36-The Research Assistant
Severus replayed the evening's events in his head as he sat by the fire. Rabastan was definitely gay and had one sick sense of humor. Avery clearly had never seen a vagina and the others may be right -- it's likely he never will. Narcissa wanted pictures of the stripper? She and Lucius were clearly insane. Then he remembered the hag's nasty green pubes and nearly gagged. He crawled into bed wearing nothing but underwear and fell asleep. He just hoped he didn't dream of the hag or any part of her body.
Thankfully, Severus dreamt about Miss Posy instead. At one point, he felt something warm and very fuzzy on his pelvis. He was lying on his back with the covers up to his neck, when he woke up and noticed the warm fuzzy feeling was still there. He opened his eyes to see if he was still dreaming, but clearly something warm and fuzzy was on him. He decided to move his hand down to feel what was on him, when, instead, whatever it was began to move up towards him. He lifted the covers to look down and saw two deep brown eyes boring back at him.
"AHHHH!" Severus screamed at the top of his lungs. Whatever the owner of the brown eyes was made a high-pitched squeal and then ran back down to Severus's pelvis. In an instant, Lucius, adorned in his cream colored nightshirt, stormed into the room in a rushed panic.
"What? What?" he shouted as Severus continued to scream and screech.
"There's something on me! Something with huge ferocious eyes and OUCH!" he yelled, feeling his skin get ripped open on his upper leg, "And huge sharp claws!"
"What are you talking about?" Lucius asked as Severus lifted the covers and looked down. He once again saw the deep brown eyes, followed by a black nose, large pink tongue and a face that closely resembled a cotton ball.
"What the fuck is that?" Severus asked as the creature walked from Severus's pelvis, up his stomach and out from beneath the covers to expose it self. "Oh."
"That's Brandy, you moron! Narcissa's Bichon Frise! Remember?"
"What's it doing on me, Lucius?"
"Well. I have no idea. She does love to sleep in beds and snuggle against whoever is warmest; she also likes being beneath the covers."
"How did she get into my room?"
"Through the magical doggy door that I put on each door in the Manor," he said, pointing to the invisible hole in the door. "Only dogs can see it. I installed one in each room except father's study. I feel this Manor belongs to her too, so she has free reign," Lucius said as Brandy licked Severus on the face and then jumped off the plush bed. She then squatted and peed all over the floor and ran right out the invisible door. "Isn't she precious? Still needs to learn some manners, and I'm beginning to think she'll never be house-broken. Do clean that up, Sev, it'll stain the hardwood," Lucius said with a smile as he left the room.
---
A couple of hours later, Narcissa joined Lucius and Severus for breakfast in the back garden of the Manor. It was a cool but dry morning and the entire garden smelled of gardenias. Lucius had already told Narcissa all of the details of the botched stag party, but she wanted to hear Severus's take on it. Apparently Lucius had left out the part about the hag's green pubic hair and Macnair vomiting all over his own shoes. At least the story made the lovely witch laugh.
"Speaking of horrid yet funny things, why were you wearing your nightshirt last night, Lucius? You told me it was only worn in cold weather?" Severus asked, still thinking they looked ridiculous.
"Lucius loves his nightshirt and that one is made of a particularly fine silk, isn't it dear?" Narcissa said, cupping Lucius's chin in her hand. Lucius smiled back in a way that nearly sickened Severus.
After lunch, Severus and Lucius went to the robes shop to collect their robes for the wedding. Severus's fit him perfectly, as Lucius's did him. By chance, they ran into Rabastan while they were there. His robes matched Lucius's in that they were also blue, but more of a sky blue with some gray. He was the best man and apparently was supposed to match the bride and groom.
"You are a sick bastard, you know that?" Lucius said as he walked out of the shop.
"What? I thought it was funny, but that hag had a real bad attitude, as it turns out," Rabastan acknowledged.
"What? A hag with a bad attitude? I never heard of such a thing," Severus sneered sarcastically as Lucius laughed.
"Well, since she was so nasty and you all left, I ran out and didn't pay her."
"What?" both Lucius and Severus asked as they turned to face the weird wizard.
"Nope, she was not worth it, she was horrible!"
"She's going to kill you now," Lucius said as he rolled his eyes and continued his walk.
"I highly doubt it, we're untouchable, after all," Rabastan spoke with pride and then bowed to Severus and Lucius as he headed down towards Knockturn Alley.
When they arrived back at the Manor, the place was all aflutter. Florists and caterers and bakers and decorators were tearing the back garden apart. Also, Abraxas Malfoy had returned and sequestered himself in his study. Severus was pleased to have a summer job so he'd not witness all the pre-wedding work that was going on. It all looked very chaotic and unnecessary to him.
