Chapter Twenty-Two

The Prices We Pay

Within a shared parlor, ignorant of the whatever else was happening in the vast stone structure around him, Shad sat in contemplation. A sigh fell from numb lips as he closed his eyes.

Seconds felt like hours as he sat in silence, in darkness of his own creation. As his eyes opened, he glanced around the sanctuary which had become his prison. A prison he helped create, for if he had not stepped in years previously, they would not be fighting the demons which now tore at them. Or at the very least, his lover would not be.

For perhaps the thousandth time, his head turned toward the door. Raw terror seized him, knowing that Link could find him at any moment, but even when all remained quiet and the handle unturned, paranoia continued to twist within him. Despite his innocence in any wrong doing, for he had yet to act, he did not want the Hylian warrior's suspicion to be roused. The price of past decisions weighed heavily on his mind. His spirit withered under the knowledge of what he had done, what he had caused. He couldn't afford, in any form, the consequences of what Link's reaction might be. His faltering courage nearly fled entirely as the reality of what was to come wormed its way into his mind. It was already costing him all of the willpower that he had in his bookish frame to even think the aspects of this plan, and all of the strength that he had in his body to carry it out.

His gaze drifted from the suite entrance to the chamber that lay before him before sliding over the adjoining doors. Clean enough now. Shad couldn't help but give a soft, reminiscent chuckle at the thought of the usual state of their rooms. Being clean and orderly had never been one of his lover's strongest suits. Zelda, thank the goddesses, was able to inspire a habit within him at times to maintain cleanliness; however, regrettably, Link was never able to hold the habit of his sister for very long, and once-clean rooms would shortly fall into disarray once more. Even his clothes and weapons returned home marred with the evidences of war.

He didn't think that he'd ever get used to the mess and disarray. But that was Link, and Shad loved him so.

With the lightest of touches, he placed his fingertips to his forehead and gave a sigh that nearly drained him of what little strength that he had. He knew that he had been running away from the problem. He was doing it now, sitting upon the couch, staring rather than acting on what he needed to do. But...he was so afraid to act. He wasn't a warrior or a hero. It wasn't within him to act at a moment's notice, no matter how well laid a plan may be. Link was the hero, the one driven on by the courage to do what he needed to do, no matter the cost or who asked it of him, the one who went where no one else could go to because he had been blessed to do so. He was Shad, the archeologist, the scholar who had spent far too many a night buried in texts that continued his father's work in finding the elusive Sky People, something that had escaped him still even to the day, despite Link's assurance of their existence. And he...he was so tired, more tired that he was giving himself credit for.

The sound of footsteps broke his musing. His heart began to race as he tensed, his eyes once more turned upon the gleaming handle which led from the gilded cage. It wasn't until several long minutes after the echoing steps faded that he began to relax. Without notice, tears burned down his pale cheeks like acid. Exhaustion seeped from the very core of his soul. He was not the hero, was not the warrior that had become his family. He was not even the strategist, though they tried to credit him with such. He was...just the researcher. But once more, he would have to become what he was not. To save himself. To save his lover.

A strangled, mournful sound wrenched itself from his throat. His lungs ached from holding his breath yet he paid none of it any mind. With shaking hands, he fumbled for the tiny gold key hidden below his shirt. The chain nearly broke as he pulled it over his head. He was all but blind as fresh, hot tears threatened to fall.

The only sounds which filled his ears were the pounding of his arrhythmic heart and his scant, labored breaths. The distance between him and the cabinet was an abyss. He closed the space on stumbling feet. He trembled violently, nearly dropping the key, and with it, his courage. As the tiny bit of metal slid home, there was only silence.

The click was both his salvation and damnation.

Before him, atop sturdy shelves of gleaming wood, sat bottles. Rows upon rows of colorful glass mocked him. Fire from the sconces danced within the depths of their facets. The same fire burned through his veins, a siren's call for which he couldn't dare have answered. As he ran his fingers over the glass and precious stone, he swallowed a sob which threatened to stop his heart. He could not feel the etched containers as he pulled them from the shelf.

He worked quickly, knowing there wasn't a second to spare although the time he had left was unclear. His movements were smooth and sure, nearly mechanical in their orderly fashion, never pausing as he placed each fragile bottle within a sturdy box. As if packing his father's research, he treated the liquor with reverence seen by few. It wasn't until the last bottle was within its new home that he allowed the tears to fall and the cries to sound within the empty suite.

Shad fell to his knees as his strength poured from him with each unchecked tear. For just a moment, he would allow himself to mourn his past and current decisions, would allow himself to grieve for the man he had all but destroyed with his lust for the only escape he could find. For just a moment, the nearly illegible letter in his pocket would not remind him of where the boxes were to be taken. For just a moment, he could forget he shared the vast space with another and that he might return within the space of a heartbeat. For just a moment, he would be weak.

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AN: Thanks to StorytellerLore for writing part of this chapter, and of course, beta'ing. The pup's name will be revealed next chapter.

BN: You know you don't have to put my name up. You flatter me but you don't have to.

Songs:

FAR by Lzn02

Elaine Ettariel by Adam Skorupa