Chapter 36

I leafed through a book on shipwrecks while they slept. I heard a step on the stair and I tuned and found Sam staring at me. I placed the book on the table.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

Sam shrugged and entered the room. He took the chair opposite of mine. I reached over and placed my hand over his.

"You can't save everyone," I whispered.

"I know," Sam conceded. "Dean was saying the same thing earlier."

I studied him for a moment. "These last two deaths were related?" I asked.

"They were brothers," Sam answered. "They were both night diving and they saw the same ship. In fact I can't figure out what they and Sheila had in common."

"How did this one die?" I asked.

"He drowned in his car," Sam told me. "It was freaky Kelsey. The ghost was unstoppable."

"It sounds like it," I observed. "Did you get a good look at the ghost?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "Later I'll search through the materials and see if I can identify the ship and the ghost. Maybe that'll lead me to the reason."

"Maybe it will," I agreed. "But there's something else that's bothering you."

Sam's eyes met mine. "What if I can't save my brother?" he whispered hoarsely.

I took a moment to consider his question. It was one that I had heard before.

"You will have to face the consequences of things that are beyond your control," I replied.

"I won't accept that," Sam shook his head. "I won't let him go to Hell for me. I won't let him die for me."

I sat forward and placed my hand on his cheek. "There are things that cannot be undone Sam," I rubbed my hand gently.

Sam pulled away from me. "This isn't one of them."

"Don't trust Ruby," I warned.

"Why not?" Sam demanded.

"She has her own agenda," I said. "You may think that you can use her, but at what cost Sam?"

He stared at me perplexed and then his eyes cleared. "You're saying that she's willing to use me for her own ends," he nodded. "I already know that."

I sat back in the chair. "What does Dean want you to do?" I asked.

"He wants me to stop," Sam looked away from me.

"Why not honor his wish?" I probed.

Sam was silent and he stared at me with tear filled eyes, "I can't."

"Neither could he," I stood and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I glanced up as I sensed that Dean was listening. He shook his head and sat in the nearest chair. Sam merely buried his face in my midsection. I held him until he had gathered himself.

Dean wiped his face in his hands and stood.

"Sammy?" he called when he saw that Sam had regained his composure.

"Yeah?" Sam answered as he released me.

"Everything all right?" he came forward.
Sam quickly stood and I got out of his way.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Sam asked.

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "No reason," he nodded.

I stared at them in awe. I suppressed the urge to smack them both.

"What's wrong Kelsey?" Dean looked at me.

"My hands are itching," I said.

Dean's eyebrow rose even further. "Should I worry?" he wondered.

"Maybe," I replied. "Are the both of you awake now?"

"I think we'll get some more sleep," Sam said. "Night Kelsey." He walked out of the room and back up the stairs.

Dean remained rooted to the spot.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I have my reasons," he said.

"I figured that you had your reasons," I snapped. "My problem is that the two of you still haven't actually spoken about this."

"We've spoken," Dean refuted.

"I don't think screaming at each other counts as speaking," I retorted.

"You were present?" Dean demanded.
"I don't have to be," I waved my hand. "I know the two of you very well."

"That's the downside to raising us," Dean muttered.

"Hey!" I admonished.

"Sorry Kelsey," Dean sighed. "I wish that he was okay with this."

"You weren't okay with what your dad did," I leaned against the table. "Why would he be when you've gone and done the same? He loves you as much as you love him."

Dean looked up at me, "I know."

I stared at him and he smiled ruefully.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll think about it." He returned upstairs.

I remained where I was by the table and closed my eyes for a moment. I thought of all the times that I had wanted to take a shovel to John's head. I thought of all the times I had threatened him physical violence and the times I had actually come close to harming him. I didn't feel that way with either Sam or Dean. I pondered my feelings and wondered if my patience with them was as a direct result of having raised them. I remembered Clara. The child she had been and the woman she became. But with her it had been different. Her own family had turned her out so I had chosen to shelter her. I took on a human life for as long as she had needed me to be there for her. Once she entered the convent it had been a simple matter of discarding that life and visiting her to ensure that she was fine.