---
Severus woke up bright-eyed and ready for work the next morning at seven. He had breakfast in his room, despite knowing Lucius was awake and probably eating with his father. Severus dressed in his plainest black cotton robes and made his way downstairs. He figured he'd just floo back to the Manor for lunch and instructed the elves to have a salad and some potato soup handy for him. As he made his way to the Malfoy floo, he saw Lucius standing outside in the garden talking to a witch that Severus later learned was a coordinator. He stepped into the floo and floo'd to Diagon Alley.
He walked down the alley to the basement entrance of the Belby Potion Laboratory. He knocked on the door and stood straight with his arms crossed behind his back. A moment later, the door opened and a face he recognized but was still surprised to see was glaring back at him.
"What the fuck are you doing at my house?" a young boy with black hair asked.
"You live here?" Severus asked in a highly sarcastic tone.
"Yeah! Hello! And I don't allow disgusting half-bloods into my house!" the boy whose name still escaped Severus seethed and began to slam the door right on Severus's face. Severus quickly summoned his wand and used magic to prevent the large metal door from smashing into his already prominent nose.
"I am to report here at eight to work with Mr. Damocles Belby…is he in?" Severus asked as the boy rolled his eyes and turned away from Severus.
"Dad! DAD!" he screamed as Severus finally remembered the boy's name was Hernon. "Some filthy half-blood is here to see you!" he shouted as a witch from across the alley shot Severus a funny look as she walked by with her basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Despite what Severus had said, Hernon proceeded to slam the door right on Severus's face as he began to step forward to enter the lab.
"Ouch! Little fucker," Severus said quietly as he grabbed his throbbing nose and felt for blood. A moment later, the door opened but no one was standing nearby. Severus entered and looked around. The place was an absolute mess. Severus had never seen a filthy potions lab, but that one was covered in grime, had at least fifty cauldrons laced with caked-on goo waiting to be scrubbed and a multitude of vials all over that needed to be stopped and put back. A moment later, Damocles came downstairs, sporting an apron that seemed to be made of leather.
"Good, you are on time. I take it you know my son, Hernon?"
"We've met," Severus said as nicely as he could muster at the moment.
"I wasn't aware you were in his House, I'd taken you for a Ravenclaw like me."
"Well, my mum…"
"Anyway, you can probably guess what your first task will be. My assistant quit, as did my other research assistant. I have lots to do before my experiment in two days. I need this entire lab cleaned, scrubbed and organized and you simply must do it before July first."
"Dad, why did you hire him?" Hernon whined as he came back downstairs to mock Severus some more.
"Well, he seemed right for the job. son."
"He's a total wanker with no friends and he's not even a pureblood!"
"I know son, but he came highly recommended from a Ministry official…"
"So! He's an idiot and I can't stand him! I don't want him here all summer with me!" the boy screamed as his father just smiled and laughed a little.
"I know, but he is very good friends with the Malfoys and it's best to keep them happy. Abraxas Malfoy donates a lot of money for my research, after all. Plus, there's Lucius Malfoy…"
"I don't care about the Malfoys, daddy! He embarrasses our House!"
"That's not true!" Severus spoke up as Damocles glared at him for daring to correct his precious son. "We won the House Cup due to all the points awarded to me this year as well as Quidditch points. I don't recall any being awarded to you," Severus said coolly and then smiled at the boy before turning and grabbing the first cauldron he could find. He didn't even use magic to lift it and bring it to the basin. He turned on the water and began to scrub.
"Well, uh, just clean up this mess, don't leave until it's all done," Damocles instructed.
"What time do I take lunch?" Severus asked as he continued to scrub.
"When you're done cleaning this mess, naturally," Damocles said slowly and quietly while Hernon began to laugh cockily. Severus inhaled deeply and continued to scrub. Magic would never clean all the caked-on grime on most of them, so he had to resort to Muggle tactics for most of the cauldrons.
An hour passed and he magically cleaned what he could, which was six of the extremely large cauldrons. He was up to his elbows in muck when he was joined by another visitor.
"Ouch!" he screamed as he felt something whack him in the back of his leg. He turned to find a smaller boy standing behind him, red faced and holding in his giggles. "Did you just strike me with your broom?"
"Yes," the boy said and then picked his nose.
