Delayed Return:
Kaidan's recovery was fast and by the time he was allowed to be up and running, both figuratively and literally, Shepard had already taken off for another mission.
It was to be expected. The fact that Shepard had gotten a whole two days on the Citadel was a surprise in itself, but it was slightly infuriating that the day after Shepard had left, Kaidan had been allowed "movement".
Movement was not the same as being released though. No, the doctors were still keeping tabs on him, checking and measuring his biotics to make sure everything was okay so while Kaidan was allowed to wear his own pants (so to speak), he was not allowed to leave just yet.
He had also been allowed his omnitool and compads back so Shepard was free to send him messages, which he did was frequently as he could. Never long messages, most of them seemed to have been typed on the fly, but it was still enough to keep Kaidan updated and satisfied.
He was also free to spend more time with Thane, who was only too happy to train with him, be it simple body-training to regain the Major's strength or to sneakily practice some lighter biotic tricks.
Kaidan knew that his doctor would have a cow if she discovered him, but he just couldn't help himself. He felt like he was seven again, levitating the family cat a few inches over the floor, feeling the thrill rush through him because he wasn't supposed to, but it was so much fun to just let it go. Of course, he never harmed the cat and when his mother caught him doing it and gave him a proper scolding because what if he had harmed the poor animal in some what and after that, it just wasn't fun anymore.
"So when are you released, Major," Thane asked, his voice a little hoarser than normal, but the Drell had reassured him that he was feeling fine.
"With some luck, tomorrow actually," Kaidan replied, casually summoning up a small, biotic ball, swinging it over to Thane as if he was tossing him a ball.
Thane caught it without much effort, sending it back to the human biotic within seconds.
"The doctor just wants to make sure that my biotics would cause me any trouble. Or rather, my implants. Apparently they are build to last, which is a good thing. Quality, I suppose."
"Have you gotten your amps checked," Thane asked, reaching his hand up as Kaidan sent the ball back to him.
"Will have a full check of them tomorrow. They replaced the ones that malfunctioned during my beating while I was in surgery so they are curious if they will respond well once the implant is turned back on. If everything is okay, I will be ready to ship out."
"How does it feel, using your biotics without the help of the implants?" Thane asked, giving Kaidan a curious look, the ball passing between them without much effort from either party.
"It... Is strange," Kaidan said slowly, carefully rubbing his neck with his free hand, his fingertips pressing against the implant under his skin. "It's weaker, in a way, because I can't focus it properly, but the flow inside me is still spread because of the amps. I haven't really felt like this since I was a kid, except now I know what it is."
"It feels good at times," Thane murmured, "catching" the biotic ball in the air before letting it hover just a few inches over the palm of his hand.
"It has a freedom that is unmatched. It is raw. A part of you, almost uncontrollable."
"When do Drell get their implants?" Kaidan asked, shifting on his chair so he could cross one leg over the other. "I suspect it's the same as everyone else?"
"During puberty, yes," Thane confirmed while letting go of the biotic ball, watching it slowly vanish when Kaidan waved his hand at it.
"Have you ever considered replacing the implant you have with something better?"
Kaidan chuckled a little and smiled a little.
"You are not the first one who's asked me that. But no, it's... I have never wanted to. The L2 implants are better than most, at least for me and because of the way they are implanted into my neck, it is a risky surgery."
The smile turned a little more sad as he looked down onto his hands, watching as he folded them onto his lap. "... But it's not the risk that stops me. It is more what L2 means to me. So many people died because of them and I feel I am doing them a disservice by just removing them. I can deal with the migraines, I have never really had an issue with them during battle. It the time comes when I am actually crippled by them and become a hassle rather than an asset, then I might reconsider."
Thane nodded. "Shepard told me about that determination. It was one of the many things that he admired about you," he murmured, then let his lips tug up into a small smile. "And one of the things that drove him crazy."
Kaidan let out a barking laugh, shaking his head some. "Drove him crazy, huh? Well, that is pretty much the pot calling the kettle black. Shepard was stupidly determined and stubborn."
"So I saw, several times. It was one of the many things I found very amusing," Thane mused, the small smile still in place. "While I have not seen you in battle, it seems like the two of you are very similar, yet very different. In good ways, I would say. I can imagine you worked well together in battle as well as outside of it."
Kaidan nodded and let a small smile tug on his own lips. "Yeah, we did," he murmured. "And I hope we can do again."
"I am sure he has a seat ready for you on the shuttle already."
"Heh, a man can dream," the Major chuckled before glancing at his omnitool. "I should head out though. My check-up is in an hour and they wanted for me to eat before they did the test. Eat and drink that... thing again." He couldn't help but pull a face when he thought about the "medication" his doctor kept feeding him. At least he could pinch his nose to remove most of the taste.
