Disclaimer: I do not own the RK characters. They all belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki.
Drive Me Crazy
Chapter 34: Tension
By: LadyYuina
A week has gone by and Okita was already looking much better. He seemed more lively and plump, now that Soujirou was around. Little did Okita know that Soujirou couldn't stay with him for long, because Okita was going to be wed to Haruna soon.
"Soujirou, let's stay over here under this tree. Our tree," Okita beckoned.
"You scare me sometimes," Soujirou suddenly said, as he sat down beside the other man. "I mean . . . your obsession with me scares me."
"I don't want to scare you . . . I don't mean to."
"If you don't want to scare me, then I want you to marry the girl your father has chosen for you. I won't be scared anymore if you could at least do that."
"I don't want to marry her, because I don't love her." Soujirou sighed and leaned back against the trunk of the tree they were beneath. Okita looked at him worriedly. "It makes me wonder, Soujirou, if you're trying to get rid of me."
Without looking at the other man, Soujirou replied, "that's not it."
"Then what are you trying to do exactly?"
"There are a lot of other reasons. You know them just as well as I do. Your family na--"
"You always bring this up. It makes me hate myself even more when you say that. I wish I wasn't born as an Okita."
(Flashback)
"Soujirou, come over here for a moment. I'd like to have a word with you."
"Certainly, Mr. Okita."
Soujirou followed him out into a secluded room. A maid came in briefly to serve them green tea and then she was gone.
"About Soushi's marriage," Mr. Okita paused to take a single sip of tea, "I'm not going to cancel it. You understand, yes?" Soujirou nodded. "Soushi is recovering splendidly all thanks to you, but there's a favor I'd like to ask of you."
"Go on."
"Persuade Soushi to accept the marriage. Do whatever it takes to make him marry into the Hagokichi family; this is very important to his mother and I. We only want what's best for our son. You see, I'm growing old and a heir to the Okita's fortune can be passed to my eldest son, Saitou, but I'm afraid they won't have any heirs after him and Soushi. Soushi has yet to produce a son and if he marries a man he'll never be able to have children of his own."
"I understand, Mr. Okita. I will try my best."
(Flashback: END)
"You should be proud of who you are. I . . . I'm glad that I'm a Soujirou."
"Your life isn't as fucked up as mine, that's why," Okita countered.
"Stop being so childish!"
"You're the one that needs to stop pretending, Sou-chan! I know it's hurting you inside that I suffer like this! You know that I'll be even more unhappy if I have to leave you!"
"You selfish bastard . . .!"
"Thank you." Okita smugly accepted the remark. "I'm not going to deny what I am. I control my own destiny, not my family. Just me."
--
Kaoru strolled back and forth on the pavement in the backyard. She'd seen the way Naoto looked at her; she knew that he was afraid. What was best to do at this point was to leave the Himura residence, but Kenshin insisted that she stay. The longer she remained here it appeared like the more tense the sky-blue-haired child became around her. This couldn't continue on forever - something had to be done.
She stopped short in her silent tirade when she caught sight of Naoto watching her from the living room window.
'Why does he look at me that way?'
What happened next surprised her. Naoto had come inside as well, and he opened the glass door and slid it shut behind him.
"Hi," he said tentatively, carefully.
"Hi, Naoto," Kaoru replied.
'Is he all right now?'
"I . . ." Kaoru watched as Naoto tried to pick his words carefully, ". . . I mean . . . I feel trapped when I am around you. This feeling . . . I want it all to go away."
"I don't know how to help you."
Naoto sat down on the pavement and intently stared at the ground. It made Kaoru wonder what he was trying to do. He then laid flat against the pavement, as he started to tremble - a drop of water fell onto the cement ground. It came from Naoto's eyes.
"I feel so trapped!" he suddenly cried out.
"Naoto . . ." Kaoru stepped forward.
"Don't come near me! I'll slit your throat if you even come near me again, Tomoe!"
"Naoto! Listen to me! I'm not her; listen to my voice." Kaoru tried to reason with him. No, she had to. "Don't . . . don't let whatever happened to you in the past haunt you!"
"You said my mommy and daddy tossed me away! Tomoe, you've hurt me so much! I felt like dying! I want to die! I want to die!"
His shouting was silenced when Kaoru clamped a hand over his mouth. She was going to take this matter into her own hands - it was her turn to try and make things right.
"Listen to my voice, Naoto, I am not Tomoe. I do not sound like her; I do not look like her; and least of all . . . I do not act like her." Naoto struggled under her lightly clamped arm around his body and over his mouth. "Naoto, stop this madness . . . You'll never get better if you let her continue to haunt you. She's no longer here, and you're not trapped. You can be as free as you want; no one's going to stop you."
'You can be as free as you want; no one's going to stop you.'
Those words echoed around inside his head. The sense of freedom wasn't far from his reach at all. It came down to the fact that he didn't know how to reach for it no matter how close he was. His arms constantly felt chained down to an invisible floor, a floor that couldn't let him escape.
'You can be as free as you want; no one's going to stop you.'
