Authoress' Notes: Well, here we are, the final (kinda) chapter! After this, there'll be another Chapter and an epilogue. Remember kids, we're all still pretending Sm4sh isn't out yet, okay? Okay.
He Said, She Said
Chapter 35: Birthing the Undeniable
Master Hand and Crazy busted through the double doors leading into the house, rushing back inside. Alarms and sirens went off all around the house as R.O.B.s whirred about in a tizzy.
"We have an emergency situation!" announced Mater Hand. "We need to get the Infirmary propped ASAP! Open the garage landing pad immediately! Assist the Smashers!"
"INITIATING STANDARD PROTOCOL FOR EMERGENCY SITUATION!" droned the R.O.B.s, trying their their damnedest not to run into each or malfunction like they usually did.
"I'll be in the Infirmary, so send Lucas straight there!" continued the hand. "And hurry!"
"OOOOOOH, THIS IS EXCITING!" cackled Crazy Hand. "I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN SINCE THE R.O.B.s' PROCESSORS ALL LOCKED UP AND THEY EXPLODED AND LEVELED THE FOYER!"
His brother sighed. "Please, Crazy... Don't jinx us..."
Outside the house, the Smashers' aircrafts dove into the underground tunnel, zooming back through the dark, space age-like corridor. Landing on the launching pad that jettisoned them into the air upon their departure, the ships were raised back into the garage, the machinery hissing and grinding erratically as it was quickly closed and shut down. The worker R.O.B.s went into a tizzy, all of them sprouting the alarm lights and noises as they surrounded the ships.
"RED ALERT, RED ALERT!" announced Fox from his radio. "SOUND THE ALAAAAARM!"
"Fox, the alarm's already going off..." reminded Olimar, also over his radio.
"Well, get your rears in gear, people!"
Fox rocketed outta his Arwing, making a beeline for the house door, opening it as he waited for the incoming horde. Meta Knight saw this pounded on the 'hatch release' button, subsequently opening the Halberd's ramp. Peach stood ready the entrance, holding onto Lucas' shoulders.
"Sonic!" she called.
The blue blur appeared and responded with a salute. "Yes, ma'am!"
"Go get a wheelchair for Lucas! And be quick about it!"
His legs became a blur as he revved up. "You don't need to tell me twice!"
The hedgehog rocketed off into the house with blistering speed, knocking over some R.O.B.s in the process. Not even five seconds later, he sped back up the ramp and planted a wheelchair in front of the blonde.
"Sorry it took so long! I—"
"Whatever!" Peach interrupted, helping Lucas in the seat. "Okay sweetie, in you go! We're going to get you fixed, don't you worry!"
Lucas winced, holding her stomach. "Ah... O-okay..."
"Take Lucas to the Infirmary as fast as you can! And be careful!" ordered the princess to Sonic.
"Leave it to me!" He grabbed the handles, revving up his legs. "Better hold on tight, Luke!"
"I-I don't think this is such a good ideaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!" squealed Lucas, her voice trailing off as Sonic swept through the garage, leaving a trail of flames behind as he charged inside the house.
"Everyone!" ordered Fox, motioning the rest inside. "To the Infirmary! Go! Go! Go!"
The Smashers immediately poured outta their respective ships, stampeding the garage. Unfortunately, the R.O.B.s suddenly got a bad case of OCD and began to bum rush everyone, trying to get the awkwardly-parked ships so they could be detailed. It was Chaos City again as the Smashers fumbled their way through the crowd of robots.
"Peach!" called Mario, scrambling through the confusion. "I'll go ahead and get things prepped for Lucas! Get fitted and meet me there!"
The princess nodded, also struggling. "Okay, Mario!"
Ness was the last one off the Halberd, limping to the doorway in time to be overrun with R.O.B.s. Man, when were these damn things gonna get an AI upgrade?! Like, seriously! Could they really not wait 'til everyone left before they started trying to clean up the place?! It's like every day they got a little stupider!
Luckily, they seemed to have at least some sense of direction and mostly ran around him, obsessed with attending to the condition of the ship. Ignoring them, he quickly hobbled off the ship in time to have the remainder of the R.O.B.s scatter in all directions to get to the other ships as the last of the Smashers cleared the garage. Yeah, leave him behind, then. He didn't care. He was only the father, after all.
He shuddered. Wow, that sounded weird. It never really dawned on him 'til now that after all this was over, he'd be a dad. His frustration turned to anxiety as he stood stupid in the middle of the R.O.B. swarm. Was he really ready for this? To accept such a big responsibility? ...What was he even supposed to do? How was he supposed to react? Leave it to him to wait until Lucas went into labor to start second guessing himself. But none of that meant anything if he couldn't even get there...
("Need a lift?")
Surprised, Ness looked up. "Charizard? What're you doing here?" He narrowed his eyes. "...And where's Red?"
The Pokemon sighed. ("He ran off. I think he knows he might be in trouble, since his stupid plan didn't work, so he got lost in the crowd to cover his ass. Someone must've bumped into him or something and knocked my Poke Ball loose, so, luckily for you, here I am.")
Ness appeared sheepish. "...You mind giving me a lift here? Leave it to a bunch of assholes to ditch me like this."
("Aw, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose...") Charizard propped him up on his back. ("But I really am sorry for all the trouble Red's caused. When this is all over, feel free to testify against him all you want. We had nothing to do with this, honest.")
Ness got situated on his back. "We'll talk about it later. Just get me to the Infirmary..."
("Okay then. We'll head 'em off at the past!")
"...You mean at the pas—"
Sizing himself up, Charizard broke into a slow, heavy jog through the house door. The dragon's running wasn't as fast as Ness would've liked, but beggars couldn't be choosers...
Sonic and Lucas arrived in the Infirmary's lobby, the hedgehog skidding to a halt. Lucas was a bit shaken up from the trip, but more or less okay; the ride did only last about five seconds. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were already there, whipping around in shock at their blistering entrance.
"Sonic!" spoke Master Hand. "What in the world?!"
"Sorry I'm late! I woulda got here faster if—"
The hand stopped him. "Nevermind. Lucas, how're you?"
She grimaced, holding her stomach. "...No better than before."
Moments later, Mario and Peach showed up, dressed in their doctor and nurse attire respectively. Hands on their knees, they stopped to catch their breath.
"We're here...!" managed Mario between breaths. "We're here, don't worry...!"
Sonic scoffed. "Man, you guys are slow!"
Suddenly, the floor rumbled as a menagerie of Smashers flooded the room. In a matter of seconds, all were clamoring and bickering over the situation. Master Hand could see things were getting chaotic, so he decided to put a stop to it.
"Everyone, please! Quiet, please!" he commanded.
All at once, everyone shut up, giving the appendage their full attention.
"We don't have time for such nonsense! You can fight like uncivilized children later!" he scolded. "Now... Where's Mario?"
"Back here, MH!" answered the plumber, leaning in from the next hallway and waving a stethoscope. "I'm getting things prepped for Lucas, so hold on a sec!"
He ducked back into the hallway as the Smashers calmed down, Peach scurrying back after him. At that moment, Charizard rushed in. Coming to a clumsy stop, he panted.
("Sorry...") he wheezed, talking to Ness. ("I thought we'd beat the crowd, but... I guess not...")
"Ugh! It's about time you got here!" berated Sonic. "Am I really the only one here with any sense of urgency? I mean, c'mon!"
"Hey, Sonic. Y'know what you can do to make this situation a million times better?" asked Ness, expression flat.
"What?"
He hissed through his teeth. "SHUT. UP."
The room buzzed with excitement once more as Ness got off Charizard, limping over to embrace a jittery Lucas. She accepted his hug with open arms and a weary smile.
"You look nervous," she said, after a moment.
"...Kinda am."
She laughed softly. "I know. I'm scared, too... But everything's going to be okay."
"But what if it's not? What if something happens?"
"Then whatever happens, happens."
Ness pulled away, expression hurt. "Luke, don't say that! I'm—"
He stalled, not wanting to continue. For if he had, he would've admitted to everyone and himself that he was scared. Lucas faltered as well, feeling like he wasn't telling her something.
"Welp!" said Mario, plastic gloves smacking as he fitted them to his hands. "Time to get started. Nurse, could you fetch Lucas for me?"
"Yes, doctor!" perkily saluted Peach, clad in a nurse outfit to compliment his medical attire. She swiftly took Lucas' wheelchair away, almost making Ness trip at her absence. "Now, don't you worry your pretty little self about anything! We've got this all under control!"
