Chapter 36

"Maur," Jane put her hand on Maura's sweaty back to comfort her as she sat on the edge of the bed, her head resting in her hands. She offered her wife a glass of water because she just emptied her stomach again after eating only half a bowl of chicken soup.

Maura took the glass with shaking hands and took a sip, rinsing the taste out of her mouth before spitting it back into the bucket she vomited in. Jane took the glass back and put it on the nightstand. She brushed Maura's hair out of her face and pressed her lips against her warm forehead. "My beautiful smartypants," she whispered with a smirk, "struck down in the prime of life."

Maura smiled the smallest, most adorable smile, looking up at her wife with shimmering eyes. Jane's heart melted for the beautiful woman in front of her and she carefully wrapped her arms around her, wanting to be as close as possible to the woman she loved so much. She hated to see her wife and children sick. She was grateful she was still healthy herself but the whole situation was horrible. Anna was keeping her food down now, but her fever came back before she went to bed. Lily seemed to be getting better that morning but she was developing a pretty painful ear infection. Maura was still vomiting every few hours and the fever was wearing her out.

"God I feel awful," Maura whispered into her wife's chest.

"I know babe," Jane sighed deeply and carefully pulled her closer. "You should try to get some sleep."

Maura nodded weakly and untangled herself, careful not to move too much and upset her stomach again. Jane guided her wife down and hovered over her to press her lips against her cheek, trailing her kisses up to her forehead. "Sleep, Maur," she whispered. "You'll feel better tomorrow."

"Hm." Maura's eyes closed and Jane saw her slowly relaxing. "Could you check on the girls?" she asked softly.

"I was just about to." Jane kissed her wife again and stood up from the bed to check on her oldest daughter. Anna had a fever before she went to bed that night and Jane knew she wouldn't be sleeping well. She carefully opened the bedroom door and saw Anna opening her eyes in the dark. She sighed. "You're not sleeping?"

Anna sighed and shook her head. "I had a bad dream."

Jane hummed and walked around the bed, lifting the blankets to slide in behind her daughter. She turned Anna on her back and gently rubbed her stomach. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

Anna nodded and turned on her side to snuggle into her mother's chest. Jane pressed her lips against the girl's forehead, feeling her feverish warmth. "How are you feeling?"

"The same. Tired, mostly."

"Anything I can do?"

The young teenager shook her head and moved closer against her mother. Jane knew what she could do. Stay. She pulled Anna close and waited until the girl drifted off to sleep. When she was absolutely sure she was down for the night, she carefully untangled herself and headed towards Lily's room to go check on her.

She opened the next bedroom door and walked towards the bed, furrowing her brow when she saw Lily tossing and turning in bed. Her dark curls were sticking to her sweaty forehead and her entire face was distorted in pain. Jane put her hand on the girl's forehead and gasped. "God." Lily was burning hot. Too hot. She practically ran back towards her bedroom and opened the bathroom door to find the thermometer they used that night.

"Jane?"

"Where's that thermometer?"

"Here, on my nightstand. What's wrong, Jane?"

Jane swallowed and hurried to the nightstand Maura mentioned. "Lily's burning up."

Maura, immediately alarmed, threw the blankets away and sat up too quickly.

"Shh, stay…"

Maura shook her head. "I'm coming."

Jane didn't want to argue. Back in Lily's bedroom, Maura didn't even need a thermometer. She felt Lily's forehead and shook her head. "She needs a doctor."

"You're a doctor."

"No. Her fever is too high." Maura sat on Lily's bed and shook her shoulder. "Lily, honey. Wake up."

Lily's eyes shot open and she gasped, out of breath and gasping in pain. "Mama!"

"I'm here." Jane carefully lifted Lily in her arms, feeling heat radiating from her small, skinny body.

"Honey, where do you have pain?"

Lily started crying softly as she hid herself against her mother. "My head and my ears, still. And my neck. My neck hurts so bad, Mommy."

"God." Tears sprung to Maura's eyes and she turned to grab a robe for her little girl. "We need to get her to the hospital. Her fever is way too high."

"What? Maur?"

Maura shook her head and closed her eyes to fight the wave of nausea that washed over her.

"Be careful, babe…"

"We need to go. Now."

Jane felt her heart racing like it hadn't raced before. When her wife reacted like this, something was wrong. Something was very wrong. She had no other choice than to take her sick family with her and drive to the hospital, breaking all the speed limits she could possibly break. Lily was crying in pain the entire ride and all the worst case scenarios were running through Jane's mind.

Anna was standing weak on her legs and Maura wasn't doing much better. Jane was keeping the entire family up and she regretted not calling her mother. It was 4AM and she didn't want to wake her but now that she was holding Anna up and watching Maura pale face, she wished she had.

