The Final Page, Part One
Downing the scotch helps a little but not nearly enough as Robin sits on the couch of the apartment she'd lived in for years about to face an intervention that is now for her, and not over something little like too much tanning or even too much drinking. This is about her feelings for Barney that are obvious enough that everyone can see them – and everyone can also see that he doesn't feel the same way.
"Robin, we really are worried about you," Lily starts. "You've got to stop obsessing over Barney this way."
Robin makes a scoffing sound. "I am not obsessing over Barney." She instinctively starts lifting the glass to her lips but then remembers it's empty.
"Yeah you are," Marshall puts in. "You repeatedly tried to seduce him, you showed up at his place naked, you broke into his apartment and hid in his closet to spy on him. Speaking as a lawyer, that's pretty much the legal definition of 'obsessed' – as well as 'stalker' and 'breaking and entering' too."
The words are all too familiar….obsessed, stalker. Only that was just an innocent teenage crush that got out of hand. This is personal. She knows Barney. She knows what it's like to really be with him, to wake up in the morning beside him, to share the day together. But she's not stalking Barney. That is not what this is. Marshall's got it all wrong. "It wasn't like that," she defends. "I was just trying to find The Playbook."
"And you did that," Lily allows. "But it didn't work." She hesitates, wondering if she should open up this powder keg, especially in front of the others. But they're down to the point of having an intervention. This is serious now. It's time for some painful truths. "Robin….I know you have feelings for Barney – "
It's a bull's eye, dead center hit and it's far too close to home. "What? I – no. Why would you – No. I – I –I don't have feelings for Barney."
"Oh, honey, you do," Marshall says, putting his hand on her arm comfortingly.
"Just – No," Robin insists, shaking him off. "No, I don't."
But Marshall is undeterred. "Yes, you do. But he doesn't feel the same way."
Robin blinks repeatedly. It already feels like her heart is being ripped out just acknowledging that to herself. Hearing it from others, who are looking at the situation with impartial eyes, is unbearable.
Seeing her distress, Marshall backtracks with the same pity he shows restaurants that move from an F to a D. "Maybe he could have if things had gone differently. I'm sure he once did. But he just…he just isn't feeling the same way right now."
Ted steps in then, deciding the last thing she needs is a dose of Marshall's hopefulness. "Look, Robin. This needs to stop. I know you hate Patrice but she's Barney's choice. You have to accept that and let it go. Okay?" She's better off moving on anyway. Why she can't see that is beyond him. "Just forget about Barney completely." The sooner the better.
"Sweetie, you have to accept that this thing between them is real," Lily cuts in again.
It's all too much for Robin. The message is loud and clear: Barney's not interested; move on. But she doesn't have to listen. She doesn't have to believe they're right. "I already said he's not….staging this for my benefit, alright? But that still doesn't mean what he feels is real. He's just confused and – "
"No. He isn't. He burned The Playbook for Patrice," Ted reminds her. "You know how huge that is."
Robin doesn't respond. What can she say? There is no rebuttal to that.
The devastated, broken look on her friend's face moves Lily into action. "Why don't you guys go check on Marvin?" she suggests to Marshall and Ted, meaningfully nodding toward the nursery. Marshall gets the message and, after some slight resistance from Ted, the two men silently file into Marvin's room.
Once Marshall shuts the door, Lily speaks up. "Robin, I know this is hard. I've been there." She sees Robin open her mouth to reply and cuts her off at the start. "Before you say anything, let me finish. You ran away from Barney when he kissed you; let's be honest, you've been running away from Barney for a long time. And I did the same thing with Marshall. I ran from our engagement and I lived to regret it, just like you are now. So I do know how you feel. I've been there. I know what it's like to lose the man you love and know it's….it's your own fault."
"Who says I'm in love with Barney?" Robin tries, but Lily shoots her a look that says Girl, don't even try, and she sighs, not arguing any further.
Running away and living to regret it? Lily doesn't know the half of it. She knows about the drunken strip club kiss but she still has no idea they slept together last year, or that afterwards he wanted to talk about the two of them. He even broke up with Nora – or maybe Nora dumped him; she still isn't clear on that point. But that fact is she had her chance then and she blew it and lost him to Quinn. Now she had her chance again last month, and she blew it and lost him to Patrice. It seems she never learns her lesson, but Barney's always been a gamble she's too afraid to take.
"If Barney hadn't come to San Francisco after me," Lily continues, "I don't know if I ever would have found the courage to tell Marshall I'd made a mistake. We might never have gotten back together. I owe my happiness and my marriage and my son at least partially to him. Which is why I'm breaking the rules of intervention to tell you this now. If you love Barney and you want to be with him, you need to go to him and tell him that. Otherwise, if you're determined to keep running away and denying you have any feelings for him at all, you have to leave him alone and let him be happy with Patrice. He deserves to be happy, Robin."
Lily is right and Robin knows it. But what Lily doesn't realize is that there is no 'if' anymore. There is no going to Barney and telling him how she feels, even if she could be brave enough to do that. Barney already made his choice. He's proven over and over again that he doesn't want her. The only thing being honest with Barney would bring is more heartache, and she's had enough of that. She's had enough of this intervention too. "I have to go," she says firmly, standing up to leave.
"Robin, wait."
She stops in the doorway. "Point taken, Lily. No more breaking into Barney's place. I'll leave him alone," she promises before heading out the door.
At her apartment an hour later, Robin completely falls apart. There's no denying it anymore. There's no hiding behind false reason and convoluted explanations. Ted's right. Barney burned The Playbook. He would never do that lightly. He must really love Patrice. There's no other explanation. All her friends see it, and now she can see it too. She has to. She hates it, but she has to.
Because it's more than just The Playbook. Barney didn't sleep with Brandi either when he easily could have. That was before Patrice even; there was nothing stopping him. Barney's changed, that's all there is to it. He's become a better version of himself who now believes in love and commitment and monogamy, like she always secretly hoped he would. But it turns out he just doesn't want those things with her. It's too late for them. She ran away one too many times and now it's too late.
Look at yourself, crying into her scotch. You're pathetic. She can almost see her dad shaking his head at her contemptibly, can almost hear his words telling her that she made her bed and now she has to lie in it. You're right, dad. It's my own fault.
And now she's paying the price for how badly she bungled things. There was plenty of time and opportunity, openings she didn't take. If she'd met Barney last November maybe none of this would be happening right now. No Patrice, no Nick, no Quinn. Maybe they could have still been together, even a year later. But whatever he once might have felt for her she squandered until there was nothing left. She got scared and she ran. She chose safety and self-preservation. All the reasons made sense to her at the time but now they just seem so hollow and insufficient.
The truth is she reacted the way she did last November after they slept together for the very same reason she reacted the way she did after he kissed her this past November. In both of those cases by the time it happened she'd all but given up on the possibility of Barney. Then when it suddenly became very real, she didn't know what to do with it. She wanted to be with him so badly, but all she could see were the many ways it could go wrong. All her mind could fixate on was how she could end up getting hurt….until she talked herself out of it.
