Sorry for the delay people, but I barely found the time to write, work and all, hope you understand. Epic thanks to the lovely ElCapitan18 for being my beta. Thanks to Elissa Theirin and Gabe97 for the lovely reviews. Your support means the world to me! Anyway, enjoy!
January 2nd, 2184...
The ongoing silence between them was killing him, it was stealing away his sleep and filled his days with worry. They would talk, but not like they used to. Their conversations were brief and to the point, nothing more. Her expression was distant when they talked even though a faint smile fought it's way on her face, showing him she was at least listening. Whenever they found themselves alone she would dismiss him with hollow excuses and made up errands . He wouldn't have anymore of it.
Kaidan was standing in her quarters fully aware of, but uninterested in, the running clock. Everyone was running around the ship preparing for the start of the next mission and cleaning the ship for Anderson's announced visit. Kaidan had done his job around engineering, and later he had to check the Normandy's systems with Joker. Right now, he had to deal with personal matters, and no one was going to take that away from him.
He'd been waiting in her quarters for a while now, pacing a small line up and down, his brows furrowed together and his one hand rubbing his jaw as if trying to get rid of some of the tension there. Jane was away attending to some business , but he knew that sooner or later she would have to come back, and he was determined to wait for her. When the doors finally hissed open Kaidan stopped dead in his tracks and he spun around to face her. He saw the mixture of surprise and hollowness on her face as she turned to put a datapad on her desk.
"Kaidan," she said, "what are you doing here?"
He stepped up and closed the gap between them a little. "Shepard, we need to talk." He knew her well enough to notice how her shoulders tensed with his words.
"About?" she crossed her arms before her chest and looked at him expectantly. There was something in her gaze that struck him speechless and all he wanted to do was stare into her deep blue eyes, hoping to find the source of her sadness in them. When the silence stretched between them, she let out a sharp breath and shook her head before picking up the datapad again. "Look, there's too much going on and I really don't have the time to-"
"Why are you avoiding me?" he blurted the question out before she could finish her sentence.
A mixture of emotions passed her features before he could even recognize them as she shifted awkwardly. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said while looking away to the floor.
Kaidan grit his teeth in frustration and took another step closer, "We used to be able to talk about anything, no matter what was going on. Now you barely even look at me anymore."
"What?" she asked, "That's not true." She lifted her face to look at him, as if to prove him wrong.
He took another, tiny step towards her, forcing her to take a step back. Her backside met the edge of her desk and she looked away again.
Kaidan caught the slight glimpse of fear and insecurity that passed her features, still refusing to meet his gaze. "Jane," he said before letting the silence join between them a little. "Don't push me away... please." His hand twitched, he so wanted to place his palm on her cheek, to swipe the lines of worry with his thumb away. But he didn't because he feared that would push her only more away from him. He watched her throat working as she swallowed hard, still not able to meet his gaze.
"Is it something I did?" his voice was pleading.
She shook her head faintly, still not meeting his gaze. "No."
"Then what happened?" She was so close, goose bumps raised all over his body in reaction to her radiating heat. He swallowed hard to suppress the urge to just crush his lips on hers and show her just how much he missed her, how much he loved her.
"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." The insecurity was audible in her voice and Kaidan had the feeling she said it more to convince herself than him. She scratched the back of her neck, a gesture she did when she was lying or nervous.
He shook his head and took a deep breath through his nose as he brought his hand up to cup her chin, hoping to meet her gaze; but she still wouldn't look him in the eye. "Jane," he whispered when her eyes started to water.
He brought his other hand up and cupped her face with both his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs as he pleaded, "What did I do? Please, tell me."
She refused to meet his gaze and their moment was interrupted when her omni-tool started buzzing. Kaidan sighed in defeat and stepped away, his head lowered. He watched her from underneath his eyelashes as she opened the message. Once she was done reading it, she lifted her face and her gaze finally met his. Kaidan felt his heart tightening at the amount of sadness he found there.
"Anderson will be here any minute," she said in her usual 'commander' voice. "he has a ceremony planned for Ashley, later. Her mother and sister's will be present." With that said she pushed herself off of the desk and hurried out of the room.
