CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
A CHRISTMAS STORY
"Let's hear it for Nick!"
"To the man-er, kid of the hour!"
"You the man, kid!"
Back at Section 13, everyone was throwing a HUGE party. Streamers of every color hung from the ceiling, as a billion differently colored and shaped balloons littered the ceiling. The punch bowls were being dipped into over and over, as well as the various snack bowls, loaded with candies, chocolates, and Chex mix. There was a huge drink bar, and Nick was currently sipping a Shirley Temple with a lovely cherry in it.
"Slurrrrrp." He finished up the last of it just as Captain Black clapped him on the back again.
"Nick, you were amazing! The United States government, incidentally, wishes to deny that the whole incident happened, but they shipped us enough bonus funding to buy everyone Ferraris! Or was it Xiao who sent it?"
"I am one rich mother!" Xiao hollered, completely wasted. He and Drago had begun to make elaborate toasts with each drink, to true love, to French wine, to barstools to…"To Nick Grey! The Chosen something who…wooooooo…boy, I feel funny…"
"I think SOMEBODY needs to sober up." Nick snickered.
"Nugas!" Xiao muttered in Latin, which roughly meant "Baloney!".
"Uh oh. When Xiao starts muttering Latin in between his sentences, that's bad." Nick realized.
"You've had enough." The bartender told Xiao.
"Futue te ipsum!" Xiao muttered, which basically meant "Go f—k yourself".
"Here." He handed Xiao a twenty dollar bill. "Go get a taxi and head home."
Xiao took it and stuffed it in his pocket, with a cry of "To friendship! To generosity! To 20 bucks a handy!"
"Uh, what?" Nick mumbled.
Obviously he was NOT going to get a taxi. In fact, he fell backwards out of his barstool, landing on the floor. The Enforcers picked him up, Hak Foo being the last one. "Now what's the plan again?" Ratso asked. "Froggy pays Piper." Hak Foo reiterated. "Right. Now after we head for the dumpster, let's go get a beer."
Drago tossed back a corona. His posse was there as well, and Strikemaster Ice was right behind him, suggesting he should take a break from the drinks. To which Drago responded with a loud, rowdy song.
"Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them, but this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection! HIC! I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts, if burglars touch my property they won't leave there without a limp! Packing heat this Christmas, I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve, cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I beli-HOC! A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud, it says that "I will not take all of this bulls-HIC lying down"! I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts…I'll only tell you once "Stay the HOC away from my HIC-HIC-HIC"!!!" He then began hiccupping madly and his head hit the bar, as he dazed off into a stupor.
His posse lifted him up and grinned evilly. "Wait up, dudes!" Strikemaster Ice shouted to The Enforcers.
"Did you hear?" Sandi asked, giggling slightly. She and Shendu were sharing a root beer float together, which Shendu LOVED. It tasted almost as good as her lips.
"Hear what?" He asked.
"Dave Chappelle has a catchphrase, a new one based off a different one of his funny lines."
"It's not "I'm rich, b---h" anymore?"
"No."
"What is it?"
MANY MILES AWAY:
"Come on, Mr. Chappelle. Pay up your rent."
"What? Aw come on!"
"Pony up, Dave."
"I'm broke, n-gga!"
BACK TO THE PARTY!
"Let's drink to his memory then." Shendu said.
"But he's not dead."
"Yeah, but who knows for how long?"
After thinking over the question of "What kind of person is Dave Chappelle?", Sandi nodded and ordered another root beer float. The two took separate straws and stuck them into the drink, slurping up.
Meanwhile, Po Kong and Tohru were dancing to "Danke Schon".
"You dance divinely." Po Kong whispered. Tohru blushed.
Then somebody put on "Girlfriend", by Avril Lavigne. The dancers on the floor promptly began to bump and grind, and when you saw Tohru and Po Kong-
"WOAH! That is just WRONG! Care to join me in a super-loud "Hey whores"?" Bai Tsa inquired of Uncle.
And for the first time ever, Uncle didn't argue with a demon. "Absolutely." Uncle agreed, adjusting his glasses.
