Ladies and gentlemen, wonderful readers and reviewers, we are back! Ok, just a question, was anybody else wanting to tear their hair out at last night's episode? For a variety of reasons, chief being for me there was NOT enough ass kicking going on? I get that sometimes they have to stand around and just talk and sort things out but REALLY!? The whole damn episode? Hopefully next week's will have some blood spatter going on. Anyway, on the with the show!
Emberka-2012: Yes, Daryl with a baby. It is a memorable sight. And it's good that he was able get through to Rick.
I know, I absolutely love Daryl's attachment to the baby, its so cute. He got through to Rick in that moment, but Rick is definitely still teetering back and forth between reality and fantasy. He's trying to hang on, the group is pulling him one way, but the stress and exhaustion is driving him in another.
WinterIsComing1015: What a great chapter...lots of feels but these were bittersweet instead of just bitter. I LOOOOOVE Daryl with the baby. Look at him go. He DOES luff her :-) he's so comfortable with her, so careful and tentative. And woohoo some sexy time with Fox! Short but OH so sweet and something they both truly NEEDED. But le sigh...I know you, and it wouldn't be Rebell's nature to keep things nice and calm for much more than a chapter...
He luffs her waaaaaay more than he lets on, and that's exactly how it should be. He's gotta have one chink in the bad-ass armor, might as well be her. Mmmmm, not much time for wining, dining, or sexy times in the zombie apocalypse, but they make due where they can, and it was definitely something they both needed. A reaffirmation of their bond and a way to work through the tension and the fear. And of course it wouldn't. The hurricane is about ready to make landfall. Hang on tight guys….hang on.
Kaleiburzz: Goddamn. Fox and Rick... That was stunning. I love it! She's so... Wow. I completely agree with that. It was exactly what Rick needed. I loved how she was immitating Shane to get Rick to play. With Daryl and the baby. Omg, I wanted to squeal like a little Norman Reedus groupie. Ahhhh! So fricken' cute! And holy hell. The sex scene. My head is still in the clouds right now. I'm lovin' the Daryl and Rick not-really-a heart to heart. So Rick is back? Good! This whole crazy Rick in he show right now is driving me up the wall! Update. Immediately.
Fox definitely has her own way of solving problems and trying to get her point across. A lot of time it doesn't work because she can be so rough and abrasive, but in this instance, it was what Rick needed. That scene in the actual show when Rick pinned Glenn against the wall just after Lori died when Glenn tried to talk to him really struck a chord with me. Her playing along as Shane was just stoking the fire in Rick, just to get him past the breaking point. I knowwww, Daryl and the baby, it is criminally cute, and so I have to get as much of that in as possible. And the sexiness with Daryl and Fox. I knew I wanted to get at least one more scene with the two of them in this story, and it was an almost now or never moment for them. As to your question if Rick is back…Rick just has to take it moment by moment. The group is doing what they can to pull him back and make sure he stays within the realm of sanity, but sometimes no amount of pulling in the world can be enough, as you'll see soon enough…
oXxgeorgiaxX0: Aww daryl with the baby is too cute. Xxxx. Can't wait till the next chapter.
I absolutely agree. The moments with Daryl and the baby in the show totally broke my adorable meter, so I added as much of those as I could in my own story.
DancingUnderMoonlight18: I love this chapter and I loooovvveeee Daryl! So much ahahaha. I also really like the relationship between Andrea and Fox. Amazing chapter as always!
I definitely wanted the relationship between Andrea and Fox to have a little bit of a highlight in this chapter. Their similar in certain respects, but Fox is by far more action oriented and more determined to make a decision, even if it might be the wrong one. And she has less guilt and less worries about said decision too, but some of that might be a function of age, she is only 19 after all.
Emerald Gaze: you just made daryl an even more perfect being. i mean it was squeal inducing just seeing him feed the baby in the show but u even had him change the diaper and everything! Daryl: expert hunter/tracker and babysitter/nanny i hope no one sees that bite it'd suck having to explain it oh and i caught up on the episode i missed! it makes me want so badly to see how you handle merle and daryl meeting back up in this!_!
Daryl loves that little girl for sure, and so he wants to be involved with her as much as possible, and if he's the first to wake up when she needs something, he'll take care of her. My adorable meter completely cracked with the feels in the show when he was feeding her, so of course I added as much of that as I could into my story. Mm, Rick and Fox both don't want people to see the bite wound. She doesn't want to have to explain it, because she knows other people won't agree with the way she handled it, and Rick doesn't want the group to know how close to the brink of maybe never coming back he is. Oooooooh, the reuniting of the brothers, I have the scene all planned out, I cannot WAIT to bring it ;-)
FanFicGirl10: Wooooooooooo that was intense! At least Fox tried to help Rick. Yeah i love the smut, aww my heart always melts when Daryl and Fox say i love you to each other. Aww Nanny Daryl is th bext, good that Daryl got through Rick :) Love it, Update Soon!
It was intense. I took cues from the show in how rough it might have gotten after seeing Rick manhandle Glenn in the prison just after Lori died when Glenn tried to get him to come back to the cell block. But Fox is a fighter of course, she'd never take that lying down, even if she somewhat understands why. That's just not who she is. I knowwwwwww, its so cute even when I write it between them, cause both of them are so tough and gritty and so its nice when I can give them that little bit of softness, and Daryl did manage to get through to Rick…in that moment. They ain't out of the woods yet though.
Scared-Heart: Holy crap! Daryl is a baby man! Haha, he and fox would be great parents. That kid would turn out amazing. So the last part of this chapter that Daryl and Rick her conversing, I was freaking out; because i was thinking that Daryl was going to see the bite mark fox gave Rick and think really bad things. Especially since Rick and fox were being very vague about what happened between them.