And yet even as she shook her head no, even as she pushed him away, each time what she really meant was not now. She hadn't let go of him completely. She hadn't closed that door, not really. She just wanted to come back to it someday in the future when she felt stronger, less afraid, more capable of facing those feelings and all that went along with them. For years now she's been living a 'maybe someday' life, but she's finally learned the hard way that when you waste all the time and chances that are given to you your someday never comes. It's passes along to someone else instead. But the lesson's come too late.
Since reconciling with Jerome, Barney and his father have made it a point to have a family dinner together at least once every couple of months. But this one is different. Pulling up to his dad's house in Westchester, this time Barney is very much on a mission.
Getting out of the car, his mind automatically returns to the visit he had with his dad seven months ago that directly led to this one...
**May 2012**
"I know you haven't met my girlfriend, Quinn, but we're about to go on a trip to Hawaii together and…." Barney pauses. This will be the first time he's told anyone and saying the words aloud will make it real. In his head, they still sound foreign and terrifying. In his heart, they continue to feel so wrong. But he's run through all his other options. He doesn't want to be the sad, empty, aging womanizer. And what he really wants….well, what he really wants was never within his reach to begin with. She proved that with the shake of her head that still haunts him to this day. So he says those terrifying, foreign, ill-fitting words anyway. "I'm going to ask her to marry me."
"Wow. Barney, that's…that's a big deal."
"Yeah," he nods.
"Congratulations, son."
But there's something in his hesitation that Barney can sense immediately. "You don't approve?"
"No. No, I didn't say that. I just hadn't realized the two of you were this serious. It's been what, two and a half months?"
Barney clears his throat. "It's been kinda fast, yeah, but you know how life is, always handing you surprises." Some of them good, some of them bad. That's why he keeps reminding himself he's lucky to have Quinn. Before her it was nothing but slowly dying inside from that one bad surprise he got handed back in the fall.
"Yes, I do. For me, one of those surprises was a second chance with you." Barney gives him a small smile at that. "I know you've been trying to change your life the way I changed mine, and if you've really found your Cheryl then I'm happy for you. I also have something I want to give you."
Barney follows his dad back to his office where Jerome takes out a key and unlocks the bottom drawer of his desk. Reaching inside, he pulls out a black jewelry box and hands it to Barney. At his nod, Barney opens the box, revealing a ring inside with a huge solitaire diamond.
"It's entirely real and obviously valuable," Jerome explains, "but more importantly it's a family heirloom, passed down from my grandfather to my father and then to me. Before we reconnected I was going to give it to Carly as the oldest. But you're my firstborn, Barney, the rightful owner of the Whittaker family ring. It should go to your wife."
After spending so many years wondering about his dad and missing out on any kind of a relationship with him, Barney is powerless to stop the – totally manly – tears from forming in his eyes at the idea of finally being a real part of his father's family. Along with that emotion, however, comes the sobering and sure knowledge that he cannot give this ring to Quinn. "Um…thank you. I really mean it. Thank you. But I don't think this ring is right for Quinn."
"You don't like it. That's okay."
"No, that's not it. It's – it's a beautiful ring."
"It's alright, Barney. My feelings aren't hurt. A family ring is an old-fashioned concept, I know that. Nowadays a guy likes to pick out his own ring. I understand."
"Honestly, that's not the reason," Barney assures him. "I'd be honored to have our family ring. I'd feel proud giving it to any woman, but….."
Reading his son's face, Jerome suddenly understands it's best not to question him any further. "Well, if you ever change your mind, it's here if you want it."
**May 2012**
The bare and utter fact was that even back then he knew Quinn wasn't the One. She was a second choice, second prize, and he never truly trusted her. And, though he said the words, he never came close to truly loving her either, at least not the way he loves Robin. He tried to bury it and push it away from his mind, but deep down in the innermost part of his heart he always realized that it was never going to last. If they did end up going through with a wedding he knew it would soon end in divorce, which is why he'd wanted the prenup too. Before he'd even proposed, he knew Quinn wasn't worthy and he didn't want her wearing his family ring.
The only one who ever should, ever could, wear that ring on her finger is Robin. Which is why he's here today unexpectedly, less than two weeks before Christmas and what was supposed to be their pre-planned family dinner.
By the time he gets to the door, Jerome is already there waiting for him with a concerned look on his face. "I've got to admit I've been worried all afternoon, ever since you said you wanted to talk in person. Is something wrong, Barney?"
"No. No," he promises, putting his hand on his dad's shoulder in greeting as he's welcomed into the house. "It's nothing bad, nothing like that. Just something better said face-to-face. And, actually, I have an ulterior motive for coming out here today. There's something I need to get."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Mind if we talk a minute in your office before dinner?"
Jerome nods his agreement, and after saying a quick hello to Cheryl and J.J. – Carly won't be home until the weekend – Barney goes into the office with his dad.
"What's on your mind, Barney?"
"Well…" He takes a deep breath, suddenly nervous. "I'm about to get engaged. Or at least I hope I am."
"I didn't even know you were seeing someone."
"I'm not. Not exactly," Barney admits. "But then, sometimes I feel like I never stopped seeing her. Sometimes it feels like just one long, three-year rough patch where we both had to work through some stuff before we were ready for each other again but what we have never truly went away. I certainly never stopped loving her. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I'm talking about Robin," he says, confirming Jerome's unspoken inklings. "I want her back, Dad, not just as a girlfriend but for life. I'm gonna ask her to marry me."
"Barney, that's wonderful."
He's relieved his dad didn't laugh in his face or call him crazy for proposing to a woman out of the blue this way. "You really think so?"
"Sure. You know I love Robin. We're great Facebook friends."
"So I've heard," Barney smiles. "Thanks again for telling her about your mom."
Jerome always has liked Robin from the moment he met her, after Barney stopped making his friends pretend to be other people that is. She's a fellow Canadian, a beautiful woman, and a talented journalist. He watches her reports every day, always proud to tell Cheryl – and everyone else he knows – that's one of his son's friends up there on WWN reading the national news.
But, more than that, he's had the pleasure of spending time with Barney and his little group of friends over the past year and a half and it's led him to long suspect there's something there between Barney and Robin. You can't be around the two of them for more than five minutes and not notice that. Late last summer, when he felt their father-son relationship was strong enough to withstand the slight prodding, he asked Barney about it and Barney admitted, if somewhat uncomfortably, that they once dated for six months or so before breaking up and agreeing to stay friends. He could tell, though, that wasn't the end of the story and there was something more still there that had never gone away. He witnessed it with his own eyes, but it was also there in the way his son would go on about her without even realizing he was doing it. It was there in the way they played off each other – that spark, that magic.
"I'm really happy for you, Barney. A magician never reveals his greatest trick, but I think you discovered it on your own."
Barney smiles. "It's not a trick at all," he divulges, because they're both magicians so that makes it alright. "It's the one right woman. It's love."
