A/N: I always thought Sakon looked awfully nondescript for such an important character.

Also I just hit 100k words. Aw hell yeah.

––

Dawn of
THE FINAL DAY
-24 Hours Remain-

At the crack of dawn, Pichu teleported himself and Clefairy to the Snowhead Temple in order to bring spring to the mountains yet again. The two of them quickly maneuvered their way to the top floor of the temple before wandering into the chamber where Terrakion was frozen.

"Let's see, paradox, paradox…" Pichu said to himself as he melted the ice and the giant robot started to boot up. "Ooh hey! Robot guy! Did you know they call it French toast even though there is no France in this universe?"

Terrakion just stared at him. "RESPONSE NOT FOUND. TARGET APPROACHING CRITICAL ANNOYANCE LEVELS. PREPARING DISEMBOWELMENT PROCEDURE 1A."

"Give me that," Clefairy snarled, grabbing the Great Fairy's Sword and driving it through Terrakion's cranial processing unit. It let out a violent shower of sparks before collapsing in a heap of scrap metal.

With the death (again) of Terrakion, Pichu and Clefairy were returned to the Mountain Village as the snow was melted and the pond was unfrozen. As it happened, five little Politoeds were sitting on lilypads in the pond, seemingly waiting for Pichu to arrive.

"We have been waiting for you, Don Gero," said the one in the center, the only one Pichu hadn't run into yet. "Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but you seem a lot uglier and smellier than I recall. And you have an undeniable air of obnoxiousness to you. It makes me want to punch you in the face for some reason."

"Oh, stop, you flatter me," Pichu said coyly.

"Well, in any case, the long winter has finally ended and spring has come to these mountains. Let us begin our chorus!"

"What? Uh, okay…"

Pichu awkwardly started conducting the frog chorus as they sang their song. It wasn't that good, considering the acoustics were lacking and it was obvious none of the members had had professional vocal training.

"The conducting was spectacular, and all of our members rose to the occasion. Let us do it again sometime," said the lead Politoed.

Clefairy stared at Pichu incredulously. "…That was it? We wasted all this time bringing these assholes together just for THAT?!"

"Heh heh, yeah, looks like it. …Um, I'm getting the feeling I should get us out of here before you kill me."

"That would be correct. …But you know, I just remembered something," Clefairy realized. "Heatmor was walking across the lake when we first met him, right? But you just thawed out the lake."

"What's your point?"

––

Heatmor was lying at the bottom of the lake, having sunk due to his density. "Praise be to the gods, for surely they are just and fair."

––

"Okay, and our last stop is Ikana!" Pichu declared as they arrived at the titular barren wasteland. "Luckily I have my magical statue-making song this time, so I can skip all the obnoxious dead people and go right to the fun part."

"Killing stuff?"

"Killing stuff."

No sooner had they spoken than the door of the Music Box House came flying open and a screaming Skitty came running out, followed closely by her half-Dusclops father, staggering out with a glazed expression and looking very much like he wanted to eat her brains.

"…Oh, fine. I'll save one person, but mostly I wanna kill people," Pichu said impatiently, playing the Song of Healing. In a flash, the Loudred had been transformed back to normal once again, leaving Skitty to stare at him in disbelief.

"P-Papa? Is that really you?" she cried.

"Yep, it is! I just saved him with this magic song," Pichu said proudly. "Of course, now the Dusclops will know he's not one of them, so instead of trying to get him to join them they'll probably just suck his brains out and then yours. Well, tootles!"

He marched off with a merry whistle as Skitty and her father found themselves surrounded by the Dusclops who had been patrolling the house. "I've known that boy for ten seconds and I already hate him."

––

Navigating the Stone Tower was just as painful as it had been the first time, especially since Pichu had to flip the temple again in order to open up the portal that led to the boss fight. As he dropped through it, he found himself back in the sand-blasted desert, and he didn't have to wait long before both the red and blue Scolipede had suddenly come bursting out of the ground and circling above his head.

"All right, let's see how fast we can make this," Pichu muttered, slapping on the Giant's Mask and shooting back up to his gargantuan proportions. "QUAKE IN FEAR, YOU MORTAL FOOLS! IT IS I, PICHU, COME TO DELIVER JUDGMENT UPON THEE! KNOW MY MIGHT OR ELSE – "

"Please stop existing. It's really annoying," the red Scolipede cut him off, jabbing him with a Poison Tail.

"Owwww! Why'd you do that, you b*tch?!" Pichu whined, throwing a deadly temper tantrum that ended with him pounding both giant bugs into the dust.

"Even when he wins, I hate myself," Clefairy sighed.

––

Night of the Final Day
-12 Hours Remain-

"Pichu, we have to get back to Clock Town now. We're running out of time," Clefairy said urgently as the last traces of sunlight began to fade from the sky.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Just let me… woah. Where are we?"