"That's disgusting," Severus warned as the boy laughed and placed the nose contents strategically on the back of Severus's robes. "What the…? Stop that this instant!" Severus nearly shouted and nearly gagged at what was on him. He used magic to remove the nastiness from his robes but the child laughed and hit him with his broom again. "STOP!"
"Don't yell at him!" Hernon said as he came downstairs to see what the fuss was about. "That's my littlest brother Darrius. He's seven."
"He does that well. How many more of you are there around here, anyway?"
"Well, I'm the oldest and then there's my brother Draidan. You've met Darrius here and then we have our baby sister Hellia…she's two."
"How charming," Severus said as he turned to continue his work. "Please tell him to leave me alone so I can get this done."
"No! You work for me not the other way around, Snape!"
"No…I work for your father and…"
"I don't think so. Working for my father means working for my family, which means working for me," Hernon stated and threw a pair of dirty boots at Severus, who glared at him. "Clean those. I need them for my Quidditch lesson this afternoon."
"I will do no such thing, I am cleaning this pigsty of a lab and that's all."
"Oh no? FATHER!" Hernon screamed as Severus heard a huge ruckus above in the main living quarters. He heard some stomps and then the sound of Damocles barreling down the stone spiral staircase.
"What? I told you, Hernon, I'm busy today."
"This pig refuses to scrub my boots!"
"Pig? Pig? I don't need this!" Severus erupted as he threw down his dish towel and faced the angered looking wizard.
"Listen, you will scrub his boots, he needs them by one this afternoon. It won't take but a minute."
"Why can't the boy scrub his own boots?" Severus asked, honestly wondering why the boy was not being held accountable.
"Why? Because he's my son and he's a Belby…that's why! You work here, it's your job!"
"I'm a research assistant, not the maid!" Severus quipped as a dark-haired older witch ran down the stairs and slapped Damocles across the face. She then spat on the floor and kicked Hernon in the shin.
"I quit!" she screamed and stormed out.
"Who…who was that?" Severus asked, fearing the answer.
"She was the maid. Clean up that spit, scrub his boots and finish the lab. I need it pristine for my upcoming experiment!" Belby exclaimed.
"No, forget this," Severus said, on his way out the door.
"You are free to leave, but I guarantee you won't find any other summer employment. I know for a fact all summer jobs in the field you require to enter the Healer's program have been filled," he said and smiled as he crossed his arms. "If you don't believe me, feel free to inquire with them," he added, as Severus gazed deeply into the black haired man's deep brown eyes. He detected no deception, and an overall feeling of panic.
"No. I believe you," Severus said as he flicked his wand at the spit. The mop from the corner of the room raced over and began to clean up the floor.
"I prefer my boots be scrubbed the Muggle way; magically, they tend to get scuffed too easily. I'm sure you are familiar with cleaning the Muggle way, aren't you?" Hernon asked as Severus bowed slightly to the smaller and younger wizard.
"I live to serve," he mocked and then grabbed the boots. He took them to the basin and began to scrub them. He had worked constantly for eight solid hours and was beginning to feel it. His feet were throbbing, his back was sore and he'd pulled some muscles in his neck and shoulders from lifting and bending so much. He was also starving and suffering from a headache. It was four in the afternoon when he finally finished the cauldrons.
The floors were mopped magically and the windows were scrubbed in the same fashion. He had to put stoppers on the vials and then place them on the shelves. They seemed to be placed in an unorganized fashion, with some in alphabetical order and some not. He did not understand and wanted to ask Damocles, but the older wizard had vanished after the morning's confrontations.
Severus stood at the basin and handwashed some empty vials while he gazed out the large window which gave him a stunning view of the brick wall across the street. He did see a few witches and wizards walk by, but he was mentally counting down the seconds until he could leave. By six, he was exhausted and his head was killing him. He dared to walk up the stairs to find his employer to see if he could leave.
The upstairs living quarters were pristine and richly decorated. He saw a photo on the wall of the entire family which appeared to have been taken immediately following the birth of their lone daughter. The walls were covered in gold wallpaper and the sitting area held four brown leather sofas. The air smelled of jasmine and a piano was playing some very nice and soothing music magically.
"What are you doing here? You're the half-blood my brother told me about, I guess?" a very fat boy asked. Severus was too tired and dirty to care to even bother getting upset.
"I assume you are Draidan? I was told you were younger than Hernon, but I had no idea you'd be this much bigger."
"You are a lot uglier than my brother told me. Greasy, too. And you are in Slytherin?"
"Yeah, whatever; where is your father?"
"He's in his study. I'll get him, but you must wait downstairs. You'll just dirty up our nice house if you stay here."
