I made the appointment for tomorrow afternoon with Rick's family doctor. His practice was split, located here and in the city. It was practically exclusive to the members of the country club that he belonged to.

It felt so weird to think that. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have a house in the Hamptons, be a member of a country club, have a 19-year-old daughter, and be married to my favorite author.

I didn't let Rick know about the doctor's appointment. I went in around noon and told him that I was going to lunch with Cameron. I didn't know why I felt like I needed to lie, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to have this conversation if we didn't have to. I didn't know whether I wanted this or whether I wanted to hide, but this wasn't something I could hide from.

When they called for Castle the few people in the waiting room smiled, started to whisper, or gasped. I got up and went in.

Once inside the nurse asked me what I was there for. "I've been getting headaches, I've been dizzy and tired. The worst is that I haven't been able to keep anything down."

She nodded and took this down in the chart. "How long have you felt like this?"

"Well." I felt like I should have come in sooner. "I've been like this for almost three weeks off and on, but in-between feeling like that I feel like nothing is wrong until it isn't."

She set down the chart. She took my temperature and my blood pressure. Like it was no big deal she asked, "Is there a chance that you could be pregnant?"

I felt uncomfortable answering even though I was in a doctor's office. "I could be."

She wrote it down and left. "The doctor will be in to see you in a few minutes."

I awkwardly sat there tapping my foot waiting. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through some of my messages updating me on some of the cases in the city. I couldn't help it.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Dunkin." She looked down at the chart. "Mrs…"

"Cameron."

"Kate."

"I took your advice."

"Would you like another doctor or are you alright with me?"

"It's fine."

She asked me the same questions even though she already knew the answers and then took some blood. " This will be the most accurate. I'll call with the results as soon as they come in. I should have them tomorrow. Between now and then just take it easy."

"What if I'm…?"

"Don't worry about it until we get the results."

I nodded but we both knew I'd be thinking about it.

When I got home I turned on the television and watched a movie not wanting to disturb Rick. Really I just didn't want to face him.

Alexis and Olivia came in and joined me. Alexis curled into my side and closed her eyes.

"What did you guys do today?"

"We laid out in the sun. The heat wiped us out."

I looked down at Alexis and nudged her. She was a little too pink in the face. "You know better than to lie out. You burn too easily."

"You do it all the time." She looked up at me.

"Yes, but I am not a ginger."

Olivia scrunched up her nose. "How did you end up with red hair Alexis?"

Alexis got up and changed the subject. "Who wants ice cream?"

Rick came out like a puppy that had heard the word treat. "Did somebody say ice cream?"

I rolled my eyes. "I better not be in mortal peril right now."

He smiled fiendishly. "Tied up and at gun point."

Olivia knew what we were talking about but I could tell she thought it was so strange.

Alexis scoffed. "Cliché Dad, you already used that one and Nikki could get out of that easy."

"Now you've insulted me. Now you owe me ice cream."

Olivia asked, "Where are the bowls?"

We all just starred at her. It was one of those moments where you imagine crickets chirping in the distance.

We all pretended to be confused. "What are these bowls that you speak of?" Rick asked.

"Cones then?" She suggested.

This was just the distraction I needed.

"What's that?" Alexis said trying to sound like a five year old who had seen something shiny.

I went over to one of the drawers and pulled out four spoons. Alexis pulled out at least six different flavors of ice cream and chucked their lids to the side. We all grabbed one taking a few bites and setting it down to start swapping. She went ahead and took one but she hesitated.

"We do this all the time. Don't worry about it. I had to get used to this too."

Both Alexis and Olivia gave me funny looks, but Olivia took a bite and joined in on our tradition.

The girls hung out in the house for the rest of the day and Rick asked me if it was okay to go back to his book. I nodded and watched him go. I went out on the porch with the new, but completed Nikki Heat and started reading. The imagery never quite turned into a movie because I was so distracted. I eventually starred at the page without even seeing the ink.

Did I want this? We had barely talked about it. I loved Alexis like she was my own, but I hadn't had to do any of the hard stuff. She came already grown up simply looking for time and advice. I could do teenagers, but could I be responsible for another life? What had made me want kids before my mom died?

A kid tumbled in the sand in front of me taking me away from my thoughts. She picked her self up without crying and made her way towards me. "You're the cop lady right?"

I nodded.

Cameron came running up the beach. "Talia. You little rugrat!"

She giggled. "Mommy's mad."

The little girl was in a purple bathing suit and a green tutu. "Don't I look like a ballerina?"

I smiled.

Before I could answer Cameron scooped her up. "Got you."

She turned to see me. "Hey, how are you doing?"

It took me a moment to answer after this very obvious mother daughter display. "I'm okay."

"I'm not buying it." She sat down next to me. I gazed out at the now sinking sun. I couldn't appreciate the sunset. I could only think about how soon I would know, but at the same time I didn't know what I wanted the answer to be.

"I can't function properly not knowing and I don't want to know. It doesn't make any sense." I put my face in my hands.

She put a hand on my shoulder. "It makes perfect sense. Both times that I went through this I didn't think I wanted it until I knew and then the pieces just sort of fell into place."

"I have no idea what I want."

"Usually when you hear the results you know what you wanted all along."

I nodded, imagining that I would never know. I had been looking forward to a quiet two weeks and returning to my job in the city, not this.

"I'll call you as soon as the results come in tomorrow okay." She waited for a response. "Kate it's going to be fine."

I nodded halfheartedly. It wasn't that I was sad about the idea. I was scared that I did want this.