Daryl is definitely a baby man. After all of the things that happened to him as a kid, it only makes sense that he'd want to do the exact opposite for any kids he comes into contact with, I do think he'd make an excellent father. Fox…Fox would definitely have to get used to being a mother. She's so independent and jealous of her time, I think she would have a harder time adjusting to taking care of a baby. She would, but it'd be more of a stretch for her. But man, just imagine. Daryl's intuition and loyalty combined with Fox's tenacity and wildness? Helluva combo. Mm, they both were being vague for different reasons. Daryl understands that Rick and Fox share a bond that she doesn't have with any other members of camp, but he trusts her completely, and he trusts Rick, but yeah, explaining that bite would be a challenge indeed.
KatlynIreneGlasse: Woo, sorry I didn't review last chapter, I had no WiFi at the time and when I got home I guess it slipped my mind. Oh the feels I loved the Fox Rick action it was great, I love your fight scenes there so detailed and pretty (Pretty as in bloody and gorey) I can't stop reading until its over. Does anyone else find Daryl with babies the cutest thing ever. Ah leaving WiFi in a minute so see ya.- KAT OUT
No worries, I totally understand. Mm, so many feels in this last chapter, echoing all of the feels that have been in the show lately, and it was the perfect opportunity for Fox and Rick to have it out in a way. Sometimes the only way to get through your issues is to just literally beat them out, and Fox perfectly understands this. She's definitely more of a physical being, and she doesn't mind taking a risk to help someone she cares about. Yes. Daryl with a baby is by far the cutest thing EVER. Ever.
Senora Sapphire: Oh my god I love this story! It's so good and I love the way you portrayed Daryl! He's just such a redneck badass :) haha and I love Fox! She's freaking awesome! Everytime I watch an episode I'm like waiting for her to come on XD haha but seriously if they ever read these they need to have Fox just randomly come in and be all like "Daryl I'm hereeee!" Haha I love Daryl and the baby :) he's such a sweet heart to her :) I can't wait until you update!
Well hi there, nice to see a new reviewer drop in. I really did my best to keep Daryl and the other members of the group in character as well, I wanted my story to be as 'legitimate' as possible, so there could be some credibility when I go tweaking things with my own OC and my own plot, and I'm so glad you like Fox. I wrote her initially to be unlikeable, but people have taken to her anyway, so I'm really glad for that =) You're not the only one to say they wish Fox was an actual character on the show and that just makes my writer's heart squeal with happiness. I think I'd die of pure amazement if Fox was ever on the show, even as just a guest character or something. And of course if she shacked up with Daryl…well…wouldn't that just be the icing on my dream cake eh? XD. Daryl really is a huge pile of fluffy marshmallow sweetness when it comes to the baby, I just can't resist having as much of it as possible in the story. Thanks again for your review, it always makes my day to see them in my inbox, especially new ones!
The next morning Daryl was woken to the sound of the baby crying. He was starting to get the feeling that this was going to be a repeat occurrence, but without aggravation he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes on the heels of his hands. His back was protesting against the stiffness of the floor but he ignored it as he maneuvered around the sleeping heads of his companions and reached inside the box where the baby slept.
"Easy little ass kicker." He murmured, his palm on the baby's chest and belly, assuring her of his presence before he took his hand away to get up to his feet and pick up the box before carrying her to the table, going through the same routine he had last night, walking in an almost blind haze while he nursed her.
"Oh the shit my brother would give me if he could see me now." He said through a yawn. "But he ain't here no more, just like always." He continued. "Not like you care though, s'long as you got someone holding you." He actually found himself almost laughing at the insanity of it all. Barely a year ago he and Merle were two wolves looking for a herd of sheep to take advantage of as they survived in a world without rules. And now he was cuddling another man's baby, cooing like a teenage girl. "And you're worth it, aren'tcha, you little ass kicker." He rubbed his nose against her cheek, enjoying the milky sweet smell of her skin.
"And the illusion continues to shatter."
He turned and saw Andrea getting up from her sleeping bag. He rolled his eyes but he couldn't help the sheepish smile that toyed with his mouth. She approached and he carefully passed her the baby, handing her the bottle too before she could make a fuss.
"Well not really actually." Andrea continued as she rocked the baby gently in her arms. "You will recall Virginia."
Daryl felt a hot flush go up the back of his neck. "Yeah, yeah." He muttered as he sat back on the table, yawning again, wishing like hell for a good dose of coffee or really anything that had caffeine. That was another thing they needed to start thinking about. They had shelter for the moment, but their supply of food was dangerous low. They hadn't checked the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat here but Daryl was betting it was already gone or rancid at this point. He'd have to worry about it later.
"The last time I remember holding a baby was when Amy was born." Andrea said softly. "I was twelve and at first I was so pissed at my parents cause I liked being an only child and I didn't really feel like having to share. But then the first time I held her… I knew better." She looked over at him, a quiet smile in her eyes. He returned a similar expression and then looked at Rick who was sleeping on the floor next to his son, his fingers twitching in his sleep.
"He ain't out of the woods yet. But he'll come through soon." Daryl murmured softly.
"I hate knowing where he's at but not being able to reach him." Andrea replied as she too watched Rick. Daryl sensed that he had an opportunity to make some headway about a situation that had been bothering him for a long time. For a while he'd just pushed it down to the bottom of his ever increasing list of things he had to do, but now that he could breathe and nobody else was awake he had the chance.
