~Really Not Fine at All~

Yep this is an update shocking as it is.

Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!

Sharon's POV but also includes Andrea and Gavin's POV.

Waiting at the lobby doors, Andrea could see that things were very tense between Sharon and Andy. There was no way to miss it. With a shake of her head, she asked herself, when they were going to stop doing this to themselves. She couldn't help but feel frustrated with Sharon. She was a strong independent woman and she admired that, but my god, the woman was stubborn. Maybe it was time for her to give Gavin a call. Their mutual friend was the most ruthless schemer she knew and he did it with a smile on his face so you never knew what hit you. Andrea knew she needed reinforcements if these two didn't stop breaking each other's hearts. Something needed to be done, perhaps an intervention before Sharon did or said something that couldn't be fixed. The look of misery on her friend's face as she approached her broke the DDA's heart as she held the front door open.

Andrea was worried when Sharon barely acknowledged her. They didn't speak on the elevator ride up and her friend went straight to her room, she hadn't heard anything from her since. She was thinking she might need to call in the big guns if she couldn't get Sharon to talk to her or to eat. After giving her a few hours of privacy, she took a tray with some lunch into her. Trying to coax her into talking didn't work; all she got was a few hmms and groans. There was no way she could get her to eat. As Andrea watched over her friend lying in a fetal position, she did wonder what the box was that Sharon was holding on to for dear life. Quietly but firmly she told her, "I'm leaving the water and medication here. Take them, Sharon. I can see from here that you're hurting and not just emotionally." That comment earned her a louder groan as Sharon pulled the blanket over her head. Andrea rubbed her friends back through the heavy quilt as she said, "Well, know that I'm here if you want to talk or even if you just want someone to sit by you for support. I'll be back in an hour to bring your sandwich and soup that you need to eat a few bites of." As Andrea closed the door, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Yes, it's time to bring in the big ammo." She said out loud to the empty living room.

As Gavin was just hanging up from one frantic phone call his phone rang once again. After hearing Andrea explain what was going on with Sharon, he said he be right over. She was sitting on the couch unsure of what to do next, except to wait for help to arrive. She jumped, but happily hurried to get up when she heard the light rap on the front door. "Thank you for coming so quickly, Gavin."

Sharon had no idea how long she had spent curled up in bed with her arms wrapped around Andy's gift. All she knew is that she never wanted to get up again. She shifted her knees in tighter and heard the paper on the box tear a little. The poor package was crumbled and crushed now, but it wasn't in the best of shape when he practically threw it at her anyways. She was not anywhere near prepared to open it. She just clung to it as if it was the last bit of Andy she had left. It was easier to lay there and let the silent tears stream down her face than face the reality that she had done it again. She had pushed away the man she loved because she couldn't face the truth and tell him how she felt. Why did she think it was better to let Andy go than to try and hold on to him? She could lay here suffering, trying to convince herself that he didn't really care for her, but she knew in her head and so deeply in her heart that Andy did love her, if she was just honest with herself, that's what scared her the most. If she let down her armor, opened her heart and let him in, Andy would see the real person she was and he would leave her just like…."ugh," Sharon said out loud as she stopped her thought process. She didn't even want to bring her ex's name into her thoughts. She kicked her legs out in frustration, but only succeeded with opening up the blanket cocoon she was under and hurting her side in the process.

Hearing her bedroom door open again, but she made no effort to acknowledge who came in. Sharon knew it was rude of her, but she had no energy left in her to care right now. Why couldn't everyone understand she just wanted to be left alone? To be able to hide away just for a little while, maybe disappearing for a day, a week, or a year might help her. Though she could hear a voice talking to her, she chose to stay laying on her side staring into space or at her wall across her room. Sharon wondered when that spot got there. She should really wash all the walls in her condo or maybe she'd paint them all. She hadn't updated the place in a long time, except for a few changes of a throw pillow here or there.

She flinched a little when she heard her name spoken louder. "Sharon Raydor, are you even listening to what I'm saying?" When Gavin got no reply he stepped in front of her, blocking the view of the wall. He had no idea on what had Sharon's attention there. He raised his voice as if he was scolding a client or reprimanding Brenda Leigh for not listening to his advice. He said firmly, "if you don't give me some sort of sign that you are here in this room with us than I am calling your doctor and…"

"I'm fine, Gavin," Sharon's eyes never left the spot. Even though he stood in the way, it was as if she was looking through him.

He rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his hip. "Um no, you are really not fine at all." As he watched a tear roll down the side of her face, he could feel his heart tighten in his chest. She never moved, he didn't think she realized she was even crying, though it was only a few tears that had spilled over her lashes. Gavin sat next to her on the bed. He took one of her hands in his, he was getting worried about his friend and demanded, "Sharon, look at me, now."

