Chapter 36: "My interest is self-motivated"
"I've got an idea," John strode into my lab a few days later. He was dressed in the black Atlantis BDU's and it struck me anew how attractive he was in black. Eyeing him with interest I found myself wondering if he was wearing one of those tight black t-shirts underneath his shirt. He'd already been dressed when I'd woken up that morning … back before we got together I used to daydream about John Sheppard in that tight black t-shirt.
"What's with the smirk?" he asked, stopping a few steps from where I was sitting.
"Nothing," I said innocently. Some thoughts, even between a man and his wife, were more fun when they were kept a secret. "What's this about an idea?"
"Okay, hear me out before you go reacting," John began. Not the best introduction I'd ever heard.
"So far I'm not finding this idea inspiring John and I haven't even heard what it is yet," I pointed out.
"Just listen," he insisted. "You've been feeling left out because you're not on Lorne's off world team anymore. That's because you don't have a reason to be involved in discussions about what's going on in the city. What if you did have a reason?"
"What reason would there be?" I narrowed my eyes, getting the inkling that I really wasn't going to like where this was going.
"I was thinking assistant to Mr Woolsey," John said, holding up a warning finger when I wanted to say something and hurriedly continuing with his sales pitch. "Think of it as a kind of deputy leadership role. People respect you – you've been here since day one and that counts for something around here. Woolsey doesn't have a backup which means a lot of the information about the decisions being made for the civilian side of the expedition rest solely with him."
"You mean him and his copious notes," I said sarcastically.
"No matter how thorough his reports are, they can't take the place of personal knowledge," John persisted. "We have a chain of command for the military. Why not have one for the non-military side of things as well?"
While I wanted to shoot his idea down in flames I had to admit that he'd made a few good points. The military did have a chain of command that ensured no matter what happened people would always have someone to look to, with no room for anyone to argue in a crisis about who it should be. Yet our leader was a civilian. If something happened, would it be clear who should take over to follow through on Mr Woolsey's plans?
"Ha!" John grinned. "You can't argue it's not a good idea, can you?"
"No," I admitted. "In general I think you're on to something and I can't believe it's never come up before now."
"That means we shouldn't have any trouble selling it to everyone, because it's logical," John looked very pleased with himself and I hated to burst his bubble but I could see a couple of big flaws he obviously hadn't considered.
"Like I said, the idea itself is a good one," I began, "but the suggestion that I should be Mr Woolsey's deputy is ludicrous."
"It's not ludicrous," John retorted, irritated. "Why shouldn't it be you?"
"Oh, let me see," I couldn't help the sarcastic note that entered my voice as I listed all the reasons I could come up with, far too easily. "One, technically I'm not even from the same race as everyone else. I think they'd want an actual human from planet Earth to represent them. Second, the appointment of a deputy would be a matter for the I.O.A. and I'm definitely not on the list of people they'd support. Third, I'm your wife – my objectivity is going to be questioned. How can I represent the civilians when I'm in bed with the military every night? And last, but by no means least, Mr Woolsey considers me to be on a par with the dirt he'd find on his shoes, judging by the sneer on his face whenever he has to talk to me. He'd never agree to this, no matter how great an idea he thinks it is."
"Is that all?" John asked when I finally stopped talking.
"Probably not but isn't that enough?" I demanded incredulously.
"You left out not wanting to be in charge of anything," John pointed out sagely.
He was right, that was a pretty big thing to leave out. I frowned, considering what it meant. Did I actually want to take on that kind of role? I'd never sought out a leadership role in the past and never felt the need to be in charge just for the sake of it.
"I don't know if I'd want to do it or not but it doesn't matter," I dismissed. "It's not gonna happen because I'd only do it if it came about the right way, and having my husband create a position so I have an official reason to satisfy my nosiness about what everyone is up to definitely isn't the right way."
"I'm not creating a position for you," John protested. I raised a brow at him disbelievingly and he relented. "Okay, maybe that's the reason I started thinking about it, but once the idea occurred to me it took on a life of its own. I don't think anyone can deny it's a position we need to fill."
I considered the possible courses of action and just how stubborn John was going to be about this and made a quick decision. "All right then," I said.
"You'll do it?" John looked surprised.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" I questioned mildly.
"Well, yeah, it is. I just didn't think you'd give in so easily."
"Oh, didn't you hear my unspoken conditions?" I smiled when he grimaced. "I'll do it if the I.O.A. approves the position as being necessary and if after a proper process of selection I'm the one they decide is the best person for the job. Teyla's been here just as long as I have and she was the leader of her people – she has experience and is just as well respected, probably more."