"Andrea. I know you don't agree with the way Rick and Fox handled Shane. But did he ever say anything. Anything that would explain what happened?" He looked at her steadily, gauging her reaction. At first her blue eyes said she was indignant that he would bring Shane up, but then they softened and grew almost sad.
"Once." She said softly. "We had just…you know." She shifted slightly and readjusted the baby in her arms. "And afterwards he asked if I wanted to go with him. That he had a place we could go and we'd be safe there. I asked where and he wouldn't tell me, and I said I wouldn't go with him. He never said another word about it. I never asked him about it, but I always wondered if he was serious or blowing smoke." She paused and looked at him carefully. "You think he had something to do with what happened in New York?"
Daryl nodded. "Maybe he knew those men. Maybe he told those men to come for us because he had turned against Rick."
Andrea's eyes narrowed. "No. Even if Shane had hated him that badly, would he have put Lori and Carl at risk like that? It doesn't make sense."
Daryl rolled his shoulders. "I just got a bad feeling, whatever caused them to attack us…it ain't over yet. And if they find us again…it ain't gonna go well."
Andrea shifted the baby in her arms and fell silent. At that particular moment the rest of the group began to shift and wake up, including Rick who sat up very slowly as though he had a helluva hangover. Daryl knew that Lori's body was still on the other side of the cafeteria and that she had to be buried soon. Hopefully Rick had calmed down, and stayed down, enough to consent to it. He looked up past Rick and towards Fox who was stretching, her back arched in a sharp curve off the floor as her hands waved around looking for him but as soon as she sat up and pushed her hair out of her face she saw him and smiled a little, mostly in her eyes. He returned her look before sliding off the table and heading into the kitchen at the back of the cafeteria. Time to scrounge for breakfast. He was pursued by quiet footsteps and he turned to see Glenn following at his heels. Together the two of them picked through all of the cardboard boxes, cupboards, and closets but in the end found exactly nothing.
"Damn. I was sure there'd be something here." Glenn said wearily. He leaned on one of the counters and kicked his foot against the baseboard in anger.
"Shoulda known." Daryl muttered. "The windows of this place were all boarded up. People were here, they probably ate everything and then pulled out."
Glenn rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, still bloody from yesterday's battle after the supply run for the baby. "Yeah well what are we gonna do now? We barely made a dent in that herd, Daryl. We barely got out with our lives, and if they come all the way here they could rip this place to the ground."
It wasn't lost on him that Glenn was giving him the same expression that he used to give to Rick. A soldier looking at his leader. It made the hunter's insides shift uneasily but there wasn't much he could do. He had to do what Rick had trusted him to do, which was keep the group safe and provide for them if he was out.
No pay raise or bonuses with this gig. He thought to himself.
"First we bury Lori. Then we run patrols and see how bad the situation with the herd is. They might have dispersed at this point. If they have, we go for supplies and bring them back here. If the herd comes this way, we pull out."
"With a new baby? Crying every four hours to be fed? Daryl, we wouldn't get ten miles without a whole herd of Walkers following us." Glenn insisted.
Daryl narrowed his eyes at the kid. "If the herd finds us and we're here when the ax comes down, we'll get ripped to pieces. We're running out of bullets kid, and only about half our group can really handle hand to hand combat without running the risk of getting bitten or whacking off a hand by mistake. And when shit hits the fan, I'd rather be on the move than trapped here."
Glenn bit his fingers into the countertop but eventually nodded. "Alright. Now we've got a grave to dig."
Daryl nodded and followed the kid back into the main cafeteria. Rick was up and holding the baby, Carl right at his side, watching over everything carefully. As soon as the sheriff saw Daryl approach he passed Carl the baby and met Daryl's eyes.
"Anything?" he asked.
"Nope. Whoever was here before cleaned it out. We've got half a days food and water left. I say we do what needs to be done here and then go for a run."
Rick sighed heavily and got up to his feet. He wandered away out of the cafeteria and down the hall. Fox tried to follow him but Daryl touched her wrist and shook his head. He picked up his jacket and shrugged into the material and then slid his crossbow around his shoulders before walking out of the cafeteria as well. He followed Rick at a long distance and watched the man go for the vehicles and return with a shovel and aimlessly walked towards a patch of grass and started digging into the ground, cracking through the ice and shoveling the soil away. Daryl went to the car as well and retrieved the second shovel and began to help which caused Rick to pause and stare at him.
"What are you doing?" the man asked.
Daryl huffed a breath and shoveled another large mound of earth out of the ground. "No reason you should do all the heavy lifting by yourself." He returned to his work as did Rick and within an hour they had a deep grave dug. Rick leaned against the shovel, his shoulders and arms shaking but Daryl knew it wasn't from physical weakness. He found himself at a loss for words but he waited until Rick was able to stand up on his own and walk back to the cars to replace the shovels. Daryl followed silently and again at a distance. He was only there to make sure Rick didn't go to pieces, didn't go somewhere that he couldn't be brought back from. When Rick came back into the cafeteria Carol had the baby in her arms, bundled up tightly in several layers of blankets. Daryl motioned for Glenn to come with him as he and Rick walked towards Lori's carefully wrapped body but as they moved to help Rick lift her, the sheriff glared at them all, a very clear warning to back up. Glenn followed Daryl's lead as he did so and Rick carefully lifted Lori up into his arms and began to walk away with her. Daryl motioned for the rest of the group to follow. Carl stayed at his father's side, and Daryl could see the kid struggling not to cry. He didn't blame him; one of the only things he'd counted on was gone and now his dad wasn't doing so hot either. Beneath the sadness he could see the pressure on the kid's shoulder, trying to step up and take care of his little sister and be what his father needed him to be. It was a lot for a kid so young to handle, and Daryl knew instinctively that Carl really wasn't a kid anymore. Something had changed in him last night. The piece of him that was still clinging to the innocence of his childhood was gone. He moved almost like a soldier. Stiff, controlled, wrenched down and forced into submission. Daryl knew all too well how that felt.
