It had taken some fancy footwork to keep himself out of the cooler. Klink had, of course, been furious. All that work to capture The Fourth Horseman, and it hadn't kept him off the Russian Front. But, after enduring some hysterics, Hogan had reminded the Kommandant that, technically, he had held up his end of the bargain. He had only promised to help Klink find Potter. Klink had just assumed the rest.
Either way, Klink was worrying for nothing. The ball was already rolling. If everything had gone according to plan, the boys would be back any minute, and Burkhalter wouldn't be far behind.
Just then, the barracks door opened and Newkirk slipped in. "General Burkhalter's just pulled into camp, Colonel," he reported.
Hogan checked his watch again. "What? He's early. Can't these Germans ever be punctual?"
"They back yet?" Newkirk asked, nodding towards the tunnel entrance.
"Not yet," Hogan replied. He glanced over and then to his watch. "Look. I gotta go. If Klink insists on a roll call, I'll try to delay it. Make sure Wilson gets up here."
And with that, he left the barracks and jogged up to Klink's office. He could hear Burkhalter yelling from outside. With nothing more than a token knock, Hogan opened the door and let himself in.
"Colonel Klink, I'd like to lodge a formal-" he cut himself off. "Oh, General Burkhalter," he greeted brightly. "Back so soon?"
"Hogan!" Burkhalter barked. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I was just about to tell the Kommandant here that my men are about to riot over what we've been getting for breakfast and-"
"I do not have time for you, Hogan!"
"Colonel Potter has escaped," Klink explained, glancing nervously at Burkhalter.
"He did not escape!" Burkhalter snapped. "We were ambushed by commandos!"
Hogan snapped his fingers and clicked his tongue. "Gee that's too bad. Especially after Colonel Klink sent off that report about your heroic efforts in capturing him."
Burkhalter paled for a moment before turning dark red. "Klink! How could you send in that report?! Do you realize what could happen to me?"
Colonel Klink shrank and manoeuvred himself strategically on the other side of his desk, further from Burkhalter. "Well I-"
Hogan made a big show of holding his watch up and tapping its face. "Why, it only left camp about twenty minutes ago. I'm sure if Colonel Klink contacted a checkpoint along the road, they could stop the messenger."
"Klink! Get on the phone. Now!" Burkhalter ordered.
Klink nodded vigorously and grabbed the phone, but Hogan quickly pushed Klink's hand down. "Wait a minute, what about Klink's transfer?"
"What?" Burkhalter growled.
"Well, if Colonel Klink calls back the report, you'll just send him to the Russian front. That doesn't seem very fair, does it?"
"No," Klink ventured timidly. "It doesn't seem fair at all."
"And the General is nothing if not fair," Hogan added.
Hogan could practically see the smoke coming out of Burkhalter's ears. "Klink," the general seethed.
Hogan held up his watch again. "Yep, must be pretty close to HQ by now. Tick tock, General."
"It seems I have no choice," Burkhalter finally said. "Klink, make the call."
"Yes sir, General!" Klink picked up the phone. "Fraulein Hilda? Connect me to checkpoint- uh checkpoint-"
"D-four," Hogan muttered as he leaned closer to Klink.
"Checkpoint D-four." He paused, nervously twitching as he looked back and forth between Burkhalter and the phone cradle. "Yes, checkpoint D-four? This is Colonel Klink of Stalag 13. I sent out a messenger on motorcycle about twenty minutes ago. You haven't seen him yet? When you do, send him straight back here, do you understand me? Mmmhmm. Yes, call me when you do. Yes. Yes. What was that? Oh yes, of course, Heil Hitler."
Klink hung up the phone triumphantly. "Good news, Herr General! The messenger has not made it to headquarters yet."
"Good. As soon as he returns I want that report burnt!"
"Yes, Herr General!"
"Does that include the film too, sir?" Hogan asked innocently.
"The film?" Burkhalter and Klink repeated in unison.
"Yeah, yeah the film. Klink was so proud of you that he took a photo of the report."
"I did? I mean, yes, I did. But I uh- seem to have misplaced my camera."
"And who knows when it will turn up!" Hogan added with a little shrug.
Burkhalter grimaced. Hogan wasn't sure if he believed that Klink had taken a picture, but he also knew the general couldn't afford to take the chance.
"Well, when you find it, let me know," Burkhalter finally said through his teeth. "As for your transfer, I have decided to put it off until the next escape."
"Thank-you, Herr General!" Klink said with a relieved smile.
"Wait a second- the next escape?" Hogan asked. "I haven't heard of any escape. Not from here."
"Are you forgetting Sergeant Carter?" Burkhalter said testily.
"Sergeant Carter? I know we had a Lieutenant Carter here for a while. But he was put on that truck the other day. You know, the one going to Oflag 18. Of course, you might not remember all that, General, what with the air raid and your ankle, sir."
Klink perked up. "Oh yes, now that you mention it, I think the paperwork is around here somewhere."
Before Burkhalter could protest, Hogan continued. "Yep, Lieutenant Carter, off to Oflag 18. I bet he escaped with Colonel Potter too. Of course, the only one who could really confirm that is Colonel Ruebel."
"But Colonel Ruebel is dead!" Klink exclaimed.
"Is he? Boy, talk about rotten luck: losing two new prisoners in one day, then getting shot while looking for them." Hogan clicked his tongue. "Poor Colonel Ruebel."
"Yes," Burkhalter said slowly. "Poor Colonel Ruebel. It is too bad he cannot defend himself against these charges." Burkhalter stroked his chin. "I still have to finish my inspection of Oflag 18. I am sure when I do, I will discover the paperwork for Lieutenant Carter."
Just then the phone rang. Colonel Klink answered it. "Yes? Good, thank you. What? Oh yes, Heil Hitler." After hanging up the phone he clapped his hand. "The messenger is on his way back."
"Good," Burkhalter barked. "Now Klink, I want you to send out some patrols to look for Colonel Potter."
"Now why would a man who escaped Oflag 18 a week ago be around here?" Hogan asked.
"Well because he just escape-" Hogan cut Klink off with a pointed look. "I mean, yes, why would he be around here?"
"Why indeed?" Burkhalter said grudgingly. "He is probably halfway back to England thanks to Colonel Ruebel's incompetence."
"You know, I always thought Colonel Ruebel could learn something from the way we do things here at Stalag 13." Colonel Klink said thoughtfully. "Why we-"
"Don't push your luck," Hogan muttered.
"Uh, yes. Well, I am sure Colonel Ruebel was just unlucky."
"Klink, shut up."
"Yes sir, shutting up."