Hello again! I'm on a roll this weekend!
Here is the next chapter. No promises on when I'll get more done but I will work on it as quickly as possible!
As always S.M. Owns Twilight!
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36. Learning to live again: Talk with Mom
Violet's POV:
My mom drove us into town silently. I think she was waiting for me to say something first but I was so embarrassed I had no clue how or where to start.
As we pulled into a Village Inn I wiped my hands on my skirt, "Could you please go in and order me a French Silk pie?"
"Of course would you like me to get you a drink as well?" she replied gently.
"Yeah an ice tea would be nice, thank you."
She gently squeezed my hand, "when I get back I want you to start talking ok?"
"Thanks mom. I promise I'll talk I just have to get my nerve up."
She nodded and headed inside while I sat there thinking about Emmett and everything that was bothering me. Jasper was great and helping with some of my issues but I felt weird talking to him about sex. Bella and Alice were great too but mom and I have gotten really close since my adoption and I needed her now.
After a few moments she came back and handed me the pie and a large to-go cup as she got into the van.
"Thanks mom. Before I start eating I wanted to tell you what everyone was freaking out about back home."
"Alright should I be concerned?"
"I do not think so. Honestly it is between Emmett and myself, everyone else should butt out, however Edward freaked out and now everyone seems to know."
"What happened sweetheart?"
"Last night Emmett's teeth broke through the skin on my left breast. It was a complete accident and he was able to remove the venom. Now before you freak out he had absolutely no problems stopping and it is not something that will happen again without my permission. I am not ready to be turned."
"So he didn't feed from you?" she asked seriously.
"Well maybe a little." I giggled softly and felt my face heat up, "Honestly it was kind of a turn on. I liked the pain. Does that make me sick?"
I watched her face as she processed what I said and the range of emotions were interesting.
"Sweetheart you are a human and he is not. His natural food source is human blood. It is very dangerous for him to do that. When our kind feed we sometimes go into a frenzy. When that happens it is almost impossible for us to stop until out prey are completely drained. Emmett would never forgive himself if he killed you."
"Grandpa Sam feed from Gram on a regular basis and never once did he lose control. I do not believe Emmett could either." I opened the box and started eating the pie.
"Well I... um... that is interesting." I could see she was very confused so I just shut up.
She started the car and started driving around, "Violet?"
"Yeah mom?"
"Was that all you wanted to talk to me about?"
I swallowed and sighed, "no not really but I am a coward so I guess..."
"I don't think you're a coward at all. You have just never had anyone you that actually cared about you that you could talk to and you really don't know how."
"But I talk to Jasper."
"That's different."
"Yeah I guess it is. Is it wrong of me to use him like a shrink?"
"Sweetheart, Jasper is just happy that he can help his new sister. He does have a degree in Psychology so if that is how you need him now that's fine. He loves the fact that you aren't afraid of him."
"Why would I be afraid of him?" I have always been comfortable around him.
Mom giggled softly, "when Bella was human he stayed away from her a lot because he could feel Edwards cravings for her blood. At the time he was still fairly new to the animal diet and Edwards cravings made it even harder for him."
"Oh, I see," I put another fork full of he chocolatey goodness in my mouth and thought about that for a few moments.
"Do you think I am too young to know exactly what and who I want in life?"
"If you were a normal girl I would think so but you're not normal. You're my daughter and that alone makes you special. Our family isn't normal. Also you have been through so much in your short life. You have been forced to grow up fast. So no I don't think you are too young to know exactly what or who you want in life or after life if that is what you choose."
"Do you think it is selfish of me to enjoy being a kid when I have Alexandra?"
"Your father and I want you to be a kid as much as you want to be. Lexi knows you love her and she knows she's your baby. Nothing will ever change that. Yes I spend a lot of time with her but I'm just Nana, you're still Mommy."
"Does it bother her when I am not around? We have never really been apart before."
"Sometimes but she is smart and knows you need to go to school. I'm not suppose to tell you but your father and Emmett take turns coming up at lunch to eat with her."
I closed my eyes and in my mind I could see Emmett sitting at Alexandra's little table eating lunch with her. If I could get him to fall in love with me he would make the perfect dad.
"You're thinking of Emmett again aren't you?" mom's voice broke through my daydream.
I opened my eyes again and nodded as I looked around. I was so busy daydreaming I did not notice mom had pulled into a park and we were positioned looking out over a lake.
"I love him." I confessed after a few moments.
"I know that sweetheart. Everyone knows that, even Lexi. You light up when ever he's around and you can't wait to see him when you get home," she said smiling at me.
"Do you think he could love me too?"
Mom turned towards me and removed the remnants of the pie from my lap. Then she sat it on the seat behind me and grabbed my hands, "Sweetheart Emmett does love you."
"But he has never said anything."
"Violet, Emmett is not a man of words. Of all my boys he is the least intellectual."
"He is smart!" I defended.
"I didn't say smart dear. I said intellectual not stupid. He acts first then thinks. The others normally think before they act. It's part of what makes Emmett Emmett. He is happy with you, happier than he ever was with Rosalie."
"But I am so different. I'm short and fat..."
"And sweet and kind and generous and wonderful..."
"But..."
"There are no butts. Emmett doesn't love you for your shell. He loves you for you."
"Then why has he not told me so?"
