Chapter 36: Exactly What You Wanted

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The last day in November was marked in celebration as Sarah's eighteenth birthday. The girl had managed to smuggle in two large bottles of elf-made, strawberry wine from an unsanctioned Hogsmeade trip. Rather than celebrate with a small party, Sarah opted for a little alone time with Regulus. The two cuddled up on the girl's bed, both having had more than their fill of the wine, talking about something that neither of them would care to remember in the morning.

"I...I think you're gonna make a good husband. I really do," Sarah insisted for the third time.

Regulus snorted a laugh and wrapped his arms around Sarah's waist, pulling her closer against him. "I think...that you're del-dul...deluse- Damn it." He rubbed his fingers over his eyes and shook his head. "I think you're wrong," he whispered.

Sarah rolled her eyes at the boy and pushed her fingers into his hair, twisting the strands around her fingers. She gave them a small tug and widened her eyes at the pleasured sound which came from Regulus. "What was that?" she laughed out, shifting so that she could look down at the boy's face.

"What?" Regulus settled himself back on the pillow and closed his eyes, trying to calm the dizzy feeling in his head.

Sarah didn't answer, she just pulled harder on the boy's hair and smiled when he made the same sound. "You like that, don't you?" she teased, running her hand over the boy's chest and pushing it up between his robes and shirt. She pushed the robes back off his shoulder and lowered her lips to his neck, immediately causing Regulus to push her away.

"Stop it," Regulus laughed out, trying to roll over. "I dun wanna... Too drunk." He waved his hand at the girl and whined loudly when she continued to pull his robes off his body. "Fine, you can have them," the boy said with a scowl as she tossed his robes onto the floor.

Things got a bit blurry, there was more hair pulling and kissing and Regulus found himself eagerly going along with it, despite his initial insistence that he was too drunk to snog Sarah. The next moment he could clearly focus on was the girl's horror stricken face as she stared down at his bare left arm. Regulus scurried to pull his shirt back on, but Sarah pushed it away, her soft brown eyes never leaving the grey markings on Regulus' skin.

"Th-this is some kind of joke, right?" Sarah whispered, her voice broken and scared.

Regulus was silent.

"I thought it was a rumor; you said it was a rumor," the girl insisted, turning her eyes to lock onto Regulus'. Tears graced the bottom of her lids and the corners of her mouth turned down into a frown. "I-I...I'm engaged to a Death Eater," she whispered after yet another long silence.

"Not technically," he answered, pulling his arm back and flipping the Dark Mark from her view.

"You're not technically a Death Eater?" she asked in confusion.

"We're not technically engaged."

"You bastard!" Sarah screamed, throwing her fists into the boy's chest. She unleashed a frenzied and half sobbed assault on Regulus, slapping his face, pounding her hands against his chest, squirming and shrieking as he merely held her tightly in his arms and whispered an apology over and over. It was a good ten minutes before she managed to wear herself out and collapsed against the boy with tears streaking down her face. She sniffled loudly and dragged the side of her hand across her nose, not caring in the slightest if it was disgusting. She was choking on her own sobs and shaking in Regulus' arms. "How could you lie to me? You're supposed to love me."

"I never said I loved you, Sarah," Regulus whispered. He hadn't meant to say it, but he didn't regret his choice either. Even the broken look in Sarah's eyes wasn't enough to make him take it back. "I'm going to marry you. I've already said I'd marry you, but love...that isn't...that's..." He shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around the blonde. He pushed her head down against his chest; he couldn't stand the way she was looking at him. "Maybe one day," he lied.

"You're a De-"

"I'm doing what's right, Sarah," Regulus snapped. "I'm fighting so that one day...so that one day we can live in a pure world. We can..." He sighed. Anything he could have said would simply be the mindless recitation of facts and meaningless ideals. Sarah was in pain and it wasn't the time. Even in his drunken state, he could see that. "I'm doing what needs to be done. You can either get behind that or..." There was no or. Or was death for anyone and he might not ever see himself loving Sarah, but he certainly didn't want the girl dead.

"Prove it to me," Sarah whispered.

Regulus pushed the girl away from his chest and stared at her in confusion. "I don't...I don't know what you mean. Prove what?"

"Prove that you're worth it. Prove that you might love me one day," she answered. When she was met with another confused stare, Sarah lifted herself to sit upright in front of Regulus. She swept her jumper from over her head and tossed it behind her with a casual flick of the wrist. One of her hands laid over his and guided it onto her shirt. She led his fingers to brush over the buttons and stared into his eyes.

Regulus swallowed hard. It was more than clear what Sarah wanted from him. He fingered over the buttons of her shirt and let it hang open, taking a slow breath before pushing it back over the girl's shoulders and letting it fall to the bed below her. He smoothed his hands over her shoulders and down her sides, taking his time with things.

Sarah wasn't satisfied with his slow nature. She leaned forward and pressed herself against the boy, forcing him to lay back on the bed and moving atop him. She was frantic and careless as she pulled at their clothes, resulting in both her skirt and his pants getting torn slightly. Their bodies moved together in the heat of the moment, neither of them speaking or daring to make a sound that would attract attention from anyone in the common room. Regulus kept his eyes closed tightly, refusing to look up at the girl above him. She pulled at his hair and dragged her fingernails down his chest so hard they left trails of red in their wake.

