A/N: Well, I'm having an annoying little day and I'm cranky. "Why should I care?" you ask... you shouldn't, but you are getting this chapter today because I feel like it and hope it might cheer anyone else who is having an annoying day up.
Chapter 36 - Taking Precautions
Darcy's POV
Clint, Natasha and I were sprawled on the two couches by the TV, passing popcorn around, and watching the drama unfold in front of us over by the kitchen. In our defense, we'd been planning to watch a movie and already had the popcorn made when they'd wandered downstairs and it had started. We just hadn't left to give them privacy because, I mean, public place and we'd gotten there first anyway.
The elevator chimed discreetly and Bucky stepped out, taking in everything that was happening before he exited, as was his habit. He quickly walked over to the couch I had all to myself, picked me up, and slid himself under me before settling me back on top of him. I propped my chin up on him, enjoying the more comfortable position, and idly passed him the popcorn.
"What's going on?" he whispered.
"It's like roadkill, you can't not look." Clint whispered back.
"Your boy is an idiot, Barnes," Natasha added.
Bucky looked down at me and raised his eyebrows, clearly looking for more information. Sighing because of the distraction I quickly said, "You know how Steph started showing and the media has picked it up and started running with it."
It was true. While we all felt like managing to not show even the slightest bit until 16 weeks with super-twins was quite the accomplishment, the media didn't have that information and was not being at all kind in their speculation. Pepper and I had argued that things would be easier if they just went out and made the announcement instead of refusing to comment either way. Then again, I know Steph was still nervous about the pregnancy, so I could understand their hesitation. In a moment of serious conversation just the week before, she had confided in me that she was afraid it would "go away" if they did make the public announcement. Meanwhile, Cap was Pissed Off, with a capital P and a capital O, about some of the things that were being said about Steph.
Bucky frowned giving his opinion on the matter nonverbally before saying, "yeah."
"And you know how it is driving Cap nuts."
He snorted at the understatement there, "yeah."
"And you know how it doesn't bother Steph? And not in a 'she pretends it doesn't bother her because she knows it shouldn't but really it does anyway' kind of way but she just legit doesn't give a fuck because she's so happy to be pregnant."
That brought a smile out of Bucky because he was a sucker for the two of them as well, and he said, "yep."
"Well, Steve apparently decided it really did bother her, and they needed a weekend away from it all and well, like Natasha said, he's an idiot."
In that moment, Steph cried out, "HAVE YOU LOOKED AT ME LATELY?!"
Steve looked her over from head to toe before saying, "you look beautiful."
Natasha and I winced, and of course my boyfriend who could sometimes be just as dense as Steve about modern women asked, "what?"
"Never look, man. It's always a trap, if they're asking about their appearance, they look beautiful without even an instant of hesitation," Clint explained in a whisper.
Steve turned to us in exasperation and said, "we can hear you, you know that right?"
"Don't let us stop you," I gestured to them with a smile, "Bucky's all caught up now. We'll keep it down."
Steve sighed then turned back to Steph who said, "Clint's right, by the way, so you're lucky I already know you don't find my pregnant body repulsive and that, as Darcy pointed out, I don't care. But that's not the point! I don't want to go camping!"
Bucky started laughing at that, having missed the start of the argument, and Clint, Natasha, and I tried valiantly not to join him. Really, we did. Still, we couldn't help it and all collapsed into laughter at Steve's expense. Steve and Steph both gave up any pretense that their discussion was private and walked over.
"Punk, you really are such an idiot," Bucky gasped out.
"I figured if we're out in the middle of nowhere, then there's no media, nothing to intrude. We can just relax and enjoy ourselves," Steve defended.
"Steve, she's uncomfortable like all the time. You know this; you can tell just by the way she moves even when she doesn't complain about. You've told me this, and you're always giving her massages to help out with wherever she's the most sore each day."
Steve rubbed his neck as she said, "yeah, so?"
"So?! Camping is uncomfortable!" Natasha cried out. "You want her to sleep on the ground?"
"Not to mention she's all off-balance and stuff these days," I added, "and peeing outside is hard enough when you're a girl and you don't have to deal with that."
Natasha reached out as far as she could, and I did the same with Bucky anchoring me so I could get my fistbump. Fistbumps from one of the spies were always things to be celebrated and definitely not missed.
Steve sat down and put his head in his hands, "you're right. I'm sorry, Steph. I didn't think about the logistics of it, I just wanted us to get a break."
Natasha and Clint shared a look, but before Natasha could open her mouth and say whatever it was they'd decided on, Bucky spoke up, "I got you covered, Punk. You need a quiet place to stay for a few days, and I have somewhere you can go. I'll take you both there whenever you want. Leave all your electronics here. There's a TV with a DVD player, but no phone, cable or Internet, so raid Darcy's stash of DVDs and stock up. If there's a call out that you're needed for, I'll bring the team to come get you, otherwise I'm the only one who knows where you are."
Steve inclined his head in gratitude, and Steph perked up quite a bit. "And there's a bed and indoor plumbing, right?"
