Chapter Thirty-Six

Forever On

The only breaks they took for training were the necessary ones. Sal forced water and sleep on Harry and Tonks. He didn't worry so much about Remus, because the professor was responsible enough and didn't do most of the drills with the other two. He watched, critiqued, taught… but left the demonstrating up to Tonks. By the end of the weekend, Harry was sore and snappish. He avoided Paradise and Aurora. He stayed away from the rest of the students remaining in the castle. He wanted to be able to defend himself.

But Tonks could pick him apart without her wand, with her wand, in the body of a three year old, in every possible permutation of their sparring. When they meleed with the chess pieces, Remus tore him to shreds. He'd killed Voldemort (again) first year and a basilisk second year, but his luck seemed to be failing him against professor and auror. Perhaps it was because he wasn't going in for the kill. And, well, wasn't that a morbid thought?

A restless Harry rolled out of bed at two o'clockish on Wednesday the 5th. He was supposed to be sleeping. Sal had insisted, and Tonks and Remus agreed, that they needed at least nine hours a day for sleep. The past couple of nights, Harry had really only gotten three or four, and it seemed to be eluding him again tonight. The exhausted student dug his invisibility cloak out of his trunk and threw it over his head. He didn't want Tonks following him, he really didn't. She was nice enough and all, but sometimes she just got too loud and too boisterous when all he wanted to do was sit and read.

The already empty castle seemed emptier without the majority of the students. Harry paced around the moving staircases for a while. He liked it there. They could spit him out on the randomest of floors sometimes. But tonight, he ended up on the seventh, at the very top of the main part of the castle. This area of the castle was empty, but it was also the area Aurora had first found him, pacing the hallways under an invisibility cloak and cursing whatever monster had taken Hermione away from him.

And then again, when he'd run to her, telling her the truth. And she listened.

And then again, when he told her how much he wanted to stay at Hogwarts over the summer. How she listened and believed.

Out of everyone, Aurora was his first real supporter.

Maybe he should go talk to her, Harry thought, as he turned a corner and continued his pace. She'd still be up. Normally, her midnight classes would have ended just half an hour ago, and she always tried to stay on an astronomer's sleep cycle. Well, he really didn't know her habits all that well. Had she changed all that much since last year? Maybe it was really Harry himself who'd changed. He didn't really know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He rounded another corner. And, hang on. Where those sobs?

Sure enough, Aurora Sinistra was tucked into one of the crannies they'd once used to meet at if anything went wrong. Something was obviously wrong. Harry slid the invisibility cloak off his shoulders and stepped into the cranny. She didn't notice him at first. "Aurora?"

She started. Something metallic clanged against the stone. "Harry? What on earth are you doing out of bed?"

He didn't answer at first. "I guess… the same thing I did all of last year."

"Harry." There was honestly no emotion in her voice. It was flat. Tired and desolate, almost, but strong enough to mask those emotions. Oh… Oh how desolate she seemed. "Tell me, Harry, have you ever considered just giving up?"

The complete desperation in her voice slapped Harry in the gut. Aurora was always his strong point. Even, even in the past couple of months when he'd gone to Neville and Able, or Selene, or Remus, or Hermione, even as he'd stood as the strength for half of Hogwarts, he'd only done it because she was still strong. The astronomy mistress had been his solid ground in the back of his mind and he hated to see her fallen. "What… what happened?"

"Nothing, really, nothing."

Harry shifted his weight. "You know, I can tell when people are lying."

She didn't answer.

"Aurora, please." Fear shook his voice. He didn't understand. She was never supposed to be so desolate and silent. She was the strong professor who never let him quit. She'd literally dragged him through the latter half of last year. She refused to let him care what others thought about it. She refused to let him wallow in self-pity over Hermione's absence. She took him in, when no one else did. And she was weak… that scared him.

After another moment, Aurora sighed. "There's some things that I don't want you to understand, Harry. Not at this moment. Sometimes, other adults can be cruel. Nasty, even. And sometimes, there's nothing you can do about it."

