"Hey fake blondie…" Haley quips as she walks into the living room and drops down onto the couch next to Peyton.
"Hi" Peyton offers a small smile in the brunette's direction as she watches the latter put a small bag on the ground.
"How ya' feeling, girlie?" Lucas is buried in paperwork upstairs, and most importantly, he's out of ear shot. She only asks the question when the two of them alone, otherwise the only responses she ever gets are 'Fine' and 'Just a little tired'. But when it's just the two of them, when the blonde feels comfortable enough to let her guard down and stop putting all her energy into pretending, she'll answer honestly. Her response might not always be long or detailed, but it's the one opportunity Peyton get's to at least say some version 'I don't feel well', and Haley makes sure to provide it whenever she can.
"Today hasn't been so bad. Just really tired and a little nauseous." The blonde takes a deep breath hoping to at least temporarily ease the turning of her stomach. Haley watches her eyes slide shut and her brows knit closer together, a look Haley's become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. "Maybe more than a little"
"Chemo day?"
"Chemo day." She confirms with a small nod of her head. It's what they two of them have started using to sum of Peyton's symptoms after a treatment. They'd all breathed a sigh of relief when Dr. Collins had confirmed that she didn't have Leukemia; Peyton was the only one who didn't seem surprised by the news that came a few weeks later. Her body had already been attacking her platelets without reason, she'd said there was no reason to be shocked that her body had decided to stop wanting to produce them in the first place. She'd been unnervingly calm when she referred to the slowed production of her other blood cells as cautionary. Then she'd stopped talking to everyone for the next few days.
Now the blonde burrows deeper into the comforter that's wrapped around her shoulders, and Haley bites her bottom lip at the chill she knows is sweeping through her friend's frail body. Because she knows Peyton is busy being strong for everyone else, Haley tires her damndest to be strong for her, but she can't deny that sometimes it all hits hers. She can't deny that sometimes it's hard and she wants nothing more than to walk around pretending everything's going to be okay.
"I'm sorry…" She rests her hand on Peyton's covered legs and gives a slight squeeze, the other girl no longer attempting to smile back as a wave of nausea washes over her. "Can I get you anything?" She watches as Peyton shakes her head, eyes closed and the corner of her lip pulled between her teeth.
"What's in the bag? Looks kinda like a gift." She nods towards the blue bag sitting by Haley's feet a minute later, wiping away the few tears that have started traveling down her cheeks. "You know who could really use a gift right now?"
"You…" Haley reaches down to lift the small shopper into the empty space between their bodies.
"Yes, me." If it was anyone else, she'd force herself to sit up, but thankfully it's Haley, and she stays lying pressed against the back of the sofa as she slips her arm from beneath the comforter and slides her hand into the blue bag. The paper crinkles around her hand as she slides out the leather bound journal and sets in on the small space of cushion in front of her stomach.
"I know Luke's always been the one obsessed with words, but I thought you still might find it useful. You don't like putting anything on any of us, and you've almost always got your guard up, I just figured it would do you some good to have a way to talk to about what's going on in your head, particularly stuff you don't want to say out loud." Haley lays her hand over Peyton's and gives a secure squeeze that blonde immediately returns. "Every other page is blank if you'd rather draw. You don't have to use it at all, but I wanted you to have the option if you wanted it."
"Haley…thank you." She doesn't know if she'll have the energy to write anything down on most days, if she'll be able to put any of her deepest thoughts into words that make sense, but she supposes that's the entire point of the journal…it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but her.
"You're still welcome to talk to me anytime you want, too…" Haley watches Peyton give small nod as the blonde give her hand one last squeeze before grabbing the journal and pulling her hand back under the warmth of the comforter. She knows the chances of Peyton opening up are pretty slim; after all, she's been unsuccessfully trying to get her friend to do just that since Nathan's visit three weeks ago. She'd known as soon as he pulled into the driveway that evening because of his car's headlights. She thought it was odd that he didn't come inside after a few moments, and when over ten minutes had gone by, she'd opened the front door to see him still sitting in the front seat, his head pressed against the steering wheel.