Rick led them to the grave they'd dug and when he reached it, Daryl and Glenn moved to help him lower her down into the earth. At first Rick resisted but eventually he relented, jumping down into the grave and then allowing Glenn and Daryl to pass her body to him. He lowered her down and peeled the sheet back from her pale face and pulled the locket off from around her neck and held it in his bloody palm. He leaned down to kiss her cold cheek a final time, squeezing his eyes shut, and Daryl at first was afraid that he would lose himself again. But at last the man looked up and pulled himself out of the grave, refusing the offered hands from Daryl and Glenn. At first no one moved and no one spoke, they all just pulled in close and were silent, trying their best to understand how this had happened, how they were supposed to keep going, and trying to reason their way out of the fear that the life they had tried so hard to build for each other was being ripped away piece by piece.
"It doesn't matter." Fox said quietly. "It doesn't matter how many of us die. Or who or when or where or what for. We will fight until the last man is standing. And if they kill the last one of us, we can say we went down fighting. It's the only thing we have left to honor those that we lost."
Rick crouched down and dug his hand into the cold, damp earth and tossed it into the grave. Carl did the same, and then one by one, as they had done for Sophia and Dale, they all pushed and packed the earth in over Lori until the grave was filled in. Daryl could see the rest of the group struggling with trying to find words to say, not wanting to leave Rick but understanding that there was a boundary there that couldn't be crossed right now. One by one they walked away, Carl being the last, lingering by his father's side long after everyone else had gone. It was Daryl to go back for the boy, motioning for him to follow.
"Come on. We got work we have to do." Daryl said.
Carl nodded and got up to his feet, leaving his father by the grave, following the hunter at his side. It was time to treat the kid like he was a capable member of the group. Like he had a place besides just Rick and Lori's son. He had earned it last night, and he deserved that recognition.
"What are we gonna do about the food situation?" Carl asked as they slowly made their way back up the sloping grassy hill towards the school.
"Organize a patrol and go for a run. Figure I'd take you, me, Fox, and Andrea." He glanced down at the kid who he noticed had his pistol in his hand, pointed safely at the ground, but his finger was on the trigger already. "Unless you wanna stay here." He offered the option in case he was worried about Rick and didn't want to leave him alone.
"No, I'll go." Carl insisted. "Hopefully Dad won't freak out."
Kid, your dad's on the ship that has been done sailed to crazy town. That's the last of your worries.
He didn't say it though. "He won't. He'll be proud of you when you bring home dinner." He tilted his head and silently they walked back into the cafeteria. They all instinctively turned towards him and he did his best not to feel the pressure of all their eyes, looking for a familiar pair of green gem cut irises to soothe him. When he found her gaze he told her silently that she had said the right thing at Lori's grave, the thing they'd all been struggling to say out loud but hadn't had the guts to promise by speaking it. She responded with a look in kind, a look that said she was proud of him although for what he wouldn't really know.
"Alright, here's the plan. Me, Carl, Andrea, and Fox we're going on a run for food and water. The rest of you stay here and clean up and see if you can't make this place livable. We should be back before dark. Get your stuff and let's move out, Maggie I'm taking your car, does better on gas."
The brunette nodded and tossed him the keys before turning back to Glenn to start helping him drag some of the Walker bodies away, leaving streaks and smears of blood on the floor. Carl wandered off into a corner to get another clip of ammo and a knife and Carol approached Daryl, still holding the baby in her arms.
"You sure that's a good idea? Taking Carl out on a run when Rick is…" she trailed off worriedly.
"Rick will get through this, but he needs to figure it out on his own, and Carl needs a job to do. He can handle himself." Daryl could see where she was coming from. She was a mother who had lost her child, and Carl wasn't any older than Sophia had been and in many ways still looked like a little kid. But he wasn't a boy anymore. He'd lost that during the night, and no amount of coddling or letting him go stir crazy with menial jobs was going to change it. The only thing to do now was to teach him to be useful and how to work efficiently with the other members of the group.
"Just be careful." Carol said softly and Daryl nodded to her before motioning to his group to follow him. When they left the cafeteria Daryl looked out across the wide grassy field and saw Rick hadn't moved from beside Lori's grave. He forced himself to turn away and keep going.
What else could they do?
Coming back to base camp empty handed was really the last thing Philip had wanted to do. He'd sworn up and down, left and right, here to fucking Houston, that he could get the weapon back. He could get it back, as well as any information that had come with it on its use. And now here he was crawling back home, tail between his legs, over a dozen men dead and as many more injured. It was a grim situation but what could he do? Those slippery bastards had fled into the woods, and even with Merle tracking them, they'd gotten as far as a run down cabin with a freshly dug grave out back and tire tracks leading onto the highway. Trying to run them down with the vehicles would just waste gasoline and food. They had no choice but to return to camp. They needed better gear if they really wanted to track these bitches down. Of course now he had to explain that to the doctor…and so it was with some trepidation that Philip tapped on his boss's door. The base was a flurry of activity already as Philip had given the preemptive orders to start packing up the gear to get ready to go, but he needed the boss's permission first.