"One…"
"Two…"
"Three! HEY WHORES!"
Our two dancers stopped dry humping and parted, rubbing the back of their necks. Too bad, it was a good song too…
Hsi and Jade were talking as they drank sodas. "Can you believe it? Sandi really came back from the brink!" Jade said, laughing. "It's a miracle!"
"It truly is." Hsi admitted, looking into Jade's eyes. "She's walking, talking, drinking…"
Jade looked over at Sandi and Shendu. Her eyes widened. "Oh, add "snogging"…"
"Get a room!" Hsi yelled. Sandi and Shendu turned around, sticking their tongues out, showing the faintest traces of each other's spittle and root beer float foam before they went back to kissing.
"Heh-heh. Love is such a funny thing." Hsi remarked. "I'm glad Shendu found someone like her though…she's making him good, the way Nick made us know what it meant to be good." He realized. "And it feels…nice."
"Being good?" Jade asked.
"Yeah…and being cared about." He added. Jade smiled. "Hey, what are friends for?"
"It's too bad you really had to give up your powers to save Sandi." Kepler remarked. "I wanted to study you-"
"Cough-cough, takehimapart, cough-cough" Someone muttered. Kepler tossed the someone a nasty look.
"No more super strength." Dai Gui remarked.
"Or flight." Tso said sadly.
"Or endurance." Hao added.
"And no more elemental powers." King said finally.
"Yeah…" Nick brushed his hair back. "I feel…kinda weird, not having my powers anymore. Still, if I had to go back and make the same choice, I would have." He grinned over at Sandi, who was STILL macking away with Shendu. "She's alright. And to me, that's like an extra, early Christmas present!"
Suddenly the music, dancing and partying just stopped. Everyone gulped.
"Don't tell me." Nick said flatly. "You forgot about CHRISTMAS?"
"Well, what with the demonic attacks…" Captain Black began.
"And the Bell searching…" Jackie added.
"And the chaos in San Fran, we DID forget." King finished.
Nick rolled his eyes. It was a good thing he had planned ahead with HIS shopping, having already ordered his gifts online. They'd been shipped a little while back, and he'd carefully hidden them. "Well, you'll all have to go Christmas shopping, won't you?" He responded, sipping another Shirley Temple.
"…what's Christmas?" Shin asked.
Everyone face-planted.
AND THUS…LATER…
Everyone looked around the mall. Nick smiled. "Ah, nothing like the mall around Christmas time."
"The place is packed to the brim!" Jackie groaned.
"It smells funny." Sandi commented.
"I think someone just grabbed my ass!" Jade shouted.
"Someone just trod on my foot!" Tohru moaned, bounding up and down, holding onto his foot, making the immediate area shake as he hopped up and down.
"Well then, as the Romans say, "vae tibi"! Sucks to be you!" Nick laughed.
Sandi kissed Shendu on the cheek. All of the demons were, naturally, in human form. "Well I got something SPECIAL planned for you!" She said.
"Aw, they make a good couple." Xiao said, chuckling. "Can you imagine being married to her…or to Jade?"
Nick scratched his head. "Well, I guess…it would be kinda nice. I suppose it's doable."
"Oh, I'll tell you what's doable!" Xiao laughed, pointing both thumbs at himself.
"Very funny. God is watching, how many times have you been asked out this year?" Nick responded, poking his finger into Xiao's gut.
Xiao's tone became sour, and his lips taut. "…touché, Mr. Grey. Touché."
"Since I am all set present-wise, I'm gonna go do Christmas carols. I'll meet you all back at home later!" With a cheery two-fingered salute, he left them in the main entrance and headed for the front of the mall, out where several carolers had gathered. He greeted them cheerily and asked to sing. Since they were low on people and since it was Christmas, they agreed. Back inside…
"Let's split up." King suggested.
"Good idea." Uncle agreed. They divided up into pairs of two. King and Uncle went together, as did Jackie and, of all people, Shendu. Sandi and Hao went together, as did Bai Tsa and Valmont. Ratso and Chow were together, and Finn and Hak Foo were paired up. Po Kong and Tohru stayed together, while Dai Gui and Tso became a pair. Lastly, Hsi and Jade were a pair, and with that everyone walked off to go look for presents.