As she leans against the door frame and stares at her husband, she wishes she were more confused about what's taking place in front of her, but she's not. Nathan's been taking everything disturbingly well over the last few months. It's not that he hasn't been affected, but he's yet to talk about what he's feeling. Haley never expected to him to continually shed tears, he and Peyton had been cool but still keeping each other at arms length when she vanished from Tree Hill…and he's Nathan. But still…Nathan's managed to acknowledge that Peyton's extremely sick without really treating her any differently than he would have if she never left, and he does it effortlessly.
As she pushes off the frame and makes her way down the stone walkway, she knows that something particularly bad has happened in the Scott/Sawyer household that afternoon. Nathan's witnessed something in the last few hours that he can't shake, and a wave of guilt crashes over her at the overwhelming feeling of relief that she's not the one that went over there when Luke called.
Nathan doesn't look up when the car door opens. His eyes stay closed and his foot continues to tap a steady rhythm against the car mat even as his wife sits in the seat beside him and closes her door. She whispers his name, but gets no response except the repeated thud of his foot on the floor. His hands are crossed on top of the steering wheel, and she gentles lays one of her own on top of his. He clasps her fingers between his; he's not quite ready to put this into words, but her presence is a god send in this moment. He'll let it out when he's ready, she know this and better than to push him, but his continued silence makes the pressure in her chest return and build. She'll continue to sit next to him for as long as he needs though, because it's such a rare occurrence for him to openly seek emotional comfort.
He turns to her eventually, his back falling against the seat and their fingers remaining knotted as their hands land on his thigh. "She's watching her mother die." The words are so quiet Haley barley hears them, but their impact doesn't change. "She stands at her mother's side while she's kneeling over the toilet and holds her hair back." Haley pales at an image she never wanted in her head and her eyes immediately start to water. "Nothing about that is okay." His voice cracks over the last words and Haley pulls him towards her, wrapping her arms as tightly around him as the console between them will allow. "Peyton knows that but she's completely helpless to do anything about it. She can't make herself not get sick, though I'm positive she tries like hell to do just that, and it just make her worse. And when she can't hide it anymore, there's Alex's six year old hands rubbing circles on her back and telling her it's going to be okay. Haley, there's something so…." There's a long list of words Haley could use to finish that statement…wrong…sick…disturbing…nauseating…but none of them seem like enough.
As the days went by, Haley also become more certain that none of those words could come close to how Peyton must feel being in that horribly reversed position. So she's been visiting more frequently, and trying like hell to get Peyton to open up to her, but the blonde never truly broaches the subject of her daughter.
As if on cue, Haley turns at the sound of movement behind her and smiles at the sight of Alex carefully descending the stairs, sheets of paper and her box of crayons clutched to her chest. "You're gonna be great, you know" She turns at the sound of Peyton's voice and can't stop the look of confusion that washes over her face. Peyton nods towards her, her hazel eyes focused on Haley's stomach. The brunette looks down to see her hand laying over her abdomen and knows that the look of shock on her faces means it's too late to deny it. "You probably don't even realize, but your hand goes to your stomach every time you see her. That and your boobs are growing."
"18 weeks and counting..." She eventually says with a smile. They hadn't planned on telling anyone until she was safely out of her first trimester, but then the 12 week mark had passed and neither of them knew how to bring it up. It didn't feel right to be deliriously happy about a baby when their friends had just lost one. It didn't feel right to be talking about the life she was creating when Peyton was fighting to keep hers. It's a relief to watch a genuine smile spread across Peyton's face, especially considering they won't be able to hide it much longer.
"Congratulations" The word comes out slightly stressed and it takes Haley a moment to realize that it's not from the particular conversation they're having, but due to Peyton trying to lift herself into a seated position. Even with Haley's arm suddenly wrapped around her back, it takes more energy than she has to spare, but she just needs to push through the next few moments.