"Fine. Get him," Severus demanded as he turned to head back downstairs. He ran into a plump witch who was coming out of the kitchen with a tray full of tea. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said, catching her tray magically. She huffed and shot him a dirty look, followed by a sympathetic one.
"You are the new research assistant and maid, then, are you?"
"Well, I have no intention of being anyone's maid…"
"Listen, kid. Get out of here…now! He's horrible to work for and his kids are bloomin' brats, the whole lot of them! Get out…run!" she urged.
"Why haven't you left?"
"I'm saving to send my daughter Bruhella to Hogwarts next year, then I'm out of here!" she whispered loudly.
"I can't leave. I have no choice either. You are the cook?"
"Cook and nanny, yes. I'm Helga Gamp."
"Severus Snape."
"Snape? Never heard of no Snapes. You foreign?"
"No, my father was a Muggle…"
"A half-blood? Here? He won't hire half-bloods and mudbloods."
"Well, I was an exception. You are a pureblooded witch?"
"Of course!" she huffed proudly and then set the tea tray down on the mahogany table.
"You attended Hogwarts?"
"Yes, Hufflepuff."
"Oh. I'm in Slytherin. I didn't think purebloods did this kind of work."
"What? Of course we do! We do whatever we have to in order to keep our children fed and clothed, you know!" she said harshly. Severus smiled and took a step back.
"Is Mrs. Belby that difficult to work for?" he asked, noting she was one of the Belbys he'd not met yet.
"No, she was a dear. She died eighteen months ago."
"Oh no. Why doesn't he just employ house-elves?" he asked as the plump witch began to laugh heartily.
"Oh, he did. He had one. The elf killed himself."
"What?"
"Oh, yeah. Hung himself with a sock! True story. Rare, but happens."
"Oh, my God," Severus said, suddenly realizing just how dire his situation really was.
"You, why are you in my house?" Damocles asked coolly as he entered the room. "Madam Gamp, don't speak to him. I believe you have work to do?" he asked as she smiled, curtsied and then retreated to her kitchen.
"I finished your lab. I wanted to see if I could go home now."
"It's six thirty. It really took you that long? You are not very efficient, are you?" he asked smugly as Severus just inhaled deeply and tried not to throw a curse his way or summon all the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord to just incinerate the man. "Let me see what you did first."
Severus followed his boss down the stairs to the spotless lab. The man walked slowly and examined every nook, every crack and every square inch of the very clean lab. He ran his fingers over his tables to check for dust. He looked somewhat pleased until he went over to his vial shelves.
"What's this crap? You can't figure out how to store these properly? Why is this here? This should be there!" he said. holding up a vial of blue chlorine and pointing to the wall opposite him.
"I could not find where these were necessarily alphabetical…"
"So you just guessed? I'm not paying you to guess. I shouldn't be paying you at all. I've never paid any of my summer workers. You're going to earn every Sickle from me, boy. No, you moron, this goes over there. I store them according to use, not by letter. All my anti-fungal goes here, for example," he said, pointing to the wall directly behind him. "My combustibles go there," he motioned, pointing to the wall to his left. "My herbs go here. Each section is then alphabetized…I was under the impression you were a fine Potions student and understood this stuff."
"I've never heard of a storing system like that, that's all. I'll do as you ask."
"I know you will. You will go and redo all of these that you put here incorrectly. Then you may leave," he said and smiled. Severus nodded and waited for the wizard to leave before he sighed and cussed at himself.
At ten thirty at night, Severus arrived back at the Manor, where he found Lucius waiting for him in the great room.
"My God, where were you? I had Dobby hold dinner but by nine we simply couldn't wait anymore," Lucius said. He was wearing his most casual robes.
"He worked me straight this entire time. No break. I haven't pissed since I woke up!"
"No lunch?"
"NO! No lunch, no break, his kid hit me with a broom, he made me scrub his lab…I'm his fucking house-elf since his former house-elf killed himself! Ever heard of such a thing?"
"Wow. Yes. Bella's set himself on fire a few months ago. Rookwood said his elf sliced its wrists with kitchen sheers when he was just a boy."
"Dobby really is retarded; if you treated me the way you treat him, I'd kill myself too. Still though, you treat Dobby like a king compared to the way this dick-wad treats me. What do you know of this Damocles Belby?"
"Just what you know, he's the best brewer in Britain…and apparently a royal asshole."
"He's more prejudice against half-bloods and Muggleborns than you and the Dark Lord…combined!"
"Wow, that is something. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this, I simply can't imagine. Why not quit? You don't need that crap."
