Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. This is just a tribute.

Thank you to my wonderful beta willowbae for her help and dedication, and for her willingness to talk about shoes :)

Chapter 34.

Nessie – escape

Seven Trees Hill was located in the Olympic National Park. It wasn't a proper hill; that was just the name that we had given the place years ago. It was actually a perfect circle of Douglas-firs growing on a high mound of earth in a dense part of the forest.

The mound was covered with a soft carpet of moss, which grew right to its edges. The light there was always soft and green, even in the height of summer, because of the heavy canopy of branches above. It had the feeling of a place that was very old and slightly magical. When I was little, I would stand on the edge of the mound and gaze down the steep banks, and imagine that I was in an ancient fortress. All it needed was a moat.

I usually loved visiting the hill, but on that particular Sunday morning, I could only feel trepidation about going there. Seth and I arrived slightly early. He was in wolf form, and I wasn't in the mood for talking, so we didn't have much of a conversation while we waited for the others. Katherine appeared soon after us.

Seth and Katherine had formed a surprisingly firm friendship. Seth understood that Marie wouldn't want to hang out with a vampire – not that he would ever admit it to me – so he usually arranged to meet up with Katherine when he went into the forest, hunting or running. I could tell that they enjoyed each other's company.

I was feeling slightly anxious about seeing her. After what Uncle Jasper had done, I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend time with any vampires. But as soon as I caught sight of my friend, I remembered that she had never murdered anyone and felt strangely reassured. She scaled the banks of the mound with ease and stepped onto the clearing with a cheerful smile.

"Hey Seth, how's it going?" She patted his shoulder and then turned to me. "Wow, Nessie, long time no see. How have you been?"

"Fine… I'm fine." I said hurriedly as she hugged me.

Considering the coolness of her skin, her hug made me feel surprisingly warm. It reminded me of my mom. This thought brought a lump into my throat and I squeezed her tightly. Katherine pulled back and met eyes. She tilted her head thoughtfully.

"You look tired. Are you ok?"

I noticed Seth glancing away, pretending not to listen, which only confirmed that he agreed with her.

"Sure." I gave a quick nod and dropped my gaze. "I just need to catch up on some sleep."

"Well, you can't call yourself a real student, unless you're suffering from sleep deprivation."

I glanced up. She gave me a kind smile and suddenly I really wanted to talk to her. I opened my mouth to speak and she threw me a quizzical look.

"What is it, Nessie?"

At that point it occurred to me that I had no idea of what to say, added to which, Seth was standing right beside me. My eyes fell in confusion.

"It's nothing."

Katherine didn't press me; she just turned her head. "I can hear Jake."

I instantly tensed up and my heart started to race. I knew that Seth and Kathy would be able to hear it. I wished that I could get a handle on my feelings. I was already a mess and Jake hadn't even come into view yet. I reached out and braced my arm against one of the Seven Trees. Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax and ignore the sharp pain in my chest. My heart steadied itself, but the pain remained. The imprint was rebelling against what I was doing to my soul mate.

I was relieved that Seth and Katherine weren't looking at me anymore; they were too busy watching for Jake's arrival. Moments later, I caught sight of his rusty wolf coat, darting through the trees towards us. I yanked my hand away from the tree trunk, and tried to affect a casual pose, as he bounded up the embankment into the clearing.

Katherine smiled at him. "Hi, Jake." And Seth met his eye and nodded.

Somehow, the pains in my chest actually seemed to be increasing with his close proximity. I could hardly manage a smile as he turned to look at me. My mouth felt dry as I tried to speak, and all I could manage was a tiny.

"Hi."

Jacob ambled over. His eyes never left my face. He stopped in front of me and gave my arm a small nudge with his head. My breathing hitched and I lifted my hand to his furry neck as he took a step forward and nuzzled my hair with his nose. It reminded me of how he used to treat me when I was a little girl, and I found myself leaning towards him and resting my forehead on his shoulder.

I had always found wolf Jake very comforting, he was like the world's best soft toy. He was so big, and soft, and warm. And even now, when I was in a state of turmoil, it was nice being with him like this. On a normal day this would have been the moment when I'd have rubbed his nose and sent him some thoughts. But my mind was in such chaos that I couldn't trust myself to send him any messages. I just continued to stroke the warm fur of his collar as he pressed his head against me.