Shendu looked at Jackie Chan as the two entered a clothing store. Jackie decided that he was going to get Bai Tsa a new bra. "Er…um…" He asked nervously. Shendu was giving him a look like a vampire gives it's victim right before it strikes. "Er…what…is your sister's size?"
"I believe the correct term is…they're B…oh wait, she increased their size…they're C cups now." Shendu grinned evilly. Jackie gulped. He was really, REALLY afraid of Shendu, and for good reason.
"Well then, I'll get her th-this p-pair." He muttered, pulling down a light blue bra from the shelves. Shendu snickered. Jackie finally couldn't take it anymore. "What is so funny?!" He asked angrily.
"I already know what I'm getting her…a trained shark."
"…why?" Jackie wanted to know.
WHY:
"Wow, thanks again for inviting me to Valmont's house." Jackie said happily in his big red bathing suit. Bai Tsa sat by the pool with Shendu and smiled.
"No problem at all, Mr. Chan!" She said. As Jackie bounded up and down on the diving board, she turned and pulled out a walkie talkie from behind a cooler. "Wait for it…wait…"
"WAHOO!" Jackie jumped into the pool with a can opener. Bai Tsa grinned evilly at Shendu and gave the order through the walkie talkie. "Now! Now!"
Jackie surfaced in the pool and brushed his wet hair back. Suddenly he felt a tug. "Hey, something feels pinchy…WAAAA!" He was suddenly pulled back and forth by his leg as blood oozed up from the pool's bottom.
"Save me a leg!" Shendu requested of Bai, who nodded. "Save us a leg." She told the shark through the walkie talkie.
BACK TO REALITY:
Shendu's smile was enormous. Jackie was getting creeped out, so he went to the counter and pulled out his wallet. There weren't too many people in the store, interestingly enough. "Just this, please." He told the lady, who gave him a look when he put the bra down. The look got worse when Jackie realized that he was going to have to pay CASH, since he'd forgotten his credit cards.
It looked very bad.
"Perv." She muttered under her breath. Jackie tried to explain himself while Shendu began laughing madly. It got worse when Jackie tried raising his voice and security had to drag him out. Shendu was laughing all the way out of the store.
Meanwhile, Jade and Hsi were looking through books in a bookstore in the mall. "Hmm. Al Franken's "The Truth"…Nick will love this…but how about you get him "Lies and the Lying Liars who tell them" first?" "All right." Hsi agreed, pulling it off the shelf. "Who is this "Al Franken" anyhow?"
"Oh, he's a Saturday Night Live comedian. But he's also a political commentator. He's really famous."
Hsi looked through the book at the first couple of chapters. He noticed a name pop up: Ann Coulter. Reading through, he began to form an opinion of both people, Al and Ann. Al was smart, clever, and pretty funny.
Ann was a b---h.
"This woman sounds nasty." He said. "Ann Coulter, huh?"
"Oh, she's AWFUL. You know what she said about Islamic nations one day after 9/11?" Jade asked.
"What?" Hsi asked, although he didn't know what 9/11 was.
"She actually said "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity"."
Hsi looked a bit disgusted. "Sheesh, I thought you people were "civilized" now."
"Oh, she's a nut." Jade explained. "Hmm. How come there aren't too many people in here now?" She realized out loud.
It WAS odd. There had been a lot more people in the bookstore, now they were almost alone. Hsi shrugged. "Who knows? Ooh, I've read this book!" He said, pulling out from the shelves a copy of "Harry Potter". "Nick read it to us, at least the first one. Hmm. "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"…
Just across from them, Sandi and Hao sipped some Icees with Hsi and Jade sitting near them. Jade and Hsi were talking about what they were going to get Uncle for Christmas.
"Dead rat?"
"NO!"
"Dead goat?"
"NO."
"Dead fish?"
"No."
"Smelly old dog?"
"No pets. Uncle barely likes Scruffy."