"I can't. I need it to get into the accelerated program. Look, I have a headache all over my entire body. I need a shower and some food and a bed. We'll talk if I ever get a day off!" Severus said as he turned to go upstairs to the comfort of his own room.
"I'll have Dobby send up dinner, he kept it warm. Pot roast, your favorite…without the actual roast, of course," he heard Lucius say as he ascended the stairs.
Severus was very put out. He was a Death Eater. He lived in a fine Manor that made the Belby residence look like a house-elf cubby hole. Why did he have to put up with the prejudice and smugness of Damocles Belby just because he was Britain's premier brewer? He took a hot but fast shower and then inhaled his mashed potatoes drowned in pot roast drippings, sautéed mushrooms, candied carrots and snow peas. He drank three glasses of water and was asleep the minute his head hit his pillow.
Seven and a half hours later, his pocket watch was ringing for him to rise and head back to work. His body was sore and he almost considered just quitting and forgetting about the accelerated program altogether. He decided to give it another try and see how his day went. He ate a plate full of French toast and coffee loaded with cream and sugar. He arrived at work ten minutes early to find his lab was messy again. It was not as bad as the day before, but he walked in to find seven dirty cauldrons, a basin full of stirs and many vials and tubes of ingredients strewn out on the various tables. He began to clean, when he was greeted by his boss, who looked surprised to see him.
"Oh, you decided to come back for more? I give you credit. Most people quit after their first day."
"Maybe if you were nicer…"
"I don't have to be nice. I'm a very important man. I'm working on something so important it will change our entire world. I'm needed. You…you are nothing…yet. You may be something someday…we'll see," he said, calming down into a milder tone. "I see you started to clean, good. You don't need to be micro-managed. I need these parchments filed numerically by their identifier number. When you are finished, go to the supply shop in Knockturn and get these items," he said, handing Severus a list of ingredients and various potions he needed. "I have an account, so just tell them who you work for."
"Fine."
"Good…now get to work!" he demanded as his tone changed back to hostile. Severus finished cleaning and then sat to organize the parchments. There were twelve parchments and Severus was curious what they said. Instead of just filing them, he sat and began to read them.
"Hey, doof-ass, why are you sitting down on the job?" Hernon teased as he walked up behind Severus. Severus just ignored him and pretended he didn't exist. "What? Deaf and ugly?"
After ten minutes of calling Severus every name in the book, he grew bored and left. While Severus was being belittled, he had managed to read most of the parchments. He was perplexed and highly intrigued. The first read: Number 92234. Age, 12. Age when infected, 10. Sex, Male. Height, sixty four inches. Weight, 50 kilograms. Tested on, blank. Affect, blank.
He read them all and they all read the same. None had been tested to date. Six were male and six were female. The ages ranged from ten to sixty-two. Some were affected as young as two years of age, and some as old as fifty. Severus still had no idea what 'tests' were coming or what experiment Damocles was even working on. He filed them in the box and grabbed his list to head to the supply shop.
He was happy to be outside in the fresh air and not cooped up in the dark and dreary basement laboratory. It was a very bright and sunny day with a cool breeze. It was not a very long walk to the shop. There were three that he knew of, but this one was in Knockturn Alley. Some of the items on the list Severus instantly recognized as being rather dark or hard to come by. He roamed the dirty streets of Knockturn Alley and avoided the gaze of the prostitutes and beggars.
He entered the rather dark shop which smelled of incense, and noticed no one was behind the counter. There were very few items on display, which lead him to think most were kept behind the counter in a back room that was closed off by a large deep purple velvet curtain. There was a cowbell on the counter next to a cash register. He waited a moment and then decided to ring the bell. A second later, a witch came out from behind the curtain. She was not pretty at all. She looked like what Severus knew Muggles thought witches looked like. Her hair was long, black and coarse. She had pale skin and wore deep green eye shadow. Her eyes themselves were a very odd shade of pear green. She had a very large and hooked nose that rivaled Severus's own nose. Her black robes were slightly low cut and very tight to show her thin but curvy body.
"Oy, you rang?" she asked in a very heavy cockney accent.
"Um, yeah, hi," he nervously said, though he did not know why he was nervous.
"Yeah, hi, what do you want?" she asked impatiently.
"I work for Damocles Belby and he needs…"
"Oh, you poor thing. How long ya worked for him?" she asked while chewing gum, something which surprised Severus.
"Well," he said, taking out his pocket watch, to which he noticed she raised her brows and then blew a bubble. "Twenty-seven miserable hours."
