The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.

Morality (noun) a moral [of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior] discourse, statement, or lesson

I stood there numbness creeping over me. My stomach churning as bile burned my throat. What had I done? An intense urge to find a priest and confess my sins, begging for forgiveness and penance in the same breath shot through me.

With a trembling hand, I opened the door to my vehicle. My body was on auto-pilot as I got in, turned the key, starting it. Without realizing it I drove to First Beach – the end of our world - where we fell into the abyss.

I hadn't said a word to either of my kids. I heard their concerned voices, but I couldn't make sense of the words. It was all jumbled in my mind like I was trying to hear underwater. I just followed the pull in my heart and head which lead me to the small out-cropping of rocks on the side of the beach.

This was a place I'd come a million times before to think. As I tried to sort out the mess in my head – my life and find the balance I was lacking. It had been were things had begun and ended for Quil and I all those years ago. The cool ocean breeze with its salty tang had breathed life back into us when we'd been hopeless.

Who knows how long I would have sat there had I not been interrupted. Later I'd realize how scary it was that my kids couldn't reach me. But they didn't know me like the pack had. It was daunting how well we got to know each other. Nothing like living around the wolves who shared a collective mind, but their enhanced senses put them at an advantage because they'd smell your tears before they fell or hear your heart beating wildly out of control.

"So…not talking to me? Here I'd thought we'd gotten along fine."

"Huh?" I muttered, confused. My vision blurred with the tears I was trying to hold inside.

"I've been calling your name for at least 5 minutes. I've already met your kids. I didn't believe Leah at first when she said you returned."

The voice's owner finally making sense to my synapses as his face came into view. He'd been so young when I'd left. A boy in a man's body – though he hadn't filled out completely. Seth Clearwater - the happy-go-lucky kid who had some innate ability to let things roll off of him. The rest of us had been busy making angst-filled drama llamas and he was staring at the silver lining on every black cloud.

"Wow, you're not so little anymore, are you," I joked.

"Nope, not exactly. So why are you out here looking like someone kicked your puppy? You've got the two of them pretty worried," he finished, jerking a finger over to Quinn and Alex who were on the far side of the beach.

"Trying to find a way to atone for all the horrible things I'm responsible for."

"How's that going?"

"Not so well. What are you doing here?" I asked out of curiosity as I remembered Charlie mentioning that Seth was finishing his residency.

"I was able to swing a few days extra days off and thought I'd come and see if the pack needed any help. I think it's been ages since we've spotted a vampire, so not that many of us still phase. I do, but that's mostly because Leah's not big on using Skype to stay in touch. Quil's been trying to stop. Jake's got no choice as long as he wants a life with Nessie."

His grimace was so quick, I'd nearly missed it. I patiently waited for him to continue.

"Leah and Embry still can and do from time to time. And I guess either Ryan or Scott do…maybe both. I'm not sure, but they moved to Tacoma so they wouldn't be much help."

"Seems like for being nearly 2,000 miles away – you're still up on all the gossip."

"Actually it's just over 1,300 miles if I drive – never figured out a good way to calculate the distance running as a wolf," he retorted with a grin.

"You've run it?"

"Of course, granted it was a bet. You know Embry and Jared used to bet each other all the time. The two of them got me roped into it, too. But you're prevaricating, you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

I snorted at his use of a fancy word to describe the fact I was stalling and his improper speech only two words later.

"What's that – your word of the day?"

"Hardly, now spill."

The entire sordid story fell from my lips. Everything that I'd suddenly begun to question about the choices I'd made. The right and wrongness I had to make them; the way I'd hurt everyone and let them down. How I'd foolishly thought I could run from this and my inexpressible feelings about my kids experiencing what I viewed as a curse.

The entire time I talked, Seth listened. Every now and then, he'd ask for clarification. His facial expression showed his interest and not once did he look upset at what I said.

"I think that's everything," I finished with a wry smile. "I'm sure I'll think of something tonight when I try to fall asleep and it will keep me awake all night."

"Probably, but do you want to know what I think?"

"Maybe…I don't know…I guess."

"I'm not going to weigh in on the rightness or wrongness of your choices because if I've learned anything – it's there are many shades of grey. Sure, so people think things would've been different had you made a different choice or they would've acted differently, but the truth is – hindsight is 20/20. We can all look at our past and see where we went 'wrong.' Your answer will always be found in the reasons behind your choice. If you can truly believe those decisions were made with good intent, then there's no use quibbling over what you could or should've done."

"It's easy for you to say."

"It is, but don't forget I lived in Leah's head for more years than either of us care to remember. Before her and Embry started…umm...dating – we'll call it that – she was a literal and figurative bitch. And who wouldn't be? She got screwed over by Sam, our parents, the tribe, and the spirits. She deserved to have her angsty girl moments."

"That's true," I replied with a nod. That was one thing without a doubt if I could do it all over again, I'd do. I'd find a way to meet Leah where she was at and even if I couldn't help her find peace – I'd be a friend.

"You and I both know how much the elders cling to the traditions. How scared they are to admit they might've been wrong. You and Jared showed them that there was bullshit in their whole speech about a wolf needing their imprint to survive. Sure, he was messed up for a bit, but who wouldn't be if their girlfriend of a few years just up and left without a word. The fact he got over it and found Beth and loves her and their son – I've seen his feelings and they're as strong as any imprint."

"Leah and Embry – you don't even want to know the storm that created," Seth began. "After Harry was born, Quil and I flew with them to Vegas and they were hitched by Elvis. They had another ceremony here a few months later, but it took a lot of convincing to get the elders to budge. The elders were too worried what might happen if either imprinted, but they both swore they'd fight it."

"But look at all the ones who didn't or couldn't…"

"So what," he said with a shrug. "The fact you and Quil managed to fall in love and be together – despite imprinting – well, it gives the rest of us hope that we do have a choice. That we've always had a choice. And here's some food for thought, you know who had the hardest time after you left?"

He paused before continuing, "Not even his imprint could make him feel better. Some of us suspected, but he was a closed book on it. He and Jake are the only two who'd have the biggest fight because the last thing they wanted to do was disappoint the men who were trying to live through them. Had my dad lived, maybe Leah and I would have the same issue, but in a way I doubt it."

AN: Drama llamas is curteousy of my friend Karamelkat, but personally I like angst-filled drama llamas even more. ;D

FF_9072904_34 05/12/13 5:35AM