Chapter 34: Happy Days Are Here Again

In a Random Place

Deidara was very confused. He detested such a feeling. It was beneath him, the great artist Deidara, to be puzzled. Yet here he was. When Namikaze Minato had told him to step into a portal he hadn't questioned the idea because Deidara had been trained his entire life to be very afraid of the man and seeing him had overwhelmed him. He thought it would overwhelm anyone; the man was a legend after all. However as he sat in a white void much like the one he had just left he began to think. Why had Namikaze insisted that he go away? The more Deidara replayed the encounter in his mind the more an obvious answer came to him: Namikaze was weak. The man never made a single movement towards him that entire encounter. Deidara could see subtle movements designed to mask pain and weakness in Minato's upper body. The man had clearly been uncomfortable merely sitting upright. Deidara cursed himself. He had let his fear cloud his judgment. He had the greatest enemy to his nation right in front of him and all he could do was cower.

Deidara jumped up to his feet and began to pace. This insult could not pass. It could not be allowed to pass. The blonde knew he was a great ninja. He could feel the greatness flowing through him. He had trained his body and mind for over a decade to hone his ninja art: the way of the explosion. He had paid prices that caused lesser shinobi to shudder in terror. He had warped his body with rituals and techniques long forbidden because no one but him had dared to enter the realm of the impossible. He could not allow a man's status in life to stand in his way. No matter how great a man is, he is still just a man. Namikaze appeared to be weakened at that. It took someone's absolute best to even hope to approach his art, and Namikaze wasn't at his best. He knew he merely had to bide his time. He had to create something truly magnificent and when the time came for that wretched Yellow Flash to retrieve him he would send the nightmare of his village out with a bang.

"Mmm, going to teach that Konoha trash a lesson, hm. Look down on the great Deidara as if I am the trash, hm. He is just going to be another example of my art. I will call it "Yellow Flash to Red Smear" hm. Yeah that sounds great, hm." Deidara believed that no one could hear him, but that was not quite true. In a distant corner of the current dimension the Shinigami was holding a bag of popcorn. He always did enjoy a good show, and this was sure to be one.

The White Space

Namikaze Minato practically glided into the White Space. It had only been a few weeks since his battle with Bob but the time he had spent weakened had taken more of a toll on him than he realized. Even the white space seemed sharper and more in focus than when he had visited it last time. It was good to be back whole once again, simply put. He didn't know the long-term price for his agreement with the Keeper but he didn't really care at this point. He had learned to trust his instincts a long time ago and he thought the Keeper was playing it straight. If he turned out to be wrong, well, that was when his legendary improvisation skills would need to kick in. Putting the Keeper and whatever he was scheming out of his mind for the moment, Minato slammed into his desk chair and kicked his feet up on his desk. He picked up Deidara's case file and put it in his lap and began to read it over in more detail. The one detail that kept occurring to him was just how young Deidara was. He had barely been a teenager when he had defied his master and started to help terrorist groups. Minato tried to fight it but could not help the profound sense of pity he felt for Deidara. The man he could have become. He was barely more than a boy when he had died, only nineteen years old. He had done such vile acts, more than enough to earn him his punishment. Yet, even with that said, Minato could not help but to think that perhaps there was still hope for Deidara's soul. Then again, perhaps there wasn't. Either way Minato would have to come up with something suitable for his deeds. He wasn't in the business of saving souls after all. He was the judge, and judge Deidara he would.

Minato was brought out of his thoughts by the queue button which was softly aglow with a strange blue hue. Minato looked at the button with a perplexed look on his face. It had never glowed anything but red before. Clearly Minato should have consulted the three page owner's manual on the situation but he decided that would be too much work and pressed the button. What was being dead without a little bit of adventure?

A moment later Minato regretted his decision. Towering above him was the very angry form of Manda, the greatest snake summon. Minato tilted his head to the side and tried to think of something to say. He could not, and so he remained speechless for the moment.

