Episode 35: ProtoMan and the Now Cliched Harry Potter Parody Part 2

Previously, on MegaMan Jr. High:

Light: We're low on money, what should we do?

StarMan: How would you like to have your house become a tourist spot?

Light: Hmmm…..

Tour Guide: And to your left, is an empty cupboard.

Tourists: Ooooohhhh….

Light takes a picture.

We now continue.

ProtoMan has been at his new school for a week. After an awkward first day at school, the staff refined their classes to be more miserable.

ProtoMan: I can't take much more of this, maybe I should just go home.

MagicMan is watching his surveillance camera network. He slapped a sticker saying "Magic!" over all the electronics' serial numbers.

MagicMan: Yes, my plan is working! By the time I'm through with you, you'll wish you were dead! Then I'll make it worse, I'll kill you!

ProtoMan goes into Sprit Breaking with MageMan.

MageMan: Class, we have a very important assignment today! We've been lucky enough to secure a shipment of dung beetles, and I want you to train them to eat toxic waste! Now, we are a little low on gloves/

Sparks start coming out of MageMan's head.

Student: He's contracted a fatal virus!

MagicMan rushes in as fast as he can.

MagicMan: You mean he suffered from a deadly curse!

MagicMan leaves.

MageMan: With my last breath… I leave a needlessly vague clue…

MageMan writes a message in Hylian on the board.

ProtoMan: We need to analyze this!

ProtoMan pours through hundreds of old magazines until he learns how to decipher Hylian.

MagicMan: So much better then just Googling it.

ProtoMan: His final message was… "With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!" I can't believe I just wasted so much time…

ProtoMan goes to potions with SnapeMan.

SnapeMan: Today we're making a potion to work towards our crowning achievement in amusement devices!

We see a Candyland set where the pieces talk.

SnapeMan: But first/

SnapeMan starts sputtering and bleeding sparks.

ProtoMan: Snape? Snape! SNAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPE!

SnapeMan falls over dead.

ProtoMan: A virus/

MagicMan: Curse!

ProtoMan: is killing all the teachers! I wonder if it affects kids also?

MagicMan: That doesn't matter!

ProtoMan: I guess some things about school never change.

Act break.

Act 2:

ProtoMan goes to his next class, Script Writing.

KI: You're ten seconds early! Go wait outside!

ProtoMan goes outside. KI opens the door five minutes later.

KI: You're ten seconds late!

ProtoMan: A virus has been going around, killing the teachers, and possibly the students!

KI: You're the only one who showed up, so that's a safe bet.

ProtoMan: Aren't you worried?

KI: I have the power of SNES. SNES doesn't get viruses, viruses get Chuck Norrised!... Then SNES beats up Chuck Norris or something.

ProtoMan: What could be causing the virus?

KI: Let's see, a chamber hidden in the bathroom? Nah, I don't like poop jokes, debated to even do the dung beetle one. The fart factory by snot hill? Maybe… I've got it! The virus is being caused by some kind of ancient mystical monster in the broom closet!

ProtoMan: That sounds stupid.

KI: How about a broom closet with a small TV in it?

ProtoMan: I miss TV so much… how are you surviving without technology here?

KI: I've been fine so far (KI screams in agony, withers up, and dies) Nah, just kidding. You can use technology here, the whole magic thing is obviously fake. Now go confront the monster.

ProtoMan heads to the Broom Closet of Plot Importance.

ProtoMan: Time to save this horrible school!

ProtoMan enters the closest.

ProtoMan: I see it! The source of the virus!

There's an Atari 400 computer hooked up to the TV, running the school.

ProtoMan: What idiot trusted Atari with their work…

Cut to Nolan Bushnell giving a presentation.

Bushnell: So as you can see by the cheap sticker over the serial number, this TV remote runs not by technology, but by MAGIC!

The auditorium is empty, no one showed up.

Bushnell: I haven't felt this worthless since Johnson turned down my job offer…

Cut back to ProtoMan.