Hsi rubbed his chin. "Hmm…I know! I'll go search for a copy of the Ars Goetia. He'd probably appreciate that."
"Ars Goetia?"
"It is an ancient book." Hsi exclaimed. "Solomon himself used the book to summon demons and spirits to help him build his famous temple…among other things. Several copies were made by powerful wizards. Nowadays people would probably think it's just junk, so if I search through an old bookstore…"
"Getting a present for your Uncle sounds easier than getting something for my Grandpa." Sandi mumbled. "He drives me nuts!"
"Well what's so bad about him?" Hao asked. "I mean, my grandpa tried to KILL my dad once. How awful could your grandpa be?"
LAST YEAR:
"Oh goodie! Christmas time again!" Sandi laughed, clapping her hands. "Maybe this year I'll finally be able to dye my hair! Or get that tattoo…" Her mother suddenly entered her room, looking serious. "What is it?" Sandi asked.
BGM: Grandpa's Last X-Mas
Mom saaaaiiid, "Put on your Christmas best.
Grandpa's come to our house this year and it might be his last."
Sandi moaned "Why Mom? You say that every time.
It seem that he's been dying…ever since I was nine!"
Her mom frowned, but Sandi went on.
"I don't mean no disrespect because he's old and mean.
But how come we invite him when he always makes a scene?!?"
Her mom looked disgruntled. "My father does NOT always make a scene."
"Tell me why does…he hit me with his cane?
And why should I get him a gift if he don't know my name?"
"Uh…"
"And how come he always calls me "Kate"?
And forgets his dentures on his dinner plate?"
Her mother sighed. "Look, Sandi…This could be Grandpa's last Christmas!"
That's what my Mother said!
"This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
And soon he might be dead, so be nice! Be nice to Grandpa!"
Sandi followed her mother downstairs, waving quickly to her Grandpa, who didn't even notice. She followed her mom into the kitchen, almost pulling at her hair.
"But MOM! What can I say to someone 300 years old?
When he seems so content staring at the Jello mold!"
"Sandi!"
"Please Mom, just let me go out and play,
or soon I will go deaf like him from hearing him complain!"
"Sandi, your grandpa's had to put up with a lot." Sandi's mother told her. "My parents had to work very hard to support me and my family!"
Sandi groaned, banging her head on the kitchen wall. Grandpa wheeled in on his wheelchair, drool hanging low from his mouth.
"I know, his life's been long and hard…
and he deserves some quiet peace…in a nice graveyard!"
"SANDI!"
Grandpa blinked. "Arctic Banana?"
"Look, Grandpa… I love you just the same…but I know you won't be happy 'til you drive us all insane!"
"Sandi! For shame! This might be Grandpa's last Christmas!"
That's what my Mother said!
"This could be Grandpa's last Christmas,
And soon he might be dead, so be NICE!
Be nice to Grandpa!"
"Yeah, yeah…" Sandi muttered, walking out of the kitchen. "Cuz he's old...and he smells…and he's gonna die soon..."be nice to Grandpa"."
Suddenly there came a loud "CRASH" from the kitchen. "Dad, don't throw the dinner plates!"
"BUBBLY DUCK!"
"DAD, NOT THE TREE!"
PRESENT:
Hsi, Jade and Hao all took it all in.
"Er…"
"Uh…"
"…okay, you win. Your grandpa was worse." Hao conceded.
"Is he dead yet?" Hsi asked.
"No." Sandi mumbled.
Hsi suddenly took off. Jade blinked. "Where do you think he's going?"
MEANWHILE…
Valmont was looking at a sleek, reliable piece of machinery that, it could be argued, all men needed. No, not a remote. A gun.
"Why are you going to buy a gun for Christmas?" Bai Tsa asked Valmont.
"It's not for me, it's for Sandi." He said.
Bai Tsa was pretty sure that girls as young as Sandi couldn't use weapons like that. "Isn't that illegal?"
"Not as of last week."
"Oh. Right. I can't keep up with all these liberal policies that keep getting passed here in San Francisco…"
Valmont paid the man at the counter for the .45 automatic and held it in his hands. It was gift-wrapped AND in a box. "Do you know how often people used to break into my parent's house?"