His command startled her and it snapped her mind out of her fog. Blinking a few times to clear her thoughts caused the rest of the tears pooling in her eyes to fall. She tried to pull her hand out of Gavin's grip but the man refused to let go. Instead, he used his other hand to wipe the tears away with a tissue from her nightstand. He noticed when he first got there that her eyes, nose, and cheeks were red and looked tender. In all the years he had known her, he had only seen this strong powerful woman cry a few times, but never like this. Not even after the jackass of a husband that left her over and over again. He barely heard it. He wasn't even sure he did hear her. If it weren't for the gasp of breath she did after speaking, he wouldn't have believed it. "No, Sharon, it does matter and it's not too late," he told her softly as he patted her hand.

She nodded her head up and down roughly. "Yes it is," she said in a low defeated voice. "Gavin, I've put Andy through too much. No sane man would wait this long to just have to deal with all my problems and…."

"Sharon, stop just stop." He turned slightly to face her, "Honey, that man loves you and isn't ever going to give up on you. The problem is you seem to have given up on yourself. I don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, but I know Jack has..." he saw her flinch when he mentioned her ex. "Now I know that man did a number on you, but you have been separated from him for decades. Though the pain he caused, you carry with you every day. You need to stop punishing yourself and mostly stop punishing Andy." Sharon eyes snapped up to his. "Yes, stop punishing the poor guy, all he did was fall in love with you."

Sharon slowly sat up keeping a hold of her gift, which she placed in her lap. Looking at Gavin she sadly said, "You don't understand I said some horrible things. There's no way he'd even want to see me again."

Her eyes went back to the tattered box, her fingers played with the purple ribbon. The whole time it had been her possession she hadn't wanted to open it until now, but it wasn't the right time. Just then, Andrea came in Sharon's bedroom carrying a tray of food and a cup of tea. "Well, it seems that we are going to have a slumber party in here since we can't get you out of your bed. I know you should rest, but we both agree that you are overdoing it by over-thinking. So we are here to stop you from thinking for just a little while and maybe have some fun."

Her friend, sitting next to her, said in a hopeful voice, "It's been a long time since I've seen you smile."

Setting the tray at the end of the bed, Andrea picked up a DVD case that was on the tray. "How about as you wallow in your misery…"

"Hey!" Sharon interjected. She knew it was the truth and she really didn't want a pity party.

Andrea waved her hand at her dismissively, "yeah, yeah. Why don't we watch Mama Mia?"

Gavin jumped off the bed. "I get to be Tonya," he said in an excited voice. He then pointed at Sharon and smiled, "you are obviously Donna with all that moping you've been doing. Annndd that makes you Rosie," he added as he spun back to Andrea. Sharon couldn't help but laugh at the excitement shining on his face.

In between laughs, Andrea said, trying to catch her breath, "too bad Emily's not here. She could do her Sophie parts like in the old days."

"The old days? It was just a few years ago." Sharon held her left side as she tried not to laugh too hard at the sight in front of her. Gavin had wrapped one of her silk scarves around his neck and he and Andrea were dancing arms interlocked at their elbows as they spun on a circle. "Oh, you two stop, my side is hurting." They immediately halted their dance; Sharon could see Andrea's look of concern. She hadn't meant to scare them. So she quickly said, "I'm fine. It just hurts to laugh too much."

"Fine? Oh sure right, but okay, let's settle down." Sharon smirked at that since she was the one sitting in bed and they were the ones causing trouble. "I am going to make the margaritas, but none for you, Missy. You need to take your meds and they don't mix well with alcohol." Gavin unwrapped the scarf from around his neck and placed it around Sharon's before he left the room.

Sharon watched as Andrea moved the tray closer to her. She knew her good friend would make sure she ate her food so she got down what she could when Gavin came back with their drinks. As he placed them on the dresser he said, "I brought a change of clothes for tomorrow and some sleepwear for tonight. I'll go change and you girls can get ready for bed too." He picked up a bag by the bedroom door that Sharon hadn't noticed before. She was distracted earlier after all, between her heartbreaking and her friends trying to keep her mind from over-thinking.

She was concerned at how quiet Andrea had gotten when Sharon had told her that she didn't need any help changing. That's when she turned to Sharon and said she was leaving. She stopped her friend by saying. "What do you mean good-night? I thought we were going to watch a movie and have drinks?"

"Oh I wasn't planning on staying and Gavin's here to help you if needed. Not that you will that is." The DDA said as she was straightening up the pillows they had knocked off Sharon's bed while they were goofing around.

To Sharon, Andrea sounded down and frankly she didn't want her to leave. She needed the distraction they were giving her. So she suggested, "well I need both of my best friends right now and I have something you can wear to bed. You won't leave me will you?"

After they all were changed and ready for bed. Sharon got under the covers first. With Andrea on her right and Gavin on her left, they got comfortable and started the movie. As the credits rolled Sharon tried to hide her sadness once more, but couldn't hold back a sniffle. She had always really liked this movie but it was making her melancholy and made her miss her daughter even more. She and Emily always had a close relationship. She tried in earnest to blink the tears away that were building in her eyes but she couldn't. They were filling up faster than she could control, mostly because if she was honest with herself, she was missing Andy too, though she didn't know why. Well, she knew why, but she had no claim on him, no right after what she had done to the man, to just call him. It's much more complicated than that.