Manda leaned down and narrowed its eyes to slits as he looked at Minato. "You are the former master of that miserable toad Gamabunta. Not content with mediocrity in life, so it suits you to be merely the doorman to the afterlife."

Minato put his chin in his left palm and looked up at the giant snake with a grin on his face. "You haven't changed I see. Still as full of yourself as the last time we met. Say, did you ever manage to heal that burn mark?" Minato had to leap out of his chair as Manda's tail came crashing down on Minato's desk. "Yup, same old Manda. You really should work on that anger management of yours!" Minato dodged to the right as Manda's tail slammed down in the place he had been a moment before.

"Fool! I am the greatest of the mythical creatures! You will show me respect!" Manda roared at Minato.

Minato laughed at Manda. "Always so pompous, learn to relax a little bit Manda. Not my fault you are dead after all. I don't get many non-human souls, but you aren't the first. I got a new job you see. Judge of the dead! If anyone is showing a lack of respect here it is you. Why don't you calm down before you get yourself in a bad way? This is the only warning you are going to get." Minato gave Manda a pointed look letting the snake know that he meant business.

Manda, much like his former master Orochimaru, was never one to back away from a challenge. Even when it would have been a good idea.

Manda leapt into the air and bared its fangs at Minato. Minato just watched as Manda got closer to him without moving an inch. A moment later Manda had swallowed Minato whole and closed his mouth shut. Manda was about to comment on how delicious Minato was when he felt a terrible pain erupt from his stomach. No, that was Minato literally erupting from his stomach with a Rasengan still in hand. Manda's head crashed to the floor and he wailed in pain. The snake summon could see his body begin to turn to nothingness as the blood-covered Minato slowly made his way towards the snake's head.

Minato took his time getting to Manda's head. There was nothing wrong with letting someone who tried to eat you suffer after all. When Minato was within Manda's line of sight he fixed him with a cold stare. One of them was cold-blooded by nature, the other cold-blooded by choice. It was clear to see who had the upper hand on this day.

"It is my job to evaluate someone's worth when they come to me," Minato said, "it is clear to me you don't have any worth. Still as pompous and vile as ever I see. If that is how you want to be, I won't stop you. I'll just watch you fade into nothingness." Minato took a seat on the ground and watched as Manda's body continued to fade.

"You cannot do this! Stop this at once! Do you know who I am? I am Manda, king of all of
summons! You cannot allow me not to be!"

"I think you have me mistaken for someone else, Manda. I can and I will. I suppose if you show some humility for once I could be persuaded to stop this process."

"Never! Humility is unbecoming for one such as me!"

Minato shrugged at him. "Your call."

Manda felt fear overtake him. He had lived for so long and just as he was to die he was being told that his very existence was in danger. Worse still was the fact he had the misfortune of being in front of his rival's greatest summoner. He was expected to beg to him? He wouldn't do it. He refused.As his defiance reached its peak he could feel the process of his destruction rapidly speed up until it was nearly only his head that remained untouched. That changed his tune.

"Very well! I admit it! I am not the greatest summon ever! I am nothing! Just please for all that is great stop this at once!"

Minato smirked at the snake summon. "Much better." Minato snapped his fingers and Manda stopped fading from existence. Not only that, but Manda's form had changed altogether. He had regained a fully functioning body but he was now no larger than a common garden snake.

"W-what have you done to me!" Manda demanded.

Minato smiled nastily down at him. "You were always so proud of being the biggest there was, towering above others. But on the inside you were – just – so – small!" Minato took his time, enunciating his description of Manda. "Now, the form you have matches what you truly are. You have been big for too long Manda, and it is dangerous for spirits to forget what it is like to be small. It reminds them of what they came from, of what everyone is at one point. Be small now, Manda, and let it humble you." With another snap of his fingers he made Manda disappear from the White Space.

Minato blinked twice and looked at his hand as if it was the first time he was seeing it. That's new. He had never been able to do that before. Usually when he snapped his fingers a portal would appear to send people on their way. Just what had the Keeper done to his powers? Minato shook his head to clear his thoughts. No use in thinking about it now. That short battle with Manda had helped him arrive to a decision about Deidara. It was judgment time!

