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Chapter 36

Becoming a Good Shepherd

Iann joined our little family and, to my great surprise, he seemed a natural fit. I had been a bit apprehensive at first, not because I disliked him or because of his budding attraction to Little Deer, but rather because I feared he might take exception to my firm position as leader. Early on in my life as a vampire, I realized that I was a natural alpha and, while I could play the subordinate role as I had when I lived with the Volturi, I wasn't at all comfortable in it. I feared that Iann, having lived as a lone male for many years, might not adjust well to suddenly being subject to my authority. With that in mind, I made a concerted effort to ease him into his new situation with as little stress as possible.

Fortunately, my authority had never been much of an issue with Little Deer. At times she could be strong willed and even disobedient, but in spite of this I knew that ultimately she loved and respected me. If I insisted strongly on a course of action, thought she might not agree and she would defiantly voice her opinion, she would defer to my authority and accept my decision. She gave me her complete trust and her unfaltering loyalty, but I knew that she would never surrender her intractable spirit to me or to anyone else.

In the weeks since Iann's arrival I found his addition to our family invaluable. Now, when I departed in the evening to attend to my duties at the hospital, I was secure in the knowledge that Little Deer wasn't alone. Iann was there to keep her company through the long hours of night, take her hunting if her thirst became too great, and defend her from others should the need arise. Up until he joined our family, I hadn't realized just how stressful leaving my sister all alone each evening was for me. Having another family member to rely upon was a great relief to me.

As I rode into the yard I noticed the front door open and Little Deer stepped lightly onto the porch. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a single thick plat and she wore a lively but simply pale green dress. Her bright smile was instantaneous as she rushed off the porch to greet me and attend to Cloud.

"Did my brother save many lives at the hospital last night?" she asked cheerfully as she took hold of Cloud's reins. This was her way of asking if I had a good shift, and I couldn't help but smile as I swung down from Cloud's back.

"A few, I suppose." It was rarely by my efforts alone that a patient lived or died though I tended to take every outcome personally. "How was your evening with Iann?"

A frown pulled down the corners of her mouth, "We went hunting a few hours ago. I was very thirsty but I wanted to await your return. Iann insisted that we should not wait, that it was not good for me."

"I agree," I replied as I shortened the stirrup leathers so that the irons wouldn't dump against Clouds side when Little Deer led him into the barn. "If you're thirsty, then let Iann take you hunting. There's no reason for you to await my return from the hospital."

She continued to frown and I knew the situation went deeper than a hunt. "Is everything well between you and Iann . . . you didn't have a fight did you?" In my mind, I left Iann in charge during my absence. I never made the position official in any way and I most certainly didn't give him any leeway to be heavy handed with my sister.

"No, we did not fight, but I was not pleased to be made to hunt against my wishes either," she grumped as she rubbed Cloud's favorite scratching spot between his ears.

By her continued expression of displeasure, I was beginning to get the impression that Little Deer and I needed to have serious discussion. "Finish tending to Cloud," I instructed her gently, "and then meet me in my study; we'll continue this discussion then."

"I do not wish to discuss this matter in my brother's dusty old study."

My right eyebrow shot up at her defiant comment. "Is that so," I replied dryly. "And I suppose my sister would prefer to continue haranguing me regarding the matter in the middle of the front yard."

"Your sister . . ." she paused, swallowed hard, and then continued, "Your sister would like to go for a run with her brother."

I sighed as I continued to watch her. As always, she was forceful in standing up for herself while maintaining an air of deep respect for my position as her brother and leader. I was certain that her ability to straddle the two positions so deftly stemmed from her upbringing among the natives. Unlike women of European decent who were thought their place in a world dominated by men from an early age, the women of Little Deer's tribe had more rights and a greater measure of power.

I nodded my approval of her request. "Finish tending Cloud," I whispered as I gave the geldings neck an affectionate pat. "I'll be waiting on the porch for you when you're done."

She finally approached me then and fell into my arms. I embraced her tightly, rubbing her back as I planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Go now;" I insisted as I pushed her gently from my arms, "The sooner you finish your chores the sooner we can go for our run."

I watched her disappear into the barn with the amiable grey gilding in tow. The horses became skittish if we moved at vampire speed when dealing with them. That being the case, I knew it would take her at least half an hour to finish with Cloud. I crossed the yard and leapt nimbly onto the porch; a half hour was more than enough time to consult Iann and get his side of the evening's events.