He had been running in the wrong direction along Ikana River, and suddenly he and Clefairy found themselves in a closed-off area high above the river next to a large stone wall. There appeared to be a boulder-sized stone door set into the wall, but there was no obvious way to open it.

"What in the – what are you two doing here?" Pichu and Clefairy turned around to find none other than Riolu staring at them from where he'd been crouched in hiding behind a rock. "Don't let him see you! I've finally found it… I've found Sneasel's hideout."

"Huh? Oh, yeah… Scrafty did say his hideout was somewhere in Ikana," said Clefairy as she and Pichu hurried behind the rock next to him. "You're still going after your wedding mask?"

Riolu nodded slowly. "He came to the shop last night, trying to sell my mask, and I followed him here. His storage for the things he's stolen is on the other side of this rock door. The Sun's Mask is surely in there." He gazed over at the door in anticipation. "Only Sneasel can open that door… the only way in is to wait for him to arrive."

"Heh. Wanna bet? Check this out!" said Pichu, putting on the Pignite Mask and hurling a massive Powder Keg at the door. The ensuing explosion blew apart the entire cliff face and left a wide gaping hole leading inside.

"What the – who's there?!" demanded Sneasel, who had been a few yards away and a matter of seconds from entering. "Oho… it's that kid I stole that mask from! Come to take back what I took from you fair and square, huh? I don't think so!"

"You're welcome," Pichu said proudly as Riolu resisted the urge to strangle him and Sneasel raced inside the hideout.

"Both of you, come on! We have to stop him before he gets away!" Clefairy shouted, yanking Pichu's mask off and dragging him and Riolu inside after the thief. The room they entered was made of stone walls and had two metal doors leading further in, but the intruders were more interested in the mask encased in a glass box in the middle of the room.

"Ah! It's the Sun's Mask!" cried Riolu as he saw the mask, which resembled the face of a Solgaleo. He raced over to grab it, only to step on a hugely conspicuous switch in the middle of the floor. The instant he did, alarms started blaring, red lights started flashing, and a hole opened up in the back wall as the Sun's Mask was sent backwards on a conveyor belt into the next room.

"YES! I'm not the one who screwed up!" Pichu cheered.

"No! I have to get that mask back!" Riolu shouted, racing toward the door on the right that had just opened up, only for it to slam shut again as he stepped off the switch.

Riolu turned to glare at Pichu. "You! You got me into this mess! Hurry and step on that switch!"

"What? I didn't do jacksh*t, you little – " Pichu was cut off as Clefairy grabbed him and slammed him headfirst onto the switch. The door rose up again, and Riolu raced inside the next room that had four large statues inside of it.

"No…" he gasped as he saw all the way down to the end of the conveyor belt. It led directly into a large hole. "He's trying to pull it out of our reach and make his escape! We have to hurry!"

"We're still stuck behind the door, dingus," Clefairy called over.

"What? Oh no – " Riolu quickly pushed one of the statues on top of a floor switch in the middle of the room, causing the door on the left side of the entrance room to rise up. Pichu and Clefairy rushed through into the next room, on the opposite side of the conveyor belt from Riolu.

"Out of the way, fiend! I'm helping this guy I just met for the promise of a large monetary reward!" Pichu shouted, charging at an attacking Carnivine and slicing through it with his Great Fairy's Sword.

"I can hear you perfectly well, you know," Riolu said irritably from the opposite room.

"Yeah, I know."

"Right, while you guys are doing that, I'll go actually be useful and get the mask back," Clefairy said impatiently, Meteor Mashing through the glass casing that surrounded the conveyor belt and hopping up next to the mask. Just as she did, Riolu accidentally stepped on a red floor switch, causing the conveyor belt to drastically pick up speed and sending Clefairy along with it.

"STOP BEING IDIOTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIVES!"

"Uh, okay, I got this…" Riolu said nervously, stepping on a blue floor switch and opening the door at the far end of Pichu's room. They repeated this process several times, plowing through the rooms and opening doors for each other by slaying foes and stepping on switches.

"Haha! And that's how we do it!" Pichu cheered as he sliced through a ferocious Mightyena. "Who wants to tangle with the great Pichu next?"

"May I answer that?" came a snide voice, and Pichu spun around to see Sneasel himself come leaping down from the shadows.

"…Well, shit."

Meanwhile, Riolu raced through his now-open door into the final room, where the conveyor belt came to an end. "Yes! I made it! I can finally…" He drew to a stop, growing cold in fear. "No… where is it?"

The mask was nowhere to be found. It was unlikely Clefairy had managed to rescue it, as her lower half was currently sticking upside-down out of the hole at the end of the conveyor belt.

"Where is it?! Where is my mask?!"

"Looking for something?" came a sneer from behind him. Rage instantly flooded through Riolu at the sound of the voice, and he turned to face Sneasel standing behind him, holding a whimpering Pichu in one hand and the Sun's Mask in the other hand.

"You…" Riolu seethed. "What have you done this time?!"