"Yes. That's how you do it. That's how you change. That's how I did."
"Me too," he earnestly affirms. "And I'm ready for that family ring now."
"Is that so?" Jerome grins.
"Yeah," Barney nods. "You said it should be on my wife's finger, and I very much agree."
Jerome knows what that means. Barney is sure this time. This time, it's going to stick. "I'm glad to hear it," he says, retrieving the jewelry box and giving it to Barney. "Robin will make a fine daughter-in-law."
"Do you think she'll say 'yes'?" Barney asks, those nerves back again.
"It's not a matter of 'if', only 'when'."
Bolstered by his dad's confidence, he puts the ring in his pocket for safekeeping. "I'm asking her this weekend."
"She'll say yes. She loves you. Why do you think she's been my favorite Facebook friend?"
Barney's genuinely surprised to hear that. "You knew she still loves me? I didn't even know until recently."
"It's in the way she looks at you, Son. There's no mistaking that look."
The rest of dinner goes by in a happy blur. Barney checks his pocket what must be about thirty times to make sure Robin's ring is still safely there.
Before he knows it, it's time to say his goodbyes and Jerome is walking him out to his car. "Be sure to bring her to our family Christmas. I want you both here."
"I will," Barney smiles.
The next day work is slow – the North Koreans are relatively happy and GNB isn't leading any hostile corporate takeovers or military coups – so Barney has time to plot out what he's going to do about Ted.
It's been obvious to him for a long time that Ted's still holding onto the hope of Robin. Almost four years ago now, Ted said he was okay with his bro dating Robin, and Barney had truly believed it at the time. Everything was alright during the summer when it was still a secret and Ted didn't know, but once it was out in the open it was a different story. Then it started in with the little things. Ted seemed uncomfortable seeing displays of affection between the two of them, and he'd always have some snide remark if their bedroom antics got too exuberant and loud while he was in the apartment. And there was the passive-aggressive weirdness of Ted teaching a "Robin 101" class, like he was setting himself up as the foremost expert on her while at the same time vicariously reliving dating Robin through Barney's relationship with her. It didn't occur to Barney at the time because he was just so terrified of Robin breaking up with him that he was nothing but grateful for the help, but looking back he can see how off-putting that should have been. Of course the truth came out after the breakup when Robin started dating Don. That was the closest they've ever come to truly getting into it over her.
But, as the years went on, it seemed like Ted had gotten over her. Barney was far too involved in fighting and losing to his own feelings for Robin to think much about Ted's, but Ted claimed to love Zoey – enough to screw him over, so it sure seemed like Ted had moved on.
Barney was still in denial then himself and so was Robin, but it's impossible not to recognize that everything was 'Barney and Robin' back then. They naturally gravitated towards each other, unstoppably drawn together the way it had been from the start. Then there came the mess with Nora, and Robin with Kevin. Until she ended up back in his bed again. And everything was still 'Barney and Robin', their own little drama worthy of any daytime soap; maybe that's why his mother always pulled so hard for the two of them.
Consequently, it came out of left field when Ted was suddenly proclaiming himself to be desperately in love with Robin now too. It did…but then it didn't. Ted had – and still has – a way of running back to the idea of Robin when he's got no other prospects on the horizon. So, in a way, it made perfect sense for him to obsess over her again. Not to the point, however, of defriending her, refusing to speak to her, and making her homeless – although getting a place of her own was good for the both of them. And the minute that Robin very smartly brought Victoria back into the picture, Ted's fixation on her magically lifted.
But Barney is many things and naïve isn't one of them. With Ted now single again and more desperate than ever before, Barney knows it's only a matter of time before he makes another move on Robin. He's absolutely certain Ted has already thoroughly considered it. In Ted's mind, Robin already belongs to him. In Ted's mind, she never stopped belonging to him simply because he saw her and dated her first, as if a strong independent woman like Robin could ever be a possession to be owned.
Nevertheless, Barney is well aware there's going to be trouble there and he'd like to circumvent it as much as possible. Not that they need Ted's permission to get married, or to date, or to do anything with each other, but they're all friends and that complicates things. He has his friendship with Ted, and Robin has her own friendship with Ted, and Marshall and Lily are longstanding friends with Ted. In a perfect world, none of these friendships would have to be damaged let alone destroyed. But the world isn't perfect, and it would be best to come up with a way for the two of them to be together without alienating Ted – or himself and Robin from the others, because he isn't kidding himself; he knows Marshall and Lily will side with Ted out of loyalty.
So how do you get a guy to peaceably give up on his five and a half year unrequited love? The thing is, he doesn't believe that Ted really is in love with Robin. Not Robin herself, not the real woman. He doesn't even know the real woman. He refuses to open his eyes and truly see her. Instead, he likes to mold her into this image he has in his mind of some vague, nebulous concept of his One that he formed years ago when he heard Marshall was getting married and he decided he wanted that too. Robin was the next woman he saw with any interest so Ted attached all of his hopes to her. But she never was and never could be the woman Ted imagined, and Barney suspects that in the moments when he's truthful with himself Ted knows that too. He just has to make Ted come to grips once and for all with the knowledge that Robin is a living, breathing woman with thoughts and feelings of her own. She has her own path in life, and it's not to fulfill some image Ted dreamed up for himself.
That's why Barney has to modify things slightly. From the start, it was his plan to make it look like he was going to propose to Patrice. His Nana used to have a favorite saying that some people are so determined, stubborn, and afraid that "only when you put their feet to the fire will they ever act". Robin, at least where feelings are concerned, is one of those people. It will take something huge, like proposing to another woman, to push her into action. That's why, before, he was going to announce to the whole group collectively what his plans are for the night of Ted's opening and then wait, hoping – knowing – that Robin will come stop him. But now there will have to be a minor alteration.
All of the gang, Ted included, realizes that Robin still has feelings for him. That much was obvious in the intervention they held for her two days ago. Robin deserves to be able to live her own life and find her own happiness. Knowing of her feelings the way he now does, Barney is sure that Ted will be able to see that too and finally let her go – if he's put to the test. In a situation like that, he'd certainly like to think Ted will do right by Robin. So he's going to have to manipulate a little fire for Ted's feet too.
Hauling out his briefcase, Barney reaches inside for the last remaining page of his Playbook and adds to "The Robin", Step 12: Tell only Ted about your plan to propose to Patrice. If Ted is the only one who knows then it will be solely up to him to convey this information to Robin. Ted will know that Robin would want to know, that she deserves to know, that she deserves this one last chance to stop him – and Ted will know that if he tells her that's exactly what she'll do. Or Ted could keep it from her, figuring that Barney will get engaged, Robin will miss her chance, and then he can have her all to himself.
And there's your fire, the ultimate test.
Next Barney writes in, Step 13: Wait and see if Ted tells Robin. And if he does, it means your best bro in the world has let go of Robin and has given you his blessing.
