So I got tired of my old chapter names (A _ Day in _) and decided it was time to do something new. From here on out, I'm doing single word chapter titles that start with letters going alphabetically. I'll include definitions that may hint into the chapter's contents. I will also be changing the titles of all the other chapters, which is why we're on letter J.

…

Joined

(past tense verb)

connected or brought together

EX: "The couple was joined by their unending love for each other."

…

Wednesday

…

I shuffled through classes. I did my best to pay attention, but somehow Pre-Calculus and Creative Writing seemed even less important than usual. I had bigger problems that were worth more than a grade.

Freddie had begun talking rapidly about his acceptance into MIT. I had honestly forgotten about the fact that it was senior year. I had absolutely zero plans for the future. I mean, what college would accept me? I barely made it through high school. Not that I wanted to take four more years of anything.

Freddie had also decided to defer college a year, much to everyone's surprise. He said it was because he still wasn't sure of a major, but I knew it was a lie.

Freddie was staying for me.

I knew it and so did he, but he stubbornly stuck to his story. He also mentioned that he could help me choose a career path, which was proof enough that Freddie was putting off his future to help me choose a direction for mine.

I hated that.

I hated that he would do that for me, especially when I wasn't being 100 percent honest with him about my situation. I hated that I couldn't change his mind. I hated that he would be there when my stomach swelled like a balloon, and when the due date came. I hated that I couldn't hide this from him.

I hated those eyes that melted me. Those damn brown eyes that made me feel safe when my brain told me I wasn't.

I hated the fact that I couldn't hate him. I loved him. I loved him too much to let him go.

But the fact that I was tying him down like this showed how meaningless that love was. I still didn't love him enough to let him go.

…

Detention was uncomfortable. More so than usual.

See, there had always been at least four people in detention: Me, Freddie, Max, and Ripoff Rodney.

On Wednesday, Ripoff Rodney wasn't in detention. He hadn't been in school all day, so he was either ditching everything or he was legitimately sick.

The consequence was being stuck in a room with the two people I least wanted to be around.

Freddie, who I loved and had to let go of.

Max, who had put life into me and ruined everything.

And neither of them knew.

Freddie brought the PearPad and we played Fruit Ninja like usual, but I could feel Max's gaze on me the whole time. It was maddening, and I left for the bathrooms after Mr. Howard's usual mid-way check.

Inside, I splashed some water on my face. I looked dead. That wasn't surprising, since the last night of decent sleep I had was nearly two weeks ago.

I pulled my shirt up and turned sideways. There was a small bump there. I'd noticed its slow progression a while back and had resorted to wearing somewhat baggy shirts. That morning, I'd noticed a slight tightness in the waist of my pants. I was gonna start needing new clothes.

I turned the sink back on and took a drink of the tap. I found that water kept the nausea away for much of the day. The morning sickness had receded mostly to really early morning, but it was still vicious.

I walked out of the bathroom feeling somewhat refreshed, but then I ran into Max.

He put his hands out to stop me from falling on my face, but I panicked, thinking about my bump, and shoved him away. I ended up on my ass, feeling a little stupid.

Max frowned down at me and offered a hand tentatively.

"You okay?"

I hesitated, but took his hand and let him help me up.

"I'm fine."

"Listen, Sam… we haven't talked since the hallway incident. And I realize that I might be making you uncomfortable, but I really think…"

I waited for him to finish his sentence, but it didn't happen. Max's green eyes were filled with nerves, and he was shifting back and forth.

"You think what, Max? Seriously, I don't have all day."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper.

I had a very bad feeling about this.

Meekly, he handed it to me.

"You dropped this yesterday."

Fuck.

It was my picture. The one from the ultrasound. My name was on it, and I knew Max would recognize the little bubble as… the B word. His mom was a secretary at a gynecologist's office and his dad delivered them for a living.

"I can explain…"

But we both knew I couldn't. The proof was right there in black and white. There was nothing to say.

"You should've told me."

Max looked conflicted. He seemed a little hurt, but mostly frustrated and even mad.

I hated him. I hated the situation he put me in. I hated all of this.

One time. One fucking time, and I got knocked up. I wondered if that was some sort of cosmic joke. Like, 'Ha ha, screw you! I bet you won't cheat on your boyfriend NOW will you?'

"Why? Why should I have told you Max? Because I don't think this has anything to do with you."

He gaped at me.

"This has EVERYTHING to do with me, Sam. Don't pretend like this is something you can brush under the carpet when we both know something has to be done."

"Like WHAT? What decision do you think I need your help with?"

"What are we supposed to do with it? I don't think we're fit parents."

That really got me.

"Really? What makes you think I couldn't be a good mom if I wanted to?"

I flinched. MOM.