"Um... o-okay..." Lucas looked back at Ness as she was wheeled off, smiling sadly.
All the other PSI user could do was look on in a stunned silence, hand outstretched and mouth agape as he desperately tried to find something to say. He didn't wanna say what was on his mind, it'd make him look weak. And he couldn't make up something, or Lucas would see right through it.
Before his brain could even form a pair of cognitive words, Peach had already whisked Lucas to the back. Ness dropped his hand and closed his mouth. He'd missed his chance. He was so lost in his own thoughts, it took him a moment to come back to reality; back to the quiet murmuring of the Smashers in the room.
("So, uh... Now what?") he heard Yoshi ask.
"We wait," answered Master Hand, looking at the doorway to the Infirmary's hall. "And hope for the best. All fights will be cancelled today, so please, feel free to get comfortable."
That was good enough for the Smashers. The crowd scattered to fetch blankets, cushions, electronics, and snacks to keep them situated for the staking out ahead.
"Ooh, that reminds me!" Dedede pulled out Ridley's trophy. "Look what we brought home!"
"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot about that!" Sonic revealed Tabuu's trophy.
"Ehhh... I still think we should sell them online, but..." Wario begrudgingly brought forth Porky and Rayquaza's trophies.
"Egad!" Master Hand reeled in shock. "How in the world did you get those?"
Marth snapped his fingers in realization. "Ooh, that's right! We never told you about what went happened out there, did we?"
"I can't recall that you did." The right hand overlapped his fingers with his left counterpart, the two twiddling their thumbs. "Pray tell."
Always ones to gloat about their accomplishments, the fighters gathered in a circle around the hands and began to spin their yarn of everything that'd transpired. From the moment they left the house, to when Tabuu was defeated, they spared no details.
Ness wasn't in the mood for story time, choosing to distance himself from the group. He grabbed a chair and sat in it backwards, leaning on the backrest and laying his chin on crossed arms. There he sat, back turned to the others, patiently waiting for any sign of Lucas.
"While we're on the subject of Tabuu," spoke Ike, gnawing through a chicken leg. "Mmm... Where did he even come from from, anyway?"
"Yeah, what's up with that guy?" Falco asked. "You two aren't exactly on the same page, are you?"
"No, we don't see eye-to-eye at all." Master Hand responded distantly, as if reminiscing. "Tabuu was a bit of an... accident. While preparing for the tourney's next installment, I decided to discontinue the Fighting Wire Frames and go down a more streamlined route by revising them as the Fighting Alloys. While reformatting their cores and designs, Crazy messed around with the data transferal and one of the Wire Frames malfunctioned. To put it simply, it was... 'glitched'. On top of that, it seemed it'd gained a conscious."
"Wow, really?" asked Link, sipping some hot chocolate. "Never knew that."
"Yes. You see, the Wire Frames, Alloys, and even the Polygons of days past are nothing but simple projections of the fighting spirits of those in the tourney. They have no brains, no sense of awareness, and cannot feel or convey emotion. They are essentially walking data." The hand shot his brother a supposedly evil look. "And if you hadn't been off gallivanting during the transferal process, none of this would've happened!"
The left hand had a seizure on the floor. "BUT I WAS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!"
Master Hand sighed and continued. "...Anyway, Tabuu planned to use his newfound powers to usurp me, threatening to destroy the entire Smash World if I didn't give in to his demands. Now aware of his existence, I suppose Tabuu wasn't too happy with nothing but memories of getting smacked around in his former state. Of course, I refused, so he tried to take over by force."
"WE GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH HIM!" cackled Crazy Hand, jumping up.
"Yes... It was nearly cataclysmic. Tabuu's powers rivaled our own, and he almost defeated us. But as a last-ditch effort, Crazy and I combined our powers to create a tear in the fabric of time and space, the only place suitable as a holding pen for him. I suppose you could say we were sweeping him under the rug. We banished him into Subspace and I assumed he'd be erased, his data scattered across the cosmos. ...Unfortunately, Tabuu is a crafty sort; he not only survived, but thrived in his surroundings, creating his own twisted kingdom from the abyss."
"And all this happened before Brawl even started?" Wario scoffed. "Man, we missed all the cool stuff!"
"I assure you if you'd been here, it wouldn't have been so 'cool'," responded the hand. "The very terrain of this universe was in disarray after the fight. That tear in sky from earlier was nothing compared to the aftermath. But I digress... Since the Fighting Teams are my creation, Tabuu retained some of my powers and called upon forces from different universes. Your universes. He also created his own brand of followers and subordinates while banished in Subspace. I never once thought he'd put together such a cunning and ingenious plan. They were supposed to serve as mere boss battles, but I'm sure he recruited the villains to help, as well."
"I heard they were planning on making a tournament for bad guys or something," added Samus.
Master Hand paused. If he had a face, his expression would akin to one of disgust mixed with utter disbelief.
"Well... They say intimation's the best form of flattery, I suppose," he finally said. "...Regardless, after the Starting Ceremonies, I let you all loose into the world to hone your skills and stretch your legs a bit before the fights officially began. Of course, the one time I decide to try something a little different, everything goes haywire. Tabuu tapped into the Smash mainframe and hijacked Mr. Game and Watch and R.O.B., not only forcing them under his will, but mass producing hundreds upon hundreds of copies. He used their components and machinery, along with his own dark powers, to create Subspace Bombs, among other things. He also hijacked Meta Knight's ship. How he did that without anyone noticing, I have no idea."
"Personally, I thought he was taking it for a spin," admitted Olimar.
Meta Knight narrowed his eyes. "...Why would I do that if I was outside training with the rest of you?"
The Hocotatian shrugged. "Autopilot?"
"Tabuu then came after me and I was thoroughly brainwashed. It was an ambush, so there was no time to put up a fight. I could've had some help if someone wasn't too busy making shadow puppets to notice my absence..." Master Hand glared at Crazy Hand again.
The left hand had another seizure on the floor. "BUT I WAS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!"
"Well, the rest, as they say, is history. And now you know. I was so proud of you for cleaning up my mistake by defeating Tabuu the first time. Imagine my surprise to find out not only did he survive, but you thwarted him again! Outstanding!"
"YEAH, WELL, YOU NEVER WOULD'VE DONE IT WITHOUT OUR HELP, EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" added his estranged brother.
"Ah, but I digress..." Master Hand took hold of Tabuu's trophy. "Don't worry. After the Closing Ceremonies, I'll send the bosses home, and Tabuu will be going away for a long, long time. This won't happen again..."
"I'LL TAKE THE OTHER ONES!" cackled Crazy Hand, doing so. "I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES, THOUGH!"
"Wait, you're leaving?" questioned Fox. "Aren't you going to stay and watch the fireworks? ...Hypothetically speaking."
"I'm afraid not," responded the hand. "In circumstances such as these, Crazy and I will have to make some calls, arrangements, and certain preparations. Please understand, we'll be quite busy until further notice, but do call us when the child gets here."
With that, the duo rose and dissipated into thin air, taking the trophies with them. Seeing their main source of entertainment was gone, the Smashers dispersed into their usual cliques or busied themselves with their own brand of amusement. Ness didn't move from his spot, catching the attention of Kirby. Always the cheerful sort, the puffball toddled up from behind him, holding a Maxim Tomato.
"Hey Ness," he said.
"...Hey."
Kirby looked at his food, offering it to the psychic. "You want something to eat?"
"...No, I'm good."
"Oh..." Kirby retracted his stubby arms, looking at his food sadly for a minute before eating it. "You, uh... wanna come over and play some games for a bit? Marth brought out Twister! I stopped playing 'cuz I don't reach too good..."
Ness smirked sadly, gaze still on the corridor. Usually, he would join in, but also declined with a blank, "No."
"Well..." Kirby looked downtrodden. "Mind if I keep you company, then?"
"Sure, whatever."
"Yay!" cheered the puffball, plopping on the floor to his left. "I still can't believe you and Lucas reflected that attack like that back there! It was awesome! I bet they didn't even know what hit them! Boom! Blam! Right back at ya!"
"Eh..." Ness cut his eyes in annoyance. He wasn't too keen on talking about that right now... Or ever again.
"That reminds me..." Kirby tapped his cheek in thought. "I feel like I need to tell you something. Something really important..."