Because that's what it will be, Ted acting wholly, unselfishly in their best interest. Ted won't have to tell Robin. He'll have no way of knowing that Barney already knows – about Ted's feelings and about Robin's feelings – and that he's watching it all go down. Therefore Ted won't have any reason to think about appearances or sugarcoating things for anyone's benefit the way he would if Barney confronted him man-to-man. This way, Ted will be knowingly delivering Barney and Robin to each other with the full understanding that it's going to be forever and it means he's lost Robin for good. He never took their relationship seriously the first time around, but this time he knows better. Back in February, Barney already confessed the entire situation to Ted, and Ted tried to tell him about Robin's feelings too. He is wholly aware that they both are in love with each other – seriously, profoundly, eternally. Ted prides himself on recognizing the One, and he can see that's what they are to each other. So telling Robin and giving them that chance to be together will be the truest, purest form of his blessing that Ted could ever bestow.
It's the perfect plan to get Ted to do what he should have done a long time ago, and it will mean the gang can stay together and he and Robin can preserve their friendships with Ted. To guarantee that, Barney has another backup plan – just in case –for afterwards that will ensure Ted is otherwise occupied and far too busy with someone else to be able to change his mind and start obsessing over Robin again, causing trouble for them all.
But, right now, all Barney has to do is find an opportunity to get Ted alone and tell him about his upcoming proposal in a way that won't rouse his suspicions.
Later that night, Barney is the last to arrive at MacLaren's and has to pull up the end seat next to Robin. Seeing Ted talking so closely with her serves to reiterate the problem there, but he feels good about the solution he came up with and still has faith that when it comes down to it Ted will put Robin's happiness ahead of his own.
Tonight, though, Barney's just planning to have a good time. In three days he'll propose to Robin and he's trying to go into it hopeful. He's seen enough to make him optimistic about the outcome, but he wishes he had Patrice's and his dad's supreme confidence on the matter.
But despite all this nervous excitement over the upcoming culmination of "The Robin", he still has to keep his game plan in mind. He can have fun, but he has to watch himself with Robin. He has to maintain a friendly air with her, but not too friendly and not flirtatious, two things that have long been a problem for them. Still, he really is enjoying himself – until the waitress comes up and asks them if they need any more drinks. And that's when Marshall puts a jinx on him.
The gang goes wild celebrating, Robin most of all – he's jinxed her a time or two in some very inconvenient situations. They've all been trying to revenge jinx him for years, so it is quite an accomplishment. But all Barney can think of is how this could complicate his plans. If he can't speak, how can he tell Ted? And how can he propose to Robin? He can't break the jinx; look what happened to him last time. That means he has just two days tops to get one of them to free him.
Robin, who has no idea of the potential threat to Barney's secret play, only sees this as a chance for a little payback, but even more so as a wonderful opportunity to tease him. Barely containing herself, she asks Ted to continue his discussion on antiqued currency that Barney so thoroughly mocked before, knowing a million more cutting remarks will be building up on his tongue and he'll have no choice but to swallow his words. It'll drive him crazy.
He begs her with his eyes, but there's no way she's letting him out of this. She just smiles over at him, drinking her champagne. After all, she made sure to pour him a glass too in spite of his punishment.
Laughing, her eyes positively dance with enjoyment. Patrice is nowhere in sight, which means, tonight, Barney is all hers to play with – and she's going to relish every last second of it.
After work the next day, Robin goes to Marshall and Lily's, and Ted's there too. No matter who is living there, the apartment always seems to be their main hangout. There's its proximity to their other main hangout, MacLaren's, and now that Marshall and Lily have little Marvin often it's just easier if they stay at Baby Central.
Grabbing a beer, Robin sits down next to Lily on the couch just in time to hear Ted going on about some old college professor of his who'd done him wrong, which somehow leads them into a discussion of a 'pit person'. The idea that someone could drive you crazy enough that you'd want to throw them into a pit in your basement and Silence of the Lambs them is unthinkable to Robin. There is no one she hates that much, a fact she readily points out to the group. Unfortunately that gives Lily the perfect opening to declare Patrice her pit person.
Robin thought they'd already settled this back at her humiliating intervention. She's done obsessing over Patrice. She's done obsessing over Patrice with Barney. She's done obsessing over Barney, period. She's told Lily that already and when she still refuses to let it go Robin starts to get agitated, shouting, "Enough."
She really is done, whether they believe her or not. Her heart isn't ready to let go, no; it never will be. But reason has finally won out and she can recognize what a fool she was making of herself. She's just so tired of banging her head against a wall and getting nowhere. It's been going on for weeks now. She can't keep doing that to herself. She can't keep getting hurt that way, over and over again. She's done.
But then Barney walks in and she forgets all of her resolutions. Her resolve goes completely out the window and she jumps at the chance to tease him some more by almost saying his name and then leaving him hanging. Even her tongue-in-cheek question of how his day went is filled with tantalizing mischief.
If it wasn't for the fact that Barney's had such a terrible day he'd be better able to enjoy Robin's playfulness, her amused smile, the pure delight with which they always tease each other. But his day has been truly awful – stuck in a cab, screamed at at work, and now roped into going in to GNB on Sunday. There is no way he's doing that. It would be a drag at any time, but if all goes as well as he hopes that will be the first day he's back together with Robin and he's certainly not going to spend it at work. So now, on top of everything else, he's got to find a way out of that. And he still can't talk.
He enjoys a free beer from Marshall and Lily's fridge, but it soon become clear that's about all he's going to get out of this visit. At least in between all of her teasing Robin is being rather attentive. She keeps smiling over at him through all of his attempts to mime the things he cannot say, and he's beginning to think his dad was right about the way she looks at him. Something about it just makes him feel positively warm and content despite this jinx he's mired in.
But none of them are backing down. No one will call him by name. He can't participate in any of their conversations or be free to mock Ted the way he longs to over his whole Nutty Professor thing. Hence, he's giving up and calling it a night when Ted stops him at the door.
"Ooh, buddy, I forgot. How will this work on your date with Patrice tonight?"
Until that moment Barney hadn't even remembered he'd told them all the night before that he was having Patrice over tonight. Not being able to talk to his 'girlfriend', who doesn't even understand what a jinx is, will take some explaining.
But before Barney has to come up with anything, Marshall cuts in and inadvertently helps him out. "Don't feel bad for him, Ted. This is Barney we're talking about. I'm sure he has ways of communicating that don't require words."
Barney doesn't miss the unmistakable flare of jealousy in Robin's eyes. To fuel it, he puts his finger to his nose, nodding wickedly.
Barney's not out the door for more than twenty seconds when Robin decides she has to go after him. And it has nothing to do with deterring him from Patrice or getting his attention back on her, not at all. She's just concerned about the fallout of his jinx. It's a natural, friendly impulse. That's what she's telling herself and that's what she chooses to believe.
She catches him out in the hallway just beyond the door to the apartment, which she makes sure to fully close behind her. She already knows what the others are thinking. "Hey."
Barney stops in surprise and turns around. He hadn't expected Robin to come after him, but it bodes well for the next few days and he prays it's a sign of things to come.