Bucky laughed and said, "yes, Steph. I'll even make sure it has food in it for two super soldiers, one of whom is eating for two baby super soldiers."
"I'm not a super soldier; I was never a soldier. I'm just a super individual," Steph said seriously.
Steve finally chuckled at that, and I said, "while we're on the touchy subject. Would you both please think about allowing Pepper and I to draft a statement announcing the pregnancy. We can release it when you're on your way out of town, and the fervor should die down before you get back, provided you're gone for a couple days."
The couple exchanged a look, and Steph blew out a breath, inclining her head in agreement. Steve's face lit up, and I could tell he was eager to be able to publicly play the Proud Papa. I took out my phone and typed out a message to Pepper before we all settled in to watch the movie.
Later that night, I settled in to sleep with Bucky's human arm wrapped around me, and I whispered, "that's really nice what you're doing for them."
"Hmmm?"
"For Steph and Steve. Taking them to one of your little hidey-holes for a getaway. That's really nice of you."
"Keep a secret?"
"Of course I will."
"I'm not just taking them for a visit. I'm giving it to them."
"What?"
"I don't know how Steve partnered with Natasha for so long and didn't learn really any of her most important spy survival skills, but we figured out when we all moved in that he didn't have any bolt holes. I kept meaning to talk to him about it, but I hadn't gotten around to it yet. So I found them a place. Although I still think it would be best if they got some that no one else knows about. Maybe each at least one the other doesn't know about."
"Why would they need that? They can trust the team, and especially you."
"How much do you know about what happened with Clint and Loki?"
"Oh." I trailed off because I'd been able to piece pretty much everything together, and yeah, that was an absolutely horrible and yet completely valid concern.
Actually, now that I thought about it, I had virtually no living expenses, but Pepper had included an outrageous signing bonus in my contract that had just been sitting and earning interest. And if I chose my location well, housing was like dirt cheap. Of course, I had absolutely no clue how one would even go about setting up a situation like that. I felt Bucky sigh under me before he said, "I have some really bad people after me, Darce. You know that. We've talked about how dangerous that is for you, and if I'm the one they grab, you definitely need to run. Can you get your hands on the cash for it?"
"Yes."
With that I was treated to a very, very long lecture about how to create enough confusion in my accounts to make the money I took relatively untraceable. Or at least difficult to trace if I spread it out properly. Then I was taught all about different types of properties and how to create anonymous shell corporations under which to buy them.
When I woke up the next morning, Bucky was gone, apparently off to take Steph and Steve to their hideaway, and Natasha was sitting in a chair watching me sleep.
Slapping a hand over my heart I gasped out, "don't do that!"
"I should not have been able to sneak up on you like that."
"I was asleep! In the most secure building in the world, that even has the dopest AI known to man. JARVIS would have alerted me to an intruder who wanted to do more than see if she could get me to have a heart attack first thing in the morning."
"I would, Darcy," JARVIS intoned. But before I could celebrate the victory of my logic, he continued, "as long as I was able to. However, if the Tower had been infiltrated and I was somehow taken offline, I would be unable to do so."
"But how likely is that to happen?"
"Not very," JARVIS conceded. "However how often do you see the unlikely happen- especially in your work with the doctors."
Okay he totally had me there, so I turned back to Natasha. "Fine. Now I assume you wanted more than just to lecture me?"
"Barnes is worried that you, like Steph and Steve, have not taken appropriate precautions considering your involvement in a global espionage organization. Of course, that is not your fault. It is our fault for not training you appropriately. Now Bucky tells me you have some money stashed away that you are willing to put towards this, which is good. You need more than one bolt hole though. We are going to work together to use your money to make the first. Then you are going to take this," at which point she indicated to a bag I hadn't seen at her feet, "and create as many as you can and want to with it, including identities. No one, not even me, is to know about those."
"Nat, I can't take your money."
"Who said it was mine? Let's just say that when SHIELD fell, I won the race to several stockpiles. There is plenty where it came from, so don't you worry about that."
"Darcy," JARVIS interrupted, and once again I wanted to hug Steph for getting him to call me that, "Pepper would like to come in."
"Sure, J-Man!"
Without a word, Pepper walked in with a large duffle bag. She gave me her Don't-Fuck-With-Me-Just-Do-What-I-Say face, which was usually reserved for Tony, dropped the bag on the floor next to the bed I was still on, and walked back out.
When I turned to Natasha to complain, she had the same freaking look on her face. I think that was the first time I really felt sorry for Tony and the time he'd spent under the thumbs of both Natasha and Pepper when Natasha was undercover at SI. So I just shut my mouth and relaxed a little when Natasha gave me an approving nod. She threw clothes on the bed and walked out, so I figured that meant we would be doing this right that moment, so I got dressed quickly. I took a moment to look in both bags and holy shitballs, that was a LOT of money in a LOT of currencies in Tasha's bag, and a fuck load of money in Pepper's bag. Without a word, I picked both bags up, and took them to my rooms.