Kaidan just stood there, his mind replaying what she just told him. A ceremony for Ashley... that explains why she's acting this way, thought Kaidan, hoping he found the reason for her strange behavior. He shook his head and dragged a hand down his face as he let out a long breath. He had a lot of work to do around the ship and then he had to get ready, mentally and emotionally, because this was going to be one of the toughest moments of his life.
####
Anderson and the Normandy crew were sitting in a shuttle, the tension and silence thick between them. Kaidan lifted his head and looked around; everyone reclused to their thoughts, the sadness clearly written on all of their faces. Shepard was sitting beside the opposite window, her head leaned back against the wall and her arms crossed. Her eyes were closed and her legs slightly spread; Kaidan knew she was shutting out her surroundings so she could prepare her mind properly. He could barely keep his eyes off of her though; the rare sight of Shepard in casual clothing was just too captivating.
They were heading to the Presidium, to Ashley's ceremony. After Anderson had prepared everything, he decided to join them in the shuttle. Kaidan wanted to sit down next to Shepard, but Anderson beat him to it. Anderson gave him a pointed look when Kaidan wanted to open his mouth to protest; the dismissal was final and evident, so he sat down opposite of them without putting in any resistance. He didn't know why the Captain wanted to sit close to Shepard, but he knew that asking wouldn't change their seating arrangement.
He turned his eyes back to Shepard only to see her staring out the window. He caught the Captain staring at him so he quickly averted his gaze back to the floor. He knew that Anderson knew about them, still showing any kind of affection towards Shepard in front of him felt awkward. He had to get used to it somehow.
"Shepard," Anderson's gentle and calm voice cut through the silence of the shuttle. She lowered her head and stared at the floor instead of turning her head to face him completely. "How are you feeling?"
The laugh she let out was bitter, "You serious?" She then turned her head towards Anderson, to give him all of her attention.
Anderson shifted in his seat, "You can't dwell on the past; you made the right choice by saving the higher ranking officer."
Kaidan knew he meant; you did the right thing by saving the person you love. But saying it out loud was inappropriate.
"I don't think that her mother would agree with that. Or her sister's." She turned her head back to look out of the window.
Kaidan looked from Shepard to Anderson and back, feeling as if he and the other's were intruding on a private conversation.
"Someone has to make the tough decisions," said Anderson. "You did the right thing. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
"How is leaving a young woman behind to die a good thing?" she asked when her head snapped back to Anderson, her expression was angry, her voice surprisingly low and calm.
Kaidan could see the guilt and anger in her eyes. He knew she hated herself for letting anyone die under her command, and he knew she would've preferred to sacrifice herself so she could save both him and Ashley. Not that he would let her sacrifice herself; he would rather die in that explosion than let her get killed.
"Ashley wasn't a regular woman," started Anderson. He raised a hand to silence Shepard who opened her mouth to argue back. "She was a soldier and she gave her life to save the rest of you. She gave her life so you can stop the Reapers, because she knew what is at stake."
"Still… it's not fair. She didn't deserve this," said Shepard.
"Few people get what they deserve, Commander," Liara's gentle voice filled the shuttle and everyone's attention turned to her. "Ashley died a hero, and we will remember her that way."
That brought a tiny smile to Kaidan's face. Ashley was never big on alien species, and everyone on the ship knew that. Still, everyone wanted to pay their final respect to their crew member. No, not just another crew member, thought Kaidan and his smile widened a little. She was our friend.
"A hell of a weapon expert," said Garrus with a tiny chuckle. "She could disarm a weapon and put it back together in record time. But she couldn't top my calibrations." He stated all too proudly.
"Please," said Tali as she shifted a little, "there he goes again with his 'calibrations'. We've heard enough Garrus."
Were the situation different, Kaidan would've smiled and thrown in a side comment that would spur on their banter. But now was not the time and he certainly didn't want to distract his mind from the guilt he felt.
His stomach turned over and over as he replayed the scenario in his mind; the cursed geth swarming all over the place, pinning him and his team. He remembered the fear and sadness he heard in Shepard's voice as she talked to them over the radio. He swallowed hard and let his head hang in shame because he was the reason Ashley was dead today.