"I'm sorry we got you in trouble at work," she says softly. "You're not really mad are you?"
There's something very endearing in the sweet concern with which she asked, like she's sincerely afraid he might be upset with her. But he's powerless to respond with anything more than a shake of his head 'no' and a slight smile.
Robin immediately smiles back, whether by design or impulse she isn't even sure herself. But this does give her a chance to mention something else. "I bet it's gonna be really awkward for you at Ted's opening. All those top GNB men wondering why you won't acknowledge them."
His expression reads, What can you do?, but he's listening intently, his eyes on hers.
With Ted's big gala set for this Saturday, she's been planning out what to wear for a month straight, and that planning went into overdrive during her seduce-Barney-into-one-last-time mode. Things are different now, what with him seeing someone else, but she already has the outfit and it was undeniably chosen with him in mind. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to hint at that. "It's too bad too," she imparts, slipping into the natural flirtation she always falls into with him, "cause I was kind of looking forward to all the off-color remarks you'd make about my new dress."
Barney's noticeably intrigued at that. He recognizes her flirting for what it is, and he's not supposed to be playing along, but he's too enchanted by her not to indulge just a little.
He makes a line high across the top on his thigh, indicating the length of her dress, and Robin laughs. "No, it's not short. But it has a plunging neckline. And it clings."
Barney puts his hands to his chest, making the universally recognized motion for breasts.
She shakes her head at him, laughing again. "Yes, there may be a little side boob on display."
He nods, grinning lecherously. Nice, he mouths the word. Then he mouths more slowly so she'll understand, Finally slutting up.
She follows him perfectly and knows what he's referring to too – the day six and a half years ago when he took her to her first prom. She and Lily wanted to dress nicely but Barney insisted they'd never fit in with the teenagers that way, imploring them to "slut up" instead.
"Not exactly," Robin admits. "But it'll do."
They fall into silence, and when holding his gaze becomes too heavy with feeling she looks down awkwardly. He steps back on his heels, putting his hands in his pockets, but he doesn't leave. He does look like he has something he'd like to say, however, and she sincerely feels bad about this no-talking thing, especially the hassle he got into at GNB. "You really have to work this Sunday? That sucks. I know how you like your Sundays." He enjoys the chance to be lazy, to sleep in and do whatever he wants all day. Back when they were dating, sometimes they'd spend entire Sundays in bed. She wonders if he does that with Patrice.
Before she was flirting but now, with that thought in mind, she's fishing, pure and simple. "I bet you had plans too…."
Barney nods. He has very definite plans for the two of them that don't involve any clothes getting between them – and certainly not leaving the apartment. That's why he's absolutely not going in on Sunday. It'll be a bother but he'll get out of it. He mouths, GNB, and then a sweeping hand gesture like he's got it all taken care off.
"Oh, I'm sure you'd talk your way out of it – if you could talk." Her eyes dance with amusement again, but at his frown she relents. "Listen, I'd unjinx you and get you out of this but those guys would kill me if I did. I'd never hear the end of it."
She knows she shouldn't be so lenient with him and let him off the hook this easy, especially when she thinks of the times Barney jinxed her and made her suffer. There was last fall when he jinxed her just so she was unable to argue when Ted asked who wanted to go with him to scrutinize over light bulbs for the GNB tower. Most recently there was the time this past summer. It was late August and Barney was in the area so they were having lunch together on the roof at WWN when Marcy, one of the research assistants, came over raving about the donuts the new weather girl brought in from the latest 'It' bakery. She replied that they were only just alright, which prompted Marcy to ask her what bakery did have her idea of a fantastic donut. She and Barney both answered "Timmy's" at the same time and he jinxed her, laughing gleefully all the while. Patrice walked up to their table a few seconds later asking if she wanted to join her for cookie baking at her apartment that weekend. Unable to speak, Barney told Patrice on her behalf that she would love to be there, leading to one hellish Saturday. He later confessed that he'd seen Patrice coming and he'd jinxed her on purpose.
But easily the most memorable jinx of all was during their summer, June 2009 to be exact. She can still recall it vividly, down to every last detail, and her mind inescapable drifts there now.…
**June 2009**
Standing in Robin's living room wearing nothing but his boxers, Barney has her stripped down to only her underwear too – and he's just removed her bra, enthusiastically reaping the benefits. They've been going at each other frantically ever since Ted stepped out fifteen minutes ago. It was all they could do to keep their hands off one another while he was still there. Now that he's gone they can't get each other naked fast enough.
"I've been waiting for this all day," she breathes against his lips before kissing him again, long and deep and hungry.
"Last night didn't tide you over, hmm?" His mouth finds her shoulder as she turns around in his arms. "That's okay. I get that." Then he's hooking his fingers in her panties and dragging them down. "Little Barney's been aching for you too, all afternoon." He lets go of her just long enough to shed his boxers. "Look how happy he is to see you."
Robin shakes her head at him hopelessly but she does look over her shoulder. He wasn't lying, and the sight makes her want him all the more. She braces her palms on the desk, thinking how there's something unspeakably hot about Ted stepping out to the store for only a minute and Barney doing her against his drafting table in the meantime, right out in the open where Ted could walk in and find them at any moment if they don't hurry. She feels Barney's hands on her hips and she's so ready, but then he stops. "What's the matter?" she asks breathlessly, looking back at him when she feels him stepping away.
"Little Barney never goes inside without a hat," he replies, looking for his discarded pants and the condom that's inside the pocket.
Robin rolls her eyes. "Idiot." He says it at the same time as she does, and if she wasn't so turned on she would have seen it coming.
"Jinx."
Before she has a chance to respond they hear Ted's voice outside the apartment and a woman's voice too. Diving for their clothes in a panic, they run to the safety of her bedroom just as the front door is opening.
"Robin? Barney?" they hear Ted call. Then, "I guess they left." The two of them exchange looks just as Ted must have noticed her closed bedroom door because he then adds, "Are you sleeping?"
She dropped hints for the past two hours about how tired she was from her early morning job in hopes that Ted would call it a night too and she could sneak Barney into her bedroom with her. When that didn't work she'd changed her tune and asked Ted to pick something up at the store for her instead. He must assume that in the interim she sent Barney packing and then conked out herself.
"I met a really nice girl at the market and I invited her up to the roof," Ted continues. "Speak up if you don't want me taking your bottle of scotch with us."
Barney gives her a warning look. "You can't break a jinx, Robin. It's bad luck," he whispers. She's about to say she doesn't believe in luck when he reminds her, "And I'll make you do something really embarrassing if you do." That's the female equivalent for getting hit in the nuts with a wiffle ball bat; they made it up when he'd jixed Lily just before Christmas.
Robin lets out a little huff of air. That's the best bottle of scotch she's ever owned. She spent half her paycheck on it.
"No?" Ted says. "Okay." They hear his laughter mingle with the unidentified female's along with the distinct sounds of the pair climbing onto the fire escape and up to the roof.