This time when I walked back out and found Natasha lounging against the wall directly across the door from me, I wasn't at all surprised. She turned on her heel and walked to the elevator, so I sighed and followed, desperately hoping that breakfast was somewhere on her agenda.
Steph's POV
When Bucky told us that he was giving us his hideout as a baby-present, I'd been speechless. While I'd expected Steve to try to refuse, I understood when he accepted the bond between the two men a little more. Even though he had gotten better about it, I knew Steve was still freaked out about the safety of the children and I. Bucky knew it too, and he was providing Steve a little piece of mind. We spent most of our time there relaxing, but some of the time we spent pulling together supplies for the twins in case we did have to come back on the run at some point.
My surprise grew, however, when Bucky picked us up and dropped us off at a seemingly random coffee shop three hours away in, I wasn't even sure what state because we'd taken the Quinjet after a two hour car ride to get to it. He just shoved us through the door then turned around and walked away, quickly disappearing into the crowd. Sitting at a table waiting for us with a coffee for Steve and a tea for me was Clint.
"Tasha's busy doing this with Darcy at a more beginner level than I think either of you two need, but know this is from the two of us." I was always surprised by Clint's ability to slip between his playful personality and a scary as all hell professional at the flip of a switch, and he was all professional that day. He took us to another secret house and left us there for two days to make the place our own. The pattern continued with Clint delivering us to Bruce, and Bruce delivering us to Tony of all people. Tony was frighteningly no-nonsense the whole time as well.
When Tony had finished with us, I was surprised when he dropped me off alone and took an unhappy looking Steve with him reassuring him that I'd be fine even though we'd turned off our JARVIS trackers before leaving the Tower the first day. I walked into what was actually a tea shop this time to find Maria Hill sitting there. This time there was no pretending, I was surprised. Sure, we lived in the same building, and she was dating Sam, who I was close with, but after I'd stopped training with her, Hill had become probably the person in the Avengers family I was least close with. Though, I still thought of her as family, so I really shouldn't have been surprised.
I sat down with a smile, accepting the tea she'd poured for me. She finally spoke, "you need a place Cap doesn't know about. In case he's taken."
"Hill, Maria, you know he'd never."
"If he could help it, he wouldn't. But his free will was taken away from him, and he gave up your location, and something happened to you and the kids, he'd never forgive himself. Don't put that on him. You're going to take this place from me, and you are going to keep it from everyone else, including Steve. And when we're done you are going to take the cash that I've left there. No, don't you make that face, some of it is from me, but the others chipped in as well. And so did some anonymous but COMPLETELY trustworthy sources."
"Steve and I have have money, we can afford to do this for ourselves," I tried to protest, but Maria just continued as if I hadn't spoken.
"So you are going to take that money, and you are going to go. You will use everything we have taught you about altering your appearance to make sure you aren't recognized. You have four weeks during which time you will create as many aliases and as many safe places as you can, while taking care of those babies. When you get back, you will tell no one where you have been. No souvenirs. No postcards. No references to anything you may have seen, no matter how mundane it seems. And you will get checked up by the doc because everyone is going to be concerned despite Banner's insistence that it is perfectly fine for you to travel by any and all means of transportation and that your pregnancy is completely healthy. Then you will go about your day to day life as though nothing happened and you'd been in the Tower all along. With the money, there is a panic button. You will carry this on your person the entire time that you are gone, and you will push it if you need to. If that happens, even if you've already set up a secure location wherever you are, that location is burned and dead to you. JARVIS is turned off, however, if he needs to reach you, he can turn your communicator back on and will contact you. Wherever you are when that happens, that location would also be burned. You will be back in the tower by noon on July 4th or so help me God. Because Cap is not going to like the fact that you're out there alone for this long, and he's going to hate us for sending you off like this. And if you don't get back on time, he is going to burn down the entire world trying to find you. The rest of us will also be seriously pissed off once we get you back because he will never trust us again. Do you understand? Noon, July 4th, and not one day sooner unless something goes wrong."
I thought about everything she'd said for several minutes. I didn't like the idea of being on my own right now. I felt vulnerable, but I knew I could take care of myself if I needed to and that everyone was right, this was necessary. And now was the time to do it, not once I really couldn't move well enough to defend myself if necessary, and not when I'd have to leave the babies. Finally I nodded slowly, and said, "We'll start routing some money around and stashing it for the kids every month. When they're old enough…"
Maria gave me such a sad, resigned look but she nodded her head, "I'll talk to the others. We'll find a way to make it a game, but yes, we'll make sure they have places to go that you don't know about."
My eyes welled up with tears, but I nodded my head and said, "thanks."
We finished the pot of tea in front of us before slowly making our way to a quaint, three bedroom house in the countryside. We sat in the driveway with the car running, and Maria told me the name of the town we were in and the street we were on. Reaching over the console, I pulled her into a hug.
"Seriously, take care of yourself and the twins, Steph," she whispered.
"I will. And tell everyone thank you. And someone please, make sure that Ranger and my Dad know I'm okay? I'll see you at noon, July 4th, at the Tower."