It was the waiting game that was the worst. The awful feeling of not knowing what was going to happen. Of whether or not Herschel would ever open his eyes again and look at his two daughters. Both had been sitting vigilantly by his bedside for hours, holding his hands and talking soothingly to him. I leaned against the wall, listening as Maggie shared story after story of times they had shared with their father. Still, I had also listened when Maggie tried to get Beth ready to accept the fact that Herschel might never wake up again. It was like his life was balanced on the edge of knife. It could so easily go one way or the other.

Carol had tried to get me to rest, but I wanted to be there with Beth and Maggie in case anything happened. Good or bad. The time continued to trickle past, like the grains of sand in an hour glass. I was vaguely aware of Daryl announcing he was taking watch outside, but I still didn't move. My legs felt cramped from standing and my eyes were growing heavy. I was getting ready to find a place to sit down when Beth suddenly gasped. I froze.

"Oh my god." I heard Maggie's voice, a breathless whisper.

I leaned forward, and sure enough, the older man's eyes were fluttering open. A huge smile spread across my lips. I wrapped an arm around Beth's shoulder, squeezing the girl tightly. "He's waking up!" I said, shaking my head in a state of happy disbelief. "I'll go get Carol!" I turned and ran out into the hall, hurrying into the common area where everyone else had been seated quietly.

"He's awake!" I announced happily, unable to control the smile on my lips. "Herschel opened his eyes!"

Everyone was on their feet in seconds. Carl ran up to me and wrapped his small arms around my middle, grinning up at me with the same relief I was feeling spread throughout my entire body. "Where's Daryl?" I asked. "I want to tell him Herschel's awake!"

"Outside on watch still. I'm gonna go see Herschel!" The little boy said before hurrying off after the others.

I knew I shouldn't be getting my hopes this high yet, because Herschel was not out of danger yet. There were still so many things that could go wrong. Infections, blood loss, the list went on. Yet, against all odds, the man had woken up. He had gotten bit by a walker, had his leg amputated, and had woken up and was alive. It felt like something to be happy about. I moved towards the door to the cell yard and heaved it open before disappearing out into the cool night air.

The moon was hung high in the sky, as bright as ever. I glanced towards the chair next to the door to see that it was empty. He must have been making rounds throughout the yard. I took a deep breath of the clear air, filling my lungs as I walked towards the fence. I could make out a few straggling walkers on the outside of the farthest perimeter fence, dragging their feet while their arms hung loosely at their sides.

I laced my fingers through the fence, looking out across the field. It was a perfect night again. Not a cloud in the sky. I could see the stars for miles. Not for the first time, I was reminded of home. Daryl and I had spent countless night sitting at the end of his drive way on the back of his truck, taking in the country night sky. I was glad I still had memories like that now. Daryl had been right earlier, talking me out of my downwards spiral. I couldn't let myself give up. Not when there were still so many good things that were possible. Herschel waking up had proved that. It made me wish, for what felt like the thousandth time, that Daryl and I had never stopped being friends. I could have used his optimism, his strong attitude so many times.

I thought about the way he had looked at me earlier. Or maybe it was just the way I thought he had been looking at me. I could have sworn, on anything, that he had felt what I did, too. That strong, electric current. I still didn't fully understand it myself. Somewhere along the line, I had started looking at Daryl in a way that made it clear I saw him as more than just that little boy I used to catch tadpoles with.

"Shouldn't yer ass be inside?" Daryl asked, suddenly appearing at my side.

"Heschel woke up." I said right away.

"Yer shittin' me." He said, but a small smile had lifted one corner of his mouth. "I'll be damned. I told you he was a tough son ova bitch, didn't I?"

I nodded. "You were right."

"Don't hear that too often." He said, giving me a smirk and his incredibly blue eyes lighting up.

I smiled back as the silence once more settled in between us. I gave him a sidewise glance. I caught myself, for the second time that day, wondering how it would feel to kiss him. How it would feel to press myself against him and feel his arms encircle me. I looked away, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks. God, had he always been so handsome? Had these feelings always been there, just never clear enough for me to notice? There was so much lost time to make up for. I thought about what Carol had said the night before. It would be a damn shame to let something that happened ten years ago keep that rift between us wide open, especially when now all I wanted to do was be close to him. If I ever wanted to know why he had been so adamant about wanting me out of his life, or if he still cared about me at all, I would have to cross that rift and hope to God I made it to the other side. I wavered for a moment before deciding what I needed to do. It was time to be brave.