Barney reaches for Robin then, pulling her close against him. "Let me see….what embarrassing thing will I have you do?"
She gives him an outraged look. She just lost her prized scotch to avoid that.
"I know you didn't break the jinx yet, but you will. There's no way you're gonna be able to keep quiet through what I'm about to do to you." Barney tries to kiss her but she turns her mouth away. "Oh, come on. You know you still want to sleep with me." His hands ghost over her body, providing delicious incentive. "You've been waiting for this all day, remember?"
Robin would like to give him the comeuppance he deserves by turning him down, but he's right; she wants him too much. However it occurs to her how to get revenge. She attacks his mouth and he responds readily, but she pushes him down on the bed, taking over. She has skills of her own that can bring him to his knees. Sure enough, before they're even halfway through he's unable to stop himself from calling out her name, setting her free from the jinx.
Neither one of them stops, though, until they both find their release. Then she collapses onto his chest, winded and satisfied in more ways than one. "I'm sorry," she pants, "who can't stay quiet?"
**June 2009**
Actually that was an incredibly enjoyable jinx, and Barney replaced her bottle of scotch to make up for it too so she didn't lose out at all. But it has given here an idea.
"If you were to do something that made me say your name, then I couldn't be held responsible."
Barney's eyebrows rise, wondering what exactly she has in mind. His mind automatically goes to how she'd gotten him to say her name and end her jinx those years ago. If this were just a few days into the future he would love nothing more than to use that method, but at the moment he can't.
When Robin sees the surprised look on his face, she knows the past has gotten the better of her and she jumps to clarify. "I mean, not just me but any of us. You could do something shocking that would trick any of us into saying your name."
Hmm, it's not a bad idea, Barney realizes, and something he'll definitely think on later. For now, he mouths, Thanks.
"You're welcome." Maybe she's a fool for helping him, but the thought of him communicating non-verbally with Patrice is far worse than simply letting him out of the jinx.
He waves to her, getting ready to walk away, and she calls, "Bye, Bar- " She catches herself at the last second, her eyes wide. "That wasn't on purpose, I swear."
Barney narrows his eyes at her before leaving, and he can hear her laughter follow him all the way down the hall.
Turning to go back into the apartment, still smiling, Robin opens the door and sees the others standing there giving her knowing yet disapproving looks. "Shut up," she says.
The next day, when Robin sees Patrice's name amongst the year-end employee review files she instantly finds herself eating her words to Sandy about never firing someone for unprofessional reasons.
She may have had to face that this thing between Barney and Patrice isn't being faked for her benefit but that doesn't mean she's ready to give up. Nora passed, and Quinn passed. Maybe Patrice will pass too. If it is an overcorrection doesn't that mean that it will eventually run its course? And she's just been given the opportunity to help that along.
This could be her chance to get rid of Patrice once and for all. If she fires her, with the economy what it is, Patrice might not be able to find another job. She might have to leave town and move back home, and whatever Barney has with her will fizzle and die. Or, if she stays, she may wind up down and out. After his issues with Quinn taking his money and how he never trusted her, maybe Barney and Patrice will start to fight over her using him. That will kill the overcorrection and instantly snap him out of it.
At the very least she won't have to see her on a daily basis and keep repeatedly having Patrice's relationship with Barney shoved in her face – because she honestly doesn't know how much more of that she can take.
By the time she calls Patrice into her office and the woman herself arrives in the doorway, a bag of cookies in hand, Robin is truly relishing this. But then her conscious starts to sting. How can she do this? She may have been a laughing stock for years at Metro News One and really not much better at Come On Get Up, New York, but she's always had her professional code of ethics. That's what separates her from people like Sandy. She cannot fire someone for personal reasons. She simply can't.
Repeating that mantra over and over in her mind, Robin begins the perfectly professional, perfectly non-personal review with Patrice, asking her the first question on the premade list. But when asked to review her performance over the year Patrice defers, saying she doesn't like to talk about herself and compliments her coworkers instead – complements everything, even the lotion in Robin's basket. She's nothing but sweet, nothing but happy, and that makes Robin want to yell at her that much more. Seeing such happiness in the face of her own misery, she can't help but feel bitter. She can't help but feel that the way things have turned out just isn't fair.
But she tries to keep dutifully going through the WWN sanctioned review sheet anyway. She glances down at question number two and it reads: 'Where do you see yourself going in the next year?'. They mean on a professional level, here at the station, but all Robin can think about is Patrice's designs on Barney in the upcoming year. "Okay, um…." All she can see is the two of them together on their date last night, communicating non-verbally, and it makes her a little crazy. The questionnaire blurs before her eyes. She can't focus at all and she finds herself blurting, "….How often are you and Barney doing it?"
"That's a strange question, Robin," Patrice replies.
Robin's expression is immediately contrite, shocked even. She hadn't meant to say that. She already resolved she wasn't going to do this. "You're right." She looks back down at the questionnaire, struggling to reign herself in. She's being terrible and grossly improper. She can't let herself do something this unethical and underhanded.
"Maybe I should leave," Patrice suggests.
There's something in her tone that rubs Robin the wrong way. She thinks of this woman, so happy all the time – getting everything she wants, with her Barney – and the words boil up from her heart and come tumbling out of her mouth. "Yeah, maybe you should. You're fired."
It's like Sandy said; somebody's got to go, so why not her? Patrice doesn't deserve to have both a great job at WWN and Barney too. No one gets to have that much happiness in life; she certainly doesn't.
Her eyes wide with horror, Patrice asks, "Why would you fire me?"
Robin feels like she's looking at the kitten she just kicked. Her own words – You're fired – filled with such bitter anger echo back in her mind and there's no question that what she's doing is wrong. It leaves the bitter taste of bile on the back of her tongue and the dark, hot, prickling feeling of guilt washing over her. Nevertheless, resentment, jealousy, and envy prevail. Because she wants Barney, and she can't have him. She loves Barney, and he'll never belong to her. It's not fair, and it's not right, and of all the people in the world Patrice shouldn't get to be with him.
"Because nobody should be as happy as you are," she accuses, getting up to let Patrice out, to get rid of her and ease these immediate guilty feelings by not having to look at what she's done. Even with her inner shame she can't resist one last spiteful nudge at the woman sleeping with the man she's in love with. "And also, your cookies, they're only pretty good."
Robin stands there holding the door, waiting for Patrice to get out, her hand on her hip in a haughty display of clout. She has all the power now. She has her sweet revenge….
But as Patrice slowly walks past her Robin can't meet her eyes and she feels the backs of her own beginning to sting. And when Patrice turns back around to ask if this is really about her, as if she'll take the abuse and the yelling and the unjust firing so long as she knows it wasn't caused by any personal failing, Robin realizes what a horrible person she's become. Firing Patrice out of envy is like stepping on a butterfly for no other reason than to destroy its beauty in the face of your own ugliness – and right now she is nothing but ugly inside. She's a monster. A jealous monster. She's not this person. It hurts losing Barney again; it kills her. But still, she's not this person. And now the tears are filling her eyes uncontrollably. "No, it's not."
