"I've got to go," he said again.

She nodded and smiled. She looked sad.

"If you've ever felt a shred of anything genuine towards me, Brooke, please don't tell anyone about seeing me tonight."

Instead of answering right away, she appeared to think about it. Eventually she said, "Okay. I won't."

"Thank you." Tentatively, he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder and pulled her a step closer to him. Because she was quite a bit smaller than him, he had to lean down in order to kiss her forehead.

"Goodnight."

0o0o0o

Chapter 34

Pretenses

He was talking to someone. Alex could tell – could just barely make out the fragments of words beyond the frantic waving of his arms. He was talking to someone but there was no one by his side. He might have been on his phone. Alex wasn't close enough to tell.

There was a fog in the streets, which meant more light but less clarity. A golden fuzz crowned the top of the man's head, lit up by the bleeding florescent light. He paused and turned around, seemed to contemplate walking in the opposite direction, threw his arms around himself and finally spun back to keep walking the way he'd been going. The same direction as Alex. Well, that made sense; they really didn't live that far from one another.

Alex didn't call out, even after recognition dawned on him. If anything, identifying the man had locked his jaw closed in place against any sound that might have emerged from his mouth. He did the same thing that his golden-haired shadow was doing just across the street. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, caught his breath as it tumbled away from him in quickly-dispersing clouds of warmth, kept his head down and walked towards the closest place he could identify as home.

0o0o0o

When Wolf wandered downstairs that morning, it was by the tip of his nose. The delectable scent had wrapped its metaphorical fingers around him and dragged him into the kitchen, allowing his thoughts no escape from the treasure that lay in wait for him.

Alex smacked him with a spatula. "They're not cooked yet. Ah!"

"What are they?" Wolf asked in awe.

Alex shifted to reveal to Wolf the barely-legible recipe he'd scribbled onto the back of a take-out brochure. The cold tile of the floor might have stung the bottoms of his bare feet if not for the fact that he was wearing his largest draw-string sweatpants, which pooled around his feet and shielded them like slippers, or a onesie. Wolf noticed this as soon as Alex tripped and stumbled into his chest, sending him bouncing back a step and blinking rapidly.

Rather than demanding to know whether Alex had taken his medication that day, or perhaps taken tomorrow's dosage in addition, Wolf addressed the pants.

"You need new sweats. Those look ridiculous on you."

"Whaddya mean?" Alex lifted one foot up. The extra length was draped over his toes like a fallen curtain. "I like these."

"You like them now, but how about when your skull cracks against the side of the counter? You've got enough scars as it is, do you really want another damaging your pretty face?"

"Oh, Wolf," Alex admonished. He batted his eyelashes. "Do you really think I'm pretty?"

The older man made a quick grab for the carefully-prepared snacks on the pan in front of him but Alex was just as fast. Wolf came away empty-handed and scowling.

"Wait until they're cooked. This batch will be out in a minute. There's cranberries in that one."

"Are there peanuts? I love peanuts."

"I know you do. There are peanuts."

"Yes!"

The house was looking cleaner than the night before – somebody had taken the time to clean behind all the countertop appliances, like the toaster and the coffee machine, rather than just wiping around them as Wolf usually did. The stovestop looked brand new and the countertops were glistening – and so were the floors, Wolf noted as he stared at the pristine hardwood where a week-old tomato sauce stain had last been seen.

"You cleaned?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Alex shrugged, sending Wolf a half-smile.

"I put it off for as long as I could. I promise it wasn't stress. Did you know there was a spot of tomato sauce in that corner? It must've been there for months."

Wolf gazed past Alex's pointing finger at the floor next to the garbage. "No, I hadn't noticed." He cleared his throat. "It wasn't stress? Does that mean you're feeling better?"

Alex rolled his shoulders, stretching his arm across his chest and knocking his knuckles against the fiberglass of the cast. "Loads, actually. My arm hasn't bothered me for a while. Probably cause I'm not using its deadweight to bludgeon people anymore."

Wolf didn't reply, prompting Alex to add in meekly, "Kidding?"

"That's good to hear." Unable to find anything to fiddle with in the kitchen, Wolf sat down at the table and began playing with a pair of candlestick holders that had materialized in the dining room.

"Were these always here?" he asked, pulling Alex's gaze back from where he was peeking into the oven. The smell that escaped right then threatened to incapacitate him.

"I bought them yesterday," Alex explained. "They're for Jack."

Wolf's hands slowed to a stop, and he gingerly placed them back onto the tabletop. "… Is that so. Do you know when you're going to give them to her yet?"

