90. why can't i?
Title: To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Word Count: 367
Rating: PG (one f-word)

Rukia watched her reflection in the mirror, watched as it frowned and the line appeared between her brows and her eyes tilted at an unhappy slant.

Why?

Six weeks. She'd been trapped in the human world for six weeks. Six weeks of having a physical body that was slow and ungainly. Six weeks of having to rely on another to do her job. Six weeks of living in someone's closet and borrowing (stealing) said someone's little sisters clothes.

Six weeks since the safe voice in her dreams left.

Why can't I hear you?

She wasn't getting her powers back. Six fucking weeks and she wasn't an inch stronger than she had been that night. If anything, she'd say she was getting weaker, but she blamed the human emotions she couldn't quite quell.

Why can't I do this alone?

Without Shirayuki's calm voice to regulate her dream, the memories of her sleep were becoming more and more violent and dark.

Six weeks of nightmares and she was seriously considering never sleeping again.

Why can't I deal with this?

The nightmares had been there for months after Kaien-dono was killed, getting so bad that she had stopped sleeping for a while. In those times, she would sneak out of her room when her brother and the rest of the house thought she was finally asleep and practice with her Zanpaktou until she fell asleep in the dojo – and woke up screaming hours later.

It was why she went. The dojo wasn't directly part of the house, so no one could hear her.

Why?

Then one night, she fell asleep and instead of the blood and the hollow she dreamed of white snow.

But now the voice and snow was gone and she was, once again, sleepless.

She was not sure where Shirayuki had gone, but she had heard her new roommate stir a few times in the night, like no nightmares was something new. So while she desperately wanted her sword back and to be able to sleep again, a small part of her hoped Shirayuki had gone to Ichigo as she suspected, and he dreamed of snow instead of rain.

At least one of them should be sleeping.