Patrice hugs her and, after a frozen second where she still refuses to either set the bitterness aside or receive her forgiveness, Robin finally accepts the hug, accepts the comfort, and hugs her back. Patrice has been nothing but good to her. How could she even think about doing this? And, before Barney, why would she ever hate a woman who's so kind and selfless and true?
That's when it hits her that it's never been before Barney. It's always been about Barney. Her animosity towards Patrice has always stemmed out of her feelings for Barney. When Patrice first came to WWN Robin didn't have a bit of a problem with her. Sure, she was too chipper for her tastes and she could never see them being friends outside of the office, but she had no problem getting along with her as a coworker. The hatred and the anger all began when Patrice thought Barney was such a catch – so perfect and incredible – back when he was serenading Nora and wooing her in a million other ways that made Robin alternate between burning with red-hot jealousy and crying under her desk in absolute despair. Patrice represented the voice of her heart, everything she was thinking and feeling and hating herself for. All of that anger wasn't truly directed at Patrice. She was angry with herself.
Then, back in February when she almost made a mistake with Ted, Patrice showed up again and stopped her from taking the easy way out. Patrice stood as the remainder of what her own heart was telling her – that she couldn't do this because she didn't love Ted and she will always love Barney – but she didn't want to hear that at the time. She didn't want to know that, so she took it all out on Patrice.
After that, when her heart was so broken and she was such a lost lonely thing without Ted's friendship or Barney's love or even a place to call home, Patrice noticed how sad she was. It was like she could see into her soul. She was the voice of her heart again, saying what her head wouldn't allow her to think, what her will banned her from acknowledging. She didn't want to listen to her heart then, and now that she's ready to hear it, it's too late. She has no choice but to sit by and watch Patrice with Barney instead.
But she has no one to blame for that but herself.
"I'm sorry," Robin tells her, and she sincerely means it – not just for today but for all those times she yelled at her undeservedly. "It's just…." She moves toward the couch and turns away, not wanting Patrice to fully see her while she confesses the dark truth. It's hard enough shining a mirror on her soul and seeing the ugliness reflecting back herself. She can't stomach watching somebody else – someone as pure and blameless as Patrice – viewing it too.
"….Seeing you with Barney has – " Robin closes her eyes completely now like a little girl hiding, putting her hand to her forehead at the difficulty of this admission to her rival of all people. " – brought up some old feelings, and I – I really don't like feelings. But that's not your fault or….Barney's fault.…."
Barney. She loves him. Still. Always. She's done nothing but lie to herself about it for the entire year past. She does love him and it's a love she can't fight anymore. It was a losing battle to begin with. But he deserves to be happy even if it isn't with her, even if it never can be. She wants that happiness for him. She was wrong to try to deny him that. But it hurts so much that it starts the tears again. "It's just really hard seeing you with him."
"I'm sorry, Robin," Patrice offers.
Hearing Patrice apologize to her in the face of all that she's done is too much. "No. It's not your fault. It isn't. You didn't do anything wrong. And neither did Barney. I'm the one who's wrong here. I've been wrong to you for a very long time. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Does…does that mean I'm not fired?"
"No, you're not fired. That was completely unprofessional and…." Robin wipes away a stray tear, so raw and conflicted, such an emotional mess, still hating herself for what she'd done. "….and horrible of me. I'm the one who's sorry. Will you accept my apology?"
"Of course, Robin." Patrice reaches out and hugs her again, patting her back softly, before pulling away. She wants to tell her it's okay, Barney loves her too, but she knows that will ruin everything. As an alternative she reaches into the bag still in her hands. "Here, have some cookies. They'll make you feel better."
Left alone in her office, Robin sinks down into her chair, munching on a cookie from the pile Patrice placed on her desk and hoping it will work its comforting magic soon. She realizes now that she has to stop fighting, has to stop hating Patrice, has to give up. She has to let Barney go. If she loves him – and she knows she does – that's what she has to do. Just like with Nora. Just like with Quinn.
But she also knows that her actions still aren't utterly selfless. She loves Barney and she wants him to be happy above all else, but there's an element of self-preservation in this too. She had to let him go be happy with Nora, but only because he wouldn't be happy with her. She threw herself at him then too to no avail. And she had to smile and say she was happy for him when he got engaged to Quinn because if she had told him the truth he would have been the one to shake his head at her and tell her it was too late. Now it's the same thing with Patrice. Barney has proven all over again that he doesn't want her; he wants Patrice. There are only so many times she can make a fool of herself over this man before her heart is shattered irreparably, before it actually kills her. She has to let him go because it's the right choice, the only choice, for the both of them.
When Barney showed up at Marshall and Lily's earlier that afternoon he had no idea what the day had in store for him, that he'd be going off on a revenge vendetta with Ted or that he'd nearly be killed by some psycho ex-friend of Marshall and Lily's. He only knew that he had to get someone to unjinx him – which is why he was trying every annoying trick in the book, including repeatedly tapping Marshall's shoulder, just to get one of them to say his name out of sheer exasperation.
When Ted unexpectedly took off on his crazy road trip to make his old professor pay, Barney knew he was stuck going with him too. He has to put Steps 12 and 13 into play today. Tomorrow is the big night. Time has run out; this is it. Luckily for him, he expected Ted to show up at their place and he also expected that none of his friends would be negligent enough to say his name accidentally so he'd brought along his last resort: the engagement ring. Robin's shock and awe idea was smart. One quick flash of that rock and Ted is sure to be impressed by its sheer size and brilliance – just like many women over the years when he flashed something else equally impressive and rock hard. But, in this case, Ted will also instantly know it means he's about to propose, and that alone will shock Ted into saying his name.
So when they're on their way home and Ted pulls to a stop at a gas station at Marshall and Lily's request, Barney knows he's just found his perfect opportunity to talk to Ted. He has to use every second of this time wisely because no one else is supposed to know. Steps 13 depends entirely on Ted's reaction alone. Therefore the very instant Lily and Marshall leave the car to grab some snacks Barney pulls the jewelry box from his pocket and taps Ted's shoulder to get his attention, swiftly opening the box to reveal the huge diamond ring inside.
"Oh my god, Barney."
To say he's thrilled is an understatement. His plan worked like a charm. He's now free, and for starters he lets out all the mockery he's held in for the past two days.
Ted has no interest in that however. He only wants to know, "The ring. What's – what's the ring?"
Down to business then. "Right," Barney answers, and the smile in his voice is automatic while discussing the ring he hopes will soon be on Robin's finger. He tells Ted he plans to propose to Patrice and Ted's reaction is one he saw coming a mile away.
"Are you serious?" Barney says at the very same time as Ted. It's a little addition he thought up last night. This is Ted after all and what other way can he get through Step 12 uninterrupted unless he jinxes Ted and forces him into silence?