"Oh, yes. Today, probably." In one quick motion, Alex extracted the baking tray from the oven and placed it down atop the stove. Then he turned around to open the window, poking his head out to inspect the sky. Blue was showing through between the clouds, but it was too early yet to tell which way the weather would turn.

Withdrawing from the window, he turned to look at Wolf. Their gazes snagged on one another's and the feeling was akin to catching barbwire beneath a fingernail. The man didn't look a shred convinced.

"I'm not going to run away anymore, Wolf," Alex injected into the silence.

Wolf swallowed. The progress seemed good – and it certainly made his muscles less tense, being around a carefree Alex – but at the same time, it came with a feeling of foreboding. What had triggered this prompt turnaround? Was it because of the rows between him and Fox? The dinner with MI6? Perhaps a combination of the two?

He decided to ask.

Alex leaned a hand against the countertop, appearing thoughtful. "I guess I just realized that hiding wasn't going to bring me closer to anything I'm looking for right now. I've already decided I'm going to face them sooner or later. So what's the point in delaying the inevitable?"

"That's very pragmatic of you," Wolf grunted. "You really sound like you've had a change of perspective. I'm sure Fox will be pleased. But… I mean, are you sure this is the way?"

"The way?" Alex repeated, opening the drawer on his left and rifling around for a serrated knife. Wolf chewed his lip, fingers drumming soundlessly atop the back of his chair.

"It's just that you still haven't talked about a thing."

There was a grating sound as Alex began sawing into his baked creation. Perking up to get a better view, Wolf concluded that Alex had put together some sort of homemade granola bar. The blond picked at a broken off piece of walnut, commenting between chews,

"That's not true."

"Well, you haven't been talking to me," Wolf reiterated, voice indignant. Alex tossed another one of those casual grins over his shoulder – the one that made Wolf ache for the days when his biggest problem was trying to find Alex a girlfriend before the kid landed himself in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Too think he'd been worried about a tongue-lashing from MI6 after Alex stormed out on him… that memory seemed funny now. Hilarious, even.

"You're right, I haven't been talking to you."

"Who then? Because I sure as hell know you haven't been seeing a professional."

"I don't need to see a 'professional'." The word was spoken with undisguised disdain. "I am a professional. And professionals can deal with their own problems."

"Oh, give it a rest with the lone solider thing. Even I'm not that…"

Alex shot him a look.

"Well at least I'm not anymore."

"I told you I've been talking things out. Mostly I just wanted to heal a little more before either of them saw me." Alex brushed his messy hair out of his face. "I have a haircut this afternoon, too. I want them to see me as I am now." The knife crunched, splitting a stubborn almond in two. "Not the way I was a couple weeks ago. I want them to see that I'm better."

He took a step back, admiring his craftsmanship. The tray had been divided up to produce twelve delectable looking homemade granola bars. Peeling one off and popping a piece into his mouth, he closed his eyes and made a drawn out noise of approvable. Before Wolf knew it he was shoving one in his face too.

"Try it. The secret ingredient is the condensed milk. Oh my god. I didn't even know something this good could be made at home."

Wolf took the granola bar and tasted it, with similar results. "Jesus! You just made this recipe up?"

He shook his head. "Not entirely. I looked at a few online, then picked a base and modified it from there. The condensed milk was my idea. So were the walnuts. And," he lifted up a bag of black flecks. "Chia seeds, Wolf. The future of healthy eating."

"Freak. Gimme another one of those."

0o0o0o

It was only after Tom had gotten back from the grocery store and begun putting things away into the fridge that he noticed the sticky yellow ooze dripping down the side of the egg carton. Fearing the worst, he opened the box and discovered not one broken egg, but two. The ensuing groan could be heard all the way up the stairs, where Jack was reading on Sabina's bed.

"Alright Tom?" she called without looking up from her book. She had a little more color in her cheeks than the day before. In fact, with every day she looked a little better. That wasn't to say she was back to her former level of warmth, but the woman's freckles no longer stuck out against the stark white of her skin or the red rings that encircled her eyes. She looked human again.

"The eggs!" he cried back.

"Did you break one?"

"Two! I broke two sodding eggs!" he wailed.

"Oh it's fine Tom, don't worry yourself over it, we can always buy more."

"What?" he yelled.

"I said we'll get more!"

Ding, dong.

"I've got it!" Tom grabbed a napkin to wipe the yolk off his hands, pulling the cloth over each finger as he approached the door. Glancing across through the peephole, he took a second to prepared himself for the encounter before opening the door.