The shuttle suddenly landed and that broke his thoughts. He lifted his head to gaze at the others as Anderson stood up and opened the door before stepping out. Kaidan stood up as well, but stopped in front of Shepard as she kept sitting there while the others were leaving the shuttle.
"Commander," he said and waited for Wrex to exit the shuttle. He glanced up only to be met by Anderson's gaze as the others approached the little park. Kaidan knew from the look Anderson was giving him that he would give them a few minutes, but that's it. Kaidan nodded in thanks before the Captain left with the others, leaving the pair alone for a while. "Jane," he whispered as he stood there, not knowing what else to say or do.
Shepard kept watching the floor before she stretched her neck from side to side. She did that whenever they would step on the battlefield and that was enough enough for him to know just how tense she was. "Yes?" her voice was gentle as she asked, her gaze still locked on the floor.
Not knowing what to say, he said what was on his heart. "I'm here for you, Shepard."
She lifted her face and smiled briefly before she stood up, forcing him to take a step back. She headed towards the shuttle doors but stopped right at the exit. She glanced over her shoulder back at him and gave him a warm, forced smile.
"I know," she whispered before she exited the shuttle.
Kaidan was relieved to know that they talked, if only briefly. Still, the tension between them was killing him. He needed to know what was going on in that beautiful head of hers or he would lose himself in his worry.
####
There was no turning back. The time had come to face the Williams family and give them her sincerest apology, and maybe an explanation why she left Ashley to die. She swallowed hard as she approached the beautiful park filled with cherry trees and flowers ceremoniously arranged around them. There was a small monument in the middle of the park with a picture of Ashley surrounded by candles and flowers brought by her family.
Shepard glanced at the four women standing next to the monument. The sadness was clear to see, though the only one crying loudly was an older woman as the other three younger women stood around her. All were dressed in similar black dresses.
Shepard's crew stood on the other side of the monument, their heads bowed in respect and all facing the picture. She spotted Kaidan standing next to Garrus, his head bowed in shame instead of respect. Shepard knew that he blamed himself for this and he probably thought that today should've been his ceremony, not Ashley's. Jane felt a cold chill go down her spine at that thought; no matter how much Ashley's death pained her, she couldn't imagine Kaidan taking Ashley's place. He was her anchor, her love, he was the person she would do anything for.
Crossing her arms in front of her chest she kept walking towards the others, her head lowered as her feet carried her to Kaidan. She stopped close to him, yet not too close, reminding herself that Anderson was here. She tried to ignore the heat radiating from him and instead moved her attention to the picture of a smiling Ashley with her hair down. She looked so peaceful on the picture, so happy and beautiful, before stepping foot into Jane's life; before everything escalated.
Suddenly someone cried out loud as the older woman, Ashley's mother, fell on her knees. Shepard watched the broken woman as she cried for her daughters life, begging God to take her instead and bring her 'sweet little angel' back. Shepard couldn't bring herself to look away from the scene before her, blinking back her own tears as best she could. Her heart was heavy with guilt and shame. She heard the woman whispering things with her weak and fragile voice. Shepard swallowed hard as tears blurred her vision before a lone tear made it's way down her cheek.
No, she scolded herself mentally as she chased the tear away with the back of her knuckle, I am Commander Shepard, I am not allowed to cry. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she calmed down a little and somehow managed to dismiss the tears completely. Sometimes she wondered how she did that, where she found this strength to block everything out for the moment and move on. Her thoughts were interrupted by a strong hand on her shoulder and she turned her head around to see Anderson looking at her, his gaze sympathetic.
She stepped aside so he could walk past her towards Ashley's mother. The three daughter's helped her up as Anderson stopped in front of her, placing his hands on her upper arms. He spoke to her, but his voice was too low for Shepard to hear. Suddenly he turned back to her and gestured for her to join him. Shepard felt the color drain from her face as cold sweat appeared on her back and forehead. She shifted nervously from foot to foot, hoping that she misread the gesture, but her hopes were crushed when he did it again.