We didn't stay like this for long. Seth and Katherine wanted to get going, so we left the clearing and headed through the forest, towards the mountain meadows, in search of black-tailed deer.

Katherine and Seth took the lead for several miles, while Jake and I followed a short way behind. As we approached the one of the familiar meadows, I could hear the ferocious snarls that told me that Katherine and Seth had just cornered their prey.

I picked up the pace and Jake easily matched my speed as we broke into the clearing. Katherine and Seth were busy with their kills. I could see the last of the herd disappearing into the trees, so I shot across the grass in pursuit. Jake branched away from me, racing into the trees to make his own route.

I headed back into the forest too. The adrenaline was making me feel good and easing the pain in my chest. I flew between the trees with a black-tail in my sights. It moved swiftly through the mossy undergrowth, but there was no way it was going to escape. To my left, I could hear that Jake had just brought down a deer. I closed the gap between my prey, and myself, and chose the perfect moment to run it to ground.

Taking those last few strides, I grasped the black-tail and wrestled it to the ground with ease. The terrified beast struggled against my merciless hold as I leaned down to take the fatal bite. I could hear the blood pulsing through its veins, calling me to finish the job. But as I curled back my lips, something stopped me.

The whole thing suddenly seemed too personal. I wasn't in the mood to deliver a death sentence on this poor creature. I could hardly understand why I had wanted to hunt it in the first place. I wasn't even hungry. I'd had no real appetite since hearing about Uncle Jasper's slip.

Pulling back, I released the deer and watched it struggle to its feet and bolt gracefully into the trees. My eyes were fixed on its path long after it had disappeared from view. Eventually, I moved from my crouching position to sit on the ground with my back resting against a fir. I didn't want to find the others just yet. I assumed that they would still be feeding and I needed a moment alone.

I closed my eyes and found myself praying for a way out of this mess. It would be so good to escape, just for a little while. I could give everything a chance to settle and pull myself together. The pain caused by Uncle Jasper's slip might become less immediate. I could find some distance and forget about the lies, and be myself again. Then I could return to Jacob and make him happy without the constant feelings of guilt and anger weighing me down.

But there was nowhere to go, except back to Seattle, or – worse still – to my family's new home in Illinois. I realised that if I carried on feeling this way, I would probably have to return to campus in the next couple of days. It would be better than staying in Forks and making Jake unhappy, which was all I'd been doing since arriving back.

I cursed myself for having come home at all. I should have let the dust settle and given myself more time before facing him. A couple more weeks and everything would have been fine. But there was no use worrying about that now; I just needed to get myself back to normal, before any more damage was done.

It wasn't long before I heard Jake approaching. I hurriedly rose to my feet and turned to meet him as he drew near. Even as a wolf, his confused expression was unmistakable. He was wondering what on earth I was doing. He glanced around, looking for the carcass of a deer. I met his eyes and said with an indifferent shrug.

"I wasn't hungry." He couldn't reply, which made it easy for me to ask nonchalantly. "Shall we go?"

We retracted our steps to the meadow, where we found Seth and Katherine, and we all headed back to the cottage. It was some distance away, but no one was in any hurry to get back, so we took a leisurely pace through the massive trees.

When we arrived, Katherine and I went straight inside, while the guys phased back into human form. As soon as I entered the living room I was struck by the change that had occurred since my last visit. A couple of weeks earlier the cottage had looked as if someone was living there, but now it was immaculately clean and tidy. Everything had been put away. Nothing was out of place. It felt just like a vacation cabin that was waiting for the arrival of its next occupants.

I glanced quickly at Katherine with my eyebrows raised. "It's so tidy."

I could hardly understand why this fact filled me with such a sense of dread. She seemed to understand that I was very anxious, because she answered me carefully.

"I wanted to leave everything where I found it."

Only one word filtered through. I repeated it stupidly. "Leave...?"

"Yes, I was planning on telling you today." She nodded, adding gently. "I've already trespassed for too long on your hospitality."

