Notes: GUYS I'm complete trash and I'm so sorry for the time it's taken to update but I've been overseas and we had NO INTERNET AT ALL, so I'm posting this now instead of the usual time. YOU'RE ALL THE BEST, HAVE AN INCREDIBLE WEEK, EAT YOUR VEGGIES! Much love,

- M

Chapter 34

He'd been here before, in the very same spot, actually. But his mind wouldn't hint as to where he was. All he could rely on was what lay in front of him, along with the feeling such a sight rattled in his heart.

And it was certainly something.

Bucky walked across the path of a well-kept lawn, and stepped onto the veranda of a white-bricked house. An urge told him to twist the shiny handle, and as his feet crossed the carpeted threshold, he looked around in quiet puzzlement to recognise where he'd arrived.

He vaguely heard the sound of a TV humming from beyond the walls as he inspected where he currently stood. It was a living room, one with toys scattered across the floor and drapes rustling from the open window. The sun was pouring in, bright and not the least bit shy, drenching the room in a haze that confused him further.

His steps towards the clattering he heard were slower still, and at this point, there wasn't a part of him that suspected he was dreaming. Before he knew it, a quiet humming began to sound from what he thought to be the kitchen, and even in his perplexity, he could've recognised that voice anywhere.

"Ah, there you are," said Mia as she appeared through the archway. "Took you long enough," she smiled before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Bucky's heart dropped at the sound of her voice, and when he drew closer to make sure she really was there, every fibre of his being quaked with relief.

"Mia?" he asked quietly.

She was wearing a simple Syrian dress, riddled with flour, and had her hair secured behind her neck with a ribbon. There was food on the table and chilled water beside each plate, of which there were 5. He couldn't understand what was happening, or how'd he'd gotten there. But none of that mattered, because his eyes drifted to match hers, and the smile he was met with made everything else seem utterly insignificant.

"I know you said you didn't like the cauliflower that much last week, but Elias won't eat it unless you eat it, and he's down to 1 vegetable a fortnight as it is," said Mia as she brought another dish to the table. Having not noticed his current state of astonishment, it wasn't until Mia looked up at him from the kitchen counter that she realised something wasn't quite right.

"What's wrong?" she asked with her widened baby browns.

Bucky mumbled, "You're alive."

A confused smile spread on her lips. "Well…sure, I'm alive." She paused, "Is that a surprise?"

Bucky disregarded her words and began walking towards her, a hand outreached to touch her, to be sure that she was real. He grazed her cheek with his thumb and said disbelievingly, "I don't understand." He shook his head, "You were dead."

Mia brought his hand down and said surely, "I don't really know what's going on, but I think you need a glass of water."

Bucky steadied his nerves as he looked at their surroundings. "Where are we?"

She asked with a grin, "Don't you know? Nahn al watan, Halab."

We're home, Aleppo.

Bucky furrowed his brows, "Aleppo? How?"

"We've been here for years, Buck." She tried to remind him tenderly, "You, me, the kids—"

"Kids?" he asked, the very air stolen from his lungs.

She nodded with a small smile, "'Abnayina, qalbi." She glanced at the clock behind his head, "They should be home soon. They left the living room a mess again," she said chidingly.

"I saw you die," he whispered, "Don't you remember?"

Mia's face fell as he spoke, and it was as though someone had reminded her of a long-forgotten memory. She looked distantly at the ground, and her breathing grew unsteady as the moment crept on. Her hand was still in his, and he watched her with a pleading look, begging to understand what could've possibly happened.

"I remember." She looked at him, her eyes now shining. "How could I forget?"

He swallowed and took comfort in her touch, only to be stripped of it as she walked away without a word.

Bucky followed her out of the kitchen, with each thought growing louder and more confused than the last. In his quest to understand what was happening, he failed to realise that the sky had completely darkened beyond the windows, and the moment he stepped into the living room, the entire setting of his reverie changed.

They were now perched atop a steep hill, overlooking acres of wild lavenders as the sun set before them. Mia was now in a plain white dress, her hair out and feathered by the light breeze. She looked over her shoulder to see him, every feature of her at peace.

"Why do you always bring me here in your dreams?" she asked with a small smile.

Bucky barely had the presence of mind to answer, still trying to understand how he'd travelled from the plains of Aleppo to a lavender field Upstate. But it wasn't long before his attention refocused solely on her.

"I don't know," he said truthfully. "I loved this place when I was a kid."

Mia nodded understandingly, her eyes set on the unreachable horizon. "It's beautiful."

He turned to face her. "What are we doing here?"