Time seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time. For Sarah, their moment was over far too quickly and for Regulus, he would have done anything to end it sooner. He quickly pulled the tangled blanket over his lower half as Sarah slid onto the bed next to him. She pushed her hair back out of her eyes, frowning at the sweat that graced her forehead. Her arm draped over Regulus' stomach and she cuddled against his side. She could see the discomfort in his face, but she wasn't going to move away unless he actually asked her to.

Regulus rubbed his hand over his face and tried to pull the other out from under Sarah, but she fought against it. He admitted defeat easily and let her continue to have his arm around her shoulders. His mouth felt dry to the point it was almost painful, his throat burning with want. He rubbed at his eyes again and let them close, but he was determined not to fall asleep.

"Was that your first time?" Sarah asked softly.

"What?" Regulus had heard her just fine, but he honestly didn't know how to answer the question. Had he ever had sex? Yes. Had he ever been on the giving end of the affection? No. He hoped she'd take his reluctance as a desire to not discuss things and drop it.

"I asked you if that was your first time," Sarah repeated, letting her fingers trail softly through the sweat on the boy's chest.

"N-yes," Regulus answered, not even sure which answer would put an end to the conversation.

"No or yes?" Sarah's voice was sharp and biting as she had caught his hesitation. "Regulus Black, you look at me. I asked you a question. It isn't even a hard one, just tell me. Was that the first time you had sex?" She huffed through her nose and put her hand on Regulus' cheek, forcing him to look at her. "You can tell me."

Regulus bit down on his bottom lip and felt it crack under his teeth. Despite her best effort, he wouldn't meet her gaze, choosing instead to focus on her hair, her lips or her hand. He reached up and linked his fingers into hers, then pulled her hand to his lips. "No it wasn't," he whispered, his lips moving right against the back of her hand. "Can we just drop it, okay?"

"Eliza-"

"I said drop it," he snapped, his tone more cold and angry than he had intended. He pushed against Sarah's body, forcing her away from him, and sat up in the bed. He had to shove off her hands several times in his effort to pull back on his pants and shirt. He stood next to the bed, ignoring the hurt look on her face as he buttoned up his shirt and searched the floor for his emerald tie.

"Regulus, don't leave," Sarah pleaded as she wrapped the sheet around herself and climbed off the bed. "Please? I'll drop it, I will, just stay here." She laid her hand on the boy's chest and stared down into his eyes. "Stay?"

Regulus put his hands on Sarah's shoulders and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "No," he whispered back before stuffing his feet down into his shoes and hurrying out of the Ravenclaw tower.

The Slytherin walked quietly through the halls, doing his best not to wake any of the portraits. It was after hours and the last thing he wanted was to be stopped by a Prefect or worse. As he neared the dungeons, the boy's fear was manifested in the form of the over confident Head Boy, James Potter.

The messy haired Gryffindor spotted Regulus long before the reverse. He already had half of a detention slip written out before he fully realized that the other boy was Regulus. "Oh," the Head Boy whispered with a frown. He wadded up the slip and stuffed it down into his robe pocket. "I didn't...I mean, how are you?" James asked. His discomfort was radiating like a bad odor and he kept twisting his hands around and shifting his weight between feet.

Regulus sighed and started to open his mouth to speak, planning to say something snide and cruel, however he just didn't have the energy to bother. "Do I have detention, Potter?" he sighed.

"No," James answered, shaking his head. "Just...just get to your common room." He stared at the floor and waited for the boy to pass by him before resolving to speak again. "He misses you," he called out. His hand slipped over his wand in his pocket, bracing himself for a potentially volatile outburst; the kind he was used to from dealing with Sirius.

Regulus stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. He took a few slow breaths, trying to keep himself from snapping at the older boy. He turned back, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "It isn't your business," he said, slowly.

"It is my business," James argued. "Sirius is my brother too. Maybe not by blood, but where it counts. If he's hurting, then it is my business."

The young Slytherin let his eyes close as he contemplated his next move. He slipped his hand over his wand and slowly raised it, only to be mirrored by the bespectacled boy doing the same. "You're going to fight me?" he asked, cringing at his own likeness to his brother's arrogance.

"No, but if you start it, I'll defend myself." James stared at the tip of the younger boy's wand and let his hazel eyes travel up to meet the grey of Regulus'. "He just wants to help you. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

Regulus shook his head and let his wand arm fall heavily to his side. He was amused that the other boy did not lower his wand as well. A quiet laugh built in the boy's throat as he turned his back on his brother's so-called brother. His replacement.

A Note From the Author: Wow, so just...I really don't have anything to say about that. Sarah knows, things are dicey in bed and Regulus seems to be betrothed. I felt the need to put a little James in here. Not even sure why, he just felt right in this situation. Remus will be popping up again in the story, but don't hold out hope for more James. I haven't decided there. Let me know what you think. Thanks a tons. :D –Jenna