John looked pained but he nodded. "Fine. We'll put it through official channels. But if they see it like I do and decide you're the best person for the job, you don't try to wriggle out of it."
He knew me too well. As a concept I could see the merit in Mr Woolsey having a backup but if it came down to the I.O.A. actually wanting to appoint me, I knew I'd question their motives and I'd be reluctant to go along with it. That would reflect badly on John. If he pushed this I'd have to stick by my decision – I couldn't be hasty about it.
"How about you put forward the idea first without suggesting a suitable candidate," I suggested. "The I.O.A take ages to decide anything – that'll give me time to decide it this is something I can really see myself doing. We should think about what impact this would have on our relationship too."
"Why would it have anything to do with our relationship?" John asked, confused.
"You're the military leader John," I reminded him. "If something happened and I ended up having to speak for the civilians, that could put us on opposite sides of the table."
"That would never happen," John protested, "but if, on the extremely unlikely premise that it did, we'd handle it."
"I still need to think about this," I insisted. "I'm not a leader John … if you could assure me that I'd never have to actually step into Mr Woolsey's shoes it would be an easier decision because I do like the idea of being a kind of backup. It would mean I'd have a position that would help me argue for the small stuff people need but don't currently have a way to progress. I just don't think I could step up and make decisions for the entire city. If I can't entertain that possibility it would be like joining the military but telling everyone I don't want to fight."
"You wouldn't have to do it alone," John said irritably. "I'd be there, number one. And if I wasn't, you'd still have Teyla and Lorne and a whole bunch of other people to help you."
"Pitch your idea to Mr Woolsey first. He might not agree that it's needed, which would be the end of it."
"I already did," John admitted just a little smugly. I wasn't surprised – assuming it was something I'd want to do, he wouldn't want to raise my expectations and have them dashed at the first hurdle.
"And he was in favour of it?"
"Said the same thing as you – that in hindsight it's a surprise the issue hasn't come up before."
"Did you suggest I could take on the job?"
"Of course," John retorted.
"And he didn't run away screaming?" I joked.
"As a matter of fact, no he didn't," John drawled. "He agreed that with the connection you have with both galaxies and your experiences here, you'd make an ideal candidate."
"An ideal candidate, not the ideal candidate."
"It's Woolsey," John gave me one of his 'come on – work with me here' looks. "He's a politician. He's never gonna commit himself publicly to anything that could come back and bite him later. He'll want to hedge his bets, and that's fine as long as he's willing to support your name on the list of possibilities." He looked at me hopefully. "So, what do you say?"
"Okay, sure, why not," I waved a hand grandly. "Sign me up. I live to serve."
"Check-in is tomorrow – if I do it now Woolsey will have time to include suggested candidates with the request to create the new position," John grinned, ruffling my hair before striding away.
"Me … being deputy to Mr Woolsey," I muttered under my breath, thinking that it wasn't that long ago I'd overheard him telling Elizabeth Weir what a bad influence I was on John. "God, how the world turns!" Deciding that talking to myself probably wasn't a sign of anything good, I resolutely pushed the whole conversation with John aside and returned my attention to my work.
For the first time that anyone could recall, the I.O.A. managed to both deliberate on something and make a decision between one check-in and the next. Maybe they'd turned over a new leaf but more likely they were pushed into action by the invitation Atlantis received, to be a part of a new collation of Pegasus galaxy planets.
When I received an email from Mr Woolsey requesting a meeting, I thought perhaps he needed more information about why I wanted the deputy job.
Instead, as soon as I'd sat in the chair across from his desk, noticing anew how the same office could look so different in the hands of three very different leaders, Mr Woolsey informed me that the I.O.A. had made their decision.
"The members were unanimously in agreement that Atlantis would benefit from deputy leadership for the civilian side of the expedition," Woolsey advised me. "Their decision as to who that deputy should be takes into account what personnel we have here as well as the circumstances of their employment and ongoing responsibilities."
I frowned, trying to work out what he was saying, in his roundabout way.
"Since anyone deputising for me is likely to have other responsibilities to the expedition, the I.O.A. have set the terms of reference initially to cover the next six months, at which time they will review the effectiveness of the position and set more long standing conditions."
"Did they say who they're appointing?" I finally asked, impatient with all the circling around Mr Woolsey was doing.
"They have," Woolsey gave me what passed for a smile in his world. "I'm happy to reveal that the person they'd like to take on the role for the trial period is you, Mrs Sheppard."
"Really?" I was genuinely surprised, a fact Woolsey picked up on.
"You put your name forward thinking you wouldn't get the job?" he asked curiously.
