A thermos of hot black tea. A platter of rolled sandwiches stuffed with pickles and cured meats.

It was a rare moment in the busy life of the Beehive member named Claude. A moment where he could sit down at a table on one of the large balconies in the mansion and enjoy a bit of a late lunch. The past week had been tough for Claude, with various missions and ongoing investigations on his plate. Even though his position required him to contend with and oversee an enormous number of Beehive activities, it was still unusual to see this many overlapping duties happening all at once. It was for this reason that Claude had gotten behind on his meals. Had he truly been able to finish everything in a timely manner, there would have been no lull in-between his activities and he would have been able to tackle each task seamlessly.

No, this short break was a sign of Claude's ineptitude. It was something that would need to be reflected on at a later time. A better man would be able to finish everything without having to resort to inefficient delays.

Claude sighed and took out the picture of Chitoge that he always carried on his person. He set it down on the table next to the sandwiches and began eating his meal.

"Ojou, this incompetent Claude will eat his meal and work harder to make up for his mistakes today," said Claude, chewing his sandwich. "Please forgive me for having shown you something so unsightly."

The picture of Chitoge smiled wordlessly back at Claude.

"Thank you, Ojou. I will make sure to give it my all, so please watch me," said Claude, intent on showing his good side this time. He took a sip of black tea and sighed contently.

Just then, his phone began to vibrate.

"Which bastard dares to ruin my peaceful lunch with Ojou!?" snarled Claude, snatching his phone out of his pocket.

The name on the caller ID made Claude's face go white with horror.

Click.

"Hello? Claude?"

"O-Ojou! I have made an unforgivable mistake! I am not worthy of hearing your gracious voice!"

"...What are you talking about?"

"I am very sorry, Ojou! I will transfer you immediately to a more suitable member. I do not have the right to speak to you with this vile tongue of min-"

"Claude! Listen to me! I need your help."

FLASH! Claude's blubbering cut off immediately. His glasses turned white as he stood up from the table.

"I understand. This unworthy Claude will do exactly as you order," said Claude. For Ojou to request his assistance...there was no task that could be of greater importance.

"I'll leave it to Tsugumi to explain." There was a crackle as Chitoge passed the phone to Tsugumi.

"Claude-sama. Please mobilize all of the Beehive members. This is a search and rescue mission."

Bonus Arc

Hot! Steamy! Kosaki-chan!

Part Seven

"Umm...Maiko-senpai. Where exactly are we going?"

Girl A asked this perfectly reasonable question as they walked through what seemed to be a deserted alleyway.

"We're leaving the shopping district, of course," said Shu. He opened a door in the alleyway and gestured for them to follow.

"As expected of Maiko-senpai," said Boy A as they sneaked through a bustling kitchen. "These are urban shortcuts, aren't they?"

"That's right! For all users of hidden photography, having a network of shortcuts and secret paths is a necessity! Who knows when something interesting may be happening in a location that is inconvenient to get to through conventional means!"

"And we get free food sometimes!" said one of Shu's comrades.

"Amazing, I need to take notes," said Boy A.

So..you really were here for the porno, Maiko-senpai...?" said Girl A. Taking secret paths like this in a shopping district...the reason could only be to get ahead of the clogging crowd outside.

As Girl A looked at him uncertainly, Shu clapped his hand onto her shoulder.

"You seem to have mixed feelings about discovering this side of me. But you have nothing to worry about," said Shu with a serious expression. "We can watch it together."

"W-W-WATCH IT TOGETHER!?"

Girl A's face exploded at those words. A porno? Watch a porno with Shu!? Just the two of them!?

"Just kidding~" said Shu, laughing. "Of course, it's just a joke."

Girl A suddenly felt an intensely burning connection with Ruri.

"Or perhaps you were really considering it?" said Shu, smiling at her. Girl A's heart skipped a beat. She was getting bounced around by every word he said.

"Maiko-senpai, please don't tease her so much. She's the kind that easily gets her hopes up even after they've been stomped to the ground," said Boy A casually. Girl A's fingers snapped to his cheeks and started pulling them. "Ow...what are you doing?"

"Of course, the real reason is mainly just to help out some friends of mine," said Shu, flashing a thumbs-up at the other male students with them.

"Come on, Shu. You know you're interested too."

"Someone like you doesn't go to these lengths for just any old perverted video!"

"True! This is certainly more than just your average porno!" said Shu, chuckling in a self-satisfied manner. "Needless to say, I can't say no if a beautiful treasure like this turns up right in front of me!"