The door cracked open and Philip did his best to smooth over his expression into calmness. In truth he felt a little bit like he was walking the plank of a ship during a storm, and a sea of sharks was waiting for him down below, but he couldn't let the doctor know that. The man was already unstable…overworked, overstressed, running on everything but decent food and sleep. Philip had seen the deterioration day by day, driving his boss deeper and deeper into some dark place that he wasn't sure he could ever be brought back from. His gun was strapped to his leg and he was thankful for the full clip as the doctor swung the door open to let him in, closing it behind him with a sharp snap.
"Spare me your excuses, Philip, I know you failed the mission." The man went back behind his desk, took a swig from a bottle of wine and then began to pour over the papers and open books on the table, flipping pages and striking sentences with a red marker as he went, hardly even acknowledging Philip's presence.
"I came to ask permission for the helicopters. It's the only way we're going to find them now." Philip said calmly. His fingers were twitching, trying to restrain themselves from going for the gun strapped to his leg. The nervous tension between the two men was building, despite the doctor's apparent distracted state. Philip knew better. He had a way with these situations, smelling men's true intentions and motives right from the off. Its why his manipulation of Shane had been so easy. Shane was a simple creature, driven by intense emotions of inadequacy, jealousy, and anger. Merle wasn't a complicated man either, though perhaps more canny than Shane ever was. Philip reasoned that if Shane hadn't checked in by now, the man must have died. It was of no concern of his, other than the fact that he now had no one to tell him where the group would go next. According to Merle, this Rick Grimes was their group's leader, the one calling the shots, but Merle hadn't known the man but an hour or two on a rooftop in Atlanta, not enough to know where they would go, hell, if they had anywhere to go. But the doctor…the doctor was different. The doctor's reactions couldn't be predicted, because somewhere between ninety percent of the country's population become biters and the demise of his family and the loss of the only chance he'd had to stop the outbreak…he had lost his mind and now the only thing holding him to any kind of rationality was this one in a million chance to recover the weapon. If it had been up to Philip, he'd of written him off as a causality of war and put him out of his misery long ago, but he was the only one who had any chance of solving this thing, and so he was absolutely necessary.
"Why should I?" the doctor demanded, staring up from his paperwork and looking at Philip, two sets of eyes meeting, both alike in relentless determination, but the ability to plan behind them was at two very different places.
"We need the weapon, right?" Philip tried to reason, keeping his voice light, and not allowing the severe frustration coursing through his veins to come to the surface. The doctor was a loose cannon, he'd had people dragged off to execution for minor slights in the past, Philip didn't want to be another on that ever growing list. "We know they're traveling in vehicles. Going by air is the only way we'll ever have any chance of finding them."
The doctor turned away and stared back down at the papers. At first Philip thought maybe he had made a little bit of headway in his request but all of a sudden the doctor lunged, throwing books and papers off the desk, grabbing the bottle of wine and flinging it at Philip's head. The man ducked, dropping to the floor, instinctively going for his gun, but before he could get up, the doctor already had his silver pistol out, aiming it straight at Philip's face.
"I trusted you!" the doctor hissed, an expression of pain, betrayal, and rage coating his features. "I trusted you and you failed! Again!"
Philip but both hands out onto the carpet and very slowly got up to his knees, still watching the doctor very carefully. Inch by inch he carefully got up to his feet, still holding his hands out, not going for his gun, knowing it would set the man off. He took a long breath in and exhaled deeply, beginning to wonder if it might be one of the last breaths he ever took. His entire body was tingling with that acute sense one only ever had right before they were about to die. He forced his voice to remain calm and steady even as the doctor tightened his grip on the pistol.
"My inside man was killed, probably by one of their own, there was nothing I could do to control that. The only thing I can do now is return to the field and recover what was taken from us. But I need the choppers to do it."
"And get more men killed is that it?" the doctor snapped. "I read the reports. Twelve dead, another twelve injured, including your lieutenant?" He slammed the gun down onto the desk, sending another stack of papers flying everywhere and Philip couldn't help but jump a little. Fortunately the pistol didn't go off, he might have been hit otherwise, but when the doctor looked up at him, there was a light in his eye that spoke of a very clear departure from reality.
"You…you have proven to be less capable than even my lab rats! Why do I leave you in charge of anything?" he snarled.
Philip shifted a little, his instinct to go for his gun barely suppressed. "When there are circumstances outside of our control, what is it exactly that you would have me do? I led a full on raid against their camp, but they escaped into the woods and fled the area. I left men bleeding in the dirt to pursue our enemies! I did the best that I could do. I'm confident that with the choppers we can find this group, and we can take back what is ours, and get revenge on those who have wronged us." He dared to approach the doctor who was still leaning on the desk, his shoulders shaking with either barely suppressed rage or pure insanity, both were highly dangerous.
"I want them alive! You hear me! I want them alive!" A silver flash burned through the harsh lights of the room as the doctor took his pistol and flung it at Philip as hard as he could. The man stepped out of the way of the blow, turned, and left the room, leaving the doctor to howl with rage, crashing and banging in his office as though he could physically rip it down with his bare hands. Philip actually wouldn't put it past him to try. He walked down the hall, not meeting anybody's eyes, going down into the common area and seeking out Merle who was just putting away his tray from breakfast. His ankle was still heavily bandaged from where he'd been stabbed in the raid but if it caused him pain he gave no indication. He turned to face his commander who motioned for him to follow.
"What's our time frame on leaving the base?" Philip demanded as they went back down the hall towards the dorms.
"Less than an hour. Boys are still fueling the choppers and loading up the vehicles." Merle replied. He tilted his head as he looked at Philip, noting the way he seemed on edge. It gave him a bit of comfort to know that he had a knife in the hand that was tucked into his pocket, in case the man decided to lose his temper.