A Very Cold Place

Zabuza didn't like cold weather. He just didn't. He liked it when he could turn water into mist and go around chopping people up and laughing at how lost they were. He could turn ice into mist too; it just took him a lot longer and if the trick wasn't done fast it just didn't have the same oomph it would normally have. That is what being a ninja is about, the oomph.

Cold weather was, of course, exactly what Zabuza had to contend with while he tried to retrieve Nick from this forsaken realm that the servant of Bob was hiding in. Zabuza liked to pretend that he had put up a valiant effort to get out of this job but the truth of the matter was when the Shinigami told him to go to the end of the afterlife he had gone without any complaints. When the Mizukage had given him shitty missions he could actually plot the man's demise. Life had its perks over death, and that was one of them. It was hard to realistically plot the Shinigami's demise without the god sneaking up behind Zabuza and laughing at his ideas. That had been embarrassing.

After wandering around a snowy wasteland for a while Zabuza spotted a small house on a hilltop. Zabuza groaned. He felt stiff as it was; having to trek up a mini mountain wasn't going to help. Steeling himself he began his slow climb. He was the first to admit he didn't know much about how the afterlife worked but there should have been some way to remove the ability to feel pain. Snow beneath your fingers for a ten minute climb was not a sensation Zabuza had ever felt in life, and he was immensely glad for it. Finally Zabuza reached to the top of the hill and stumbled to the door. He pounded on the door and waited patiently by his standards for Nick to answer. Three seconds later he backed up a few feet and knocked the door down with a swift kick.

Zabuza stepped through the door and immediately saw Nick sitting in a chair glaring right at him.

"I am not going with you," Nick said simply. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

"That's fine," Zabuza said a little too casually.

Nick raised an eyebrow at Zabuza's comment. "That wasn't suspicious or anything…" Nick muttered.

Zabuza held back a sigh. His instructors always did tell him that he was a poor liar. "Okay, well, you don't actually have to come with me. But a part of you does."

Nick paled at that statement. "Excuse me?"

Zabuza thought that was a fair reaction to have. "The Shinigami has realized, in all of his greatness, that a universe without Bob is boring him. So he has unearthed a ritual to bring Bob back from the depths of oblivion. I believe he called it an amusing side project. Long story short, we need a part of you to complete the ritual. Don't worry it is nothing too large or important. A hand would do, for example. You can even pick your bad hand!"

Nick was running towards the door before Zabuza had finished. He reached for the door – with his bad hand, no less – before Zabuza pulled him back by the scruff of the neck and threw him back into the chair he had been sitting in.

Zabuza took his massive sword from its place on his back and sat it down beside him.

Nick could not stop the whimper that came from him when he saw the massive sword.

Zabuza rolled his eyes. "Come on, don't be such a pussy. One cut and this will all be over. Plus if you don't have the decency to make it easy for me I'll settle for taking your head back instead. The Shinigami was not picky about what I brought back to him." Zabuza glared menacingly at Nick.

Nick, for his part, knew that Zabuza was ruthless and really didn't care what body part he lopped off. While Nick didn't want to lose his left hand he was much more partial to his head. Heaving a heavy sigh Nick stuck out his left arm. "Make it quick," Nick bit out.

The next moment Zabuza swung his sword down and Nick's left hand was cleanly cut off.

"Fuck that hurts!" Nick screamed out, clutching at where his hand used to be.

"Well, yeah, I just cut off your hand." Zabuza bent down and casually grabbed Nick's hand off the ground. "Well, it was nice doing business with you Nick. Stay safe." Zabuza opened a portal out of the realm and stepped through it, his business done.

Nick crumpled to the ground and let loose another scream of pain. It was always that damnable Shinigami. No matter what he did the Shinigami was always there to make his life hell. Even when he had tried to dispose of the Shinigami through Bob he had failed. That told Nick something very important: He was going to have to try even harder to destroy the Shinigami. Nick let loose a maniacal laugh that was cut short by his new stub hitting the wall behind him. He screamed once again and curled into the fetal position. Oh yes, the Shinigami would pay. Just as soon as he stopped crying.