"I knew you were one of us, Shu!"

"You understand that it's more than just some primitive titillation on this disc! It's a real masterpiece, that's what it is!"

"I should have known that you would be among the hunters, senpai! Please allow me to call you Master!" said Boy A.

"Don't talk like that. I'm just one of you right now...in pursuit of greater heights in my journey through manhood," said Shu.

"No, no, there is no need for you to be so humble, Master-"

"Umm...excuse me?" said Girl A, raising her hand timidly. "Could someone please explain to me what's so great about this...porno?"

The disbelieving eyes of every single male student there turned to Girl A with complete synchronization.

"She doesn't know...?"

"Of course not, she's a girl...why is she even here?"

"What is the meaning of this?" asked one of the male classmates, his question directed at Shu and Boy A.

"Now, now. Don't be like that~ it's not like we could just abandon her with all those dangerous people out there," said Shu.

"It is fine," said Boy A, hands up in an attempt to pacify the uncomfortable stares. "Although she tries to hide it, she is already one of us. She is a tsundere to her own desires and thoughts."

"Who's a tsundere to what!?" shouted Girl A.

"Ah, I see. That makes total sense."

"Phew, had me worried there for a second."

"If you explain it like that, then I guess there's no helping it."

"A real-life tsundere, huh...? I thought she was more of the gentle, soothing type."

"H-Hold on! Why are you guys accepting those lies about me so easily!?"

"Well, if that's how it is, then I suppose we have to fill you in," said one of the males.

"Wait, I don't want to know anymore!"

"It's a legendary disc with only one copy said to exist in the entire world," said Shu. "Although it looks like there are a lot of people outside, if you consider the fact that the number of people out there only consists of 0.000001% of just the Japanese population alone...there are very few people that know of this porno's existence and even fewer that have laid their eyes on the real thing."

"I understand that it's a very rare item," said Girl A, having listened to the manager's speech earlier. "But...is that really the only reason everyone seems to want to get it?"

"Isn't that enough reason!?" said one of the male students. "Think about it! The fact that its legendary status has survived this long even accounting for its extreme rarity suggests that it's not a normal porno! Horrible pornos are forgotten in the blink of an eye! Even great pornos become buried underneath the enormous catalog of mass-produced porno available today. It's just a matter of time."

"Exactly," said Shu, nodding. "A classic is something that can withstand the test of time. In film, in literature, even in games, everyone has at least one that they can consider a classic. But to find the same among their list of pornos...the fact that 'Netorare Neko-chan!' has accomplished this impossible feat is a testament to the quality of the content that it must hold."

"As we said before, it's not just about mere arousal," said one of the male students. "It's curiosity. And a desire to show this masterpiece the proper respect it deserves. A porno is created to be watched. It is only right that this sort of god-tier material has the proper kind of audience."

"It just sounds like you're trying to justify the fact that you want to watch a porno..." said Girl A.

"Well, I can't lie about that," said Shu. All of the other males nodded in agreement, proudly.

"Do you understand now, Tsundere-chan? The pure feelings that we are pouring into this journey to obtain the greatest porno in mankind's history...!"

"No...I really don't! And I'm not a tsundere!"

"Well, she wouldn't get it. After all, she's trying to watch the porno for indecent reasons like trying to steal the heart of the boy she li-"

Boy A seemed to vanish into thin air for a second as Girl A tackled him so hard that he flew away at the speed of light!

"Anyways, that's how it is," said Shu as they continued their way through the path of open doors, back alleys, and dusty stairs.

"I see..." said Girl A.

"Ow...that wasn't very sheepy," said Boy A, rubbing his swollen cheeks.

"So, are you sure you don't want to watch it with me later?" said Shu with his usual cat-like smile.

"..."

Girl A looked silently at Shu.

"Maiko-senpai...do you really just want to watch this porno?" said Girl A.

"Of course! I can't pass up such nice footage...oo hoo! It'll probably be tame considering censorship back in the day, but there certainly has to be a beauty inside!"

"..."

If that's true...

Girl A was in love with Maiko Shu. She had been in love with him since the beginning of her time in high school.

That was why she knew. Because she had always been watching him. Because she had been to see parts of him that even someone as perceptive as Miyamoto Ruri hadn't. Parts that even his best friend, Ichijou Raku, hadn't noticed.

That those eyes that Maiko Shu had right now...

They were eyes fixated on a goal.

A goal that was far more important than just watching a really good porno.