"Good. As soon as they're ready, come and find me. We're pulling out as soon as they can get those birds in the air."
Merle nodded as they stopped outside Philip's door. "How do you intend to find these guys? I mean they could have gone anywhere. There's a lot of country out there for even helicopters to cover."
Philip looked at him, a menacing darkness curling through his eyes and jaw. It made Merle take a pace or two back to give them both more breathing room, but even that did very little to separate the tension.
"We know the vehicles they have. Spring is almost here, the biters are up and moving, they can't stay in one place too long. They'll be on the move. We'll find them." Philip growled. His eyes were narrowed. "You're the closest thing I have to an inside man now. Where the hell would they go?"
Merle shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Hell if I know. Last that I heard from Shane, Rick's bitch Lori was due to pop soon with his kid. They won't be running around too much after that, but if you want my best guess, follow the freaking herds. The herds always know where there's food. Those bastards track better than a bloodhound after a bitch in heat."
Merle tilted his head. "Good idea." He murmured quietly. He put his hand on Merle's shoulder. "It's good to have a man like you around."
Merle's lips twitched into a thin grin. "Mm, anything I can do to help." He said before Philip ducked into his room, leaving Merle alone in the hall. He walked back down to his own room and it was only after the door was closed that he unclenched his fingers from the knife in his pocket.
"Damn you little brother, damn you." He growled as he leaned against the door. "You're gonna get yourself and me killed and for what? For fucking what." Because this time there would be no mercy. No quarter. Philip would kill every last one of them just so their nuisance would stop and to pacify the slavering lunatic doctor upstairs. Merle didn't much care for either of their agendas, all he really wanted now was to collect Daryl in one piece and then get the hell out of here. He'd been hoping to make a clean getaway during the raid on camp, but no, instead he got a knife in the ankle from a redhead bitch, the one Shane had claimed to be screwing Daryl royally. He was looking forward getting reacquainted with her, this time seeing how she liked a knife through the ankle. Daryl would just have to understand. These people…they weren't blood. They were lying cowards who had taken Daryl for a ride for far too long, and now it was up to big brother to come in and clean up the mess.
"Sides little brother, there's always more pussy." He muttered. He stood back up from against the door and grabbed his bag off his bunk and swung it over his shoulder. Time to go to work.
"There must be hundreds of them."
All of their backs were against a wall, crouched down behind a corner of a brick building, their supply bags loaded down with food and water. They'd managed to find a grocery store that hadn't been completely looted of all its canned goods, and Daryl was starting to realize why. This place was completely overrun with Walkers. It looked like the whole damn town had been infected and was now just looking for something else to eat. This place must have fallen fast judging by the amount of the supplies left. Daryl was realizing more and more that they couldn't stay here. Even if the school did offer some measure of security, the herds would eventually find them, and rip them to pieces.
"Where do we go now? They're between us and the car!" Carl panted, his fingers shaking on his pistol. Daryl's mind spun rapidly, trying to figure out how to get the group across the parking lot and the highway safely where they'd left the vehicles.
"Nobody panic!" Andrea hissed. "That solves nothing."
Fox dared to peek around the corner that they were hiding behind. The entire parking lot was swarmed with shuffling corpses, bloody, ice crusted feet dragging the pavement, some of them so weak that they were reduced to crawling on their bellies, scraping skin off of on the asphalt as they did so. The herd in the parking lot in itself wasn't the problem, the problem was the oncoming herd right at the next building over that was coming to hem them in rapidly. The gap they had to go for the vehicles was very quickly disappearing, and the longer they waited, the worse it was going to be.
"Got no choice. Run for the car, we'll mow them down on our way out, so what." Fox hissed. She loosened her kukri knives from her belt and looked at her companions, locking eyes with Daryl last. The unspoken words there were clear. They might die within the next sixty seconds, and she wanted the last pair of living eyes she locked with to be his. She pulled her gaze away and made to dart out from their hiding place but Carl snatched her wrist at the last second, forcing her back.
"What the hell are you doing? You can't just go tearing off out there!" the boy hissed, his other hand clenched tight on his pistol.
"You wanna wait for those two groups to get together and have a party with us as the main course?" Fox hissed as she jerked her arm out of Carl's grasp.
Daryl double checked their was a bullet in the chamber of his thirty eight before giving them his attention. "She's right. We got no choice. Move, now!" he ordered.
They darted out from behind the corner and tried to move as stealthy as they could but in the end the herds noticed them right away. With a hissing choking throttle of air in their ruined lungs the corpses lunged towards them, stretching out filthy hands, bones peeking out from ice worn skin.
"Andrea!" Daryl yelled as they were immediately surrounded and cut off as they tried to reach the other side of the lot. The blonde woman didn't waste time and raised her handgun, popping off several fast, accurate shots, clearing the tiniest amount of room for them. Carl raised his weapon as well and fired on the move but the bullet went wide and struck a Walker in the shoulder. Fox lunged and struck the creature down, whacking off its head and jumping over the fallen body.
Daryl swung his crossbow forward and fired just as another corpse got in their way. He snatched the arrow free of the skull and twisted wildly, stabbing another monster through the eye, the gelatinous ball of fluid splattering on the metal tip. Carl darted around Daryl's legs and shot again, this time taking a Walker out cleanly.
"Come on!" Andrea shouted. They bolted, dodging and slashing and shooting as they went, feet scraping against the concrete as ran for their lives. Their feet drummed like horses hooves as they moved, colors and stains on the ground blurring into one as they tried to stay upright and keep moving. The only thing in solid focus was the car but Daryl's heart lurched hard when he saw that the vehicle was being assailed by more Walkers.