"Peyton…"
"She won't be able to reach from the couch, and I just want to sit with her for a bit. Really sit with her…" It comes out slightly pleading, and Peyton feels suddenly embarrassed as her eyes flick between Haley and her daughter, who's almost at the bottom of the stairs. Haley doesn't look at her with pity though, the brunette simply shifts closer to her friend and all but lifts her from the couch and guides their bodies down to the floor.
"If she's not reading, she's drawing. You and Luke definitely have some strong genes."
"Or maybe she's just six…" the blonde raises a brow as Haley readjusts the comforter around her shoulders.
"Yeah… no. Tell your mommy you have her genes" Haley looks past Peyton as Alex rounds the sofa, confusion slowly taking over her features.
"Why would I have mommy's jeans? They're too big for me" Both women chuckle lightly, which only serves to make Alex more confused.
"It's a different kind of genes, baby" Haley would be happy to explain it further, but the small blonde doesn't seem particularly interested as she cocks an eyebrow up in a move that was definitely learned from her mother. She's normally more inquisitive and would be asking a million and one questions, but as she sets her drawing supplies down on the coffee table and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand, it becomes clear that she's just woken up.
"Come here, little miss" Alex shifts her gaze away from her aunt, and she doesn't hesitate to cover the short distance to her mother, quickly nestling herself comfortably between Peyton's legs. "Did you have a good nap?" She nods against her mother's chest, and Haley smiles softly as she watches Peyton drop a kiss on her daughter's head. She knows neither of them would mind if she stayed on the floor with them, but she feels a bit like an intruder as she listens to Peyton whisper against the shell of Alex's ear and witnesses the shy smile the breaks across the little girl's face. Neither of the blondes gives any indication that they notice as Haley lifts herself from the floor and moves towards the kitchen, Peyton simply wraps her arms around her daughter's middle as Alex opens her box of crayons.
The brunette's spent more than enough time in this kitchen to maneuver around with ease. She finds a box of spaghetti in the cabinet, along with a jar of sauce. It may not be anything fancy, but making dinner is an easy way to take something off Luke's plate for the evening. It'll also give her some time to think about how to bring up the conversation she had with Nathan earlier in the week. She knows his immediate answer will be no, but she needs to figure out how to at least talk about it long enough to plant the seed in his head before he shuts her down completely.
She plays the conversation out in her head over and over, trying to predict her best friend's responses and prepare her own. She knows the chances of Lucas actually sticking to a script he knows nothing about are slim, but as she stirs the pasta it makes her feel better to feel prepared. She moves around the kitchen in such a state of auto-pilot that she nearly drops the colander when she turns to find Lucas watching her. "Jesus, Luke…"
"You should be glad I'm not a psycho stalker" he shrugs as he finally walks into the room. He hadn't been surprised to find his best friend downstairs. When the scent of food had wafted up to his office, he'd known either she or Brooke was making dinner.
"Well apparently you have just been standing their watching me. So…" She turns back to the stove to continue cooking.
"Trying to solve the mystery of why you're in my kitchen when you have a perfectly good one of your own" He reaches over her shoulder to grab a few noodles before turning to settle back against the counter next to her. She cuts her eyes at him, but he simply tilts his head back to drop the noodles into his mouth.
"Zero house training, I tell you. My kitchen was just cleaned, so I figured I'd make a mess here."
"Well aren't you just that most considerate best friend a guy could ask for." He lays his hand over his heart as though he's deeply wounded, but he knows what prompts her and Brooke to randomly show up in his kitchen throughout the week, and he's eternally grateful for all they do for him and his family. "Do you need some help?"
"Oh, you mean do I need someone to fake productivity while actually just eating?" She inclines her head toward him with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah…no"
"This is my kitchen, and that is my food" He crosses his arms in front of him and returns the accusatory look that she sent him seconds ago.
"Your kitchen, your food, and what exactly is your point?" She nearly sends him to the living room to spend time with his family, but that feels like running scared and hiding from what she fears will quickly escalate into a hushed argument. "Besides arming you with something heavy or sharp might not be in my best interest at the moment" She chances a glance in his direction and immediately sees the playful glint vanish from his eyes.