"Maiko-senpai-"

"But Master, the tablet with the directions to finding 'Netorare Neko-chan!' was destroyed," said Boy A, interrupting Girl A. "Right now, only those people who took off in the hot-air balloon have the directions. How are you going to catch up to them?"

"Oho, good question!" said Shu, cat-like smile widening. "And the answer to that is 'we're not!'"

"Huh?"

"There's no need to catch up to those guys," said Shu, chuckling with his eyes closed in complete confidence. "After all, we've got better information on our hands than some encoded directions."

"R-Really!?"

"We're going to meet up with our secondary unit right now," said Shu, opening another door. "Right now, they've managed to obtain an extremely valuable asset from the crowd outside..."

"Asset? What do you mean?" said Girl A, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Think of it this way. Even though 'Netorare Neko-chan!' is a legendary porno, what else is it?"

"Uh...a DVD?" said Girl A, unsure of what else to say.

"Bingo! You've got a pretty good head on you!" said Shu, eliciting another blush from Girl A. "That's right...that's the key point there..."

"Netorare Neko-chan!" was a DVD. But not just a regular DVD.

It was a rental DVD.

"Eh? Does that make any difference...?" asked Girl A.

"Not for the average person," said Shu. "However...if you get the right person..."

"Shu! We see them!" shouted one of the male students that was running ahead.

"Ok! Let's go!" said Shu, pulling Girl A and Boy A by the hands.

"W-Where are we going?"

"Ah, that reminds me! Even though Onodera-san and Ruri-chan are probably safe in those guys' hands...maybe I should notify him..." said Shu, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

Girl A looked at him questioningly. Suddenly, a shrewd grin appeared on Shu's face.

"Yeah...I think that guy has seen too little screentime lately..."

"S...Senpai?"

A stream of devious laughter as Maiko Shu pulled out his cellphone to make a call.

At this moment, Ichijou Raku was in the kitchen, trying out a new recipe that he had heard about recently. He mixed Korean red pepper paste, garlic, and ginger together in a bowl, creating a thick mixture that clung to the spoon. A drizzle of mirin for some sweetness and some soy sauce for a more savory, salty flavor.

"Alright...now I just need to cut up some chicken..."

Raku had finished washing his hands in the sink and was in the process of heading to the fridge when his phone began vibrating.

"Hmm...? Oh, it's Shu..."

Click.

"Yo, Shu. What's up?"

"Hey, Raku~! What are you doing right now?"

"Ah...just doing some cooking."

"Ehh~ no harem today?"

"What are you talking about...if you mean Chitoge and the others, yeah. It seems like everyone's up to something today. It's kind of peaceful actually..."

"Ah, I see. So you're enjoying the peacetime, huh?"

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. But it does feel a little dull today, I guess..."

"I see. Well Raku, I have to be going now. But I think you might be getting a call from Kirisaki-san later~"

"Huh? What are you talking abo-"

Click. Shu hung up abruptly.

What was that about?

Just as that question was forming in Raku's mind, his phone started buzzing again.

"...How can this guy predict the future like that?"

Kirisaki Chitoge was calling him.

Click.

"Hey, Chitoge. What's u-"

"RAKU, KOSAKI-CHAN GOT KIDNAPPED!"

"HAH!?" shouted Raku.

"Ah, but I think she's safe."

"What...hey you! Explain properly! You're giving me a heart attack!"

"Putting that aside, Raku. Have you heard of 'Netorare Neko-chan!' ?"

"Huh? What's with that questionable title...? And what's that got to do with Onodera!?"

"Ah, jeez! You're really frustrating, you know that! Look, just get your butt down to the city area and look for a hot-air balloon!"

"A hot-air balloon? Why would there be a hot-air balloon in Bonyari!? And what's going on with Onodera!? Is she ok?"

"The Black Suits took her."

"HEY! That's really bad, isn't it!?"

"Is it? I don't know, I'm pretty sure they don't have any bad intentions..."

"What are you talking about, they destroyed half the school last time!"

"...Hmm. Anyways, I need you to go catch up to them and make sure Kosaki-chan and Ruri-chan are safe! Me and Tsugumi are stuck in the shopping district."

"Miyamoto too!? What do you mean you're stuck there, this isn't the time to be shopping-"

"I know that! Look, just catch up to those Black Suits, ok? You're a useless beansprout, but you should be able to do something, right!? I wouldn't be asking you if I had any other choice!"

"Damn it. Alright, I'm heading out! Where are am I supposed to go?" said Raku, throwing his apron aside.

