It was finally Calculus.

Despite having numerous classes with Jared, before lunch, I was unable to talk to him in them without raising suspicions. Then at lunch I sat with Lily, Leah and Nina. Of course, that meant I couldn't talk to him then either.

Calculus was my first chance to sit anywhere near Jared and potentially be able to talk to him.

Kyle didn't want to sit with me and seeing how Jared and Paul were now back in their usual seats, I had to go back to my old one. Kyle moved to sit next to Lucas, who smirked at me from his spot on the other side of the room.

I knew that Lucas had said something to Kim, a lie, and turned her against me. It was strange because I didn't care what he'd said, I just wanted Kim to know the truth. What was stranger was that I don't think I could forgive her. She wasn't honest with me and she turned her back on me without even offering me a chance to defend myself. I just wanted her to know that she was wrong, so she better understood the consequences of her snap judgement.

"So, we've been paired together for our biology assignment. She's going to come around this afternoon so we can start work on it. But I expect it will likely take every afternoon for the next month to finish." Paul explained and I smiled down at the fresh blank page of my book.

"Awesome." Jared sighed.

I could feel him staring at me and it made me blush, I hated not being able to touch him because it was turning me into someone I wasn't. Someone desperate for the affections of another. It was annoying.

"You'll have to present it on your own though." I muttered as I looked up at Paul, "So are you sure you want to go with Pheromones?"

Jared's happy face became stern as he thought about what I'd just said, "It's likely we won't be here then and where will you be?"

I could have sworn I'd mentioned it to him. Obviously not, "Australia."

His eyes widened and his voice sounded panicked, "I thought you were here for a year. You can't go back so soon. Why are you going back?"

"Settle pet." I smiled at him, "It's my great grandmother's 95th birthday and since she's adamant that she won't make it to her 96th I have to go home for it. I'll only be gone for a week."

"When's her birthday?" Jared pried as he swivelled his seat around to face me.

I shook my head, finding his desperation a little humorous and feeling like a bitch for it, "Sunday, March 12th."

Jared nodded his head for a few moments until something dawned on him, "Your birthday is March 12th."

I shared my birthday with my great grandmother; I was 'the best 78th birthday present any woman ever got'. I'd never believed that myself but my great grandmother loved celebrating our birthdays together. She liked seeing me enjoy the day because it made her feel like she was sharing something with me, giving me a gift that no one else could give me. And my smile on our birthday was the best present I could ever give her.

Lame and corny, I know, but it made my GG happy so I was good with lame and corny.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

Paul and Jared looked at each other for a moment. They both wore grim expressions that made me think something serious was happening on or around the 12th of March and I wanted to know what it was. I hated the thought that they were keeping something from me.

"What is it?"

Jared sighed, "We had been thinking of having a party for you. A celebration at Emily's where we could pretend that you weren't worried about the rest of La Push finding out."

I could tell from the look on his face that it pained him to think that we weren't spending much time together because of what others might think, or say. I didn't want it to be like that, I just didn't know how to not worry about causing others pain. And by others I mean Leah.

My friends always told me that I cared too much about other people. My parents told me that I put others before myself too often, and that sometimes it should be the responsibilities of others to think about what me before themselves. But that was part of who I am. So much a part that it killed me not to think about how what I was doing affected people around me.

I felt especially strongly about this situation because I really liked Leah. And she'd already been hurt by imprinting. I couldn't bear to hurt her again, not like this. She was strong but there was only so much that one person could handle at any one time.

"Thank-you. It was a sweet idea, but it's my great grandmother's 95th. She has a legitimate reason to believe it may be her last. I can't miss it."

Jared smiled at me, "I understand." He checked around the room to be sure no one was watching them, "Do you think, maybe, I could go with you?"

Paul looked shocked by this thought and he turned to Jared, "You really should talk to Sam first. And wouldn't it be a little suspicious to, well, everyone, if you go wondering off to Australia on the same day as Sof?"

Jared ignored him and just stared at me, his eyes begging me to say yes. I wasn't sure what to say though. The idea of spending a week with Jared was more than tempting and I wanted to say yes the second he suggested it. But then I thought of my family, the whole reason for going back.

I was sure that my GG would love to see him and, as she reminded us every time we called to talk to her about anything, she may never get another chance. My dad probably wouldn't feel the same way, neither would my mum. They were believers that people shouldn't be in a serious relationship until they were in their mid-twenties, and meeting the parents when you have to travel to another continent to do so, suggests a serious relationship to me.

My friends would love it. Jade would have some eye candy to ogle at, and I'm sure that Becky would join in too once she saw Jared. Corey might not be as overtly happy about it as the others but he'd like Jared once he gave him a chance.

I couldn't help but think of my father's reaction. He'd flip out if I brought an American home. It wasn't the American bit so much as the 'I'm seventeen' bit. He'd told all of my sisters that he wanted to meet their dates before the first date but after that he didn't want to see them again. Unless they hurt one of 'his princesses', in which case he would hunt them down and castrate them using unsterilized tools he normally used on the cattle.

Dad would likely make an exception to his usual rules and try to castrate Jared on sight. I wondered if the usual tools would work on a werewolf but cringed at the thought of actually finding out. I was pretty sure I didn't want Dad finding out about werewolves and I was pretty sure that Jared's junk was fine as is.

No. I couldn't take Jared back to my father. Not after only being 'together' for however long it might be at that point.