Bai Tsa shrugged.
"Many, many times. We were always rich, and being rich carries a curse…for there are always those who envy us. We were robbed several times, once on…on Christmas. I'll never forget it, waking up to find someone making off with all the presents that I had while he shot out the window…"
Bai Tsa felt a pang of pity rise in her. Christmas was supposed to be the one day on Earth where all beings were at peace with each other. Only humans and the worst of the worst broke that rule.
"So I'm buying a gun for Christmas. That way Sandi can protect herself." Valmont explained as they sat down to get a drink at the Orange Julius. "What do you plan on buying your family?"
"…hmm…I know! I'll get them some pets. Cuttlefish!"
Valmont blinked slowly. "Cuttlefish."
"Yep! They're very fascinating creatures." Bai Tsa told him.
"What if they don't like the cuttlefish as pets?"
"Then we can have a seafood fry-up." Bai Tsa said.
"…uh…I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back…"
As he went into the bathroom with the gun, (which he'd taken out of the box), he found that the Enforcers were also in the bathroom. How could he tell? The stalls were all taken, and after being around all four of them for so long, Valmont could recognize their voices, their shoes, and their smells. Especially Ratso's. He didn't like taking baths.
He went up to the urinal, a few urinals away from a man with fringy black hair that hung down. The man was pudgy, and had a mustache. He looked a lot like…
"Oh, you're Ron Jeremy!" He realized.
"Yeah. And you're Julian Valmont, right? I've heard a lot about you. You're one of the richest men in San Francisco!"
Valmont smiled. "Well, I don't like to brag, but…sayyyyy…you've got a nice shaft." He remarked.
"Thanks. I like yours too. Uh…can I touch it?" Mr. Jeremy asked.
"Only if I can touch yours."
The Enforcers ran out of the bathroom, screaming. Ron and Julian looked at them leaving and shrugged. Then Julian handed Ron the gun, while Ron handed Julian a new golf club he'd bought.
Well, what did you THINK they were talking about?
MEANWHILE…
"Well, this is easy." Tso said, with Dai right behind, holding all of their current presents in his arms. The problem was that the amount of the presents was disproportional to the demon in human form carrying them. Or, in layman's terms: Dai was doin' a balancing act while the presents towered over them. Shendu and Bai were also there, having managed to find THEIR gifts.
"Chan got me a wonderful present. Seeing him be beaten up by security was one of the best things I could wish for." Shendu laughed.
Suddenly Hsi approached them, panting and out of breath. "I have…a great gift idea…we could get…for Sandi. All…of us."
His siblings blinked. "What is it?" They asked. Tso suddenly realized he hadn't gotten
Sandi anything yet.
"So what shall we get her?" He inquired politely.
"Well…"
OUTSIDE…
"AUGH." Nick groaned. "Nobody's stopping to listen!" He complained. It was true. Some people were even booing. The carolers just weren't that good!
"Well what do YOU think we should sing?" The leader asked, annoyed.
Nick rubbed his chin. "Well, uh…"
"Hey! Nick!"
Nick looked up. Who of all people, but Drago and his posse? Only Drago was in human form still. And of course, his appearance made several of the women and men in the immediate area go "Ahhhhh" and "Ooooh" at the sight of his handsome face, wasboard abs, and finely developed buttocks.
That's right. Finely developed buttocks.
"Why on EARTH did you choose to use to look different?" Nick asked.
"I wanted the power that came with it. However, since I need to prove that I can be a nice guy, how about I help you all with attracting a crowd?"
"How?"
Drago whistled. Instantly his posse ran off, then came back with various rock instruments. "Shall we?" He asked.
Nick beamed. "Now this is gonna be off the hook!"
And so, a few minutes later…
"HELLO, SAN FRANSISCO!" Nick yelled into a microphone as a large crowd had gathered outside. The posse had set up a huge stage and were all on different instruments. Drago and Strikemaster Ice were on electric guitars, DJ Cobra was on the drums, and MC Fist was on the bass. The carolers had grabbed instruments like trumpets and cymbals since they were interested in contributing as well. "LET'S ROCK AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE! ONE, TWO, HERE WE GOOOOO!"