Toon Link chose this time to walk up, holding his left arm in pain. "Hi, guys."
"Hey, TL." Kirby pointed. "What's wrong with your arm?"
He pouted. "Ganondorf got mad because he stinks at Twister and he... kind of pulled a suplex on me. Don't worry, I think it's just sprained. So, uh... What're you up to over here?"
"Talking 'bout the rescue mission," chirped the ball.
"Oh, cool." He pulled up a chair, sitting on Ness' right. "Mind if I join in?"
"Knock yourself out," coldly stated the psychic.
"So, what happened to you after we set out, Kirby?" asked Toon Link. "I heard you kind of up and disappeared after we split up."
"...OH!" Kirby gasped. "Now I remember! It was a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!"
Toon Link raised an eyebrow. "Something tells me you don't even know what that word means, so it must be serious."
"No, I don't know what it means, but you're darn tootin' it's serious!" Kirby jumped to his feet, shaking a nub. "It was all Red, that stupid meaniehead!"
The little swordsman blinked. "Red? What he'd do?"
"He told me he had a lead on where the bad guys might be hiding, so we went to the Jungle, then he goes and gets us lost, and then he just shows up with one of those weird gun thingies and shoots me!"
"Wait, he did what?!"
"Yeah!" continued Kirby. "And then he had the nerve to say, 'Nothing personal, it's just business!' Like it's some kinda joke or something! And he was wearing these weird sunglasses, too! Like, what's up with that?!"
Toon Link threw his arms up. "And you didn't think to tell anyone this until now?!"
The puffball pouted. "Well, I was mad and didn't wanna talk about it, then I forgot about it, then we had to worry about Lucas, then we—"
Ness sighed, already knowing the full story from the bosses. As Kirby rambled on, he glanced around the room for any sign of the Trainer. Curiously, he was still nowhere to be found. That wasn't a good sign...
He found it ironic that, despite Kirby and Toon Link's loud, verbal exchange, no one seemed to notice this apparent act of treason. Then again, maybe that was for the best; the last thing anyone needed was for the room to descend into chaos... Again.
Toon Link looked around suspiciously. "Kirby, I think you might've been a victim of sabotage. If what you say is true, you need to go tell Master Hand before something else happens..."
"Y'know what?" Kirby stomped a foot. "I am gonna tell on him! I missed out on all the fun just 'cuz he thought it'd be funny to turn me into a statue, and I don't appreciate it!"
Ness regarded him flatly. "So basically, you're more upset over missing out on the search mission than the fact that Red backstabbed you?"
Kirby looked at the floor innocently. "...Well, kinda. But the backstabbing wasn't cool, either! And I'm gonna make sure MH gives him a piece of his mind!"
The pair watched him leave as Toon Link rubbed his chin. "I knew something was up when Red tried hamming it up back in the Wilds..."
Ness groaned. "Oh, great. Now what?"
"After Rayquaza ambushed us and stole Lucas, Fox decided to put the search on hold while we regrouped. Then we got ambushed again by Ridley and he took some more Smashers hostage. Right after that, Red shows up and claims he barely escaped from the Research Facility."
Ness fumed. "That's a load of bull! That never happened!"
"Woah, what's going on over here?"
The duo looked up to see the Ice Climbers coming over, the voice belonging to Nana.
"Uh..." Toon Link scratched his head. "Confidential information we can't exactly disclose right now..."
"Well, considering we heard the words 'Red' and 'conspiracy', I think we have a hunch," responded the female climber.
Popo looked at her. "Do we? 'Cuz I sure don't. Sounds like the name of a spy movie, or something."
"Listen, now's not the time to get into this," said the green hero. "We have more pressing issues to attend to."
"Like what?" asked Popo.
Nana sighed. "Like supporting Lucas?"
"Oh yeah!" He looked around. "Where is she, anyway?"
Toon Link made a face. "She's in the back, having a baby..."
"What?!" He gasped. "When did this happen?!"
"Y'know what?" Ness massaged his temples. "I'm starting to get a headache over this..."
"Kirby already went to tell Master Hand, so we'll just let him handle it and worry about the details later," reasoned Toon Link.
"Yeah, don't worry, Ness," reassured Nana, her and Popo grabbing chairs. "Would it make you feel better if we hung out for a while?"
"No," he bitterly answered.
Nana made a face before continuing. "Well... We'll stay anyway. Just for the moral support."
"And 'cuz Ganondorf sucks at Twister," added Popo.
Toon Link gawked. "I know, right?! He is such a sore loser!" He crossed his arms and pouted. "...He probably doesn't even know how to play."
Ness blew loudly. He wasn't so sure if this was the kind of "moral support" he needed...
Kirby grumbled to himself as he trekked through the house, bound for the Hands' office. It was kinda weird with the place being so empty, since everyone was in the Infirmary. Even the Worker R.O.B.s seemed to've abandoned the place. One would roll by every once in a while, just to disappear as quickly as it came. Plus, it was still dark outside, which only added to the creepiness.
But he puffball continued on. Justice had to be served! He was almost to the office, anyway. Rounding another corner, it was only a few feet to the Hands' quarters when Kirby heard footsteps. Now, this wouldn't be so unsettling if the mansion was overrun with Smashers like usual. The R.O.B.s sure didn't make noises like this...
Hearing the footsteps get closer, Kirby ducked behind a small table. Peeking around the edge of the hall, he spotted none other than Red slinking around the corner and away from the office. Seeing the Trainer wasn't what made Kirby gasp, though; it was what he was holding.
And it was Tabuu's trophy?!
Red must've been off his rocker if he was planning to do what Kirby thought he was gonna do! Was he really thinking about releasing Tabuu?! After all they went through to put him away?! Well, not on his watch! Plus, this was the perfect chance to give him a taste of his own medicine! Seeing Red come his way, he resumed hiding behind the table.
"Okay, so last time didn't go over so well," Red muttered to the trophy as he walked past. "But y'know what they say; third time's the charm, right? You owe me one for doing this, so don't screw up again. Get everyone but Lucas this time, okay? Okay."
Even if Red was a lying, deceitful scumbag, Kirby could still get in trouble if he tried to take him down by force. It was only when Red reached the end of the hall that a light bulb finally went off in the pink ball's head. Mind made up, he stepped from behind the table and called out to him.
"Hey, Red!"
Startled, Red flinched and whipped around to see a very pouty Kirby. Upon realizing who it was, he relaxed.
"Oh, Kirby. It's only you..." he laughed uneasily. "Kinda scared me there, buddy."
"I know what you're doing!" accused the ball. "Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice... shame on you again!"
Red feigned innocence, looking around. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Kirby sighed. "Red, can't you just let this go? Like, what is this even gonna prove?"
"That Ness is a jerk and doesn't deserve Lucas half as much as I do," he said, matter-of-factly.
"But you're gonna destroy the house and everyone in it!"
"Can't MH just fix it again?"
"Not if Tabuu destroys him, too!"
The Trainer waved it off. "Well then, CH can fix it, big deal. Isn't he technically stronger than MH, anyway?"
Kirby angrily waved his nubs. "That's not the point!"
"Sorry, Kirbs, I'd love to stay and chat, but time's a-wastin'." Red turned to leave, taking Tabuu's statue with him. "This'll probably be the last time we see each other, by the way. After I fetch Charizard, we'll create a diversion, grab Lucas, and blow this pop stand."
"But she's having a baby!"
"I can wait. But the clock's ticking, Kirby. If you don't get outta here by the time I release this son of a bitch, you'll be the world's cutest paperweight. I suggest you get all your stuff and vamoose while you still can."
Kirby frowned. This was horrible! He had a feeling talking to Red wouldn't work, leaving him with only one legal option. As Red strolled down the corridor, Kirby stood strong at the other end and puffed up.
...If Red wasn't gonna listen to what came outta his mouth, maybe he'd change his tune once he saw inside his mouth.
Ness cut his eyes at the clock for what seemed like the umpteenth time. It was a little after 6:30 in the morning now. The chatter and activity of the Infirmary had quieted as the conscious Smashers had been whittled down, one by one. Ness was the only soul still awake now, the snores and incoherent mumbling of the others filling the air behind him.
It'd been six hours. Six of the longest, worst hours of his life.
He'd actually dozed off several times, only to jolt awake, heart pounding, at the slightest noise. Whether it was a quiet sigh from Pikachu or a loud snort from Bowser, he was on edge. Ness just wanted this whole thing to be over.
