Elsa had been fast asleep thirty seconds ago, but she was now wide awake. Her heart was racing, and she felt sick. She had fallen asleep without putting her mask back on, and Anna was staring at her as if she had seen a ghost.
Tons of thoughts went through her head. Can I possibly lie my way out of this? What can I even say? Will she ever forgive me? How can I ever look her in the eyes again?
She was horrified by what she had done to her sister, and terrified of the consequences that could spring from it. And yet, a tiny bit of her mind was relieved. Anna knew. She didn't have to lie to her any more.
"How… wh.. who are you? Are… Are you my sister's clone or something?" Anna asked, and Elsa froze. How can that possibly even enter her mind?
But Elsa sat silently, and Anna seemed to accept the truth. She fell to her knees and took her face in her hands.
"Anna… I…. I'm so sorry..." Elsa started, getting out of the bed.
"How? What the… How could you do this to me?!" Anna yelled, and Elsa's heart clenched when she saw the tears in her sister's eyes. I'm the one who did this to her.
"You… you… you lied to me! You hid everything from me! And… and you played me. What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I… I don't know. I…" Elsa said but she was unable to find the words she needed. "I… I've always had these powers. I didn't want you to be scared. Or to share my burden in hiding it from everyone. I… I thought it was for the best."
"I… I can't believe you've lied to me all these years..." Anna said, and Elsa could spot the sorrow and the feeling of betrayal in her sister's teal eyes.
"I'm so sorry Anna..."
"And… and you kissed me! We… went on a date and… god I almost … holy fuck…."
She was crying out now, and Elsa closed the gap between them to comfort her, but Anna slapped her hand away.
"Don't… don't fucking touch me."
Elsa backed off, feeling more hurt that she had ever been. Her own sister was telling her not to touch her. What were you thinking? That she wouldn't be disgusted by what you did? That she would accept it?
"I can't believe you let me think… you… you fucking let me kiss you and touch you! We almost had sex yesterday, for fuck's sake!" Anna cried out, and Elsa could feel her own tears rolling off her cheeks.
"I… I didn't want to. I was going to tell you the truth when you kissed me for the first time. I… I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do."
"So you just went with it? How irresponsible are you? How fucked up are you? I'm your fucking sister, Elsa!"
Elsa sat on the floor too, stricken down by her sister's words.
"I… I didn't want to hurt you. Once you confessed your feelings… I knew you could never know the truth."
"But… but you could have pushed me away! You could have said no!"
"I did!" Elsa replied harshly. "I constantly told you that it wasn't possible! But you kept pushing and pushing!" She was angry now, despite her tears.
"You… you never told me just how impossible it was! I figured you were just shy or something! How could I guess this was the reason?!"
"I… I didn't want… to hurt you..." Elsa repeated with difficulty, a big lump forming in her throat.
"So you just waited and made things worse?!"
"I… I was going to tell you tomorrow that there wouldn't be a second date. I had finally made up my mind! I knew it was going to hurt but..."
"Stop making it all about me!" Anna yelled between sobs, and Elsa winced. "You let yourself be convinced. You… you actually liked it."
"I..." Elsa started, wanting to say she didn't. "Yes, I did." she finally conceded, and Anna sobbed again.
"Fuck Elsa… how can you..."
"You liked it too..." Elsa said in a small voice, and Anna looked up to glare at her.
"And how could I know I that wasn't supposed to like it, for fucks sake?"
"I… I'm sorry..."
"Just… just get out. I… leave me alone."
"Anna, please..." Elsa begged.
"No. Just get the fuck out."
Elsa contemplated what she could do but ultimately ran away, crying. She grabbed her clothes on the way out and escaped through the secret elevator. There, she sat on the ground and cried, wondering how much she had fucked up her life. I've destroyed everything. I can't lose Anna. Just thinking about it triggered another crying fit, and she stayed there for a long time, desperate and hopeless.
She ended up driving back home later, and she couldn't grasp what had just happened. It was so sudden, she couldn't entirely comprehend all of it. Her sister knew that she had powers, that she had kept them a secret all her life. And she knew that she desired her.
She didn't know how she could get away with this, or even if it was possible, and the whole day went by in a blur. It was only at night, when she desperately tried to sleep but couldn't, since her mind was going through her awful situation over and over again, when she finally decided to try and call Anna.
Her first call rang multiple times but her sister didn't pick up, and then she instantly ended up on the answering machine when she tried again. She sent her some texts, asking her to please call back because they needed to talk, but got no answers.
