Chapter 35

Xander and his two surviving friends chewed third-rate cashews out of absurdly small packages as their very own private jet- it was loaned by Zeus, of course; they would never bother trying to steal something that big when they couldn't fly it anyway.

Willard had been taking advantage of the watered wine the king of gods had outfitted the craft with and was now sufficiently drunk enough to both appreciate the sheer improbability of Hera's heartless curse and use the opportunity to make life hell for his younger pal.

"Xander, man, did I ever tell you about that time this horny bridesmaid dragged me into a closet at this wedding I crashed?" Dani guffawed. "She was a cougar, bro. A cougar. If ya catch my drift." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You're gonna have to be my wingman someday, X-Man. The X-Wingman!"

Dani jumped in. "X-Wingman is appropriate."

Willard's eyes widened in mock-horror and he slurred an apology. "Dude, dude, dude, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot that you were…." He leaned in and whispered loudly in a falsely confidential sense. "…a virgin."

Dani added cheerfully, "For life!"

Xander buried his head in his hands to hide the blush tinting his cheeks. "I'm fourteen! How many people lose it at fourteen?"

Willard took a cocky swig from his bottle. "Cougars, man."

Alarmed, the country bumpkin looked at the older boy. "That's so illegal I can't even-"

Dani interrupted him with a loud sigh. "Alexander, darling, have I ever told you how enchanting you look in the moonlight?"

The blonde floundered. "Uh- Um- Er- Wha-"

"I mean honestly, that hair…How do you get it to be so soft?" She was running her hands through his hair and he was floored. This isn't real. This isn't real. I'm in the Matrix. Dani is touching me. My hair. She's…complimenting me? Oh sweet Hades. Oh shit. It's probably bad to swear to Hades when it's his daughter, even if it is only a thought- oh gods, this isn't real.

"You know, there's just something about being so high up in the air…it's ravishing, isn't it, dear? Simply…ravishing." Dani's fingers trailed down his face and neck, her delicacy sending chills throughout every nerve in his body. She then grabbed onto his upper arm and squeezed it, her eyebrow raising provocatively. "Why, Alexander! Have you been working out? I'm not so sure I'll be able to resist your alluring charms for long…"

At this point, there was nothing Xander could say or do to stop all hell from breaking loose inside his own head. He fell to utilizing man's last resort; he grabbed the bottle straight from Willard's hand, to the protests of an abruptly disgruntled child of Dionysus, and gulped as much of the disgusting stuff as he could bear.

"Wow, Xander. That's pretty manly. Dare I say…hot?" Dani jabbed, smiling playfully.

"Oh, 'course," Xander answered dryly, looking tiredly at the girl beside him, "nothin's sexier than the eternally celibate. I'll be pretty damn attractive while I waste away my sexual prime, eh?"

"Oi, sharing is caring," Willard stated as he snatched his drinking buddy back. "But if you two want to share saliva, I'd care to excuse myself." He stood and sauntered to the back of the plane, where a young flight attendant smiled felicitously in the face of his heroic appeal.

Xander shook his head and reclined the seat back a few inches. "Share saliva? I don't believe he could make that sound any less appealin'."

"Oh, I don't know," Dani responded casually, looking at the son of Athena out of the corner of her eye, "I think it sounds pretty damn appealing. Sexy, even-"

"Dani," Xander sighed exasperatedly, shutting his eyes.

"My gods, is it getting hot in here-"

"Dani."

"Maybe I'm just getting hot-"

"Dani. Please."

"How will I ever control myself around your sexual magnetism, Alex-"

"Dani. Please. Stop," Xander begged, finally achieving a level of desperate emptiness that caused the teasing to cease.

A gravelly shout carried from the back of the plane, where Willard had pulled the flight attendant onto his lap and was tickling her mercilessly. "Come on, Dani, give the kid a break!" Xander's knuckles whitened in disgust. Some friends, messing with him this way. Some dream girl, pawing at him for kicks when she had to know…

The daughter of Hades subsided, turning her head to face Xander head on, her face devoid of any teasing. "Okay. I'll stop," she told him honestly. "But there's something you really should know…Hera was mortal, Xander."

Xander blinked, not quite catching her meaning.

"She was mortal. Powerless."

"Ya mean…There's not really a curse?"

Dani nodded affirmatively. "You'll still be a virgin for life, but it's not Hera's fault," she teased.

The boy laughed, relieved of his worries and fears of being alone forever, and eventually calmed down enough to look at the girl he realized he might actually be able to love. "Thank you," he said solemnly. A moment of awkward silence passed between them before Dani took the opportunity to speak.

"So…uh…are we dating now?"

Xander sat up, confusion evident not only in his face, but in the words that he attempted to splutter out, "Uh…what…we're…dating…what…huh?"

"Well, I just figured," Dani continued, trying to sidestep the baffled emotions radiating off of the boy beside her. "I mean…well, someone did die for you, solely so you could date me, so I kind of figured you'd want to do that."

He blinked, his very ears deceiving him and warping his ordinarily miserable, pathetic life into one with rays of sunlight. She wanted to date? Him? She wanted to date him? So consumed with the unbelievable truth before him, Xander forgot to speak, and it wasn't until Dani had leaned in slightly to make sure he was alright that he remembered what his mouth was supposed to do.

And it wasn't talking.

~O~O~O~

Monica: Plot twist-

Rachel: He licked her cheek!

Xander: I did not!

Dani: Well…that's not quite the spot he licked…

Xander: Did I get any complaints?

Dani: Only from the sexy police.

Monica: …Did that just happen?

Willard: Cougars, dude. Cougars.