His eyes burned with tears as he loosed a hard yawn and grumbled, head bobbing up and down as he continued to fight off exhaustion. He was no longer coherent at this point, almost driven into a catatonic state. Things such as sight, sound, and smell meant nothing to him now. He was so drained, he couldn't even comprehend the sound of footsteps coming down the hall.
"Whew! Finally, we're done! I believe we cleaned up pretty good down there, if I do say so myself." Mario removed his plastic, blood-stained gloves. "I mean, was there ever any doubt?"
"You were fantastic back there, darling!" cooed Peach, kissing him. "What would we ever do without you?"
"Uh-oh." Mario noticed the unconscious fighters sprawled out everywhere. "Guess we kept them waiting too long, huh? What time is it now?"
"Half past six," responded Peach, glancing at the clock.
"Six hours?" He crossed his arms. "Hmm, not bad, considering the circumstances."
Peach smiled, going over to gently shake a dozing Ness. "Ness?" she whispered. "Ness, honey. Wake up, we have a surprise for you."
"What—?!" He almost jumped outta his skin. "W-what? What is it? What happened?"
The princess giggled. "Ness, it's over. And the delivery was a success."
Ness looked at her like a zombie, stupefied and aghast at her presence. He was so out of it, he wasn't even sure if what she'd just said was what she'd just said. ...Who was he even talking to?
She giggled again, sweetly calling out to the others. "Everyone! Get up! We have some wonderful news for you all! Come see!"
Usually, it woulda taken something like an atomic bomb to wake up the Smashers en masse, but the 30-odd people in the room sprung awake and jumped into action before Peach could barely finish. In a matter of seconds, she was overrun with eager fighters. Ness ended up getting trampled in the chaotic stampede, straggling behind the others. When were these people gonna learn not to do crap like that?
"Well...?" Dedede was on pins and needles. "H-how'd it go?"
"How's the baby?!" asked Pit, ready to rip his laurel off.
("Is it boy or girl?!") demanded DK.
"Does it have any extra toes or fingers?!" excitedly asked Popo, getting thrashed by his feminine counterpart.
Mario chuckled. "Well... Let's just say we definitely got more than what we bargained for..."
("What's that supposed to mean?!") Yoshi danced in place. ("Please, tell us what happened!")
Mr. Game and Watch beeped and wielded a chair.
Peach's smile widened. "Okay then..."
She retreated back into the hallway and soon returned, wheeling out a bassinet covered with blankets. Faces aglow, the Smashers gather around, collectively "ooh"ing as something wiggled underneath. Despite their apprehension, everyone seemed too nervous to actually unravel the blanket. They looked to and fro at each other, hoping someone would take the plunge. Eventually, all eyes came to rest on a vacant Ness.
("Ness, you're the father,") spoke Lucario, startling him. ("...Why you don't uncover it?")
Ness looked at the Pokemon, then back at the bassinet, dumbfounded. He... supposed he could do it. ...But what about that dream with Red and Lucas? What if, by some horrible coincidence, the kid looked like the Trainer? What if that dream was a premonition of the future? The psychic stalled.
Wolf shoved him. "C'mon, kid! Just do it already! The suspense is killing me!"
"A-ah...!" Ness lazily staggered forward, still sleep-deprived. He frowned at the canid, who egged him on. Looking back at the fidgeting blanket, Ness took a deep breath and approached.
Cautiously, he took his good arm and grabbed the edge of a blanket, the rest watching with bated breath. Before Ness could remove the blanket, the squirming underneath increased, flinging off the cover by itself. Everyone gasped.
Reluctantly, the little bundle of joy peeked its head over the sheets and looked around, taking in its new surroundings and all the weird creatures staring at it. Eventually, it caught sight of Ness and stared at him curiously. Ness stared back, stupefied and exhausted.
It had Lucas' cute, little button nose, but a full head of Ness' jet-black hair. Actually, it'd taken pretty much everything else from its father. Hair, face, cheeks, eyes... Ness did a double-take, surprised at the child's eye color. The left eye was a deep cobalt like Ness', while the right eye was sky blue like Lucas', a rarity if he'd ever seen one. Fortunately, it didn't seem to be a birth defect, as the baby could see perfectly. Ness blew a sigh of relief, at both this and the fact that there was no way in hell Red could've fathered it.
Jigglypuff was the first to react, squealing, ("Awwwwwwww...! It's so cuuuuuuuuuute!")
Ness was immediately knocked to the floor, his child snatched away by someone as the horde of Smashers crowded around it. Seriously, how was his back not broken by this point? He was too tired to voice a complaint, so whatever.
Sighing, he groggily stood, trying to get his bearings when he noticed something else in the blankets move. While everyone else gushed and fawned over the baby, Ness leaned in to inspect this other thing. Could it be...?
His question was answered as another little head poked out from between the covers, startling him. The two locked eyes as they regarded each other in both shock and confusion.
It was clear this child got more of its genes from Lucas compared to the other one. It'd inherited her fair-hairedness, boasting lavish, brunette locks with a tinge of auburn. While it was soft and weightless like Lucas' hair, it was also slightly messy, yet not nearly unkempt as Ness'. It looked around, showing off its shockingly green eyes. Its clueless expression had 'Lucas' written all over it. The only thing it did get from Ness was his skin tone.
Again, before he could finish processing this information, Zelda turned in time to see him interacting with the child.
"OMG, THEY HAD TWINS!" she screeched, alerting the attention of everyone else, as well shattering a few eardrums.
Ness was so stunned at this sudden turn of events, he didn't bother putting up a fight as the second baby was whisked away into the crowd. Talk about rude. Last time he checked, these were his and Lucas' kids... Not that he was being overprotective, or anything.
He was about to go over there and tell everyone to calm the hell down when Mario stopped him, gesturing at the bassinet once more. Ness was horrified to see the blankets still moving.
No... No, it couldn't be! That wasn't possible! It wasn't! Distraught, he looked to Peach, who only giggled back.
"Well?" she asked. "Aren't you going to see what else is inside?"
Ness gazed at her dubiously, then back at the squirming blankets. This had to be some sort of prank. What, was Pikachu in there? Was he gonna pop out and shake his hand with an electric buzzer as a gag? Were those weird, jokey snake things gonna spring out? Ness was so flustered, he yanked off the blanket, prepared to be hit in the face with a pie or something.
For a third time, he was met with a pair of large, curious eyes from another baby. These were deep blue, lacking the purplish tint of its father's pupils. It'd picked up Ness' traits in the face, but the hair was all Lucas. He could already see the natural pattern of its hair curling into a cowlick. Its locks weren't as bright in comparison to Lucas' golden coif, sporting a light blond color instead. Unlike the other two, this one calmly looked around before relaxing, disinterested in its surroundings.
"OMG, THEY HAD TRIPLETS!" announced Nana, obviously filling in for Zelda.
This time, Ness managed to hold off the oncoming horde of Smashers as the inevitable fight broke out. Sheesh, he knew it was a fighting tournament, but these guys sure got into fights over the stupidest things sometimes. A fart could cause an all-out war if they weren't careful. Fortunately, Master Hand and Crazy Hand materialized outta nowhere just as the punches started flying.
"Oh my!" exclaimed the right hand, unfazed by the scuffle. "Well! I see the stork dropped off three little bundles of joy for the price of one! That must be a big relief for Lucas, both mentally and psychically."
"I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA HAVE NOPELETS!" said Crazy Hand. "THAT'S WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY, EXCEPT NOT REALLY! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Seeing the worst of it was over, scattered and hushed gossips began brewing. Ness somehow ended up with all three babies as the fight came to an abrupt end. Panicking, he quickly put them back in the bassinet before anyone could notice and make stupid, demeaning comments about how cute it was to see him hold them. He wasn't ready to face that yet...
"Wow, Lucas was packed!"
"I always thought she looked a little too big to be having one baby..."
"Yeah, but triplets?!"
"Sheesh, talk about a heavy load!"
"She must be exhausted! Oh, my back hurts just thinking about it!"
"But they sure are cute, though!"
"Whatever! I'm just glad this whole thing's over!"
A fearful Olimar addressed Mario. "She... only had three, right?"
The mustachioed man laughed. "Yes, she only had three."
("What're the genders?") asked Pikachu.
"They're all boys. Fraternal."