"I don't know, we lost track of them."

"You don't know where they were headed!? How am I supposed to find them!?"

"I don't know, you figure it out! Look, I'll call you again once we get out of the shopping district. Just hurry up!"

Click. Kirisaki Chitoge hung up.

"Damn it...Onodera got kidnapped?" said Raku again, just to confirm the truth. What was he supposed to do? If she was lost or something, he would just search every single corner of the city to find her. But if she was kidnapped...the faster he could find her...

"Bocchan! I just got a call from the Don that she is coming home late tonight-"

"Ryuu!"

Although he felt wary about how things could get if he got them involved, he knew that this was his best chance.

"Ryuu, I need your help!"

"Hmm...? I feel like I forgot to tell Raku something really important..."

"Ojou! This fried chicken in a cup is actually quite delicious."

"Really!? Let me try some..."

Chitoge dipped the chicken into a tangy, spicy ketchup sauce and popped it into her mouth.

"Wow! This really is delicious! You have to try it when you get back, Kosaki-chan."

"Yeah..." said Onodera Kosaki, listening to the sound of crispy chicken being munched on. "So, Chitoge-chan. Who were you on the phone with?"

"Ah, I told Raku to come and get you. Is that ok with the little girl?"

"I-Ichijou-kun!? Uh...um..."

Kosaki looked up for confirmation.

"I see. In that case, we can release you into safe custody once this is all over," said the labcoat girl, nodding.

"But jeez. You guys should've just said that you were just trying to protect Kosaki and Ruri-chan..."

"Well, things were moving pretty fast, Chitoge-chan..."

"In any case, Chitoge-chan. Kosaki and I will retrieve the po...I mean 'Netorare Neko-chan!' So, please don't strain yourselves," said Ruri into the phone. She and Kosaki exchanged meaningful glances.

"Ehh...I kind of wanted to help...it sounds really interesting. But ok! We'll all watch it together when you come back with it."

"R-Right..." said Kosaki, unconsciously averting her gaze.

"Ah! I'm getting another call. It's probably from Claude. I'll call you guys back when we're out of here, ok?"

They exchanged goodbyes and then hung up the call.

"Well, now that we have that taken care of," said the labcoat girl, cracking her knuckles. "Shall we get on with it?"

A Black Suit took out his phone and opened up the image of the stone tablet case. Kosaki and Ruri crawled over to look at the picture.

"This may be a rare item that hasn't been seen in years, but the fact that it was in the possession of that Mitsuya means it has to be somewhere in Bonyari to be lent out in a timely manner," said the labcoat girl. "Now that we got rid of those Iron Talon idiots, we can burn one hour of fuel before we have to land. We've got a bird's eye view of the city, so once we crack this code, we can head straight down for it."

"So we have less than an hour to solve this puzzle," said Ruri.

The picture of the stone tablet case that held the secret location of the hidden treasure "Netorare Neko-chan!"

Not only were the inscriptions written in a completely foreign language, but it also seemed to be a multi-layered code involving pictograms, strange symbols, and what seemed like an extensive grid filled with patterns and small etchings.

"R-Ruri-chan...can we really solve this in less than an hour?" said Kosaki.

"We have no choice, Kosaki-chan," said Ruri, her glasses flashing. "Right now, we have the chance to watch a real legendary porno. This is sure to fix that timid attitude of yours."

"You're still on about that!?"

"I see. So you wanted to make Onodera Kosaki watch a porno to get her more comfortable with making aggressive attacks on Ichijou Raku," said the labcoat girl. "Well, I can't say that I'm not a fan of this kind of progression."

"Boss, if Kosaki-tan needs this porno, I'm more than willing to let her watch it first."

"Kosaki-tan!?"

"Yeah...this kind of thing is something that the younger generation should experience first..."

"A young, fresh high school girl watching a porno before me...actually, please watch it before me!"

"Sorry if I sound a little irritated. I'm being reminded of an annoying, repulsive bastard right now..." said Ruri.

"Don't worry, Miyamoto Ruri. I understand your feelings," said the labcoat girl, sighing and rubbing her temples. "Anyways, back onto topic-"

The hiss of the burner faded away as the balloon became perfectly perpendicular with the center of Bonyari below. The labcoat girl sat back, hands cradling the back of her head. An incisor showed as she smiled wickedly.

"Let's see if this second-rate puzzle is worthy of protecting a legendary treasure."

A/N: Wait...Haru...!? What are you doing back in Nisekoi with such an important plot point!?