"I'll be fine," Matt insisted.

"Ok…" she started to turn away and head for the bathroom but reversed her direction and rushed over to Matt, stopping directly in front of him. She leaned down and captured his face with her hands, ignoring the confused look on his face she pressed her lips to his. "I'm so happy you're ok. I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you too," Matt murmured. He discarded the remote on the couch and brought his hands to her face. "I meant what I told Eli this morning...every day I try my hardest to make sure I come back home to you guys."

Gabby nodded, "I know."

"Good," Matt mumbled. He kissed her, "now go take a shower, you're starting to smell," he joked.

Gabby rolled her eyes in amusement, "yeah...whatever."

Matt watched as Gabby left the living room. He turned the television off and listened carefully as he waited for Gabby to step into the shower. Once he heard the water start running and the shower curtain close, he dropped his face in his hands and took a deep breath. Unable to control his emotions any longer he let the tears fall. He cried for his fallen firefighters, he cried for their families and houses. Their lives would never be the same. He felt guilt and remorse but most of all, he felt relief. As he laid trapped under the wall all he could think about was Gabby and the boys.

He'd experienced some close calls before; they all had. It was a part of the job. You knew that when you signed up for it. But all those other close calls he'd had—before he'd met Gabby—it was his own life that had flashed before his eyes. This time it was different. All that he saw was Gabby and the boys standing above his grave; Gabby sobbing, Eli crying and Gus confused but well aware that something was wrong. And then the image changed. A vision of Gabby in the hospital giving birth alone—again. As soon as she'd told him she was pregnant, he'd promised her that he wouldn't let her do it alone. She wouldn't go through the pregnancy alone, she wouldn't deliver the baby alone and she would not raise the baby alone.

He'd almost broken his promise.

Unbeknownst to Matt, down the hall, Gabby was also falling apart.

Standing under the spray of the warm water, Gabby had both hands pressed against the shower wall as she braced herself for her breakdown. She'd stayed strong all day, only allowing herself to cry in private. She'd taken a few extra trips to the bathroom—something easily reasoned by her pregnancy—whenever she'd felt her emotions getting the best of her. Each time she'd return back to what she was doing before, she'd reluctantly meet Matt's gaze. She knew he knew what was going on but each time he would just silently welcome her into his arms.

As far as she was concerned, she had no right to be crying. Matt had walked out of that fire alive. Her family was still together. It was the six other families that had every right to breakdown and mourn. Not her.

Eventually, she pulled herself together to actually take a shower.

When Gabby stepped out of the bathroom, she was surprised to see all the light turned off. Tightening the towel around her body, she glanced in on the boys making sure they were still asleep before moving towards her bedroom. The door was half open and the only light in the room was the lamp on her nightstand.

Matt glanced up from his phone as Gabby entered the room. "Hey."

"Hey," Gabby whispered. She shut the door behind her and moved over to her dresser, pulling the top drawer open to get a pair of panties. She stepped into the panties and let the towel drop to the ground as she moved over to the closet. She reached up and grabbed one of Matt's old t-shirts and slipped it over her head. When she turned back around, she was a little surprised that Matt's attention was not on her but back on his phone. She frowned and climbed into bed next to him. "You ok?" She asked.

Yeah, she knew it was a stupid question but she refused to let him bottle up his emotions.

"Yeah," Matt whispered without taking his eyes off of his phone. "Count is now up to seven."

She followed his gaze to his phone to see what had captured his attention. Her stomach dropped as she read the title of the news blurb he was staring at. 7 Firefighters Confirmed Dead in Warehouse Fire. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry."

Matt shook his head, "it's not your fault." He looked up at her and frowned. "You've been crying," Matt whispered, reaching up and brushing a strand of Gabby's unruly hair back behind her hear.

Gabby reached up and placed her hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "so have you." She took a breath, "I am here for you, Matt."

"I know," Matt whispered. He took a shaky breath, "we all know the dangers of being a firefighter…"

Gabby nodded, understanding what Matt was trying to say as his words trailed off. "Is there anything I can get you?"

Matt shook his head, "you're all I need."He slid down so the back of his head met his pillow and gently pulled Gabby down next to him. He waited for her to settle into his uninjured side before wrapping an arm around her pulling her closer to him. He dropped a kiss on top of her head, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Gabby whispered.

Both of them settled into their own thoughts, hoping sleep would find them soon. After what Matt guessed to be about fifteen minutes, he could tell by Gabby's breathing that she was still awake. He cleared his throat in attempt to reign in his emotions before speaking, "all I could think about was you and the boys…and the baby…" He felt Gabby tense beside him and pulled her a little closer, "I've had close calls before…but that's the first time I saw something besides my own life flash before my eyes."

"Matt…"

"Please let me finish…" he insisted. "I know we've decided to hold off on marriage until things have settled down but there's something else that I think I need to do…" he cleared his throat, "something that I want to do. I want to legally adopt Gus and Eli."

Gabby glanced up at Matt, completely surprised by his words, "you do?"

"If something happens to me I want to make sure Eli and Gus are taken care of financially and that can only happen if I'm legally their father." He waited for a response from Gabby and started to get nervous as she stayed silent, "Gabby? Is that ok?"

She sat up and looked down at him, despite the darkness, her eyes had adjusted enough that she could see the glimmer in his eyes. "I know I don't say this enough…but you are so amazing." She laughed, just imagining Eli's reaction, "do you know how excited Eli will be to finally have a dad that really wants to be his dad?" She shook her head, grinning, "honestly, he'd be happy if that was his only Christmas present."

Matt smiled, "so it's really ok with you then?"

"Absolutely! I mean, we'll definitely have to get a lawyer and neither Gus nor Eli's fathers are listed on their birth certificates but I'm not really sure how all that works…" she shook her head, not wanting to plague her thoughts with the technicalities at the moment. "But we'll figure it all out." Sliding back down next to Matt, she wrapped an arm across his stomached and rested her chin on his chest, "you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and the boys."

Matt opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Gus' cries coming through the baby monitor.

Gabby groaned and started to push herself up but was stopped by Matt, "I got him."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll just hold him on my right side." Gabby watched with great concern as Matt climbed out of bed. He sent her a quick wink, "I'll be fine."

When Matt returned a short while later he wasn't at all surprised to see Gabby curled up in the center of the bed and sound asleep. Bracing a hand on his side, he eased himself back into bed and settled on his back. He slipped an arm under Gabby's body and pulled her close to him. He felt her snuggle into his side and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head before taking a breath and closing his eyes.

His physical exhaustion outweighed is emotional state of mind and it didn't take him long to fall into a deep sleep.