When I opened the door and stepped inside, I found my newest family member seated in the parlor reading a volume from my library on Newtonian Physics. Where I had a passion for medicine, Iann was showing a budding affinity for engineering. I smiled at the sight of him pouring over the text; Newton was one of my favorite modern scholars. When he looked up from his reading however, my smile was gone and an expression of indifference was in its place.

"I'm sure you overheard our conversation," I insisted casually.

"I did," he replied as he closed the book and laid it beside him on the sofa. With our inhumanly acute hearing utterly private conversations were difficult to come by in close quarters.

"Would you care to tell me what happened?"

"I was telling her the ledged of the Kelpie, the water horse, when I noticed how black her eyes were." He shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "I suggested that we go hunting and she instantly refused. She said she wasn't thirsty, but I knew she was lying because her eyes were inky black."

He began fidgeting with the hem of his shirt sleeve and I knew he was nervous. In an effort to ease his distress, I sat down and attempted to take on a more casual air. On more than one occasion, Ayala had informed me that I could look quite severe and even menacing, when I stood glaring at a body. The experience was very intimidating, according to my sister, and that wasn't how I wished to come off to Iann at the moment.

"We didn't fight," he continued once I was settled. "But we did argue a bit. Eventually she agreed to go hunting with me; however she wasn't at all happy about it." He looked up at me then and I noted the deep confusion in his eyes. "I thought she enjoyed my company, Carlisle; she always seemed to anyway. Last night I felt as though she would like to be rid of me altogether." Though he didn't express his pain, I could easily read it in his expression.

"She does, indeed, enjoy your company Iann," I assured him. "I can tell that by watching the two of you when you're together. If my observations aren't enough to convince you, she's confided this fact to me." He looked somewhat relieved by my comments but doubt still lingered in his eyes. "Something beyond the matter of a reluctant hunt seems to be bothering Little Deer and I intend to get to the bottom of it." I stood then and turned towards the door. "Thank you for your candor, I greatly appreciate it."

"If you feel it would be better all parties concerned, I can be long gone by the time you and Ayala return from your run." His words were a sad whisper in my sensitive ears.

I stopped dead in my tracks but didn't turn to face him; I couldn't imagine suddenly losing my newest family member over an obvious misunderstanding. While I wasn't as closely bonded to Iann as I was to Ayala, I did genuinely like him. In time the bond between us would grow stronger and I was sure I would come to see him as a brother just as I saw Ayala as a sister.

"You are a cherished part of this family Iann, and I would find your absence highly distressing," I insisted as I turned around slowly. "Incidentally," I began hesitantly, "in case you haven't taken notice of the fact, and in spite of her behavior last night, Little Deer is quite taken with you. Your departure would be devastating for her as well."

Over the course of the days and weeks since his arrival, I'd been privileged to watch something quite beautiful begin to grow and blossom between Iann and Ayala. While it was too soon yet to say what would become of this budding relationship, to carelessly dash it to the ground now would be a travesty.

"I'll stay then," he nodded slightly. "But will you give me the answer to a question that's been burning a hole in my chest since the day I arrived."

"If I can," I replied.

"Just what sort of relationship exists between you and Ayala," he asked a bit uncomfortably. "I've heard her call you brother and you refer to her as your sister, but I'm very confused. I'm not blind; I see a definite bond of love between the two of you . . . are you mates then?"

"No; Little Deer and I are not now, nor shall we ever be a mated pair." I insisted strongly. "I do indeed love her with every fiber of my being, but she is my sister; that is how I see her and I could never view her otherwise."

"Forgive me if I find that a bit odd," he huffed. "I've briefly been in covens before; what I see between you and Ayala is usually indicative of a mate bonding."

"Think logically for a moment Iann," I sighed as I turned once more for the door. "If Little Deer and I were truly mates and I caught the two of you exchanging doe eyed glances at each other, as I often do, I would have already ripped your head off and burned you to ashes." As my hand brushed the door knob I added, "Please be here when my sister and I return from our run. I feel that there will be much for us to discuss, as a family, in the wake of this."

0o0o0o0o0o

When Little Deer finished her chores in the barn, we began our run. I took us in a north westerly direction away from the farm as I had it in mind to take her to a little glen that I discovered during a hunt back when she was still human. The location was very scenic and there was a lovely little beaver pond at the heart of the meadow. It was my favorite tranquil retreat when I needed a place to think.