"Why, I just came to observe the delightful look on your face as I make off with your mask and everything you hold dear," Sneasel taunted him. "It really is so delicious."

"Oh, just shut up and make out already," Pichu muttered.

Riolu glared at his sworn foe, and something came over him as he did. Maybe it was his precious memories of Vulpix. Maybe it was his desire to be less of a loser than Pichu. Probably that one. But whatever it was, he quickly balled his fists with a look of steely determination, deciding that no matter what, he would not lose his mask a second time.

"Listen up, Sneasel. When you stole my wedding mask from me, you forgot three very important details. One: I'm Riolu. Two: You're double weak against Fighting. Three: I'm &*?#ing Riolu."

––

"Okay, but you literally punched a hole in his stomach," Clefairy said gleefully as they all walked out of Sneasel's hideout. "Seriously, why the hell am I not following you around? How's about you and I team up to take down Nuzleaf? Pichu, give this man your Pokéflute and all your gear, he'll use it better than you."

"Uh, I assume you're giving me a compliment, but – oh no! Vulpix!" Riolu cried as he saw it was already the dead of night. "I have to go!"

"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THIS IDIOT!" Clefairy screamed as Riolu took off like a rocket, racing single-mindedly back in the direction of Clock Town.

"Seriously, man, we could've warped him there," said Pichu. "Oh well, his loss. Let's go back and wait for him."

––

"Welp, he's probably dead," Pichu said two hours later. He and Clefairy had been standing at the East Clock Town entrance waiting for Riolu, but he was nowhere to be found. "Guess we'd better go break the bad news to Vulpix."

"You're not even going to go looking for him?"

"That was not part of this side quest."

The two of them found Vulpix sitting alone on her bed in the inn, gazing forlornly at the ground and holding a mask that looked like the face of a Lunala. "Heya Vulpix! Listen, I know we're all about to die and you'd probably like to hear some good news before you go, but the thing is – "

"Vulpix!" Riolu cried as he threw the door open and slammed Pichu's body into the wall with it. "I have returned for you and – " He froze up in terror and started patting himself down as he realized he didn't have the Sun's Mask with him. "Umm…"

"You left it back at the hideout, didn't you," Clefairy sighed.

"SHUTUPI'LLBERIGHTBACK!" Riolu screamed, racing out the door.

An additional two hours later, he came dragging his body back up the stairs and collapsed into Vulpix's room, clutching the Sun's Mask and wheezing heavily. "There… I… got it…."

Clefairy sat upright in her chair and glared at him. "About damn time! The moon's going to land in less than twenty minutes, now hurry up and get this over with!"

As Vulpix saw Riolu, her eyes brightened and she slowly stepped off her bed, holding the Moon's Mask tightly to herself. "I… I have met you before," she said softly. "Long, long ago… we were still young. We made a promise, didn't we?" She crouched down to look him in the eyes. "The masks of the sun and the moon… we were to exchange them on the day of the Carnival of Time."

Riolu bowed his head slightly, looking guilty. "Vulpix… I'm sorry I was late."

But Vulpix didn't look angry. Instead, her face lit up in the first genuine smile Pichu and Clefairy had ever seen on her. "Welcome home."

At those words, Riolu couldn't restrain himself any longer. He raced over to Vulpix and flung his arms around her, and she pulled him close to her as they held each other for a long moment.

Clefairy stared at them. "Wow. Even though they're lovers, they look just like a mother and child." She frowned deeply. "This is disgusting. Why the hell did we facilitate this?"

"For the free stuff, duh!" said Pichu. "We are getting a reward for this, right?"

"Yes, yes. But first…" Vulpix drew away and held the Moon's Mask out in front of her. "Let us exchange the promised masks." Riolu immediately held his mask out as well, and the two of them pressed their masks together. There was a flash, and suddenly they had been transformed into one brand new mask.

"We have exchanged our oaths and become a couple. You are our witnesses. Please accept this mask."

"DA-na-na NA-na-na NAAAAAA! I got the Couple's Mask!" Pichu cheered as he grabbed the silvery mask with a stylistic engraving of two people on it. "Gee, I wonder what this mask does? Too bad there's no time left to find out… ooh! I know! I'll just play the Song of Time and – " Clefairy immediately grabbed the mask out of his hands and smacked him with it in a manner reminiscent of a folding chair.

"Please take refuge. We are fine here," Vulpix told the two heroes. "We shall greet the morning… together."

Clefairy just shook her head. "You guys are complete idiots. Nothing is worth staying here and getting crushed to death."

"Maybe it's just something deep and complex you don't understand because you haven't been in love," Pichu suggested.

Clefairy pondered this for about two seconds. "Nope. They're just idiots. Now since obviously no one else in this room is going to do it, let's actually be proactive and go save the world."

Pichu glanced outside at the moon, drawing ever closer to the earth and the end of everything and everyone. "Yes… let's."