It all took too long and Jane didn't understand what was happening. She hated this. Maura kept talking Google and mumbling medical terms and Jane felt left out. She wanted to know what was wrong with her little girl that was being examined right now.

In the meantime, she kept beating herself up. Why did she take so long to check on Lily? Did she take too long? If only she checked on Lily before she went to Anna. If only she left Anna sooner. If only she did her job right.

Excruciating thoughts raced through her mind while she sat on a small couch in the waiting room, Anna sitting against her side, fighting sleep as Maura sat on the other side fighting the urge to vomit again. It took too long.

"Mrs. Rizzoli?"

"Yeah?"

"Dr. Isles." A friendly middle-aged man nodded his head at Maura. "You were right."

"Oh god."

"What?"

"Lillian has pneumococcal meningitis."

"Meningitis?" Jane furrowed her brow and felt her heart dropping to her stomach. That was bad. Very bad.

The doctor nodded. "Don't worry too much. We got it in time. She's on strong antibiotics."

"Can we see her?" Maura asked, nervously brushing her hand through her hair.

"Well…" He sighed and smiled apologetically. "I couldn't help but notice that both you and your daughter aren't in the best state… An infection could make things worse."

"I feel fine," Jane said, lifting her hands. "Can I see her?"

The doctor sighed. He didn't want to let her go, not wanting to risk any infection, but he knew he couldn't leave Lily without her parents. "You can."

Jane nodded and turned to quickly kiss her wife's cheek and Anna's still warm forehead. Maura had tears in her eyes and she stopped Jane before she could walk away, gently grabbing her arm. "Give her a kiss from me."

"I will." She kissed her again and followed the doctor into Lily's room, watching her little girl trying to sit up and reaching out her arms towards her mother. "Shh, calm, baby," Jane said softly, tears burning in her eyes. Lily's dark curls were still sticking to her face, her skin looked awfully pale and the bags under her eyes made her look drained. She was shaking and crying, her dark eyes pleading.

Jane didn't care what that doctor thought. She lowered the small rail on the side of the bed and gathered her little girl in her arms, pulling her as close as humanly possible. "I'm here, baby. Mama's here."

"What's wrong with me, Mama?" Lily asked weakly.

"You got an infection in your brain." Jane untangled one arm and carefully traced the IV on top of Lily's small hand. "This thing is pumping medicine into your body to fight it."

"It's a stupid thing." Lily furrowed her brow as tears spilled on her cheeks. She fumbled with the IV but Jane stopped her by gently grabbing her hand.

"It's making you better, baby."

"It hurt."

"Still?"

"No. When the stupid nurse put it in."

Jane sighed and pulled Lily's head to her chest, hating to see her eight-year-old so defeated. She turned her head to see the doctor still standing in the room, looking at a file in his hands. "What are the long terms effects of this?"

He looked up and smiled slightly. "It's too soon to tell. We'll keep an eye on her throughout the night."

Jane nodded. "Okay."

"Make sure she drinks enough fluids."

"I will." Jane sighed and watched the doctor leave before focusing back on her aching daughter.

"Where's Mommy?" Lily asked, silent tears still trickling down her pale cheeks.

"She had to wait outside, baby. So she doesn't make you sicker than you already are." She kissed her daughter's forehead. "This is a kiss from her."

Lily tried to smile she didn't have the energy to reply. Her eyes slipped closed and it only took a short minute before she fell into a deep, restless sleep.

Life was slipping through Jane's fingers and she hated it. She wanted to be in control. She needed to protect her family and take care of her children. She failed. She failed horribly. Lily got meningitis and they didn't even know the consequences of it yet. Her wife and oldest daughter had the flu and were in the hallway, too far away from her. Too far away to keep in her arms. She hated this. She hated it with all she had. She wanted to turn back time. She wanted to change everything. She just wanted her girls to be happy and healthy and she wanted her family to be together.

Tears started falling down her cheeks at the horrible, helpless and empty feeling that filled her. Her girls were her everything. And for the first time in a long time, she prayed. She prayed to a God she didn't know if she believed in. She prayed for the antibiotics to kick in and fight the infection that was causing her little girl so much pain. She prayed for Maura and Anna to get better. And if they couldn't get better, she prayed for them to find peace. She prayed for Lily to stop aching. She prayed for Anna's fever to drop and for Maura's stomach to calm down. She prayed for all of it and when she stopped, the pillow beneath her head was soaked with tears.

She took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes again. She prayed for herself. For the first time in her life. She prayed for the aching feeling in her chest to go away. She prayed for the feelings of crippling guilt to fade, she asked for strength. She asked for the love she needed to give and the power to keep standing. God knows she needed it.

A/N I'm not a doctor and other than what Google told me, I don't know much about this disease so please be kind if I missed any details. What will happen to Lily? Will she be okay? Let me know what you think!