He titled an ear dubiously. ("...You checked, right? Lucas thought she was a boy, so what if they're all girls?")
The plumber/doctor rolled his eyes. "Yes, we checked. 100% male, all of them. We don't know what happened with Lucas, but these boys are boys."
"Speaking of which... How's Lucas?" Ness asked, hopeful.
Mario scratched his mustache. "Well... She's doing better than before. The assault from Porky left her stomach and ribs badly bruised, causing her to bleed internally. Halfway through the procedure, she began hemorrhaging and went into hypovolemic shock. We had to scramble and make a lot of quick decisions and things definitely got a little intense, but in the end, Lucas pulled through and stabilized. It seems she took the brunt of the attack herself. None of the babies were harmed."
Ness didn't know what any of that crap meant, but the last few words managed to put his mind at ease.
Master Hand clenched his fist. "Fantastic news! Now, that's the mark of a Smasher! A true fighter to the end! Kudos to Lucas for a personal victory in her own right!"
The psychic grumbled in disgust, not in the mood for one of the hand's grandiose speeches. He asked the Italian, "Can I see her?"
Mario rolled his shoulders around. "I don't see why not. You might be just the thing she needs to perk her up. Nurse Peach, could you escort Ness back to see her? I'll handle things out here."
"Yes, Doctor," she giggled, motioning Ness to follow her.
Seeing her leave, Ness eagerly followed, looking back at the bassinet once more as Mario and Master Hand took care of things in his stead. Meanwhile, Crazy Hand proceeded to shoo off the other Smashers, randomly flattening a few as they dispersed. Hopefully, he'd made the right choice in leaving.
No sooner had he thought that, he bumped into Peach, whipping forward in shock. The princess recoiled in equal shock as he stumbled backwards. By this point, the two'd reached a door that presumably lead to Lucas' room.
Seeing the fearful expression on his face, she smiled. "I know you're on edge, Ness, but relax. Everything's okay."
Somehow, that made him feel about a million times worse. He didn't like how calm she was being, as if trying to prepare him for some awful news too horrible to say in public. His fears were only heightened as Peach grasped the knob and opened it. Gently, she stuck her head through.
"Lucaaaaas," she sang. "Somebody's here to visit yooooou."
Ness cringed, waiting for a response. He didn't know why he was still so nervous. Maybe because he was afraid of Lucas' condition... Sure, Mario said she was doing fine, but what if she was silently suffering? What if she'd been reduced to a complete mess? What if her condition had worsened while they were gone?
His worrying as cut short as she meekly answered, "Okay... Could you send them in, please?"
"Yes, dear." Peach backed away, scooting Ness into the room. "You can go on and see her now. I'll leave you to alone for a bit. Just call me if you need anything."
Ness carefully crept inside as she left, hit with a powerful sense of déjà vu from his dream. Or should he say nightmare? Across the room, Lucas lay in bed, body tensed and occasionally shivering in pain. Her trembling hands clutched the sheets of her bed, chest rising and falling from labored breathing. She was pale and drenched with sweat, gaze distant and unfocused. She looked pretty out of it, for obvious reasons... Despite all this, Lucas still looked just as pure and pristine as could be. A little shaken, but still beautiful.
Her regular clothes had been discarded somewhere, leaving her clad in a hospital gown. Next to her on a nightstand lay her bell necklace, leaving Ness to wonder why the hell that thing hadn't been taken away at this point.
Forcing a weak smirk, Lucas turned her head towards him. "Hi, Ness..."
"Hey." He tentatively spoke. "You okay?"
"...I've been better," she whispered.
"Yeah..." He drearily nodded. "Me, too."
Lucas could see Ness was skittish about her condition. He stood several feet away from her, swaying from side to side nervously. He was obviously spent, his body language lethargic and sluggish as he looked her over with tired eyes. She had reason to believe he'd gone through just as much as she had. Maybe not physically, but definitely mentally.
She motioned for him. "Come here..."
Ness flinched as she did this, slowly, almost painfully making his way over. After what seemed like an eternity, he reached Lucas' bedside. Her smile broadening as she extended her weak arms. Almost instinctively, Ness flopped down on a nearby chair and embraced her, surprising Lucas with his sudden strength. She shivered again as they hugged, making Ness' eyes burn with tears. She was still hurting...
"...Are you okay?" she asked.
Ness didn't answer, shoulders shaking as he quietly sobbed. He still hated crying, but he was just so relieved, he didn't care. Despite his tears, he smiled. After dealing with all this crap, all the stress, and all the pain, she was still going strong. He fully expected her to curse his name forever after this. Had he been in her shoes, he would've screwed off a long, long time ago.
But not Lucas. Not sweet, lovable, tolerant Lucas. He was so proud of his girl, and so ashamed he couldn't do more for her.
The room was silent for a moment until Lucas questioned him again. "...So? Did you see them? Do you like them?"
Ness pulled away, dumbfounded. "What do you mean, 'do I like them?' What kinda crazy question is that?"
"I..." Lucas looked down in shame. "I don't know. I just thought... Maybe you'd... be mad..."
"Be mad? ...Why?"
"Because... I had more than one."
Ness was aghast. "And you thought I'd be mad? Over that?"
"Yeah... Well, I mean... I don't know," she laughed bitterly. "I'm just so used to messing things up all the time... I can't even have children right. We were expecting one, but then this happened and... Ness, I'm sorry. You didn't ask for this. But don't hate the babies, please. It's not their fault."
It was then Ness finally realized why he had such an overwhelming feeling of dread on his way to the room. It was Lucas' PSI, tinged with uncertainty, nagging at his conscience. Even now, he still felt weighed down with some vague feeling of self-doubt and fear of the unknown.
...Did he really seem that cold? He'd be the first one to admit he was pretty indifferent towards her pregnancy, but it wasn't outta spite. He just... didn't know how to react. In truth, he was more proud of Lucas and the babies than anyone could ever give him credit for. Unfortunately, his aloofness was enough to send out the wrong message. For that, he was sorry, but feeling sorry for himself wouldn't solve any of this.
"Lucas, stop," he said sternly, squeezing her shoulders. "You know me better than that, c'mon. I don't care if you had eight babies; they're still ours, and I still love them. Just like I still love you." He gently caressed her cheek. "I don't want my girl feeling sad, all right? Not if I have anything to do with it. Those kids don't want a sad mom, either. So, cheer the hell up already. ...Okay?"
Lucas looked surprised, not expecting such a heartfelt response. She was about to question his credibility when she noticed how flushed his cheeks were. The tear streaks on Ness' face spoke volumes. Finally, she smiled.
"...Thanks, Ness." She nuzzled against him. "Sorry for being such a worrywart. That really means a lot to me. You always know just what to say."
Well, he wouldn't have put it that way, but...
The two were interrupted by at knock at the door. As they sat up, Mario entered, Peach pushing in the bassinet behind him. At this, Ness briskly rubbed his face to remove any signs of crying.
"So? How's everyone doing?" Mario asked.
"About the same," responded Lucas with a smile. "Still a little... tired."
"We thought we'd bring you the babies so you can spend more together with them. We practically had to tear them away from the others, you know. They couldn't get enough of them!" Peach clapped her hands excitedly. "Now that they've had a little exposure, they need some time alone with Mommy, hmm?"
"And the proud father?" Mario presumed.
"Yeah, well..." Ness averted his eyes, not exactly used to his new title.
He continued stumbling over his words as Mario began tending to Lucas, checking her vital signs and overall health. Meanwhile, Peach offered her painkillers, to which she quickly refused.
"Oh, sweetie," she urged. "At least take something for the pain. You'd be recovering a lot faster if you did..."
"No, Peach..." Lucas reclined in bed. "I don't need any of that stuff. I'm fine."
The nurse/princess frowned sadly. "Are you sure? You really look like you're in pain..."
Lucas nodded, shuddering. "I am, but don't worry. I've never been better. Please, let me have some dignity."
Peach sighed. "Okay, okay. It's your choice. But if you ever feel like you need something, just say so." She proceeded to busy herself with other things. "I know you've got your sense of pride, but you must have some strong beliefs to go through all of this without any narcotics."
Ness snapped up upon hearing that, thinking lack of sleep was to blame. Did he hear her correctly? Did Peach just say Lucas went through birthing triplets without drugs? Lucas saw his expression and smiled, closing her eyes.