She laughed, and it worked like a balm to his nerves. "It's your dream, Barnes. I'm just here for the view."

He relaxed into the tall grass and felt himself grow calmer as the minutes dragged on. "That house we were in, I've seen it before."

Mia nodded, "From the outside, it was my place in Aleppo. We went to it, remember?" He nodded in recollection, "And the inside was your house in Brooklyn." She smiled, "I loved it."

Bucky knew both those facts to be true, and kept it stored away for the future. But after a moment went by, he asked, almost childishly, "Do we really have a family?"

She looked at him lovingly. "You want it, more than anything. But no, we don't."

"They're not real?"

She replied with a sad smile, "None of this is, sweetheart."

He met her eyes and shook his head. "You left me. Why did you do that?"

Her face grew solemn, and her eyes fell downcast. "I had no choice."

"Of course you had a choice," he replied. "You should've called for help and ran. You should've pulled through," he reasoned. "You didn't have to stay."

She smiled regretfully. "Who would I be if I'd left?" She paused, "That woman needed me."

"So did I," he said pleadingly. "Doesn't that count for something?"

"It counts for everything," she assured him. "But I had to do it."

He swallowed, and confessed, as one often does in dreams, without any control of his tongue, "I wish you hadn't."

He expected anger from her, but she simply looked at him glassily, as if he were utterly transparent. "Would you have been proud? If I'd never helped her, if I'd just walked away."

He took his time to reply, but eventually resolved to the truth. "No."

She nodded softly. "Then there you have it."

Bucky resumed in a quiet voice, "They miss you, Mia. Your brother, khaala." He said defeatedly, "You've gotta come home."

"It's not that easy," she said, sadness plaguing her features. "I'm not strong enough."

"Don't say that," he pled. "You know you are."

"Maybe here, but not out there," she said, pointing to the vast landscape before them. "Not in the real world. There I'm…I'm dying, Buck."

"You don't have to. We can save you, they're doing everything they can," he said with urgency.

"It won't be enough," she said sorrily.

"Why are you saying that?" he said as he brought a hand to the side of her face, desperately trying to cling to her as a thunderous beating began to sound in the distance.

"Y'know, I thought we'd grow old together," she said through a teary smile. "Can you believe that?"

"We can. We will," he said hurriedly, a frantic nervousness disrupting his train of thought as threatening clouds began to roll in.

She shook her head. "It's just fairytales, Buck."

"It's not—Mia," he called out, and before he knew it, she'd been stolen from his clasp, disappeared into thin air. The sea of lavender had become a barren, clay-cracked plain darkened by harsh droplets falling from the sky. A few landed on his hand, and as he brought it to his face, the clear water drop oozed a red dye, one that covered his body within moments, until his arms were stained red. He tried shaking it from his person, tried calling for help but felt his voice muted.

And before he could run for refuge, everything turned to black.

"—esus, wake up!" Zeyn said hysterically. "It's Mia, she's—she's breathing."

"What does this mean?" was the first question that khaala posed to Dr Cho, with Zeyn and Bucky at her side in the early hours of the morning.

"I can't say for certain," began Helen, "but it gives us reason to believe that her body is accepting the graft. Her breathing has stabilised without the support of a ventilator, and the tissue surrounding her wound seems to be healing at a steady pace." She spoke cautiously, "However, I'm obliged to tell you that this doesn't necessarily mean she's safe from complications. Her vitals haven't normalised nearly as much as we'd hoped, and her immunity's weakened to a critical level. I'm sorry, but she isn't clear yet."

Mia's three family members stood in a mix of relief and despair, processing all that had been told to them. Their morning had begun with JARVIS alerting them in their respective rooms that Dr Cho wished to see them, and their conversation thus ensued. Tony's sleeping tablet had worked all too well for Bucky, as he somehow managed 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep before awaking on the lab's uncomfortable couch by Zeyn's booming voice.

But he'd dreamt so vividly, in a way that was most unusual to him, and it took him longer still to comprehend whether or not this was a part of his elaborate hallucination. But when the three of them left Banner's lab and re-entered the main room, he felt the gravity of Dr Cho's words begin to sink in.

She was breathing. The idea of her body fighting so valiantly to keep her alive sent anxious jitters through his stomach, and it wasn't something he took lightly. The others were just as shaken by the development, and it didn't take long for quiet anticipation to tarnish the walls of despair.

"What happened? What'd she say?" asked Sam, who'd only just arrived at the Tower, suited up for their mission.