"That long, eh?" she said, reaching her hand out to touch his pocket watch. She rubbed her finger over the cover's smooth surface and smiled . He opened it and watched as her eyes widened. She seemed rather easily impressed. "I like how it shows the sun and clouds and shit."
"Oh yeah, here," he said, casting a quick wandless spell over it to show the stage of that night's moon.
"Cool. Where did you get that?"
"Present."
"Nice present."
"Yeah, um…I need these," he said, handing her the rather long list of supplies and ingredients that the world's biggest asshole needed. She took the list, smiled and then went back behind the curtain. He heard some rustling in the back room and then she came out a few moments later. She grabbed a pencil and began to circle certain items on his list.
"These we don't have. I'll order them; they could be here by tomorrow morning. This one we just don't carry anymore and, no, I have no idea who does. This one he says he wants five, but we only have three, the rest will be here tomorrow," she said, handing him the list back. Next, she boxed up what she did have and handed it to him. He shrank the items down and put them in his pocket. "Wow, you're good."
"At what?"
"Shrinking, I'm still not good at shrinking stuff."
"Really? Wait…I never saw you at Hogwarts."
"Nah, I never went to magic school. Mum was a witch…died when I was born. I was raised by my father. I'm not much of a witch."
"So, who taught you magic?"
"No one. My uncle who owns this shop sent me books, I read up some. He got me a wand when I turned seventeen and asked me to come work for him here. I'm still learnin' some."
"Oh, wow. That…sucks."
"I guess. Whatever. I'll put those on Mr. Belby's account," she said and blew another bubble. He bowed slightly and turned to leave the shop.
---
"What the hell? I need these ingredients Snape!" Belby roared when Severus un-shrank what he'd retrieved from the shop.
"I told you, those will be in tomorrow, that one in particular she said they just don't sell and she has…"
"I don't care what she…she? Who the hell is she? Mercom Travers owns that shop and he's a man."
"She's his niece and she works there."
"This experiment is tomorrow, Snape! I need the aconite and I need it NOW!"
"You can't get it here in Britain, what do you want me to do?" Severus yelled back.
"I thought you were this great prodigy! This great thing! Lucius Malfoy praised you to me. I thought you were industrious and intelligent, obviously I was wrong!"
"Hey, just because no one sells that highly dangerous and poisonous plant in Knockturn Alley doesn't mean you have to insult me. You should have thought of it before today, perhaps!"
"What do you know, you little asshole!" Belby seethed as Severus just rolled his eyes and tried not to punch him.
"I know that if I had an important experiment tomorrow, I'd already have my ingredients well in advance," Severus replied as he waited to get sacked on the spot.
"Well, you ignorant little prick, if you had even a fourth of a brain, you'd know that aconite has a shelf life of only three days…"
"Yeah, yeah I know. Still though, I'd have thought ahead to make sure someone had it first…"
"I'll just have to conduct this experiment without it, I guess," Belby huffed and suddenly looked very defeated.
"What is the experiment, anyway?" Severus finally asked.
"That information is given on a need-to-know basis and right now you do not need to know. All you need to know is that I need you to take my children to the park, then the zoo…in Paris tomorrow."
"What?"
"You heard me -- you will portkey tomorrow with them and return on the morning of July second."
"What? Overnight?"
"I told you that you'd need to work overnight and, well, you will be working overnight."
"I'm not the nanny!"
"You are now; she quit while you were gone. My children cannot be here tomorrow, interrupting me during my experiment, bothering me, and whatnot. You speak French, right?"
"Oui."
"Ah, good. So you'll take them, show them some fun, stay the night and then drop them back off around ten on Saturday and then you are free to go. I'll see you back here on the sixth of July, then?"
"Oui."
"Don't be a smartass. Now go back to that shop and get me some runespoor eggs and don't even think of telling me they are out! Go."
Severus bowed slightly and then slammed the door behind him as he left. The nanny quit? She said she needed to work, but she quit? Why the hell was he still there? He was to be nanny to three of the most ill-behaved children he'd ever met, plus a toddler, and he was not happy about it. He marched to the shop and slammed the door behind him. Before he made it to the counter, the same witch came out from behind the curtain, smiling.
"He's really getting on your nerves, ain't he?" she asked with a wicked smile.
"You have no fucking idea! And I'm sorry for swearin'," he said, suddenly reverting to his old northern Muggle accent.
"I don't give a fuck, swear all you want. Shit, where I come from, it's the norm," she said, spitting her gum out into a pail on the floor and reaching into her robes for a cigarette.
"Where are you from?" he asked, finally calming down some.