"Yes, Ness. I did. I went through the whole thing naturally. ...It was probably against my better judgement to do so, but I did. I don't believe in sedatives, and I wanted to preserve those beliefs." She laughed softly. "If my mom could do it with twins, I could, too. I wasn't expecting triplets, but... that's besides the point."
"Guess I shouldn't have to ask whether or not your want them circumcised," guessed Mario. Lucas scowled in response, making him nod. "Figured as much."
"Luke..." Ness softly pat her hair, mortified. "Why? ...Why the hell did you do that? Why would you want to go through all that pain...?"
"Because I wanted to prove my worth. To myself," she explained. "I know it sounds silly, but I'm sure you've been in the same situation before..."
"Yeah, but... Lucas, you... You didn't have to..."
Ness rubbed his face in disgust. He really didn't wanna start bawling again, especially in front of Mario and Peach. He understood where Lucas was coming from in her pursuit, but it tore him up inside to know what she'd really been through. Her telling him her life story already destroyed him, then Porky beating her up, and now this. He felt ready to vomit...
"Well, your health is improving," said Mario, sitting up from whatever the hell he was doing. "Your status is no longer stable, but has now been upgraded to recovering. Peach, could you make those changes to her charts and report it to Master Hand, please?"
"Yes, Doctor." Peach nodded and swiftly left.
"If you're not going to be taking any prescription medicine, I'll have Olimar recommend some medicinal herbs and remedies to help instead. Are you okay with that?"
"Yes," Lucas faintly answered.
"All right..." He scribbled on something down a clipboard. "Well, that about does it. The babies check out, and all you have to do now is get better. We'll continue to monitor all four of you, but for the time being, your prognosis looks well. Get plenty of rest, food, and liquids, and if you need anything, please refer to the nurse call button on the table. Congratulations to both of you and, uh, good job!"
A brisk pat on Ness' shoulder was his farewell message as he left. Ness was too busy trying to hold himself together, hand still over his face at such Lucas' startling revelation. He had a feeling Mario's hasty exit was due to his suddenly distressed state, to which he greatly appreciated. He didn't mean to be so damn sensitive when it came to Lucas' well-being, but...
"Ness."
The psychic slowly looked up to see Lucas staring at him adoringly, holding the bassinet.
"Don't be so upset," she spoke. "I promise, everything's fine now. And that's all that matters, right?"
He sighed loudly, rubbing his face again. "I know, I know. I'm just... I worry about you, Luke. I don't like you being hurt..."
"It's okay. I'm good, really. But enough about that..." She turned her attention to the babies, sticking her arm inside to touch them. They clamored for her attention, mewling as her hand caressed their heads and faces.
Ness noticed the black and brunette babies were more rowdy and fussy, while the blonde was gentle and relaxed. He sat calmly sat to the side, watching his brothers squirm. Something told Ness he'd be just as timid and clingy as Lucas, whereas the other two would be as wild and rambunctious as himself.
Lucas finally settled her hand on the blond child, taking him out of the bassinet. She brought him to her face and grinned.
"Hi there," she greeted, booping his nose with her own. The baby responded by pawing at her face, cooing. "Well, aren't you friendly? You know what? I think it's time we give you and brothers names. Hmm? How does that sound?"
Ness was shocked the thought hadn't crossed his mind yet. They hadn't really discussed any serious choices up until this point, either. And now that they were dealing with triplets, they'd have to think up that many more names.
Lucas held the blond baby to her shoulder, letting him take hold of her. "I was thinking... Since there's three of them, maybe we can each name one and choose the third name together."
Ness shrugged. "I guess we can do that. Did you have any names in mind, 'cuz I got one—"
Lucas frowned. "We're not naming any of them Ness Jr."
Ness scoffed. "Aw, c'moooon! Why not? Look at that one!" He gestured to the raven-haired baby in the bassinet. "He looks just like me! That doesn't warrant a junior?"
"No, that's unoriginal and lazy." Her pout melted in a smile as she rocked her son. "I want them all to have names that bind them together, but make them individual."
"Like what?"
Her smile broadened as she gestured to her blond son. "...I want to name this one Taylor."
"Taylor?" Ness turned his mouth up as he repeated the name. "Isn't that a girl's name?"
"It's unisex, it can be for a boy or girl. I've always liked that name. It's simple, humble, and practical."
"Eh..." Ness mulled it over. He wasn't exactly sure if he liked it. "Any reason you wanna use that name?"
"Where I come from, a name means a lot, Ness. It paves the way for your future and lifestyle. It needs to have meaning and sound tame. I don't want him to him to become condensing, after all."
"I... guess that's true?"
Ness wasn't one to look for meanings in a name, but Lucas sounded like she knew what she was talking about. And it wasn't the... worse name he'd ever heard? The more he said it in his head, the more it grew on him. Wouldn't have been a name he'd chose, but it did have a nice ring to it.
"Well... All right, you win. I guess it's okay."
Lucas smiled, nuzzling the baby's face. "Then it's settled. You're going to be called Taylor, little one."
Taylor responded by snuggling up to her bosom, gazing up at Lucas lovingly. He babbled and buried his head in her chest.
"Now you get to name one, Ness." Her voice turned stern. "And we're not going with Junior or anything else silly."
"Tch. Fine then."
He leaned over and narrowed his eyes at the two remaining babies, trying to come up with a decent name for the brunette. He didn't care what Lucas said; that black-haired one was a Ness Jr., dammit. But he figured he'd try and persuade her otherwise later... Meanwhile, he focused on the other little munchkin until the perfect title came to mind.
"Spencer," he plainly said, sitting back.
"...Spencer?" the blonde repeated.
"Yeah."
"That's an... interesting name." She thought on it for a moment. "Spencer, Spencer... I like it. It even rhymes with Taylor." She gushed. "Did you do that on purpose?"
"Not really."
She put Taylor back in the cradle, picking up the newly-named baby and kissing him. "Then your name is Spencer. Isn't that a good one?"
Spencer cooed as he was smooched, more interested in Lucas' hair than what she was saying. He tugged and played with it, still trying to understand how fingers worked.
"That's a nice name, by the way." Lucas looked to Ness as she cuddled Spencer. "Where'd you get it from?"
Ness smirked. "Well... Spencer's my favorite kind of steak."
"Ness, you dork!" she squealed, battering him with a pillow. It was nice to hear her voice raised after all this time of borderline whispering. "We don't name our children after food! What's the matter with you?!"
He shielded himself with his good arm, laughing. "Hey, you said you liked it! It's not something I made up, and it's already a real name! C'mon, you know how much I love steak, so it has relevance!"
"Oooooooooh! ...Fine." She flung the pillow at him, tending to the babies again. "You're lucky it sounds so handsome... Now, I'll handle the last one."
Ness objected. "I thought we were gonna name him together!"
"I already thought up a name, and I think you'll like it." She giggled. "I know you want to name him Ness Jr., and even though I'm still against that, we can compromise. How about we name him... Nestor?"
The title made Ness perk up, as if he'd heard his own name.
"He looks so much like you..." she mused. "It'd be a shame to not name him accordingly."
A coy smirk creased his lips. "Heh, so you think that'd be a good name? You're... okay with that?"
"I don't mind naming people in honor of others. Just no Juniors or seconds or thirds. Is that fine with you?"
"Yeah. That's... That's fine with me..." he hollowly answered, gaze slightly tilted down.
Puzzled by his distant response, Lucas studied his expression curiously. "Ness? Are you... Are you blushing?"
He snapped his head up in time to show off his hot, red cheeks. "N-no!"
Lucas grinned slyly. "I think you are...!"
"W-well, I'm not!" he denied, eyes darting around as he fumbled with the bill of his hat. "It's... just kinda warm in here, okay...?"
Lucas could see he was trying to stifle a smile, confirming her suspicions. She picked up Nestor and rustled his short, messy hair. "Did you hear that, Nestor? Daddy likes your name! He's got a weird way of showing it, but you'll get used to it."
Nestor stared at Lucas long and hard before loosing a little sneeze. He seemed disinterested in her, but awed by everything else in the room.
"Nestor, Spencer, and Taylor..." Lucas pondered more. "They all rhyme... but sound completely different. Their names're even in alphabetical order and in the order they were born. ...I like that. Yes. They roll off the tongue nicely. Don't you think so? I hope they like their names."
"With a mom named Lucas, I'm sure they could've gotten worse..." quipped Ness to no one in particular. Another pillow was flung at him.
