XXXVI. The Sound of Silence
Hello darkness, my old friend In restless dreams I walked alone And in the naked light I saw "Fools," said I, "you do not know
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
The Sound of Silence is the property of Simon and Garfunkel and appears in the film Bobby.
Pearl is the property of Paula Cole.
Ashley was right about the night. Tan buildings with a golden glow shine all around, streetlights remaining stark and steady, as the corners become more crowded and loud. The stage is yards away, though, to her, it seems as distant as Canada is from England. Glowsticks have made their way into the courtyard, green and burning to her blue eyes. A couple posters with her face, make-up heavy and alien, flutter against the cobblestones, image bumping against the rocks.
The camera crew arrived shortly before the show began. All of them had British accents, black T-shirts, and eager hands. So far, they've interviewed Mark, Sarah Lincoln (currently on her second song), Julian, and a few other musicians. It came as no shock that they haven't gotten to her, if they'd even include her after the scathing reviews. Perhaps that's best, being removed from the limelight, because this time, she can really concentrate on the music, play the best to her ability. She was pleasantly surprised when Sarah Lincoln opened with a slower song. The audience truly appreciated it, too, with no calls for dance tunes. Ashley was secretly relieved. A part of her figured that an Oxford audience would be more intellectual, patient, open. Sarah's performance seemingly confirmed this.
From the other side of the audience, she views Craig, chatting with a cameraman taking a break. Craig shifts his gaze, finds her and grins. The sight makes her smile, relax. She has yet to tell him about the reviews, only told him that she told Julian what she was playing tonight. He may've picked up that something was wrong, because he stuck by her until the show, unusual because he typically gave her space to think every day. In any case, she liked the closeness today, the show of support. It meant a lot, especially after receiving both verbal and written disapproval.
"Ashwin!" shouts Aja playfully, joining her in the back of the crowd.
Instinctively, Ashley checks her look from head to toe. Aja left her hair straight again, and thankfully less hair spray. Ashley ditched the pants, going for a dressy black, V-neck blouse and long, denim skirt. It gave her enough shape, and came across as classy. Aja's clothes were definitely wilder, a red, lace bustier top and micromini, mohawk several inches high.
"Please don't call me that," begs Ashley.
"But it's so cute!" teases Aja. "Sounds all androgynous."
Ashley shrugs, stares at the stage. Sarah Lincoln's final song elicits boisterous cheers from the excited concert goers.
"Some people make it look so easy," sighs Ashley.
"Mark?" poses Aja. "Eh, I remember he couldn't pick up a crowd to save his life when we first met."
"Serious?"
"Like a Spice Girl."
They both laugh, Aja removing her grey flask from her purse, the pockets on the side stuffed with stray pins. Ashley always liked that Aja had a stray pin, is less decided about the ever present flask.
"To Ashwin!" toasts Aja, then taking a swig. "You're going to kill tonight."
"I'm more anxious here than I was at my first performance," admits Ashley. "I mean, some of these people are the smartest in the world."
"What? Some of these people are bums," says Aja. "How else you think I got on campus? Don't pee your pants. Have a sip."
Hmmm, lately, she's been sipping a lot, or more than sipping. It's just it's always around, and helps her not to stress too much. The taste isn't horrible to her anymore. In fact, she likes having something coat her throat, that's smooth as a song, sharp and electric to her tongue. She likes momentarily being out of the skin other people don't appreciate, the buzz.
"A sip," concedes Ashley. "I am performing."
Checking to see if anyone's watching, Ashley tilts the flask, the familiar bourbon meeting her taste buds. Ashley shakes herself, widens her eyes.
"Still not used to bourbon," comments Aja, giggling. "Oh, you better shake a leg. You're on next. I'll be next to Craig if you need someone to stare at pensively. I maintain that I'm more interesting to look at than him."
"Not to me. Sorry," kids Ashley, then walking to the stage.
II.
"So I'm totally ditching drama training for kite flying training," announces Manny, absent-mindedly winding the kite tail in her fingers.