"Liverpool," she said, putting the cigarette in her mouth. He instantly summoned his wand and used magic to light a flame for her. She smiled, leaned in and used it to light her cigarette while staring at him with her mysterious pear-green eyes.
"No wizards there," he said, putting his wand back in his robes but not breaking the stare.
"Well, me and a few others I encountered. But generally not, no. You from Manchester?" she asked blowing smoke circles his way.
"Derby; but I did live in Manchester for a while. I hate Damocles Belby, by the way, and he needs runespoor eggs and he wants no excuses."
"Why didn't he add them to his original list?"
"Because he's a moron," Severus said, admiring her smoke circles and the way she held the cigarette. He also admired her very long and purple fingernails. "Your uncle lets you smoke here? Around all these ingredients?"
"Eh, not really. He prefers I step outside, but he's not here, so what he does not know cannot hurt him."
"I see."
"Besides, no ingredients out here in the shop; we store them all back there, no harm can be done," she said, never taking her eyes off him. With her free hand, she slowly caressed the top of a rather large crystal ball that was off to the side of the cash register.
"You like Divination?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm sort of a natural at it."
"Really. So you can read my mind?" he asked, somewhat sarcastically.
"Nah, but I can read your tea leaves," she said and smiled some. She licked her top teeth through the smile and suddenly Severus was highly intrigued. Not so much that she could read his tea leaves, but that he suddenly was extremely turned on by the not so attractive looking witch. "Come here, lets do this."
"I…I should get back…"
"Nah, this won't take but a minute, let me get a cup," she said and smiled. She extinguished her cigarette and grabbed a cup. He'd never had tea leaves read before, but he knew the drill. He also did not believe in any of it. He took the tea leaves and held the cup for a few moments. She then took it from him and began to read it. "Hmm…not too good."
"Really? That is not shocking to me, somehow."
"Yeah, I'm afraid you are going to have a real crap life," she said, rather seriously; then she met his gaze and smiled. "But there is some light at the end of the tunnel."
"Really? How encouraging," he said sarcastically.
"Well, I hate to tell ya, but I see a cross -- see it right here?" she asked as she leaned the cup and pointed to show him what she was talking about. He nodded and she proceeded to speak. "Well, that means trials and suffering. That's…not too good. Oh, and here, that's called a falcon," she spoke, pointing her purple nail to the appearance of the falcon. He was more intrigued with her long and slender fingers than he was with her prophecy. "That means a deadly enemy."
"Well, everyone has one of those."
"True," she said and smiled at him. "But then this here, see, that is just not good. That's the Grim and it means…"
"Death. Again, we all die, do we not?"
"Yeah, we do. Still, no one wants the Grim in their tea cup. Even worse is this one right here -- it's a skull. It means you have danger in your path. You sure seem to be a hellraiser," she teased and began to smile even larger. He rolled his eyes and smiled back.
"You have no idea."
"Ah, I see," she said flirtatiously.
"You said there was some good news too?"
"Oh, yeah, see here, that's a sun. It means great happiness."
"Okay, so I have a deadly enemy, danger in my path, I'll have trials and suffering, I'll die…but I'll be happy about it?" he mocked and then laughed.
"Well, no, tea leaves don't work like that. They can happen in any order. So you could be happy now, then meet the deadly enemy, then face trials and then die…"
"How splendid!" he joked as even she finally relented to laughter.
"Oy, listen! Or you could have the deadly enemy, then be happy, then face trials while on a dangerous path…and then die."
"Well, that just sounds lovely. I'm so glad I got out of bed this morning."
"No, no, wait, listen -- I don't take it so literally. That's what fortune tellers do, everything is so black and white with them. Not me; I like to be more…philosophical."
"I see. Go on," he urged as she smiled.
"Well, a deadly enemy could be anything, like food that makes you sick and could kill you, or water that you could drown in…"
"Already did that…next."
"Well, then, that one may have already passed. Trials and suffering don't necessarily mean legal trials and physical suffering, but there's really nothing good about that one. That's the one that concerned me the most about you, that one is just…bad. As for death, well, maybe a part of you will die and be reborn. Happens all the time and you're right, we all die so that one is just a given. But you also got the great happiness sun and not everyone gets that. It's not just happiness but great happiness. Your whole life could be that way, except for the trials and suffering parts, of course."
"Oh, I highly doubt my whole life will be that happy. But still, good to know. Thanks for the fortune. How much do I owe you for that?" he asked sarcastically as she put the cup down and bit her bottom lip.