She spent the worst night of her life, feeling like she was all alone in this world. Even when their parents had died, at least Anna had still been with her. She replayed in her mind what had happened again and again, and the few hours of sleep she got were filled with nightmares and worries. She constantly looked at her phone to see if Anna had answered her, and was disappointed every time.
When she finally decided to give up and get out of her bed, she checked her two phones and noticed that Merida had sent her a text.
I think Mr Asshole is ready to talk. Can you take care of that? I'm going out tonight.
Elsa sighed and decided to do it. Maybe it would change her mind, and she couldn't let Merida realize what a state she was in. The worst thing that could happen now was that her only two friends learned the truth about what had happened between Anna and the Ice Queen.
So she went out, and drove to the hideout. She didn't even bother changing once she got there, because he had already seen her in her civilian clothes anyway.
She opened the door and wrinkled her nose at the smell.
"You look like shit." The man said as she came in, and she glared at him.
"You'd better not make me angry today. I'm not in the mood." she warned him, and he shrugged.
"Tough night?" he asked with disdain. "At least you didn't have to shit yourself."
"I…" Damn, that explains the smell.
"What do I need to do to get a proper room? With a shower, toilets and a TV? And I want you to remove my restraints."
"Just answer some of my questions."
"I guess I could do that."
"I thought you didn't want to betray your order." Elsa asked, a bit suspicious.
"They didn't even look for me, or else I should be free by now. And the only person I was close to in the order is dead now. Anyway, I guess they would just kill me now if they saw me, because they'd think I helped you."
"Well, I'm sure we can strike a deal then."
"Can you let me have a shower and a change of clothes?" he asked, and she could see his usual pride and scorn had really broken down.
"Yes, just tell me one thing. I… I've been having some difficulties while channelling recently."
"Can't reach the Source?" he asked.
"No, I have no problem with that. It's kinda a reflex now. But I… I tend to lose control if I use it too much."
He smiled. "There's a reason why you're supposed to have a mentor. There are techniques to keep your powers under control."
"So… it's not like what you told me about the male Source? That made the channellers go mad?"
"I don't think so. Does it make you feel powerful, as if you could do anything you wished? And you tend to get a bit violent and angry?"
"A bit? Y.. yeah…. More than just a bit."
"I think you should be fine with a bit of training and a few techniques. Have you reached your full potential yet? We all have one."
"No, not yet."
"Did you get a lot more powerful quickly? Maybe you just have difficulties getting used to the amount of power."
"It… it could be possible." Can I really trust him though?
"So… can you let me take a shower now?"
"Yes. Will you teach me these techniques?"
"I want books, real meals and I don't want to be tied up any more. Oh, and I want a gaming console too. Haven't had one in ages. And a stereo. Plus CDs."
"Uh… yeah, ok. I guess we could do that."
"Good."
"Just give me a minute." Elsa said before leaving the room. She went to search for one of the syringes that Rapunzel had prepared for them, and came back to the cell. His last shot was supposed to last for at least another twelve hours, but she didn't want to take any risk.
"Your shot first." She said, and while he didn't seem to like it, he didn't complain.
"Good. I'm going to remove the handcuffs now, so don't do anything funny." She said, and she started to channel before removing the handcuffs. He was weak and she could handle him without powers, but she preferred to be ready for anything.
He didn't try anything though, and she let him take a shower while she grabbed some fresh clothes for him. They were all women's clothes, but she guessed it was better than nothing.
"So, what can you teach me?" she asked when he came out clean and wearing new clothes.
"I want my room first."
"You had your shower."
"And you had your information." He replied sternly, but he wasn't that intimidating in slim jeans and a low-cut tank top.
"Sorry I couldn't find anything black." she said, and he glared at her.
"Ok, I don't have that much time anyway. I'll tell the Red Mane about your requests, and then we'll see."
"Don't forget the decent meals."
Elsa nodded and showed him back to his cell.
Then she locked him and left the hideout. It was only when she was back in her car that she remembered exactly how bad her situation was. She checked her phone for the hundredth time, but she still had no message from Anna. I miss her already. She can't just cut me off like that.
Tears came back to her eyes as she remembered the way Anna had slapped her hand away yesterday. I can't let her distance herself from me. And she must be devastated. She needs me right now too.
She was driving back home when she decided to make a detour and stop at her sister's place.
She went through the secret elevator and ended up on her sister's balcony soon. The window was open despite the cold, but she knocked on it anyway.
No answer came back, and she came in, a little worried. She soon heard noises coming from the bedroom, and walked toward it carefully. Then she realized it was the sound of crying, and she opened the door to see her sister crying on her bed.