"No, you haven't." I shook my head and could hear the desperation creeping into my voice. "Please don't think that. You can stay for as long as you like."

"It's been amazing, Nessie; I don't really want to go. But I can't stay here forever." Her golden eyes were full of gratitude. "Your cousins invited me to stay with them in Denali. I agreed to travel there in a couple of days."

"You're going to Alaska in a couple of days? That's so soon…!"

"They asked me to fly up earlier, but I waited because I really wanted to say goodbye to you properly."

"Oh, ok…" I nodded mechanically and felt my eyes starting to tear up.

Until this moment, I'd hardly realised how much I had come to depend upon her friendship. She understood my struggle with my vampire side in the way that no one else really could. And I could tell her things without fear of judgement or constraint. I had come to lean on her for help and advice. And now she was going away…

My bottom lip started to tremble. Seeing the look on my face, Katherine flew across the room and hugged me.

"Don't be upset Nessie. You know we'll keep in touch, right?"

I nodded into her shoulder and unsuccessfully fought back the tears. "I know… I'm sorry… I'm just going to miss you…"

"I'll miss you too." She patted my back reassuringly. "But we'll see each other again. You know we will."

At that moment, Jake strolled into the cottage, followed by Seth. He caught sight of my tearful expression and took a hasty step towards me.

"Nessie, what's wrong?"

There was a note of alarm in his voice, making it very obvious how stressed he'd been feeling in the last few days. He stopped in his tracks, unsure of what to do. Pulling away from Katherine, I guiltily brushed away my tears with the back of my hand.

"Don't worry." I tried to calm him. "I'm only being silly. I was caught off guard, that's all. Katherine just told me that she's leaving… she's going to Denali."

Seth glanced at Katherine in surprise. "Oh, when are you going?"

"The day after tomorrow."

She started to discuss her plans with Seth and I drifted away from her, lost in my own thoughts. Jake was still hovering, clearly uncertain if I would want his comfort. I wasn't entirely sure myself. Katherine's news had made me feel so upset that I didn't know if it was a good idea to get too close to him. If I didn't watch out, the floodgates would open and I would be confessing everything. So I turned my back on Jacob and wandered to the window.

I gazed out at the shadowy forest without really seeing anything, and tried to gain mastery over my feelings. I couldn't believe how low this news had made me feel. It seemed like the final straw. I knew that I was being selfish. Katherine had her own life and wanted to move on, but from my point of view, her departure couldn't have come at a worse time. It somehow highlighted how isolated I was becoming. She was going to Alaska and I was going to be left in Forks, lying and struggling to hold myself together, and making Jacob miserable.

For the second time that day, I wished I could go away too, if only to escape from this pain in my chest.

"Nessie, are you ok?" I suddenly felt Katherine's hand on my shoulder.

I turned away from the window and looked her straight in the eye. "Can I come too?" I hadn't even realised what I wanted, until the words were leaving my mouth.

"What do you mean?" My abrupt question caught her off-guard.

"Would you mind if I travelled with you to Alaska?"

By now Seth and Jake were both staring at me with startled expressions. Jake looked seriously unimpressed, so I tried to sound as if I was making a rational suggestion, rather than a completely wild and impulsive one.

"I'm having a week off college anyway. I could travel with you to Denali for a few days, and then come home next weekend. We could go camping or something… and then afterwards you could go to my cousins, the way you planned, and I could go back to college."

I felt very nervous as I made my request, half expecting Katherine to say that she didn't want me tagging along, but she just smiled kindly and said.

"I'd love you to come, but wouldn't you rather go when it's not so cold?"

Seth broke in anxiously. "Why don't you wait, Nessie? It's not the best weather right now; you might have more fun in the summer."

"No, I don't want to wait." The desperation leaked into my voice as I glanced around the room. Everyone was watching me closely, as if they expected me to throw a tantrum, or burst into tears. I turned my pleading eyes back to Katherine. "It would be fun. And I've been working so hard. I need a break… please."

She gazed at me for a moment with a thoughtful expression. I held my breath, bracing myself for rejection, but Katherine just smiled and nodded.

"Sure, you can come. We can go hunting, it'll be fun."