Alex was standing before him in a clean-pressed shirt carrying what looked to be a couple of ribbon-wrapped gift bags. Tom raised his chin and looked him over carefully.

"Well. You brought presents, did you? I can't determine whether or not that'll help or merely infuriate them further."

Alex shrugged. "Let them be mad. They've got every right to be. Can I come in?"

He stepped into the warm space, admiring Sabina's efforts to decorate. He could tell the bare structure wasn't much, but she'd been able to make it her own, adding framed photos of family and amateur art pieces to cover the less-than-pleasant shade of paint on the walls. Tom stepped on his foot.

"Off with the shoes – I just swept."

"What, you Jack's new housekeeper now?" griped Alex as he leant down to untie his laces.

"Something like that."

"Tom?" Jack's voice hollered from the second story. "Who was at the door?"

Tom didn't respond. Swallowing apprehensively, he lightly smacked a hand onto Alex's back, easing him in the direction of the stairs.

"You look good, mate," Tom commented. "Got a haircut, did you?"

Alex barely heard him. He was standing at the foot of the stairs, trying to slam his nerves back long enough to climb those stairs and face the one person he could call family. She was going to kill him. Or she was going to hug him. Both seemed equally plausible.

"Alex?"

"Uh, yeah," he stammered. "Yeah I did. Thanks, Tom."

"Just wait," Tom advised. "I didn't answer, so she'll come down."

Of course she would. She was so unquestionably curious about things. He could already hear the floor above him creak as she slid her weight off of the bed and began crossing the room. Halfway down the stairs, she turned and met his gaze. Naturally, she froze in her tracks.

The two stared at each other for a long moment, Jack's face still with bewilderment. Her lips were parted and dry, breath caught in her throat. Glancing between Alex and Tom, the dark-haired boy gave her a small nod, confirming her imagination wasn't playing any cruel tricks on her. Jack's eyes were already welling up with tears.

Alex's smile was strained. She still hadn't said a word. Then again, neither had he.

"Hi Jack," he offered. "I'm back."

Before he'd finished talking she was flinging herself down the stairs, forcing Alex to surge forward and catch her. With her arms closed so tightly around his neck, he found himself struggling to breathe.

"Oh, Alex," she sobbed. "What the hell, Alex!" Despite the asphyxiation, Alex found he was unable to stop grinning. He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her tightly. "How? Where have you been? Oh my god, I'm so–" she fumbled biting her lip and sniffling in attempt to minimalize the amount of snot she was leaving behind on his shoulder – "I'm so–"

Jack pulled back sharply, wiping the smile right off Alex's face. She looked positively incensed. With no warming whatsoever Jack slapped him across the face, forcing him back a step.

"I'm so angry! What the hell is this?! You're alive – you've been alive this whole time and you didn't think to maybe tell me?!" Her hand flew out to grab a fistful of his shirt, shoving it into his chest and sending him back another step. "This is a clean shirt! Your hair is short! You're – what the hell, Alex! You don't even look a little bit dead! Not even a bit!"

"Jack, please…" he mumbled, trying for a smile. He was nervous all over again. He'd anticipated her anger, of course, but that didn't mean he had any way of being prepared for it. He turned to weak humor to cope. "Did you really want me dead that badly?"

"You–" She moved to hit him again, but he slid away from her grasp. Eyes following his backwards path towards the door, a look of panic flashed across her face. She made another grab at him. "Don't! Please don't go, I'm sorry for hitting you, I'm just – I'm overwhelmed– don't go–"

He hastily closed the space between them, taking her wrists and deliberately placing her arms around his neck. Then he crushed her against him in a firm hug. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. I'm not leaving, Jack, really."

The tear-soaked fabric of his shirt was warm against his skin. She was falling apart, right in his arms. Or maybe she was falling back together again.

"I'm back now. I'm alive. I'm here, Jack. I came back."

"You're alive," she repeated through her tears.

She'd given up on the idea of sparing his shirt and was now unapologetically sobbing into his shoulder. Alex rested his chin on the top of her head, closing his eyes and appreciating the warmth her body provided his with. It truly felt like it had been forever since he'd last hugged Jack. He'd forgotten how safe the embrace made him feel. She was family, she was the last standing family he had, and he'd been away from her for too long. Holding her like this, it was hard to remember why he'd waited so long to see her at all.

"I'm alive," he whispered back.

A little sniffle emerged from behind him. Alex craned his head to look over his shoulder, catching Tom swiping a hand across his face.

"Tom, are you crying too?"