Toby nods sympathetically, then tries to identify the street they're on as the cab makes its way to the Andrews house. This would be his last cab ride, his funds consisting of five dollars after this. Eh, he had to run out of cash sooner or later, especially given the miscellaneous expenses. Truly, the only expense he's dreading is the cost of the kiss he hasn't told Manny about. On the way, he kept cataloguing possible conversations in his mind, a couple so exhausting that his brain throbbed from the pressure.
Then, there's this competing notion that Manny isn't telling him something either. Manny loves to make jokes, and he loves that she does, but a few of them, including this last one, definitely made him worried. Is Majestic taking its toll? As far as he knows, the critics and the ticket buyers were more than pleased with her. It could be that she misses her parents, misses Toronto. Whatever it is, he's glad that she's happy with him, and not glad that his actions have the potential to change all that. Tell her, he scolds himself. Tell her.
"Manny...," starts Toby.
"It was a joke, Toby," says Manny, quietly, after trying to read his expression.
"Yeah...yeah, I know," says Toby.
"Are you free tomorrow?" questions Manny.
"I got my Tempest ticket after Colin's Cyrano bow," brings up Toby, cautiously. "Can't wait to see you."
"Oh...the show," mumbles Manny.
Wow, she forgot? He's been anticipating it for the past several days after missing the debut performance.
"Was thinking if you were available...we'd go out," suggests Toby. "Have a congratulatory dinner."
Where he'd get the money for said dinner, he has no clue. Maybe if he called his father, who promised he was getting something big for his birthday? He just wanted to do something to cheer Manny up. Luckily, it appears to be working.
"A date?" says Manny, beaming. "There's a cast party that night, but..."
"Never mind," interjects Toby. "I don't want you missing any big events."
"No, no," insists Manny. "I would love to spend the evening with my boyfriend instead."
Toby grins, without really meaning to. His mind becomes less cloudy, as he goes in for a gentle kiss, then pulls back. To his disappointment, the Andrews house is straight ahead, visible through the cab windshield.
"We're here," groans Manny, starting to gather her things.
"Lights are all on," notes Toby.
"Knowing Lia, she's inside trying on her ball gown, fretting as only girls can fret," says Manny, as the cab halts.
"Have you gotten your gown yet?" asks Toby.
Manny grimaces. "Not going."
"Manny, that's such a special night for you, to celebrate all your hard work. We should go."
"There's no harm in skipping it, Tobes."
"Why?" exclaims Toby. "If it's because I can't find a suit without my mom's help, I'll comb the streets of L.A. to find the perfect, inexpensive suit."
"Well, your suggestion of a date got me thinking we could do an 'alone time' sequel the night of the ball," says Manny, smiling.
She leans in, massages his knee.
"Without clothes," she whispers.
Alright, no need for a gown or suit for that, thinks Toby, warmth filling every part of his body. This time, he grins with no apologies.
"Lia wouldn't be home," adds Manny.
"I bet your bed's really soft," whispers Toby.
"Soft and pink,"sighs Manny, kissing him intently.
It takes him a few moments to remember that they're in a cab with someone other than themselves. The driver releases an annoyed sigh, prompting Manny to stop the kiss, open the door. Meanwhile, Toby's trying to stop all the blood from going in one direction as he shyly watches Manny exit.
"I love you," says Manny, winking at him and shutting the door.
"Love you too!" calls Toby after her.
Manny gives him a final grin, disappears inside the Andrews house. And, of course, that's when he realizes that he's wasted another opportunity to be honest with her. Ugh, what is it about being around her that makes him incapable of doing the right thing? What if he tells her after dinner? Perhaps it's best, since she's already upset, and has a performance tomorrow. He'd hate to ruin it with this.
"Fountain Avenue, please," says Toby, still lost in his thoughts.
The drive isn't so long as he ponders different places he could take her. When they arrive at his mother's house, it's the contrast of Lia's. Most of the lights are off, and the foyer is uncharacteristically quiet. Then, he recalls that Kendra is no longer there, and J.T. told him he was returning to Grauman's to purchase souvenirs for himself and Liberty. He has the house to himself.