Back with Deidara

Deidara was putting the finishing touches on his massive array of art – read: bombs – when they suddenly disappeared. Before Deidara could wonder what just happened he too disappeared. Or to be more accurate he felt himself fade from existence itself for a brief moment before suddenly being put back into place. Although, the place he was put into was not the place he left. What had before been a white room with a lot of explosives was now a very familiar room with no explosions. Deidara was in the office of the Tsuchikage. The last time he had been here he had stormed out on his mentor, the third Tsuchikage, and had never spoken to him again. The memory was still one of the most bitter he could recall. His mentor had always underestimated him.

"Sorry for the wait. I had a small snake problem to deal with."

Deidara turned his head towards the desk of the Tsuchikage to see Minato sitting in it looking at him placidly. Before he could think too much about it Deidara threw a bomb in the shape of a crane at Minato. Deidara was not going to let himself be intimidated again.

Faster than Deidara could ever hope to keep up with Minato faded from view and reappeared in front of him to deliver a sharp kick to the stomach that sent Deidara flying into the far wall of the room. Minato jumped slightly as the bomb went off behind him a few moments afterwards.
"Those little things pack a pretty impressive punch. Nicely done, Deidara. I wouldn't suggest trying to do that again though; I don't take kindly to being attacked."

Deidara held his midsection and looked up at Minato. "How…how did you do that? The last time I saw you I was sure you were weakened, hm. Every little detail pointed to it." Deidara had a look of disbelief on his face.

Minato scratched the back of his head. "So you figured it out huh? Well done. I thought I had done a very good job of covering my tracks but I suppose that's what I get for leaving you in an empty space with nothing to do but think."

"I did more than think. I had a trap prepared for you, but my bombs disappeared just before you arrived, hm," Deidara said, annoyed.

"Heh, sorry about that." Minato didn't sound very sorry. "I changed the value of this realm. Realms are planes of existence; the world we come from for example is a realm of the living. Each one has a certain value to it. In the same way jutsu is a mixture of chakra and other factors to create its value, a realm is a combination of different types of energy to form earth, water, and everything else within. It was blank before, kinda like my own which you were visiting earlier. However when a realm is changed everything that was in it is destroyed so that there are no issues with compatibility. On the other hand it wouldn't be good if souls were destroyed in this manner because if someone wants a soul gone they usually prefer the whole torture and suffering route rather than blinking anyone out of existence. So anyways, a soul in a realm such as this one get de-synced from space and time for a brief moment and then transported back to the exact middle of the world, which in this case I designed to be this very office." Minato looked around with a smug look on his face. "I think I did a very good job, personally speaking."

Deidara looked around and silently agreed with Minato. The office was much like he had last seen it with a few changes. There was no reason to doubt that this could possibly be the office as it was today.

"Well enough about me," Minato said, "This is about you. Get up and walk with me." Minato went to the door and pulled it open. He began to walk out towards the staircase which led outside without looking back to see if Deidara was following him. After a moment he could hear Deidara scurrying to catch up.

Deidara finally caught up outside of the building and his eyes widened in surprise. "What is this place?" Deidara demanded as he rounded on Minato.

Minato chuckled darkly. "This is Iwa, obviously. Don't you recognize it?" The look Deidara gave him answered his question. "I suppose you wouldn't. You could never have envisioned an Iwa where you actually mattered, after all. Welcome to the future!" Minato spread his arms out wide beside him and looked over to see Deidara still not understanding. Minato sighed. "What aren't you getting, Deidara?"

Deidara rubbed his eyes with his hands and opened them again. The sights in front of him did not change. Everywhere there were buildings that looked like drawings he had done when he was younger. Less crude than those, though. As if he had been given time to refine his ideas and to give them true majesty. "What is this lie?" Deidara questioned. His disbelief was apparent.

"No lies here. I promise," Minato said sincerely.