"She said Mia's breathing without life support," replied Zeyn. "She thinks it's a sign that she's accepted the graft, but we can't be too sure yet. It's not concrete, but…it's something."

And the hushed look of relief that everyone shared couldn't be hidden, because warned as they were against it, hope had crept in and latched itself to every heart. There was a possibility that she'd survive this, small and breakable as it was. But it was more than they'd had yesterday, and greater than what it could've been had Tony not showed up when he did.

And they breathed a little easier for it.

As Nat and Steve entered the room, Sam briefly repeated what he'd been told and watched as their faces relaxed minutely. Steve's eyes were set on Bucky, and it didn't seem right that he'd be leaving at a time when his friend was in such a rattled state.

"You're going?" asked Bucky.

Steve nodded. "We'll be back before midnight, but the shipment left Bali for Joberg half an hour ago." He shook his head, "We've gotta stop it."

He nodded understandingly, and couldn't help feeling a sliver of guilt at abandoning his team. "I'm sorry I can't help."

"Don't be," replied Nat seriously. "Mia's gonna need you here when she wakes up." Bucky appreciated her confidence, and smiled tiredly when she said, "Besides, you'd only slow us down."

"I second that," said Sam good-naturedly.

"Keep us posted," said Steve, before turning to khaala and saying, "Get some rest, ma'am. We'll see you soon."

She nodded, a thought entering her mind that she hadn't considered so far. "I don't know your name, son."

Steve smiled at how refreshing it felt to be unrecognised. "Steven."

She nodded and watched as the three soldiers left the room, wearing strange uniforms and carrying formal-looking bags. Completely oblivious to their actual identities, khaala turned to Zeyn and remarked, "He's a nice boy."

Not believing that his aunt just referred to Captain America as a 'nice boy', Zeyn simply nodded. "I know, khaala."

"—and 3 boxes of garlic prawn noodles. Maybe just put the peanut sauce on the side, I'm not sure whether we have an allergy situation. Okay, thanks Henry. Bye."

The woman whose voice Zeyn and Bucky were hearing for the first time belonged to the CEO of Stark Industries and long-time partner-in-crime of Tony Stark. But in their naivety, they knew her to be neither of those things, and couldn't quite understand why there was a stranger helping herself entry into the sacred lab.

"I hope you like Chinese food," was the first thing she said, all smiles and perfectly tamed strawberry blonde hair. "But if you don't, there's a hot dog stand 30 seconds from the ground lobby, so feel free to tell Vinnie to put it on our tab."

Zeyn and Bucky shared a confused look between themselves, before turning back to Pepper and trying to figure out who the fuck she was.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" asked Zeyn.

"Oh, no! No, we haven't. Wow, I haven't introduced myself," she said as she stepped towards them. "I'm Pepper Potts, I work at the Tower."

They each shook her hand and said their names, still a little unsure as to how a common Stark employee had gained access to such a restricted area, but choosing to run with it regardless.

"God, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister," she said to Zeyn. "Tony told me what happened. It's awful."

He nodded slowly, "Tony, is he your…boss?"

She shook her head, "Not technically."

"Your brother?"

Her face fell. "No, God…no. We—do we look related?"

Zeyn appraised her for a moment before quipping quietly, "Your goatee's a lot weaker than his."

She laughed charmingly, "But other than that, spitting image?" When he smiled tiredly in reply, she continued, "No, he's actually my—"

"The Bert to your Ernie?" asked Tony as he came waltzing in, that inextinguishable air of confidence present as ever. "The Froddo to your Sam?"

"Well, we're not in a homosexual relationship, but I guess that works," she conceded, smiling as he came to join them and taking that as her cue to leave. She turned to Bucky and Zeyn, "I have to get to a meeting, but please don't be strangers. Whatever you need, just let JARVIS know or tell the guards, they'll have you covered." She looked at each of them with unhidden sincerity, "I really hope she pulls through."

"Thank you," replied Bucky, a little disarmed by the unfamiliar woman's kindness. She left Tony with a kiss on the cheek and was out of their midst in moments, leaving the three men standing in the middle of his lab.

"I spoke to Cho," started Tony. "She thinks it'll be a few hours before we see any progression, so there's nothing stopping you from taking a timeout from the ole' 'bedside waiting' party. The Tower's a playground, feel free to…forage."

Zeyn turned to Bucky and said, "I'm gonna go get khaala. She could probably use the break."

And with that, Bucky and Tony were left alone, standing awkwardly at a distance from one another. Tony made his way to the nearby computer spread, and fiddled about with it to ease some of the unspoken tension.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked conversationally.

