A/N: Thanks to Vedastus for the inspiration and the beta on this. :) Dialogue is directly from Mockingjay by S. Collins.
I hold the sheath out to Katniss, explaining the symbolism being placed on the coming execution.
She takes it, not looking at me. Finding only the single arrow she asks, "What if I miss? Does Coin retrieve it and bring it back to me? Or just shoot Snow through the head herself?"
"You won't miss," I tell her. They've ensured that. The execution is happening on the front terrace of the mansion, and only ten yards will separate Katniss from her target. She could shoot him in her sleep, with one hand behind her back.
I keep my eyes on the sheath, adjusting the strap to correct its balance on her shoulder. I can't look at her but I can't bring myself to move either. She mentions the hospital, and I know she's asking for an explanation. Why I didn't come. How could I come?
It was Haymitch who showed me the footage. I saw for myself the uncanny similarity of the bombs to my own design. The bomb that killed Prim could have been mine. I didn't want to believe it. I went straight to Beetee, demanding answers, but he didn't know anything either. I tried to find out, but I found nothing. I couldn't face Katniss, not if she was burned by my own bomb, not while she was grieving for Prim.
I don't answer. There is no answer.
Then she asks. Straight out. "Was it your bomb?" She doesn't look at me, just waits.
"I don't know." I admit. "Neither does Beetee." I can't look at her. I can't see what must be written on her face. That I killed Prim. Quietly I say, "Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it."
Maybe she will deny it. It's my only hope. But she doesn't. When I steal a glimpse of her face, her eyes are closed, her face tight. Even if I could prove it wasn't my bomb, I'll always be associated with Prim's death. She can't deny it because it's true. Katniss will never forgive this. She will never be able to look at me, because she will only be reminded of her sister's death.
"That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family," I say quietly. Immediately I wish I could take the words back. It's no way to say goodbye. It only hurts more.
"Shoot straight, okay?" I tell her. I lift my hand and touch her cheek, longing for what I already knew was lost. I turn to go, still wishing for anything but this. Wishing she would stop me, that we could find a way past this. In the hall, Effie Trinket waits to lead Katniss off to meet with Coin. She prattles to me for a minute but I don't hear her.
I find my place in the crowd for the execution. I don't want to see it but there is nowhere else to be. Around me the raucous crowd cheers as President Coin appears on her balcony and Katniss takes her place. I watch in silence as Snow is marched out and the crowd around me erupts again, howling for Snow's death. He already looks like death, eyes sunken and coughing blood.
Katniss positions the arrow and draws her bow, watching Snow. The cause of all of this. Then in one smooth motion, she shifts the direction of the bow and releases her one arrow into President Coin's chest. There is a stunned silence around me as Coin's body topples to the ground.
If I had to choose between Coin surviving and Katniss surviving, there would be no contest. But Katniss just assassinated the de facto leader of the post-rebellion Panem in front of thousands of her supporters.
If I had any doubts about her thoughts on the bomb, they are gone now. We all knew Coin would be happy for Katniss to have died in the war. She had sent Peeta to kill Katniss, but even for that Katniss wouldn't kill Coin. Katniss does what she must to survive, but Coin had claimed her power and was no longer a threat. If she believed that those were Snow's bombs, if there was any doubt in her mind, she'd have killed him. I know in that instant that Katniss killed Coin for Prim. She believes it was my bomb.
I watch in agony as the guards converge on her, as if it were my own execution. Peeta rushes to her. He stops her suicide, his hand blocking her from the little purple pill that promises death. I should have known. I should have thought of that. Then Katniss is calling my name but she is not calling for me to come for her. She is not calling for me to save her. She is calling for me to kill her.
Even if I had my bow, I couldn't do it. Or a gun. I should feel badly that I am failing her yet again, but there is no room left, no way to feel more pain than I already do.
She is hauled away, back into the mansion. And I stand alone, surrounded by strangers. I have driven her to this. I do not deserve to rush to her aid, like Peeta does.
Not guilty by reason of insanity.
Just like that Katniss is absolved of killing Coin. I can't help but think of all those times we argued about the war, about strategy and Coin's motives. I don't know what Coin had planned, or how she would have ruled had she lived. None of that really matters. Snow and Coin are both dead now. Paylor is in power. I don't know if Coin deserved to die. She was ruthless and manipulative. Coin may have used my bomb to kill countless Capitol children and our own rebel medics. For that alone I would want her dead, but not by Katniss' hand. Even if Coin did order the bombing, it couldn't have been targeting Prim specifically. Still, she sent Peeta to our squad. She allowed Prim to join the medical teams in the Capitol. I still have trouble seeing why Coin would put so much effort into destroying the Mockingjay, but I couldn't blame Katniss for believing it. Or did Katniss know something more I didn't?
The defense didn't use me to give testimony at her trial. I would defend her every day for the rest of my life if it would help, but they didn't want me to interfere with their narrative. They cast her as insane, shell-shocked from the trauma of the games and the war. I don't know exactly what she was thinking when she released that arrow, but I know it wasn't insanity that drove her to this. Although she might have a death wish.
Katniss was sequestered in the hospital for the trial. They couldn't let her die, not in their custody, but I wonder how she will survive on her own. Katniss lives for those she loves. I had hoped that one day I might be so important to her, that she could not survive without me. Instead I've lost her forever - she couldn't survive my presence now. She and her mother are both too broken to be of any use to each other. The only chance she has now is if Peeta can give her a reason to live.
All I can do is stay away. Even if I will never know the full truth of what happened.
A/N: (Sorry it's more Gale misery and angst.)