"No," I replied. "I just never thought the I.O.A. would take that kind of risk. I'd tell anyone who asks that I'm from Earth but the I.O.A. representatives are all well aware of my true origins."
"I believe they saw that as a positive," Woolsey revealed. "We have people here representing many countries from Earth but we also have a growing contingent of Pegasus natives."
"And they see me as representing both," I concluded.
"I believe so," Woolsey agreed. "All that remains is for you to make a decision about whether you'd like to accept the I.O.A. offer," he took a single sheet of paper from a folder on his desk and held it out to me. "There are the conditions and remuneration details for your perusal. I would appreciate your decision at your earliest convenience … there is another matter the I.O.A. discussed that directly impacts on our position here."
"Okay," I took the letter and folded it, putting it in my pants pocket. "Before I make a decision, I have to ask how you personally feel about my being appointed to be your backup."
"As I said to Colonel Sheppard, it makes good common sense for all key positions within the expedition to have an assigned deputy," Woolsey explained. "On a personal note, it may free up my time to undertake some activities I simply don't have time for currently."
"Then you don't have any concerns if I'm the one taking on the role?" I didn't know how to check that he was okay working with me, without coming out and admitting that I'd overheard his less than complimentary opinion of me when John was promoted and given command of Atlantis.
"Of course not," Woolsey insisted in that business like way of his.
"Okay then … I ah, I guess I'll talk to John about it tonight and let you know my decision tomorrow," I suggested. "Is that soon enough?"
"That will be sufficient," Mr Woolsey agreed. "If you do decide to take the job, there's a briefing with Colonel Sheppard's team set for 0900 hours, to discuss that other I.O.A. matter I mentioned. It would be beneficial if you were to attend."
I nodded. "I'll let you know my decision as soon as I've made it then." Thanking him, I left his office, my thoughts full of the pros and cons of taking such a big step in a different direction. I knew that John was all for it but he was also the founding member of the Sabina Sheppard fan club – I don't think he could be objective about me if he tried. I needed a second opinion … well, probably more than one.
Glancing at the clock I worked out that my first 'second opinion' would be where he usually was when not off world. Walking into the gym a short time later I smiled, catching sight of Ronon working out with a staff weapon.
"Hey," he acknowledged my presence even as he continued to swing the staff rapidly in a series of complicated looking patterns.
"You make that look easy," I commented.
"Teyla said she'd been teaching you," Ronon paused to look at me. "You want to work out? I'll take it easy on you."
"I think Doctor Keller would give me hell if she found out I'd sparred with you, even if it was just pretend sparring," I admitted with a laugh. "I'm nowhere near in your class anyway – I think Teyla decided on the staff to give me something to hold on to so I wouldn't fall over all the time trying to follow her patterns."
"Fair enough," Ronon swung the staff a few more times before putting it aside. "You're here for something though."
"I am," I agreed. "I wanted to get your opinion about something, if you've got time?"
"Sure, I've got time," Ronon agreed. "What is it?"
"Did John tell you about his brilliant idea for Mr Woolsey to have a civilian deputy?" I asked.
Ronon nodded. "He mentioned it."
"Well, it turns out the I.O.A. agree with him. They've approved the position and offered it to me."
"So?"
"So, what do you think?" I asked a bit impatiently.
"What do you think?" Ronon countered.
"That it would give me something meaningful to do but that I'm not exactly the pin up girl for protocol and following the rules."
"Maybe that's what Woolsey needs," Ronon suggested.
"Maybe," I allowed. It never hurt to see things from a different point of view and I was pretty confident that Mr Woolsey and I would look at most things differently. "But can you see me in that kind of leadership role?" I asked uncertainly.
"You're worried because if something happens to Woolsey you'd be expected to step up and cover for him."
"Something like that."
"Woolsey is a rule follower," Ronon summarised. "There's little chance what you're worrying about will happen but if it did, you'd handle it."
"So you think I should take the job?" I asked.
"Better you than someone else," Ronon said simply.
I smiled. "Okay, thanks Ronon. I'll leave you to get back to your practice," I added, making my way back towards the doors.
"Are you gonna take it?" he asked just as I got there.
"I'm leaning in that direction," I admitted, raising my hand in a little wave before I strode away.
When I spoke to Teyla a short time later her comments closely aligned with Ronon's … as far as my fellow Pegasus galaxy colleagues went, it was a done deal.
There was one other person I wanted to talk to though, and I found him in his office, located next door to John's. Major Lorne was doing his paperwork when I knocked on the door and he waved me in with a welcoming smile.
"I don't see you down this way very often," he commented. "What can I do for you?"