Now that he has Ted as a mute audience he has yet another speech to deliver, one that has to be entirely believable to both Ted and Robin, so he starts by overriding all their concerns at the get-go: he isn't crazy – the point of view Robin adopted to make herself feel better; he isn't overcorrecting – which he knew all along would be Ted's go-to theory; and he isn't moving too fast – something surely Marshall and Lily will stand by.
Then it's time for the real crux of the matter – and this part he doesn't have to sell because it's completely truthful. The emotions behind it couldn't be more genuine, they're just for Robin not Patrice.
"Look," he begins, not quite able to look at Ted while admitting this absolute, vulnerable truth, "I have banged my way through every bimbo in the tri-state area, and it left me feeling nothing but – but broken. But now, with Patrice…." He had to insert the wrong name for the sake of the play, but he's thinking entirely of Robin and his voice and eyes go soft and tender because of those thoughts. "…for the first time in my life I feel settled. And happy. I want to feel this way forever." It's true. He wants to feel that free and easy happiness, that perfect contentment he knows they can finally share together if they ever are just honest and open with each other. He got a taste of it that night at Splitsville when he finally let the truth out and admitted his love. It was there in the way she looked at him, in the way she tentatively touched his chest like her hand was made for him, like her love was made for him.
To make good on Step 12, Barney now tells Ted that in order to keep feeling that way forever he's going to ask Patrice to marry him tomorrow night on the roof of the WWN building – another absolute truth he's just switched the names on. And he's sure to slip in that it's Patrice's favorite spot since he's sure this information will get back to Robin and should help spur her agitation and eventual action.
He finishes by unjinxing Ted – it's necessary to "The Robin" even if keeping Ted silent a little while longer would be a service to the people of New York – but only after making him promise not to tell anybody. Now not only is it a question of whether he'll simply act in Robin's best interest, but he'll also be doing so at the potential peril of both his heart and his testicles. Ted's going to have to really want to do the right thing by the two of them in order to tell Robin his plan, and that's exactly the sort of blessing that he's banking on.
Later that night, after arriving back home, Barney puts his contingency plan into place. He loves Robin and he's waited years for her. Ted is his best bro, it's true, and he doesn't take that friendship lightly. But Robin is his best friend, the love of his life, and he's still going to be with her even without Ted's blessing. It will just be best for everyone involved if they do get it.
But, with Ted or without, Barney will get Robin up to that rooftop tomorrow night. He needs someone to ensure that happens and to be his eyes and ears in the meantime so he can know exactly what progress Ted is making as well as Robin's whereabouts at all times. That's where Ranjit comes in. Ranjit may have befriended the rest of the gang over the years but he's still supremely loyal to him first and foremost. Barney's hired him to drive a limo for Ted tomorrow night. He told Ted it was his gift for missing out on his big opening night, and that's partially true but mainly Ranjit is there to steer things as necessary and see to it that Robin makes it up to the rooftop for the culmination of his play, for the question he's waiting to ask. His entire future rides on her answer and at the very least he's going to make sure she gets up there to hear him out because this time he's putting it all out there – every thought, every feeling, every last bit of love for her.
Ranjit was actually thrilled when he explained it to him, and he didn't even tell him all of it. He kept the proposal a secret and only disclosed that he was running a play on Robin and Ted was supposed to get her to the WWN building, but if he fails then it's Ranjit's job to tell her himself and reveal Barney's supposed plans to propose to Patrice. Ranjit still has no clue that Barney's marriage plans are real and they include Robin. He merely thinks Barney is trying to get the two of them back together, and that alone was enough to make him as close to giddy as Barney's ever heard him. "You drive a man around for enough years and you see some things," Ranjit had explained to him. "I've known for some time that you and Robin are still in love with each other. You are meant to be together. I'm just glad you finally realized it."
Ranjit knew how they felt about each other. His dad knew how they felt about each other. Ted tried to tell him earlier in the year that Robin's in love with him. It's like everyone could see it but them. They were too busy burying their heads in the sand of fear and denial. Not anymore though. Not from now on.
Barney's thoughts are interrupted by an incoming call that a glance at his screen tells him is from Patrice. "Go for Barney."
"Barney?"
He shakes his head. "Ah, yeah. That'd be why I said, 'Go for Barney'." She's a sweet woman and he owes her, but she doesn't understand his codes or catchphrases and she had to google Bon Jovi to come up with a song for her fictitious Get Psyched mix. Robin's right; small dosages of Patrice are best.
"Oh, well, I had to call to tell you what happened today. Robin tried to fire me."
Now she has his attention. "What? She fired you?" That is extreme. Robin is always going on about what a professional she is. For her to fire Patrice over personal reasons must mean his 'relationship' with her has really gotten under Robin's skin. "Look, don't worry, okay? This will all be over tomorrow and Robin will get you your job back then."
"No, you don't understand. She didn't fire me. She wanted to, but she couldn't go through with it."
So Robin tried to fire her but had a change of heart? She's never had a problem yelling at Patrice before. But then firing her for no reason is certainly more severe. Even so, he needs a blow by blow. "What exactly happened?"
"She called me in for my yearend review. It started out normally, but then she asked me how often you and I were…."
At Patrice's hesitation Barney nudges her on. "We were what?" Now that his name is directly connected to this he's dying to hear where it went.
When Patrice finally answers it's in an embarrassed whisper. "Doing it. She wanted to know how often we were doing it."
Barney smiles widely at that. Robin is jealous, burning up with jealousy he'd say. She can't stand the thought of him being intimate with another woman, and from where he's sitting that's fantastic news. "What'd you say?"
"I told her that was too personal, and she said I was fired. But then she started to cry."
Hearing that causes a far different reaction. It pricks his heart to know she's hurting that greatly because of him. "Robin cried?" It was necessary to provoke some jealousy as a wakeup call to shake the hold denial had over her feelings, but he can't bear to see her cry. Even hearing that it happened pains him.
"Yes, so I gave her a hug. After that she apologized and explained that seeing us together brought up all these feelings she has for you."
"She said that? She actually admitted to having feelings?" It may sound like a small victory to Patrice but Barney knows it's huge. She's never confessed to any kind of non-platonic feelings this entire time, including during the intervention.
"Yep."
And now his heart is soaring. There have been so many different emotions in these past few months – confusion, anxiety, pain, fear, happiness, and love – it's a wonder his poor heart is still standing. But if Robin will admit to having feelings for him to the woman she thinks is his current lover that speaks volumes for the degree of emotion she must be feeling too. "I'm glad you told me. Thank you, Patrice. For everything."
"Robin loves you, Barney. So much."
"I hope so."
One way or the other, he's about to find out. In less than twenty-four hours, he'll either be utterly devastated, his heart broken by her all over again, or she'll make him the happiest man in the history of ever by saying 'yes'.
He needs it to be the latter. He knows she loves him. Their hearts are on the same page; it's her head he's concerned about. She always finds a way to talk herself out of the two of them.
But it's finally their time now. It has to be. And come tomorrow night she'll have zero reasons left to doubt his love for her.