"Shut up!" Tom snapped. "I had to watch her this whole time! I had to watch her mourn your death – so seeing her like this… seeing you two together – I'm just happy, alright, so shut up…!" Tom started to laugh, even through his own obvious heartache. "Don't call me out on it! Just leave me to be a huge sap in peace!"

Alex was grinning when the sound of the lock turning silenced all three of the room's occupants. Sabina stepped into the house, calmly taking in the scene before her. Jack struggled to escape Alex's arms against his will, calling out to Sabina,

"It's really him! He's been alive this whole time, Sabina! He's alive!"

Sabina said nothing. Alex slowly released Jack from their embrace, feeling awkward and pinned beneath that all-consuming gaze. She had eyes like Elizabeth Taylor. She had eyes like the summer sky. Oh, god. She was gonna kill him with this silence.

"I'm alive," he repeated, and his voice sounded dumb to his own ears.

"I know," she said. "I was the first person to figure it out."

"What?" He stared at her, taken aback. "How?"

She looked a little offended. "Because it's you."

Eliminating the space left between them, Sabin advanced and lightly wrapped her fingers around the collar of his shirt, pulling him close. Instantly she was in his arms, tucking her face into the hollow of his neck and breathing deeply. Now it was Alex's turn to feel overwhelmed.

She was so soft. His time in Carlisle had rendered him completely helpless in the face of her tender advances. Somehow in that short period of time he'd lost all recollection of what this felt like. Where Jack's hug had been crushing, Sabina could have been a feather pressed in his arms, calm and gentle and smooth to the touch. Reaching up and taking her face in his hands, he stole a long, searching look at her. She blinked up at him without a hint of judgment in her eyes. He could feel himself unraveling.

Finally he shook his head, pulling her back into the crook of his collarbone. Her lips were pressing against the sensitive skin there; just a light opportunistic peck, reminding him of a world he'd forgotten he had any footing left in.

"Jesus Christ. I missed you so much. Being away from you two for so long…" Sabina could literally feel his distress in the way his breath hitched and his grip on her tightened. "I don't even know how I survived. You know it was close – you know that, right? I wasn't trying to worry you…"

"I know," Sabina whispered, barely audible.

"What happened?" Jack asked. Alex closed his eyes, placing a hand on Sabina's head and pressing a chaste kiss into her hair. The smell of her shampoo was enough to convince him that everything he'd gone through was worth it. As cheesy at it was, to him it really seemed like all the pain he'd endured to make it back from Carlisle was worth it for one more taste of that familiar scent.

At some point they'd begun swaying a little. It was easy to conclude that both were feeling a little weak in the knees from the reunion.

"Can we…" He let his chin rest on top of her head, peering across at Jack with heavy eyes. "Can we maybe talk about it later? I need to just enjoy this for a moment..."

"Alex, please, I need to–"

"Jack," Tom stopped her, pulling her attention onto him. "Come into the kitchen with me. Let's put together some tea, shall we?"

"… Wait, you knew – you knew he was alive, didn't you?" with Jack's mood taking another dive, Tom used the moment to lure her into the kitchen with him. She advanced upon his retreating form like an impending hurricane.

"Now, now – I was sworn to secrecy, you see–"

0o0o0o

Wolf was sprawled out across his black leather couch with a granola bar in hand and a plate with two more sitting on the coffee table across from him. Rather than watching TV, he'd opted for reading that day. He had a paperback book cracked open to the first chapter which he'd folded in half so he could hold it in his left hand while his other kept the endless supply of condensed milk and granola coming. Although seemingly immersed in these activities, Wolf was also keeping an ear open for the sound of the door opening. He didn't want to let Alex see what he'd chosen as his latest reading material: a book called The PTSD Workbook: Second Edition.

Left untreated, PTSD can lead to emotional numbness, insomnia, addiction, anxiety, depression, and even suicide, Wolf read, followed by a grimace. He didn't get much farther than that before the sound of a key turning in the lock alerted him of his charge's return. Moving quickly to stuff the book under a throw pillow, Wolf sat up and snatched the closest magazine off the coffee table – unfortunately this happened to be Fox's copy of Loaded. The cover sported a very well-endowed red head, which occupied Wolf's attention until Alex's voice pulled him out of his minor stupor.

"Christ, is that Loaded? Didn't know blokes your age still reached for that junk…"

Wolf tossed the magazine back down onto the coffee table, placing his plate of granola bars atop it. "It's Fox's," he explained waspishly. "How did things go over at Sabina's?"