Deidara clenched his fist in rage. "Of course this is a lie, hm! I am dead, hm! In pieces! I cannot be standing in some grand version of Iwa years into the future, hm! You have not taken me into future, hm! What, did you think showing me lies would trick me? I am not that that far gone yet Namikaze Minato, hm!"

Minato shrugged. "Think what you like. You'll see soon enough." Minato continued to walk away from the Tsuchikage compound and Deidara followed behind him, not knowing what else to do.
The two of them walked in relative silence for several minutes as they both took in the sights of the supposed future version of Iwa. Minato stopped at random places to look at the architecture. He murmured random comments to himself that Deidara could have heard if he chose to listen in. He was too busy glaring daggers at the buildings. Someone had stolen his good ideas and made them better. No doubt they had taken sole credit for the designs as well. Finally they arrived at a massive marble building which had a name etched at the top. It was, apparently, the 'Art Institute of Iwa.'

"Nonsense," Deidara muttered. "They would never have a building dedicated to art in Iwa. They are savages here. The thought wouldn't occur to them, hm."

Minato gave Deidara a look of pity that the Iwa ninja was too preoccupied to see. "The tour isn't over. Let's take a look inside," Minato said as he walked into the building. Deidara was not far behind and after a moment Deidara's breath was caught in his chest as he looked at a dazzling array of artistic achievements all around him. One in particular, however, stood out.

It was the centerpiece of the gallery and there were several complex seals on the ground keeping the piece of art from harming anyone who wanted to get a closer look. It was a large rock that exploded once every twenty seconds and illuminated the enclosed areas with various colors that were created by the various angles the rock took when it broke apart. After a short time the rock would reform and soon explode all over again, this time in a different pattern so that the mixture of colors that formed was vastly different than the time before.

Minato looked at the exhibit's sign to the left and read the caption. "Art is an explosion. Huh, that's quite catchy."

Deidara's head snapped up at hearing those words and face contorted in rage. "Wh…Who dares to steal my words! My ideas! My art! Hm. This isn't fair, hm. This is my life's ambition, hm. It's mine!" Deidara screamed. His face was flushed and his chest was heaving and he looked on the verge of tears.

"You do," Minato said.

Deidara looked at Minato like he had two heads. "Excuse me?"

Minato pointed to the exhibit's sign. "Just read it."

Deidara glanced down and read the sign. "This is the sixth in the explosion line from Iwa's own Deidara, who rose to prominence sixteen years ago after the Fourth Great Shinobi War."

"W-what," Deidara stuttered out. His face was now pale and he was shaking. His mind couldn't comprehend what was in front of him.

Minato snapped his fingers and they were back in the Tsuchikage's office. The former Hokage calmly walked to the comfy chair behind the desk and sat down. He laced his hands in front of him and leaned forward giving Deidara a stern glare. "Welcome to your judgment."

The Shinigami looked down at his now empty bag of popcorn and frowned harshly. If he didn't know better he would think that Minato was getting paid by the hour with how long he was taking to judge that reject. The Shinigami had gotten excited with the prospect of reaping thousands of souls when he had first learned that Deidara had developed a technique to blow himself, and anyone in a large radius, up with a suicide technique. It had been a sour day for the Shinigami when he had taken Deidara's soul to the afterlife alone. He couldn't even manage to kill that brooding brat Sasuke. So the Shinigami had planned to take his frustration out on the closest thing Deidara had to a friend. When he could not locate any of Deidara's explosive clay to set on fire the day that Deidara had died, some weeks ago, the Shinigami had settled for Madara. Good times were had by all that mattered, and that list had precisely one person on it.

The Shinigami gave one last look of longing to his bag of popcorn before tossing it over his shoulder and licking his buttery hands clean. If Minato could not provide immediate entertainment then the Shinigami would have to find it elsewhere.