His first thought is to call his father regarding the possibility of getting any money, so he goes to his room. That's halted by his own cell ringing. Clara's on the other end. Toby's brow wrinkles in confusion.
"Hey," he answers.
"Toby!" exclaims Clara. "I was sure you'd be out, and I'd have to leave a message on your voicemail."
Hmm, they always talked in person. Clara wasn't into leaving messages, unless she was mad with him.
"You caught me," says Toby. "What's going on?"
"I...I have to talk to someone," stammers Clara. "Like...huge stuff's been going on...to answer your question."
Toby tosses his bag into the closet, hesitantly sits on the bed. This didn't sound good.
"Okay?" prompts Toby.
"Justin...Justin's disappeared," says Clara, Toby detecting that she's starting to cry. "He's not taking my calls. We got into this fight...this intense fight."
"Over what?" asks Toby.
"He wanted me to go with him...like to actually leave," answers Clara, sniffling. "I mean, we talked about going to Israel when I was older and we'd both graduated. I couldn't."
"Wait?" cries Toby. "He wanted you to go to Israel with him?"
'No," clarifies Clara. "This mystery place where we'd live together. He and his grandfather had this massive fight, worse than ours, and he didn't want to leave without me."
This sounds surreal, Toby barely able to believe what he's hearing. All this occurred while he was in California? He knows he hasn't talked to Clara, or Matthew, or Justin, except for maybe the weird e-mail message that he never discussed with Clara. Now, Justin wants to run away with her? That's insane.
"Does Christian know you guys are still dating?" says Toby.
"Been really great at hiding it," replies Clara. "Toby, I feel like I let him down. He looked at me with such disgust...then he..."
"Did he touch you?" demands Toby.
"He'd never do that," defends Clara. "Just...just, he burst into tears. Justin's so scared. Has he e-mailed you yet? I was hoping..."
"Does his email begin with eaglerabbiofdoom?" asks Toby.
"That's it!" confirms Clara. "Toby...Toby, could you please e-mail him and tell him that I didn't mean it, that I have to stay. I knew he'd reach out to somebody who showed they care."
Truthfully, he'd like nothing better to keep ignoring Justin. Matthew and Manny were against them interacting post-fight, and he isn't committed to the idea either. But Justin does sound like he's in some kind of trouble, and whenever Clara cries, he must admit it, his resolve gets weaker. How much damage can one e-mail do?
"I will," says Toby.
"Thank you, Toby!" exclaims Clara. "I appreciate everything you've done."
That's nice to hear, considering everything he's done has come back to haunt him lately. Toby turns on the computer monitor, the little red light blinking madly, then changing green.
III.
"Glowstick, mate?" asks a vendor, a chain of glowing tubes around his neck.
Craig's eyebrows shoot up, and he pays for a couple. The outside concerts are apparently a lot more friendly, two high teenagers offering him a drag of their joint, and a twenty-year old woman "mistakenly" pinching his butt, or bum, or whatever. She smiled when she "apologized". He guesses the freaky Oxford scholars must come out at night.
Situating himself on the right, near the camera crew, gave him a better vantage point. The crowd numbers around three hundred, twice the size of the audience at the gig at the End. Ashley should be enthused, if she's gotten over her fears. It didn't take an academic to pick up that she was insecure, moreso after she returned from talking with Mr. Hobbes. There's no need for that, in his opinion, because Pearl would put Ashley on top. It was soft, humble, meditative, beautiful. This song epitomized Ashley, and they'd fall in love with her, like he has.
Aja, finding Craig, taps him on the shoulder.
"Our girl's next," she says, her breath heavy with alcohol.
Doing his best not to make a face, Craig smiles.
The stage lights dim, causing the surrounding buildings to take on a shadowy, Gothic look. Ashley's greeted by polite applause, Craig clapping more enthusiastically. Aja whistles. Her keyboard, black and gleaming, stands in the center, Musk twirling his drumsticks. A demure silence replaces the noise.