"Really well," Alex responded warmly. He took a seat on the edge of the couch, tipping the throw pillow enough to reveal a corner of the paperback. Wolf kept his eyes firmly away from the hidden item. "It's funny," he added, "but seeing them again sort of made me want to call Fox and apologize. I can understand why he was so upset at me for keeping them in the dark this long. They're stronger than anyone gives them credit for… least of all me."

"Women often are," said Wolf. "I'm glad to hear neither of them gave you too severe of a beating for showing up there looking ready for a photoshoot."

"Jack did seem annoyed about that…"

"Well, who can blame her? Her life's been a living hell these past couple weeks."

Alex frowned. "Maybe so… but this was the best way things could have worked out."

"How do you figure that?" asked Wolf. Alex reached across to snatch one of the granola bars off the table, and this action unwittingly drew attention to his wrapped hands as his sleeve drew back to reveal the white tape. It was an ongoing mystery as to why Alex seemed adamant on keeping him in the dark about the particular injury; one which piqued his curiosity with every glimpse of the dirty gauze Wolf caught.

"They needed to think I was dead. I really did come close – and more than once, too. If I had been killed in Carlisle, can you imagine having to tell them I was dead again after restoring their hope for my survival? Who would be able to deal with that?"

Wolf grudgingly gave him that one. He'd long since come to the conclusion that losing Alex twice probably would've been his extinction event, if not all of K-unit's.

"Put yourself in their shoes. Having me bleed out before their eyes in the back of a stolen truck is enough of an ordeal on its own, right?"

"You can say that again."

"So how about two weeks into their grieving I come knocking on their door looking good as new again? That's not so bad, is it?"

Thinking about it, it really wasn't that bad. They hadn't had to impersonate two MI6 agents while ensuring they were always at least two steps ahead of said agents. They hadn't had to chase Alex's ghost around in an unknown region, not knowing if they'd be recovering their friend or his corpse. They hadn't had to blow a homemade laboratory to pieces and then strap a bomb to their chest. Nor did they have to see Alex struggle throughout those two weeks he spent absent from their lives.

Observing his dawning understanding, Alex sent him a smug grin. "There's a method to my madness, you know."

"You wanted to protect them. I get that."

"I did protect them," Alex pointed out.

"I suppose you did. And you saved Jack and Sabina, too."

They hadn't yet had a chance to talk about what went down at Angeles Avenue. Now it felt as though the experience was ancient history. With Carlisle's events still fresh in both their minds, Angeles Avenue was recalled as something of a cakewalk in comparison.

"No. It was you and K-unit that rescued Jack and Sabina – after Jack and Sabina rescued Sadie and Tammy. The only person I saved was you," Alex told him, referencing the bullet he'd taken for the older man. "So I guess we're even now, right?"

"If you want to call it even."

"You saved my life in Carlisle, Wolf."

Wolf glanced away.

"Things were looking beyond bleak for me in that parking lot. I wasn't exactly being held by a bunch of softies at the time, but next to being taken prisoner by Scorpia? I'd already started praying for a quick death."

They were already on the topic. Wolf decided to reach into the rabbit hole. "Cub… If you were so grateful for the rescue, then why'd you run away that night?"

Alex stood up, and Wolf internally cursed. "Don't walk away," he said. "I still have a lot of questions about what happened in Carlisle. It's keeping me up at night."

"I know. You've been unusually quiet these past few nights."

"You have to understand. Put yourself in my shoes," he copied the blonde's earlier tactic. "We went through so much to find you and bring you home… Eagle threw back a vial of the same poison they'd been force-feeding you just to shed a little bit of light on your situation for us!"

Alex was quiet for a moment, staring down at the hardwood. "That was stupid of him."

"Yeah, it was, and he paid the price for it. But we were all grateful he did it. In a strange way, it let us all feel a little closer to you."

Alex narrowed his eyes, turning them onto K-unit's leader a second later. "You shouldn't have let him do that. How could you have known a dose like wouldn't have killed him?"

"Listen, kid. I didn't let him do anything. On one hand, it'd be generous to say Eagle followed half the orders I gave him throughout our time up north. But he also didn't give any of us time to stop him. Luckily we were in a hospital when he pulled that stunt, or I'd have called an ambulance on the spot."

"Eagle hasn't mentioned any of this to me…" Alex mused. "I wonder how he's feeling now. It was only the one time, right?"

"That was the only sample we found, yeah. And hey, you can't exactly expect Eagle to spill the beans on his experiences when you're being so close-mouthed about yours. Even if you two haven't had any long-winded heart-to-heart's, there's no denying that he's been your biggest advocate since then."

"He has?"