"Thank you." I sighed with relief and hugged her.

Just the thought of being able to escape, if only for a few days, made me feel as if a huge burden was being lifted. I happened to glance up and catch sight of Jacob's face. He wasn't looking at me. He was frowning at the floor and said nothing. In fact, he didn't really speak until we left. He just listened to Katherine and me making our arrangements without comment. It was left to Seth to fill in the void that was created by Jake's silence.

I knew that Jake wasn't pleased with my plan to go to Alaska, and it made me feel slightly uneasy, but no preferable solution had presented itself. Jake might not be able to see it, but I knew that this trip was for the best. I told myself that everything would be fine after I'd had some time away.

Seth, Jake and I eventually said goodbye to Katherine and left the cottage. We walked through the woods together, until Jake said to Seth.

"You go on ahead, I'll see Nessie home."

"Sure." Seth nodded and threw me a wary glance. "See you later, Nessie."

We both knew that Jake wasn't feeling too happy and probably wanted to speak to me without an audience. I affected unconcern and said goodbye in a relaxed voice, but inside I was feeling the just the opposite. Seth took off through the trees towards the town, and Jake and I followed a different route, across the river and through the forest.

We were well out of earshot of the cottage, before Jake stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. Folding his arms over his chest, he glared down at me with a heavy frown.

"Ok, you need to tell me what's going on, because, I swear to God, I can't keep up with you anymore."

My eyes fell and I mumbled. "I don't know what you mean."

"Like hell you don't," he snapped and then added in frustration. "Come on, Nessie… Alaska!" He shook his head in disbelief. "Yesterday you said that you didn't care about going on vacation, and now all of a sudden you're flying to Anchorage! Where the hell did that come from?"

I knew that I was on thin ice. Jake was sounding seriously pissed off and if I didn't watch out the whole situation would escalate. I laid my hand on his arm and tried to speak steadily.

"I have a week off. I thought it could be fun."

"No." He glowered. "I saw your face… this isn't about having fun."

I tried to justify myself. "I just need a break, that's all."

This was the wrong thing to say, because he pulled away from my touch, looking hurt and angry. "You mean a break from me!"

As usual, I was failing to calm the situation. "No, that's not what I meant. Don't put words into my mouth," I cried indignantly.

"I don't need to put words into your mouth; the way you've been acting says it all," he accused. His fists clenched at his sides and he met my eyes with a burning gaze.

I knew he was right and for some reason this knowledge filled me with anger. It blossomed out of my frustration with my family and my situation, and for a moment it overwhelmed my reason. I felt furious that Jake couldn't see through my subterfuge and understand that I was trying to protect the people I loved, most of all him.

How could he be so blind? I didn't want to be in this mess. I would much rather have been spending a happy week with him, instead of feeling the need to escape to Alaska. But I didn't have a choice, because at every turn I was blocked and forced down a road that I didn't want to take.

But as quickly as the anger flared up, it died down, leaving me with a strange sense of despair. I could only see one way out of my predicament and Jake was trying to stop me from taking it. I was completely trapped and I knew it. I stared up at him in anguish.

"Can't I do anything without having to ask for permission first?"

My voice was suspended by something between a gasp and a sob, and I turned away to hide my face. There was no way out. I was going to have to stay in Forks and go crazy. I took a shuddering breath and tried to fight back the tears.

Jacob didn't reply; he just stepped forward and gathered me into his embrace. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he held me tightly and pressed kisses onto my hair. For the first time in days, I felt warm and secure. Desperate for the contact, I leaned in closer and listened to his strong heartbeat. I had missed being with him like this. I had missed him.

"Hey, it's ok…" All Jake's anger seemed to have evaporated as he gently rubbed my back. "No one's trying to stop you, honey. I'm just worried about you, that's all. I know you don't want to talk to me, but I don't know what else to do."

Resting my palms against his chest, I spoke in a muffled voice. "It's not you, Jake. I'm not finding things easy right now. I just need some time and I'll be fine."

I glanced up to find that he was watching me intently. Gazing into his dark eyes, I was relieved to see that they weren't angry anymore, just concerned. I reached up and gingerly touched his cheek with my fingertips. This was the first message that I'd sent him since arriving in Forks.