"Anna…?" she asked, hoping her sister wouldn't take her intrusion too badly.
"Elsa?! What are you doing here?" Anna asked while trying to wipe her tears away.
"I… I was worried. I… need to speak with you."
"I don't want to speak with you! I told you to get out!" Anna yelled, and Elsa felt like crying again.
"Please, Anna… I can't… I can't live without you in my life. I need you."
"You… you lied to me! You've always lied!"
"I… I know. Please forgive me. I beg you."
"Two… two days ago I had a great sister, and the most amazing crush ever. Today I have nothing left. The Ice Queen isn't even real. And I just lost her like that. As if she had disappeared. And you? I also discovered that you're not the one I thought you were. I'm all alone now. I don't have anyone left."
The words and her sister's desperate voice were making Elsa's heart ache. She wanted to comfort her so much, but she was the one who had caused all of this.
"Please, don't say that. I… I'm still here."
"Who are you?" Anna asked, and it was felt like a stab in the chest. "Are you Elsa the nerd who keeps to herself or the Ice Queen who goes around saving the oppressed and making the city a better place?"
"I… I'm both of them."
Anna shook her head. "It… it hurts so much, Elsa."
"Please… please don't let us fall apart." Elsa started, and this time she couldn't stop the flow of tears. She had never expected that she would have to say that, and it hurt like hell.
She got on her knees and looked up to her sister. "I beg you, don't do this to us. I… you're my whole world. You always have been. You're the only thing that matters in my life. I… I love you Anna. There… there's no point in anything to me if you're not here with me."
Anna looked at her with watery eyes but stayed silent.
"Please don't do this. I… I'll do anything. Stop being the Ice Queen if you want. Or stop being Elsa. Be both of them, or let you discover the new me. I… I don't want to lose you. I'll tell you everything. No more lies, ever. I'll kick out these new weird feelings I have for you if you find them disgusting, and even ask for medical help if you want. I… I'll do anything..." Elsa continued, knowing how pitiful it all sounded. But she didn't care, and she really was ready to do anything to get her sister back. "I'll make amends, and do everything so that you can trust me again. I swear I'll do everything I can to make things right. I..." she didn't know what to say any more, except that she was ready to do absolutely anything. "You're my everything."
Anna burst out in tears, and Elsa stood up to get closer.
She carefully climbed onto the bed, and extended her arms, praying for Anna to come to her. It seemed to last forever, but Anna finally hugged her and hid her face against her sister's shoulder. They both stayed there crying for a while, but Elsa felt more relieved than she had ever been. She hugged her little sister so tightly that she feared she would break her. If it was her decision alone, she would never let her go.
"I'm… I'm so angry at you." Anna said while still clutching to her, and Elsa nodded.
"I know. I… I'm so sorry. Lying to you was the worst decision of my life. It was so hard to hide the truth and… god, I'm so sorry."
The hug didn't last long, and Anna quickly put some distance between them again, much to Elsa's dismay.
"I… I can't forgive you right now." she said, and Elsa could still see the hurt in her sister's eyes.
"I understand. Please, just tell me you will one day. Soon?"
"I… I'll try."
"Tell me I won't lose you." Please. I can't.
"You… you won't lose me."
A sudden gasp of relief left Elsa's chest, and she almost started laughing nervously.
"Thank you."
She wanted to kiss her right now. Take her by the shoulders and kiss her senseless. But she also knew damn well that was exactly what she shouldn't do. Even if we get over the lies, how will we ever get over the incestuous things that happened between us? She suddenly realized just how awful it must feel for Anna. Until then, she had absolutely basked in her attraction and love for the Ice Queen. And now she realized she had been fantasizing about her sister. The attraction between them had been real, and her desires too. How will she cope with that?
"I… I just need time ok? I need time to think about everything this means. And… I can't help but think I'm going to wake up or something. It doesn't feel real."
"I'm so sorry. If… If I can help, please ask. I can answer your questions and everything. Actually, I'd love to tell you everything."
"Elsa… not now. I need some time alone."
"O… ok." Elsa answered, disappointed, but more than willing to leave and give Anna some time alone if it meant that they would one day go back to what they had always been.
'Could… could you leave me alone?" Anna asked.
"Y… yes. I'll go. Please don't make me worry. Talk to me, ok?"
"I will."
Elsa looked at her one long last time, and then left. It wasn't going to be easy, but she could be hopeful.
Notes : Thank you so much for the many reviews on last chapter! I knew you were all waiting for the big reveal, and I'm glad to see the way it happened didn't disappoint!