"I have to agree with Paul. I want to spend more time with you but I'm going home to see family. It'll just be one week, you'll survive without me."

Paul frowned and turned towards me, "You didn't see him those few days after... well, you know."

"It'll be different because you'll know I'm coming back." I finally remembered what it was I wanted to talk to him about earlier, "What did you mean when you said hopefully Quil won't phase? Don't you like him?"

Jared looked at Paul and laughed, "Talk about changing topics."

Paul sighed, "It's not that I don't like Quil. I don't really know the guy well enough to make any judgements about him but... this isn't something that we want for anyone else. This is... it's more of a curse than a blessing."

I could kind of understand what he was saying but the majority of me was astounded that they could look at it that way, "A curse? You think what you have is a curse?"

"Yeah." Paul sighed again. Jared just looked at me like I couldn't possibly understand, which I guess was true. Paul looked up at me, "We were normal teenagers, living normal lives before this. Now we have this responsibility that we never asked for, that we never wanted. We have lost friends because of this. We have to lie to our families. This whole thing sucks."

I didn't get a chance to say anything else because Ms Foster walked in at that moment and growled at the class to get out their textbooks. It appeared that someone was not having a good day. Paul got sent out of class for asking Jared, a little too loudly, about one of the questions. He'd almost flipped his lid at that but managed to just contain himself.

After class I went straight to Emily's with Paul and Jared. Leah heard about the Biology project at lunch and recommended that I get it over and done with. She suggested that Paul should come to the Clearwaters to work on it but Paul said he was more than happy to look like the bad guy that forced me to go to Emily's.

Needless to say I didn't even open my bag once I got to Emily's. Instead, Jared and I dumped our bags by the front door and then walked straight out the backdoor. We sat on the back step together and just talked, like we did most afternoons. It had become such a habit that Emily now set out drinks and snacks for us on the table by the backdoor.

"You have to be able to see the curse in this. Take this imprinting business. Do you think that it's a good thing that we're like this?" Jared asked, his tone gentle although I knew he was annoyed that I refused to call being a werewolf a curse.

He made a good case but I was sure that if they stopped thinking of it as a curse than it wouldn't be a curse to them anymore. He just had to give accepting it a chance.

"Tell me, can you change this? Can you stop yourself from being what you are; I mean stop it this very second? Can you go back to how things were before you first phased?" I enquired, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.

Jared took a deep breath and sighed, "No."

"Then you need to stop thinking of it as a curse. As long as that is how you think of it then that is how you'll feel. You are not cursed, Jared." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

He grabbed my hand, something that I usually protested but I didn't this time. He held it to his face and leant forward slightly to brush his lips against my knuckles. This was one of the things he was doing to try to get me to call an end to the friends thing, but I was going to remain stubborn for just a little bit longer.

"How do you think you'd handle it?" He asked and then pressed the back of my hand to his mouth.

His breath felt amazing against my skin and I was happy to let him hold my hand there for as long as he wanted.

I took my time answering him because I didn't want to sound like I thought this was a trivial thing. I'd thought about it a lot since I found out it was real. It had been subject number one on my mind from the moment I saw Jared phase. And I envied him.

I sighed, "I wish I could do it. I wish I could run with you, in my own wolf-form. I've never felt comfortable in this skin, never felt like I belonged. My relationships with my pets are far stronger than my relationships with my friends and, at times, even my family. Out there," I pointed to the forest, "I have dreamt of living out there for years. I wish I had that option available to me. Do you realise how many doors have opened up for you?"

"Do you realise how many doors have closed to me?" Jared retorted, his voice soft and slightly muffled as his lips were still pressed to the back of my hand.

"Temporarily. Those doors have temporarily closed. When you stop phasing and you become essentially human again, those doors will re-open. The doors I was talking about, they will never be open to me. Maybe I could experience them vicariously through you but they will never be open to me. Try to enjoy the freedom. The liberation. People would die for what you have."

Jared dropped my hand from his mouth at that. He turned to look at me and when that wasn't enough he moved to crouch in front of me. His hands on the edge of the step I was sitting on, on either side of my thick thighs.

His eyes were hard as he stared at me, their usual friendly shine replaced by something fierce and protective. It was like he had spotted a threat and was now sizing it up. His eyes craved some sort of sign that the threat was empty.

"Would you?" he asked, his voice wavering as he stuttered the two simple words, "Would you die to be a monster?"

I cocked my head slightly at him. He was inferring something that I didn't like the sound of, something that I didn't even know what it was but I was certain he was inferring it.

"Not a monster. I'd die to be like you."

Jared shook his head, "Please, take that back. You're perfect as you are. I don't want you to ever change. And I never, ever want you to die. Not for this."

I reached out to cup Jared's cheek and get his attention back to me. His eyes snapped to mine and I watched him for a few moments. I couldn't lie to him, I couldn't tell him that I hadn't dreamt of being exactly what he was. But I didn't want him thinking that I would do something stupid in order to get it.

"I can't take it back, but I promise you..." I broke my friends rule and kissed him; the softest, quickest peck on the lips, "I'm not dying any time soon."

Jared smiled at me. His eyes softened and became ever so slightly darker. One hand snaked around behind my neck and he launched himself at me. I should have expected this, but I didn't. I should have stuck to my 'just friends' thing and pushed him away, but I didn't. Jared's kisses were just too hard for me to resist.