Elsewhere

Uchiha Madara suddenly turned around and threw a kunai. Madara remained still as his eyes darted back and forth for a few seconds before he closed both of his eyes in frustration. He was losing it and he knew it. It wasn't surprising that he was aware of the fact; he had lost it more times than anyone had bothered to count. Lose a game of tag as a kid, murder everyone. Lose a battle to his rival, murder everyone. Have his brother die, throw a party. Okay, so that last one was mostly because his brother dying had been all a part of the plan, but that isn't the point. The point is that when things go badly for Madara people tend to die. Also local cleaners that deal in bloodstains had seen a steady rise in profits over the years as more and more bodies turned up on beautiful white sheets and exotic white rugs. As pure coincidence Madara had, over the many years, bought out several such cleaning companies. All part of the plan.

Madara turned back around to see that Pain and Konan were both giving him peculiar looks. Madara coughed politely and sat back down in his chair. After a few moments of silence he began to drum his fingers against the stone table, content not to talk. He didn't like talking with these two. They liked to believe they were clever, and the most dangerous thing in the world next to a person who was actually clever was someone who thought they were. He knew the organization known as Akatsuki was living on borrowed time. Whatever borrowed time the organization had, the two in front of him had far less than that. Konan was too loyal to her childhood friend and Pain could only be manipulated so much. He had real power and real ideals. That wouldn't do. When Konan has ceased giving him lap dances that had been the end of her usefulness as far as Madara was concerned. It would be inconvenient for Pain to leave the organization, but he could make do without him. Well, without most of him at any rate.
Madara was brought out of his thoughts by his head unceremoniously crashing into the stone table he was seated at. Madara could not see it but he was sure those two ingrates across from him were once again giving him odd looks. Let's see what kind of looks they can give him when their eyes are plucked out and their bodies are stuffed for his amusement.

Madara rose his head off the table and was about to say something to cover for himself when his head was whipped down and impacted against the cold stone for a second time. He heard a feminine laugh and he looked up sharply to see Konan looking at him with a perfectly straight face, concern showing in her beautiful eyes. Then his head slammed back against the stone table yet again, causing a small crack to appear in the table's otherwise unblemished surface. He had always thought that meeting with Konan and Pain was a headache, but he had never meant it quite so literally before.

The Shinigami looked down at the Uchiha while grinning mischievously. This had been one of his better ideas, and that was saying something. The Shinigami understood perfectly that Minato's job sometimes required him to talk a lot, but he was not of the opinion that Minato should be so callous as to allow the Shinigami to run out of popcorn while watching what amounted to a preview. The Shinigami hated previews before the main feature, they ran far too long.

The Shinigami took a moment to palm the back of Madara's head and shove Madara's face forcefully back into the stone desk the moment Madara lifted his head. The Shinigami couldn't say he was surprised that Madara hadn't caught the hint after the first three times. The sadistic side of the Shinigami, which made up of roughly ninety-five percent of his total being, was hopeful that as Madara's head took more hits that he would be less inclined to see the growing pattern and still raise his head after each time it was planted into the table.

Madara looked at Pain and Konan as best he could and glared at them, which reached their chests. "Leave me." His voice was full of rage and while Konan and Pain did not like Madara that much they knew better than to cross him. They quietly left the room leaving Madara by himself, or so they believed.

"Shinigami," Madara murmured.

The Shinigami perked up. He was not used to being addressed directly.

"I know I cannot hear, see, or even feel you. In fact, part of me thinks that you aren't even really there. I stabbed that part of me yesterday for being weak."

The Shinigami rolled his eyes.

"That being said, I know you are here. So I want you to listen to me, Shinigami. You will not take me. I have surpassed you. You, however, are vulnerable. I know if you cannot take me then that means I am greater than you are. I just have to find a way to get you. I will get you, Shinigami. I always get what I want. So play with me all you wish, but Uchiha Madara is going to have the last laugh!" Madara let out a muffled cackle, his face still on the table.

The Shinigami's face was contorted in rage. In response to the god's obvious fury the room temperature lowered drastically and the air was suddenly much harder to breathe. The Shinigami bent down and gazed into Madara's single good eye.