"Ooooh ooooh ooooh," coos Ashley into the microphone.
Ashley nods at Musk to start, Musk playing a relaxed, smooth rhythm. An anticipatory grin on Craig's face, Ashley touches the keys, begins to sing, her solid voice echoing across the courtyard:
Humility on Bleecker Street
Exposed my faults until I'm left defeated
It's been three years into this relationship
This is longer than I ever could commit
But I feel I'm near
But I feel my fear
I'm standing at the edge of another precipice in life
Gotta face my steppenwolf
Gotta drag you through the mud
When I get there I will see myself
Craig exchanges an enthused glance with Aja, resumes watching his favorite songbird. The melody always exposed the rawness of her voice, a honesty he wishes he had himself. Sometimes when he played acoustic, it would come through, but most times, he found that his need to perform would betray it, and his voice would waver, change. To him, there were so many ways to perform, but the best one, the one Ashley possesses, is to perform with authenticity.
I will look for strength within
I will be a better woman
Hang in there baby, I'm the grain of sand
Becoming the pearl
When Ashley performed this song privately for him, her parents and Toby having left the house, it was fairly dark because they lit candles. Ashley was very insistent that the move fit the mood of the song. Craig's small confession? The reason he put the Christmas lights in Joey's garage before the Squatch's first practice was to create a mood as well. Craig didn't think it that weird, because when you watched old movies, you'd see writers writing by a single candle, or artists working in strangely lit rooms.
Nevertheless, he got the metaphor, no matter the lighting. If you are rough around the edges, and work hard for what you want, you can become better, despite a few stumbles. A grain of sand can be a pearl. That's how he sort of felt receiving his diploma, how he wanted Julia and Albert to see him. A messed up kid can become a pearl. There may be a more masculine metaphor, but he doesn't feel like doing that much soul-searching.
Returning to the moment, Craig sees a few groups of people in deep thought over the song. Yes! Way better than the End. Near the back, alarmingly, some are milling around, while others are deep in conversation. They aren't paying attention. Craig sucks his lips.
"Rude," comments Craig.
"Forget them," agrees Aja. "If it's not on their precious Top of the Pops program, they don't give a..."
"Pardon," speaks up someone, halting Aja's more colorful speech.
"Yes?" says Craig.
A young man with a red shirt and blue jeans manages to get between Craig and Aja. He holds his cellphone in line with Ashley's breasts.
"Just trying to get me a shot of this lass' chest," says the man, chuckling. "I'd love a private session with her."
"What?" shouts Craig, starting to step forward.
"Craig!" whispers Aja, urgently, holding him back.
"Her poster?" says the man. "Mark Kennick's one lucky..."
"Oy, that's enough from you," exclaims Aja, nudging the man to the side. "We're here for the music, you wanker."
Craig tries to follow, Aja having to yank him again. What kind of pervert takes pictures of his girlfriend? She's playing a song, not stripping! He'd beat him, leave him bloody on the cobblestones. Nope, he tells himself. I can't during Ashley's performance. Craig crosses his arms, tries to cool his head.
There are no role models in rock 'n' roll
No women who could have it all
The long career, the man, the happy family
And here I stand and God I do demand it
And I feel I'm near
But I feel my fear
What, she can't play a simple song without being harassed? Craig furiously runs a hand through his curls, retreating from Aja's side to stand behind the camera crew. Great, he moans, inwardly. Now, the beautiful memory of them sharing this song will have this negative connotation since a creep was trying to photograph her body with his cell.
Then, something fairly amazing happens, and Craig can't help but feel privileged to be there. There's a sea of green, glowing green, as dozens of green glowsticks reach the sky, held by hands. They move to the music. Ashley closes her eyes. He wishes she could see, believes she may have before he did.
It's dark in here-don't know who I amMemories come-I'm wading through the moon
Evil side-wants to drag me down
Will power-God, please give me some
(I'm hanging onto hope now)
The effect is almost like some weird, lovely neon night. I get to be in the middle of it, too, thinks Craig. Although not everyone's doing it, it truly feels like that's what's happening. Craig beams when Ashley opens her eyes, greets the audience with a surprised smile.