I felt my breath catch in my throat and the words were tumbling out before I could stop them. "Daryl, do you think things would have been different if we had stayed friends?" I asked quietly. The words hung in the air between us and I almost wished I hadn't said them. The smile on his lips vanished, his expression instantly shutting down as the light in his eyes dimmed.

"Not now, Charlie." He said in a low voice. "We ain't talkin' about this right now."

I drew back into myself a little before taking a deep breath and charging forward. "Well when the hell are we gonna talk about it? You were my best friend, Daryl!" I pleaded with him. "Do you know how hard it was for me? Trying to pretend that you never existed? And now, here we are again and I'm so damn tired of avoiding what happened. Our past is there, and we can't ignore it. It's what makes being around you so incredible and so damn hard at the same time. Hell, sometimes you still look at me like you're seeing that little girl that lived next door, and other times it's like you shut down completely and can't stand to even be around me. And I know it's because of what happened that night I left for Atlanta. It changed everything and we both know that." I continued. I felt something open up inside me and the anger and hurt I had crammed somewhere inside me was suddenly rushing through my veins and fueling my words. "So when the hell are you going to tell me why you decided to push me out of your life forever? What the hell did I do to deserve that, huh?" My voice was shaking by the time I finished and I could feel tears brewing behind my eyes. I blinked rapidly. I wouldn't cry, not now. I scanned Daryl's face desperately, trying to read what was there.

"I said we ain't talkin' about this!" He repeated slowly. His voice was distant, though I could have sworn I heard some note of hesitation in there. I jumped at it, clinging to the possibility that I might just break him down enough to talk to me.

"So that's it then? That's all I get? Years of friendship and this is it?" I said angrily, shaking my head. "Don't you think it's some kind of damn miracle that it was me you found in those woods that day? Somehow, against all fucking odds, we ended up right back together." I waited a long minute for him to say something, anything, but he stayed stony and silent. I shook my head again. "Fine then. Whatever you want, Daryl." I started to turn my back on him then, ready to walk away. The unexpected sound of his voice stopped me.

"You shouldn't have left." His voice was almost a whisper, hard to hear.

I furrowed my eyebrows together. It wasn't what I had expected him to say at all and it momentarily caught me off guard. It only took a few second, though, before I gathered my anger back together. "What the hell was I supposed to do? Put my entire life on hold because you couldn't deal with me being gone?" I asked incredulously. "God damn it, Daryl! You are the most selfish person I've ever met! And by the way, I might have left but I did come back for you! I came looking for you after the world went to complete shit because I couldn't deal with not knowing if you were okay. So maybe, yeah, I came back ten years too late but you never should have pushed me out in the first place!" By now I was shouting, but I didn't care if every walker heard me. I was finally getting to say everything I had been wanting to for the past decade, but never had the chance too.

I could tell he was getting angry, too, by the way his hands balled up into fists and the way his eyes narrowed and his mouth was slit into one hard, thin line. "What the hell was I supposed to do? Beg ya' to stay? You would've gone either way!" Daryl shot back. He look away for a second, agitatedly running both hands through his hair. When he finally looked back at me, his eyes were blazing with an intensity I had never seen before. "Don't you think I spent the last ten years thinkin' about you every damn day? God damn it, Charlie, do you not fuckin' get it! I loved you!"

The silence was heavy as it suddenly fell between us. It felt like time had suddenly stopped as I stared at him, eyes wide. My mouth felt dry as I struggled to come to terms with what had just come out of Daryl Dixon's mouth. It was the last thing I had ever expected to hear from him. Not now, not ever. It stirred within me all the feelings I had been so desperate to understand. He looked just as shocked as I felt, frozen still with a look of utter terror etched onto his face.

"What the hell did you just say?" I asked slowly, taking a tentative step towards him. It felt like it was impossible not to hear my heart hammering away in my chest while my stomach flip flopped uncontrollably. He said he loved me. The words replayed over and over in my head. He had said the god damned 'L' word.

He shifted uncomfortably, averting his eyes. "It was nothin'. Forget it." He said quietly. "I'm gonna go check on Herschel."

He made a move to walk away. "No, don't walk away. We're talking about what the fuck just came out of your mouth." I said. He didn't stop, though, and I reached out to grab his arm as he tried to side step around me. I tugged him to a stop. "Don't walk away from me." I repeated.