I'm sorry… I wish I wasn't being this way.

He sighed and held me tighter. "Are you sure you need to go away?"

I nodded. I'm sorry…

He lifted his hand and placed it over mine. "Don't worry, you don't need to apologise. It's going to be ok." He squeezed my fingers reassuringly. "Maybe a trip away will do you good. You haven't been yourself lately… and I know I'm not really helping."

It's not you, Jake. I lowered my gaze and nestled closer, feeling very guilty.

"That's ok. I guess there are some things that you might not want to discuss with me." He sounded surprisingly sympathetic. "I sometimes forget how far away Bella and your aunts are. But maybe you could speak to Katherine. She might understand some stuff better than I could. You know…" he added awkwardly. "Being a girl."

My eyes flew wide with astonishment. By some amazing stroke of luck, Jake had decided to interpret my erratic behaviour as being related to the fact that I was a teenage girl. He probably thought it was something that I was too embarrassed to tell him about.

Well, I wasn't about to disillusion him! I kept my face averted and nodded. "Maybe."

I couldn't believe it. Jake's incorrect assumption meant that I really would be able to sweep this whole incident under the carpet. I could go to Alaska, get my head together, and then come home my normal self with no one any the wiser. I felt more hopeful than I had in a week. Perhaps everything really would be ok after all.

Two days later Katherine and I drove to Seattle, to catch the flight to Anchorage. Jake wasn't exactly cheerful in the time leading up to my departure, but he put on a brave face for my sake. He didn't want me so far away, and I could tell that he had to fight his instincts not to try and stop me leaving. But he understood that it was important to me, so he didn't try to talk me out of it.

Grandpa was surprised by announcement that I was going to Denali. But he was aware that I had cousins living there and assumed that I would be staying with them. I decide not to mention that I actually intended to spend several days camping in the Alaskan wilderness. I knew he'd only worry unnecessarily.

I didn't bother to tell my parents what I was planning to do. I was still feeling too angry with the whole family. I thought that Grandpa would probably mention it to them if my mom called during the week, but by then I would be long gone. I knew that Jake, Seth and Grandpa would take it for granted that I'd discussed this trip with the Cullens, so just I let them carry on believing it. I wasn't in the mood for explanations. I was sick and tired of answering to other people.

On the morning of my departure, Jacob came to see me off from Grandpa's. He arrived well before sunrise and it was still dark and very cold. I was driving to the big house to collect Katherine, and from there we were heading straight to Seattle to catch an early flight.

Jake looked very anxious as he leaned forward and kissed me goodbye. My heart gave a twinge, but I reminded myself that everything was going to be better soon. Resting his hand on my cheek, he tilted my head up to meet his gaze. I could see the concern in his eyes as he brushed my cheekbone with his thumb. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself and shook his head as if he was trying to dispel an unwelcome thought.

I didn't like to see him looking so troubled, so I asked. "What is it Jake?"

He sighed and his dark eyes became grave. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't help worrying about you."

"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it," I said bracingly, leaning forward and giving him a hug. "You'll hardly have any time to miss me."

Jacob didn't seem entirely reassured. He gripped me tightly, clearly reluctant to let go. "Please try to stay safe, Nessie."

I nodded solemnly and climbed into the car. "I will."

As I drove away, I could still see Jake in the rear-view mirror. He stood in the road outside Grandpa's house with his arms crossed, watching until I disappeared out of sight.

I was sorry to see that his brow was still furrowed by an anxious frown.

Author's notes:

Just to let you know, next Saturday I will not be posting a chapter.

My brother is getting married that day. I am really looking forward to the wedding, but I don't think I'll have time to edit or post a chapter with the busy week I've got coming, and I'll have no opportunity on Saturday (especially since I'm supervising the bridesmaids!). But I will be posting again on the following Saturday.

Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to my very nice reviewers and the people who've added this story to their lists. And a quick thank you to last week's reviewers who I couldn't PM: Sarah, Frank, Joanna, Olivia and Rach199. I appreciated your kind words :)

Have a lovely week,

Mad :)