"Then I wish you good luck," Thane said, getting up and offering Kaidan his hand to help him up from his chair.
"And in case I don't see you before you leave, give all my best to Shepard and the others."
"Will do," Kaidan replied, taking the hand and using it to pull himself up.
"I'll drop by if I can," he added, giving a small smile to Thane. "I'd hate to leave before saying goodbye."
"That would be nice. But you have my number so we can communicate. I'd like to be updated," Thane said before grinning faintly.
"About everything."
"I will do my best," Kaidan said, ignoring the slight heat he suddenly felt on his cheeks.
"I don't know exactly when I will return to the Normandy as I have a few things to do on the Citadel first, but I am hoping soon."
"I wish you luck either way, Major," Thane replied, giving Kaidan's hand a firm shake before releasing it, putting it on Kaidan's shoulder instead.
"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. Grant that this ones hands are steady and his aim is true. Should the worse come to pass, grant him forgiveness. But watch over him, Amonkira. Because it is not his time."
Brown eyes met with Thane's own dark ones, a moment of silent passing between them.
Kaidan wasn't a religious man, he never had been, but he knew better than to brush away a blessing from someone he now saw as a friend.
"Thank you," he murmured, reaching out and placing a hand of his own on Thane's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
"I will," Thane said as he released Kaidan's shoulder.
As they said their good-byes in the training room before going their separate ways, Kaidan had no idea that it would be one of the last time he would speak to Thane again.
Packing his bags was a quick affair, seeing as he didn't have much to pack, so on the day of his release, Kaidan spent most of his time pacing.
Technically, he could just leave whenever he wanted. He had the papers, showing his clearance and permitting him return to active duty, but the Council had given him "orders" that someone would come pick him up.
Once they had found out that Kaidan had been cleared from the hospital, the ball had started rolling fast. They wanted to make him a Spectre as soon as possible, though Kaidan had a feeling that it wasn't for his benefit, but rather the galaxy. A ceremony had been mentioned and Kaidan remembered very well that Shepard's own ceremony had been an official, though simple affair. His would likely be more overdone, to give the galaxy something else to focus on, which made him feel uncomfortable just thinking about it.
Still, he understood it. The galaxy was in disarray, people were afraid so if something like this could give them something else to think about for a little while, then he would accept it.
Personally, he wanted nothing more than to return to the Normandy again so he could help Shepard and the rest of the crew. He wasn't sure how much he could do, but after his stay in the hospital, he just felt the need to do... Something. Anything.
Running his fingers through his hair, Kaidan leaned slightly against the glass, just watching the area below him.
It was amazing, just how calm the people were despite the danger that was out there. He supposed that that was one of the things all the species had in common; using denial as a defensive mechanism so they didn't have to worry themselves to death. It was just -easier- to be a little bit in denial and go about their daily lives.
"Enjoying the view?"
Kaidan turned his head towards the voice and let his lips tug into a smile as he saw the owner of the voice come into the room.
"Hey, Shepard," he greeted, a small chuckle in his voice as the first human Spectre came closer, hands stuck into the pockets of his N7-hoodie.
"If you came to spring me, you're late. I'm getting out soon."
"Damn, should have asked the taxi to step on it," Shepard chuckled before smiling at Kaidan. "But that's good to hear. Can imagine you were about to go crazy in here."
"You have no idea," Kaidan mused before his expression turned a little more serious. "Maybe you already saw the vid, but I accepted Udina's offer," he said, bringing a hand up to his neck, rubbing it gently.
"Yeah?" Shepard raised an eyebrow, but the smile remained on his lips. "When?"
"Three days ago. Couldn't really put it off much longer, he was visiting me just about everyday, wanting an answer. Never coming outright with it, of course, but you know how he is."
"Tell me about it." John pulled a slight face before his attention was returned to Kaidan, the expression now one of pride.
"Spectre Kaidan Alenko. That's a big deal."
Kaidan let out a nervous chuckle, looking down for a moment. "Only the second human Spectre," he murmured, his lips tugging into a smaller, more humble smile. "It is humbling."
"Got the best man for the job if you ask me," John smiled, reaching out and giving Kaidan's shoulder a small nudge.
"I dunno about that," the biotic grimaced. "Udina thinks they might have a pretty big ceremony, even with the war. He says a celebration will give folks something hopeful to latch onto."
"He's not wrong," Shepard replied, walking a little closer to Kaidan, still smiling at him.
"You ready to take on that responsibility?"
"Which one of them? The responsibility of a Spectre or that of entertaining at a ceremony," Kaidan smirked, earning an eye-roll from Shepard.