"I'm the grain of sand becoming the pearl," finishes Ashley, brushing her locks of purple hair from her face. "Thank you."
"Yeah!" shouts a woman, possibly twenty-one or a little older.
"Awesome!" praises her boyfriend, his response joined by their group near the front.
Ashley spies a smiling Craig through the crowd, shrugs her shoulders. Craig lets his head fall to the cobblestones, refusing to cheer, glad he doesn't have to.
IV.
As soon as the expensive white door of the Andrews' closes, she collapses. She was bordering on collapse at the studio, the beach, in the cab, any place where she can lay down and feel defeated. Her heart shivers under her shirt, eyes growing misty. For too long, she's said nothing. Joking, grinning, laughing, all filters for her pain.
Her going through the motions was the joke. They asked her to do it, and she did it. No points for the few seconds of resistance. Manny wipes her eyes, hugs herself as the kite lays flat on the floor. The linoleum is cold against her knees. After that experience, she tried to be brave, for Toby more than herself, pretend all of it was some dream. More like a nightmare, a nightmare she might have to face again is she got the part. Can't think like that, she scolds herself. Elena was better. There won't be any calls. She'll forget the whole thing.
She'll forget, until she talks to or sees her family. Gosh, what would they have thought? Her parents were diligent workers, a respected contractor and a committed nurse. J.J.'s printing business was doing wonderfully. The people who worked with them loved them. She loved them...so much. Manny releases a quiet sob, cheeks hurting as she holds in tears. Her whole face feels like it might break.
"I'm okay...I'm fine," she whispers, using all her strength to stand.
Her wrist aches as she rises, collects her things, slowly ascends the staircase. About to enter her bedroom, she hears a chorus of laughter coming from Lia's room. She found that peculiar since Lia liked going to bed early before performance days. Then again, the peculiarity is beneficial, because Manny definitely doesn't want to face her after Lia was right about the Pinecrest auditions.
"Manny!" cries Lia, peeping from her doorway.
"Hi," says Manny, quietly.
Lia comes into the hallway, silk, navy pajamas on her nice frame. Her red hair is curly, flowing over the material. Manny's seen the look before, but not with a wine bottle, held in Lia's right hand.
"Listen," says Lia, hiccuping. "I wanted to apologize...personally...in my own house. Like for...for real."
Somebody's been hitting the liquor cabinet, thinks Manny, scratching her neck. She's guessing that wine bottle is about half full by the looks of things. However drunk she is, Manny's relieved that Lia hasn't detected how upset she is. Part of her would like to believe that the apology is genuine on some level, though.
"We're performing tomorrow," reminds Manny.
"So?" laughs Lia. "I'm done trying to impress them. There are other scouts...and movies...and wine bottles. Excuse me."
Lia attempts to bypass Manny, Manny stopping her in her tracks. The least she can do is drop Lia off in her room, then go to bed herself. Once they get there, she nearly drops Lia onto the plush maroon floor. Kendra, in a white T-shirt and sweatpants, sits in the center of the carpet, staring peacefully at Manny.
"Kendra!" exclaims Manny.
"Hi, Manny," greets Kendra, playing with her pants leg.
"Uh...um, hi," returns Manny.
Of all people, what is Kendra Mason doing here? There is no plausible reason, no possible circumstances that would allow for...unless, Emma. Emma's semi-involved with Spinner, so perhaps Spinner asked Emma to hang with his sister, help ease Kendra's depression.
"You two know each other?" asks Lia, earnestly, then laughing. "Almost sounded halfway believable. Such a good actress."
"Never known she was in here," mutters Manny under her breath. "I...gotta..."
"Hey!" protests Lia. "Manny, we have to all get reacquainted. You have to tell me all about the lunch you had with Toby's mom."
Lia fumbles for her bed, sits, slides down anyway to the floor. Kendra, meanwhile, appears just as interested. Like she'd tell them. No way. It might be better to turn the spotlight on someone else, namely her boyfriend's ex.