"I'll think of a way you can pay me back…but for now let me get you those eggs you came here for, or else the great suffering will come from the hands of Belby!" she joked and then vanished behind the purple curtain.
She was no Camilla Diggory, but there was something about her that he liked. Sure, she wasn't pretty but she had a nice figure. She smoked, cussed and knew a lot about potions ingredients -- all pluses in his book.
"You're in luck, here ya go," she said, handing him the eggs. "Now, shrink them for me."
"No. You shrink them."
"I…I can't."
"You can, it's simple. Where's your wand?" he asked as she grabbed the white wand from a pocket in her robes. "Okay, now aim it at the eggs, but don't look at them as a basket full of six eggs. Imagine it as…a box, just a box. It's easier to shrink one thing, see. Okay, so just envision one box here, aim the wand at it and then flick it counterclockwise from the twelve o'clock to the six o'clock. As you flick it, say Reducio. It's simple, you can do it."
"I don't want to mess up and ruin the eggs…"
"You won't. Imagine them being small. Let's make them the size of a ring box. Just picture in your mind that box the size of a ring box. Make sure you clearly picture it, flick your wand and speak the incantation. Go."
"Um…If I ruin these, you'll get into so much trouble 'cause these are all we got!"
"A four-year-old could do this," he fibbed, trying to boost her confidence. "They won't be ruined. Try. Picture the box, picture the small box, flick and say the word Reducio."
She inhaled deeply and aimed her wand. She was clearly nervous and reconsidering. She then bit her bottom lip and began to flick her wand. She said the incantation and the basket of eggs did shrink, but not as much as Severus hoped. Still, it was a good try. She looked most pleased with herself.
"Great. It's half its original size, good for you," he said as she clapped her hands together while she laughed.
"That's so cool!"
"Yeah. Easy stuff."
"Yeah. Thank, thanks a lot!"
"No problem," he said, noting the time. "I really have to get running now."
"Well, I'm sure I'll see you again, Professor."
"I'm sure I'll be back, but I have to leave for Paris tomorrow, so probably next week sometime."
"Wow, Paris. Cool, very cool."
"No, not really. It's going to be a nightmare. I have to take his four brats and I'd rather hang myself with a sock, actually."
"Huh?"
"Nothing…inside joke. Thanks for the eggs."
"Thanks for the lessons…oy!" she shouted as he was half way out the door. "Do I need to keep callin' ya Professor, or what?"
"Oh, yeah," he said with a large smile, realizing only then he did not know her name. "Severus, Severus Snape."
"Well, I'm Ruby. Have a croissant for me tomorrow," she spoke with a wink.
"I will," he said with a slight bow and a more than slight smile. He walked back to the lab in a daze. Something about the witch he learned was named Ruby intrigued him, despite the terrible tea leaf reading she'd given him. He kept thinking about the contours of her body and the very creative smoke circles she blew and didn't even realize he'd made it all the way back to the lab.
"Where the hell have you been?" Belby screamed the second Severus walked through the door with his desired eggs. Severus was suddenly in such a good mood from his meeting with the witch that he didn't even get upset at Belby for screaming.
"At the shop. There was a long line…happens," he lied and handed Belby the eggs. "Anything else?"
"No. Your portkey for Paris leaves from the Ministry at nine tomorrow, so be here by eight. Don't disappoint me, Snape! This experiment has been ten years in the making and I can't have the kids here when I do it!"
"Fine. But I was under the impression I was a research assistant, not an Au Pair."
"Look, you little snot, you are whatever I say you are and tomorrow, you are the Au Pair-Extraordinaire! If you do a good job tomorrow, then I'll let you assist me hands-on next month when I experiment again."
"What are you working on, exactly, again?"
"I told you…nothing for you to worry about right now. I'm busy, go home!"
"Fine, see you tomorrow," Severus said as he turned to leave. He decided to Apparate back to the Manor and landed on the trail that time, which made him happy. He strolled into the Manor with a large smile on his face, which shocked Dobby even.
"Sir, you are home so early," Dobby said while scrubbing the floor on his hands and knees.
"I am, but I'm exhausted. Please have a tuna sandwich sent to my room. I plan on staying in there all night reading and doing…other things, I guess," he said with a large smile as he practically skipped up the stairs. He wanted a shower but doubted anything could clean the filthy thoughts he was having about the shopkeep.
"Other things, sir?"
"Never mind, Dobby," Severus responded. He felt so invigorated he didn't even mind packing his bag for his first trip to Paris. The kids were a royal nightmare, but he was a Death Eater, after all. Surely, a Death Eater could handle a few inept children for a day.