And so it began!
BGM: Oi to the World, as sung by No Doubt
Haji was a punk just like any other boy, T'was a cold Christmas eve when Trevor and the skins If God came down on Christmas day, Haji was a bloody mess, he ran out through the crowd, If God came down on Christmas day On the roof with the nun chucks Trevor broke a lot of bones… Police sirens wailing, a bloody dying man,
And he never had no trouble till he started up his oi band,
Safe in the garage or singing in the tub,
Till Haji went too far and he plugged in at the pub!
Popped in for a pint and to nick a back of crisps!
Trevor liked the music but not the unity,
He unwound Haji's turban and he knocked him to his knees!
I know exactly what he'd say!
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!
He said "we'll meet again we are bloody, not unbowed"!
Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet:
Christmas day, on the roof, down at 20 Oxford street!
I know exactly what he'd say!
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!
But Haji had a sword like that guy in Indiana Jones!
Haji was alone and abandoned by his band!
Trevor was there fading and still so full of hate…
When the skins left him there and went down the fire escape!
But then Haji saw the North Star shining more than ever, If God came down on Christmas day,
Oi! Oi!
So he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor!
They repelled down the roof with the rest of the turban,
And went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon!
I know exactly what he'd say!
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!
If God came down on Christmas day,
I know exactly what he'd say!
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!
Oi! Oi!
The crowd burst into applause. The posse all bowed. Nick looked over at Drago. "Have you ever considered a career in music?" He asked.
Drago thought about this. "Hmm…actually, when I was younger, I wanted to be Elvis. I would be "Regent, Rock Star"."
"Your birth name's "Regent"?"
"Regent Valmont."
Nick laughed. "Ha-ha! Your mom and dad sure had high hopes! Well thanks for helping me out. Say, I almost forgot! If I saw you, I was going to give you this…"
He pulled something out from his backpack. "Here." It was a small box. "For you and your "homies" to enjoy."
Drago took it in his hands. It had a slightly messy wrapping job, but the big silver bow and hand-written Christmas card taped to it screamed "I care". He smiled warmly. "Hey…thanks. What do YOU want for Christmas?"
Nick looked back inside the mall, rubbing the back of his head. "…something you can't wrap." He finally said. "And it'll take a miracle for both of the things I want to happen…"
ELSEWHERE...DOWN IN HELL…
Lucifer was plucking away at a keyboard to a piano whilst Satan and Lillith sat on a couch in the infernal lounge they were in. He was playing a nice version of "I Saw 3 Ships".
"I saw 3 ships come sailing in on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day, I saw 3 ships come…sailin' in, on Christmas Day in the moooorning! And what was in those…ships all three, on Christmas day, on Christmas daaay, oh what was in those ships all three…"
Satan began mocking his singing by doing deliberately bad lip-syncing. Lillith started giggling. Lucifer turned around and glared. That shut them up. He went back to playing on the piano.
"On Christmas Day in the morning! The Gentle Lady and Son were there, on Christmas day, on Christmas Daaaaay, the Gentle Lady and Son were there, on Christmas…"
"PFFT!"
"Hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha!" They were now making funny faces at Lucifer, who turned around and bared his teeth. They shut up AGAIN.
"On Christmas Day in the mooorning! And let us all rejoice, okay, on Christmas yes, on Christmas day…"
The two Lord Demons began snickering madly, now mocking Lucifer by farting in sync. Don't ask how they can do it. It's a demon thing. And it was disgusting.
"And let us all rejoice okay, on Christmas day in the-"
FRAAAAAP! A huge one rippled through the room. Lucifer hopped off the chair he was in and cracked his knuckles at them. "I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE. SHUT UP!!!"
They suppressed their laughter (barely) as Lucifer turned back to the piano and hopped into the chair. Then they started laughing madly again.
"On Christmas day in the morning! Lucifer is getting pissed, on Christmas eve, on Christmas eeeeeve…"
They were STILL laughing and not paying attention. You could see Lucifer's teeth grinding.