She could feel Gavin turn her way as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Maybe it's time to man-up, Sharon." She glared at him, "let me amended my statement. It's time to woman-up."

Andrea chimed in as she handed her a tissue, "yes, take the bull by the horns."

"Stop and smell the roses or better yet, stop and smell that silverfox of yours. He does smell incredible." Sharon tilted her head in question as she looked at Gavin. "What? You know it's true. The last time I was in that murder room Flynn and I chatted, of course you can't be near the man and not smell him. He is quite irresistible."

"Love is a battlefield, but you are a fighter." Andrea gasped then said with smile, "oh wait, you're worried about something else aren't you? Well, from what I hear, it's just like riding a bike." She watched both of her annoying friends double over in laughter. Sharon was sure they thought they were funny, but she could admit to herself that it was all a comedy or a comedy of errors. Oh no, now they had her thinking like that and she groaned.

"Like ABBA and the movie said, take a chance on love." Between giggling, they took turns just throwing out expressions. "Every dog has its day. Step up to the plate. The ball is in your court."

Sharon rolled-her eyes and held a hand up saying, "Alright, alright stop with the clichés. It's too late, but if it makes you feel better, I'll think about it. Andy said he'd give me two days, though it would never work out. I'm too difficult to deal with."

Andrea sat closer to her, Sharon watched as she shook her head and asked, "Really? It's not too late and never say never. Yes, you can be stubborn and hard to handle, we all have our moments, but Sharon, you have a huge heart. You just need to let him in."

She went back to staring at her hands as her friend continued, "you know that man cares for you deeply. He's just trying to give you the space he thinks you need or that you seem to think you need. Why keep him waiting longer? Hasn't he waited long enough?"

Sharon took a deep breath and let it out as she lay back on her pillow. She had a lot to absorb and was feeling exhausted. As things settled down and the three of them were under the covers, Sharon said quietly into the dark room, "thank you," to both of them. To her it felt like hours passed by as she lay there listening to her friend's deep breathing around her. Andrea's words kept playing in her head, why keep him waiting? Yes, why was she? Sharon knew she was scared at how intense her feelings were for Andy. It had been a long time since she felt this way about anyone or even let herself open up this way.

Not being able to rest she slipped out of bed, taking care not to wake up the sleeping beauties beside her, Sharon headed into the kitchen. She was planning on making some tea to help her sleep, but after pacing from room to room quietly repeating over and over, what Andrea and Gavin had been telling her all night. Sharon finally couldn't take it anymore and needed to get out of there. Maybe some fresh air would do her good, help her relax and help her slow her mind down. Quietly, she left a note on her nightstand so her friends wouldn't worry and tiptoed out of her room, but not before picking up the unopened gift.

Heading to her entryway Sharon slipped on her Uggs, grabbed her keys and quietly closed the door. She really didn't know what she was doing, but as she had been lying in bed, then putting in miles around her condo pacing, her friend's advice was sinking in. Maybe it was time for her to 'woman-up' like Gavin said. Now, she found herself in her car heading towards Andy's house in green fleece pajama pants, black tank top and her trench coat.

Sharon sat in her car for a while trying to gather the courage to knock on his front door. Andy said he'd give her two days but she was at the point where it was now or never. Again, she could hear Andrea's voice in her head saying take a chance on love. She quickly opened her car door and with a purpose made her way to Andy's front door. The sound of her knock seemed to echo in the night around her. She was fiddling with her fingers as she waited, but the wait seemed to become longer and longer. As Sharon stood there she started over-thinking. Would it be rude of her to knock again? Would it seem like she was impatient? Well, she was impatient so she rapped her knuckles against the wooden door and once again waited.

In the quiet of Andy's dark porch, she realized there were no lights on inside his house. Maybe he was just sleeping? It was late, she thought, though Sharon was sure the knock would have woken him up. As she paced back and forth in front of Andy's door, she came to the conclusion that he wasn't home. Instantly her mind went off in its own direction, but her heart clenched at the thought. She really hoped he wasn't out on a date already, especially with that Cindi girl. He did say he'd give her two days and if she had learned anything about Andy Flynn it was that he was a man of his word. Sharon sat on the top step for a few more minutes to calm herself down, then finally gave up on waiting and got back in her car. After taking several deep breaths and letting them out as slow as possible, she backed her car out of his driveway and drove away, with her ever so lonely heart as her oldest son had called it, pounding in her chest.

To get her mind off of Andy, she was trying to decide where she wanted to go. She didn't want to head home yet. Maybe a late night walk on the beach would be nice, but she was in her pajamas. It was dark though, so it should be fine she thought. A light in her rearview mirror pulled Sharon out of her thoughts. As she looked up, she saw red and blue lights flashing behind her. A groan echoed in her car as she said out loud, "a perfect way to top off a horrible day and a disappointing evening." With another louder groan Sharon slowly pulled over to the side of the road.

~TBC~

I want to thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites! They are all greatly appreciated!