He stopped struggling around and evened his breathing. Tears had already run their course down his flushed cheeks, almost making them looked like a overused map of trails and sorts. Kaoru lifted her and away from his mouth and simply held him within her embrace.
"You're free, Naoto, believe it."
(Flashback)
"I'm glad you could come, Aoshi," Naoto beamed.
"How are you feeling?" was the automatic reply.
"I'm doing better."
"That's good."
"I wanted to thank you for saving me back there. If it weren't for you I think I wouldn't be sitting here breathing right now."
"I did what I must, Naoto. I happened upon your brother by chance. You could say I nearly ran him over - he's quite reckless."
"Reckless, huh?"
"Is something the matter?"
Naoto shook his head. "The real reason I asked you to come here was because of Kaoru." He looked at Aoshi for a moment, and when he said nothing, he continued. "She really likes my daddy. I can see that she makes him happy, but . . . She reminds me of her too much. Sometimes, I feel trapped around her. What should I do?"
"Comparing someone like her to Tomoe is quite unbelievable. They aren't alike at all, Naoto."
"They aren't?"
"No, they aren't. Kaoru, by nature, is more of an intense person, and she's also somewhat narrow-minded. She doesn't hesitate to do something that she thinks is right. Sometimes, she even fires off her mouth without thinking things through. I've known her since high school so I know what I'm talking about. As for Tomoe, I've met her on several occasions through your father when they were still a couple."
(Flashback: END)
Something inside Naoto burst forth then. The heavy, oppressive feeling he was once tuned to broke away - the chains that bounded him down were gone. The enclosure he felt no longer suffocated him; Tomoe's words disappeared into the afternoon sky.
'Kaoru isn't like her . . . She never was and never will be.'
"Kaoru, is that you?"
Naoto reached up a hand without looking behind him. He felt someone else's come in contact with his own.
"Yes, it's me."
" . . . I'm sorry."
"I should be the one apologizing. I've made you suffer."
"I'm . . . I'm fine now. I want to make this work. I want all of us to be happy."
"Me, too, Naoto, me too."
--
"Play with more emotion. More feeling," Ms. Mio reprimanded.
"I'm sorry. Let me start over."
"Is something bothering you?" Ms. Mio asked. "You seem too distracted tonight, perhaps I should call it off."
"No, don't! I can still play!" Haruna nearly cried. "Give me another chance; you said I was your top student! I know I can do the recital!"
"Haruna, it's not just about skills. You need to put your emotions into it too. I don't know what's bothering you, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to find someone else." Ms. Mio actually looked crestfallen. "I could get Yuriko to do it."
"Let me. Please." Haruna was to the point of begging. Her large brown eyes sparkled with determination. "I've been waiting for the chance to do this; don't turn me away, Ms. Mio. I promise I will practice more and try harder."
"Haruna, you needn't worry about the recital anymore. I've decided that Yuriko will do it - she was the backup, in case something came up."
"Ms. Mio, I'll tell you what's bothering me. In telling you I hope you'll give me sympathy. That's a pathetic way to go about things, but I really want to do this." Ms. Mio sighed, and shook her head. "What's bothering me is that I have to get married to someone whom I don't love. I can't do anything about it, you see? Japan's society is not the way it should be, and my parents need to get up caught up to the modern times . . . To the world of today and now."
"That's still not going to change my mind. Your family problems are not mine, Haruna. The lesson is over."
"But--"
"It's over, Haruna, I'm sorry."
--
Kenshin hugged Naoto to himself when the child came to him. It was well past midnight as Naoto entered his room and asked if he could moon gaze with him. Kenshin obliged, due to the hardships his son has gone through. He did have to work the next morning, but losing sleep wouldn't amount to the precious time he would be able to spend with his beloved son.
"Remember when we first did this?" Naoto asked and Kenshin nodded in response. "Ietsuna was with us, too, I think."
"Yeah, he was."
"The moon looks brighter tonight than any other night I've looked at it. My eyes aren't blind to anything around me anymore."
"You sound like a old man," Kenshin teased.
"I don't mind."
"Naoto," Kenshin could see his son bowing his head (in shame, maybe?), "you know that if you ever feel scared, lonely . . . Anything at all, that you can tell me. There's no need to hold it in and let it burst out violently. There's Kenji, Ietsuna, me, Kaoru even, that you can talk to."
"I know that. It's sometimes I find it harder to tell you things than to just keep it to myself."
". . . You really scared me back there. On the day you clawed the floor - you scared me so badly."
"My nails haven't grown out normally yet," Naoto noted, taking a look at his fingers.
"Kaoru told me you called her Tomoe . . . Did she hurt you in a way that you aren't telling me?"
"No."
"There's no reason for you to lie, Naoto." The boy shrugged. "Just tell me what she did."
"If I keep it in, no one else will get hurt."
"You're wrong. If you keep it in you're going to hurt the people around you and yourself. During the time of your unresponsiveness, Kenji and Ietsuna tried to bring you back. They talked to you, tried to play with you, read, joke, and laugh with you."
"I didn't know," Naoto replied.
"Did they succeed in the long run?"
Naoto gazed up at the moon and smiled thoughtfully. "No. Kaoru helped me."
Chapter 34: END