Her heartbeat was frantic as she took a shaky breath and forced her legs to move. She tried to focus on the gentle wind grazing her skin and the scent of the ceremonial flowers as she approached the older woman and her three daughters.
Once Shepard stopped next to Anderson she lowered her head in shame, unable to bear the grey hazel depths of the older woman who was still crying.
"Ma'am," Anderson spoke, "this is Commander Shepard, Ashley's commanding officer."
Shepard kept staring at the grass beneath them, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her. She knew Anderson was blunt and straightforward about anything, but this was out of line.
"Ashley was a fine soldier and a good friend. I'm sorry for your loss." Said Jane, waiting for the four women to attack her, but she wouldn't put up a fight; she would accept any punishment because she knew she deserved it.
The tallest woman stepped up and reached her hand out for Shepard. "Commander Shepard, I'm Lynn. I don't know if my sister has told you about us."
Shepard hesitated to take her hand, but knew it would be rude not to take it. Giving their joined hands a quick, weak shake, Jane added, "She mentioned you. In fact, she told me a lot about all of you. She loved you very much."
Lynn shook her lowered head and let a tiny smile appear on her face, "That sounds like Ashley." She lifted her face and turned it towards her other two sisters. "Commander, this is Abby and Sarah. Sarah is the youngest one of us."
Abby took the Commanders hand and gave it a quick firm shake, but Sarah didn't even bother to look up. Her lower lip was worried between her teeth, her watery eyes fixed on the ground.
"Sarah," started Lynn, "don't you want to greet the Commander?"
Sarah's hands turned into fists at her sides as she shut her eyes. "Why should I greet her? Ashley is dead because of her!"
"Sarah!" The elder woman yelled at the youngest Williams member. "You know that's not true."
Sarah's head shot up at her mother, "I'm not stupid mom! I know what happened"
"You aren't stupid, but this is not how Ashley and I have raised you!"
Sarah lowered her head in defeat and bit her lower lip again. After a while she lifted her head again and pointed her still angry eyes at Shepard. "I'm sorry, Commander."
Shepard nodded quickly, unable to speak at the moment. The older woman sighed and took a deep breath before she looked at Shepard.
"Commander," she started, "I'm sorry for Sarah's behavior. She and Ashley were really close."
"It's okay," said Shepard, her voice hoarse and thick with emotion. "I understand."
"Commander?" The older woman waited for Shepard to meet her gaze. When she did so, Amanda, Ashley's mother, swallowed hard before she spoke. "I know why my little angel sacrificed herself, and I can say with all my heart that I'm proud of her." Tears started streaming down her old face as she continued, "But please, I beg you, don't let her sacrifice be in vain. I lost her father for nothing. Please... don't let the same happen with Ashley."
Jane watched the woman crying as she tried to come up with something to say, but no matter how much thought she gave it, she found that whatever she said would be the wrong thing.
Luckily Anderson spoke up, "Her sacrifice won't be in vain. We will kill the Reapers and avenge your daughters death."
The elder woman cried out loud as Anderson gave her a comforting hug. Shepard stood there paralyzed as she tried to come up with something to say. She could hear her heart beating against her ear drums as she tried to breathe normally.
Suddenly Lynn stepped out in front of her. Shepard really looked at her this time and she had to stop herself from gaping at the similarities she shared with Ashley.
"Commander," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "no one has to tell me that you did the right thing. It's harsh and Ashley certainly didn't deserve to die like this, but I know that you're going to stop whatever's coming. I know that, because Ashley had faith in you. So do I."
Shepard couldn't find her voice to speak in that moment as the deep brown depths of Lynn's eyes gazed into hers. She was lost in them, and again she could see further resemblance to Ashley.
Suddenly Lynn closed the gap between them and pulled Shepard into a hug. Shepard could feel Lynn's body trembling against hers as she stared completely dumbfounded at the nearby tree, her eyes wide in shock. Never would she had expected that someone from the Williams family would hug her, the one who caused Ashley's death. Still, to know that they would do so was giving her at least a little comfort.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the long, shaky breath Lynn took as she tightened her arms around her shoulders. Shepard's hands turned into fists at her sides as her eyes stung with tears. She refused to blink because that would cause the tears to fall, so she held her eyes open for as long as she could.
