AN - Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of the new Prince xx - This chapter would of been longer but by the time i had finished it was over 3,000 words which I thought was too long so its cut in half, Enjoy :)

We get into the car making sure that we have everything as we are about to head off home after the busy weekend we have just had as soon as we open Amelia's door she grabs Uno and hugs him and says sorry for leaving him alone all day she just didn't want to lose him. Once loading the car up and strapping Amelia in me and Tom get in he is going to drive for now but if he gets tried I told him to pull into a service station and we will swap.

I sit here a wonder for a good 10 minutes about how and what to tell Tom I want to tell him about my past I really do but then again I scared, I want to tell him about Nick but I would rather Nick was around when I do so I want to tell him a lot of things and I suppose what better time have we got other than being stuck in a car together for 2 hours. Amelia has fallen asleep holding Uno so it is lucky we got something to eat at LEGOLAND. Oh well there's no time like the present I guess…

"Tom" I say with a little fear in my voice.

"What's up babe?" Tom asks.

"Well, you know you want to know how I got my scars well I know you know how I got them but why I got them I guess…" I say shaking and tracing the little neat white lines on my wrist.

"Sam I can see this upsetting you. You don't have to tell me babe its okay" Tom says stroking my leg.

"I do, Tom there is so much I need to tell you about my life" I tell him a little bit worried.

"As long as you're sure I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, I love you Sam just remember that" Tom says smiling.

"13 Years ago nearly 14 now, my brother was reported Missing in Action. When we got the letter down I wasn't sure what was going on and my mum and dad after reading it sat there in silence for a good 10 minutes before my mother turned to me a shouted at my claiming it that it was my fault my brother joined the army my fault he left and my fault he missing because if I hadn't of been so clingy to him he would never of left. I was so hurt by what she had said because I knew that Jack loved me and loved having me around he would take me places that mum and dad never would partly because dad was a world class surgeon and never had much time to spend with us and mum well she wasn't bothered she was more into drinking alcohol so I grew up in the hands of my brother we used to muck about in fields climbing trees, making dens, inventing our own games or swimming in lakes. We used to get shouted at and told by the filed owners that they would phone the police on us if we carried on trespassing I was only around 6 but Jack was 12 and he loved it and well so did I. I loved Jack so much that when it came to him leaving for the army a couple of years later at 16 I was only 10 but I knew this meant I would not be able to spend time with him, he left me a couple of his jumpers and told me to give him one of mine and he told me that whenever I miss him I am to give the jumper a hung and he would feel it and the same if he missed me he would hug the jumper I gave him. So that last day in to airport when all the other new recruits where saying goodbye to their families, me and dad where stood there proud watching Jack go through the gates after saying our goodbyes but just before Jack went he turned to me and said Oi Smidge, Just remember I going out here to keep you safe! I love you my little Smidgy…" I tell him with tears in my eyes.

"Oh Sam that's terrible I don't believe you could be clingy to anyone you know when to stop and Sam why Smidge?" Tom asks.

"Well because I'm Sam and because if you were to see me, Jack, Dad and my mum all stood in a row I would be tiny compared to the rest so I was a midget and Jack just called me it once and it stuck ever since" I tell him letting out a little giggle thinking about the old days.

"He would be out for 6 months then come back for 3 months and every time he was back we went out and mucked about doing the same stuff we used to do and then the day before he would be leaving to go off again he would take me to the pub just across the road from the ED and we would sit there drinking and laughing about and I would listen to stories about Afghanistan until Dad finished work which was normally around 7 and by that time people would be coming into to get drunk so we would leave with dad and go of home to be greeted by our own drunk mother so me, Jack and dad would go sit in Jacks room and play games and just chat until I fall asleep and I would stay in Jacks room that night every time just to be close to him. That was all until that letter came and she blamed me that night i went and sat on Jacks bed and just cried hoping the pain of the words she said ringing in my ears would stop but it didn't and then I noticed jack had left one of his knifes on his bedside table so I took it and placed it to my wrist it felt so good like the pain was leaving my body but not before long did I pass out from losing to much blood I don't know how long I was blacked out but I woke up the next day in the ED with Charlie, and my Dad by my bed checking out the cuts, they had to be stitched up I was only 14 which made everyone more worried. Dad had convinced Charlie not to get in touch with psych because it was a one off but it wasn't It got worse as when Dad was at work she would carry on telling me that I was worthless a mistake if I hadn't of been born Jack would never of left and so on, I would lock myself in my room with the razor from a sharpener or something the same and slice myself up until I was numb. Things got worse though as I had been slicing my arm so much I didn't feel like it did anything so I stopped eating and it helped because whenever my stomach cramped it was like telling me to eat but I would fight that away making me forget about my mum and her words. It got so bad though that I just became a bag of bones and I couldn't hide it from Dad even though he wasn't around much he still noticed I was 15 I had been slicing myself for a year and staving myself for 6 months with only the old sandwich at school so my friends didn't notice but when Lauren went to my dad worried about me after she noticed I wasn't eating much and I was where long sleeves in summer which was so out of character that my dad spoke to Charlie about it wondering what to do. But after a P.E lesson at school out in the sun I collapsed and was rushed straight to the ED to be treated where Charlie got Psych involved and I was referred to a psychiatric ward where I had to stay until I was at a stable weight It was so hard being in there as they took away everything possible that you could hurt yourself with and they forced you to eat but I didn't I would make myself sick so I didn't have to but one night after my dad and Lauren visited I lied on my bed and their words ran through my head what would Jack think?" I explained with tears running down my face.

"Oh Sammy I wish I was there to help you back then and I know I can't change the past but I can help the future I'm here for you now. I believe Jack would have been very angry and hurt by what you did but not at you he would have been more angry with your mum for making it happen" Tom said giving me a quick hug as he had been stopped in traffic for about 5 minutes.

"Thank you tom" I gave him a peck on the cheek "That's what I thought I can't do this Jack needs me to be strong for him he needs me to hold out hope that he still out there. That morning when I got up I walked in the canteen and ate some toast all the staff where so shocked at it that they called a meeting to discuss options and at lunch time that day after I ate a chicken wrap I felt so ill but I knew it was just down to eating something and then in the afternoon we had a student doctor come and visit the ward he name was Dylan Keogh, he would visit the ward and help out every Wednesday afternoon when he was studying. I became great friends with Dylan and on the day of my leave 6 months after being in there I took his number off him and we met up in a bar the day after and we met up quite a lot and I fall for him back then I thought it was love but since being with you I realized that I didn't 'Love' Dylan I loved him more like a friend someone to be there for you someone to lean on he was my rock and I will be forever grateful to him" I tell Tom with a little smile.