I filled him in on the latest about the deputy position, assuming John would have mentioned it to him to.
"So you want my opinion about whether you should do it?" he asked when I was finished.
"You're in a similar position but you have the chain of command and plenty of opportunity to take command," I replied. "I've never done anything like this before. You know me Evan … you know my capabilities better than anyone. Do you really think I've got 'deputy leader' in me?"
Rather than give me a stock answer, Evan did me the courtesy of actually thinking about it. "You'd stand up to Woolsey if you thought he was going down the wrong path – he doesn't need a 'yes man' so that would be a positive thing," he began. "You've got a good, logical head on your shoulders Sabina … if you can curb your tendency to rush into things I think you'd make a good deputy. Don't forget, you'd get the chance to grow into the role. If by some chance down the track you needed to step up to fill Woolsey's position temporarily, I think you'd have gained enough confidence by then to do it well."
It was the kind of summary I'd come to Evan for and I appreciated his honesty. "I think I should do it but I'm nervous too," I admitted.
"Understandable," Evan replied. "Take the chance Sabina – if you genuinely discover the role isn't for you, you can always step down, let someone else have a go."
"That's a good point," I nodded. "It's a trial position anyway – I can think of it as a trial for whether I want to do the job as well as a trial for whether that kind of position will work here."
"You could," Evan agreed. "What did Colonel Sheppard say?"
"I haven't told him the I.O.A. offered it to me yet," I admitted. "He was so enthusiastic about the whole thing I wanted to get some unbiased opinions before he started colouring me with his eagerness."
"He wants you to be happy," Evan said simply, "and he thinks this would make you happy."
"I'll have to try it because otherwise I'd be wondering if he was right."
"There you go then," Evan grinned. "Problem solved. Anything else I can help you with?"
"I think that's enough for one day," I stood, and then paused. "Do you know what Woolsey's meeting with John's team tomorrow morning is about? He said it was something the I.O.A. has discussed."
"I don't know," Evan checked his calendar quickly, "That meeting isn't on my schedule."
"Mr Woolsey said I should be there," I frowned, "You should be too – otherwise it doesn't make sense. Aren't you John's backup like I would be Mr Woolsey's?"
"I guess so," Evan shrugged. "The military does it differently."
"Makes it hard for you then," I pointed out. "John goes off world all the time and they've had delays getting back here. You have to cover for him all the time but you don't get all the information to help you?" I shook my head. "I think I'll mention that to Mr Woolsey when I speak to him about the position."
"You haven't agreed yet and you're already thinking about changes," Evan chuckled. "I'm not sure the city's ready for you."
"My interest is self-motivated," I quipped. "If by some freak chance Mr Woolsey goes missing, John's team would probably be out there looking for the man, leaving me to cover for him. I'd rather have you fully informed and helping me out than in the dark about what's going on."
"Fine, mention it to Mr Woolsey," Evan allowed.
"I will," I grinned. "I'll let you know what he says."
"You do that," Evan gave me a vague, 'get out of here and get on with it' gesture, already turning back to his paperwork.
All that was left was for me to track John down and tell him the I.O.A. had offered me the deputy position. He'd know I'd discussed it with the others first and I just had to hope he didn't take offence that I hadn't talked to him first.
The next morning, after an uncomfortable moment when Mr Woolsey announced the I.O.A. decision to appoint me as deputy for a six month trial, the meeting moved on to it's main purpose. Atlantis had been approached by a new coalition of Pegasus planets to participate in a gathering to talk about governance in the galaxy.
"While we're under no obligation to attend," Mr Woolsey said, "the I.O.A. believe it represents our best chance to gain widespread support, leading to benefits translatable to Earth."
"Makes sense," John agreed. "What do we know about this coalition?"
"Unfortunately, not a great deal," Woolsey admitted. "We could spend some time investigating what is known with some of our allies, but since we're not in a position to delay the first meeting, the I.O.A. believe attending should carry a higher priority."
"So we'd be going in blind?" John frowned.
"To some degree, yes," Woolsey agreed. "The risk is minimal, given the meeting place is a planet known to us, one who's residents we've dealt with favourably in the past."
"Okay," John shrugged. "I'd rather know more up front but we can consider it a reconnaissance mission as well."
"We'll be on standby here, ready to send in back up," Major Lorne added.
"Yes," Woolsey acknowledged. "So we're in agreement?"
I held back a smile - everyone there knew with the I.O.A. pushing for it, any disagreement without something key to back it up wasn't going to be listened to.
John glanced at Ronon, Teyla and then Rodney before nodding. "When's this meeting scheduled?"
"Tomorrow, 0900 hours."