"Yeah. Some of us were questioning whether or not you'd, uh…"

"Gone crazy," Alex finished for him. "Yeah."

"We didn't know what to think, Alex. It made Eagle really mad. He was defending you left and right. I kinda think it was because of what he did at that hospital, you know? But maybe it's just because he's a better man than me. I won't deny that."

"Eagle's always looked up to you," Alex reminded him.

"Well," Wolf scoffed, "those days are over. I'm just lucky he doesn't hate me anymore."

"I don't think Eagle could hate anyone."

"Trust me. If we hadn't gotten you home safe, I highly doubt Eagle would be talking to me right now."

"You'd probably be surprised."

"Maybe, maybe not. Eagle's more compassionate than the average solider – average person, for that matter – but everyone has their limit for how many times they can allow someone to fail them before they give up. And who can blame them? Especially when the stakes are so high."

"Wolf," Alex fixed him with a serious look. "If I'd died while in enemy hands, K-unit would've be there for you. They'd never abandon you. You have to have learned that by now. Those three are unquestionably loyal to you."

"Can we please stop talking about you dying?"

"Sure. You want to talk about you dying? Should we cremate you or bury you?"

"I don't want to talk about anyone dying."

"Alright, well…" Alex reached down to extract Wolf's book from the couch cushions. He gave it a little shake before tossing it into Wolf's lap. "Why don't you just go back to your reading then."

It was only after Alex had disappeared up the stairs that Wolf realized he'd manage to evade giving Wolf a single answer. With a sigh, Wolf reopened the book and continued reading from where he left off. He had about an hour of peace and quiet to himself before the phone rang, forcing him up off the couch and across the kitchen to answer it. To his surprise, the person on the other end was Sabina.

"Are you looking for Alex?" Wolf asked once the young woman greeted him.

"No. I was actually hoping to talk to you."

"About Alex," Wolf guessed.

"Yes."

0o0o0o

They were lucky to have picked a dry day. Sabina and Alex arrived at the park entrance in the early afternoon and found themselves pleasantly greeted by sunshine, which seeped through the thinner branches and illuminated the reds and browns on the forest floor. Stepping out of the car, Sabina pulled her backpack out from behind her and slung it over one shoulder before following Alex into the shady woods.

The path was wide and worn, easily identified by the gray stones that littered it throughout its winds and turns in the forest. After about five minutes of walking the path took on a slight incline, and Alex fell behind Sabina just long enough to snatch the backpack off her shoulder and pull it onto his own before catching up again.

"I haven't been here in ages," Alex confessed from by her side. He was regarding the tall trees with awe, perhaps recalling them as having been even bigger – of course, only because he'd been smaller. "Jack and I must have walked this trail a dozen times. Even Ian used to take me here."

"Really?"

Alex approached the edge of the path where the land seemed to drop off. Although it wouldn't have been possible in the summer, the bare branches of the trees allowed him to see right through the foliage all the way to the River Thames. He kicked a stone down the slope, watching it disappear into the brambles. "Oh yeah, tons of times. There are cliffs not far from here that he taught me to climb on. We went rafting in the river a few times, too."

"Not your average hike," she commented.

"No, never," he agreed. He could picture his younger self running down the path so clearly. Running and running and tripping and scraping his knee and brushing it off to look tough for his uncle. If there was one thing Ian hadn't done for Alex it was coddle him, and Alex was sure this largely accounted for where his unbelievable resilience stemmed from.

"I hope this means you know where you're going," said Sabina, glancing around at the unchanging scenery.

"Trust me, I know my way around these trails even better than I do Wolf's kitchen." She snorted a laugh, an unfeminine and oddly endearing habit.

"You get that from your mum, you know," he pointed out.

"I'm surprised you remember that."

"I remember all the important stuff," he told her as they climbed past an emerging rock face, signifying their ascent. "Like all the incredible old books your dad had in his library at the cottage. And the way they smelled."

"Some of those books were a couple hundred years old, you know."

"I bet they were. Or that leather bound book he used to make notes in? He'd make notes about the most random things."

"Half the time I couldn't guess what he was making notes about. He'd break that thing open halfway through breakfast," Sabina revealed. "Maybe he was making notes about the way I looked with pancake all over my face."

"Or making a note of how you chew with your mouth open," Alex teased.

"Ha! I'm sure you must be thinking of someone else…"

"No, I don't think so…"

He dodged a light smack before announcing brightly, "We're here!"

Although the path they were walking on continued, the cliff side it followed widened and the path seemed to head in the direction of a much more open meadow. Alex, meanwhile, broke away from the beaten track and headed towards a large hedge a couple feet away from where they'd stopped, pushing aside some overgrown bushes and beckoning Sabina closer.