The two of them have only ever fought about one thing in the last few months, so he knows wherever this conversation is suddenly heading, Peyton is at the center of it. "I'd rather just eat dinner. You can stay or you can go, but whatever this is turning into…" he gestures between them with his hand as he shakes his head in irritation. "…it's really not necessary"
"And I really wish that were true…" She signs as she puts the lid on the pan before dropping her chin to her chest. "I know you don't like talking about this and I'm not trying to torture you and shove things down your throat that you're more than well aware of…"
"So don't"
"Luke…" she shakes her head, partially at sudden cold tone of his voice, but mostly because she still doesn't know what to say. She knows it might be the only way to get through to him, but she'd like to avoid engraving the image Peyton and Alex on the bathroom floor in his mind. It's evident in the weight he's been steadily losing and the permanent bags that have taken up residence under his eyes that Lucas is doing everything he can to hold his life and family together. But he's only human, and he can't possibly be everywhere and do everything no matter how hard he tries. Haley knows that his first thought would be that he failed, and she wants to help Lucas, not shame him into doing what she wants. "She's getting worse, Luke."
"Haley…" his voice sounds tired and pained. The way his shoulders suddenly sag makes Haley believe that her best friend is acutely aware of Peyton's rapidly declining health and that he already feels like a failure.
"When she had Amy bring Alex to us, it wasn't the right decision…" He lifts his head to look at her and the curiosity is clear in his eyes. "...but it wasn't the wrong one either." And just as quickly that curiosity is gone and his posture is rigid. She thought she'd have more time to explain, to work up to her point, but Lucas has already drawn his own conclusions and he very obviously doesn't approve of this conversation.
"I want you to think very, very carefully about what you're about to say" They both know that what he really means is that she should stop talking altogether. He's never understood how she can remain calm and rational when talking about Peyton's health, about her death.
"I already have. Unless I'm planning to reveal some magical cure, you're not going to want to hear it." She's going to get this out, even if they don't really talk about it, she's going to at least plant the seed.
"I'm sure I can finish making dinner for my family. You can go home now"
"She's dying Lucas. It's unfathomably painful and it's happen faster than any of us would like." She shakes her head as she runs her hands through her hair.
"Haley…"
"She's really sick, Luke…"
"Are you seriously…"
"…and she spends almost all of her time trying to pretend that she's not." She wonders how frequently Peyton lets her guard down around him. She wonders how frequently Peyton truly lets her guard down at all. "We all decided that Peyton should move in with you because it would be the best thing for Alex to be with both her parents. She needed her mom, her mom needed her, and they both needed you. I'm just not sure that this is what Peyton needs anymore." That doesn't sound that way she intended it to, but she can't take those words back. And even if Lucas suddenly looks like he's been slapped, it doesn't make them any less true.
"I don't see how tearing apart my family is in anyone's best interest" He wants to be angry, and on some level he is absolutely livid, but his voice makes it clear that mostly he's just hurt.
"That's not what I'm suggesting, that's not what anyone wants. We were thinking about the beach house. It's not far from here and either Brooke or I would stay with her, and it wouldn't be a permanent thing, but more like a trial to see if it helps. Or maybe we could come up with something else, this is really just one option and there could be others." She's babbling now and she knows it. It's something she's always done, forcing as many words into a few breaths as possible when she's not confident in what she's saying.
"'We..." His voice manages to break on that single syllable. He's not sure if he's being irrational or not, but that pronoun make him feel betrayed.
"It's not like that…" At least it wasn't supposed to be. It wasn't this grand scheme to ruin Luke's life, but they all failed to consider how it might seem to him to learn all his friends were making plans about his life behind his back. "It's just an idea, Luke. That's all." She takes a deep breath before closing the gap between them and throwing her arms around him. She doesn't want to hurt him. Breaking her best friend's heart is just about the last thing she wants to do. But further down that list is watching her niece watch the life drain out of her mother. Further down that list is watching Peyton continuously make herself worse and doing nothing about it. "She needs to be able to just be sick, and she can't do that here"
"Thank you for making dinner, I really do appreciate it." He presses his lips to the crown of her head before stepping out of Haley's embrace. "I would appreciate it even more if you went home." He doesn't look at her as he reaches to turn off the stove, or before he turns and walks out of the room.