"Because he's Emmett. You know in the last ten years of Rosalie's existence I never heard him actually say the words I love you. I'm not sure why he hasn't told you he loves you but I can promise you he does."
I started fiddling with her wedding rings as I thought through that. After a few moments my mind turned to most of our make out sessions. Last night had been great but after our accident he had called an end to things. I did not have the chance to freak out but what if it had gone further? Would I have freaked out? Would those images happen again? Why did they choose now to happen? Just when I have the chance to be happy and kind of normal I become a basket case.
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"I am scared."
"What are you scared of?"
"Um..." wow how do I tell her? "Sex."
"Well what scares you?"
"I do not know really... Um... this might sound weird but um..." I pulled my hands out of hers and wiped them on my skirt.
"Sweetheart I know you and Emmett have been physical to a point and I don't care nor am I going to judge you by anything you say to me. You are my daughter and I love you. Nothing you could ever say or do will change that."
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Esme's POV:
If I had known it would make her cry I would never had said it but when I told her I loved her no matter what she did or said I meant it. Adopting Violet has been a blessing to Carlisle and I and we love being her parents and Alexandra's grandparents. Sure we love our other children as well but the relationship we have with Violet is truly that of a parental nature.
I slid my chair back and pulled Violet into my lap. She came to my willingly and set her head on my shoulder as she cried. After a few moments she calmed down I handed her a tissue. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, I am sorry. I have never had anyone care about me like that before,"She sniffed and wiped her nose as I pushed her hair out of her face.
I took an unnecessary breath to calm myself. I had never wanted to kill another person more than I wanted to kill that cold-hearted bitch in that moment.
"Don't be sorry. I love you and your daughter. When Carlisle suggested we adopt you I jumped at the opportunity. Even if you choose to stay human and grow old I will love you forever. I couldn't love you more if you were my natural child."
She sniffed and hugged me, "Thanks Mom. I love you too."
I pushed the hair out of her face again and smiled, "Now back to the subject at hand, what scares you about sex?"
She let out an unladylike snort and moved back to her own seat. "Nothing really not where Emmett is concerned but when we get going I have these flashes. No not flashes more like memories I guess but they are memories I did not know I remembered. Does that make sense?"
"Yes. Please go on."
"Well these memories are what scare me more than anything. It comes in bits and pieces of the night I was raped. Then I get scared and freak out but by the time I realize it is Emmett's hands on me and not Harold's it is too late, the mood is dead and I am just a big ball of tears." She started fiddling with her ring and I sighed. I could feel her misery filling the van.
"It's alright to be scared Violet. What happened to you was terrible and would be scary to any normal person. I know it isn't the same but when I was human I was married to a man who thought it was his right as my husband to beat me when ever he felt he wanted to. I was constantly in fear even after I was changed I would get scared when your father would get angry."
"Daddy gets angry?"
"Edward went through a rebellious stage. They both yelled a lot back then. Anyway your father helped me get over my fear and when Edward came back we welcomed him back."
"Yeah but I do not remember those things happening to me just the images that play in my head!" She crossed her arms over her chest annoyed, "not fair!"
I now know exactly where Lexi gets that look from.
I suppressed the chuckle I had bubbling up, "Violet I know it's not fair but I'm sure Emmett understands."
"Well he has never complained but sooner or later he is going to get tired of the bull shit!"
"Emmett loves you Violet. He will give you all the time you need."
"But he shouldn't have too! I mean I feel so bad because I have no clue what I am doing so I let him take the lead but then I freak out when I want to be enjoying it!"
Ah ha! We have the biggest part of the problem. She feels out of control. I pulled the van out of the parking slot and headed home quickly, "Put your seat belt on dear. We are going to get you some homework."
"Homework? Do I not have enough of that as it is?"
"This is different and you only have to do it tonight."
"What is it?"
"I have a book I want you to read and the next time you and Emmett have alone time I want you to take control. I think it will help you a lot."
"Um... ok?"
I giggled and pushed on the gas even more. Within five minuets I was stopping in front of the house. As we walked in the front door I could hear Emmett and Lexi upstairs singing along to her new Taylor Swift CD at the top of their lungs.
Violet sighed and started for the stairs, "He's going to kill her ears."
I followed after her and couldn't help but laugh at the sight that met us. Standing in Lexi's play room was my husband and big burly son wearing purple eye shadow, bright red lipstick, pink tutus, tiaras and high heals dancing with an equally garbed Lexi.
Violet stood there in shock, her mouth hanging open. I moved around her and turned off the CD player.
"Oh hi honey," Carlisle said grinning. "We were just playing."
"The music is too loud you three," I scolded for Violet who was still standing in the hall shocked.
Emmett grinned at me, "Yeah where's Violet?"
I pointed to the hallway.
He grinned and turned towards Violet, "Hay babe!"
He bounced over to her in those ridiculous heals and pulled her into his arms, "Did you enjoy your time with your mom?"
"Ah... is that my lipstick?"
"Yeah but I'll buy you a new tube." He grinned down at her.
"Kay... what happened to bedtime and settling down?" I could still hear the shock in her voice.
"We got distracted. Want to play?"
"I... I... I um... I have homework."
"Ok, I'll get her to bed and be there later," he leaned down, kissed her cheek and left a red lipstick mark on her.
She turned and headed down the hallway. "Mom? Where's that book?"