"Is this even a trail?" she asked.

"No," he replied, "I found this spot once when I was lost."

The bush they pushed past wasn't so much an obstacle as it was a curtain. Behind it, the foliage could be drawn back splendidly, exposing a little patch of grass across which a tree had grown sideways, creating a bench for them to sit on. The space opened up against the landscape of the blue sky, straddling the cliff and overlooking the rushing river a couple kilometers below them.

"Wow!" Sabina breathed. "You got lost and ended up here? Lucky you. The only place I ever consistently got lost as a kid was in malls. I must have spent hours with the blokes at the cellphone kiosks."

"I could think of worst places to end up," he said.

"Yeah, true. That's actually the reason I'm so great at Tetris."

Alex dropped the backpack on the ground and unzipped it to pull out a picnic blanket, with the two of them spread out over the grass before settling into its colorful patches.

"I hope you brought potato salad," said Alex.

"Duh." Sabina tossed the small container at him. "There's better stuff than that, though."

In the end, Sabina had managed to fit a bottle of wine, two croissants, a bag of grapes, a baguette and some cheese into the tiny backpack, including the blanket and potato salad. Alex marveled at both her taste and organizational skills.

"Should I be thanking the cellphone kiosk guys for your ability to make all this stuff fit into that backpack right now?" Alex muttered, heading straight for the bottle of wine.

"Maybe," Sabina giggled. "I brought a couple cookies in my pockets, too."

"You're a saint."

Their casual banter and light-hearted teasing waned with the afternoon sun, and Alex found himself so relaxed that his eyelids began to droop and his muscles softened and relaxed, leaving him feeling pleasantly drowsy. They'd been able to enjoy a diamond of warm light through the canvas of branches and rickety leaves, which had since shifted with the hours, casting shadows over their resting place and cooling the space. Alex caught a shiver running down Sabina's spine, to which he responded by taking her hand and pulling her closer to him – his first gesture of the like all day.

Sabina, although distant and more than a little withdrawn, provided him with the exact kind of company he was looking for as he continued to prove his stabile upward climb to his friends and family – the kind that didn't point guns or hassle intelligence agents, but instead asked him questions about his travels with Ian or his and Tom's infamy at school, allowing him to resume life as a normal boy in a normal setting. With her, in the forest like this, he was Alex the schoolboy on a picnic with his sweetheart, and what was crazy about that? Not a thing, he thought to himself with a little smile as he tucked her head beneath his chin and ran his fingers through her hair.

Unfortunately he knew what was coming. If such a comfortable setting gave way to anything, it was self-reflection. And so Alex admired the way Sabina allowed him to be himself without really being himself – ignoring all of March's recent events and patiently offering him her warmth while he ran his fingers over her skin and pressed kisses into her inner elbows – all the while knowing that the entire afternoon was inherently selfish, and that inside, Sabina the journalist was bursting with every question in the book. The self-control she was displaying… Sabina made him look like a child in a constant state of temper tantrum with the way she handled herself.

In the end, she'd done the impossible by doing very little at all: she got Alex to talk without asking a single question.

"Sabina… do you understand why I didn't come forward sooner? To you and Jack, I mean."

If she was surprised by the bold jump away from their carefully controlled line of topics, she didn't show it. "Sort of."

He waited for her to offer her interpretation. Easing her head back, she rested it on Alex's chest and looked up at him, curling a stray bit of fringe above his ear on the tip of her finger. "I figured it was vanity. You wanted to wait until after you'd had your hair cut. I bet that was the first person you called when you got back, wasn't it? Your hairdresser. 'Hello, Jessica. No, it's true, my heart's beating and everything. Can you fit me in next week?'"

The reply startled a laugh out of him. "I am exposed!"

"Knew it. You and Tom both; intolerably self-conscious about your hair. Don't you know it looks like a mop no matter what you do to it?"

"Actually, yes, I am aware of that. The struggle continues," he sighed.

"Well." Her ministrations along his hairline ceased. "I suppose a part of me expected never to see you again, dead or alive, so I wasn't going to argue with your timing. To be honest, my hopes weren't high the first time you agreed to see me. Especially since you hadn't actually agreed; you'd just been tricked."

They were odd words; words he hadn't expected. He realized then that he knew little of what went on in Sabina's head, least of all her thoughts about the two of them as a couple.