"Lucifer is getting pissed, on this dear Christmas eeeeeve. Lucifer got up and smushed the jerks, on Christmas Eve, on Christmas Eve, Lucifer went and crushed the jerks on THIS DEAR CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE!" With that, he leapt up from his chair, grabbing the piano and hoisting it over his head. He rushed at Satan and Lillith and slammed it onto them as they screamed, burying them in the couch. Satisfied, he walked off to get a hot chocolate.
BACK INSIDE…
"Well, how did everyone do?" King asked. They'd all gathered at the main entrance. Everyone had bought gifts for one another, credit cards had been maxed out, wallets emptied, the works. Jackie however, hadn't gotten all of his gifts…
"Okay, explain again why they sicced guard dogs on you?"
"They thought I was a pervert. Then when I said "I'm not a pervert" they began asking all sorts of strange questions, like if I loved my country."
"Go on, go on." King asked, sipping some green tea.
"So I said "stop treating me like a terrorist". Then they REALLY went nuts. They made me take off my underwear!" Jackie groaned. "Then they brought the dogs out…"
"I'll have to pay them a…visit." King hissed slightly. He was so angry he didn't notice that he was cracking the cup of green tea he was drinking. It shattered in his hands. "Oops." He remarked.
Then Jade said something that made them all stop and think.
"How come there's nobody else here?" She asked.
Everyone was quiet as they looked around. The mall was…deserted. Odd.
"What time is it?" Jade asked.
Jackie checked his watch. "It's-oh dear." His eyes widened. "The mall was supposed to close early today, at…"
CLICK!
WOOMP-WOOMP-WOOMP! All the lights and power went out.
"8 PM…and it just turned 8." Jackie groaned. "Oh…bad day…"
Jade shrugged. "We're locked in, but can't one of you guys can just break a door down, right?" She asked the demon family.
The demons all looked nervously at each other. "Child, we…cannot do that." Tso spoke. "The fact is…tonight is Christmas eve, and…our powers are removed from us until after tomorrow…"
"It's part of the rules." Hao explained. "And since my powers are tied into my spirit, I can't help either."
Jade turned to Uncle, Tohru and King. "Well, what about a chi spell?" She asked.
"Uncle does not carry puffer fish in paaaants!"
"I broke my newt." Tohru mumbled.
"I'm afraid that I…" King lowered his head. "I have run out of magic power. I used it up. Today was supposed to be a day of recuperation, to get my powers back. Even we mages need to take breaks once in a while."
"Well…er…" Jade looked nervously around the dark, empty mall. "Then Nick'll have to get us out. I'll just call him up on my cell phone!"
She reached into her pocket and pulled it out. The signal was…nonexistent.
"CRAP." Jade complained. "And Nick said he was gonna meet us back at home!"
They all sat around their table, sighing. The stores were closed, they had no powers…and they were all hungry. As they sat there, waiting for sleep to overtake them, Dai Gui's stomach grumbled.
"Dai Gui is hungry!" He complained.
"So am I, but you don't hear me complaining-" Tohru began.
GRUUUUUMBLLLLLEEEE! His stomach roared even more loudly than Dai Gui's stomach. Tohru moaned and grabbed it. "You traitor you!" He yelled at it.
GRAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR! Po Kong's was just as loud. "SHUT UUUUUPPPP!!!" She yelled at it.
They all groaned as their stomachs grumbled. Where was Nick? What could they do?
Finally Shendu spoke up. "I think we should eat Chan."
"NO." King growled.
"Don't even think about it." Uncle snarled.
"Stay away from me!" Jackie said, jumping to his feet and getting into a fighting position.
"THAT'S ENOUGH." Tso shouted. It made them all jump. "Now, normally I'd love to nibble on Chan, but this is not the time or place. We're going to have to work together if we want to get something to eat." He pointed at Tohru. "You. Sumo. You and my brother Dai Gui lift that grating up." He pointed at the large grating that blocked them all from going to where the food booths were.