Her defences broke when she heard the almost silent sob escaping Lynn; she shut her eyes tightly and her tears poured silently down her face like two waterfalls as she brought her arms around Lynn. In that moment, she couldn't keep her defences up even if she wanted to.
"I'm sorry," whispered Jane as she started to tremble as well. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't save her."
"It's okay," whispered Lynn, her shaky voice thick with emotion. The two women cried silently, both finding comfort in their embrace. Shepard was relieved to know that at least someone was able to forgive her, and that gave her a lot of strength. Shepard knew she had to break the embrace to go talk to the others, but somehow she couldn't. Lynn looked so much like Ashley; she had the feeling that she was hugging her instead and it made her live in the illusion that Ashley was still here with them, kicking ass like she used to.
All she knew right now was that Lynn's hug was giving her comfort, and she didn't give a damn that she was crying loudly and that everyone could hear her.
####
Shepard's cry tore at his heart immensely, it made the lump in his throat grow even bigger and his eyes stung with more tears he barely managed to hold back. He saw the way that Jane clung onto Lynn as if for dear life. Kaidan couldn't look away as he listened to the sorrowful cries escaping the woman he loved. He needed to do something, anything that would comfort her and maybe calm her down, but he chased that thought away quickly. They barely talked and he doubted she would let him comfort her in any way so he somehow held his ground.
Liara was silently crying next to him, Garrus' head was lowered as Tali shifted her weight from one leg to the other, sniffing from time to time. Wrex was standing behind them with his arms crossed, silently observing the situation as well. Kaidan watched Anderson as he placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder, gently pulling her away from Lynn's arms before Ashley's mother stepped up. They didn't waste any second before they hugged each other and Kaidan could feel the lump in his throat growing as a lone tear escaped him which he hastily wiped away. He sniffed loud enough for the others to hear but he didn't care. Seeing Jane crying like that and Ashley's family was hard, especially because he felt like he was the reason behind all of this.
He watched her as she broke the hug, then stepped away hesitantly as they started to talk. A few moments later the Williams family turned and walked away, leaving Jane and Anderson behind with the others. Anderson walked back to them and ordered the others to the ship before he turned back to Shepard.
"Shepard," he said, "You have an appointment with the Council tomorrow."
Never before had Kaidan felt such an overpowering urge to hit someone like he did in that very moment. Anderson didn't give her a moment of reprieve and he hated him for that. The last thing Shepard needed was another lecture from the Council after a day like today. He watched Anderson as he stood there waiting for a reply as Shepard stared at the ground.
"I'll be there," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Without saying anything else Anderson left the two of them alone.
Kaidan slowly approached her, cautious for any signs telling him to leave her alone. But she just stood there, like a statue, looking at the grass under her feet. He stopped close to her and he took a deep breath as the slight scent of her vanilla shampoo invaded his nose. Silence joined them as he watched her, trying to come up with something to say that would make her feel more comfortable around him. There was still this need to ask her why she was avoiding him, but he ignored it as best he could. He didn't want to ruin this moment with her, no matter how awkward it was.
Suddenly she moved and turned to face him, but she refused to meet his gaze. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to do anything, afraid that he might push her even further away, so it caught him completely off guard when she closed the gap between them. Before he could voice his surprise she pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around him. Kaidan didn't hesitate for even a second to wrap his arms tightly around her, pulling her impossibly close to him as he inhaled her scent.
She sniffed as she buried her face in the crook of his neck as she whispered. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you for the past couple of days, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone."
He felt a large stone falling from his heart in relief as she finally spoke to him, and he couldn't ignore his curiosity any more. "What happened?"
Her face was still buried in his neck as she spoke. "I saw my mother in the docking bay." Silence fell between them, and after a moment Kaidan broke the hug to look at her. She was staring at his chest, her arms still wrapped around his waist as she continued. "I don't know what she wanted, she ran away before I could find out."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice a bit hoarse from heartache.
"I needed time for myself. I needed to process everything that happened lately. I'm sorry…" He could feel the truth behind her words, but he also felt like she was hiding something.