Seeing their brother getting more attention, Spencer and Taylor suddenly became fussy. Lucas quickly put Nestor in her right arm, grabbing the other two together in her left. She furrowed her brow in concentration as she juggled the trio around. Eventually, she settled them the way she wanted; Taylor in her left arm, Spencer on the right, and Nestor snuggled against her chest. She sighed, grinning at Ness sheepishly.
Ness chuckled awkwardly. "Looks like you got your hands full, huh?"
"Don't worry, I got things under control."
No sooner had she said that, Taylor started to cry. Startled, Lucas gently rocked him to calm him down, only succeeding upsetting Spencer. In trying to quiet him, Nestor began to whimper, causing Lucas to become exasperated. An idea then struck, making her look up at Ness with sparkling eyes.
He blinked. "...What?"
"Ness? Could you do me a favor and hold one of the babies for me? I only have room for two..."
The request clearly caught him off-guard. It wasn't that he didn't want to... He just... Uh... He looked around frantically, trying to think up an excuse that didn't consist of the truth. Ness was too proud to admit he was nervous.
"Luke, I would, but..." He gestured to his arm in a sling. "I can't. Don't wanna drop 'em..."
Lucas beamed. "You won't, I promise. Here."
"W-wait! I can't...!"
Ness had no say in the mater as Lucas handed him Nestor, scrambling to grab a hold of him with his working arm. Flustered, he held the baby in all the wrong positions as Lucas adjusted the other two. Now only having to deal with them, she held the pair expertly, as if she'd been doing this her whole life. Immediately, Spencer and Taylor stopped crying.
Desperate to prove his worth, Ness struggled to maneuver Nestor into a comfortable position. After a few flimsy tries, he got him somewhat situated on the shoulder of his good arm. Ness was so flabbergasted, he didn't notice Nestor had stopped crying as well. He babbled and tugged on Ness' shirt, gaze focused skyward.
Lucas noticed this. "What's he staring at?"
Ness also looked upward, expecting to see some asshole like Sheik trying to spy on them. Nestor's babbling continued until Ness realized he wasn't looking at the ceiling, but at him. He pawed at the air, yearning for something. Lucas quickly pieced things together.
"Try putting that red cap on him," she sweetly suggested.
Ness froze, hit with another strong wave of déjà vu. But it wasn't from his nightmare this time. No, it was from...
When he was a baby.
He recalled it as if it were a dream, but he knew it happened. His mother and father, proud new parents, doting over their son. They'd just settled on a name for him, and his dad...
He wore a hat. This hat. Something about it stood out in Ness' memories, its red hue contrasting the monochrome setting. He remembered wanting it in a similar fashion...
...Almost as if driven by some unknown force, Ness reluctantly lowered his head to let Nestor touch his beloved hat. As expected, this was exactly what Nestor wanted, tiny fingers rubbing the cap's fabric and tugging the messy hair it covered. Feeling his hair pulled, Ness winced and shook his head a little, accidentally dislodging the hat and causing it to fall on Nestor's head.
Lucas laughed. "It's too big, but it looks good on him..."
Ness' puzzled expression turned to one of shock as her comment resonated with him. He recalled his own mother saying those exact words, her voice soft and clear as a bell. Lucas was too enamored with Nestor to notice, but he was starting to get spooked.
His thoughts came to an abrupt end when the sound of a camera shutter went off.
"Awwww! Now, that's a keeper!" squealed Peach, the culprit. She was poised at the doorway with a camera, Mario standing behind her.
"H-hey!" Ness' cheeks turned redder than a Maxim Tomato, beyond embarrassed. "What're you doing in here?! Can't we get some privacy for two seconds?! Cripes!"
"Well," answered Mario, he and Peach entering, "we came to take pictures of the babies so we can fill out your portfolios and their birth certificates. It was a great photo op, you must admit."
"Oh, good timing. We just finished naming them, too." Lucas handed off her babies to the makeshift nurse, gesturing to each child. "This one's Taylor, that one's Spencer, and that one over there's Nestor."
"Aww, those're adorable! Well, we'll make sure we document them." Peach whisked away the trio, placing them in the bassinet. "Sorry we've got to take them away again, but you understand, right?"
"That's fine." Lucas reclined in bed. "I was thinking of taking a nap, anyway..."
That was a good idea. In all the excitement, Ness'd forgotten how tired he was. Now that Lucas mentioned it, the sleepiness came back full-force. He glanced at the blonde, who already knew what was on his mind.
"I know. You're tired, too. But don't worry about me, you go on and have a rest. We both need it."
"Heh. All right." He stood. "I know you got this... But if anything comes up, I'll be in our room, okay?"
"Okay..." sighed Lucas.
"I'll be back in a few hours to check on you."
"Okay..."
"And if you need help, I'll—"
"Okay, Ness." Peach smiled hard, showing him the door. "We get it. You'll be in touch. Now, you go on and take a nice, little siesta or something. We'll handle things from here. Bye-bye!"
"All right, all right, I get it. Sheesh..." he grumbled, being shoved outside.
Mario left first with the babies, going further down the hall to places unknown. With Ness out of the way, Peach went back in with Lucas and closed the door. He sighed. Well, that was the end of that.
No sooner had he walked back down the hallway, Falco zipped up, slapping a wing on his shoulder with the biggest, cheesiest grin he'd seen on him in ages.
"Heeeeey!" he greeted. "Look what we've got here! The new dad! I guess you should start saying, 'hands off my baes!' now, huh?"
"No," growled Ness, leaving. Not two seconds later, Wario punched him in the gut, looking equally insidious.
"How about those triplets, huh? What'd ya name 'em, Loser 1, Loser 2, and Loser 3?"
"No." Then came Olimar.
The alien pointed to a wristwatch. "Hey Ness, do you know what time it—?"
"No." And he soldiered on.
Ness'd had it up to here with everyone trying to pick on him like this. Lucas was fine, the babies were fine, and that's all that mattered. He didn't care if the whole house was against him. He had new resolve, a family to take care of. He didn't need about 30 assholes taunting him when he had bigger things to look out for.
So he kept walking, ignoring the jokey Pikachu trying to give him exploding cigars, the ecstatic Yoshi offering him bubblegum cigars, and the mildly bemused Snake suggesting him real cigars. He had better things to do. Like sleep.
Reaching the Infirmary's entrance, Ness was almost home free when Kirby toddled in, his body considerably more swollen than usual. It was obvious he had something in his mouth.
"Mmf! Mmf! Mmrf mmrf mmnrh mrrh murr!" he announced.
Ness made a face. "...What?"
Kirby waved his arms frantically. "Mrff mrff mrrrf! Mrrf mnrfff mrrrrnnf!"
"Kirby, please, not right now, okay? It's been a long night, and I wanna go to sleep..."
"Mrrnmmnnff frrnmmn frrrmnnf mmmrrf!"
Luckily for Ness, the puffball's constant mumbling eventually attracted some Smashers, as well as both Master Hand and Crazy Hand.
"What in the name of Smash is going on over here?" the right hand inquired. Kirby spotted him and went nuts.
"MMRH MMRH MRRF! MMRH MMRH MRRF!"
"Kirby, you're going to have to speak up... I can't understand—"
Kirby did him one better by finally spitting out what was in his mouth the whole time. Everyone gasped as who else but Red was expelled from his gut, tumbling onto the floor with Tabuu's trophy in tow.
"I said, 'I got Red!' I caught him doing something naughty!" tattled Kirby.
"Red!" Master Hand pointed at him. "What is the meaning of this?!"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." The Trainer stalled, looking around until he randomly pointed at Kirby. "He did it."
Kirby jumped back in surprise. "What?!"
Crazy Hand pointed at the puffball. "PUNISHMEEEEENT!"
"B-but I didn't do anything!" he whined.
"I was going to wait until things settled down to announce this, but it seems that Tabuu's trophy had gone missing from my office," Master Hand said sternly. "It most likely disappeared while I was handling the documentation of Ness and Lucas' children... So one of you had better have a good explanation for this."
Red jumped up, dropping Tabuu's trophy. "It was all Kirby's fault, that cur! Why, it's a good thing I was here to help catch him! He almost got away with it, too!"
He proudly stuck his chest out like the smug bastard he was, as if he'd accomplished something. Unfortunately, the narrowed eyes and shaking heads of the Smashers said otherwise. They were skeptical. This included Master Hand, who tapped his fingers in mid-air as if waiting to hear what really happened. Kirby was way too naive to do anything this malevolent, and they knew it.