As we raced along, I took time to enjoy the sight of my sister running beside me. In spite of the fact that she was considerably shorter than me and my stride length was twice what hers was, she had no trouble keeping up with my pace. What she lacked in raw speed and power she more than made up for in grace and agility. She was very much like her namesake; a lithe and nimble little deer.

When we arrived at the meadow, I slowed to a halt. Little Deer's expression was one of pure delight; if her smile went any wider her lovely face would surely crack.

"What a beautiful place, why has my brother never brought me here before?" she asked in a reverent whisper as her eyes continued to take in her surroundings.

"You should see it on a moon lit night when the nocturnal orb's silver luminescence dances like a thousand shimmering butterfly wings over the pond's surface." I turned to her then and answered her question. "I don't know why I never brought you here before now, Little Deer. It was always my intention to do so, but never actually managed it."

We settled into a comfortable silence that lasted for a number of minuets. I leapt nimbly up to my favorite vantage point atop a rocky outcropping and sat down. Little Deer soon joined me and we watched the placid surface of the pond together.

"You have Iann thoroughly convinced that you detest him," I began softly. "I would hope that he isn't correct."

"I like Red Hawk very much," she insisted. "His words are always gently and kindness dances in his golden eyes." She smiled then and, I noticed what I had come to recognize as a blush in both her eyes and her voice. "He tells the most wonderful stories; little people who are no bigger than a groundhog and live under rainbows, the Green Man of the forest, angry water spirits that can take the shape of a horse." She shook her head in wonderment, "So many stories that they make my head spin."

"If you are so fond of him," I continued my gentle probing, "then why did you protest at the suggestion of going hunting with him last night?"

"I did not protest because I dislike hunting with Red Hawk," she answered softly. I watched as she picked up a dry leaf and began playing with it between her fingers. "I protested because I wanted to go hunting with Panther Eyes." She looked up from her fidgeting and the emotion I saw clouding her eyes was sadness. "I miss my brother's company. You do not hunt with me since Red Hawk arrived nor do you run with me or take me for long walks by the stream. We do not play music together in the afternoons and you have stopped teaching me book lessons." She went back to watching the leaf between her fingers. "I only see my brother when he first comes home from the hospital in the morning and before he leaves to go there in the evening. He spends the rest of his day locked away in his study with his books." She paused a moment and then added, "I misses her brother very much."

So that was the source of her distress; she was feeling rejected because I wasn't spending enough time with her. In my defense, however, I was keenly aware of the budding attraction that Iann and Ayala were showing towards each other and I didn't wish to interfere.

I sighed deeply, being the head of this family was much easier when it consisted of only my sister and I. Being cast in the dual roles of brother and leader at the same time was proving difficult, especially since I was still unclear of my feeling regarding Iann or his concerning me. He wasn't a creation of my own venom so I could never see him as a son. I did not yet see him as a brother although I didn't look at him as an outsider any longer either. There was no denying that he was an equal member of our family, I trusted him with Ayala's safety, and I liked him well enough . . . and yet at the same time, I felt ambivalent about him.

"I'm sorry Little Deer," I soothed gently. "I never intended to make you feel rejected. You are my beloved sister, and that shall never ever change. I promise to rectify things between us."

"You will hunt with me again?" she asked shyly.

"Of course I will, I delight in hunting with you," I answered her as I wrapped one arm around her shoulders. In response she leaned in against me. "But if you are truly thirsty and I'm not available, please don't put yourself into a state of distress by waiting for me . . . go hunting with Iann instead. We can always go for a walk or a run later if you simply wish to spend time with me. Besides," I added quietly, "Iann enjoys your company immensely, and it upsets him when you act as though you don't want him around."

"Yes my brother," she answered contritely.

I knew that I had not been at all harsh with her, in fact the opposite was true, but the tone of her response made me feel badly. I shook the feeling off and refocused my thoughts; if I intended to be the shepherd of this forlorn little flock I needed to start thinking and acting like one.

"Feeling better," I inquired.

When she nodded, I unwrapped my arm from her shoulders and stood up. "Then I think we should be heading home now." I offered her my hand and helped her to her feet. "I want the three of us to sit down for a formal council meeting . . . we have much to discuss."

AN: So here we see Carlisle beging the process of developing the skills and mind set he's going to need later on as first Edward and then Esme and the rest join his family. Being the good shepherd is never an easy task; it requires putting others before yourself . . . but who in all the vampire world is more suited to this task than Carlisle.