"Why aren't you at Toby's?" questions Manny.
"Didn't work out," says Kendra, eyes dropping.
Really? Huh, she figured Ms. Isaacs adored Kendra, and Toby? They must've fought. Okay, despite the events of the day, that actually eased her a bit. She wasn't too concerned since Toby consistently showed his devotion to her, but if she had to choose among a slew of options, she'd rather Kendra stay with Emma for the night than any vicinity that's near Toby.
"You guys are totally dragging me down," whines Lia.
Rushed footsteps sound through the hallway, Emma appearing in cotton, blue pants and a matching tank top.
"It's the expert of fun! Emma!" cries Lia. "Come...sit. Relax."
Emma instantly stares at Manny, offering her an apologetic grin. They'd have to talk later, preferably as soon as Manny could finagle an exit.
"I should go to my room," demurs Emma.
"Nelson, my dad's paying you...sit!" commands Lia. "A proper toasted...toasted hostess...whatever I am, entertains her guests. Hannah's asleep."
"Maybe you should go to bed," suggests Emma.
"Manny's here...we can't go to bed!" exclaims Lia. "Kendra's wide awake...aren't you, Kendra?"
"Uh...sure," replies Kendra, shrugging.
Tentatively, Emma sits next to Kendra. Manny won't give in so easy, figuring there has to be a way out. Call her horrible, but she's not up for spending time with either Lia or Kendra after this stunningly bad day.
"Manny...we're waiting," sing-songs Lia.
"Kinda promised to...," begins Manny.
"The favor you said you'd do?" reminds Lia. "Relatively simple, right? Stay, have fun, hang."
The day can't get any worse, moans Manny inwardly, taking a seat in between Emma and Lia. Lia's room is remarkably spacious, ridiculously more adult than Hannah's. The bed is queen-sized, with red, throw pillows, a glass writing table with a computer, cherrywood bookcases, a plasma TV, and a walk-in closet (an L emblazoned on it). The plasma TV is part of a huge entertainment center, rows of CDs and DVDs in cases next door.
"Wanna watch a movie?" says Manny, hoping they will since they wouldn't have to talk.
"What happened to the good ol' days of conversation?" says Lia, drunkenly, slinging an arm around Emma, who wrinkles her nose.
"Alright," says Manny, drearily.
"You guys are so shy!" condemns Lia, releasing Emma. "I know...we'll play a game. Truth or Dare."
"Oh no," says Emma, getting ready to stand. "My life is not an open book."
"My life's in a book," comments Lia. "Page one hundred and seven of my mother's biography...first mention of Lia, whoever she is."
Truth or Dare? She's played tame versions of it with the Spirit Squad, and a lame version with J.J. once, merely to see if he'd eat the gummy bear they found behind the fridge. He did. There isn't much most people don't know about her life, so she could humor Lia there.
"Ugh, fine," sighs Manny. "Lia, you can go first."
"Cool," says Lia. "Um...Emma, truth or dare."
"Truth," answers Emma, quickly.
"Wuss," laughs Lia. "Besides Spinner, who would you date in you guys' little Canadian group?"
Emma blushes, smiles to herself. Manny pushes her.
"Who is it?" says Manny, giggling.
"Well, after...when the baby was born, I noticed that you know, J.T. was mature and he started looking nice..." stammers Emma.
Manny, Kendra, and Lia laugh for a whole minute, Emma trying to disappear under her tank top.
"That's sick," teases Manny, receiving a playful punch from Emma.
This isn't so bad, thinks Manny. Lia's most likely too drunk to ask any seriously wrong questions, Emma too polite, and Kendra, Manny barely glancing at her, too nervous.
"Uh, Manny, truth or dare?" says Emma.
"Truth," replies Manny, putting her hands on her hips.
"So...how far have you and Toby gone, exactly?" questions Emma, winking.