When she opens her eyes, the gray walls in front of her let Peyton know she fell asleep after the dinner she couldn't eat and Lucas carried her up to their room. As of late, he does it more frequently than not on most nights. He drapes a damp wash cloth over her head when she breaks out in night sweats. He makes her food that she rarely eats. And when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find her side of the bed empty, he sits with his back against the wall and cradles her head in his lap as they sleep on the bathroom floor.
She rolls toward him and curls her body into his side, her head lying on his chest. His arm simultaneously wraps around her shoulders to pull her closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't." He whispers the words against her hair. He's too wound up to sleep right now. He can't seem to settle on an emotion, so he jumps around from feeling hurt, to angry, to sad, to scared in no particular or and for no particular length of time.
"You don't get to be pissed at Haley"
"Like hell I don't." The words are out of his mouth before he can comprehend the implication of hers.
"Luke…"
"You…" She nods against him in confirmation. "Peyton, I'm sorry. I didn't…"
"Apparently if you're quiet enough, voices can travel in this house. I should be the one apologizing for eavesdropping." She means for it to break some of the tension in his body, but as far as she can tell it only seems to make things worse. "It's not the worst idea in the world." Her voice is small as she traces patterns against his t-shirt.
"You want to move out?" He knows he's not the best at juggling at the different aspects of their life, but it never occurred to him that he was messing up this badly. He's been trying to stay on top of everything, and he wonders if doing just that has stopped him from being providing the support Peyton really needs.
"No, I…" It's not what she wants. Being away from her family could never be what she wants, but how can she say that to him when leaving her family is exactly what they're talking about. "What I want is to not be having this conversation, to not need to." She shakes her head as she bites her lip and tries to fight off tears. "I want to have waited another day before leaving Tree Hill. I want to have more selfish and not cared if Brooke was pregnant too. I wished for this, Luke. Back in high school, whenever I was lying in your arms, I hoped that I'd be able to do that for the rest of my life. I know we were only kids and we never really had a relationship, but I wanted to spend my life with you and I wanted to have a family with you."
"Peyton…" He lifts her chin so that he can look her in the eyes and uses his thumb to wipe away the tears sliding down her cheeks.
"I got what I wished for. I just…What I want is to have been more specific about what I wanted" He doesn't have a response for her. He knows there are no words that could make her feel better because there are no words that could make him feel better. He'd wished for the same things. From the moment he first laid eyes on her, he'd dreamed that one day they'd fall in love and when she vanished from Tree Hill, he'd promised himself that if he ever got her back he'd never let her go. He never imagined that their forever would be cut short.
""I love you. So much. We can figure this out, I can make this work. What do you need me to do? How can I make this better?"
"I love you, Luke, but it's not that simple. It's not you, it's me. I can't stand the idea of Alex seeing me like this. I know that she's just happy spending time with me. She's too young to understand that this isn't how her childhood is supposed to be, but I'm not."
"I just…I don't…."
"I know, baby, I know." As long as she has the strength, she doubts she'll have stop pretending for her daughter, and if she's really honest with herself, she prefers to pretend with Lucas too. "It wouldn't be like last time, and it wouldn't be for that long."
"I know that, but it's still you leaving." Although the logical side of him understands what's being said, a larger part of him can't wrap his head around the idea that he and Alex are doing the opposite of healing her. "What if it doesn't help? What if all this does is…take away time that we could be spending together." It feels wrong saying something like that. It feels like giving up.
"I don't have to go anywhere, Luke." She presses closer to him, her head resting back on his chest. She doesn't have to go anywhere. She's happy being here in his arms, happy watching their daughter smile and laugh. She doesn't want to miss out on any of it.