ProtoMan: All I have to do is destroy this computer, once the power source for this whole school is terminated, its problems will be over!

ProtoMan shoots the computer. A power surge occurs, and all the candles go out.

ProtoMan: I saved the school!

ProtoMan triumphantly goes to MagicMan's office.

ProtoMan: I saved the school from the evil curse!

MagicMan: Well, come join the school for a feast!

ProtoMan and the surviving students (apparently there were only three teachers) gather in the main hall.

MagicMan: Students, the dark times for our school have passed. And it's all thanks to ProtoMan!

ProtoMan: I'm a hero! Who cares if the school is horrible, I've found where I belong!

MagicMan: Yes, you have. In the… GRAVE!

KI: That's not where destroyed robots belong!

ProtoMan:…WHAT?

MagicMan: You were supposed to die! The curse was supposed to destroy you! Why didn't it?

KI: The power company shut off the power. Writing "Magic" on a check doesn't mean it counts as bill payment.

MagicMan: AARRRGGGHHHHHH!

ProtoMan: What's going on here! Why are you trying to kill me?

MagicMan: You fool, you don't understand what you took from me!

KI: This is boring. I'm leaving.

Act break.

Act 3:

MagicMan: You stole everything from me!

ProtoMan: I never even met you! Weren't you the science teacher at MegaMan Jr. High or something?

MegaMan: That's my cue. Hi everyone, just popping in because I have to be in every episode.

Zero: What about the second commercial episode? Or the spin-off showcase?

KI: Shut up and leave.

It's back to just ProtoMan and MagicMan.

MagicMan: I'm not who you think!

MagicMan picks up a frying pan and bashes his head.

MagicMan: Why did they make it so that evil disguise programs could only be turned off by significant injury?

MagicMan starts flashing, and changes form.

ProtoMan: DarkMan!

DarkMan: That's right! At the end of the principal for a day episode, you showed up and destroyed me, assumed my life and acted exactly like I did. Most people reading this probably forgot I was even in the series! All you do is complain, you have more then I do!

ProtoMan: So you want revenge on me. That still doesn't explain why you constructed an elaborate Harry Potter parody just to destroy me.

DarkMan: I wanted to crush you from within! Give you your dream of being the main character, turn it into a nightmare, and THEN destroy you, and after that return to your home as you and resuming my old, crappy life!

ProtoMan: I'm not letting you!

DarkMan: I've waited a long time for this! You're not escaping!

ProtoMan: You can't destroy me!

DarkMan: Why not? We act exactly the same, KI doesn't care about you, why shouldn't he just switch us again?

ProtoMan: Um…

DarkMan: There's no rule of clichés to save you! This is a real fight!

DarkMan lunges at ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for replacing me!

DarkMan punches ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for not appreciating your role!

DarkMan punches ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for hogging an entire ProtoMan episode!

DarkMan gives ProtoMan a thank you card for dealing with Jack Thompson.

DarkMan: It's over!

DarkMan charges up his blaster. He's about to shoot ProtoMan in the face when…

MegaMan: I won't let you do this!

MegaMan blasts DarkMan.

ProtoMan: How did you know I was here?

MegaMan: My arts and crafts course is in this castle on a different floor. ProtoMan, come back home!

ProtoMan: I can't tell what I should do! Face my violent death, or go home?

DarkMan: Choose death!

ProtoMan: That does seem to have more logic behind it, but I feel drawn to going home.

DarkMan: Wrong answer!

ProtoMan and DarkMan face each other. They begin charging up their blasters.

DarkMan: Time to die! Avada Kadavra!

Nothing happens.

DarkMan: Gris, it was fake/

ProtoMan's fully charged blast hits DarkMan and he explodes.

ProtoMan: It's over.

MegaMan: And now you've finally learned to be happy with your life and care about your/

ProtoMan fires another charged blast at MegaMan.

MegaMan: Jerk.

And so ProtoMan's ordeal is over! Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!