I tied the gauze in a tight knot. Pressure stops the blood flow. I sighed, and wiped some sweat that had formed on my forehead. Charon looked at me, flexing his arm.

"Tomorrow, we'll try to find a puddle for you to sit in."

I meant for that to be funny, but Charon just nodded. His eyes were fixated on me, and it made me nervous.

"Listen, you sleep first okay? This place makes me nervous and I don't want you always staying up all night. When I get tired I'll wake you. Sound good?"

Charon shrugged and leaned against the concrete wall. I nodded to myself, and shut off my Pip-Boy light. Instantly, we were in pitch blackness. I shuddered. I've always been slightly afraid of the dark. Especially the dark in closed, confined spaces. I tried my best to keep myself calm, reminding myself that Charon was here, that if all else failed, he'd save me.

I touched the scar on my neck, the same spot he had just barley grazed his lips. I shuddered, remembering that fleeting moment. I wanted to feel it again, I felt that urge way deep down inside. The same urge Butch used to derive in me, but it was stronger, more…more prominent. I had to try even harder to keep my breathing low, as I thought about things that should send me to hell. Things I'd let Charon do to me and feel pretty alright about.

I shook my head. Damn. I could go to hell for thinking those things. I should really stop. It's not like you're not going there anyways, remember? I hate that voice in the back of my head. The one that reminds me of all the bad things I've done and all the bad things that are going on now. You're never going to really have him, anyways. He's under contract, he'd never really be yours. I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the thoughts. Sure, it was all right, but I didn't want to hear it. For a moment, a simple moment in the Wastes I wanted to pretend, just pretend I could have something. That something as delicate as happiness was within my grasp.

But I know that isn't true. I know that is isn't in my grasp. It's in fact, very far from me. Charon can never really be mine because he doesn't have all of himself. I mean, how fucked up would that be? Just think about it, I mean, some poor guy who can't even fathom life without that piece of paper is bound to me, and has to kiss me and all that shit. Man, that must be pretty shitty. I smirked to myself, imagining the image of Charon make ga-ga eyes over something. I don't think anything fazed him, really. I'd never seen his expression change, I mean, outside of his eyes.

I clasped and unclasped my fists. My knuckles hurt, and I can't figure out why. I opened and closed my eyes, trying to see, trying to adjust to the darkness. I could only make out the slim outlines and shades of things. There's no wind in here to remind me I'm alive, just Charon's calm breathing. I tried my best not to look at his silhouette. I didn't want to. You know what I think I've been able to somehow do? When you see something hideous, like a painting, and you stare at it forever, you begin to see it's not that ugly at all. That within its ugliness it's actually pretty…beautiful. Like the city and the desert. In all of its barren, decrepit, abandoned and demolished areas, it's quite beautiful. Like a tragedy. They made us read those in the vault. I had no idea places like the Capitol Wasteland actually existed, though.

I was beginning to view Charon like that ugly painting. After a while, I stopped seeing how unattractive he is. I started seeing him for the good parts of his personality. Like what, Dezbe? Like…like the fact he can match wits with me. Like how he's saved my ass, and comforted me when I needed it. He's always going to be on my side, even if I'm wrong. I think that's pretty admirable. But he'll never really be mine. I caught my breath in my throat. I stole a glance over at Charon. He hadn't said anything, he sat still, against the wall.

I wonder if I said something, he'd answer me. I wonder what would happen if I just moved slightly. Would he jump and feel the area for me? No, no probably not. Unless I go up, there's no way I can fall down. I sighed, quietly, but deeply. I felt my heart trying to race up while I tried to slow it down. In the back of my head I heard the vault kids. I was a kid again. I heard myself, silent, watching everybody. Even as a child I was alone.

I wonder if anyone noticed what I used to do. I used to sit in the back of class, and hold my breath. I'd hold my breath until I passed out. Until someone was standing over me, lightly hitting my cheek to wake me up. They used to think I was fainting. No one noticed I did it on purpose, for attention. I smiled and went along with their accusations. I just smiled, and didn't believe.

That's what I have to do now. I have to smile and not believe. If I don't believe Charon cares, then I won't have to hurt anymore, right? It sounds stupid but, well look at this situation. I would have gotten myself a big piece of Charon if he didn't have that stupid piece of paper. That paper controls me as much as it controls him. I refuse to let myself flow freely because of that paper, because I know of its existence. What a perfectly brilliant way to brainwash someone. It's simply fucking brilliant. It even brainwashes people it has no control over. Wish I had thought of it.