"I'm just saying… Sam we can't keep it."

"What are we supposed to do? Abortion?"

I saw something flicker in Max's eyes, and I stared at him in horror.

"Holy fucking shit. Is THAT what you want? You want me to… ABORTION?"

"Maybe…"

He bounced back and forth between his feet, "I don't know, okay? I just really think we need to talk about all this."

"WHY? You keep acting like this is your problem. Well guess what? It isn't your problem. You can go off scot-free on your merry way. You have NO PART in my decisions about this."

Max's face reddened in anger.

"I HAVE A RIGHT!"

"YOU DO NOT! THIS IS MY DECISION! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!

He glared at me, dropping any mask of caring.

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT! I AM THE FATHER OF THAT BABY!"

The B word.

I felt faint, almost ready to fall over.

"Sam?"

No. No, this cannot be happening. Not now. No.

"Sam, is that true?"

Even Max looked uncomfortable. The anger had drained from his face, and he was looking over my shoulder at the only other person that could've heard our argument.

I turned around slowly, fighting panic.

"Freddie, I-"

"IS IT TRUE?"

Freddie looked pained, and I couldn't bear to see him that way. I turned my eyes away.

"Freddie, listen. I want-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Ouch. I don't think I've ever felt so… guilty.

"It's not like I wasn't gonna keep it a secret, Freddie. I was just scared…"

I heard a choked sob coming from his direction and jerked my head up. He didn't look like he was crying. He didn't really look mad, either. Just… empty. Numb.

I'd have rather had him mad at me.

"Freddie, please. I'm… I'm sorry."

"It's done."

"I'm sorry…"

"No, Sam. I mean WE'RE done. It's over."

My heart thumped wildly in my chest.

"No. Freddie! Wait, please! Don't… don't…"

He was walking away, leaving me.

"I wish you the best, Samantha Puckett. But I don't want to see you anymore."

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I knew I couldn't stop them. As the first of them rolled down my cheek, I choked out, "Why?"

Freddie turned to me, all emotion gone from his face. His eyes, once so beautiful and full of happiness, were now an empty void.

"You don't trust me. I loved you, but you never saw me that way. You couldn't trust me with your love."

I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I loved him and I was just afraid that he'd… I don't know. But he was right. I hadn't trusted him enough. I hadn't loved him enough.

I felt a horrible ripping in my chest as I watched him leave.

Broken. The bond between us was damaged beyond repair.

I supposed that was better for him. He needed to go live his dreams. I'd been holding him back.

What if I was doing that to Max? I didn't love him, but I didn't want to screw up his life. He didn't want this any more than I did. I needed to set him free. My life was changed forever, but his didn't have to be. Even if he was the… father, there was nothing he could do to help me. Not really.

I turned to Max, not even bothering to wipe my eyes. He looked intensely guilty. He hadn't meant for Freddie to find out like that. Somehow, his concern made me feel better about letting him go. He deserved an amazing girl. One that could love him.

"Max, I tried to tell you. This isn't your problem. It's… it's Freddie's."

"You mean Freddie… Freddie's the dad?"

I winced at the last word, but continued, regardless.

"Yeah. He didn't know. Umm… I'm sorry. That you worried like that. You can go."

Max looked a little dazed, "How could you tell?"

"Uh… the doc told me how far along I was and I figured it out from there. I'm only four weeks along."

Lie. I was five weeks in and looked like I'd eaten too much at a buffet.

"Oh."

His expression was a mixture of relief and pity.

"Max, it's okay. Don't worry about me. Just go and… live. Just go out and live for both of us, okay? I'll be fine."

He sighed and walked over.

"Sam, I'm sorry about all this. I wish there was something I could do…"

There wasn't. Nobody could help me now.

"Call me if you ever need someone. I'll be there if you need me."

He hugged me lightly and I let myself hug him back. I needed a hug.

I wasn't joined to either of them any longer. I'd cut them free, but stabbed myself in the process. And I was bleeding pretty badly.

He let go and went back into the detention room. He knew I wasn't going back.

I shambled off in the general direction of home.

Baby.

Baby.

Baby.

Baby.

I was having a baby.

Alone.

…

Poor Sam. She's lost two of the guys she needs the most. At least the Shays will still be there.

Stay tuned. There will be an extra chapter this Wednesday!

REVIEW!

Tell me:

What do you think Sam will do now that she's faced the B word?

How will she handle detention with Freddie now?

Also:

Sneak Peek at Chapter 37: Kind

I passed Freddie in the hallway before detention. He moved past me, eyes turned away, careful not to look at me.

I'd caught a glimpse of his face earlier in the day, and knew he still wore the same vacant expression as the night before. What was behind that blank stare? Anger? Resentment? Was he just in shock?