They walked over and tried lifting it up. But it was very strong.
"ERRR…CAN'T…LIFT…"
"Too…heavy! Dai Gui…losing…sight…"
"Let us help them." Tso said, walking calmly over to them. Everyone looked at each other, then nodded. They went over to different parts of the grating, doubling up in pairs again. "On the count of three!" Jackie shouted. "ONE…TWO…THREE!"
They all lifted. The grating broke. They all cheered and jumped over the counters, going into the food booths and restaurants that had been blocked off, bringing a huge feast back to their table. Soon…
"To teamwork!" Jackie said, raising a "Fruit2O" into the air. Shendu raised a "Heineken" up. "To teamwork." He agreed. Everyone clinked their drinks, and then proceeded to gorge out on corn dogs, pizza, Chinese food and burgers.
"Too bad Nick's not here!" Jade muttered, mouth half-full with General Tso's chicken.
Speaking of Nick…
Nick lay back on the couch in the living room at Valmont's house, looking at the chimney. He'd left Drago and the others with a cheery farewell and had gone back to the house, putting up stockings for everyone in the house, even the demons and himself. He now looked at the fire as it burnt slowly. He suddenly felt a sudden chill and looked outside a window…
It…it was snowing. Nick walked outside and looked up. Big flakes cascaded from the dark sky, falling down like ballerinas that were twirling from the heavens. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. Looking up into the sky, it was if little cold stars were almost falling down around him, and the effect of looking up was sort of like staring into hyperspace.
Snow. In San Fran.
"It's a miracle." He realized. God had granted one of his Christmas wishes. He instantly bolted, running as fast as his legs would take him. He found himself back at the mall after taking a late bus, and ran up to an opened door in the side. He saw the others at the food court and went up an escalator, waving his arms rapidly above his head as he approached.
"GUYS! GUYS! Look!" He pointed to his shoulders and hair as he reached the table they were all gorging themselves at. "It's SNOWING! It's really snowing!"
Jade gulped down the piece of corn dog she'd been eating. "Uh…how'd you get in?" She asked. "The mall's closed down."
Nick looked around. Sure enough, the lights and power were all off. "Oh. Well, the janitor's entrance was open. Wanna go outside?"
They all looked at each other. Then at the food in front of them.
"…you know…" Shendu said suddenly. "Let's finish up dessert first."
"Good idea." Jackie said. "Hey Nick…have some kettle-corn, we've got lots!"
Nick blinked a few times. Then he smiled broadly. "Sure." He said. "Why not?"
God had granted both of his wishes. Now how often did THAT happen?
Yep…I'm one lucky kid…
"You know…" Nick remarked as he sat down next to Jade and Hsi, "Christmas really brings people together. I'm glad it does."
"Still, don't expect this to be the norm." Shendu muttered. "I'm only being this nice to Chan because it's Christmas. I don't think I could stand having to LIVE with him."
"The feeling's mutual." Jackie remarked. "Still…we can have tonight, right?"
"…tonight…we can be tolerant of each other." Shendu admitted. "Now then…would you be so kind as to pass that kettle corn?"
Author's Note:
I love Christmas. Why? Simple…because of what it stands for.
Christmas means one great thing…people joining each other and acting in the best way they could. People become the best they can be around Christmas. The good will, the caroling, the presents…all of it cultivates a general mood of "Hey, how ya doin', folks". It's a beautiful feeling.
And in this chapter, I also wanted to show something. That all it takes for the worst of enemies to get together is just one day, just one set of circumstances. It's a nice little picture, isn't it? All of them sitting around a mall table, eating and laughing and talking to each other. Imagine as the scene pans out, showing the mall being gently snowed upon…perfect Christmas special material. I love that sorta stuff.
However, this chapter is going to set up something big…something that will force several relationships to develop, and FAST.
What could do that? Well…
Ever see the Scrubs episode "My Big Bird"?...
"Is that all?!? No evil schemes or plots? Come ON! I wanted to have some fun, I even made a list!" Xan complained.
"Did you...check it twice? Heh-heh-heh..."
"Listen "Lucy", SHADDAP."