She hates those silly sounds.
"Hey c'mon let's get something to eat."
"You're buying!"
It's late at night, and the moon hangs low, and there are couples on her way; Every one is paired with every one; holding hands, walking by, leaning into one another; sharing moonlight kisses and silly sounds all around.
"Why are you like this?"
"I think this was a mistake."
She scoffs and grunts, hurrying up and walking inside the apartment, pouring herself something to drink, she is trying to lose herself in the swirl of the beverage, the soft and bitter taste coming from it, trying to make a full glass fill her heart, drive away the dreams, the sense, the despair and search for something to occupy my mind from the thoughts plaguing it late at night.
"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU!!"
"Fine Asuka, as you wish."
But as she lays her head down on her pillow, she can't deny it; he is in her head; his voice, his eyes, his face; the way he walks and talks and how he bows his head. He is tangled in her dreams, swimming in her thoughts…swimming forever in her heart and soul.
"This is Asuka, you know what to do, BEEP!" "Asuka, it's me, I…I… (sigh) " click
She hates those silly sounds; but somehow the sobbing just won't stop.
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She loves holding hands.
She has never liked public displays of affection.
"EEWW! Get away from me! Your stupidity might be contagious!"
She is a well guarded keeper, always keeping her feelings at bay; it's easier to be angry and to lash out rather than to let some one in, and she rationalizes it by thinking that, if you rely on nobody, then nobody can hurt you.
It also means you will have no one but yourself to blame.
"I can live alone I don't need you. I'll live alone. I won't cry anymore."
She has been fighting a never-ending battle against everything in her life, her mother, her father her memories.
Herself.
"I don't like boys. I don't like you. I don't like mommy and daddy. I don't like ANYBODY!"
So when she finally broke down and cried, when she finally freed her self, when she finally accepted that yes she does care, yes she does feel and YES! DAMMIT I DO LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT! A new situation came to her life, a potential new problem that seemed to arise.
"I don't wanna be alone…"
She prefers privacy when it comes to showing how much she really cares.
"If you go, then nobody will protect me, nobody will be with me."
But right now, as she looks at the night sky slowly giving way to the morning hues, as she feels her aching eyes, irritated and red, stop shedding tears, and as his face first, then his deep blue eyes, and then his lips fills her every sense, she smiles softly, deciding that maybe, just maybe she can change.
Not a lot, of course, but a little bit...Maybe...With the right people.
One step at a time.
And she'll start by holding on to his hands and never letting go of them.
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AN: This one was actually written simultaneously as Session 30th so...yeah...the love part should have been on that same one to give it a sense of completion, but somehow it came out only after I had already u/l the file into the doc manager.
Anyway...