"You still could've talked to me, you know."
She lifted her face and locked her eyes with his, and for the first time the past couple of days Kaidan saw the immense sadness in them. "Like I said, I needed time for myself. Besides, I…" she lowered her head and averted her gaze back at his chest. "I have to call Michel."
Kaidan narrowed his eyes in concern, "Why? Did something happen?"
Jane shook her head, "No, but she's got to prescribe me new medication."
Her answer made him a little angry, the sound of her voice made him feel like she didn't find this situation serious at all. "You mean a new dose of pills?"
She took another backwards step and looked away. "Yes, you know I need them," she whispered.
Kaidan narrowed his eyes and watched her from underneath his eyelashes as he let out a sharp breath, hoping he could somehow make her see reason. "Jane you see the pills are not working. What you need is professional help."
She stepped away and from him and he immediately felt the loss of her body close to his.
"It's complicated," she stated as she looked away again. When she brought her gaze back to his, she continued. "You know how much this tortures me, how emotionally exhausting this is," her voice was small, pleading even.
Kaidan couldn't bite back the words that escaped him, even if he had to think them through first. "Then do something about it. Don't let it control your life."
She narrowed her eyes and he saw the annoyance written on her face. "What do you mean? Don't you see I'm doing everything I can?"
"You think I'm blind?" Her features gave her confusion away, but before she could ask what he meant he responded. "You think I don't notice when you sneak out of bed to swallow the pills? Or when you can't sleep and you lock yourself away in the bathroom?"
She gawked dumbfounded at him before she looked away, her silence spurring him on to continue his little speech. "I notice it every time Jane, and it makes me sick watching you suffer. You have committed yourself to these pills, even though you see they're not working." He hoped she would hear the desperation in his voice, but he was disappointed when all she did was point her angry gaze at him.
"You don't understand Kaidan."
"Oh yes Jane, I do. But you don't understand how much it pains me to watch you like this. To watch the strong and fierce woman I see fighting a daily battle she can't win alone. Please, listen to me," Kaidan took another step towards her, now standing right in front of her as he dared to take her hand in his. "No more pills."
"It's easy for you to say," her voice rang with bitterness as she spoke. "You don't have to face what I am facing."
"I am facing your problems as if they were mine because I love you, and you matter to me. I'm not saying this because I want to control you. I'm saying this because I'm worried and because I care for you."
She lowered her head and for the first time since they started talking he felt like his words had the desired effect on her. He wanted to show her how important her well being was to him, he wanted her to see that with the pills she had only gotten worse. She lifted her head to speak, but she was interrupted when his omni-tool flashed and buzzed. Kaidan cursed whoever was disturbing them now. His insides twisted when he read the contents of the message and who had send it.
Happy new year, the best wishes to you and Jane,
Signed,
Rahna
p.s: I hope I can hear from you again, it was nice talking to you. It reminded me of the happy moments we spent in BAaT.
_
Kaidan could feel the color draining from his face as he kept staring at the message, completely forgetting that Jane was watching him.
"Who is it?" her question broke his thoughts and he did what he thought was best in that moment; he lied, not even thinking about the consequences.
"My parents. They're just saying hello." He never wanted to lie to her, hell Kaidan wasn't the person to lie to anyone, but he knew that telling her the truth now would make the already tense situation only more complicated. Kaidan swallowed hard as he waited for her reaction, hoping that she did buy his lie; he was glad when she nodded, showing him that she indeed believed him.
She stopped next to him and took his hand in hers, "Come on, let's get back to the Normandy."
Kaidan swallowed hard as he felt her soft hand on his but he couldn't drop the matter so quickly. "Jane, please," he pulled her to a stop as she started to walk. He watched the back of her head as he hoped his next words would finally convince her to listen to him. "You need help. The pills are not working, and with the Reapers and everything-"
"I know. I'll think about it." He knew that was the best he was going to get for now. Sighing in defeat, he took her hand in his and they made their way back to the Normandy. He was still thinking about the message from Rahna and decided that not telling Jane was the right decision, for now. He would delete the message as soon as they reached the Normandy, he wouldn't even bother replying. He almost lost Jane because of her once and he certainly wouldn't repeat the same mistake again.