Sam and Dean had needed more from me than she had. Their lives were on a different path and the choice before me had been simple. Walk away or get involved. I had opted to get involved which led me to this abandoned house and my perch on a table. I sighed heavily and waited for sunrise. I finally picked myself up from the table and went in search of what supplies they had in the house. I realized that there was no food and left to get something.

I was gone about fifteen minutes. I turned the lock of the door and was confronted by both of them. I frowned at them.

"What?" I was puzzled.

"We were just about to call you," Sam said.

"I got food," I held up the bags. "You've become cranky without your coffee."

"That's not it," Dean took the bags from me and found the coffee. "You weren't here when we finally woke."

I suppressed a grin. "I'm not normally there," I pointed out.

"You are if we go to sleep and you're there," Sam said.

"You were worried?" I frowned.
"Look," Dean leaned against the wall. "With all the things that have been happening. We don't know what you're vulnerable to."

"I see," I nodded. "You're concerned that I'll land into trouble that I can't get out of."

"Something like that," Sam shrugged as he took a cup of coffee from Dean. He stared at the coffee for a moment. "Why didn't you just tell us where you were going?"

If he hadn't such a forlorn expression on his face I would have laughed.

"Sam," I shook my head. "You have to be careful with that lost puppy dog expression of yours."

Dean shrugged and Sam grinned at me.

"What are you going to do now?" Sam asked.

I scratched my head for a moment, which elicited laughter from Dean. "I'm not sure…I'm certain that there must be something to do," I forced my face to appear innocent.

"We're going to continue searching for the wreck," Sam said. "If you wanted to hang around, I don't think that we'll mind."

"How are you going to search?" I asked.

"Well," Dean chuckled. "Sammy's gonna have his head in a book and I'm gonna clean my gun."

"Yeah," Sam turned to his brother. "That sounds about right."

"Hey," Dean's grin widened. "Face it, you're much better at looking at stuff in books and I'm better at fixing things."

Sam shrugged. "True," he admitted. "That's why we're such a good team."

Dean's face sobered but he remained silent. Sam nodded as he grabbed some food and went to one of the research books. Dean stared at him for a few moments.

"You know Kelsey," he said quietly. "If you want to bail, I won't hold it against you."

"I'm not sure that you won't kill each other while I'm gone," I whispered.

Dean's eyes met mine. "Don't worry," he smiled.

I nodded although I was quite worried. Dean grabbed some food and followed Sam into the other room. I perched on the nearest chair and watched them do exactly what Dean had said. Sam busied himself rifling through material related to shipwrecks in an attempt to discover the ship while Dean first checked the weapons and when he was certain that they were in full working order he began going through his phone.

Sam meanwhile flipped through the pages of the latest book on shipwrecks with his back to his brother. The laptop lay on the table closed with the modem plugged in so that he could check anything he found in the book on the Internet. Dean had one foot on the table nearest to him and was engrossed in the phone. I was amazed by the deafening silence that hung between them.

Suddenly that silence was broken by a knock pounding on the front door. Both of them became alert and Sam closed the book quickly and reached for the back of his pants while Dean closed the phone and picked up his gun from the table. Sam barely glanced at his brother however there was a signal between them. Dean made his way cautiously to the door. I could guess at the thoughts that traveled through their minds. They had no way of knowing who was at the door. It appeared to be an abandoned house, but what if it was not quite as abandoned as they had first thought? Dean went to the opening in the door that would let him know who was knocking. He opened it and looked through it. He made a wry face and looked over at Sam who had his gun aimed at the front door. Dean looked over at Sam and he lowered his weapon as Dean unlatched the door and opened it to admit the person who was there. It was Bella. Dean lowered his head, as he was quite displeased to see her as was Sam and to be perfectly honest, so was I. Bella walked through the door and seemed thoroughly pleased that she had found them. While it was obvious that both Sam and Dean appeared to contemplate the merits of actually shooting her at that moment in time as opposed to discovering why it was she had actually tracked them their present location.