"You've never been safe with me," the words tumbled out, sudden and demanding. He was detecting an insecurity that he knew he was responsible for, being so hot and cold with her. Somehow it had never occurred to him that she should take this personally. To him their problems so obviously stemmed from his jumpiness, and if only he could take back control over his own life then the emotional turmoil would end and it would be like it had been at Wimbledon, or in France – or even in Chelsea just a few weeks ago, when he'd pushed her into the sea and just as soon dived in after her. "That's my only concern. I don't want you thinking you're anything less than glorious."

That earned him a short smile, but it was quick to pass and anxious in spirit. He could tell she didn't believe him.

"No, Sabina, I mean it." His serious tone brought her gaze back up to his, and now that it seemed she was ready to listen, he voiced his thoughts out loud: something he knew he didn't do nearly often enough if this was the state of things between them. "I hope you don't think that's an excuse for something else, or something. I just worry, all the time, and if it makes you feel unwanted, then I need to tell you that you're… I mean, you're really the only girl I've ever had eyes for."

"That's a load of bollocks, Alex."

"I don't mean you're the only girl I've ever–" he scratched at his head, uncomfortable, "well, fooled around with or anything, but I've had like, two girlfriends in my whole life, and I can't even remember the other one's name!"

"You've had three," she pointed out, although she was looked slightly less miffed. He took this as encouragement to continue.

"Even so, I'd be surprised if they truly knew a thing about me other than my name. Like my favorite food."

"Eggs," she granted him, crossing her arms.

"Eggs," he nodded. "Or that Jack was more than just the housekeeper, or that I'm really more of a cat person than a dog person, or – or the fact that I never wanted them to know these things, because a guy like me can barely afford to have one of anything: one friend, one guardian, one job, one girl. And that girl was always you. From the moment I met you."

"So why then aren't you worried about Jack or Tom's safety the way you are with mine?" she questioned softly. "You don't push them away."

He turned his head, raising an eyebrow at that. Sabina huffed. "Not as much, anyway."

"Maybe because they haven't been kidnapped as many times as you have?"

"Well I got away didn't I!"

"Well I didn't," he snapped, and it became hushed between them for a few seconds. Alex busied his hands by fidgeting with a pile of grass he'd uprooted. "And that's my point. You're more of a target than either of them combined, and it makes both of us vulnerable. But I'm here with you now because I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'm more afraid of never seeing you again. You, Jack, Tom, K-unit… it's you guys that make me want to escape the situations I'm placed in rather than resign myself to them. It's…"

He buried his hands in the grass behind him and leaned back, observing the sky and the river in the canyon with a clear fondness on his face. Despite the topic of conversation, he still appeared visibly less tense than she'd seen him since before he'd disappeared.

"It's days like these, sitting with you eating cheese and baguettes that make me want to live. That's why I was always going to come back to you, even before either of us realized it. I just wasn't quite right when I first returned, you know? I was still far too deep in my own head. I wouldn't have been able to hold a conversation with you. I needed the time. So thank you for giving it to me."

Taking a moment just to peer across at one another, Sabina felt her heart skip a beat.

They locked themselves in another embrace, this one much tighter than any before it; openly needy, it conveyed their mutual feelings completely. She didn't have to say anything like "I know" or "you're welcome", she spoke those words in actions, even though it went without saying, even though she didn't have to do anything more than look at him and smile for him to know exactly what she meant.

"You forgive me for everything?" He knew the answer, but there was nothing sweeter than hearing it out loud.

"Of course I forgive you," she murmured. "I was never mad at you in the first place."

0o0o0o

Wow! Hello old friend! It's really me! No, it's true, I didn't die in Thailand, not even that time on Koh Phi Phi where I consumed 10 street chicken nuggets at 3 in the morning and was sick for a good 36 hours. Praise the lawd!

Nut here's the unfortunate thing. Just so ya'll know, I didn't forget about this story while I was away; in fact I kept a very extensive notebook on my thoughts and musings throughout the trip including various plot outlines, twists and turns for this story and even little character development blurbs. And then, on the very last day before out very last flight (in Beijing), my carry-on bag was snatched while I was asleep. Can you guess what was in it?

This kind of experience is demotivating to say the least because there are words in that book from an extremely unique experience that I will never get back… But here I am, typing away at this story anyway, so as usual I'm sorry for the wait (I know it was long this time…) and I hope you'll all forgive me even though I haven't updated in god knows how many months…

I'll keep writing so long as you show your personal appreciation by giving me your words in return! Let me know if you're still reading and enjoying! I want to hear all your thoughts!

Next chapter: K-unit sans one are called in for a mission – good thing Alex is all better now... right?