I placed my fingertips on the cold cement. I had to distract myself. I closed my eyes, even though it probably didn't make a difference. I started to remember what the piano keys looked like, and in my head I played the notes as my fingers moved. Up and down, side, up, left right, hold. I could hear it so clearly in my head. I wished I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't feel like…like I missed something important, vital. I'd give up this entire fucking world, this life, just to have someone. To have somewhere to go with that someone. I could have Charon, if I wanted him badly enough. But I couldn't.

I forced my thoughts back on the music notes. I can't be left alone in the silence like this. I get so…so analytical, so crazy. I'm starting to fiend for Jet. I can't keep my thoughts clear, I can't concentrate. At least on some good Jet I could fly high and soar in the winds. I could shoot anyone, and have a blast doing it. Fingers…fingers. I made myself concentrate on my hands. On the movement of the imaginary keys.

"Would you stop tapping?"

I jumped, I had forgotten Charon was even there.

"I'm sorry."

My voice didn't sound like my own. Whenever I got caught up in my thoughts, I lost myself. Its not my fault. But I know a trick, I know how to instantly put on my mask and pretend it's all okay. Sometimes, I wondered if I was so good, even I believed it.

"Why were you?"

I pressed my back up against the wall opposite Charon.

"Bored, I guess."

"I cannot sleep. You should try."

I shook my head.

"I want Jet, Charon."

"Hm."

"You think any of those dead bastards up there have any?"

"Don't you try."

"No, not now, but tomorrow? I could get it then."

"Jet will kill you."

"No…it makes me better."

"It is an inhalant. I was around when they fist made that shit. It is a highly addictive methamphetamine, Dez. Do you want to become the next Wasteland Junkie?"

Even though I knew he couldn't see it, I glared at him in the darkness.

"Dying of an overdose seems like a quick and painless way to go."

"You have a sick obsession with ending your own life. Why not just try enjoying it?"

I cracked my knuckles. In the small room, it sounded so damn loud. I lit another cigarette, and the flame of it danced around in front of me.

"Because it's not that simple, Charon. You've seen most of the same shit I have so far. What do I have to laugh about?"

He didn't answer me right away. He stayed silent, and I thought I had proven my point, won my argument. But I always underestimate you, Charon. I always do.

"It is fairly amusing that both of us are so desired in the Wastes we have to hide in a sewer."

Okay, it made me chuckle. I laughed a bit.

"They want our asses so bad."

"Mhm."

"I must have a pretty nice one."

I smacked my own butt in the darkness. It made me laugh, and choke on the smoke in my mouth. Charon even let out a small chuckle. I don't think he'd ever wholeheartedly laugh, though.

"Charon, you cheer me up. I want to cheer you up."

"I am cheery."

I had to crack a smile. He said it in such a monotone, emotionless pace that it was simply…funny. Like a robot stating they were cheery. I figured it was best not to pry, though, and dropped it.

"Charon? Will you huff Jet with me?"

"No."

"Come on, it'll be funny."

"No."

I sighed, puffing on my cigarette.

"It's weird, sitting in this room like this."

"How?"

Charon, the king of one-worded answers.

"Because…it is. I'm used to light, somewhere. Even after lights out in Megaton, there was a moon. I don't like it."

"Perhaps we may be safe to peek out. Talon would have come and gone by now, once they discovered we were no longer around."

I sat up straight, excited.

"You mean it?"

"Perhaps. Let me check first."

Charon stood, I could see his faint outline. I heard as he started climbing the ladder, and winced as he moved the manhole cover. A thin ray of moonlight streamed in, and I took it as a perfect opportunity to sit in it. Any light is light, I say. Charon looked back down at me, and paused for a minute. He was quiet, and I was quiet, and we just looked.

"Get your things, Miss Dez, we have little time."

I grabbed my pack, and climbed up the ladder. Charon made me wait at the manhole while he checked the perimeter.

"Okay, come."

He whispered to me, and stuck his hand down the hole. I took it, and he lifted me out.

"Hurry."

We went over to the dead mercenaries and took their ammo. I grabbed a few nice handfuls of shotgun shells and shoved them in my pack, reloading my gun first of course.

"Come on!"

Charon hissed at me in the darkness. I found some Psycho, and quickly pocketed it. I stood and jogged over to him.

"Pull up your map. We are going to need an alternate route."

"How about we just go home? That seems like a pretty good route."

"Chicken shit."

I glared at Charon in the green light. He made a face that said 'hurry up and look at your map before we die out here'. Fine, fine, jeez.

"We can go South, towards Evergreen Mills."