Bucky looked at him, his demeanour withdrawn. "Okay."

"Knocked you out, didn't it? Cap was dead turkey for 13 hours after a botched op in Rwanda. Worked wonders, it did."

Bucky noted quietly, "He usually doesn't sleep well."

"You'd know all that by now. How long've you been staying with him? Couple'a months?" Tony asked curiously.

Bucky felt the plates on his arm begin to shift as his blood pressure spiked inadvertently. "Since SHIELD fell."

Though Tony's hands were steadily tapping away at his various gizmos, his eyes were set on the metal arm that'd made itself heard in the midst of their conversation. "Does it do that a lot?" He pointed to Bucky's arm, "Your…electric mixer?"

…My…What?

Bucky looked down at his hand and admitted, "Sometimes."

"I'm guessing it's synced with your nervous system," he said, mostly to himself. "Reacts to heartrate, adjusts with fluctuating blood pressure, the good stuff." When Bucky just stared at him confoundedly, Tony shook himself from his mini-assessment. "You can go, I'll watch this shift."

He shook his head. "I'm staying."

"A bit of fresh air never hurt anyone. Or a shower. Or three showers," he said uncontrollably.

Resisting the urge to smell his shirt at once, Bucky rather said, "I need to be here if she wakes up."

"We'll call you the minute something happens," he said, conveying his full attention to Bucky for the first time that day. "But waiting here isn't gonna help anyone."

Bucky's reluctance to leave Mia's side was firmly set, but even then, he had to admit that Stark made a fair point. The waiting, the uncertainty, it was driving him to madness. There were other ways that he could be helping, ones that'd be much more beneficial than sitting idly until she made a miraculous recovery.

"Here," said Tony, before throwing a pair of keys Bucky's way. As though he'd read his very mind, he said, "Go get her things from her place. She's gonna need them."

Bucky looked at the key dumbly. "What's it for?"

"It's a car key, Tinman," he said boredly.

"…For which one?"

"All of 'em. It's universal. JARVIS'll take you to the garage, take whatever you won't crash," said Tony without looking up. "And don't rush to get back."

Before Bucky could even think about thanking him, Tony hurried out the room and left Bucky with little other choice. He'd leave the confines of the Tower and revel in the optimism the morning had afforded. That day, he decided, would bring better fortune than the previous one had.

And as he would soon find out, he was somewhat right.

It was peculiar to think that he'd set out with the intention of retrieving Mia's things, and had ended up in Arlington National Cemetery, staring at a headstone engraved with his name.

They'd given him a funeral after all, he supposed. His plot was situated in a picturesque part of the cemetery, just beneath a wallowing oak tree that was probably just as old as he was. The stone had been scratched from bad weather and was chipped at the side, but it was more than he deserved.

He found himself wondering whether people had known there was an empty grave inside, that his body had never been recovered from the fall. He tried to imagine who'd come to his funeral all those lifetimes ago, and whether they'd mourned him. He wondered if his mother had withered away from the anguish of losing her only son, or if Rebecca had finished boarding school after she'd heard of his passing.

Though he was helpless to change it, he regretted the pain they must've felt, the deep void that he'd left them to bear on their own. With resurfaced memories, he could remember being a newly captured Sergeant Barnes, a single-armed POW who hadn't yet been lost to Hydra's torture. He'd wished more than anything to see his family one last time, to say all the things he hadn't said before, or to simply appreciate the silence with them. He would've given anything to have those moments back.

And now, there was yet another addition to the occupants of his heart and mind, one whose life hung in the balance and threatened to leave him just as he'd once left his loved ones; without explanation, and with no promise of return.

But that was different, he reasoned. It was a simpler time, one where people who died remained dead. But now, in this era and surrounded by all the medical advances a desperate man could wish for, Bucky felt as though there was a real chance that she'd see this battle through. His attention lingered on those thoughts for a while, and with a final look at his headstone, he left the cemetery.

It'd been 3 hours since he'd left the Tower, and by the time he'd reached Mia's apartment, it was well into the afternoon. He rode the elevator up in silence, dreading the thought that he'd be in her dwellings while she wasn't there. It didn't feel right. And yet, he told himself it was all for the better.

He picked the lock to her door easily, and walked in without the slightest idea that anyone else would be inside. But when he heard something clatter in the guestroom, every one of his senses slighted to attention.

He drew a small blade from his back pocket and neared the room silently. With a few swift steps, he was ready to unlock the door, only to have it opened from the inside with a familiar face at its handle.