But the issue isn't whether she has to, or if she wants to. And they both know it.
"I don't like this…"
"None of us like this." Luke's been muttering variations of that statement for the last two weeks, but Haley never expected anything else. They haven't spoken much since he all but kicked her out of the house. He's not quite ignoring her, but their relationship has definitely been strained. There's nothing she can do to make this better for him, but she can let him misdirect his anger towards her if it helps him get through this. "It's just for the summer Luke"
"Three months is a long time, especially…" he shakes his head and buries his hands in his pockets. They'd agreed that he and Alex would spend every Saturday at the beach house, but otherwise Luke would have to stop by on his own. He'd fought them on it, but Brooke had ultimately put her foot and down and said she wouldn't let them in. "There's no point to any of this if the two of you are just going to spend all your time at the beach house. It that's your plan, then she should just stay home." So he'd reluctantly agreed to limit his family time to one day a week, to 12 days out of the upcoming 90. Alex had taken to the idea better than he had. She'd shaken her head and cried at first, but when Peyton swore that they'd still see each other every few days, Alex had calmed down and been much too adult in holding her mother's hand and saying she wanted her to get better. "I feel like I'm putting her in some kind of hospice."
"That's what you're trying to avoid" She places a hand on his shoulder, though she knows it's not providing him any really comfort.
"Is Nate okay to keep watching Alex for a while longer?" Nathan had stayed home with Alex while he and Haley brought Peyton to the beach house.
"Yeah, it's no problem." She looks up as Brooke opens the back door and steps out onto the deck.
"Then I'm gonna go lie down with her for a bit." He offers them both a close mouthed smile before slipping into the house and heading for the back room.
"We're doing the right thing, right?" Brooke leans her elbows against the railing and drops her head into her hands.
"I hope so." Haley runs a hand through her hair before turning away from the door and focusing her gaze on the other woman. "Are you sure about this Brooke? Being the one who moves in here, I mean. This isn't about telling Peyton that everything's going to be okay and it's all going to work out in the end. You can't try and shove hope down her throat or she's just going to bottle everything up."
"I know that Haley. I know this is going to be hard and exhausting. And I know I haven't been the best at facing really facing everything, but I can do this. I promised her that I would be there for her and I meant it. Besides, Nathan's right, all the stress wouldn't be good for the baby and that who you have to be focused on right now." Nathan had announced her pregnancy when she wouldn't stop offering to be that one who moved into the beach house. "I can handle this, Haley. For her, I'll figure it out" She wants to sound more convincing, more sure of herself, but all her determination doesn't change that fact that she's scared about the next few months.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to second guess you, it's just that this is a a lot for anyone to take on."
"It is a lot. But whatever I may have to go through, Peyton has to go through worse, so like I said, I'll figure it out."
"You don't have to deal with it alone Brooke. We're all here if you need help. Just don't forget that." She rests a hand on Brooke's back and silently prays that they are in fact doing the right thing.
An hour later when they make their way back inside they assumed they'd hear hushed voices coming from down the hall, but it's a silent house that greets them. Brooke makes her way towards Peyton's room and peers through the crack in the door to find Peyton asleep and Lucas spooned against her, his hand slowly stroking her best friend's hair. As hard as this is going to be for her, it'll be harder for him. "Luke, it's getting late." She feels like she's intruding on them, shattering something extremely fragile, but dragging this out won't make it any easier when he has to go home without Peyton, when he has to fall asleep tonight without her next to him.
"I don't wanna wake her, and I can't leave without saying goodbye…" He doesn't turn to look at her as he speaks; his focus stays on the only person who matters to him at the moment.
"This isn't goodbye. And we both know that if you wait until she wakes up you won't leave until she falls back asleep."
"Then I'll stay until she falls back asleep." She sighs as she leans against the door frame, but his hand continues its motions.