Red crossed his arms. "Oh, what? You don't believe me? Tabuu had it out for all of us! And who's to say Kirby wasn't in on it, too? It's a damn conspiracy, I tell ya! You think I'm lying?!"
R.O.B. chose this time to roll up, commanding the group's attention. "MASTER HAND, IF I MAY INTERJECT. SOURCES INDICATE SMASHER RED WAS NOT ACCOUNTED FOR UPON INITIAL ARRIVAL TO SMASH MANSION. SMASHER RED HAS ALSO BEEN SPOTTED BY R.O.B. SENTRIES AROUND THE MAIN OFFICE. WE HAVE NOT YET DETERMINED ANY MOTIVES, BUT THEY APPEAR NEFARIOUS."
Everyone turned from R.O.B. to frown at Red, whose face fell.
"...Oh, sure. Trust the robot. But when he tries to take over the world and enslave you all, don't come crying to me!"
"R.O.B., continue with your assessment, please. What was Kirby's status during all this?" asked Master Hand.
R.O.B. whirred, rotating his head around. "SOURCES INDICATE SMASHER KIRBY WAS ALSO SPOTTED BY R.O.B. SENTRIES AROUND THE OFFICE. WE HAVE NOT YET DETERMINED ANY MOTIVES, BUT THEY APPEAR INNOCENT. EVIDENCE CLAIMS HE WAS IN PURSUIT OF A HIGHER AUTHORITY."
"Yeah!" Kirby angrily waved his nubs. "I was trying to find you to say that Red's in cahoots with Tabuu! He's the one up to no good, not me!"
For some reason, everyone gasped. Well, except Ness. He'd known this all since the beginning. Hopefully, Kirby would have better luck ratting out Red than he did.
Red waggled a finger teasingly. "Kirby, stop being in denial and just admit you're the one behind all this. MH might go easy on you if you do."
Kirby was really riled up now, bouncing up and down in a fit. "No, I'm not, 'cuz you're the one who shot me in the back with that Statue-Trophy Gun thingy! Literally!"
The Trainer put his hands on his hips and laughed. "Oh, you're really grasping at straws now! Like, how the hell would I even get one of those things? And when would I have time to do it? I'm offended you would even say something like that..."
"Charizard was there and he saw the whole thing, didn't you?!" argued Kirby, pointing at the dragon.
The Smashers and both hands looked toward the back of the room to see Charizard sitting against the wall. He seemed unfazed by the accusations.
"Well, Charizard," said the right hand. "Let's put this whole charade to rest. You're Red's Pokemon, so you should know everything that transpired during the mission while in his care. What exactly did you see?"
Charizard raised his neck indifferently. There was so much that had to be said, so many secrets to be told, and so many loose ends that needed to be tied. His blue eyes rolled around the room, gazing at the menagerie of curious Smashers waiting for a response. And who was he to disappoint?
He saw Ness hovering about in the sea of fighters, barely able to keep conscious. Despite this, he wore a look of hope on his exhausted form. He remembered what Charizard said after they got back to the house and had the utmost confidence in him keeping his word. How ironic that it would all come down to this.
Meanwhile, Red was aloof and unconcerned, knowing that whatever Charizard had to say would be biased and in his favor. He was his Pokemon, after all. He owed it to him to lie. But after all the lying and cheating and scheming and plotting...
Charizard felt like he didn't owe him a damn thing.
("Red did it,") he stated.
Red blanched as Master Hand asked, "Come again?"
("He did it all, every single last bit of it. He went into the Data Room and rigged communication with Subspace. He spoke to the bosses and made a deal with them for control of the house. He was the one who kidnapped Ness and brought him to Subspace. He was the one who got a Super Statue Gun from the bad guys and backstabbed Kirby in the Jungle. He tricked several of you guys into going to the Research Facility so the bosses could take you out, one by one. He lead the ambush with Ridley out in the Wilds. He faked escaping so he could lead the rest of you to the bosses' hideout. He stood back and watched you all be destroyed by them, only to fall victim himself. And he, my Trainer, famed for his skilled Pokemon handling throughout the land, did this all to win the heart of a girl who doesn't even like him.")
By the time Charizard was finished, there wasn't a single person in the room who didn't have their jaw dropped. Even Master Hand had his fingers and thumb spread apart from each other, emulating that of a gaping maw. Meanwhile, Crazy Hand just spazzed. Ness' mouth was only wide open due to yawning. He really couldn't stay awake much longer...
"T-that's not true!" stammered Red, waving his hands in defense as the others glowered at him again. "N-none of it's true! C-Charizard, why would you say something like that?! You, uh... tell the truth right now, mister!"
"So, you're the one to blame!" snapped Fox.
Peach stomped a foot. "Red, how could you?!"
("Wow, man. That's low, even for you,") said Diddy.
"Dude!" spat Pit. "Not cool!"
"You're telling me I had to bust my ass out there looking for Ness when it was your fucking fault he went missing in the first place?!" barked Wolf.
"Not to mention he was trying to sell us out the whole time!" added Ganondorf. "And I thought I was evil!"
"Yeah, seriously! If you were trying to take over the world, you should've let us in on it! We're professionals!" Master Hand apparently glared at Bowser, making him shrink back. "...I mean, not that we would've done that, but..."
"He's lying, I swear!" protested Red. "As a matter of fact, I don't think that's even the real Charizard! I bet it's those damn, uh, Shadow Bug things! Yeah! The real Charizard would never—!"
"...I think we should continue this discussion in my office," flatly said Master Hand, grabbing him by the collar of his vest.
Crazy Hand pointed at Red. "OOOOOOH, YOU IN TROUBLE NOW, BOI!"
"You got the wrong guy!" continued the Trainer, angrily wiggling about in the hand's grasp. "Kirby's the one who was sneaking around the place! I just had to go the bathroom! You're all assuming things! And you know what happens when you assume things! You make an ass outta 'u' and 'me'!"
While the fighters began talking amongst themselves over this sudden upheaval, Ness strolled up to Red, as smug and confident as the Trainer once was. Red stopped his struggle and glared daggers at him.
"So you finally got what you deserved, huh?" he teased.
"Don't test me, bro," growled Red.
"Aw, don't be like that. S'not my fault it all blew up in your face in the end. Guess you could say you got caught... " Ness dug in Red's pants pocket and pulled out the sunglasses he was wearing earlier, "red-handed."
All at once, every Smasher in the room pooled together with a collective and boisterous response Ness hadn't heard in a long time.
"OHH! OHH! OHH! WHERE YOU AT?! WHERE YOU AT?! WHERE YOU AT?! OHHHHHHHHHH!"
Ness couldn't hear Red's enraged response over the banter, but he was pretty sure expletives were said. Master Hand decided he'd had enough trashtalking for one day and vanished, taking Red with him. Crazy Hand decided the most sensible way to make an exit was to rocket outta the room through the damn ceiling. Because, why not?
The crowd thinned as Ness groggily left the Infirmary. With things back to normal, the Smash Mansion gradually came back to life before his eyes. The sun was rising outside, Smashers began idling about, and something exploded in the foyer.
Yeah, everything was back to "normal".
No sooner had Ness stepped back into the main wing of the house, he realized it was a loooong walk back to his dorm, and frankly, he doubted he could make it. Instead, he flopped down on the coziest-looking armchair in the room and got comfortable. His half-lidded eyes rolled around the room until he spotted Jigglypuff and Samus also leaving the Infirmary, still laughing at his earlier deliverance.
"Hey, Jiggs..." he muttered.
She stopped. ("Yeah?")
He hung his head back. "Put me outta my misery..."
("Sure thing.")
Samus knew what this meant, so she bid Jigglypuff a fond farewell and left. The Pokemon walked over to Ness, hopping on a nearby table.
("Awesome pwnage on Red back there, by the way. That was priceless!")
"Thanks..." It was weird to hear her use lingo like that, but it wasn't like there was any other way to describe it.
("All right, then. Sweet dreams, Ness.")
Jigglypuff inhaled and began to gently sing. Ness'd never been so happy to hear it. He didn't need help going to sleep, he needed help staying asleep. No random explosion or warning siren had the power to wake up anyone knocked out by the Balloon Pokemon's song.
It was a rest well-deserved.
Authoress' Notes: Dat Wombo Combo tho. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)