"Kids too," Harry said.

Aurora shook her head. "No. All those Slytherins you once would have worn were nasty? Harry, you changed Hogwarts. These changes will not be easily undone. The students of this year, whoever it was—"

"Patricia," Harry interrupted again. "She did it. Well, with help. And—"

"Harry."

He trailed off. Around them, the dark castle shivered. It was so empty. Empty castles bleed.

"You're an amazing kid, Harry. But you can't fix everything."

He bit the inside of his cheek. Why? He wanted her to stop! He wanted to run away and never face her weaknesses again. No, it was all wrong. She couldn't be curled into a ball, crying in the middle of a hallway. She was teacher, his guardian, his support. Please, please, this was wrong.

"And so I've sat back and watched. All this time. These past couple of months, the only thing I can see is the day you break down. The day you stop. The day you give up. The day everything that's been accomplished in these past couple of months just ends."

He couldn't breathe. His heart pounded against his chest. Hedwig's gentle touch pushed her way into his mind. Come to me, her voice whispered. Come to me. He didn't look at Aurora, no, that he couldn't have handled. Almost instinctually, he curled his hand around the fabric of his invisibility cloak and left. The empty walls closed around him, crying for noise, for people, for attention. For memories. Harry couldn't think. Memories invaded him, bore down on him. He knew all these things had never happened, no, no…

The first time he stumbled was on the fourth floor.

"He got a Firebolt for Christmas."

He struggled back to his feet. Hedwig?

Here. Come quickly.

Where is here?

"A Firebolt? No! Seriously? A – a real Firebolt?"

The memories were wrong. This had never happened. It wasn't real.

But it was reality.

o.o.o.o.o.o

By the time he reached Hedwig, the false memories had buried themselves too deep into Harry's mind. His owl perched on an unknown perch in an unknown room in an unknown part of the Castle. "Hedwig…" Harry gasped. It was all he could process.

She hooted.

"Why did Aurora give up?"

Hedwig shook her head. She took flight and flew in a quick circle around the room. Harry refocused on his surroundings. It was just an ordinary room. A pedestal sat equidistant from all seven walls. Seven? The disoriented third year counted the walls of the room again. The room wasn't large, but the curved ceiling and angled corners made him feel incredibly small. He swallowed and stepped towards the pedestal. He was too short to see the tiny artifact resting on top of the stone statue until he was right next to it. Hedwig alighted on the perch behind him.

It was a heart. A small, stone, beating heart. Harry frowned. "Hogwarts?"

Hedwig cooed.

He reached out, but his fingers couldn't touch the stone. His flesh seared. Harry jerked away and stared, in calm numbness, and stared at his burnt hands.

More burns.

Hogwarts shuddered in response.

He felt it, running through the stone, running through his legs, running through the entire stoneworked castle. The very life itself of the venerable wonder of magic was crying. And it hurt. All the memories and emotion washed over him again, and what limited occlumency he knew didn't keep it out. Real memories, false memories, memories long past, memories long gone, people he knew, people he didn't know, memoires of… memories of everything. The sentient castle had watched many of the most influential people in Britain's magical society grow from children to adults. The castle knew, in short, everything.

No human soul could handle everything.

Hogwarts is sick, Hedwig said, softly. The bumblebee made Hogwarts sick.

And Harry saw it. He saw all of Dumbledore's lies and calculations, all of his manipulations and mistakes, all of his future plans and past successes. He saw the Heart of Hogwarts shrivel in on itself, forced to enact mental cruelty, subjugated to a force it hated… The pain and sadness nearly drove Harry to his knees.

It wasn't just Aurora who had given up.

Hogwarts had stopped believing.

Tears streamed from Harry's face. He reached out again. The energy burned his hands, but he ignored that. They might as well be crisp to the bone. He laid his hands around the heart, cupping it in his burning hands. He gave Hogwarts his love, his believe, his hope, his all.

Hogwarts.

Harry crumbled to the cold stone ground. Hedwig swooped around the room again.

The castle lived.