"Luke, Alex knows her mother isn't coming home tonight. That means you have to" The mention of his daughter causes his hand to still. She feels guilty at bringing Alex into this, but as brave as that little girl is being, the longer it takes her father to walk through the door, the more uneasy she's going to feel.
"If she even hints that she wants to come home…"
"Then I'll bring her home. If at any point any of this seems like it's doing more harm than good, I'll bring her home."
"Okay." It's not enough for him, but it has to be. "I love you" He whispers against her hair before pressing his lips to the back of her head. And then he pulls the blanket up over her shoulders and stands up from the bed and forces himself to put one foot in front of the other until he's out of the room and walking down the hallway.
Haley stands up from the sofa when she sees him coming down the hall. She wants to find something comforting to say, but that best thing she can do for Lucas right now is get him out of this house. "I'll drive." His only acknowledgment is the slight nod of his head before he walks out the front door.
"I'll take care of her, you take care of him. He'll be okay eventually, but the first few days…"
"He's going to be a mess. You take care of her, and I'll take care of him. Just make sure you take care of you too, Brooke." They've never been close friends, and they're a far cry from being that way now, but that doesn't stop Haley from wrapping her arms tightly around Brooke's body or Brooke from hugging her just as firmly back. "See you later, Brooke"
"See ya, Tutor Wife."
"Thanks for watching her, Nate"
"You know I never mind hanging out with her" He waves his brother off as he continue wiping down the counter. "We ate dinner, we watched some TV, she read me a story, and now she's supposed to be sleeping, but I'd pretty sure she's waiting for you to come say goodnight." His niece had been her usually chatterbox self throughout the afternoon, but as the hours went by, she'd become increasingly quiet as she kept stealing glances at the clock. "Go tuck your daughter in, I'll take out the trash and lock up on my way out."
"Thanks. Good night, Nate"
"Night" He watches Lucas walk up the stairs and knows that although his brother won't, at least his niece should sleep peacefully tonight. He turns the light over the stove on and switches off the over head light in the kitchen before grabbing the bag at the end of the counter. He double checks that the back door is still locked and then makes his way out to his wife.
Lucas hears the front door close as he makes his way down the hallway to his daughter's room. He hopes that she's fallen asleep, that she hasn't been sitting up waiting to make sure that he was really coming back. As he peers into her room, he's startled to find her covers pulled back and his daughter nowhere in sight. "Alex…" he starts back down the hall and feels the knot in his chest loosen when he hears rustling coming from his broom. He pushes the door open just as she's sliding down from the bed, and before he knows it she's in his arms and wrapped around him and in a way that lets him know that Brooke was right. "I'm home, baby"
"I missed you" Her voice is small and muffled against his neck.
"I'm sorry I wasn't home sooner" He kisses the side of her head as moves towards the bed. "How do you feel about sleeping in here tonight?" She doesn't hesitate to nod as he lays her down "Then it's settled. Now it's late. You should close those pretty little eyes of yours and dream big, great, wonderful things." His lips find her forehead before he pulls the blanket back up over her. "I love you very, very much"
"I love you, too" He kisses her one last time before standing up and making his way to the bathroom. He just wants to shower and then crawl into bed to sleep the rest of this miserable day away.
He stays under the spray of hot water until steam relaxes him to the point of wanting nothing more than to pass out. "This was the right thing to do" he whispers to himself as he pulls a shirt over his head. "This is what she needs" He doesn't know if either of those statements is true, but she'd wanted to try and that had been all that mattered.
He steps out of the bathroom to find Alex wrapped around Peyton's pillow and the tears he's been fending off all day finally win out. As he lies down next to her, she peeks over the edge of the pillow with watery eyes. "You've been really brave and such a big girl lately. I'm super proud of you, baby" He tucks her hair behind her ears before pulling her closer to him, Peyton's pillow and scent wedged between them. "But it's okay to be sad that mommy's not feeling well and that she's not going to be living with us for a little while. Those things make me very sad, so it's alright if they make you sad too."
"I miss my mommy" He watches the tears spill down her cheeks and wonders if maybe they all could benefit from a little less pretending.