"Think you are clever, do you mortal? Very well. Challenge accepted." The Shinigami rose back up to his full height and once again palmed the back of Madara's head which was still resting on the table. He proceeded to yank Madara's head off of the table and with as much force as he could muster slammed Madara's head back into the table.

Then several things happened.

The table broke apart on impact and Madara's face hit the floor a moment later with a sickening crunch. His mask broke into several pieces, some digging into his skin and some settling onto the floor around him. Blood spurted from Madara's face and started to drip onto the floor. Madara did not stir, although he cannot be blamed. He had just got his clock cleaned by the Shinigami.

"I was right," The Shinigami said quietly. "This is going to be a fun relationship."

Back with Minato

Minato now had Deidara's complete attention. It had only been moments since Minato had told him that he was now going to be judged but it had brought Deidara back to the present, away from the future Iwa that never was to be that had dominated his thoughts prior.

Deidara pulled up a chair and sat down in it calmly. Deidara looked up at Minato with remorseless eyes. "Then judge me."

Minato glared back at Deidara, not impressed with the look he was being given. "Very well. Deidara you have betrayed every confidence anyone has ever placed in you in pursuit of personal glory, vengeance, and what you have chosen to label as art. Not only are you a betrayer of faith but you spit on everything I feel life stands for. You are not honorable, nor respectable, and you have torn down everything around you just because you were not content with it. You have become a monster, Deidara, a cold-blooded monster. You allow your pride to be your guide. When others expected honesty from you, you lied. When others wanted sincerity, you chose to be snide. It finally all caught up with you, and you died. What do you have to say for yourself, Deidara of Iwa, before I pass judgment on you?"

"Yes I do, hm. It is easy for you to sit in your chair and attempt to judge me. Life was kind to you, hm. Life was easy to you, hm. You were born with natural talent and had everything handed to you. The people of your village adored you, hm. I was hated. All because I was different. They gave me nothing. Nothing, hm. You talk about loyalty, of trust, I was never given that. Never, hm. I do not regret anything about my life except that I could not kill those Uchiha bitches. Nothing."

Minato's gaze hardened when Deidara finally stopped speaking and Deidara sensed immediately that he had just made a grave error. In an instant Minato had leapt over the desk to deliver a right cross straight to Deidara's jaw, knocking him out cold.

When Deidara awoke he was in his childhood bedroom. Deidara tried to sit up but winced at the pounding headache he had.

"You deserve a headache," a voice said to Deidara's left.

Deidara looked over and saw Minato looking at him. The man was now in his famous white cloak that he wore after he was made Hokage. "What am I doing here?" Deidara asked.

"This is Purgatory," Minato said.

Deidara snorted, familiar with the old tales. "Bullshit."

Minato's cold blue eyes tore a hole through Deidara who had to fight off his mounting fear. He hated Minato with everything he had, but he feared him more.

"No bullshit," Minato said. "The truth is you probably deserve worse, but despite how horrible of a person you have become I have not abandoned the last of my mercy quite yet. This is a place where you have a chance to redeem your soul Deidara, and you can be assured that it is your last chance." The emphasis on 'last' was not missed by Deidara.

"Now what?" Deidara asked.

Minato appeared to smile at the question, although Deidara noted the smile did not reach his eyes, which had not gained any warmth.

"Well I like to consider myself an astute studier of how the human mind works. You are not, of course, the first member of your group to end up dead and I knew about you long before you died. So I had a lot of time to think about this, but ultimately the idea I have worked out for you didn't fully form until just a few hours ago." Minato paced around the room for a few moments, collecting his thought.

"Then an idea came to me. One of my better ones too, and that's saying something," Minato started again. "I am going to make you live your life until you get it right. You have so much self-pity and you use this self-pity to arm yourself against innocent people. That's not acceptable to me, Deidara. You have always sought the easy way out of life. No more." Minato never raised his voice, nor was it ever required. His words held a power all of their own.

Deidara could not, no matter how desperately he tried, tear his eyes away from Minato's blue orbs. There was something about the now pitiless eyes that kept Deidara's gaze locked with Minato.