Fox plunged in first, striking a head with her kukri blade, sending blood and guts spattering across the hood of the car while Daryl shot another arrow from his bow and took the one by the door out. Andrea was offering cover fire as he snatched his arrow free and threw the supplies into the back.
"Carl! Let's go!" Daryl yelled as he piled into the car while the kid ran around the other side as Andrea and Fox dove inside, limbs and hair tangling. Fox lunged back and snatched Carl by the shoulder, dragging him inside as Daryl hit the gas while Walkers clawed for them as Andrea reached back to tug the door away from them. A hand was ripped free of its wrist as the tires finally grabbed asphalt and plunged the car forward. Daryl jerked the wheel hard, swerving to try and avoid a whole mob of geeks but the car nearly fishtailed and struck the edge of the group with the back bumper, causing bones to snap and blood to gush as he ran over another body. He kept his foot to the accelerator as everyone else tried to disentangle themselves.
"Everybody ok?" he asked when they'd cleared the shopping center and left the herd in the dust.
"Yeah…yeah we're ok." Fox panted as she leaned against the front seat, her fingers biting into the upholstery as she tried to catch her breath.
"I vote we don't do that again." Andrea said dryly as she pushed her messy blonde hair out of the way as she and Carl readjusted themselves and all of the bags of supplies in the back seat.
"I second that." Carl agreed.
The rest of the drive was spent mostly in silence but everyone was relieved when they showed up at the school. Daryl half expected Rick to come and greet them the same way he had when he, Maggie, and Glenn had come back last night but it was Fox who piled out to throw the gate open for the car, and quickly shut it again as soon as they were through. When they came running through the halls of the school they noticed that almost all of the Walker bodies had been cleared, and much of the blood had been wiped away as well. They went down into the cafeteria to find the rest of the group huddled around one of the tables against the cold but everyone jumped up when they heard them coming.
"You find anything?" Maggie asked as she quickly moved to help take some of the bags and set them out on the table.
"Not a lot, we'll have to go for more within a day or so. But its something." Andrea replied. They set the cans out and Carol moved to start assembling something that looked like dinner and Daryl was grateful to take the baby and tuck her into his chest. He always felt calmer when he had a hold of her, as if when he had her in his arms the world slowed down for a minute and he could just breathe.
"Where's Rick?" Andrea asked as they began to dish out the chow.
"Outside." Glenn answered. He cautiously looked over at Daryl as he spoke. "He hasn't been in since this morning."
Daryl didn't respond at first. He wanted so badly to just stay where he was until he could get something to eat and then lay back down until the baby began to cry again, but he could feel the eyes on him. Why in the hell they were all looking at him for an answer he didn't know, but he could hear Fox's words echoing in his skull, and so he reluctantly passed Maggie the baby before sliding off the table and throwing his jacket back over his shoulders.
He found Rick wandering out at the edge of the fence, aimlessly stumbling along shaking his head back and forth, and Daryl was sure that he could see ice crusting on the edges of the man's coat, but that wasn't what disturbed him most. What disturbed him most was when he was close enough to hear Rick's voice.
"Lori…what am I supposed to do?" He paused and sucked in a deep breath, letting his fingers curl around the chain link of the border fence. "No, you know I can't do that. I can't…Lori…come back please…come back inside, stay with me, we'll talk this out. It's ok."
"Lori don't walk away like that! What about Carl? We can work this out, we've done it before…please!"
Daryl backed away slowly, not giving his presence away to the man. He turned on his heel and hurried back inside and went directly up to Benjamin who was scraping the inside of a can of tuna clean. He didn't need to speak, Benjamin set his can aside and got up to follow Daryl towards the doors of the cafeteria so they could speak in private.
"I think there's something wrong with Rick." Daryl said urgently, shooting his eyes over towards Carl who was eating with Carol, Glenn, and Maggie.
"How, is he hurt?" Benjy asked quietly.
"No…least I don't think so. He's…I think he's seeing something that's not there. I went to go talk to him and he was talking to Lori." Daryl's shoulders twitched. He'd seen men go crazy before, and it almost never ended well. Whatever was happening to Rick, Daryl didn't want it to go on any longer.
"Spouses do that." Benjamin said softly with a careful glance at Carl out of the corner of his eye, folding his arms over his chest. "They'll talk to their loved ones like they're still there. Its part of grieving."
"No, I think this is different. He's talking like she's actually there." Daryl looked down at the medic questioningly.
Benjamin ran a hand through his tussled blonde hair and sighed heavily. "Look, I'm not a psychiatrist, ok? There's not much I can do for him. You can't talk someone out of crazy. Or beat it out of them." He shot a dangerous sort of look in Fox's direction who at the moment had her back turned.
"What the hell do you mean by that?" Daryl growled. Benjy's next statement had his voice thick with his New York accent, and his nervousness was clearly written all over his face.
"Last night, while you and Maggie and Glenn were out, she went to 'talk' to him." He scraped his foot against the ground and carefully maneuvered a little further away from Daryl. "I heard metal banging so I went to look and I saw them fighting. Swinging their knives at each other like they were going to kill each other. I don't know what she was trying to do, I don't really care. Whatever Rick is going through…we can't help him."
Daryl's eyes narrowed. "That's bullshit." He snarled.
Benjamin crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him pointedly. "Oh really? Go out and talk to him, see how far you get. He jumped the crazy train, Daryl. He is as good as gone. I have nothing I can give him to turn him back to the way he was before Lori died. I did my best to save her, I talked to both her and Rick before the baby was born, I warned them how dangerous it was, given Lori's history with Carl's birth. I warned them there was a good chance she wouldn't make it. I tried to get Rick to understand, to brace for it. The only thing I could do now is drug him to the gills, and then he's no use to us. At least right now he can still shoot straight. But there is a very good possibility we may have to restrain him, incase he looses what's left of his mind and turns on us."