"No, that's a Raider hideout. A very large Raider hideout, and we did not pack the Sniper Rifle."

"Huh. Okay. Well, if we walk past Vault 106, we ca head to this bed and breakfast place. It's an hour or two, give or take, but from there we can jump to the Jalbert Brothers Waste Disposal and hop on over to Little Lamplight. It'll make the trip slightly longer, but we avoid Fort Bannister altogether. We can hide at a power station between the bed and breakfast and the disposal if we need to, too."

Charon nodded. It seemed to be the only plan I said that he liked so far.

"You are good at reading maps."

His gruff voice whispered, and I think I may have blushed a bit.

"Turn that off and lets go."

I shut off my Pip-Boy, we were trying to be 'stealthy', and followed Charon into the darkness. Once I said a direction, he seemed to know exactly which way to go.

"Did you find any ammo?"

I nodded at him, pointing to my shotgun.

"Locked and loaded."

"Good."

We walked, we had an hour or two trip and the night was young. We would need to rest up a bit before traveling again, because we'd probably run into more Talons.

"Charon? Do you think the Talons will be looking for us?"

"Yes. They won't know which direction we went, so they'll be scattered."

"Does it scare you?"

"Excuse me?"

I swallowed hard and told myself if he didn't want to answer, he wouldn't.

"Does it scare you, to think that you could be taken by them, and forced to show them how to make more…more mercenaries like you?"

I saw Charon's white eyes reflecting in the moonlight.

"Yes. It terrifies me."

I hadn't expected that answer. I didn't expect an answer at all, actually. I didn't know what to say or how to react. I nodded. I understand you more and more with each passing day, Charon. But still, you cannot outwit me.

"Is this bed and breakfast we are going to, a Raider camp?"

I hadn't thought of that. Shit. I looked at him, and nodded.

"Probably."

Charon nodded back and took out his shotgun. He cocked it and put it back on his back.

"It is unusually dark tonight."

"We're used to having a fire."

"Maybe that is it."

We kept walking together, carefully listening to anything that moved or made a sound. I'd never been so scared in my life. It felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. I put my hand over it for good measure. I swallowed hard, trying to be as quiet as I possibly could. There was no way I'd be able to, no way. I was shaking. I wanted Jet. I had some Psycho, I could take that. Yes.

Putting down my pack, I accidentally made Charon stop short.

"Dez, what are you doing?"

I didn't answer him as I dug around, searching for the Psycho. I had heard it made you stronger, but pretty dumb. I heard the high wasn't as good as Jet, but it was something. I needed something to calm myself, make myself ignorant to the world.

"Dez?"

I ignored Charon again, and found the Psycho. I pulled it out, and smiled to myself.

"Where did you get that?"

Charon had a tone of danger in his voice as he eyed the drug in my hand. I looked at him, a stupid grin on my face.

"From the dead Talon guys. I heard the high with this is pretty alright."

"Dez that's worse than Jet."

"Eh."

"I would prefer it if you gave that to me, please."

He outstretched his hand. I pulled the Psycho closer to me, wrapping it in both hands.

"Get your own, I'm not sharing."

"Dez, give me the Psycho."

I shook my head at him.

"Finders keepers, Charon. Finders keepers."

"Dez this is serious, you do not know what you are tampering with."

He grabbed my wrist and squeezed. I held fast to the drug, glaring at him.

"I need it Charon, give it to me."

He tightened his grip, and I flinched slightly from the pain. His fingers worked my thin wrist, toying with the bone. I didn't let go of the Psycho, though. I didn't want to. He took his other hand and tried to pry it out of my grip.

"Charon, you're hurting me."

I told him, but he didn't let up.

"Charon! I order you to let go!"

Instantly he dropped my wrist. I rubbed it as it throbbed painfully. I moved my fingers, trying to get the circulation back into them. Charon stared at me, looking…looking like he did something wrong.

"Miss Dez please hand over the Psycho."

I glared at him.

"No, it's mine."

"We cannot risk going into a fight with you high. I will not risk it."

"Doesn't Psycho make you stronger?"

"For a short time, yes. A very short time. After that you're pretty much rendered useless."

I eyed the drug in my hand.

"Dez, please, give me the drug."

Charon outstretched his hand again, and I sighed loudly.

"You better find me some fucking Jet."

I handed him the Psycho. He quickly crushed the canisters in his fist and a liquid leaked out. He shook it off his hand and wiped it on his armor.

"Thank you, Dez."