"Just kidding," he mused before shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know though. You set the bar pretty high, but I'll do my best. Not much more I can do."
Shepard merely smiled at Kaidan before giving him a friendly nudge with his shoulder. "That's why you're perfect for the job, Kaidan. You're humble. Honest. Hard-working. The perfect spectre-material."
"I don't know about that," the biotic replied. "I think I have some issues that a Spectre shouldn't have. Like bending the rules."
"You can do that, then it calls for it."
"Yeah, and spend ten minutes debating whether I should or not first," Kaidan added before shaking his head some. "It's strange though," he murmured, letting his gaze roam over the Citadel, taking in the sight. "On Mars, I should have died. The promotion from Anderson, Spectre status... These are terrible days, but I've been lucky."
Too lucky. He still wasn't sure if he deserved this. Any of it.
It was just so... Typical him. Being the survivor and getting something out of it. It was becoming somewhat of a streak by now, but he tried not to think about it.
If he did, the survival-guilt would drive him insane.
"You're perfect for the job," Shepard repeated, though he added a little more pressure to the words as well as giving Kaidan a firm look.
"On Eden Prime, when we first met, I could see there was something special about you. You're a good man and an even better soldier."
Even if Kaidan had tried, he couldn't have prevented the smile that appeared on his lips. "That means a lot," he murmured softly. "And... It makes me happy. I am happy. I want to serve and this will give me the chance to do even more. More for humanity, for earth, for my students. More for the Normandy, should I get the chance."
"You mentioned that," John replied. "That you wanted to join the Normandy again. Before, I mean."
"Yeah, I've thought about that," Kaidan replied. "Thought about it a lot. I just need to get out of here first, though. Take care of some things."
"Anything special?"
"I've been trying to locate my old spec ops squads, my students, from Biotics Division," Kaidan replied, glancing over at Shepard.
"Any luck?"
"No," Kaidan murmured, shaking his head at the same time as he spoke. "Probably went underground, but they'll turn up." He let the soft smile turn more into a smirk as he winked at Shepard. "If they were easy to find, they wouldn't be doing their jobs."
Shepard let out a small laugh and grinned at Kaidan. "With you training them? I'll be surprised if they as much as a shred of evidence, wherever they are and have been."
"Flatterer."
Shepard just smirked. "Well, let me know if you need any help with that. And when you get out from both here and Udina's clutches. Also, expect an invitation to the ceremony."
"I'll try to get you front-row seats," Kaidan teased. "Though don't bring a date, I cannot promise I can get you two tickets."
"I'll let Garrus down gently," Shepard chuckled before giving Kaidan a heart-warming smile.
"It's good to see you up and walking, Kaidan," he murmured before reaching his hand out. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, his hand hovering mid-air before it finally landed on Kaidan's shoulder, giving it a warm squeeze. "I didn't like seeing you chained to a bed like that."
"Thanks, Shepard," Kaidan murmured, smiling at his ex-lover. "For everything. For visiting me, the advice, the talks, the messages. Especially the chocolates. It really helped making it a bit more bearable being stuck here."
"No problem, Kaidan," Shepard replied, giving Kaidan's shoulder another squeeze before releasing him.
"Just don't let the Normandy wait for too long, eh? You've been missed."
"I'll try my best."
Shepard nodded before glancing over to the door as a timid knock was heard against the metal planes of the door.
"Excuse me, I am here to pick up a Kaidan Alenko?" a young Alliance woman said, looking between Shepard and Kaidan.
"That would be my ride," Kaidan smiled as he reached over to the chair to grab his bag.
"I'd better get going. Want me to give you a ride somewhere? I'm sure they won't mind a stop."
"No, that's okay," Shepard said, shaking his head. "I'm going to drop by Thane, have a few words with him before heading off. I just wanted to see you first."
"I'm honoured," Kaidan mused, letting his lips turn warmer. "I'll see you around then, Shepard. Expect a call before the ceremony."
"I'll be waiting for it."
Kaidan reached out his hand and let Shepard grasp it with his own, giving it a firm shake before releasing it.
"Take care, Shepard."
With a soft "you too" from his previous Commander, Kaidan headed towards the woman, trying to ignore the way his heart was beating in his chest.
It certainly felt like things were starting to look up now, at least from his point of view.
Sure, there was still a war on, but maybe some things could become better, just in case things went horribly wrong.
Knowing his luck, he'd be the last man standing, carrying all the guilt and regret, but this time.
This time he didn't want any of that. No regrets. No guilt.
And unless Kaidan had read the signals completely wrong, it felt like Shepard agreed with him on that.
So maybe, just maybe...
Maybe he didn't have to stand alone, should the time come.
Kaidan certainly hoped so.