Manny lets her mouth fall open, hears Kendra clear her throat. The answer won't kill her, if that's what Kendra's anticipating. The waiting to go further with Toby is killing her, however.
"No stalling," says Emma. "Has he seen you naked or...?"
"The top region," confesses Manny. "Briefly. Other than, pretty chaste. There...you satisfied?"
Lia raises Emma's hand to high-five her, Emma laughing. Okay, now that they all got a good laugh, time to move on. Kendra isn't laughing, though. Instead, she's talking.
"Emma, truth or dare," she says.
"It's my turn," points out Manny.
"Awww, let her be included," says Lia. "I don't even remember who was speaking last."
So, Manny wishes she could yell. The look on Kendra's face is hard, her eyes burning through Manny's. Manny's own face grows flustered with each passing second, and she's not the one that has to answer.
"I'm a woman of action," says Emma. "Dare."
"I dare you to ask Manny how far she's gone with Spinner," supplies Kendra, smirking.
"What?" cries Lia. "You got Manny's leftovers, Emma?"
"They barely kissed," waves off Emma. "I don't need to ask that."
Please don't ask that, thinks Manny, sweat covering her palms. She could lie, definitely still lie, but Emma has picked up when she's lying in the past.
"Ask," encourages Kendra.
"Whatever," says Emma. "Manny, how far did you and Spinner go?"
Manny opens her mouth to speak, and realizes that after lying to herself in that audition, to get inside Anne Marie's office, she's fresh out of deception. She's the actress who can't pretend. Manny lets her lips meet, shakes her head. Emma's frown deepens, her shoulders getting stiff.
"Manny!" whispers Emma, urgently.
"It was...only two times," mumbles Manny.
"Gross!" cries Lia. "That saying...you're sleeping with everyone he's been with? So if like Emma slept with Spinner..."
"Shut up, Lia!" exclaims Manny. "Em..."
"I have nothing to say to you," sighs Emma, scooting closer to Kendra.
Kendra smiles triumphantly, sits Indian-style. She has some nerve making her friend ask her that question. What is her problem?
"Manny, truth or dare?" says Kendra.
"Someone's monopolizing the game," observes Manny, laughing coldly. "You can't just..."
"You afraid?" interjects Kendra.
"No," replies Manny, gritting her teeth. "Truth."
"Excellent," says Kendra. "When Toby first asked you out, did you say yes?"
Their first date? Well, she asked him. Toby's first time asking her occurred after his computer camp, and she said yes immediately. Ha, no dirt there.
"Yes," answers Manny. "We went to a beautiful movie. Love Story."
"That's not true," argues Emma. "And you know it, Manny."
Hold the phone. Emma's jumping on her like a cat on catnip. It's not like the sexual experiences with Spinner were so mind-altering that she thought she was in love with him, so why can't Emma back off?
"That's the truth," insists Manny.
"Grade ten. Toby asked you to prom, and you wiggled your way out of it so you could date Marco," recalls Emma. "Then, you gave him a pity dance."
"So classy, Manny," says Kendra, narrowing her eyes. "A gay guy?"
"Ouch," agrees Lia, then burping. "Was the gay guy cute?"
"You are so superficial," condemns Kendra. "Slumming around with Toby until you find the next available superstud, no matter his sexuality?"
"Better not be Blake," inserts Lia. "Ewww."
"Clueless as usual, Kendra," says Manny. "Have you been around us for the past two years? No, I don't think you have."
"Did you suddenly change from a bubbly boyfriend-stealing, thong-wearing girl to someone with substance?" asks Kendra, incredulously. "Must've missed that."
"Yeah, you were too busy cheating on Toby, I guess," throws back Manny.
"Manny!" cries Emma.
Red-faced, Kendra smirks, stands. Her effort to get up suggests she does have some degree of pain, legs wobbly. Emma has noticed too, biting her lip. The movement almost makes her regret saying it...almost.
"No one's asked me anything," says Kendra. "I choose truth. Ask me the last time I kissed someone."
"Is it embarrassingly bad?" questions Lia. "Like by a middle-aged man with three teeth?"