"Bucky—What the fuck?!" gasped Mel as she saw the drawn knife. "It's me, it's Mel! Mel! Hey, don't shoot—Or stab!"

Bucky lowered his knife immediately, breathing out loudly before saying, "Sorry, I…I didn't know you were here."

"Of course I'm here, but where the hell have you guys been?" she asked. "I've been calling Mia since yesterday. And when I couldn't get through to her, I went down to the gym to find Zeyn." She shook her head, "Were you guys having a super secret Barnes-Alfiyan brunch? Is that what it is? You can tell me, I won't be hurt. Okay, maybe a little, but mostly I'll be really happy."

Bucky's word couldn't have said more than his features did, and when Mel didn't get a response, she found herself immersed in a sinking feeling of dread.

"Bucky," she began quietly, "Where's Mia?"

He swallowed, hating the taste of the words that'd leave his lips. "She's in critical condition." He continued softly, "She was shot."

Mel's entire body felt weak as the words settled into the air around them. "Shot?"

He nodded. "Yesterday."

Mel shook her head at once. "No, there has to be some mistake." She walked backwards into her room, running a hand through her hair, "No, there's no way. She was—I just saw her. She went to the sahra, she was fine."

"Mel, sit down—"

"How could—I don't…understand," she said as she leant a hand on the wall. It was a few moments before she'd regained a semblance of composure, and her instincts after years of training for these situations overshadowed her anxiety. "Where was she shot?"

He replied, "The abdomen."

"Where?"

"Aortic valve."

She shook her head, "She would've bled out in minutes. Which hospital did she get to?"

He admitted. "Not a hospital. She's at the Tower."

Her face fell, "You mean…Tony Stark's Tower? Are they treating her?"

He nodded. "They've been working on her since last night. She was on life support 'til this morning."

Besides the uncontrollable urge to vomit, Mel felt a bit lightheaded as she stared at the scuffed floor. How could this have happened in the 24 hours that she hadn't met her friend? Mia had always been separate from Mel's life as a paramedic-in-training. She couldn't picture her lying in a hospital bed with scrubs on and her life dependant on a ventilator. Mia wasn't one of the patients she'd rushed to hospital in her placements, nor was she someone she'd zipped in a body bag on an ambulance ride-along.

Mia didn't belong in that world.

"I came to get her things," Bucky said. "I'll need your help."

She looked up at him, her face awfully pale. "Can I see her?"

He nodded. "'Course."

She took in a deep breath and steadied herself, walking out of the room and into Mia's with renewed courage. She grabbed the first few clothes that she saw, shoved them in a bag and took the keys to their apartment as they left. There weren't too many words exchanged between the two of them on their way back, but it was a comfort to know that they weren't going through it alone.

They stood at the final set of lights before they reached the Tower when Bucky's phone began to ring. He answered his phone with an unpractised haste, "Yeah?"

"Where are you?" asked Zeyn.

"At the lights. We're near the garage."

"Dr's got some news. She'll tell us when you get here. Hurry, man," he said anxiously.

"Alright."

He turned hastily towards the Tower's sprawling garage and parked it once he'd gained access. Mel slung the bag over her shoulder and walked with him to the elevator, not paying mind to where she was and whose garage it belonged to. It was another few moments before they arrived at the lab, and when they were met with the worried faces of khaala and Zeyn, everyone nerves were set alight once more.

Zeyn came to stand next to Bucky as Dr Cho came to join them, an unreadable look on her face. She took off her gloves and pocketed her tablet before looking at Mia's family, ever the bearer of bad news.

"In the last 2 hours, we've been able to run some more extensive tests on Mia, and my team has just brought me the results." She paused, "The good news is that her body seems to be taking well to the graft. We've seen no signs of regression and her immune system is responding at a slow, but promising rate. However," she began, but faltered. "These things are never easy."

"What is it, Doc?" asked Zeyn.

Bucky's heart was about ready to spring from his chest, an unsettling stir of fear forming at the pit of his stomach. Somehow, he knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"One of the bullets lodged in her abdomen had a lead casing. It's become more common in the last few years, and while it isn't lethal, it can corrupt internal tissue to the point of irreparable damage within minutes."

"Does this mean she has been infected?" asked khaala.

"Not exactly," she said. "But she's had an unprecedented level of lead exposure to the uterus, and we weren't able to reverse its effects." She continued regretfully, "I'm afraid the damage is permanent."

Zeyn's voice broke as he repeated, "Permanent?"

Cho nodded, and turned her head towards Bucky as she spoke.

"I'm sorry," she paused, "But she will not be capable of bearing a child."

X