It took a long second before he finally looked at me. I could read the uncertainty behind his eyes, the fear of what he had just admitted evident all over his face. I was very much aware of my racing pulse, beating rapidly beneath my skin. We were so close, I could smell his familiar sweet, musky scent I had grown accustom to all those years ago. I suddenly realized that he was just as aware of what was happening between us as I was. That I wasn't alone in feeling that damn, dangerous magnetic tug that had been drawing us closer together no matter how hard we tried to shrug it off. I suddenly understood better than ever why his eyes followed me around a room full of people, why he was always badgering me about putting myself in danger, why he felt a constant need to hover over me protectively, even if it drove him crazy not completely understanding why himself. I took a chance, betting on all those feelings. I hesitated for a moment before allowing my grasp on his arm to loosen, sliding my hands down over his wrist until I found his hand and intertwined my fingers with his own.

"What're you doin, girl?" He asked in a low, husky tone. He didn't pull away though.

Without thinking twice about it, I crept up onto my tippy toes and brushed my lips against his own, breathing in the sweetness of his scent. His lips were soft and warm, as close to the way I imagined them as they could be. He stiffened, his body freezing like a statue at the sudden closeness. I waited a moment to see if he would relax before reluctantly pulling away. I felt something inside me puncture and fall away. His eyes slowly opened and I searched his expression, desperate for some kind of assurance that I hadn't been wrong, that he had wanted that kiss just as badly as I had. I finally gave up, though. I gave him a small, sad smile before dropping his hand from my grasp and pulling away. I turned around and headed back towards the prison, my footsteps heavy with defeat.

I hadn't gone very far, though, when I heard his footsteps following after me. Before I even had the chance to turn my head, I felt his hand grasp my arm as he yanked me around to face him. My breath caught in my throat as his lips suddenly pressed hard against my own. His arms encircled my waist as he pulled me into him, closing any remaining space that had been between us. I felt my head spinning, my heart beating fast and slow at the same time as our lips moved desperately against one another's. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his tongue teasingly gliding across my lower lip. I felt hyperaware of everything that was happening; the way his muscles felt beneath the thin fabric of shirt as he pressed up against me, the salty taste of his lips, the way his hands gripped my waist, and his fingertips just barely grazed the small stretch of bare skin between my shirt and jeans. His kiss was hungry and his touch sent pleasant shivers coursing down my spine and spreading throughout my entire body until I felt like I was on fire. I knew I would never be able to get enough.

As quickly as it had started, though, it ended, leaving my lips sore and aching for more. He reluctantly pulled away, our breaths mingling as we both tried to regain composure. I waited for my pulse to slow as I felt him absentmindedly toying with the hem of my tee-shirt.

"We can't do this, Charlie." He suddenly said quietly.

I felt myself go rigid. His hands left my waist, falling back to his sides. I felt like the rug had been swept out from under my feet. It made no sense. Why would he even bother coming after me? Why would he kiss me if this wasn't what he wanted? "What?" I finally managed to get out, one short burst of syllable. "Why the hell not?"

He was shaking his head. "We can't do this." Daryl repeated gruffly. "We both know it won't work, Charlie. You don't wanna do this." He was shutting down, retreating back into himself. I could see it. I could hear it in his voice.

I stared at him, shaking my head with complete disbelief. "Daryl…" I uttered his name, desperately wanting to stop him from falling away from what had just happened between us. "Why don't you let me decide what I want instead of deciding for me? I want this. I want you!" I tried again, trying to catch his eyes with my own pleading gaze. He avoided looking at me, automatically took a step back and I could feel my insides shattering.

"Forget it. Go back inside, Charlie. This never happened." He said, his tone firm and leaving hardly any room for argument even if I had it in me to fight.

Instead, I felt the waves of rejection begin to roll off me. I knew he wanted this. There was no denying that. For that one, single moment, it felt like things had finally fallen into place. So why was he fighting it? Why was he trying so hard to keep me away? He gave me one last, long look before turning and stalking off into the darkness, leaving me standing there alone and more lost than ever.

Author's Note:

Gotta say...I loved writing that chapter! And I really hope you guys enjoyed reading it. I know a few of you had the chance to read my author's note, which basically just said I was considering doing a Merle spin off story...I got a super positive response from that so I started writing and playing around with it last night. Hopefully it'll be up in the next couple of weeks.

Also I still can't figure out how to post my pictures of when I met the Walking Dead cast last weekend. I want to share them with you but I suck at technology so I'm not sure when I'll figure out how to put them on here ha! In the meantime, I added a youtube link to my profile page. If you watch the video and fast forward to the very end, you'll get to see me getting all cozy with Michael Rooker while he calls me sugar tits. It's amazing.

Anyways, thank you all for your feedback about the Merle story idea. And as always, thank you for your support and love for this one! Getting to share my writing with people who are also crazy passionate about writing and the Walking Dead is amazing. Love you all!

-Nikki