Daryl's jaw tightened. "He'd never do that. Ever. You don't know him." He growled.
"You think he wouldn't? I saw him try to kill your girlfriend last night!" he hissed. "Granted I think Fox baited him into it, I think she was asking for trouble, and I think you are too if you go out there! I hate to see Rick like this just as much as the rest of us, but you just have to accept the fact that right now he's gone. He's gone and there is nobody here that is going to bring him back right now."
Daryl stared at the man long and hard, trying to find the words for what he was feeling, which was a deep, deep sense of suspicion, disbelief, and worry. Benjamin seemed to sense this and took another pace back to give the man room to breathe before speaking again.
"For what its worth, I think Rick will pull through. He just needs time to sort through what happened. He has tremendous guilt about what happened, that he couldn't patch it up with Lori before she died. That he hurt her by killing Shane. That Carl was the one to put her down and not him. I do know him, Daryl. More than you think."
The hunter's expression softened slightly. There were no words, but there was a question there and Benjamin understood.
"I had a family once too. I left my parents for dead in the city and ran for my life. Sure, I can tell myself I'd of died if I hadn't of left when I did. I can tell myself it was what my parents would have wanted. But at the end of the day, I ran. I ran and I'm sure they're somewhere in Manhattan wandering around with blood down their faces and bones sticking through their skin. All the logic in the world doesn't change the guilt. You just learn to swallow it and move on. That's all Rick's doing. Let him. He knows we're here. He'll come back." He turned to walk away but Daryl reached and grabbed his upper arm before he could do so.
"How do you know?"
Benjamin tilted his head and almost rolled his eyes as he extracted his arm from the hunter's grip. "His kids are here. There's only one thing stronger than the bond between a man and his love, and that's between him and his offspring. It's just human nature."
The sun had long since fallen behind the horizon, pitching the school into deep darkness broken only by the cold moonlight. The grass was slick with heavy dew and ice and the temperature had taken a sharp plunge. Rick had become numb to the cold hours ago. He was vaguely aware that his body was stiff and aching, but it seemed inconsequential. He'd spent the whole day roaming the grounds, sometimes seeing Lori and sometimes seeing nothing. He heard voices echoing inside his mind, Lori's voice, her accusatory tone she always used to get when she believed she was right and she was not going to budge one damn inch. As much as that frustrated him, it was one of those little things that he loved too. It had been one of the first things he'd noticed about her all those years ago.
"We were so young then, Lori. Shane tried once to tell me that it was a mistake. That we should have just waited and seen how it went. But I was tired of sneaking around. I wanted to do right by you. I wanted to marry you, I wanted to be with you until we both died. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't mean all those things I said…you have to know I didn't. I never meant those things I said…"
He could see her standing just outside the fence, dressed in clothes meant for a much warmer climate. She approached him slowly, her hands at the edge of the pockets of her jeans. She smiled for him a little and held her hand out through the fence, her fingertips brushing his.
"I know." She murmured. "I know you didn't." Her smile faded, but he could feel the heat in her hand and he leaned his body against the fence, numb to the rest of the world. This was all that mattered. It was safe here. She was alive, there was no death, it was even warm.
A sudden gust of wind snapped against his skin and his eyes fluttered. The scene around him shattered and his eyes blinked and Lori had vanished. He sucked in a deep breath of the cold air and leaned against the fence again, the chilly metal pressing against his clammy skin.
"Rick…it's not real." He heard his own voice say it, but somehow he had a hard time believing it. "If it were real…it's just not. You know its not."
But why couldn't it be real? It was as real to him as dead people walking around trying to kill them. It was as real as the pain in his neck from another woman's teeth tearing a piece of his flesh off. It was as real as the weight of the python strapped to his thigh. It was as real as anything else he'd seen since crawling out of the tomb of the hospital in King's county and finding the world devastated.
"But it's not. It's not real. If it were real she'd be alive. And you know she isn't."
The talking was the only thing holding him to reality, or any semblance thereof. Otherwise it would be too damn tempting to sink down into his fantasies and forget everything else. It would be so easy. In his fantasies, Lori was still alive and Carl was still innocent. Nothing had happened and he wouldn't have to feel the guilt and responsibility for people's lives.
He looked down at the ground beneath his feet and at the corner of his eye he caught the sight of the python. The pieces of silver that weren't covered by the holster gleamed like ice in the cold moonlight and he carefully withdrew the weapon. He could tell by the weight it was fully loaded, and he gently spun the chamber, long practiced fingers flicking the metal with ease. The clicking was pleasing to him and he carefully raised it, aiming at nothing in particular through the fence. His eyes followed the gleam of the barrel and landed eventually on the gym just outside the fence. But beyond that, he saw something moving in the trees headed. He stood there only a moment longer, his entire body clenched in horror as a herd several hundred strong kicked their way through the icy underbrush, headed straight for the fence. He turned his head and saw them sweeping around towards the entrance gate as well, but when he started backing up, he saw Lori standing just outside the fence, gazing at him with a firm look. The one she used to give him when he looked at her for confirmation, for assurance he was doing the right thing.
"Go." She murmured.
He turned on his heel and ran, bolting back up to the school. He shook his head as he did, shivering and shaking, grateful for the fence but fearing for all their lives, knowing just how low they were on bullets and how many of the monsters they had to get through before they could get to the highway.