####
January 3rd, 2184…
Shepard paced down the stairs of the Presidium, her anger and disappointment clouding the rational part of her mind. She ignored the calls from her friends and from Kaidan as they tried to catch up with her. She couldn't believe the Council's ignorance. After everything she had done, after facing Sovereign and the geth, they still didn't believe her about the Reaper threat.
Shepard felt like she was beating her head against a wall whenever she talked to the Council, but the worse part was that Udina stabbed her in the back again. She hoped that if she put him on the Council's seat that he would help her in return. But now she knew that she couldn't depend on anyone.
She almost reached the elevator when Anderson's commanding voice finally pulled her to a stop. She spun around as she watched the Captain, and her crew, run down the stairs to get to her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and tapped her foot against the floor, not even caring that her anger was reflecting on her features as they finally stopped in front of her.
"Shepard," said Anderson, breathless after running after her. He took a few steadying breaths before he continued. "Shepard, you can't just turn your back on the Council! Not even as a Spectre-"
"They turned their backs on me! They still deny the Reapers existence even after they saw a Reaper! I'm done with them!" She turned to walk into the elevator.
"Shepard!" Anderson's voice pulled her to a stop again. This time she crossed the distance until she stopped right in front of him, pointing her angry glare at him.
"What?!"
"You have no choice but to obey their orders. They made you a Spectre. For now, you'll be investigating the geth activity out in the Terminus System. In the meanwhile, we'll figure something out."
Shepard turned and walked a few steps away, letting the silence stretch between them. She leaned her arms on the nearby railing and gazed out at the Citadel as she spoke. "I won't forget this, and I won't save their asses next time, and believe me Anderson, there will be a next time."
She pushed herself away from the railing and turned back to the others. "I don't care about them, Anderson, I am fighting the Reapers for the people I care for; people who deserve a future." People like Kaidan and my little brother, she almost bit out.
"I know," said Anderson as he approached her, "let's play by their rules for now. They'll see they're wrong, eventually."
"Eventually might be too late," muttered Shepard as she watched him for a moment longer before she averted her gaze over his shoulder to her crew, her friends. They were all looking at her with gazes full of determination; she knew they would follow her into hell and back, and that was enough for Shepard to continue with this unproductive dance with the Council.
"Alright," she said with a heavy sigh, still unable to disguise her anger or disappointment. "We'll do as the Council wishes for now; but expect them to call for our help when the sky crumbles all over them. And no matter what happens, we will stand tall and fight anything that the Reapers throw at us because that's what we do. So," she let her gaze linger on her team, her friends, for a while until she locked it on Kaidan, "who is willing to fight beside me?"
The first to step up was Garrus, "We kicked Saren's and Sovereign's ass. I say; let them come."
"Haha! I like the way you think, Garrus," said Wrex as he gave him a playful smack on his shoulder. "I'm in, Shepard. Ready for some Reaper blood."
"This is no easy task, but I believe we can win this," said Liara as she stepped up too.
Tali was the next to step up, "Time to show everyone that we were right from the beginning."
Jane didn't bother looking away from Kaidan as he stepped up too. He nodded once before a smirk twisted the corners of his lips. "Ready when you are, Commander. Let's kick some Reaper ass."
Shepard smiled victoriously and gave them all a firm nod before she turned to Anderson. They stared at each other in silence, no words were necessary for her to know that he was proud of her. He believed in her, and that was enough for her to find the necessary strength to continue and not throw everything out of the window.
"Alright everyone! Let's move!" She shouted as she turned around.
She found new strength and purpose in her friends, in Anderson, in her little brother, and in Kaidan. She was determined to stop everything that threatened the peace of the galaxy for them, not for the Council. She would be damned if she let anything stop her.
And this is it: the first part of the trilogy ends here. From here, Mass Effect 2 will continue. Thanks to everyone for following, faving, reading and reviewing. I will try and continue with the trilogy as soon as possible, but first I am going to edit the chapters, make some small changes, nothing major.
Thank you again, people! And stay tuned!