I rolled my eyes and lit a cigarette. Charon and I continued our journey to Kaelyn's Bed and Breakfast. I could see the old, broken ruins of the house in the slight moonlight. Charon took the gun from his back, and grumbled something.

"What you say?"

I looked up at him. He glanced at me.

"I said get your gun. There's Raiders."

I nodded and pulled my gun out. Sure enough, the sounds of two or three Raiders came from the house. We tried to be stealthy, and use the advantages of night to creep up on them. It would have worked just fine, too, but I stepped down, and heard a beeping.

"Shit."

I said, and Charon and I dove behind the nearest rock. A frag mine exploded, momentarily lighting up the dark night.

"Hey! Whose there?"

One of the Raider girls hollered. Charon glared at me.

"What? I didn't see it!"

He shook his head, and stood up. Shotguns are usually close-ranged weapons, mine especially, but I must say Charon's had some reach on it. He was able to take out a Raider girl who was charging at him with some sort of melee weapon yards before the range of my own weapon would have hit.

"Better her than me."

He said, cocking his gun again. I ran ahead of him, dodging more frag mines. They were easy to spot now that I was paying attention, and I realized how I could just lightly quickstep past them. A boy Raider waited inside the house, and I tried to get him before he saw me. It didn't work. He was holding a Missile Launcher, and spotted me. Just barely I dodged it, running into the broken frame of the house. A set of wooden planks led the way to the second floor where the Raider with the big gun stood.

I took the opportunity to run up the planks while he was busy reloading. Missile Launchers were pretty fuckin' badass, but you better have good aim. They were one-shot and a bitch to reload.

"Hey asshole!"

I yelled, aiming my shotgun. The Raider looked up at me, his eyes wide. I smiled at him, and blew his goddamned brains straight to hell.

"Dumb bitch."

I muttered, and looked around. Charon was approaching the house, trying to dodge the mines. I laughed at his difficulty, leaning on the edge of a broken wall.

"Goddamnit!"

I heard him yell as he fell down in the dirt.

"Come on Charon, I don't have all night."

He grumbled something to me, and after some more difficulty, made it into the ruined house.

"We will be protected tonight, to say the least."

He complained, climbing up the wooden planks. I kicked the dead Raider body over the edge. He fell to the floor, landing with a soft 'thud'. I packed up his Missile Launcher and last missile. You know, to scrap and whatnot. And who knows, we actually might need it. Charon made it up to the second flood landing area with me, and sat down. I found an old mattress, and took a seat on it, shoving my pack in a far corner.

I watched as Charon yawned, stretching and rubbing his eyes. I yawned too, mimicking him. Pulling up the map on my Pip-Boy, I read it over quickly.

"If we don't stop and keep going through the power station and the dump, we can make it to Little Lamplight in half a day, maybe by sundown tomorrow."

Charon nodded.

"That is good to hear."

I turned off my Pip-Boy, resting my back against the old wood. The night was still young, and I was so fucking tired. Charon stretched himself down on the wooden floor, and I frowned.

"Hey, I am sitting on a mattress you know."

He opened his eyes and cocked an eyebrow.

"Did you just realize that?"

I sighed, smiling a bit.

"I mean, here, you sleep first. Really."

I scooted off the mattress and walked over to him. Lightly I tried to roll him over to the bed. He was heavy, and I gave up.

"Come on Charon, go."

He sat up and nodded.

"If you insist."

Charon stood up and walked over to the bare mattress. He laid down on it, and almost instantly I heard the sounds of his snores. I smirked. He must have been really tired. Maybe all that fighting really wore on him.

I felt a little bad. We were always fighting and I never liked resting because, well, what is the point? I have too much energy for my own good sometimes, and I forget that Charon isn't like me. I forget to sleep just like I forget to eat. It sounds crazy, but it's just not one of my top priorities.

Pulling up my Pip-Boy, I started to mess with it. There was no real way to get it off, unless you were very, very skilled with technology. I mean, I could use a Bonesaw to get it off, but I think that might be a little too messy. I smirked to myself, waving the giant wrist computer in front of me. I wonder how crazy I looked, having this thing attached. Outside of the Vault 101 jumpsuit, it was the only other dead giveaway that I am not originally from the Capitol Wasteland. Not many people really noticed it right off the bat, because it looks like a Power Fist, but I notice it. It's annoying.

I would have died without it, though. The map was a great help, and me being the explorer that I am, I was able to get all the areas in the Capitol Wasteland marked on my map. Of course, I haven't discovered all of them, but damn it was a help when travelling. I knew where things were, at least. I wasn't aimlessly wandering around the desert. Which is always a positive.