"Actually, it was quite good," admits Kendra. "Go ahead, Manny."
Why does she have to be the one to ask? And why can't Kendra just shut up and leave? She can't defend cheating on Toby, or her out of line statements.
"Will you leave then?" exclaims Manny.
"Yep," says Kendra.
"When was the last time you kissed someone?" asked Manny, rolling her eyes.
"At Disneyland, last night," replies Kendra, a smile crossing her lips.
Disneyland? She's lying, has to be lying. Because that would mean that the boy she was around after Manny left...that would mean it was Toby. Toby wouldn't do that to her, to anyone, but especially not her. Manny touches her skin. Ice cold.
"You should believe it," adds Kendra. "After he sent you away."
Manny holds her throat as tears fill the side of her eyes. All the disgusting moments of today, and this...this she has no words for.
"Liar!" screams Manny.
Kendra chuckles. "Wasn't too long after you left."
"He was...was there for me that day," sobs Manny. "He invited me...to come on his birthday."
"I invited him personally to my expo, and he came," says Kendra, grinning. "And when I fell, he carried me in front of hundreds of people. He held my hand when I needed him most. He took me in. Manny...none of those are lies."
Toby did all of this for her? He couldn't have. He carried her in his arms, held her hand when she needed him most, and took her in at his father's house. Those were their things. They had to be. Suddenly, it makes sense, as to why he'd stop making love to her to talk to his ex. If he's off kissing her!
"Emma," breathes Manny, turning to her friend.
She shouldn't have been surprised that Emma's not receptive, after the whole reveal regarding Spinner. Lia's too drunk, eyes drooping as her head meets the carpet.
"Game over," says Kendra, bumping into Manny as she leaves.
Emma silently follows, the hairs on the back of Manny's neck prickling. She's come to know that the only lie that's been told in this room is the one she told herself– that her relationship with Toby was fine. This is the guy she defended more than any other, who told her that he loved her more than any other, who she trusted with her heart more than any other. Manny bangs Lia's wall with her fist before running to her room, slamming the door.
She collapses on the bed, no pep talk to herself. This day is the worst day of her life. Thank goodness it all goes black, sleep overpowering her, the charm bracelet clinking softly after a final, silent cry.
V.
Three a.m. That was usually the hour when she'd eventually be knocked out, waterfalls filling the room, considering what to give Jack for breakfast. Chances were her mother was on the sofa, TV wasting energy. She never watched the shows that were on, at least not enough to know how to describe them to you.
Emma is up, more than up. Why hadn't she considered it? True, Spinner and Manny were very casual, and in comparison to her and Toby, they might as well have just gone on one date and called it quits. Right now, in the dark, with Kendra sound asleep in her sleeping bag, she's wondering if she has the right to be mad. It's so tiring to be angry, with everyone. Manny didn't know that Emma would be interested in Spinner, nor did Emma. Like Toby and Manny, they were beautifully surprised, happy with the unlikeliness.
It's three-fifteen, and she's trying to imagine, imagine what to say to her best friend . She's well aware that Kendra didn't have the right, that Toby, his secret upsetting her too, should've been the one to tell Manny. That's actually something she regrets, like Toby might regret that kiss. After all, didn't Snake regretting kissing another girl? Spike had to know, but Snake had the right to tell. And if she didn't abandon her mother, she can't abandon Manny. Not tonight. Later, her feelings could change, and yes, she has the right there.
Emma pulls the cover off of her, passes Lia's room, reaches in the dark for the knob to Manny's. Manny is awake too, blinking as she lays on her side, clutching her blanket. Emma gently joins her, massaging her shoulder through the outfit Manny has worn all day, to lunch, her audition.
"This day couldn't have happened," whispers Manny, tears falling off her nose.
"Manny," soothes Emma.
"Emma!" sobs Manny, her chest heaving.
"Shhh," says Emma, resisting the urge to cry as well.
Cradling Manny's head, Emma strokes her face, feeling the tears. It'd be awhile before the sunlight came, to remind them that a fresh day is coming.