"I don't think you are supposed to look at other men like that, Deidara," Minato joked. Instantly tension was broken and Deidara's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. His fear had been misconstrued for something else.

"Our time is growing short. I have a meeting with my accountant to discuss separating something and filling in something with something else. Honestly at this point I think I pay him just to shut up and let me leave the meeting," Minato muttered.

"You can't leave me. I don't know what I am going to do!"

Minato rolled his eyes. "The man says he hates me, now he is getting clingy. I am starting to wonder about you, Deidara."

"T-that's not what I meant! I don't know what I am supposed to do to pass this shitty test of yours, hm!" Deidara screamed.

"Exactly," Minato said.

"What does that even mean you bastard!" Deidara screamed, again.

"You always wanted the answers to life, didn't you? You had to be handed everything. That's not what life is about Deidara. Life is about learning for yourself. In life you make a mistake, learn from that mistake, and then realize later that the mistake which tore you up inside made you a better man. You are going to learn or you are going to be miserable forever. You aren't going to get it right the first time. Or the second. If you get it right in the first one thousand tries I would be shocked. As you continuously fail, you will be placed here once more to try again. As the eons pass and worlds go dark, so shall your memories distort, fade, and burn away. Once the outer layer of your existence is peeled away only the center, the soul, will remain. You will eventually succeed in the task and be freed, if your soul has goodness left in it. However, if your soul is as rotten as you appear to be, you will damn yourself" Minato paused for a moment, and when he spoke again the cold look had left his eyes and his demeanor had lost its hard edge. "I'll be watching you. Not often, but every now and again. I will either be smiling as you do better or be laughing at your failure. Either way I win, it is just a matter of if you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution."

Deidara appeared deep in thought after Minato finished talking. His eyes were downcast and a frown had worked its way onto his face.

Minato had no way of knowing what Deidara was thinking, but he could have given a pretty good guess.

After a long silence Deidara spoke. "So, which is it? Am I going to succeed or am I going to fail, hm."

"If I knew the answer to that question, you wouldn't be here," Minato answered.

Deidara looked up to retort but found himself alone. He shouted for Minato a few times but no reply ever came. Deidara sat on his bed for a long time and thought about what he was going to do. Eventually he decided that he did not need anyone else telling him how to do things. He tried to emulate his old life but slipped up a few days later, implying knowledge he had no way of knowing. His first death was for treason and it was a slow one. His second, third, and fourth were also for treason. His Nine hundred and thirty-third death was when he blew himself up trying to make a new type of clay bomb.

Deidara of Iwa was going to be busy for quite some time.

A/N: So this is basically my longest chapter to date and I am pleased with it. I wrote this in about four days time and it just felt right. Very little in the way of editing was required, which is always nice. I know some people weren't too in love with my previous chapter, but when I get all of the stuff that bogs down my mind out of the way I can have chapters like this. So I hope those who didn't find last chapter very good enjoyed this one. If not, as always leave a review and tell me how horrible I am. Or leave a review and tell me how awesome I am, I am not very picky when it comes to reviews, after all. Not much else to say since it hasn't been too long since I last updated. Of note in my personal live is that I turned twenty four nine days ago so I am now closer to my grave! Luckily for me I am a pal of the Shinigami so he should show me mercy. 'Cause you know, he is known for his mercy.

Edit Note: If you notice any small errors, like missing words, please do note them for me so I can catch them. I don't have my normal editor for this chapter and its quite big. I appreciate it.

Kiyomi-Chan7 - Well, while I am not one to have much cuddling in my story I did draw some inspiration from this review in certain parts of the last scene. I hope you enjoy them.

Poll of the Chapter: Who would you like to see make a cameo in the next chapter? It can be anyone in the entire canon of Naruto dead or alive. Most votes wins.

I really worked my ass off on this chapter for once, so please feel free to feed my ego with a good review or smash it with a bad one, but I'd really like to know what you think.

Until next time.

~ Chris